BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 110: The Glow-Up Blueprint: How To Go From Anxious To Irresistible in 10 Steps

Episode Date: April 27, 2025

What if your glow-up had nothing to do with looks—and everything to do with energy?In this episode, I’m walking you through The Glow-Up Blueprint—10 powerful mindset and behavior shifts that transform anxious attachment into magnetic, grounded confidence. Whether you’re navigating a breakup, feeling overlooked, or just ready to stop spiraling and start rising, this is your step-by-step guide to becoming the most irresistible version of you.It’s not about proving your worth. It’s about remembering it.Let’s get into it.—Connect with me on Instagram: @margarita.nazarenkoExplore my courses + more: www.margaritanazarenko.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Good morning, baby love. Today we are talking about the glow-up blueprint, how to go from anxious to irresistible. I was a fellow anxiously attached girly. I was a felt like, listen, life was painful. When you're always putting your value and yourself soothing into somebody else's hands, it is painful. It is not fun. So these are the 10 steps to transform your energy, presence and power today. Where am I, by the way, I am outside a community center and I'm about to become what? Ladies and Germs? I'm about to become Australian. I am British. I'm Russian born, but I am British. That's how I grew up. And now I'm about to become an Aussie. So cheers to that. We love that. So my kids are occupied right now for a few hours and this is the time we have to teach you

how to transform your life. This is serious. I am, the more content I make, the more content I make, more I hone into what it is exactly that my message is. Life is painful for someone who has anxious attachment. There is secure attachment for 50% of us. That's a person who has internal self-validation. He can see when people are not kind to him and he can walk away. Us anxiously attached people or formally in my case, we put our self-worth into other people's hands if they reply, where do they go, feeling like we need to track them. But it is a self-fulfilling prophecy that if you, if you scratch that itch of checking their phone,

making sure they text you back to feel better about yourself and all those things, then it reinforces in your mind that you need that stimulus in order to feel good and that is not how you can live your life. So these are the 10 things I've curated. Number one, stop seeking closure from other people and give it to yourself. Me? I have been cheated on. I don't even remember what that feels like because it was quite a long time ago. But all I wanted to know at the time is why.

Am I not good enough? Am I not this? I remember that fact about it. Am I not that? Am I not that? Am I not this? Am I not that? Us anxiously attach people, we obsess over unfinished stories

because we're trying to close the loop of a story. We're trying to say, say somebody ignored us, didn't want us, didn't love us when we were growing up. We try and find people who emulate that same feeling. If your father wasn't around, for example, it doesn't have to be a big T trauma or some abusive story. But let's say your father didn't get very. give you attention and was it around, you will find people who emulate that feeling in you and you will try and close the loop. You will try and get interest from the guy who's super not interested. So the inside you can say, you see, I am good enough. I can get attention from the

uninterested guy, aka your father or Josh who doesn't give a shit about you, okay? We obsess over unfinished stories. We want to close loops. We want to understand we're not good enough. I see it myself in the past. I see it in you inside my DMs. Why did he? Why did he? Why did he? I don't know why he did he. I don't know. It's not about you. It's about him. Validate your own feelings instead of waiting for permission to move on. You need to change your perspective. Instead of why was I not good enough for him? Is he good enough for me? Whether that be your mother, father, colleague or a boyfriend, am I the type of person, it takes an identity change truly, am I the type of person who would even care what their reason was? It doesn't matter what their reason was that they

weren't around for you, didn't back you, weren't there, didn't reply, it doesn't matter. Instead of thinking, why didn't they choose me, think, I don't want to choose them, I don't want an unreliable person around me. Write a closure letter. This is the practice for step one, write a closure letter to yourself from the point of view of giving yourself permission to let go and move on. Don't send it to the person, but just write, it's okay. You weren't there, you cheated or you left or you did all these things, and now you are not good enough for me. You are now not good enough for me. I don't want you now, as opposed to the other way around. Number two, detach with compassion, not coldness. This is the biggest lesson that people fail.

to learn from what I talk about. Detachment isn't about shutting down and having some kind of neurological detachment from a person. It's about emotional sovereignty. It's about understanding that the river of emotions flows next to you and you don't have to jump in it and start drowning in it like a cat that can't swim and tumbling around. I know it's a really hard concept to understand if you don't understand it. That's the easiest way because if you don't understand that you are not your emotions. You are not your emotions. Your emotions as a human biological animal are there to serve you about what is good for you, what is not good for you. You should get away from this or you should come closer to this. Detachment is saying, I am not what I'm feeling. This is just the reality of what's happening,

but I don't have to feel it right now. Choose in a piece over reaction. You don't always have to, if somebody treats you in a way that you don't feel that you should be treated, you don't have to berate them. You don't have to attack them. You don't have to react. You can be your own peace. You can be your own best friend. You can be that friend that you need in that moment that's going to say, hey, it's not worth it. Leave it. Leave it, Jessica. Leave it, Amanda. Leave it, Rebecca. Just leave it. You can be that own person to yourself. Because at the end of the day, what you have to protect is your own sovereignty. What you have to protect is your own self-concept and self-image in your own mind. You have to almost say face to yourself. If you start drowning

in the river of emotions like the cat that you are. You cannot be the samurai of your feelings. You have to save face to your own self. You are not going to feel better when you write him paragraphs and paragraphs about how he hurt you. The practice for this, when you feel triggered, pause and breathe instead of spiraling. When you feel triggered, learn, learn that you do not have to react straight away. This is a practice that's very important. If you do feel like reacting to something, there's a stimulus, someone did something to you. Learn that you can wait and react to later as opposed to react and undo. You can't undo. You've done the reaction. You've reacted the reaction. So learn to pause. Silence and a pause is your superpower. Number three,

upgrade your standards, not your looks always. I know I talk about always upgrading your looks, okay, for a glow up. A true glow up starts with boundaries, okay, not bronzer and chisel. It starts with boundaries. Have you seen that drop dead gorgeous girl? She is gorgeous. She is amazing, but the guy she's with isn't interested in her. Because you can see from every pore of her that she emulates insecurity and people smell it like animals. It's like we see with her eyes that she's good looking, but she emulates this insecurity and this lack of sureness. And you're like, maybe she isn't all that. Maybe she isn't what I think she looks like.

Maybe she isn't giving what she's giving. Maybe something's being tricky here. Identify what you've been tolerating that doesn't allow. with your dream self. It's really hard. It's really hard to be like, wow, this is the type of person I want to be. And I've been putting up with so many things that don't align with that. It's much easier to go get some Botox, go put on some bronzer, go get a new lip gloss. What's your lip combo? What's your lip combo? Who cares what the lip combo is? What you should care is how that person presents in the world. You know that really free, self-accepting person? You just watch them and you're like,

how, that's what you need to be emulating. So the practice for rule number three is write down five new standards and hold yourself accountable to them. You are not going to waver on these standards. These are standards that you're not going to waver on. You need to start to self-identify. It's almost like when I've been able to be healthy and lose weight, I start to self-identify as a person who doesn't need to eat junk, right? For example, that's a big broad spectrum thing to say, right? If you start to self-identify with values that if somebody isn't interested in you, you're not interested in them. If somebody doesn't prioritize you, you automatically lose interest in them. That is the kind of thing. You need to write five of these down, five of these, okay?

Number four, rewire your nervous system for safety, not scanning. This one I'm still working on, but I'm getting there. Anxious attachment trains you to scan for rejection, and it's a self-fulfilling prophecy because we are somewhere in our youth got used to the fact that rejection is painful and we need to work at pleasing the person who we are with in order for them to stay with us. We now look for somebody to show the slight feeling of dislike towards us so we can quickly fix it. Begin noticing when you're safe, not just when you're threatened. Begin noticing times when you in your nervous system might even feel a little bit bored. us as anxiously attached people, we need to sit in that feeling of nervous system, safety,

try it like a 60 second daily grounding ritual, feet on the floor, hand on heart, deep breaths. I've got a tracker here to whoop. I've also got the O-Ring because I don't do anything by halves. I don't half-ass things. I use my whole ass, okay? And my HRV is very, very low because I'm always ready for a fight or an attack, okay? I'm ready to fight or flight, but I don't need to. to be. You need to find those moments of peace and know that you do not need to seek out areas when

someone is not interested in you and doesn't love you. Why? Because you needed to do that as a child, because that meant your life or death. As a child, you need someone to protect you and look after you. You no longer need that. You are now grown. You are your own safety. Nothing can hurt you. You are okay. Number five, embody your future self before she arrives. Confidence isn't always something you find out of thin air. It's something you decide to become. To decide is to cut off all other options and all other ways of being. I decide. That is how I became who I am. It might not be your ideal type of person, but that is how I became comfortable in my skin as I just decided to be an avatar of who I want to be. Choose the energy now, not later. Do not try and become her and then

be her. Choose to become her now. And if you don't know who that her is, do my become her course or my website, okay? Ask yourself each morning, how would the irresistible, comfortable, secure version of me act today? I am often in my fight or flight, like, protect myself mode. Even in the morning when I wake up with my kids and I'm just trying to scramble some eggs, I feel like I'm a frying pan on the inside of everything is just like jumping all over the place. I'm just like trying to like catch all these balls in the air. Have you ever played that game when the eggs keep dropping and you're like a little animal that's trying to catch them in a basket? That's what I feel. feel like and I need to remind myself like wait stop hammer time I chose these children they're

here with me they're here for me like we're having a great time everything is lovely jubly no one's attacking anybody calm down number six speak less and mean more mm anxious women over explain and trying to manage the perception other people have of them again anxious women and people try and over explain their intentions thoughts and actions to control the perception that other people have of them. I would say control and the reality of anxious attachment is one of the most toxic things that you can do in a relationship to a relationship. Magnetism lives in the calm and a clear expression and the allowance of someone to think of you what they will. You cannot manage and should not manage how somebody else sees you

before responding to somebody or trying to say, no, I did this because of this or this is where we I am or this is how I am, whether it be on social media to your friends or at your work, think, is this rooted in truth or fear? Am I trying to over-explain myself, lest somebody not like me? Or is this a question someone's asked me and I'm just trying to explain myself? Speak less, mean more, baby. Number seven, romanticize your own life. Don't wait for a relationship to do it. Don't wait for a man, Josh, Kane, or Able to come along and start to romanticize you and give you flowers and give you experiences. Men only do things they see women like in order to get with women. Men only do things that women like to get with women, so you need to show him what you like.

Attraction flows for someone who's already in love with their own life. People want to be a part of people's lives who are in love with their life. No one wants to pick up a heap of a mess of a human and try and make their life wonderful and fluffy, okay? Make your own day feel cinematic. Come out of the mundane. The type of guy. you want to be with, will only want to be with the girl who does have that life, who is not waiting for a man to come and rescue her. We're not Disney Princess, okay? Practice one ritual a day with yourself, march a candle, music, I don't care, yoga, whatever it is, babe, horse ride, knit, doesn't matter. Go shooting, archery. That just puts you in that main

character feeling for yourself without him doing it. Eight, learn the power of mystery. Not everything needs a caption, not everything needs explanation, not everything. By the way, if a guy is ghosting you, I've been waiting to say this, stop posting on bloody social media. Okay? I think it's called the Care Bear method or something on TikTok. I don't know, right? But the way to become the most mysterious and the most interesting you can is disappear. There is no naked photo, no sexy thing, no in the camera that is going to make him want you more than you being mysterious.

Oversharing dilutes your presence. Oversharing makes you boring. Mystery invites interest. Protect your inner world. Let silence, not stories, show up, okay? Build curiosity by not always having to speak, speak, speak, speak, speak. Don't be so boring. Trust me, their imagination is more interesting than you could ever be.

That's a harsh truth. Number nine, drop the fixer energy. Let him rise and fall without you. Let him fail without you. Let him live without you. let him do things without you. Anxious women try and rescue and fix and control because it makes us feel like we've got some kind of control in the world. Newsbreaker, okay?

You can't control other people. You are not safe. The world is going to be as it is the only person who you're safe with isn't yourself and your sovereignty. A woman in her power knows that being chosen doesn't require chasing a person and fixing their energy. You will not become, and listen here closely, irreplaceable by helping him and fixing him. You will become irreplaceable by being unique. If he's unclear, the answer is no. If he doesn't know, sure, if he's, bleh, if he's not sure, the answer is no.

Sit back and let his actions reveal the truth. Do not fill the gaps with yourself by trying to be there when he needs you and become irreplaceable. You know, it's not going to make him love you. And last but not least, a 10 turn. The obsession you have towards him and other people, into yourself. You will heal the world with that. Okay. You are the project. He is not the project. Everything you were trying to prove to him, prove to yourself. Everything you were trying to prove to him, prove to yourself. You want to prove your cool and amazing to him. Prove it to yourself.

Make yourself believe in yourself. That's how confidence is made. Make healing yourself and proving to yourself that you are the main character. You are that bitch. The aim. Focons consistency on one self-betterment area all the time. Watch yourself improve. Prove it to yourself. Forget him. Forget Josh, Jake and Abel. Forget them. We don't care about them. Prove it to yourself. You are the main character. You deserve that attention. You deserve it to be proven to. And when you do, girl, magic will happen. I've got to go and become Australian, but I'll see you on the next one. Love you lots. Like Jellitos. Bye.