BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 117: Never Buy A Grown Man’s Dinner & 10 Other Unhinged Truths I Wish I Knew In My 20s.

Episode Date: June 15, 2025

Never Buy A Grown Man’s Dinner & 10 Other Unhinged Truths I Wish I Knew In My 20s.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

These podcasts right here are the best because I'm going to tell you, because I'm feeling unhinged today. It's cold. My kids are sick. My nose is running with actually bleeding. Like I don't know what's going on. So I'm not feeling much like holding myself back. So here are some truths that I wish I knew in my 20s. Unhinged truths like never buy a grown man's dinner.

Please. Okay? So if you want to get offended, feel free because this is the one you want to get offended on, okay? These secret car park in my car videos are the ones, okay? Okay, let's go, because you know I have my notes. You know I have my notes. Number one, never feed a grown man. Never feed a man child, never pay for a grown man's dinner because he is not ready to be in a relationship.

you think because we've been raised to be nice girls, to be good girls, that, you know, if you come to the table halfway halfway, 50, 50, that he's going to respect you, love you and appreciate you. He's not. He's not. Men like to waste women's times with having them be a partner with them, a partner. They love that word, a partner, because you're not his wife, right? You're not his wife. You're not good enough to be his wife. He's still thinking. He's still considering. He wants to know what he's going to do for a job, what he's going to do for his life so that he can be ready. ready for the woman that he actually wants to be with, right? But he loves to waste your time. Please, never ever pay for half of the rent, half of the things, all of the things when you should be concentrating on your own future, on your own career, and bulking of your bank account. Why? These truths are unhinged, because they're not even in a system in my mind. It's just truths you need to know. I'm 37 years old. I know. Listen, when you are going to be wasting your time building with him, building a life with him, and he's not ready to make you his. his wife, if you're his wife, fine, build whatever you want, okay? Build a castle, a sand castle,

build it to the moon. But when he is your boyfriend and he's not ready to settle down with you, and he's telling you he's not ready and he wants to do this first and he wants to buy this first and he wants to do that first, he is using your finances and your money, time, effort, energy, beauty and youth to coast on through so he doesn't have to pay 50% of his rent, he doesn't have to pay 50% of his meals until he finds the wife he actually wants to be with. Do not let him do that. Why? because the money that you should be spending should be saved in your bank account. Why? Because you are the one eventually who is going to potentially have children and let it be known, my friends, who ends up looking after the children after a lot of the fathers leave. I don't mean it to sound bitter or annoyed or anything.

I don't mind. I love that moms are the ones who stay with the children because otherwise, why are you having them? It makes no sense to me. I actually don't understand. And I only understand fathers who stay. But most women are responsible for their children. I can. cannot spend money raising someone's not fully raised son. That's how you need to think about them. Not a sexy Brad who you want to look after and build with, but someone's son who's not fully raised. You're going to have your own children or potentially already do. And if you think, oh, I'm never going to have children, you might, okay? You might. Except for that one or two or three percent, right? Who won't. Actually, they say it's 50 percent of women won't have kids now. So, but whatever, the potential

is there. You're biologically inclined to be the one who is female and he was going to do that, okay? So don't let him take you for a ride because you know what men do. Children aside and all that aside, they know a good thing when they see it. So what happens when they see you,

they like you, you're not his dream girl, he would really prefer someone else but you are amazing, good looking, you make money and you are very cool. He will sit on you like a seat that he has reserved until he wants to hop off to the next one. And you can see. it because men who adore you and want to be with you, even when they don't make much money and

they're at uni, will literally rather, I don't know, rather do something horrible than what you pay for them because their provider mindset kicks in, okay? Number two, let him be the peacock. This is an unhinged truth. If you are auditioning for him, if you like him more, oh, but I like him, Margarita, I don't care. I don't care that you like him. It's not the way it's meant to be. if he likes you and you like being liked by him, that is the formula that you want in life. That is the formula you want in life. Because men do a lot of amazing things for women they like,

and women learn to really love someone that does a lot for them. If you like him and he likes to be liked by you, it's a disaster because he will abuse you. They are more selfish than we are. They're not programmed for motherhood and things like that and to sacrifice that way that we can, okay? trust me i know yeah so think about it as nature think about it as you are the simon cowl and he's auditioning for you if you are auditioning for him going to his side of town making it easy for him

making it okay for him then why don't you just go to his house and help him hang up picture frames because you're doing the man's job he should be the one inconveniencing himself to make it to you and if he's not willing to do that then bingo bango bongo there is your sign that he does not like you enough and do not waste your time with him number three If he's dramatic, no crown for a drama king, okay? You don't want that. Life dramatic enough. This person is eventually going to be someone,

if you are long enough together, who's going to have to coach you through illnesses, births of children, hardships, parents, deaths, and him with his dramatic ass and his sassy self, like the men who made it into my DMs when I posted men dress as princesses, as Disney princesses going,

I only go 50 or what do you bring to the table? it's a funny meme. Those men were in my DMs, upset and crying that I should apologize because it's mean to do that and I'm so misogynistic or something or other. And I said, do you know what? Listen to me. Listen to me, friend. Life is tough, be tougher. I don't have time for men who aren't tough enough to face life. What am I supposed to be doing? Looking after you, my kids, my life, my business and now and now your feelings? Bra, I've got no time for dramatic men. If you are not stoic or have some stoicism in you, oh, but men's feelings. Yeah, women's feelings too, men's feelings. Everyone's got feelings. I'm not saying if somebody has something dire happen in their life that we shouldn't support

them. We should support everyone across the board, right? But when men are in their dramatic era, when they're in the can't decide, when they're going with their lunar phases, can't, can't, can't, it's not for me, it shouldn't be for you. Number four, invest in your own dreams. Don't drop things in your 20s for a man to invest in his lifestyle career and things, unless it's one thing, unless you're married early and you really enjoy this person and you're willing to take a gamble, and it's a beautiful gamble on the fact that you and him will be together forever. Because 50% chance it won't work, because that's the statistics for divorce, but 50% chance it does, and within those 50% there's only 20% who are happy. So in the chance that 20% of you win at life and win at having what

beautiful relationship, take that gamble if he's willing to marry you and do all those things. But if he's not sure about you and he's moving to Mexico, for example, or Cuba, and because his business is out there or Dubai like everybody else, and you and your family are here, and you're moving out there for him, and he's not even sure that he wants to be with you. Baby girl, baby girl, no. Twenties is investing in your own dreams. You want to make your own dream. work and if that is to be a stay-at-home mum you should be investing in the guy who wants to be you I would be beep the wheel but then people would come and be like what's wrong madam and I'll be like what's wrong what's wrong people don't understand is what's wrong number five

boundaries is the whole thing that encompasses feminine energy burke and bag boundaries on how many people can get them who can get them nightclubs that are expensive and exclusive boundaries and who can get in every single thing that has high value and and has a perceived value, no matter what it looks like or doesn't look like, oh, it's easy if you look good. Yeah, it's easier if you look good. Yeah, it's easier if you look good. Yeah, it's easier if you're funny and witty. Yeah, it's easier, all those things. But no, no, no, anybody can achieve it by being elusive and exclusive. Boundaries. And I'm going to tell you a bonus truth here. Men only learn through rejection. If you're in your 20s, 30s, 40s, wherever, and you haven't learned this still, or even teens, men don't learn through nagging, conversation, explanation, long paragraphs, punishments, nothing. They learn through rejection.

Their mind, their algorithm in their stupid heads. No offense, boys, I'm joking. I'm just annoyed today because everybody's sick and it's winter and I've got 100 things to do. I love boys. I actually love men. They're one of my favorite things in the world. I have a son and husband who I love so. So take it with a pitch of salt, right?

Men only learn through rejection. Rejection meaning the removal of your energy from them when they act in ways that you don't want them to act. When they're disrespectful, rude, they don't want you, whatever. When you remove your energy is the only way they learn. When you communicate with them more, when you tell them off more, when you nag them more, they see that as acceptance, wanting them to change. And it is. because what do women do when they give up on a guy?

When guys are like, yeah, bro, she, you know, she doesn't nag me anymore and everyone's like, whoa, red flag because, you know, I mean, she doesn't like you. That's exactly right. She doesn't like you anymore. Number six, red flags, I know are cute. You want to decorate your life with a little bit of red flags and spice. They're not so spicy as life goes on. That's where you don't want spicy in your life to come from.

From the man that you are with, not being sure about you, or being abusive or being chaotic or being mean, oh, he's a poet, oh, he's like a rock star, he doesn't understand. Piss off. Piss off. They are not fun. They are not the type of thing that you want to decorate your life with. You can have adventures in other fields, but trust and believe that I know it feels so amazing that you're going to change him. You're going to be the only one. That is a very natural female thing, right? That's the female fantasy if you didn't know. Everything's based around it, the beauty and the beast fantasy. He is the beast who is mean to everybody who is a monster. who only wants you, and you've changed him.

Hence Christian Gray, hence every woman's fantasy book, is all about the vampire, the guy who's unattainable and untouchable by everybody but you and your amazing self and your amazing crystal soul and whatever it is you got going on between your legs, right? Because it's amazing, no one else has that except for you. You don't want to confuse that, and it's very natural biologically for you to want a man

who can both protect you and not want other people, because then that means he's only going to want, you and her vise for you, but don't that mistake that with men who are walking red flags. Number seven, keep your finances separate until you're married, or even then keep your finances separate. Always think of putting your finances into yourself as an investment into yourself. Unhinged truth ready, you might not like me for it, but this is what it is. If somebody else can pay for you, aka a man, a boyfriend, let him pay. Let him pay. Let people treat you well. Let people elevate you. And you save your money for something better and greater.

Oh no, I want to go, if I can make my own way, why? Why do you want to make your own way? Why do you want to make your own way? Make your own money. Put it in your bank account. You don't need to make your own way. You don't need to prove anything to anybody. I have this attitude, I think, because I come from a mum who provided for everything. And a grandma who was an engineer on my mother's side, okay? And my dad's side, grandma worked. So I don't have this feeling of like trying to prove myself that I can make my own way. I'm a girl boss. I know I'm a girl boss. You haven't seen women? You don't understand that they're all a boss, even if they, are at home. You don't understand how much weight we carry and what we have to do and the children and everything. It's a lot. It's a lot. There's nothing you need to prove to any man by, no, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna make sure I split the bill for what? Put it in your bank account. Number eight, trust your gut. It's a really, really historical, innate feature of being a woman. It's a gift you have, men don't have it, but you have it. If you learn to literally listen to your gut, it will not lead you astray. It is your sixth sense. It is amazing. Number nine, comparison is a thief. I see many messages. I haven't had kids by this age. I haven't

worked here by this age. I haven't done in my career. I haven't done this one, that one, the other one. Do you understand that when we all pass away, no one's even going to remember after two generations what you did and didn't do? You need to follow your own joy and your own path and your own timeline. These people don't care about you as much as you think they do. The people you think are looking at you thinking, oh, you know, Judith hasn't reached this master and yet they don't care. If you're not a person who loves to work, don't work. As long as you've got people to support you, fine.

Why are you trying to compete and be a girl boss? If you're a person who doesn't want to have children and it's not setting a soul on fire, the idea that you might look in their little faces that look like you and it's amazing or whatever it is, the reasons you want to have them, then don't do it. There is nobody you need to prove yourself to. There's nobody's going to pat you on the. the back. When you die, people aren't going to gather together and go, wow, she was amazing.

Let's put a monument. Not really. Even the most famous people get forgotten. You think the most famous, like, athlete in the Roman times is remembered now. Yes, maybe by those bros who are obsessed with the Roman Empire, but not by the general populace, okay? No one's going to remember Ronaldo. I know, shocker. No one's going to remember some of the most famous people in the world, right? So, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Number last is own your truth. Never settle for being an imitation of someone else. I, growing up, of course, I wanted to be like someone else or like a Victoria's Secret model or like this one, that one, the other one. The only thing you can be the best at is being yourself. And if you're with a man who's trying

to, because after all, these are the truths about men, right? If you're with a man who compares you to other women and says, oh, you don't like this or you don't look like this, or usually I date girls like this, reject them. Because you are the one who's auditioning him, not the other way around. Okay? All right. I'm going to go. Because I'm tired.

Love you, lots like J-HAT. See you in the next one. Bye.