Aware & Aggravated - 98. Handling Narcissists & People With A Victim Complex (WWLD)

Episode Date: October 15, 2023

In this episode Leo breaks down how to handle people with a victim complex, how to stop attracting narcissists, and so much more. Each episode of WWLD (What Would Leo Do) is jam packed with insight, advice, and well thought out responses. This episode is no exception.    ✅ FOLLOW ME HERE: https://www.instagram.com/theleoskepi https://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepi https://www.snapchat.com/add/leoskepi   😁 WWLD Submissions: https://forms.gle/sNtQjjwvXUisfdgh9   👕 MERCH https://shopleoskepi.com/collections/   📱 MY APP POSITIVE FOCUS Apple: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311 Google: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.positivefocusapp&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1    🔒 MY PRIVATE FACEBOOK SUPPORT COMMUNITY  https://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref=sharehttps://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref%3Dshare&exp=7ffb&mibextid=I6gGtw    📝 ACCOUNTABILITY TEMPLATES/WORKSHEETS  https://leoskepitemplates.com   Business Inquiries: [e-mail]

Hi friends, this week we're doing a what would Leo do? I'm gonna give you advice on your situation and say how I would handle it. That's why it's called what would Leo do and say what I do. I want to start this episode off strong so we're going to talk about victim complex because the first person said, how do you handle people with a victim complex? So for my experience dealing with people that are trapped in a victim complex, So for my experience dealing with people that are trapped in a victim complex, them throwing away their power and people with a victim complex not seeing their responsibility or their control in a situation serves them.

You don't have to know why. You just have to understand who you're dealing with and why they're acting the way that they're acting. So with someone who is trapped in a victim mentality, anytime you try and Bring them to the awareness that they are in control or maybe they have contributed to the position that they're in They're gonna fight you on it and they're gonna defend their powerlessness because it serves them Like I said the person you're dealing with does not want to become aware of their part or what they can do to help themselves. They don't want to become aware of that at all. Everything you do is going to feel like an attack and it's going to lead to a lot of fights

and a lot of things being miscommunicated. But you're probably not communicating in a bad way. They just do not want to come face to face with the truth and the reality of they're in control and they can help themselves and their situation, whatever's going on. And that's a big reason why my podcast hits with a lot of people and a lot of people love it because you're ready for that step of going into your power and fixing your situation. You realize the whole powerlessness don't work.

You've realized everything people try and tell you about like, it's okay to feel like this and it's okay for your life to be bad. You can look for justification to stay stuck. You are your past that. You were so exhausted with that. I didn't do nothing, didn't help you. So you're looking for your power. So you like my podcast.

A lot of people don't like my podcast because they are in the victim mentality. They don't want to face the truth of their contribution to being where they're at, because people can't really face the pain that they're in. Like, I'm not saying everything is in your control, but what you do with the situation you're in, you can stay blind to any control you do have,

and stay powerless because it serves you, it helps you feel better about the place that you're in, or the quality of your life or lack of quality. A lot of people don't want to take on the responsibility of changing their life. It's easier just to throw your hands up and just say, ah, there's nothing I can do because maybe they convinced themselves. There is nothing that they can do. So they're going to fight to defend that. They're going to fight to defend that they have no control and they have no power.

So that's what I'm saying. Understanding where someone's at when they're stuck in this, it's for their own benefit as of right now. Whenever you talk to them, everything you say is gonna fall on deaf ears. They're not looking for their power. They're looking for justification to continue living a life the way that they're living it or handling a situation how they're handling it. And the biggest example of this that I get canceled for all the time is people being overweight and wanting to change it. If you're overweight and you like it, enjoy it. If you don't have any desire to look different or to lose weight, that's totally fine.

I'm not saying being overweight is bad. If that's what you want, go for it. Do it. I don't care. But the people who are overweight and want to lose weight, but sit over here and convince themselves, oh no, I can't lose weight. That is simply not true. And I literally used to be one of these people. When I was overweight, I convinced myself, it's not possible. I was like I've tried everything to try and lose weight and it sets you free from like having this desire and feeling the pain of not being able to achieve it. What I was doing at the time to try and achieve my desire of losing weight was not the way that was

most efficient. The other thing people are going to defend is any effort they have made wasn't for nothing. They don't want to look at the fact that the truth is the like old ways I was trying to lose weight. I didn't want to look at all of my effort being for nothing. I was so invested and I tried so hard in the certain ways that I thought would work and they didn't work. So it's easier to convince yourself and slap the label over it. This is not possible. I cannot achieve this because you get to feel like, okay, I tried and you get to feel good and justified with accepting defeat.

So that's another angle of why people will fight for their victim complex and fight for the reality that they've chosen to believe is real. Like it's kind of a delusion and feeling justified in that delusion and feeling good about accepting that is beneficial to them. But like the place you have to get to to convince yourself something is not possible. There's so many reasons why people do it. There's so many reasons. But my whole point here is like the example with me trying to lose weight for so long. Convincing myself of this delusion of like it's not possible, I cannot do it. I am somehow defective. Felt good because it saved me from all of the effort that

I've already put in being for nothing and trying to convince myself and force myself to do even more and try even harder for something I felt like wasn't attainable. If I just convince myself and force myself to do even more and try even harder for something I felt like wasn't attainable. If I just convince myself I'm defective and it can't work for me I don't have to worry about any of the headache or any of the crap in my brain of trying to force myself to go do this If I convince myself it's pointless. I'm free from the pressure of myself it's pointless. I'm free from the pressure of forcing myself to do it and try more stuff. So it feels like relief to just accept it. Like okay, no, I don't have to do it. All right, now okay, we're fine. But the hard thing about this is desire never dies. You cannot get rid of a desire that you have. And just because I convinced myself I can't lose weight. It felt like relief

for a little bit. It felt like relief from all the pressure I was under and all the things that I felt like I was gonna have to do and not feel like everything I do was a waste. It was just a relief for a little while, but the desire never died. It just felt a little less strong for a while. And every time I thought that I wanted it, I had a counter in my brain of you can't have it. So let's adjust to life of accepting we can't have it. That only lasts for so long, because I got to a point where the desire was very much still alive,

and instead of further continuing to convince myself I can't have it or I can't achieve it, I was like, let's try some other ways. Like I know basic fucking science, I'm a nurse, I know everything about the human body to the level of schooling taught me. And I know how weight loss happens. It's a numbers game with calories.

So I literally just, my brain could not let me sit down and just accept the feet. And I was like, I have to explore more stuff. But my biggest point with that was, it wasn't until that desire kept burning through me and all my excuses and bullshit that I was like, you know what? Let's take a more empowered approach. So if you're dealing with someone who is so attached to the victim complex, it serves them for now. You're going to just have to let them be in it and let it burn their ass

so they get up and want to switch it. There's no real way to get through to someone who is convinced they have no power and no control. Cause like I said, they're going to fight to defend it. Anytime you try and bring it up, they're going to fight you on it. You're trying to rip them out of their reality and their comfort and what they've found for them that feels better. So whenever you're fighting them, they're not fighting you that they're actually a victim.

They're fighting for their comfort that they've found. They're fighting for their reality, and they don't want you to disturb it, because there's pain on the outside of their reality they've found that comforts them. So your best bet with someone is to stop trying to force them out of their reality and join them in it, like flip to the other side,

get fully in their perspective with them where you're not like across the table, like going at them, it's like you get on their side of the table and you sit next to them and you see the world through their lens, you feel what they're feeling and you see their perspective. How is this serving them?

Because once you understand how it's serving them, you can find other ways to meet the needs that they have, that they're meeting with their false sense of reality. If that makes sense, it's low key, a manipulation tactic people could say, but it's really not. It's getting fully another perspective so you can help them break out of it. That's the only way to help someone who feels trapped in a certain reality. You have to get into it with them to help them get out of it. You have to get in to see the way out and then guide them to it.

But a lot of people don't have the time to deal with that shit. So I personally do not get around and spend time with people who have a victim mentality because that translates into so many other areas. Like it's very painful to see your control in a situation and to not be reactive and to not just like back down and fall down into a corner and let life kind of happen to you. Like it's a whole different ball game and it takes a whole different type of person to grab life by the balls and make it what you want to make it. Regardless of what happens, you stay resilient and you stay persistent.

That's a whole different type of person. That's a whole different type of like character they have and a whole different mindset. These are the type people I like to surround myself with. So when someone pops up with a victim mentality, I try to stay away from them because I don't have the time to go into it with every single person. If you're someone very close to me, I will invest that into you and try and help you, but people are not going to want to change until they want to change. It's serving them for now.

So you have to let them sit in it and sit in that victim complex until it no longer serves them. You have to let that desire burn a hole through all of their excuses and all of their bullshit that are basically feeding themselves. It's a sad thing to watch when you care about somebody, that's what I'm saying. If you care about somebody, invest the time into going another perspective and helping them through it. But if it's someone that you're just dealing with, avoid the thing that they're avoiding responsibility of. Like, don't touch it. Don't hit that topic. If it's a coworker or it's someone you're forced to be around and you understand how they are, move around it. Understand how they are. You know how they're

going to react. You know they're not going to see that they have any responsibility or any control in a situation. So you're basically going to have to treat them like a fucking baby and just work around them. Learn the person, figure them out and stay away from trying to force them to see their responsibility and force them to see if they're not a victim. Stop trying to do that, it's serving them. So work around them. If it's a superficial relationship, but if it's someone that you care about, get into

it with them, the whole experience of like going another perspective and then helping them break out of it It's got to be a gentle thing and you have to comfort them along the way It's very hard to just rip them out of it if you listen to my podcast Where's my fuckers that life is just rip this out of things we don't get the comfort But this can be a gentle process or it can be a harsh one But I'm just telling you if you ever try and go up against someone with a victim complex It's not gonna go well. They're defending their reality. They want to live in because the true reality and the truth of life

Feels worse for them than the life that they're living. So that's my advice for dealing with someone with a victim complex Don't or fully do it All right, the next person said how do I let the ones I love the most go? I feel like I need them even though I'm being treated badly. I want to do a full podcast episode about how to let people go, but for your specific situation with feeling like you need the people who treat you poorly, look at exactly what you feel like you need them for. Is it a sense of comfort? Is it a sense of belonging? Are they paying for shit? You can't afford. Are they giving you some sort of lifestyle or resource? What do you feel exactly like you need them for? Because to sit here and say,

I feel like I need them, that's totally valid. But I want to challenge you to get very specific on what it is you feel like you need them for. Make a literal list of all the things you feel like you need from these people. And then you're going to go through this list and look at all the needs that you have and you feel like you can only get from them. Ask yourself, can you give any of those things to yourself or can someone else give you these things? Because when love gets involved, all logic and reason go out the window. So you might be convincing yourself that these are the only people who can give you what you feel like you need. You have to really ask yourself that, are they the only people able to give me this or can

other people give it to me? But my main focus with this list is, what are these things you need them for? Can you do these things for yourself? That's always gonna be your number one. Because if you find out there's 10 things on your list and you can give seven of them to yourself, start giving them to yourself and then you know exactly what to ask other people for

or what to seek out. You know those three exact other things that you need that you can directly go for and ask people for. But my whole point with the process of finding out exactly what you need and then start meeting it for yourself or with someone else, I'm not talking about a relationship, don't step out. This situation sounded like a family or deal,

so that's why I'm kind of hitting that. I'm not saying go step out on your partner and go cheat. But by you starting to meet these needs for yourself and get the things that you feel like you get out of them for yourself or with other people, you're gradually going to outgrow these people who are treating you bad because you're going to start seeing all the needs you meet for yourself. They're met in other areas. You don't have to go to these people for them anymore. If you're sticking around and tolerating bad treatment because of certain needs being met, I fully get it, but my shift here is to help you see

other ways of getting it met for yourself so you don't have to suffer for it because that's where things can go bad and you'll turn against yourself and you'll turn the knife at you. And you'll try and like cut these needs out of yourself because you're gonna look at it like I need these things. So I have to be around these people which is causing me pain. When you don't feel control over a situation, you're going to blame yourself subconsciously, eventually.

So that's what I'm saying. Get ahold of this quick. Do not just put up with being treated bad because you can't get these needs anywhere else. But I will say like you have to be realistic. A lot of these little spiritual people and everybody likes to promote all this crap and it sounds nice and pretty on paper, but you try to apply it and it's like, no way. If you actually need these certain people for certain things that you actually can't get from someone else or you can't get them for a while, like if you're talking about closeness with somebody that takes time. If you're only sense of closeness is with the people who are treating you bad, still make that list and get every need that you can meet elsewhere, met elsewhere.

And you can go to these people who are treating you bad for the time being to continue with these last one or two needs that you actually can't get somewhere else. Because it means you're going gonna be around them less. You're gonna be less invested. And you're gonna slowly outgrow them. Like I said, you're no longer gonna need them for so much.

Distance will grow. And typically when people treat you bad, it's because they're comfortable with your presence. So as you start to retract and draw back and need them less, they might become a little bit more appreciative of your time and company and treat you better because you're around them less. They might become a little bit more appreciative of your time and company and treat you better because you're around them less if that makes sense.

But you specifically said, these are the people that you love the most. This is gonna be hard as hell. I just have to be really honest with you, like it's gonna be very hard, but this love you have for these people, you can't let it control you forever. And you're not going to feel such a strong sense of love toward them forever.

I just want you to know that the way you're feeling right now and the way you feel about them right now is not going to be like that forever. They're not always going to be the person or the people that you love the most. So much is going to change just by you making that list and becoming aware of it. And as soon as you line up with someone who loves you without hurting you and treating you bad and meets needs for you without you experiencing the pain, your love for this new person

is gonna trump all the old people. You might have the sense of familiarity and the longevity and like the time and experience with the people who hurt you, but you're gonna feel a lot closer and more cared about and love the new person more once you line up with them. It's just a matter of time. But with that, you have to be a little careful

because if you're used to loving someone and getting needs met and associating that with pain and being treated poorly, when someone new pops in that actually meets your needs without hurting you or treating you bad, they treat you nice. You're not going to know what the hell to do with it. So brace for it, prepare for it, because as you prepare for it, you make space for it vibrationally. Okay, we're talking a little bit of a lot of attraction to help you attract this person.

When you prepare for it, you're making space for it. And now this person has a place to come into your life. Take all this focus out of the people you love so much and put a little bit of it into understanding yourself, what you need, what you want, how you want to feel, and how to go about getting that and then watch what unfolds. Because letting them go is going gonna be 10 times easier. Cause if you just go from loving these people the most and your needs only being met here

to just cutting them off, you're gonna have no people you love, none of your needs being met and it's gonna be 10 times more painful. So I'm talking about like a smooth transition if you wanna go for it, but if you really out for a challenge, drop everybody. That one's just gonna feel even more like hell. You're gonna feel like you've been go for it, but if you really are for a challenge drop everybody

That was just gonna feel even more like hell you're gonna feel like you've been set on fire Emotionally, but you'll get through it. It's just a matter of like how high do you want to turn up the heat like how how bad do you want to make it before it gets good? Okay, the next person said I only seem to attract narcissists. What's your advice? So I used to be in that same boat with you, paddling along, hating life. But the biggest thing you gotta understand about narcissists is how you're a match to them. Narcissists are matches to co-dependence. Co-dependence basically have no sense of self.

They'll do anything to appease and caretake and put their whole life and base their whole life around someone. Who's that a perfect match for? Anarsisist. Co-dependence and people who are a match to anarsis, act like they have no needs of their own. They act like they have no thoughts, beliefs, preferences, wants, needs, desires, because

they don't want to feel like a bother. So you're not wanting to feel like a bother, not voicing anything that you feel or anything that you have or are as a person, allows you to mold to anyone you meet. You're going to mold exactly to a narcissist. They need someone like you. They need someone to fully cater to them, only worry about them and mold to their entire life. They don't give a shit about yours. They're not gonna take you into consideration, but you're a match because you act like you have nothing to take into consideration. You just sit back and suppress everything in you so that you can get acceptance and approval from this narcissist or this person. But that doesn't mean you don't have needs. You're a whole person. You have your whole life.

You have all your preferences, boundaries, needs, wants, desires. You have all of it. And you're the only one left to make sure any of that gets met because you're not communicating it. That's where your resentment is going to come from. You're alone to do everything for yourself and be there for you. And also be wrapped up in this entire person's life. You're a match to it for a reason. You're not going to be a match

to an narcissist as soon as you verbalize that you have preferences or needs or wants. As soon as you voice an opinion on narcissists going to run away, They're not going to have space for another human being. They have people who are moldable and adaptable to their life. You're not going to be able to be a match to a narcissist as soon as you have a sense of self. So that's my biggest advice if you're always a match to a narcissist because I was dealing with the same crap for so long. Have a sense of self, learn yourself your preferences learn your needs learn your wants and Express that be open about that any normal person is not gonna be excited by the fact that you adapt to them

And you have nothing you need from them people like to feel of use normal people healthy people want to be aware of your Balondries and wants and preferences and needs so they can help you meet them be aware of your boundaries and wants, preferences and needs so they can help you meet them. Nobody wants someone to just walk in and act like they fully can take care of themselves, but a narcissist. A narcissist is gonna love that. A narcissist is gonna love when you shut the fuck up and don't have nothing about you. It's all about them. So that's kind of a way to discern between a narcissist versus not a narcissist, communicate

that you have feelings and thoughts and emotions and needs and see the reaction. People who care about that and want to care take that and help you with that are normal-ass people who are going to lead to a more healthy situation. If somebody's just happy that you have nothing about yourself and they don't seem interested or curious, what are your needs and wants? What do you think? What do you like? If they don't take any interest in that or even question or even have curiosity,

that's not something, riff that. All right, the next person said, how do I get fit on a budget? I feel like everything is so expensive, free workout, protein, gym attire, shoes, everything is overwhelming, and I need to know how to get fit on a budget.

I'm gonna make this real easy, real simple for you. You do not need anything more than a gym membership, and you can get cheap ones. Like there's some that are like $15 a month, some of it $30 a month. All you need is clothes to wear to the gym. You don't have to get fancy workout clothes. I work out in a tank top and cheap $40 sweat pants.

Like, this is my uniform for the gym. And I just put like a different shoe. I accessorize with a shoe, but you don't need to look a certain way. You don't have to have clothes that are perfect and like, they don't have to be gym attire. I'd be going to the gym in hoodies and sweatsuits and random crap.

It's like everything can be used wherever you need to wear it. Get what's comfortable, but you don't need to have gym attire and gym bags. And this is just me hitting the gym attire part. We're gonna get into the supplements and all that in a second. But you don't even need to have the fancy water bottle. Go get it down, bottle of water, just a normal one. And just take it to the gym. You don't actually need anything to go work out at all. A lot of brands and a lot of influencers and social media. Everyone makes it seem like you need all these things to go to the gym or to

live this fit lifestyle. Girl, you don't need none of it. That's all a lot of marketing schemes to sell you on this idea of how going to the gym should look. You should see the things I used to show up in as a gym. I didn't give a shit. I still don't. Like I literally have a uniform because it works. It's easy. But you don't have to look like everybody else in the gym. You don't have to go by all the expensive clothes, the lulemon, the aloe, all that crap. You don't need it. It's nice to have it. It's fun. It's a little perk. You can use it to reward yourself once you've gone for a month, two months. Buy yourself new shit at every milestone or every amount of time you go. Buy

a new piece of clothing, buy a little gym bag, buy a nice water bottle, use that to kind of reward yourself as you go. Don't look at it like, okay, go into the gym has to be this giant monetary investment of buying all this crap Now we're gonna get into supplements and all the shit that people try and sell you on you don't need protein powder You don't need pre-workout you literally do not need BCAA's creatine. You don't need none of this shit It's all like a little cherry on top the whole cake's already there. You don't need any of it If you have a cup of coffee, you can go to the gym. That's what I used for pre-workout for like years before I actually started

pre-workout. You don't need to have it. It's an energy booster. It feels better. There are certain ingredients in pre-workouts, some pre-workouts that give you a better pump and help with being hydrated and getting a better pump Gatorade powder is good for sodium hydration all that you don't need to go buy full gatorades by the big tub a Gatorade powder and just scoop it in there if you want some hydration You don't have to go buy all this fancy stuff get your little coffee get your little banana Done, but if you are gonna buy one thing. I would suggest protein I'm not gonna give you a specific brand because they all piss me off and a lot of them are so corrupt behind the scenes And a lot of them tastes like chalk okay, if you're gonna focus on getting one thing

Get a protein powder and just start with that You don't have to have all the atrix of all the other shit because if you really look at it like back in the old days Did they have any of this shit? No, so don't stress too much about it You don't need any of these things to go to the gym and have a good workout and to see major results You're gonna be just fine with all this stuff. It is fun. Is it a little accessory? It's like Added. It's nice like when you have a pre workout that has beta alinean in it It's like the itchy feeling you get like that's fun for some people I like a little bit. I like to do the half scoop. I don't like to feel like there's ants all over me

But all these ingredients all these supplements all this crap that people try and sell you on you do not need it You can go get great results and have great workouts without all of it And there's a lot of ways the shortcut it and cheat it, like how I just kind of talked about, research it, look it up. But you do not need to have all this stuff just to go to the gym. Trust. Okay, this next situation got my adrenaline going. So this girl said, my new boyfriend is friends with his old friends with benefits.

He tells me not to worry because they're strictly friends now. They hang out and she likes calling him. Am I allowed to set boundaries around this? Is that okay or should I just deal with it? I really feel so bad that you're even asking like, should I just have to deal with it? Oh no babe, not at all. This is absolutely okay to set boundaries around and you have

to first see if you're the type person who would be okay with this at all. Because all setting boundaries is going to do is make you feel safe and more comfortable with this dynamic going on. So first things first is see if you actually are even okay with this. I personally am fucking not and I recently Who does make me mad? I recently started talking to somebody and that's a conversation that we had. Are you friends with any of your exes? Are you friends with anyone that you used to like play with? It's actually you know what I mean? Are any of these people still in your life and if so, we got some cut in to do. I don't

ask for anything I can't offer. I do not stay friends with people who have had access to me sexually because I don't want to go into a relationship and go be with someone and then have that worry, have that any of it, I'm too busy for this little headache and this bullshit, but I am someone who is 100% not okay with it. If someone has had access to you sexually, I don't want y'all being friends, I don't want y'all being day to day, it's not a trust thing.

It's like, I'm just not cool with it. I'm never gonna feel comfortable, I'm never gonna feel safe, I'm never gonna feel encouraging and supportive of you spending time with this person. A lot of people can call it and secure call it what the fuck you want, I don't care. I personally don't like it. But this ain't about me, this is about you. You gotta decide if you are the type person who can be okay with that. Are you someone that could be comfortable with it or is it an absolute fuckno for you? Because that's okay if it is.

It's totally okay if that is a non-negotiable. But if you are someone that you feel like you could be comfortable with it, there are plenty of boundaries you can set up around it. You can ask to see and be aware of any communication had. You can ask to hang out with them together and observe the dynamic for yourself. You can ask for them only to hang out when you're there. There's plenty of

things you can ask, but he can also say no. He can also tell you to kick rocks and eat shit. That's my friend and I'm a see-hers been time with her. You have to assess in yourself are you okay with that? When you set a boundary like this and want to do things to make yourself comfortable with the friend that your boyfriend has that he used to fuck. When you set things up for that, they might get batted down. He might shoot them down and be like, nope. But these things should not be an attempt to control him and control the relationship that

they have. If you feel the need to control it and always be there, that is the sign you might not ever be okay with it. If you're going to set up a boundary with him around this girl that he's hanging out with, it should just be to make you feel more at ease and comfortable and safe. It's going to look different for everybody. It's not going to look like nothing for me and ain't happening. But I really want to give you the reassurance and the peace of mind that it is okay for that to be a non-negotiable. Alright, the next person said, how do I stop

fearing losing my routine because of someone? I'm assuming this is about a relationship and being worried that you're going to lose your routine and what you need to do because of them, or you might be talking about losing the routine of talking to someone and being with someone consistently. So I'm gonna hear both of these just in case. So if you're worried about your routine being interrupted, you gotta kinda take inventory of your routine and see what is a non-negotiable for your routine.

Like for me, go into the gym in the morning. Don't talk to me. I'm not good for nothing and I'm not being nice to nobody. If I'm gonna go to the gym in the morning, that's where I get my day started. I get the indoor from the lease. I feel good.

I get all my little demons out. I'll be going to add it with all of them in the gym. I get it out. I start off the day like for me, I like it. I feel refreshed. I feel good. I don't have to worry about it. It's like done for the day. And then I work after the gym. And those are my two non-negotiable periods after my work day. Some days I don't have much to do. So I can hang out during the day.

But most of my days are gym work. And then I'm off. Like I have a lot of things I do at night, I never stop working, but my nighttime past like 5 p.m. is flexible and I can do what I want. So if you ever would see that you're used to, it's gonna make you safe to care about when you meet someone or try and incorporate someone into your life because they're gonna see you stick to it and know and get the peace of mind that you do and make sure you get everything done That you need to do for you for your life for your goals for your work

Whatever it is you're gonna become a very safe person to care about so bend in your routine where you can and where you want to but stick to your routine and you want to, but stick to your routine. And having a routine that you stick to and people knowing they can't access you at like these certain times and you're stuck in it and you're like working on your own shit gives them a chance to miss you. And that is huge. That is huge for relationships, friendships,

any of it really. Like time where people can't access you. Ah, like it's the best thing. Like getting the chance to miss someone is great. It's so much fun Do not let the excitement of someone ruin your routine You're gonna want to see them. You're gonna want to bend your routine Do it here and there where you can do not fuck up your own goals and what you're working on Because of the excitement of someone new.

Enjoy that excitement. And I'm speaking to myself kind of in this like enjoy the feeling of wanting to see somebody. Enjoy having that. Enjoy missing them because every time you see them or you're with them, it keeps that little flame alive that you feel the excitement and all of it. It's like you have your own life taken care of and good so when you spend time with them you're not thinking about everything you didn't do or how you ruined your routine or

you didn't get to the certain things that you needed to do you just get to go be with them and have fun because you did all your shit see but now I want to talk about losing the routine of talking to someone or spending time with somebody This is gonna be like a tricky road to navigate But when you have someone in your life consistently or you do things consistently you do get into a routine so Always kind of make a fallback plan and I'm not saying like always but Plan for it like if you're going to make plans with somebody that you're in a routine with Always have something else you're planning to do if they say no like tonight

I wanted to go see the boy I'm talking to so fucking bad But I know I needed to do this podcast I could have pushed this off and done it tomorrow and that would have been totally fine I knew I needed to do it tonight But I could have done it tomorrow and not ruined my routine like I had an extra slot to do it So I was like I want to see you and he's extremely busy too So I asked him what his plans were for tonight because I want to be over there But he's very very busy and he has a lot of things he has to get done by tomorrow morning for work

So he is fully busy tonight and before I even text them to ask what he was doing to talk about hanging out I already said in my mind if he's busy. I'm doing my podcast tonight So I didn't fall victim to the whole oh my god like my routine of seeing him is broken It's like and I'm the one over here like sad and and fucked up over it. Like no girl, if you can't hang out, I have another plan. I'm gonna go do my podcast. So preparing for the routine to go either way and making sure you're good regardless is important. And you don't want to have like all your eggs in one basket with the plan of like, this is how it's gonna go. And then the other person's busy or they cancel or whatever it is.

And you don't have something else you can do. Cause you're gonna be all upset and not be thinking logically. So know that you have things to do and set that up for yourself if the routine plans fall through. So you're never feeling like you're left around waiting for someone or your life is dependent on them. Because here I am making the podcast. I don't have to do it tomorrow

Now I got it done tonight, but just having that plan for myself Made me not like I can't see him like I'm just like damn like I want to be over like I want to see you right now bitch But I'm not like freaking out over it my night's not ruined I'm still using my time efficiently because I don't see it tomorrow night. And now I don't have to do this tomorrow night. But I think you get my point. Like if you're scared of losing the routine with someone, start stacking your routine with them and what you typically do.

Start brainstorming ideas of what you'd be doing instead of these things. Like especially if you're dating and you feel like you're about to end it and you're used to living with someone a certain way, start just like before it even ends. Don't plan for it to end. I'm just saying, what else would I be doing right now if we weren't doing this? So if the routine does break or does end, you don't feel so blindsided and so hopeless and so scared. I'm like trying

to figure it out. Like you've already kind of thought it through. So that's my advice with both sides of the situation. Okay, this next one, someone said, is it mind games when someone says they don't want a relationship, but they treat you like a girlfriend. So there's a couple of things I want to check before I roast his ass. Okay, I'm always going to have your back, but I'm'm gonna call you out on me too. You asked is it mind games? I want to say no. You might just be reading things wrong. So let me let me break it down first. Don't freak out. Don't get mad yet. If someone says I don't want a relationship and then they do things that are congruent with what it's like to be in a relationship. You have to accept those things. You have to tolerate them and allow them to go on.

If someone says they don't want a relationship, that means they don't get access to the version of you and how you are in relationships. So if they're doing these couple of things, even though they said they don't want a relationship and you are falling into the pattern of like how you are in relationships, nicks that shit. You don't give them relationship you if they don't want a relationship. So if they start being a little too friendly, a little too flirty, a little too thoughtful, and they start doing things that are like signifiers of relationships or do things that relationship people do do do things that people are in a relationship do You can politely say no, hey, we're not gonna do this. Let's not act like this like you're allowed to set up

Boundaries with like what they're allowed to do if you say you don't want a relationship You don't get to act like we're in one if it makes me uncomfortable Does that make sense like you're allowed to say no to certain things that kind of shut shit down, but also, if someone says to you, I don't wanna be in a relationship, but you're still entertaining them and spending time with them. If what you want is a relationship, you're going to be falsely assessing and reading things

and taking them a different way than they're being intended. If you're hoping for a relationship, but they laid down the law and said, I don't want one, do not look at anything they're doing as relationship or as wanting more or as pursuing it further. Until they communicate, they've had a change in heart and they wanna pursue that, don't take shit,

they're doing serious. Do not read into anything, because like you're hopeful little heart might be doing it. You're gonna do it. Like you're gonna hope for more. You're gonna hope it goes there and they want a relationship if that is what you want. So just protect yourself mentally and kind of set that up that you're not gonna overthink things or misread things. Like if they say it's not a relationship, don't look at anything they're doing as a relationship or as like having feelings or taking it further. It's not until communicated otherwise. By them. Let me clarify.

Alright, the last person said, say something to me to give me motivation to start exercising again after a few bad weeks. So, if you've fallen off the wagon and you fucked up for a couple of weeks, the only thing you can do from this standpoint you're in right now is continue fucking up and continue having bad weeks or switch it and get back on track. There's no point in sitting here and beating yourself up for everything that's just happened. You have a choice right now, you're at a crossroads, you can continue down the road you're on or you can switch it and get back on track

and in the direction you wanna go. The thing that's gonna give you motivation is looking at how much you just fucked up. I know this sounds bad and a little backwards, but you need to face the reality of how bad you just fell off. Look at the consequences for you falling off. Look how far veer it off on the path you got. It might not be as bad as you thought, or it might be worse than you thought. That's the motivation that's

going to kick your ass back on the right track. Facing the reality. Not beating yourself up, but looking at the sheer consequences and the place you are currently in. Look at your body, look at how you feel, look at how you've been eating, look at everything for what it is. Way yourself, look in the mirror, face the reality. And that is going to be all the motivation you need. You're not facing the reality and looking in the mirror to criticize yourself and beat yourself up. It is to look at where you've landed because of how you've been living. And you get to decide, do I want to keep going down this road or do I not? You're not there to beat yourself up like I said I have to do this all the time with myself

I only fall off for like a day or two at a time So it doesn't really work that well But like if you've had a few weeks where you've fallen off really face it look at where you are See how much you don't like it and don't criticize yourself Don't beat yourself up is not a time for attack This is time for you to just face the reality of where you're at. And get that little kick in the ass of motivation. Because you can sit here and try and force yourself to find motivational things, find inspiring things. But the real motivation you need is facing

the reality of where you are at. Oh my God. That the kick in the ass you always need. Like that's what does it for me. That's motivation don't go away. It's like, you can convince yourself it's not as bad as you think and where certain clothes do you feel better or like convince yourself you like haven't done that bad and you don't look that bad. But when you really just look at it, it's like damn. Stop comforting yourself about where you're at if you don't like it. Make it uncomfortable. Face the reality. And you're going to have no other like feeling state besides I want to make this better.

And that's the one that I'll kind of stick with you. It's going to suck. It's going to be bad. But just get back on track. That's all you can do. Don't forget on yourself. Don't get mad at yourself. Don't punish yourself. and this is not punishment. This is just you changing. Okay, because I realize this is not how I want to go Going down this road leads me to a path. I don't want to go. I'm gonna switch to a new one and act how I need to and do what I need to

So I can look better. Feel better. Do better and that is all I've got for this episode of what would Leo do? If you want to be featured in the next episode I will leave the link in the next episode, I will leave the link in the description for where you can go and type your situation. It's all anonymous. I don't know who writes what. So don't stress about that.

Don't worry. I'll never say your name on here. It's between us. Okay. If you want to put your name, put your name on, give shit. But I'll use code names. I will also link all of my social media in the description if you want to keep up with me and follow me.

Add me on Snapchat. I've been hootin' and hollarin' on there because that's my most unfiltered app. Like I don't have to watch my mouth that much. I have to watch some things. And I will also leave your link to my merch and all of my worksheets and templates. I keep forgetting to mention those, but you guys have been loving them. People still buy them all the time. So my templates for discipline and motivation, like for diet plan, meal plan, all that,

go check them out. They're what I use to keep myself on track because a lot of people asked me about that So especially the last girl who wants to get back on track go get them and trust me fill them out You you'll be right on track like I had to reprint my diet plan today. I was like But if you enjoyed this episode and you're watching on YouTube leave this video a thumbs up if you're new subscribe We wait on and if you're listening to the audio leave this video a thumbs up. If you're new, subscribe. We wait non. And if you're listening to the audio version of this podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, go leave me a five-star rating.

That's how you could say thank you. And I say thank you by making more episodes. And on that note, everybody be safe, take care of yourself, and I will talk to you guys next Sunday. And I will talk to you guys next Sunday.