Aware & Aggravated - 93. Hyper Independence & Feeling Like You Have No Purpose (WWLD)

Episode Date: September 10, 2023

In this episode of WWLD, Leo hits on a lot. There's really no way to summarize the amount of pure value in this episode. He will touch your heart with this one and completely flip the way you feel about yourself, being hyper independent, and feeling like you have no purpose.   Podcast about everything I wish I knew before starting a business: https://youtu.be/D1GgYQGiaW4?si=kVZTOwXQa_dTTE8f    ✅ FOLLOW ME HERE: https://www.instagram.com/theleoskepi https://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepi https://www.snapchat.com/add/leoskepi   😁 WWLD Submissions: https://forms.gle/sNtQjjwvXUisfdgh9   👕 MERCH https://shopleoskepi.com/collections/   📱 MY APP POSITIVE FOCUS Apple: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311 Google: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.positivefocusapp&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1    🔒 MY PRIVATE FACEBOOK SUPPORT COMMUNITY  https://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref=sharehttps://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref%3Dshare&exp=7ffb&mibextid=I6gGtw    📝 ACCOUNTABILITY TEMPLATES/WORKSHEETS  https://leoskepitemplates.com   Business Inquiries: [e-mail]

Hi friends, so this week we're doing what would Leo do? You guys want advice about your situations and I'm gonna give it to you. For anyone that's new and it's your first video of mine you're seeing, Hey, girl, I hurt people's feelings. Just a fair warning, like I give people the truth straight up, the people that know, no, but all of my advice is with the most love I have and all of my intention is to help you not hurt you. I will hurt your feelings if it means making you better.

Okay, so let's jump into this. Alright, first person said they want to learn how to not be so hyper independent and actually rely on people in a healthy way. So as someone who also is hyper independent, if you're hyper independent it's because you've learned from experience people are not dependable. You have experience that shows people are not reliable, they don't do what they're gonna do, they're not there for you, whatever it is. So if you are someone who's been chronically let down by people, duh, it's dumb as fuck

for you to go and try and force yourself to just trust people That's like telling a dog that's been abused and kicked by every single human around it to just go up to another person The dog's gonna be like, ah, no not doing it. They're gonna kick me again That's the dog's association with human beings So if you have the same association with trusting people or asking someone to do something for you You're gonna have that same reaction of like, mm, nope, you're not gonna go toward that experience of relying on somebody. But something people don't talk about

is the pressure this leaves you under. Like you feel like you have to do everything and you have no help. And it's just like the amount of pressure can cripple you. But I want to assure you, if you are someone that has been constantly let down by people, there is a possibility for the opposite to happen.

Just don't go to the people who have let you down before. First, but like second, you've only experienced one side of a coin, there is another one. People actually can be reliable and be dependable. But you don't wanna hear that from where you're at right now. Old me that was like, nobody's good for shit. I'm gonna do everything because no one is trustworthy. Why I have trust no one on my hand.

The first step that I did, this is what I encourage you to do, is you're gonna have to like teach yourself how to trust people again and let some of your independence go. Like start consciously choosing to ask people for things or ask people to do things for you. But only do it with things that you are okay if they drop the ball on. So like for me, my dumb little example, I was running late to class one day when I was in nursing school and I didn't eat breakfast and we had like a full eight hour day and I didn't pack food. Like I didn't bring lunch. I didn't bring breakfast. Like I was like, grrr, I lunch I didn't bring breakfast like I was like grrr

I'm not fast enough day so I was like okay this is when I was like waking up and becoming aware of all these things and like repairing relationships with people and my best friend Heather in nursing school I've talked to you all about her before I love her but I text her and asked her if she would stop by Duncan Donuts because that's where I usually would stop in the morning of your breakfast is like it's very nice to go school so I would like stop get the morning of your breakfast. It's like it's right next to a school So I would like stop get it and then go to class I asked Heather to stop on her way and get it for me because she's always early and the girl was like 30 minutes early that day So I was like perfect opportunity

to Test this and see if someone can be reliable for once because this is something I never would have done I would have never asked someone for a favor I still don't like to ask people for favors I do if it's necessary and I don't feel bad for it anymore. I'm gonna get into that in a second But I asked how they're to go to get breakfast for me and I told her what I wanted and I sent her money on Venmo for it and she sent the money back to me because she was like no I'm happy to do this for you like I'll go get it don't worry about it

Like just get to class and I'll get the breakfast. It'll be there for you I was like okay no, I'm happy to do this for you. Like, I'll go get it. Don't worry about it. Like, just get to class and I'll get the breakfast. It'll be there for you. I was like, okay. So I got to class and my food was sitting on my desk. Perfect. Like, that was my first kind of like experience of like building trust again with somebody and asking someone to do something where I could rely on them.

But at the end of the day, that was not something serious. And that's what I'm talking about. Do not ask people for serious shit while you're rebuilding your trust could rely on them. But at the end of the day, that was not something serious. And that's what I'm talking about. Do not ask people for serious shit while you're rebuilding your trust. Because how did I ask her to do something that was like life or death that I needed very seriously and depended on her and she fell through?

It would have just reestablished my, okay, you're hyper independent. You can't rely on nobody for nothing. So start doing little shit and ask people to help you with things that are small, where it doesn't matter if they do it or not, because all you have to gain from that is like positive reinforcement and the perspective

that people can be there for you and that you can rely on people. So like, that was a big day for me. When I asked Heather to get me breakfast and then she got it and I was like, whoa. And I know this sounds dumb, but like when you are hyper independent, it's a big ask for you to ask somebody for something. So that's my advice for repairing your relationship to all this and

becoming a little less hyper independent is slowly start asking people for little things that are like pittly bullshit. And you'll kind of see who's reliable, who's not, and who prioritizes, and like, make sure you're okay with shit, and who doesn't, with something small. So you know, don't ask them for something big. You're gonna be disappointed, and they're not reliable. So like, I would say, take it easy, baby steps,

it's like the kick dog analogy. You don't just walk up to a dog that's been abused, because it's gonna be fucking terrified and be shaken and probably shit itself. So that's kind of the same way you're gonna be when it comes with your relationship to trusting people or being able to rely on people. So baby steps ask for little favors like this is to build your feeling of safety with people is allowing them to show you that you can rely on them. So it's baby steps. Trust. But it's gonna be okay.

The second angle I wanna hit the hyper independence from, what shame are you dealing with around asking people for things and asking people to do things for you? I want you to just look into that for a second. Do you have an insecurity around asking people for things? Do you feel like a bobbler? That's one thing I wanna do a full podcast episode about,

it's feeling like you're a bobbler. But I just want you to become aware of like why you aren't asking people for things if it's not the betrayed trust. Like is there an insecurity around not feeling worthy or feeling like a bother? Like just become aware of these things going on inside you and what you're feeling. But I want to give you a little piece of reassurance because I dealt with both the broken trust and feeling like a bother. So like the day with Heather when I asked her to get me Dunkin Donuts Little Breakfast my little egg white sandwich things that I used to eat that was like a very big moment for my friendship with Heather because when you're a hyper independent person people around you are going to kind of feel a little disposable because they're not going to feel like they

can contribute to anything. You do it all yourself. You're fully, subsufficient, maintainable, and people like to feel of use and people like to feel needed. People like to feel like they can contribute and provide value to you. A lot of people don't see their presence in your life and their friendship to you as providing enough value. They like to be able to do things for you also. So by me asking Heather to do this. We actually talked about this like later on, but she was so happy to finally get to do something for me because I did a lot for her without her even asking. I'm very good at just like spotting what needs to be done and doing it for people or like thinking ahead. Like if you need something, I'm gonna make sure you got it before you need it, you know?

But I was constantly doing things for people. That's another thing people don't like with hyper independent people is people who don't let nobody do nothing for them, but you do things for other people. They feel in debt to you and it makes them not feel good. So people like to be able to contribute, whether you do for them or not. For me to give Heather that chance to go do something for me,

she finally got the feel of use and she got to do something for me. And it brought us a lot closer and made our connection way better because I felt like she was reliable now. She did something for me. We both had a feeling of value in each other back and forth and then that made me feel safe to ask her for more things and to do more things and she felt safe to ask her for more things and to do more things. And she felt safe to ask me for things because now she didn't feel so in debt. Like it's just a good cycle to get in with repairing this relationship with trust,

asking people for things and understanding you're not being a bother. This is an opportunity for you to deepen your connections with people and give them a gift of feeling of use to you. And feeling like they are worthy of a spot in your life and feeling like you appreciate them. That's a lot to break down. I know I threw a lot at you, but those are the things to remember about hyperindependence and that's how you start transitioning into being less hyperindependent.

Baby steps. Remember that. Okay, the next person said, I don't know what it is, but I just feel better when I have a partner. When I'm said, I don't know what it is, but I just feel better when I have a partner. When I'm single, I feel insecure. And I've tried to figure out what this is in me and why it makes me feel better, but I always just feel better when I have a partner.

It feels weird not to have one. One perspective I'll throw at you about having a partner versus not is kind of the representation of what having someone you're dating is. And that is an external validation and reflection that you have value and someone else sees it. So like just having a boyfriend or just having a girlfriend. Are they them friend?

I don't know. Like having anyone you're dating or in a partnership with, I could say, is like a silent communicator to everyone around you. Someone sees the value in me and cares about it enough to commit to me. That's just something subconscious in everyone's mind. So when you're walking around by yourself, you're gonna feel a little bit different

if you don't feel fully solid in your own value. It does feel better to be with people in public or to have a partner Sometimes like if you have that insecurity and you don't feel fully valuable It makes total sense why you'd want a partner. It's just what that position being filled reflects to other people It's like yeah, somebody like me somebody loves me like it's just a silent thing. And for someone to like you, want to commit to you, that's what I'm saying. Someone's easier value. So it's just an external reflection of your value being appreciated by someone else. So you feel like it reflects that you're more desirable versus when you're alone and you don't have that external communicator

silently to everyone else. You get it? That's just one perspective that could be going on. Alright, the next person said, I need help with not being able to advocate for myself when it comes to health issues, medical help, and being in the hospital. So, all you guys know that I used to be a nurse and the thing I would say to you, this is kind of gonna be like a manipulation tactic

and it's gonna work, but it's not a bad manipulation tactic. When you have a nurse or I would say do it with a nurse, the doctors are not gonna be with you as often, but if you're like in a hospital and you don't feel comfortable advocating for yourself, I want you to tell one of your nurses, the one you like the most, that you have an issue with this.

Say, hi, I just wanna tell you like I'm really scared to speak up for myself and I'm not comfortable with calling people out or advocating for myself. Like, I get really uncomfortable with it and I can't do it. And be like, I just wanted to tell you and like, see if you could help me with it.

That nurse is now gonna feel like a fucking superhero and they're gonna feel like they have someone to protect in that bed or in that office. You are gonna be like under their wing and they're gonna be like, no, I'm your advocate. That's what you're taught in nursing school is to be a patient advocate. You advocate for your patient's best interests because when they're in a fucking coma, knock on wood. They can't do shit. They need the people who are awake in alert to advocate for them. So every nurse is in grain with this So if you just verbalize I have trouble standing up for myself and advocating for myself Will you help me and will you kind of be my voice?

You're gonna make that nurse feel so fucking good. Like I said before don't worry about feeling like a bother They're gonna like get this like superhero complex gonna be like, yes Like they're gonna feel so needed and important. And that's a big thing in nursing is a lot of people don't feel that way when you're in the same redundant fucking bullshit that you do every day. So when you fully ask a nurse to advocate for you, they will do it and they'll be happy to do so.

And that also increases your chances of having them with like, hawk eyes on you that they're gonna make sure to double, triple check everything from the doctor, from the other nurses, from everything going on with your care, they're gonna have a lot more of an alert attitude and mentality to make sure you're okay, because you already warned them

and asked them to basically be there for you and they love to do that. Okay, so the next person went on this kind of like spiel about wanting to move out beyond their own and they said, I want to have a business but I don't know where to start. So just by you saying, I want to own a business but don't know where to start. You don't have what it takes to have a business because people who own businesses have a certain character trait myself and everyone I fucking know of businesses all have this mentality of figure it out.

You don't have to tell us to do anything. We will literally exhaust all of our options before we go and ask somebody for help. So the fact that you said this message, I wanna own a business, I don't know where to start. You didn't tell me I've tried this, I've read this, I've researched this, I've talked to these people. You didn't tell me any step that you've taken, you're just sitting here saying, I want it,

but I don't know where to start. Business people, figure it the motherfucker out. Like you have to just have that character trait. So owning a business is not for everyone. And I hate how glorified entrepreneurship is because it's not reasonable for most people. Like it's not this lifestyle people pain it out to be.

Like I work every single day. I enjoy what I do. So it's like, okay, there is periods of stress. There are periods where I wanna motherfucker run away. But my whole point is owning, there is periods of stress. There are periods where I wanna, motherfucker, run away. But my hope point is owning a business is not for everyone. So I think what you want are the perks of what you think come from owning a business and being an entrepreneur

because these people online paint this false bullshit of what it really is. Do you actually wanna work 24-7? No, you want to move out of your parents house, be independent, be stable, and have your own place. You can achieve that with a job. And that's one thing people don't talk about enough. Having a normal job, having a salary job, having an hourly wage job. Oh my God, it's you can make so much money with these jobs. Like there's people who make $250,000, half a million, million dollars a year, and

people who make $250,000, half a million, million dollars a year, and normal nine to five jobs. You just have to work your way up that ladder and get into a field where that's possible. A lot of places have like caps and limits of where you can go, but if all you want is the benefits of what it seems like being an entrepreneur and having a business is, there's other ways to do it.

So check in with yourself, do you actually wanna start a business? Are you like really feeling you want that? Or do you just want the thing that you think comes with it? And if you want this, there are other ways to get it that are way easier. Trust me. If all you want is good pay, stable consistency, and be able to be on your own,

I would not suggest starting a fucking business first. Like it's so unstable. I have a whole podcast episode suggest starting a fucking business first. Like, it's so unstable. I have a whole podcast episode about starting a business if you're actually gonna start one, all the things I wish I knew before, go watch that. It's episode 56 of my podcast. It's not on YouTube, it's also on Apple Podcast, Spotify, whatever.

I'll put it in the description. But you're really gonna have to be honest with yourself. Figure out what it is you actually want and then find other ways to get it but nine to fives are not bad. Normal jobs are not bad at all. Trust me. Like you have to be a certain type of person to handle mentally what comes with being an entrepreneur. It's not fucking easy. It's not just lambo's and bitches will be BL's on your yacht all over Instagram like you see, your whole life is gonna be work if you live like that.

And it's not as pretty as people make it seem. Trust me. If you are the kind of person who can handle entrepreneurship and having a business and having your life be the way that it's gonna have to be and deal with uncertainty and being unstable Go for it like if you're someone that can actually handle that like I'm someone who can handle it I get all the benefits of it like I get to like access that But like you have to be able to take on the negatives to get the positives You have to choose your consequence. So if you're someone strong enough to handle it go for it

What I pointed out in the beginning like I said, I don't know where to start that excuse is not gonna fly so if you can someone strong enough to handle it, go for it. What I pointed out in the beginning, like I said, I don't know where to start, that excuse is not gonna fly. So if you can kick that mindset fully, give it a shot if that's what you want. But if you don't feel like you're someone that is strong enough and self governed and like someone who doesn't need motivation, someone who is strictly like, can be disciplined and do whatever needs to be done, if you've got that, try it. If you don't have that, girl, get you a normal-ass job that pays good.

Because the right person as an entrepreneur, great. People who are not cut out for it that are trying to force it to try and get a certain reward, you're gonna go insane. A lot of people, so be careful. All right, next person said, an attractive guy at my gym and I always make eye contact from across the gym

during our workouts, but never speak. Should I say or do something to make the first move? Yes, and my favorite first move when I see someone at the gym is I walk over to their ass and I get on whatever machine or bench they're next to. And I use this as a time to break the barrier of communication. If you're a girl and this is a guy, I think this was a girl that wrote this. If you're a girl going after a guy,

this is all you need to fuck do. You don't need to make a full first move, okay? What I do is walk up to the thing that someone I like is next to, and I'm like, hey are you on this? And it's like, usually you'll have to say it again, because they'll be like, oh what? And that's up to take your little earphone off.

And they'll be like, are you on this? And then they'll tell you yes or no. If again because they're like, oh what? And that's up to take your little earphone off. And they're like, are you on this? And then they'll tell you, yes or no. If a guy is into you, he's not going to let that interaction die. You just broke the communication barrier. You did what was difficult and what makes people feel comfortable. If he likes you, he'll say something. He'll spark up a conversation. He's not going to let you just like put your earphones on and work out next to him.

Any man you actually want to be with is not gonna let that shit slide. But for me, the reason I do it is because I'm gay and I'm into dudes Like myself that look like a fucking asshole when they're out in public. Like I look mean I don't look approachable. I don't look nice. So when I'm going up to somebody It's kind of too excessive. They're gay or not. So when I walk up to the thing that they're next to and I ask if they're on it, I look at how they look at me. Do they scam me up and down? Do they give me a little eye?

Like do they start a conversation? Like how does it go? And you can kind of read how a straight guy is gonna respond to you versus a gay guy. So that's my tip for making a move on someone at the gym. Just open that communication barrier and just talk. It sounds dumb, but people have come up with all kind of creative things to keep talking to me

when I ask if they're on something next to them. Trust. All right, the next person said, how do I get out of a depressing mood? I'm getting out of it, but I don't know how the hell I got here. That's the exact thing to do when you're in a depressing mood, or like you're in a little depressive episode. Look for how it makes sense. I will do a full episode on

depression eventually, but that's shark-infested waters. I gotta get my words right and get everything structured for I try and comfort depression, because people like to hold on to that motherfucker. it's their lifeline like girl it's okay let it go but really just sit down and look for how your depressive mood makes sense play the tape backwards you said I don't know how the hell I got here that's the thing sit down and look back to a time when you didn't feel depressed and then look at where you are now look at what unfolded in between there. Look at events that happened. That'll give you a little bit of clarity and then you look back to how your perspective has changed, your outlook, your mindset, what

new thoughts are you thinking that are making you feel bad and contributing to the way that you feel now. And the biggest thing with depression is convincing yourself things are useless or convincing yourself you already know the outcome of something. That's what's going to make you feel like what's the point of getting out of bed. Like if you're you think, okay, I could go to the gym. Well, I'm never going to look as good as I want to look. Well, it's not worth it.

I'm still going to be fat. Like it's going to take months. It's like it's just too much effort. Your brain's going to see how much everything is costing you more effort, how you're not going to get the result you want, how it's not gonna go the way you want it to go. And you're just gonna like basically shoot down every potential of everything you could or should be doing and convince yourself it's pointless. So look at how you're doing that first and look for other kind of like perspectives about

everything you're worried about. But the biggest thing is understanding how you got there, what's changed with your environment, your physical life, and also the thoughts you're thinking, and then definitely look at how you're kind of discrediting and writing everything off and convincing yourself out of doing a lot of things. That's what helps me. My last episode was kind of like about that,

so that's just one of my perspectives I found, so go listen to that if you want to. All right, next person said, how do I get motivation to keep working towards my degree when it's not my dream, just a safety net? That's the exact route that I went through is getting a degree to have a safety net. This is not talked about on social media because it's not glamorous and people like to push this whole narrative of entrepreneurship. Wee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, degree did for me was give me that safety net and when I wanted to try other things I already felt safe to do so. You see, if you're just walking around in life with no solid foundation or any way to fall back on yourself or rely on yourself and insured you're getting your needs met, that's what a degree is. Is ensuring that you have a way to make money where you can

buy everything you need and have your basics of living down. To walk around life without that is going to be terrifying. Some people have success with it. You see the very small percentage of people who have success with it on social media. You don't see the hundreds of millions of people who have their fucking dreams destroyed when they try that. Nobody talks about it. Everybody's embarrassed. There's so many more people who fail when they just try to take a shot in the dark than succeed.

You only hear about the successes, but trust me, that is just a little tip of the iceberg of like sticking out of the water. It's like this. And the amount of people under it that have the opposite experience, don't fall into the delusion. Trust me. I went to safety route because when I go try things now, and when I took the And the amount of people under it that had the opposite experience don't fall into the illusion trust me I went the safety route because when I go try things now and when I took the risk to do everything that I'm doing now I felt safe as hell every decision I made every action I took felt safe and I felt

Supported by myself my biggest thing you asked for motivation I want to give you the okay that it's okay to do that. It is fully okay to Create a safety net for yourself by going to school or getting a degree or working a certain job. Like there's so many gurus online Who talk about all this spiritual bullshit? How like if you're not following your passion. It's like oh, it's the worst thing ever It's so bad like nothing bad's bad's going to happen, babe. Like for you to create safety for yourself, that's very normal. That's totally okay. And that's totally fine.

Some people can freely just trust in God and in the universe because they haven't really had a harsh reality, like knock them upside the head. These people that are out here promoting all this crap, like just just the anywhere's jumping, it will catch you. I've said jumping, it will catch you, but it's not in regards to like your financial life and what you're doing to like maintain your like literal ability to live as a person.

But the people who are so competent and saying like, just risk it all, don't worry about establishing yourself and just go for it because this is the only thing that's gonna make you happy. There are people who have not been let down like I said in the beginning of this you've had experiences where you've been let down you have a need for safety it's fine to honor that need go to school get your degree you only have to get through it once go pass everything you need to pass get it and just have that for yourself and then go buck fucking wild and do whatever it is your little heart desires. Alright the

next person said I'm going through being homeless and I bounce around because I don't have a place to stay. Like I just bounce around couch to couch. I feel like I have no purpose. My first question is are you dedicating yourself to anything to feel like you have a purpose? That's kind of the first angle I wanna go, but it seems a little too cold at first. First thing I wanna actually say is, you don't have to have a purpose to matter. That's the first thing to understand.

You don't have to feel like you're working toward this big, giant thing, to matter in this world and to be worth anything. Like you matter and you have value, even if you don't feel your purpose yet, or feel like you have a purpose. You might just be in a period where you're jumping house to house and couch to couch

because you're experiencing contrast. A lot of the beginning of my life was experiencing contrast, learning all the shit I don't want. And then becoming aware of what I do want by experiencing what I don't want to be able to flip it and pursue what I do want. I also want you to realize all of the skills you are learning from being in the position you're in. You're dealing with uncertainty, unsafety, no stability, no predictability, and you're

still adapting. You are learning how to be so adaptable as a person, you are learning to survive with the bare minimum, and those are skills and character traits you cannot take away, and you are someone who is going to be fine forever. Every single thing that you're going through right now, all the feelings you don't like feeling all the situations you're in that you don't like, flip them. Because you're being made aware of everything you don't want. If you don't like this life, what are you specifically not like about it?

Flip it. Now you know everything to go for and what you do want. So this period you're in, where you feel like you have no purpose, you're not gonna feel like you have a purpose until you have become aware of what you want to pursue. You're experiencing all the shit you don't want to pursue right now.

As soon as you flip, understand all the value you've just consumed out of all of this experience you've just had. Like I just want you to understand like how strong you are as a fucking person to be able to bounce around like that. To not have a home like a physical home or a consistent place to lay your head and you're still okay you're still living you're still making it work you're still emotionally surviving people can't fucking handle that like I'm like yelling at you because I'm so proud of you like I just want you to see how big that is and like you're

learning so much from this. You are about to be able to flip this like a motherfucker. And that's when you're going to feel a sense of purpose. When you extract everything you can from this, everything you gain, everything you've learned, you become aware of all the skills you now have, and you flip it and use these skills that came from something bad and put them into something that you want to do or something good. That's when the sense of purpose comes because everything I learned going through all the worst shit in my life, I've now flipped and I've made those experiences worth something. Now I feel a sense of purpose to share it and use these skills that I've learned that

I wouldn't have any other way unless going through what I went through. Now I'm using it. Now I'm using it. Now I feel that sense of purpose. So I just want you to see like the progression of how it's gonna go. And I want everybody to fucking hear this. You do not have to feel a sense of purpose to matter. You matter anyway. And I love you to death.

And I know how painful it is to like feel like that. That's why I want to say it because I felt the same way for a long time. Because everybody's always promoting all this shit about having a purpose. And when you feel like you're just a waste of human being floating around, you don't know what the fuck. Like you have to contribute. It's really like the worst thing. I always felt so numb.

Like that clip on American Horror Story when Madison died and they brought her back. And then she's like, I'm numb, I feel nothing. I remember the exact day I showed that video to my sister and I was like, this is how I feel. Like, she literally was like binge eating everything she could. She was like taking like a handful of pills because she couldn't die. Then she took a lighter and lit it and held her hand over it

and her skin was like burning and she could feel nothing. That's how you feel when you have no purpose. You feel numb. So, I just wanna say that I know exactly how it feels. You're not alone and it doesn't mean that you don't matter. I want you to give yourself a little hug, because I can't hug you. Like, I don't want to fucking scream. If I was with you, I'd hug you.

But you're gonna be okay. I promise. Alright, next person said, How do I deal with the fact that I didn't get the achievement I wanted, but still some form of achievement First thing when you don't get something that you want don't look at the positive be sad about it be devastated all the work you just fucking did and you didn't get the goal that you wanted be pissed Go through the emotions of feeling like powerless upset disappointed betray go through all those feelings and then when you get back to a normal staring point you're like all right let's be fucking for you. I then want you to look for how it makes sense. You did not get the achievement that you were after. Look for your control. Why didn't

you get it? If you didn't get a certain grade you wanted in school or you didn't win a body building competition. Did you study your ass off? Did you really put the or you didn't win a bodybuilding competition. Did you study your ass off? Did you really put the working you needed to do to get the grades? Did you put in the time and the effort and do everything you could? Did you max out your potential of how much you put into this to get the grade that you wanted? Did you also do the same thing with the other example, like the bodybuilding thing?

Did you do the cardio you had to do? Did you eat right exactly how you had to do it? Did you push yourself or did you slack? How does it make sense that you didn't get what you wanted? And the reason I want you to look at that is it's going to show you how your actions caused it. And if it is a situation where it's like you just like get to raffle and you win something, girl, that ain't what I'm fucking talking about. But I want you to see how your actions caused it because I don't want you to feel powerless. Because if you don't do this and become aware and kind of like take yourself by the balls, I'm not saying do this to punish yourself and beat yourself up.

I'm just saying look for how it makes sense that you didn't get what you wanted. Because if you don't do that, you're gonna look at the situation and your brain's gonna subconsciously fill it in with one of your insecurities. I'm not good enough. Things don't go right for me. I'm ugly. I'm back. I'm done. I'm not smart. I'm a fuck up. I'm never gonna amount to nothing. All these things are gonna become subconsciously like overlaid on this experience. It's like all the things you're gonna make it mean when you feel like you have no sense of control over it. Like, if you've convinced yourself I did my best and I still didn't get it, then I'm just not good enough is what's gonna get slapped over that.

Do not do that. Looking for how it makes sense that you didn't get what you wanted is how you avoid all the bullshit meanings you assigned to it because that's be fucking for real. If you didn't get something that you went after, did you put 100% of yourself into it? If not, you don't get to fucking say I'm not good enough. You didn't do enough. That's the problem. Like, I'm being rough with you because I don't want you beating yourself up. Don't be me into my friend. I'm talking to that little voice in your

head. That's going to tell you you're not good enough. Like, fuck off. That's not the problem. But then you can go the whole positive outlook and positive perspective too. Of like, looking what you gained from it, look for the skills you learned anyway, even though you didn't get the trophy or the award, whatever, you still learned all these things, you made these connections, you had these experiences, you had this fun, whatever. And if you're gonna go for it again,

now you got kind of like two legs up on the competition because you learn everything you really need to know and you have double the experience to make sure you get the second time. So that's when you can go to positive rap. But hope that helped. Okay, the next person said, why do I always fall in love with shallow men? Because it's safe.

The. That's really the explanation behind it. Like it's subconsciously so easy. When you know a guy only wants you for your looks You know exactly what to provide and you know exactly what you're gonna get for it If I provide this he's gonna like me versus going into a relationship or a situation where you don't know What fully to do for somebody to get them to like you? So if you can just say all right tits, big ass, pretty face,

good hair extensions, he loves me. It's transactional, it's easy, it's clear. There's clarity around what you need to do to get the thing that you want that is love and to feel cared about. You're never going to get it from a shallow dude, but it makes total sense why you would want to go for a shallow guy. It's safer, it's easier. When someone just wants you for some looks, oh my god, easy peasy. You didn't ask what to do. You just said, why do I fall in love with shallow men? That's why. It's easy. And there's also one more aspect about this. When a guy is only interested in your shell and what is superficial, you don't have any fear or worry about letting him know what's inside you and letting him judge that.

If a guy doesn't even want to know what's inside you, it's safe. Like you get to put on this mask and be loved for it without having to deal with the fear of intimacy and sharing what's inside you and the truth of who you are. Easy peasy. You get to avoid a lot of shit. So those are my couple of perspectives on it. So do what that inside you and the truth of who you are. Easy peasy. You get to avoid a lot of shit. So those are my couple of perspectives on it. So do what that would you will. All right, the last situation we're gonna go into,

one person I was gonna do before this, talked about something and then it, like something about religion and I don't wanna hit on that. I kinda gotta tell you now, okay, this girl said, this girl said, how do I get over a guy who all of a sudden broke up with me because he said I didn't develop enough religiously? If you're truly religious, I would say a prayer. I would say a big fat thank you.

It's the man upstairs for removing him out of your goddamn life. Cause what? Like if he didn't come to you and communicate anything, he just hit you out the blue and broke up with you because you're not developing enough. Did he come to you enough concerned about it? Did he take steps to try and help you get closer to her religion and develop more? Did he do anything? Or is that just a bullshit excuse? Cause he wants to go do something else. That's what I can't stand as a man who can't take responsibility and accountability. There's a lot more details in this, but I kind of summed it up.

But she's basically worried like, she believed he was the one, he treated her perfect the whole time and like she left thinking why wasn't I enough when always shared was true love. I think it's a cop out. I really do. I think there's something else wrong that he didn't like or some other needs he had that were unmet and he just couldn't own saying this is what I want. So I'm going to throw it on something you can't control or something that's your fault. A lot of people can't take the heat, they'll throw it. So he said you didn't develop enough religiously. So

I have to respect my religion and move forward. He gets to leave and like you get to watch him walk away and you can't judge him because he left me for his religion How moral of him and how correct of him? He found a loophole out to leave with no fucking guilt and make you the issue. He had to take no responsibility with that I think it's a crock of shit to be honest I could be deadass wrong. You might just be crazy. Who knows? I love the crazy so I'm not mad at you But the whole developing enough religiously, please. Next situation.

Someone said I wanted to cut a friend off with a very explosive personality and victim complex. They're basically a trio of girls. And the other girl, she has no problem with. Like, she wants to stay friends with the one girl, but she wants to cut off the other one. And she doesn't want to make it awkward and start beef and like have a shit show really. So she's like I don't know how to do this and have this conversation what would you suggest.

Um, tea time! I would literally tell the friend that you still want to be friends with. Hey babe, can we go meet for coffee or like can we talk and we hang out? I don't know how close y'all are. Go to dinner or something. I don't know. Go to her house if you're close But go talk to that friend and just be open and honest about it be like hey, I'm having issues with Sabrina I don't know I made up a fucking name. I'm having issues with Sabrina and I've come to the decision that I want to cut her off

I don't want to be friends with her anymore, but I do not want to lose my relationship with you I want to make sure we're still okay But I also don't want to put any pressure on you of trying to balance both of us. I just wanted to talk to you and see if there was something we could do to maintain our friendship and our connection because I don't want to lose you, but I do want to lose her. That's going to make, who's what should we name her? Sally May.

Sally May is going to be happy that you came to her to ensure you got to maintain the connection with her. Sally Mae. Sally Mae is going to be happy that you came to her to ensure you got to maintain the connection with her. She's going to like that and if she wants to be friends with you, she will. But if she's more loyal to the other ones, she's going to tell you to kick rocks because that's what I would do. I'm a loyal prick. But if you guys were all equally close and you do want to still be friends with her, she will appreciate that a lot. You don't want to leave your friend feeling left out of the conversation. Because if you don't address this and you don't talk about it,

you look like a dick to the one that you did like when you cut off the other one and then you don't want to acknowledge this, you don't know what to do so you just distance yourself. This person's going to feel pushed away for no reason with no explanation. So just be open to honest and talk to her about it. You can also ask her for advice

about how to navigate the conversation and how to talk to her about it. You can also ask her for advice about how to navigate the conversation And how to talk to her and how to cut the other one off because she'll know like a different perspective You're not seeing because she's not in yours see and that my friends is all I've got in this episode of what would you do If you want to be featured on the next episode I will leave the link in the description to where you can go submit your situation. It's all anonymous So if you need to add details that I need to know, tell me also don't leave none that are too fucking long. Sum it up for me nice and pretty. But until next week, if you want to keep up with me, I will leave all of my social media in the description. We got

Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, they pay me bitch. I'll be on there. I'll be posting every single day. I also have a private Facebook support community. If you want to join that, I'll link it down there too. Also my app, my merch, everything you need, description babe you got it it's all there. But everybody be safe, take care of yourself, know that I'm rooting for you bitch, always. And I will talk to you guys next Sunday.