BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 100: Master Detachment & Watch Everything Chase You.

Episode Date: February 16, 2025

Are you tired of overgiving, overthinking, and feeling like you’re always the one chasing in relationships, friendships, and even your goals? The secret to effortless attraction—whether in love, success, or self-worth—is detachment.Detachment isn’t about being cold or unavailable—it’s about becoming so secure in yourself that you no longer grasp for attention, love, or validation. And when you stop chasing, the right people and opportunities start chasing you.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I don't know if this is even going to work. The battery on the camera is dying. I am outside. My kids are upstairs with someone who's looking after them. Beautiful, beautiful human. And I am here to talk about master detachment. And everything will chase you as opposed to you chasing it. So I have the cup of coffee.

I have the conversation ready. We don't care about the sound. We don't care about the quality. We care about the message. The message is the important thing today, ladies and gentlemen. Because I know, I know that this is something that is keeping you stuck. I know that this is something you need to work on. That is my cup of coffee, okay?

Listen to that. We're going to get into it. There's going to be 10 to 13 points, okay? There's going to be 10 to 13 points for you to master detachment. Detachment is the key, my friend, to life and to your progress. I changed from an anxiously attached person to one who is secure and fabulous. I'm joking. It's not all about being secure and fabulous. I sometimes have moments, but they're very rare and far between. Sometimes I want to even know if I'm human. Like, why don't I care? Why don't I care about the results of things?

Because I have tapped in to what it means, what life is about. I am. Buddha in this bitch. No, I'm joking. I'm not. I have moments of complete stress and anxiety and everything. I'm a human being. But as a girly who was previously anxious, I can walk you through it hand-holdingly and help you. Okay, number one, the illusion of control is the problem. The illusion of control while clinging actually pushes things away. Understand, when you feel you've got control over something, you've got the illusion of control. The feeling of control. does not actually mean you've got control of something. The feeling of you checking his phone does not mean that he is faithful to you.

The feeling that you check with him every time, what are you up to, what are you doing? How are you coming home soon? Does not mean that he is not with somebody else. Or thinking of someone else, you cannot control someone's mind. When you ask me, should I let him watch pornography? And I say, you know what? What do you mean let? He's his own person.

The feeling of control, the feeling of I let him and then. therefore I have control. Hence the viral book by Mel Robbins, let them, let them. It is the essence and the feeling of the fact that you're letting someone do something where you are in the position of power that makes that message so powerful. But in this essence, we are understanding that it's just an illusion. That's why her theme and her whole idea is so clever because it gives people like, you and me, the feeling of control.

When in reality you don't have any, you don't have any, you don't have any, control over anybody, but who? Who? Jessica in the back? Your damn self. That's right. People chase what they think they need, but desperation repels. Okay. So to understand the illusion of control and clinging to things pushes people away is the number one rule of detachment. If you try and understand that if you're somebody who's anxiously attached, you will have had a few methodologies that you use, constant contact, constant asking if somebody's okay, constantly gazing into their eyes, evaluating, like Terminator 2, do-s-do-ch-ch-ch-d-ch-d-ch-d-d-d- their emotions and how they must feel. If you have that feeling around people, then

understand you're probably repelling them and not attracting them, because nobody needs that in their life. If somebody did that to you, you would not enjoy it. No, you wouldn't. No, you wouldn't, Samantha. The energy shift is attraction happens when you surrender and don't force. It's a very beautiful thing to watch someone who is surrendered to their experience. You want to cheat on me? Go ahead. You don't want to contact me? Go ahead. You don't like to talk to me? Go ahead. The only thing you will face is not my control, but the circumstances of your actions. That's right. The circumstances of your actions. What does that mean? If you go about not contacting me cheating, never coming home, these are the things that people worry about, right? When they're

actually attached abandonment essentially. Then in turn you will face the consequences of losing me. She said as she pushed her car chair backwards. Okay. Example. Why the moment you stopped caring about a text, they suddenly text, people are energetic beings, babe. People are energetic beings. Put your name down in the comments so I can choose a different name other than Jessica because Jessica, she's just coming up. Okay, she just comes up at the forefront of my mind. number two feminine energy and receiving

versus chasing detachment isn't indifference that's what you don't understand that's what you don't understand that's what you always confuse right it's not indifference it's not caring it's not caring about life it is detaching from the end result it's trusting that whatever is meant for you

will flow to you hence if you are in tune with your feminine energy with the earth with what it means to be a woman you will understand that what is meant for you will find you and you will live in a place of self-betterment, self-development, and the procurement of the betterment of yourself. Anyway, masculine energy chases and feminine energy magnetizes. You see, you think it's passive to be in feminine energy.

It is not. You are magnetic by the essence of self-creation. You are building yourself, like I am building my booty at the moment. And I'm not building it for aesthetics, okay, Rhonda. I'm not building it for aesthetics. I'm building it for function. This is going to be one functioning butt, okay? because I am creating the life that I am creating.

I know that I am a creator. I've created two children. You have the feminine energy, the power to create. Please do not confuse yourself. Okay? The paradox is when you chase, you step into your masculine energy

making people pull away because masculine energy, it pushes forward. And if you want a masculine man and you're masculine and he's masculine and you're like, masculine in the middle chasing each other, women often talk about,

Oh, men just aren't men anymore. They don't chase us anymore. How can he chase you if you're in his face? You're in his George Foreman. You're in his face. How can he even, you know, chase you? There's nothing to chase. There is nothing to acquire.

You are no longer a prize, okay? Number three. Detachment in love. Don't just stop over-investing in people who don't show up for you. Okay? Number three. stop over investing in people who don't show up for you. And in fact, investing in people in general overall

until they're a family member of yours. That's the rule. We're not investing in randoms anymore. No, we're not doing it. This is not a charity. You're not a pooper-scooper. You don't scoop up random litter. No.

The person who cares less holds the power. Okay? Not in a minute piece of way. Just is the case. The person who holds less has the bigger leverage. That's why I say date people who really are invested in you. And I know you're like, I want to fancy the guy I'm with. You can fancy him, okay? Okay, Letitia, you can fancy him.

But you need to understand that if you want someone to invest in you and chase you, you need to be a little bit detached from the process. You need to have a cool head and look at them for their merits, not because they're six foot, okay? That's silly. If someone isn't meeting your energy, stop filling in the gaps. The best and most powerful thing I can tell you about detachment is you don't fill in the gaps. silence, vacuums, vacuums like to be filled. So when you, universal law, stop talking and stop filling in all the gaps. When you ask him a question, stop and listen. You want to get to know him as opposed to filling in all the gaps of time, energy and space. If you're always making plans,

you never make plans. Oh, but I'm afraid he'll never make plans if I don't make plans. Well, tough. Live in fear, okay? Emotionally unavailable people sense when you let go and they step in and it's not as toxic as it sounds okay emotionally unavailable people are not available because they didn't have people who showed up for them in their life they are used to people being very demanding and needy of their energy they expect you to be very demanding and needy of the energy which you are okay okay you're very needing and demanding of their energy because you require a lot of cajoling effort time energy and you set up traps you set up traps by not exactly expressing what you want, waiting for them to see if they do the thing that you want.

Will he plan something for my birthday? Is he going to do something for Valentine's Day? And you say nothing, you say nothing. You try and be the good girl, as opposed to a happy girl. A happy girl would do what? Tell him, I want this, this, this for Valentine's Day. This is my expectation. I would love that. Thank you. Kisses, Princess, treatment. But you, you set up traps because no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not for me. I'm very, very low needs of a person. person like a lydia okay okay okay but actually you're setting up traps because you're creating a toxic environment where that person can't fulfill your needs number four the psychological trigger why scarcity increases value the art of detachment people value what is scarce when you detach you

become the prize when you are less desperate like any shop out there right uh it's hard to get a book and it's hard to get into Hermes scarcity. That is basic human psychology, but I don't want you to fake scarcity. I want you to fill your life with so much abundance and so much stuff. My husband can't get a date with me, babe. Do you understand? My husband cannot get a date with me. Book it. Okay? I'm joking, but honestly book it. Like he's trying to call me right now. Can you not call me, please? You screwing up my notes. The luxury mindset is you don't beg for attention, you magnetize attention. Notice how Bentley and Ferrari don't advertise on TV. Have you noticed they don't advertise? Yeah, because they don't need your attention. The difference between a

pick-me girl who's like, I can do this, I can do that, I can do everything. And someone who knows her worth is somebody who's not allowed about it. They don't advertise about it. They don't talk about it. They have a scarcity attitude. They don't try and sell. Okay? Don't try and sell yourself. Number five, the energy signature of an effortlessly, effortlessly, effortlessly speak English, magnetic woman. She's emotionally independent. Her mood isn't dictated by others. No, no, no. Why are you dying, battery? Why are you dying? Her mood is not affected by others. She is emotionally independent. She is self-focused, not in a selfish way, and she has self-respect. She has mystique. because she doesn't have to regurgitate and say everything, everything all the time.

She's not always available to everybody, okay? She's got a signature of independence around her. She's not reliant on the opinions of people. If you find yourself asking people what they think all the time, what you should do all the time, what you should post all the time, what you should wear all the time, you are not practicing the art of detachment. Stop asking people's opinions. Stop it, okay?

Stop asking people's opinions and just do what you know. start to connect to your feminine energy and your solar plexes. Start to connect. If this dies and you hear a shift in sound, that's because I'm, I don't know, I'll probably just charge the camera anyway. Number six, the reverse effort law. The more you try, the more you repel. Obsession over him and anything in life, jobs, everything, even how I built my career. I was so obsessed on becoming an actor, being the best actor, going to auditions, appearing the best, I don't care how I appear. I'm sitting here without makeup now and I don't care and it's the most successful I have been in my life. Obsession and total, like, maddening obsession kills the attraction. Letting go is a mindset shift that you are not

the hunter, you are the prize. Be that prey animal. Be that little deer. Stop trying to hunt for everything. Doing less and pulling back is the key essence of feminine energy and detachment. Okay, number seven, leave more silence. Hear that? Silence is powerful. It makes people wonder. Don't fill in gaps. You don't always have to explain yourself. Don't complain, don't explain. I've told you that before. You don't always have to, oh, I did that, oh, thank you so much for doing that for me. Oh, no, no, it's okay. You don't always have to explain yourself. Ha! Just laugh things off. Oh, are you, are you just dating me or what are we?

That's funny. The attachment is letting people draw their own conclusions about what you did. The woman who lets a man think they're winning her over rather than proving herself all the time. I've said this time and time again, do you want to be right or do you want to win? Because if you can make him, if you can detach from your need because we grow up in a certain society

where we're like, I can do it too as good as a man. I don't want to do it as good as a man. I want him to do it for me and I want to do my own thing better than him anyway, right? We have different superpowers. Ours are more powerful. We create life. They just kind of mildly, you know, do a few things.

but the point is you don't have to prove yourself to know man specifically okay don't always try and explain yourself it's the most low energy low move that you can do no i was just this no because i was thinking no stop stop explaining yourself number eight the secret of a high value woman who knows attachment is being okay with losing people and i mean that in a walking away from people I don't mean that in a grieving sense. Detachment means I will not shrink myself to keep anyone around. The way to keep a man interested in you forever and ever and ever, amen, is to, for him to know, for him to know, because women change for relationships.

My amazing friend in my head, he's my friend, he's actually my friend, Adam Lane Smith, detachment expert and psychologist, psychiatrist. What is he? Anyway, he, check him out, he's amazing. He said that a woman changes for relationships, which is so true because we're so relationship-oriented, and a man changes because of circumstances. If you're still around, he's not going to change. But you can't always leave him in order to make him change, okay?

That doesn't work. But if he can see that your ass is detached, that you're not there for any result, and you're not leaching onto anything from him, he will worship the ground you walk on. If someone leaving your life will destroy you emotionally, financially in any kind of way, you're too attached. And we often talk about finances in today's society. We often talk about, oh, I've got my own finances. I don't care.

He knows I can leave at any point. But you're completely emotionally, completely, completely entangled in him. How about you use his finances because you've had two of his children. So use those, that's fine. Have your own job as well. That's cool. But you're emotionally detached. Now that makes you a power player on a level that men have not seen or heard of

in a very, very long time. Write down who you are without the attachment of anybody. Write the merits you have and your identity and your independence in a journal. Use my journal down there. Use anything. But write it down. Number nine, the energy audit. Where are you holding on too tightly?

What needs to be let go of like the dove whose rib cage you are crushing? Indating, are you hoping for attention and being the focus and constant mental? messages from somebody in friendships are you the overgiver the person who's always proving loyalty always the one texting back always doing doing doing in the career are you chasing for a result instead of focusing on the mastery of your skill oh my god Jenny the mastering of your skill I think I had a breakthrough with my career when I stopped trying to please people and audition like like audition like an actor and when I went and I said, what am I passionate about?

That's self-development and women. And I did a diploma in life coaching. And I started just saying what I want to because I started wanting to master NLP and branding and conversations with women. That's when it happened for me. Number 10. Whatever happens happens mentality.

People who succeed effortlessly don't grip hard onto outcomes. The truth, if you don't let go, you stay stuck in an attachment-based, because you don't understand that maybe there's something that's better out there for you. You fixated on this thing, but you need to understand that something out there could be better for you. Let go.

This is the challenge. One week of total detachment, okay? No initiating text for one week. No checking if they've watched your stories. Detox. No asking anybody if they're okay. Don't ask him what he's thinking, women in relationships, okay? Do not ask if they're okay, what they're thinking, what are they doing, what should you do, when are you seeing them next?

No. No internal spirals over things. As soon as you start to internally spiral and think about what they're doing, what are they thinking, your punishment is self-bederment. You better be doing a face mask while you're doing it. You better be brushing your teeth. You better be putting some oil in your hair. You better be working out your ass like me, okay? Number three, no forcing.

If something feels difficult, let it go. And like, say, planning a date with him is difficult, let it go. And I don't mean let it go like, yeah, sorry, planning is a bit difficult with you. So next time you're going to want to plan it, you're going to have to... No, none of that, none of that, none of that, just stop. Journaling prompt, who am I when I don't need external validation? Who am I? The entirety of me, the universe that is me, we are all made of stars.

Who am I when I don't need external validation? Who cares what they think of you? Who cares? are they paying your bills even if they are let them you know guys i'm gonna go upstairs for you my children dinner put them to bed love you lots like jelly tots and i'll see you on the next one bye