BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 10. In A Situation-ship, Slept With Him Too Soon And Make More Money. Now What?

Episode Date: May 29, 2023

Check out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.margaritanazarenko.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for my 20 FEMININE ENERGY PRINCIPLES masterclass and more from me. ATTACHED: https://amzn.to/3oTjsUc GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT: https://amzn.to/413lxKG ADULT IN RELATIONSHIPS: https://amzn.to/3p4K7h1 20 feminine energy principles : https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesales  Amazon book list : https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenko  Become Magnetic (Free Ebook): https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/  BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko podcast:  https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/being-her-with-margarita-nazarenko/id1679077626 https://open.spotify.com/show/7D9nPxiPw7gRcXuUwaVDIH  How to become securely attached: https://youtu.be/TDGj1nAt_N8  How to detach: https://youtu.be/9rsLwtsBu6o Business Inquiries: https://www.mgmt.com.au/creator/margarita-nazarenko Email me: [e-mail]  Talk To Me:  https://snipfeed.co/margaritanazarenko/shoutouts/U2hvdXRvdXQ6NjM2NWM2MzkzYTIyZDMzYTE5MTJiMWZj?canGoBack=true. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beingherwithmargarita/messageSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome to Being Her, the ultimate guide to living your best life as her. Join me, Margarita, on an empowering journey to discover your feminine energy, build meaningful relationships, and find your purpose. So let's dive in and explore all things womanhood together. Ladies, gentlemen, on today's episode, I have put out a Q&A on my Instagram and it's my first experimentation into answering your actual questions. What I want to do in the coming weeks is actually put your voice notes onto my podcast and see how you like this format. So please do let me know. Screenshot this episode and put it on your Instagram. Give me feedback. Let me know if the

question and answer style works for you because I get a lot of DMs and questions about specific life scenarios and as much as they might fit into an overall broader spectrum of things I'm talking about, they're not always going to be individual. So I'm going to look at these questions for the first time and I'm going to answer them if I was sitting across the table from you and actually answering these questions without maybe knowing the background. Some of these questions are things like do you have lip fillers? I don't know if those questions are relevant to you, but I might answer some of them and you guys let me know in your feedback. One of the first questions is,

Biggest step to healing anxious attachment with an avoidant husband. If I was sitting across from you and understanding the fact that you have an avoidant husband, but the operative word is husband, because let's differentiate between husbands and boyfriends. If you have someone in your life who's already stepped forward enough to be your husband, to propose to you, to get married to you, to say those vows in front of your family, then in the instance of avoidance, he is not that avoidant to the point where you cannot work with him. The person is there for you enough to have stepped into a relationship with you and said, let's do this. So how do you make someone whose avoidance step out of their avoidant tendencies, and that is by exemplifying secure attachment yourself?

In the dynamic of avoidant and anxious, the two people together, what will happen is the more, anxious you are, the more avoidant they'll get, and the more avoidant they get is the more anxious you become. So it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. They believe everyone's trying to engulf them and stop them from living their life and not let them breathe, and you believe that everyone's trying to leave you, abandon you, and leave you on your own, and it's just a disaster. So if you are on your journey of self-development and improvement and creating the life you want, then you are the one in the driver's seat. If he's made enough of a commitment to you to marry you,

then try and deploy secure attachment. How to do that? I've got videos on it on my YouTube channel. I've discussed it on this podcast. But essentially, if you Google or if you go into my YouTube channel and you find out how it is, one act secure, you must begin to act secure, as unnatural as it feels,

because it will allow the avoidant to lean into the relationship. Next question is, did you have healthy attachment style when you met your husband? I did not. I was anxiously attached my whole life due to how I grew up, due to things that happened to me in my childhood. That's where attachment comes from. And when I met him, I was thriving in my anxious attachment. And I had to really battle myself and really change myself in order to exemplify that secure

attachment because my husband leans avoidant when you put too much pressure on him when you create an atmosphere for him that he's not comfortable in he will lean avoidance so i had to work on that and it's been a process and it's been a long time but it's something that is 100% worth it because to be secure is what makes life livable i know that sounds like such a a big statement to say but when you can be secure, other people's feelings cannot affect you. Next question. I was asked out by a man I like. My divorce is final next week. How do I bring it up? No kids. Look, I think if you were asked out by a man, the first thing you need to do is go on the date. You don't need to bring up your medical status, your history, your likes and dislikes,

figure out if you likes dogs and he likes cats. You are giving too much ownership to the man who's not yet anything to you. So go on the date and figure it out from there. Your divorce is filed next week so he might not even need to know about your divorce. What do I do if I've already had sex with a guy but now I think I want something more serious with him? This question comes up so often for me and I think it's because people get mired down and bogged down and the whole idea of one should not have sex early on because then it will lead to this, that on the other and I'm going to clarify it for you. If the guy is interested in you and you've already slept with him and it's all fine and he's still pursuing you, then that's great. The man wanted you and he will exemplify wanting

you moving forward. The reason you shouldn't sleep with a man just off the bat if you're looking for a serious relationship is you will spend your time sleeping with a lot of men who pretend they want something more serious with you and feeling dejected and rejected after all this said and done because now you've slept with 10 more men than you were planning to. That is the reason. It's a self-protective strategy. It's not, doesn't make you bad, it doesn't make anything bad happen. And if he was into you, he will be into you and it's not a problem. But the reason why I don't advise everybody jumping into bed with everybody

is because a lot of times you're going to give to people something that they have not earned or deserved. And sex is not about being earned or deserved, but I will tell you this. If you have slept with way more people than you've anticipated or even known from a bar of soap, you don't know this man, but you're sleeping with him because in your head he's your future husband, and then it turns out he's not your future husband. And then that happens 20 times. It will take a hit on your self-esteem. And you're going to be writing to me asking why are men like this and why did they treat you like this?

I have the same type of boundaries for friendships, and I would have the same type of boundaries for all things considered. I would just not let people so close to you before they've earned your trust. but if you've already slept with him and it's all going smoothly and wonderfully, it's not a problem. My boyfriend keeps going clubbing weekly. Is that correct? There is no correct or incorrect in life, but I will say this. Every person has a match within another person of what they feel is something that they would be willing to live. If you've ever wanted to make a podcast, if you've got something to say, which I think all of you do.

Spotify has a platform for you that you can do it really easily on. All in one place, it's free and you can even earn money. Spotify for podcasters lets you record and edit podcasts right from your phone or computer, which is what I do. So no matter what your setup is, it's not complicated to start creating today. Then you can distribute it everywhere that podcasts are listened to. Then you can even monetize it. You can do a Q&A section.

You can do polls. and all these amazing things. Basically, it was really, really easy for me to do. For me, the obstacle was the tech aspect, and I know a lot of you wanted to hear from me, so Spotify made it possible for me to create this podcast, so I'm really grateful. Download the Spotify for podcasters app

or go to www.spotify.com forward slash podcasters to get started. I'm, Margarita. I don't go to a club every week. just as myself when I'm single. So if I was to meet someone and they wanted to go to a club every week, it just wouldn't gel. Are you the type of girl who likes to go clubbing every week? Is that the type of culture you come from?

By culture, I mean the things you like to do. Some culture is going to art galleries. Some culture is going to clubs every week. Did you guys meet at a club? Is that where his friends always hang out? You've got to ask these questions. What is the reason? If my husband suddenly started going clubbing every week, for me it would be a huge problem. Why?

Because the guy has not been to a club for the last four years. But for you, is that the type of environment you come from? Are you trying to change someone despite knowing that they are the way that they are? Or is this a new behavior? You always have to step back and analyze things coming from a point of view of who is this for me? What does my future entail with this person? What's it going to look like? Am I the clubbing weekly type of gal and why is he clubbing and your answer is somewhere in there? Is it a smart move for women to focus more on a relationship than career? This question is juicy and fascinating and I'll tell you why. The idea and the concept of focus is at the key when it comes to this question. on a relationship is sometimes a negative trait for a woman, especially one who is trying to amplify her feminine energy. To focus on a relationship brings out these slightly neurotic and over stimulating tendencies in a woman. I'm focusing on my relationship right now. What does that mean? What are you focusing on? Where he goes? What he does? What he likes to eat? You are now

generating a mothering energy. You are over-focused on him, and that's not a good look. Secondly, though, should you be focusing on your career? While that depends entirely on you, are you a career-focused type of woman? Because this is the thing that I will say and will always say, and that is if you are not career-driven naturally, please don't let the world tell you that career is the be-all and end-all. Career is not going to hug you at night. Career is not going to make you feel good. Career is not a person. career is not a reality it has no soul so if you love your career focus on your career baby but if you've got no career that you love focus on other things what do you love to do focus on you not on

relationship not on career but focus on you what is your self-development journey what do you want to look like be like feel like see experience involve in divulge in what is it what is your journey and that is truly which you should be focused on How to stay in your feminine energy when you're with someone miserable and never happy. The reality of that question is, if you are with someone who's always miserable and never happy, the tone of that question denotes to me that this isn't someone you adore, but they are having a bout of depression and you want to help them. The fact that they're miserable denotes to me that it's somebody who's just draining your energy.

And the beauty of feminine energy is that when you deploy it and when you deploy it, you sit comfortably in it, other things start to drop away. If you're in your feminine energy, you're enjoying your life, you're amplifying your life, and this misery guts is always next to you, being miserable and putting you down. Sooner or later, they will fall away, and part of being in your feminine is letting things go that no longer serve you. So he will either step up, becoming his masculine, and try and make you happy, or he will fall away. He said he wants something casual, but then gets in a serious, relationship after I ended things with him. I'm going to be honest because I don't know how else to be.

And if a man said that to you, that means he wasn't that into you, to the point of wanting to commit to you. He wanted something casual with you, but he wanted something serious with her. And men are often honest, but how they are honest is in their own way. So he said it honestly. He wasn't looking for anything serious with you, but with her he was. How do you? How do you? did you know that your husband is the one? I think this is a personal question in terms of myself knowing, but I'll redirect it to you. Do you believe in the one? I don't necessarily believe in the one. I believe in making what you want work. Choosing someone who wants to work and wants to grow and wants to develop together. I chose by values. He wanted family. So did I. I saw good qualities in him,

how he relates to the world and things around him, kindness, things like that. Is this someone who I want as my teammate to create something with? By something, I mean a family and children, it's like starting a business. It's like the biggest thing you will ever start. So I like to remove the romantic idea. Of course it's romantic, but I can't prescribe romance, right? I can't tell you how to romantically feel about someone. But I will say, are they the one?

you want to keep working with. And if they are, then that's how you know. My boyfriend proposed me after six months. Is that too early? No, it's not too early. If you are somebody who knows what they want, there is no right time for a proposal. I mean, if the person's known you for one day and they proposed, it shows me that they probably didn't really think about their decision. But the reality is, after six months, if that person is determined to create some kind of life, also your age is dependent on that. If you guys want kids and you're 30, then six months is probably the time because as much as people say, let's get to know each other first and let's move in and let's see who likes to clean the dishes and all this stuff. Life likes to throw different pivots in your direction.

You cannot get to know a person enough to the point where you know that on your deathbed, you will know that person. People change. People shift. People's life experiences change them, in ways that you cannot even imagine. You might think you know that person. You have children together, that's a different person. You live together 10 years, that's a different person. So is six months enough to know that you will work with that person forever? It's not.

But is it enough to know that you will try? I think so. How to inspire masculine in your partner when you have more money than him? Very simple. Masculinity is about competence and confidence. And as a woman, you very much have the role to amplify that. And as much as that might annoy you and you might say, why do I have to amplify that? I like to think of it as you having the power. And I always like to have power in a situation.

By power, I mean influence, the ability to change a situation, the ability to shift something that is happening. So I would always go for a position of power over powerlessness. You are in a position of power to make your partner feel confident and competent just because you have the winning hand of money does not mean that your partner does not have the winning hand of other things. Is he stronger than you? Is he building the house you're living in? Is he taking care of everything with a huge level of competency that you could not do? Has he got everything covered in the house? Has every, all the drains cleaned and everything done? You need to start to amplify him in the ways that he is working. You might have more money, but does he work way longer hours to provide for you? You need to give him

that role of somebody who is confident and confident and a provider despite you having more money because you notice it, you see it, and that is the key to foundations of any good long-term relationship is that you amplify each other. Think about it. When you go to a restaurant, you tip the waiter. Why do you tip the waiter? It's not because, of course, in America you have to, but in other countries, you don't even have to, but you want to tip them to say thank you, that reciprocal relationship. Why are you thanking them? That person is hired and employed to work there. But still, we want to give something nice back for someone doing something, anything for us.

So whatever you see him do, tip him verbally, speak light into him, and that will amplify his masculinity. Best tips for moving past a situation ship. My best tip for moving past a situation ship is to understand the fundamental nature of life and that is not everything you want is meant to be for you. And some things that aren't meant to be for you are meant to. to miss you and some things that are waiting for you in the wings around the corner cannot come to you because you are stuck on something. That is the fundamental laws of life. So let go of the thing that does not want you. Why would you want something that does not want you? And let the thing that is

meant for you come in your life. There should be no interest from you towards the things that do not want you back there. Not an energetic match. Stop chasing something that is not for you. It is not in your reality, you should not even be in your reality. And that is that. Book recommendations for feminine energy. Look, I have an Amazon list and it's always in my links. Everywhere you go, it's in my links. But I will tell you that I am working on one and it should be out next year. And I hope that it's the thing that I can recommend. Because to be honest, what I talk about, I obviously have read about, but it's not from one direct source. So I want to create that source for you. No marriage proposal after seven years.

I don't know how long your lifeline is. Mine is not up to my elbow. I have a finite amount of time. As a woman, we are taught that, on one hand, don't pressure me into a relationship and don't pressure me into marriage. Because, you know, it should just go with the flow. But on the other hand, we are taught by men that our beauty is held in our youth. and by biology we're told that we cannot have kids into our 50s.

So let's try and balance those things out. So you're telling me I'm more valuable when I am young because that's the currency of our world. I, by the way, do not believe this. So this is not me saying this. This is how men value beauty as youth, right? And then you're telling me that you want me to waste my youth and beauty

waiting for you to make up your mind. You, sir, who can have kids into your children? your 70s. So me with my finite asset, with my non-returning, non-appreciating asset, I can make moves right now in my life. And so I should because I want children in a certain future, but you're going to make me wait seven plus years for you to make up your mind. Now riddle me this. If I am not good enough for you to make up your mind in the seven years, what is going to make me good enough when I turn 40? What is my wisdom going to attract you to finally making me your wife? And then we're going to have some kind of infertility journey. And now that's not exclusive to

age, but it definitely affects it. And I'm not going to be around the bush. So tell me why, tell me why I should wait for you to make up your mind and waste my potential fertility, my potential other mates that I could find and be with. Because Gary around the corner, could be ready to marry me tomorrow. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe in six months. He could be sure, but you're not sure for seven years. So my love, what I would say to you is don't let people sell you something that isn't the truth. You need more time.

You can have more time to decide whether you want to marry me away from me. And if you decide in six months and I'm still single, then I'll consider your proposal. But if you decide in 10 years, that's 17 years from when we're, first started, maybe I would have had time to have my children and a family by then. And maybe we can, you know, date when we're old age pensioners. But I cannot, and my love, I implore you not to put your life on hold for people. Do not put your life on hold for anybody. You were given this life.

So if he can't make up his mind, he can make it up elsewhere. And that doesn't mean us the end of the relationship. That just means he needs to make it up not while sitting. on the seat because the seat cannot be reserved. Book the seat or get off the seat? Buy the car or get out of the car dealership? It's you who sets your value, darling, and seven years is long enough. I don't care what he's going through.

Seven years is long enough. Next question is my husband is a stonewaller. We love a stonewaller. How do I approach this? The reality of any mechanism of manipulation of a situation, so somebody acting. in a certain way to manipulate the situation. They stonewall you, you come towards them.

They stonewall you, they get the power back. All of it is because in the past, it's worked. It might have not worked with you, but it's worked in their childhood or it's worked at some point. The mature thing to do if someone stonewows you is to have a conversation about it and say, listen, I don't like it, it upsets me and it's not on. The way to stop it, and I believe this would stop it,

is to stop it having the effect that they're intending. So if they want to get rid of you by stonewalling, then don't let that happen. If you're trying to have a conversation that is important, say that the conversation is important and the stonewalling's not going to work. If they're stonewalling you because it punishes you and then you start feeling guilty, drop the guilt. You need to understand what result they are getting from you by doing the stonewalling and to stop it. you need to come out of being so attached to them and so close to them and think, what if a colleague did this to me? What if my friend did this to me?

And the reality is, if a friend did that to you, you would say, Jessica, that's not on. I'm not going to respond to that kind of behavior. If you want to be my friend and you're going to stonewall me, it's not going to happen. It's not going to fly. And if you do it again, me and you, we're not going to be friends because I don't buy into manipulation. But we're scared to say that to a man because we might lose him. God forbid he might get hurt. But if he's going to use that technique, it's not to be used on you.

It needs to not work for it to stop. Personally, I wouldn't be so harsh because sometimes it's just their coping mechanism. It's just their coping strategy. For me, in the past, when I've been stonewalled, I simply come up to that person and I say, when you do that, it makes me very sad. Without blaming, without pointing fingers, I simply say, if you want to carry on like that in this relationship over time, you will push me away.

And I don't know how long I can be with a person who does that. Simple as that. No blaming. I know you're doing your best, but that's just my reality. It's about communication and the situation. Anyway, guys, let me know. If you've enjoyed a question-style podcast, let me know if you would like to call in and ask questions directly.

I love talking to you and I want to come more close to the experience of actually being able to talk about these things together. Love you lots like jelly tots and I'll see you on the next one. Bye.