BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 103: Placeholder to Prize: How to Stop Being an Option & Become His Obsession.

Episode Date: March 9, 2025

.Tired of feeling like an option instead of a priority in your relationship? In this episode, we’re diving into the mindset shifts and actions that transform you from a placeholder to the prize. Learn why men keep some women as “options” while obsessing over others—and how to step into your power, set boundaries, and embody the energy that makes you irresistible.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

She has had a day. She's been up since 4 a.m., but she is here to tell you that you are the prize. Stop trying to convince him! That's your problem. This is what you're doing wrong, Ronda, okay? This is what you're doing wrong, Elizabeth. You are the prize. Stop trying to convince him to choose you. This episode is important. You've got to take your power back, baby girl. You've got to take it back. The whole conundrum of what is going wrong with your life and with women's lives is men have convinced us. Stop humming, car. Men have convinced us on a global scale that we are good for, I don't know, cooking, cleaning and babies. Your goddess status, okay?

And now with the post-feminist movement, they've convinced us that we're also good at paying 50-50, okay? Don't beg, don't chase, stop giving your power away. you need to stop convincing men to be with you, this whole notion of like, how do I know if he wants to take me seriously? How do I know if he wants to be with me long term? How do I know? How do I know? How do you know? Because you are the prize, babe. Like you are literally a God giving, a life-giving creature. Like you can, being married to you and being with you long term is the prize. You are the prize. Once you get that through your head, through your beautiful thick skull, you will understand. what life is all about. I am going to break down. Number one, what it means to be the prize. Number two,

how to know you are not the prize and that you're a placeholder and that you're wasting your time on him. And number three, I'm going to tell you how that looks like in a long-term relationship and how to change it if you're not that, okay? We're going to go through all of it, getting my notes out for you because I don't come unprepared. Signs you are not the prize. Number one, you chase more than you are chased. Relationship, not relationship. You can open your text message app, whichever one you use, and you see you're the one trying to consolidate plans. You're the one trying to finalize things. You're the one if he says, oh, I'm now busy on Tuesday. You're like, how about Wednesday? You're the one trying to close the deal. If there's two of you and one of you, you're the one

selling the relationship. You're the one constantly asking how it's going to look like in a few years. You're the one asking, what are we? You're the one asking where is this going to go? You're the one asking where is this going to go? Which restaurant are we going to go to? You're the one thinking of cute ideas and plans. You're the one who's doing elaborate things for his birthday. You're the one, babe, whenever you have an argument and he's doing the silent treatment, you're the one to talk first, to explain first, you don't, you're over complaining, you're over explaining, you're nagging him, you're telling him, oh my God, I see this for you. You're going to do all these amazing things. Stop. Number two, you tolerate bare minimum effort. Oh my God, he brought you

strawberries at the shop because you asked him to seven times, okay? Oh my God, he paid for your glass of wine at the bar. Big freaking whoop. I don't care, Elizabeth. I don't care, Katrina. I don't care. It's bare minimum effort. He should be in reverence at your present. And you know what? Like men constantly talk on social media about, oh, but why should I? I'm also surprised, but you're not, babe. But you're not. You're happier with the woman who you feel is a prize for you. That's the irony of it. Women are happier. in the role of being pursued, hence the whole women process, it's a biological standard. He's chasing you and trying to prove himself to you because you are about to take, biologically speaking,

a massive risk by sleeping with him and potentially having his children. I know that you're on the pill, but your body doesn't know that. Your body thinks that by being with this man who's trying to convince you to sleep with him, you're possibly going to be pregnant and having children, which is a huge danger to you, okay? just in terms of like economically, socially, physically dangerous, okay? It's great having children. I have to recommend it highly. But before the man is right, it's a huge task.

Hence why those birds, they dance and they build nests and all animals try and woo the female? Because damn it. Okay? Rachel, damn it. It's because he's trying to woo you. But you've started to take the contraceptive pill and you flipped the whole script on its head. And now he's got nothing to prove. And do you know what? He feels repulsed. I'm not going to lie to you. He feels repulsed by you putting in the effort that he should be putting in because what a man wants is to feel like he's winning the prize. And what you want is to feel like the one pursued and he wants to be the one pursuing you. It makes him feel accomplished and it makes you feel desirable. But when you flip it on its head and you tolerate the bare minimum and if you are in the camp of those women who are like, yeah, I don't like anything on my birthday anyway. I don't like anything on Valentine's Day anyway. There is only two varietals of that type of person. Number one,

who wants to be an individual, you know, the Aquarius energy type, who's like, I don't care about, you know, public holidays. Cool. If that's you, go for gold. That's cool. I appreciate that. And number two is because you've been given the pooper-scooper treatment, the bare minimum shit at the bottom of the barrel, and you're so used to it now that that is all you will settle for. What, stop shining in my face, son? That is all you will settle for. And you've got to make yourself feel better about it, okay? Frankly speaking, I've been there, babe. I've been there. Us anxiously attached girlies, that's where we are. Number three, you over-explain and over-prove yourself. If he's like, oh, I don't really like that green dress you're wearing, and you're like,

oh my God, but I thought you liked the color green last time we spoke about it. You said you liked the color green. In fact, you said it was the color of the jersey you wore in high school, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Do you know how you know, but this is a segment that we're going to go in at the end, how you know that you are the prize, is when he says something like that, it doesn't even register to you. It doesn't register to you. You know, you fully know how that is. Like, when you don't feel like you've got to prove where you went, how you did, what you did, why you didn't, how you didn't. Okay. Number four, you fear that if you walk away, you will lose him.

If you fear that if you set a standard, if you set a standard like, listen, I don't like being with guys who go out three nights a week and don't call me. I don't like that. That's not for me. You feel that you will lose him and you're willing to compromise your sanity, your well-being, your body. And I mean, in serious ways, like maybe he's sleeping around and you're willing to compromise. it and get, I don't know what kind of STD, yeah? And you feel walking away will mean losing him, like he's the last man on earth, last man on earth. You know that ick you get? Like after you haven't been with that guy that you liked that looked like a rat, like a mole rat from the streets,

from the gutter streets. And then you actually see him in the periphery of like how he actually looks and you're like, oh my God, you really got to understand as a woman with a pinch of salt that you will fall in love with the dirtiest gut rat in the world because that's just how we're programmed. As soon as we choose someone, we're like, yes, that's. him and we elevate them on the pedestal. You've got to do everything in your possible power to not elevate him. And when I talk about these videos, men don't like it because they're like, yeah, but he is this, that, da, da, da, da, da, da. The more you put him through challenges, the better it will be for him. You know why? Because men don't like to be worshipped in that way. We already worship them

too much, okay? Number five, sign that you are not the prizes. You prioritize him over yourself. He wants to eat Chinese. You want to eat Indian. You end up eating Chinese. You're on a health kick but he ordered pizza, you eat the pizza. You put on weight because he doesn't care about how he looks or you start going in the gym because all he cares about is the gym. You are prioritizing him over yourself. You lose your life energy. You lose how you look. You stop looking right. You can see by a woman when she's with a man and she's not the prize that she starts to look uglier than she used to. Facts, straight facts. She starts looking uglier than she used to. I know sometimes you're in a happy bubble and you gain weight because you just eat trash, but you still look good because the man loves you,

When you are not the prize, you start to depreciate in your looks, okay? Segment number two. Steps to shift into prize energy, we've discovered if you are not the prize, okay? We've discovered my manager's calling me. We cannot talk right now, Kat. Number one, reverse the dynamic. Stop giving him too much. And I know it's scary, baby.

I know it's scary. You're like, but if I stop giving, this is what you're saying? I know I can hear. If I stop giving, he won't try. if I stopped doing this, he won't do it. Well, okay, I know that's scary, but how do you feel being the donkey carrying the whole relationship on your back? How do you feel being the donkey carrying the whole relationship on your back? Like, it's not cute. It doesn't make him like you more. And even if he is a securely attached man and he really, really loves you and really wants to be with you, you will at least find out if you reverse the dynamic. Stop giving too much. Stop texting all the time. Stop replying 100 times more. stop making sure that he got home okay. Why are you making sure he got home okay? Goodness. And if you're married, we're going to the wify ones at the end, okay, because I know you ask me what if I'm already with him? I've been married 10 years, I can tell you.

Stop checking that he ate. Stop checking that he peed. Stop checking how his tummy is. You are babying him and you're making him feel emasculated. Stop it. Number two. Raise the standards and mean it. Say it once. Don't say it 100 times. He goes out to the bar three nights a week. I don't like it when you go out to the bar three nights a week. Why? Because for me, that's not who I envisioned my life with. That's not the type of lifestyle want. By all means, keep doing it. But whether I'm going to be with you at the end of a couple of months, I don't know. I'm not going to tell you again, but you just haven't known that you're being evaluated. Sir, don't overspeak. Don't over-complain. A boundary is somewhere you don't let access into. It's not how you force someone to act.

I have a community on my website. I'll put it in the links below House of Her, where we talk about it. And women often misconstrue where, oh, he's done this and done that. And he's decided to, I don't know, listen to his mom over listening to me. I set a boundary. I've told him not to. No, no, no, no, no. A boundary is not you telling someone what to do. A boundary is you saying whether you're going to be with that person or not. That's a boundary. Okay. You cannot control other people, my anxiously attached swan. You cannot, my beautiful child. My sweet summer child. Number three, develop and I'll be fine. without him mindset. Now, we are very independent these days, aren't we ladies, when it comes to finances work and everything like that, aren't we? Now, we're completely independent when it comes to completely looking after ourselves. We don't need anybody, no, no, but we're completely codependent when it comes to our mind. We've let them, we've let them, you know, be free in terms of, you know, supporting us, looking after us emotionally. Emotionally, they're free financially. They're free in every way. But we're completely reliant on them in our mind, like whether he likes us, what he

thinks of us, how he relates to us, you'll be fine without him. That is all you need to know. The reason you don't need to check his phone, the reason you don't need to ask him a million questions whether what and how and how he feels about you is at the end of the day you need to cultivate an attitude and he needs to see it and perceive it and know it. Don't tell him, I'll be fine without you. But he needs to feel it in his core that you will be fine. you will be fine and how to let him know that by how you look and how you proceed in life but we'll we'll talk about that more number four create a life that he wants to be a part of this is how you create and i'll be fine without him attitude number one you need to look the best

that is possible for you to look best for you possible yeah doesn't mean he'll the makeup all the time just be taking care of yourself okay like you are a Ferrari like you are a Birken men understand a prize when they see one and cultivate a life that he will want to be a part of. The mistake we won't make is we put all our energy into him, living his life, seeing his mom, looking after his cousin, walking his dog, and then you don't have a life. Like, I wish I could show you a mirror of how you look when you're in love with a man, yeah?

You put everything into him. He becomes the prize. He's unhappy because that's not his natural placement because he's a masculine man and he doesn't want to be the Fufu Princess on the pillow. You want to be the Fufu Princess, but you're treating him like one because that's how you want to be treated and we treat people how we want to be treated. He's treating you how he wants to be treated.

He's putting himself first. Put yourself first. Let the man live. Number five, walk away when you're not treated like a priority. That is, mm-hmm. If you're not the priority, and I mean that in a situational way, if he wants to see you on Tuesday, but then he's postponed to Wednesday and then he's not confirmed it, just walk away from that situation.

I don't mean you need to be calling him like, I'm jumping you, that's it, I'm blocking. You just walk away from the situation. The situation doesn't need your energy, your effort, your time, nothing. Just walk away. Segment three, signs you are now the prize. You are chosen without convincing. You don't have to convince him. He chooses you.

He sees you weekly. You know that. You see that. You are a choice. Even for men who are avoidant, even for men who have lower needs in terms of how much he sees you, he sees you consistently. Consistency is the key.

Out of me and my husband, I used to be more like I needed more time. Now I don't because I've got kids in too much work. but back in the day I needed more quality time. But I saw that he was consistent. He needs less time. So the time I need is like a pint glass. The time he needs is like a shot glass. People are different. We're different breeds of dogs. Let's put it that way, right? And so one is faster. One is slower. One needs more. One needs less. Okay. But I saw that it's consistent every week. That's what we're looking for. Consistency that he wants you in the capacity that he wants you in his life. Number two, you expect and you receive high effort.

You expect it and you receive it. That's the sign you are now the prize. Number three, you feel secure and unbothered. That feeling of being unbothered, where even if they do something odd, you're not like, oh my God, he's leaving me, he's cheating. You are not highly anxious. You're not like frazzled in anxiety and unhappiness. Number four, you can walk away from a conversation with confidence. You're not worried he's going to call his ex, text his ex, do all this stuff, okay?

And number five, you have options and you know it. And by that I don't mean men. I mean just options in life. You know who you are. You know what you're coming to the table, to the metaphoric, stupid table with, okay? Now, this next segment is for the long-term marriage relationship girlies. These are the signs, okay? Number one, this is how you know you're the prize. You haven't lost yourself in their relationship. You haven't molded together where your life and passions are exactly the same and you have energy outside being a wife and girlfriend. Stop identifying with cooking his meals, especially if you're a girlfriend. Please. Okay. If you neglect your own goals and your own

glow-ups and your own friendships, you're not the prize. He still puts in effort without you begging for it. If you had to beg for those flowers on Valentine's Day or for your birthday, it's, nullifies the point. The gesture of the flowers is that he was walking and he saw them and he loves you and he gave them to you, not the fact that you demanded them and showed them on. Instagram. Okay? It's not for the other women to see. It's for the genuine purpose of them, right? So in a long-term relationship, it's easy to fall into a routine and you've got to motivate him with your feminine energy. Now, let's not forget that you do have to motivate him with your feminine energy, but, and I've got videos on that on my YouTube if you want to see,

or you can go and look at my course as feminine energy and you are the prize polarity and become her. I've got four masterclasses. Go and look at them. How to motivate him to do that. pursues you, surprises you, appreciates you. And again, put that in the parameter of your impersonal man. Some men are not overly, like, celebratory and romantic. Some are by romantic, I don't mean like he ignores you, and that's fine. I mean like some are creative and some are not, and that's fine. You set boundaries and you get respect for them is number three. A woman who's the prize isn't afraid to speak her mind, set expectations and enforce boundaries and have them met. You are not panicking, okay? You know in your relationship that he knows, despite being

married, that you are a sovereign being and you are capable of walking away. If you're constantly letting things slide to keep the peace and you are living in a way that is suppressing your own natural feminine energy and you're unhappy, you are not the prize. Number four, you're valued for more than just what you give, okay? Some women function in relationship as cooking, cleaning, supporting his dreams and being the backup character. That's great, but I want you to be his muse, because that is where you'll be happy. While effort is great, if you're only based on that, I'm afraid that you will fall into a placeholder role. And men, and you see those men, they will often take a wife, quotes, that is good enough, but not his dream girl.

And that is one of the saddest situations that I see come up, because men know a good thing when they see it. It might not be his dream girl. His dream girl might look worse than the placeholder. His dream girl might not be as smart as the placeholder. You have to be astute and aware and not so romanticized in life. Do not choose the man who's just, who you're crazy. about, choose the man who's crazy about you. I told you time and time again, but you won't listen. Okay? Letitia, you won't listen. So listen. You need to do all the things in the household.

That's fine. That's fine. We all have households. That's great. That's gravy. But you need to, Amanda, understand that there needs to be a reverence for you. Like, he needs to see you as like a goddess. Number five, he's afraid to lose you and not the other way around. When you're the prize, a man knows he has something rare and valuable, like that car that he keeps polishing, like that thing. Like, you know what I mean? Like, you know when you're the prize that when you are like really fed up with what he's doing, he runs, you know? He respects you, puts an effort because he knows that there aren't any better options than you for him, that you are his best option. Please be with a man who you, who is sure about you. I told you this time and time again.

Whether you're dating or married, women who are the prize as opposed to being a placeholder, are in a happier situation. They have a calmer life. It's already hard enough trying to prove yourself in the world as a woman in many ways, right? Please have a man by your side who already knows your worth and values you. Be the price for him. Concentrate on your own life, on looking your best, on glowing up, creating a business, creating an amazing mindset and relax. Stop chasing people who do not want you. Detach from them. want more in detachment look on my YouTube I love you lots like Jerry thoughts I'll see you on the next one bye