BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 115: How to Get Over Someone Who Doesn’t Want You Back: A Step-by-Step Detachment Guide

Episode Date: June 1, 2025

How to Get Over Someone Who Doesn’t Want You Back: A Step-by-Step Detachment GuideSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

He doesn't want you back. He maybe never did want you. He's broken up with you or you've broken up with him or you've given him an ultimatum and he's not fulfilled it. He's just fine with it. He's fine with the fact that you've broken up with him. It's over. It's done.

But you are suffering. And we've been there. Or maybe he's cheated on you and you know you've got to let him go. or he's doing red flag behavior and you know you've got to let him go because you've seen all the content you've seen out there like let him go girl move on but in your heart you know that this person is for you you know beyond any shadow of a doubt that may be just another chance maybe just another way to look at this situation maybe if we just pivot it in another way maybe you will

see that actually he wants you what is the last thing that you can write to him and say what can you say to change his mind on how he sees you. You've done too much. You were erratic in the relationship. You demanded a lot. You thought that you would win and not win something, but win at the game of affection, I guess, and love. And maybe he was good to you, but you demanded so much and now he's gone cold and now he's focusing on his studies or work. And it's time to let go. maybe your husband was having an affair and it's time to detach it's time because in this life you must understand that when somebody doesn't want you or somebody's not for you it is protection it is not something that's being snatched away from you it is not to hurt you it's being taken

away from you because it was never meant for you you were meant for something better and bigger I was in a relationship in the past with somebody who, when I was in my teens, with somebody who was like my best friend, I spent my time with him all the time. Should have really been my friend, my best friend, but was a relationship, right? Because that's what happens with men and women.

And I'm the type of person because I maybe didn't get enough attention from my dad in my childhood or any, I put everything aside in order to be with this person. And you know what I did with my life? Nothing. baby girl nothing and so when I got into the relationship I am in now that's been 10 years in the beginning it was a fight and a struggle because I wanted so much time and attention with this

person and I thought he was the problem because the amount of time he wanted to spend was not the amount of time I wanted to spend and only in the detachment and the letting go have I found who I was truly meant to be and lo and behold he now wants to spend all this time with me and I'm like, can you get alive? Get away from me. Stop calling me. No, I'm joking. I kid, of course. I kid. We've got our life and kids together and everything, so it's different. But it's more so that the moment you let go and you detach of exactly the thing you're chasing is when you get the thing that you are craving. And sometimes the thing that you think you want is not what you need. Because what I needed is time to love myself and be with myself in order to meet myself again

and not try and hide in relationships like I did when I was a teenager. Like I would literally disappear into relationships like sugar and hot tea, gone. And by being with the person I'm with now and by realizing that I've got so much more to give the book I've written, the courses I've done, what I do here on this podcast, on YouTube, all of it, is for a purpose and would have never happened if I, in my stupid animal brain, was just running around after the idea of what I thought I wanted, which was closeness with somebody who perhaps didn't even want me, you know, which was my second relationship. Sometimes you miss the fantasy.

You miss the time you invested, not the person. So let me give you eight steps or so. As per usual, I've got it written down on my phone here. And we're going to go through them. Number one, you don't miss him, you miss the investment. This is the truest thing known to man. You miss the time, the memories, the effort that you put in because us as women, we really lean in.

We lean into the relationship. And for you to say the year that I invested, the time I took and then he's turned around or I've turned around or he's cheating or whatever it is that's ended the relationship is not freaking fair. Because I have invested so much in this. You miss the time. You can always make more money. You can always get more things. But you can't get your time back. And that hurts.

It's normal to want a return of your emotional investment. You gave up your life force, your time for this person, and you believed him. And it's not true. But continuing it, you need to reframe. Let that time go. Continuing the pursuit of this person who has shown you in no way that he is for you or wants you or likes you or anything is actually the wastage of more time and more life force. We have one go around this earth. I gave my love.

And that's a strength, not a loss. That's your mantra. I believed in someone. I gave them love. He cheated. He doesn't want me anymore. I'm not for him. He lost the spark, whatever it is that he's told you.

Go out, okay. I miss the energy that I gave him. Not him. I miss my time and investment. Not him. He is not the magic. The magic is the time you gave him. He is just some purpose.

like any other person walking down the street and goodness is where you water it right that's where the grass is greenest number two you saw the signs but you overrode them you're not crazy you knew but you wanted to believe the potential you wanted to believe the potential of somebody and that is a lesson for you for the future you saw all the signs you wanted to believe the potential he said he's not interested he said he just isn't ready for a relationship but somehow you got to a place where you're both comfortable self-forgiveness is the step of detachment. Instead of thinking, oh, he tricked me or he did this and that to me,

I hate old man. No. Blessings. Blessings to you. Let the dawnop hit you with a good lord split you. I am not on the wrong side of history. I loved you. I believed in us. What did I feel and what did I ignore and what would I tell my friend had I seen the situation? We need to learn from things. Number three, you're personalising their rejection. His inability to love you or not want you or not see your magic is not about you. It's about his inability to do so. You weren't too much. You weren't too little.

You weren't too not mysterious. You weren't too funny. You weren't too crazy. You weren't too much for him. There is no message you can write that will change that. There is no text message. I'm speaking to you because I see you in my DMs. What can I write to him to change this?

I did this, I did that, I acted crazy, what can I write? Nothing, nothing. You can just love yourself. Love yourself and love people in your life. The way he failed to love me says nothing about my capacity to love myself. More so the reason to love yourself. If somebody does not love you and cannot love you, is that not more the reason to love yourself?

If you were a small child that had no love in their life, wouldn't you therefore need all the love you could get as opposed to he abandoned you and now you abandon you? Number four, block mutant archive, protect your peace. He does not want to exist in your world. You do not want to look at the world that you guys created together. Your nervous system can't heal and is not designed to heal as a human being with constant reintroductions of this person into your ether

and into your energy and into your life. Let this season of your life just be about you and no contact, no punishment, no posting thirst traps, no posting mosquito. Get out of here. That's him. That's him. That's your ex coming to haunt me in my car when I'm trying to talk to you

with his vampiric nature. Don't try and punish him. Don't try and speed up healing. Don't try and go in a girl's trip. Don't try and take up some random hobby. Just stop. But don't be in his ether. Out of sight equals out of love for you right now.

It's out of limbo. You don't need to post things that are going to make him regret his choices. You know what I mean? this mosquito is going to like ruin life as as your ex is trying to do to you. Do you understand? Number five, let go of the final word. I know, babe. I know you want to be understood. I know you want to write the monologue. I know you want to write the soliloquy. I know you want to write the thing. I know you want to make him regret how he lost you and he will in due time and due course.

But the more you lean in and the more you chase that, the further away it's going to be. The moment you forget him on one sunny spring morning when you wake up, and you think about the eggs you're going to have for breakfast as opposed to him. That's the moment he'll miss you. Men feel energetic ties, human beings do. You want closure quickly, not naturally. It naturally happens with time. You cannot force closure.

You don't need to choose him in order for you to choose yourself. If you want to, write the message in your own diary, but never say it. Send it. Say it out loud, release it, burn it. do your witchy girl thing, but don't send it. Don't send it. One of you and my DMs wrote to me. I've wrote my boyfriend this.

The message was so long. It took her three Instagram DMs because it was so long to send to me. A third party perfect stranger. I could not read through it. And the heartbreaking message he wrote back to her was, sorry, message a bit too long to read. Hope you're well. Let go over the final word.

There is nothing that you are going to say that's going to make him regret losing you. as much as you moving on and glowing up and becoming the best version of yourself. Six, create emotional landmarks in your day. You are going to be dopamine deprived and you're going to be feeling a level of emptiness after the detachment process takes place. Anchor your days with coffee, music, ideas of what you want to achieve, work, coffee and the sun, movement, non-negotiables, candles.

Your affirmation needs to be, this. This is how I remember that I am home for myself. I am home. I am my safe space. I need to nurture myself in the inner child that feels so rejected right now. You need to have emotional landmarks to give yourself those dopamine highs outside of the person that rejected you. Number seven, channel the obsession into momentum. I don't care how you put it, but this is one of those times where you have the option to become the hottest, sexiest, coolest, brainiest, fastest.

You same bolt version of yourself that you've ever been. You're not broken. You've just got to fire up your ass right now. You're wired for attachment. It's natural that you missed that person, but it will go away. I know you don't remember your first ex that you're not over. And I know you're like, no, no, no, it was meant to be. This is the one.

If it's meant to be, then it will happen again. Sometimes in these rare cases, and I wouldn't usually say this, but I'll say it to you now. You can get that person back by truly becoming yourself and moving on with your life and then they see you from a different lens because sometimes anxious attachment is very overbearing for someone to witness. So if you have been overbearing and horrendous to be with on that person's soul, then there is nothing you can write or do to make them change how they feel,

but you can be more yourself. The energy that was once over-functioning for him is now poured into the next step of your life and development. That thing you've always wanted to do, you've got the life forced to do it now, because it's been barreling towards him and the relationship and what you want to do with him and how you're going to be and now it's got nowhere to go. It's like this waterfall that's got nowhere to gush towards and it should go towards everything you've wanted to create a manifest

because you, being a feminine energy creature, need to understand how much power that holds. If you want to understand it, 20 feminine energy principles is something that you find on my website and it will explain the power you have body, business, boundaries, the three Bs, start with those. Focus on your body. You like your body?

Great. Is it healthy? Great. Set some goals. Run a marathon. Business. Because when you can run a business, it really sets you free in a lot of ways. And boundaries.

Let's not get into this situation again, okay, baby cakes? Number eight, don't wait to feel better to start acting secure. Confidence isn't comfortable. from being like at the end goal it comes from showing up for yourself the development and the constant showing up no matter what for yourself again and again and again like somebody you trust like an old friend show up as the best version of yourself every day for yourself show up as your best friend you feel like shit you look like shit cool what would your best friend do but come on get up take your hair out of that bun do whatever you got to do what would you want to do what

Would that person that you want to be like, that main character, what would she be like? What would she do? What would she wear? What would she say no to? To be honest, she wouldn't be with your ex, would she? Number nine, learn how to sit in longing without acting on it. Part of the human experience is learning to suffer. I know I am sounding like a monk right now, but it is.

And trust me, missing this ex of yours is not, sadly, the worst suffering that you might experience. So it's sitting in the seasons, it's sitting in the highs, it's sitting in the lows, because if you never experience lows and this kind of like angst, then you would never experience passion and love either. You just wouldn't. You don't need to act on it. You don't need to go pursue them. You don't need to put a band-aid over your feelings.

You can feel them, walk straight through them, walk through them, be in them. Show up now as the person who can traverse hard things. master it, forge yourself into the iron that you potentially have. Text a friend. Do a walk. Feel the pain. You will be okay. I can feel this without breaking. You can feel this without breaking. Ten, become the woman he can't reach anymore. That is the best revenge. Become the woman he cannot get again. The point is not like, this mosquito. Christ Lord.

Tell your ex to get out of my car. The point is not to punish him or hurt him, okay? It's not to get him back, but it is to motivate you, to align with that energy. Because I know that that's what you're obsessed with right now. Like, how will he regret? If I don't tell him all the time,

what he's missing, what he's lost, how will he regret? He will regret by you becoming the woman he cannot reach. That is your power. You are now the one woman in the world? He can't reach, for sure. You know?

Make this your era of, becoming her. Her, the woman you always wanted to be with because you know that ex of yours, he cannot be about him. Not to prove a point, but to come back to home to who you're meant to be because I know you've lost yourself in your obsession about him, haven't you? You don't need to be wanted to be worthy. You need to want yourself to be worthy. You don't need to be chosen to be cherished by someone. You need to cherish yourself. You are healing because you can walk away. It feels like you will crumble and you won't survive because this person is not in your life. But that's not how we're built.

That's just your lizard brain thinking that the tribes abandoned you and now you're going to die in the Sahara or the Arctic or wherever you're from. But you won't. And in fact, very, very, very, very soon, you won't even remember who he was. The whole story is about you. It's not about him. I love you lots like jelly tots and I'll see you on the next one. Bye. Thank you.