BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 118: 20 Truths That Will Soothe Your Soul

Episode Date: June 22, 2025

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Welcome back to the Being Her podcast. I spent an hour sitting on my balcony with my baby daughter, looking at birds, not at my phone, eating blackberries, juicy berries, raspberries, and just sitting. I have not done that. Come closer so that you can't hear that drilling. I haven't done that in time and memorial. I have not done that.

I have put myself into a position whereby in putting myself first, I inadvertently ended up putting my ambitions first and my desires for my future first, which is not the same thing. I pushed myself so much into ideas of what I want to do and what I want to be for everybody and including you here, that I didn't burn myself out.

No, no, no, no. I'm not that typical girl who burns herself out. But I realize that in what I preach, is encompassed many, many layers, right? And in feminine energy, you've got many layers to that too. Sometimes you think that you will win at life by doing what is performative and best for everybody. And when you actually learn to breathe,

like I even was in such a rushed frame of mind that I was sitting with a friend of mine, a new friend of mine, amazing human, who I was eating a salad with her and she goes, oh my God, you must be hungry. You're eating so fast. Little does she know. I don't even know when I'm hungry or not. I just eat fast because I've got to get things done fast and I've got a baby daughter and a toddler and a business and it might not look like, and if you don't know me,

it might not look like the business is so vast or intricate, but it is from the podcast to the books, to the teams that I'm running to everything, that I just was running on this pace that is wild. And I decided to share a little bit of my journey because I know you are always on the same journey as me. I feel like we are spiritually connected because you listen to what I have to say, and I'm honest enough to say what I have to say, because we are on a similar spiritual, or life journey, okay? I'm wearing an eye mask if you're not watching this, and the eye mask takes half an hour.

So in half an hour, I'm going to tell you 20 things that are going to soothe your soul. 20 truths that are going to shift something in your mind, that are going to change how you see this world, and hopefully we can discuss just the trajectory that we're on and what we're doing, you know? Because for me, I've had to find a new normal,

and a new reality what I'm doing because essentially it's like everything that you've ever wanted is somehow in the moment that you're experiencing currently and some moments will be hard and some moments will be easy but it's important to see the reality of what it is around you. Number one, success doesn't always look like movement. Sometimes the most powerful thing that you can do is stop or stay or observe. My mom always used to make the metaphor of being like a cobra on a rock before you strike. My mum's very dramatic with her metaphors, so we're not necessarily striking.

But there is a culture, a hustle culture, a movement culture. We've been indoctrinated as women, as men too, but I suspect you're all been watching this. That unless you're moving, and the reason I keep fiddling with this mask is because it's slipping down onto my lower

cheeks. Like, I don't know, what are we trying to do? Are we trying to moisturize the gel? Babe, please, stay where you're meant to be. Success doesn't always look like movement. Where are you rushing to? Your inevitable end. Because that is the end for everybody. I hate to break it to you.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news. If you before watching this video did not know, life concludes for everybody as it exists on this plane. Okay. So what are you rushing forward to? When I get this, when I get that, when I do this, then I'll start living. When I fully express myself this way.

When I write my book, when I get to 500,000 followers, when I have my two kids, then what? Huh? Jessica? Then what? Nothing. An example is you're tempted to launch something, to write something, to do something.

Me, I'm a fiery type of personality. I don't seem it because I'm like cool water on the outside, but on the inside I'm like I'm lava. That's what I am. I'm constantly moving, never stopping lava, and if you stand in the way, then the lava will just walk through you, right? But lava needs to chill,

because lava has even got my lips have started to like not not crack from dryness but just like are red and sore and i went down the chinese medicine route and they're like listen you need to chill you need to not be so fiery you need to relax you need to calm down drink some dandelion tea for fuck's sake just relax and pause wait for clarity success my guy is rooted in alignment and then therefore or action, not in random flailing. Okay? And especially as a woman,

feminine intuition and feminine energy needs to be listened to, acute, listen to it, and then follow. Nothing's going to happen from you rushing through life. I say this because I have planned a trip to go to Chamerica, to go on podcasts, to do a little, you know, meet and greet, and to do all these things in a couple.

compliments and I was going to bring my kids and I was going to do all this and then I just realized every time I thought about this trip it just stressed me out like I don't want to go and do this with my kids in a hotel room just logistically and I don't want to fly with them so little and all this stuff but I was pushing myself because you know because if not now then when then when we've got to do this we got to do this got to write a second book got to achieve achieve like who needs this who needs burnt out you on some random podcast not that the podcast would be random they would be fabulous but people want you as the best version of you. I grew this from my thoughts, my ideas and what I've

got to do and I'm showing you via my example on how life can be played. And the best success I've had is not from folding to pressure and becoming the person that others want me to be, but from being exactly who I am. The revenue that I've made, the income, personal gain, personal growth, how I look, everything I do only happens when, Amanda, when I follow my intuition and movement, sometimes, let's repeat the clause. Number one, success doesn't always look like movements. Sometimes the powerful thing to do is stop. So I cancel my flights. I'll go when there's a reason to go. I'll go when I'm good and ready. I'll go when I can go myself for a couple of days. I'll go when it feels aligned. Mother truckers, okay? Number two, the version of you who's

grounded is more magnetic than the one who's constantly chasing. Let me reframe a world view for you. In my 20s, I was always chasing opportunities, people, timelines, everything. When you can understand the most charismatic and magnetic people in this universe are those who seem comfortable in themselves, you can become successful from a small island in Fiji rather than chasing something that isn't yours. You know what I mean? In that I mean the world is global right now. a video and create an incredible business. I'm talking more so to mothers who right now feel like they're stuck at home with the kids and I get this question a lot like, but I can't work outside the home, the kids need me. You have talents that the world wants and if you are present in your

own self and you are grounded in your own journey and who you are, people will gravitate towards you. People will gravitate towards you if you have something impressive, interesting and grounded to teach. Not if you run around trying to sell yourself like a handbag that's going out of style. Okay? If you're burnt out from doing everything just to be seen, that is the mind shift that you need to make. And it doesn't have to be about business. It can be about that guy. Roger doesn't value you more because you show up at the bar every time he's there. Jack is not going to value you more because you're at the game every time he plays. No, no, no, no, no. You need to come back to center and understand the most magnetic person in the room is the one who flails around the least and has the most magnetism.

Number three, you don't need to earn rest with exhaustion. That's it. You don't need to earn rest with exhaustion. It's not something you buy. Your body, your beautiful little human body that is taking you through life that probably has made you babies or will or attends to people in your life or does incredible things does not need to earn love from you. You are not a machine that needs to work around the clock continuously. We are not in the industrial revolution where we got sold the idea that you clock in, clock out. the harder you work, the early the worm, first gets the worm, blahdy, blahdy blah, stop it. If you never feel attracted to work in your life, but you are an incredible carer for your

family, I'm going to clap for you like that because my daughter is sleeping, okay? You are somebody, if this really hit home for you, if somebody feels guilt for taking a day off when you weren't productive. Who are these truths for? They're for Margarita, because I'm taking you on my journey with me. I have somebody who helps me two days a week so that I can work. Do you think I do anything for myself during the week? No, I don't.

So I sit on Instagram or TikTok and it's a personal journey and I'll say that you need to replenish yourself and you need to look after yourself because then you'll be vital to the people who are in your life and I did not lie when I said it. But what I got confused with is that I thought the work that I'm doing is the, the, the, the, the, the replenishment of myself that I need. It is not. Rest is your right. Rest recalibrates your magnetism and your North Star. It makes you more yummy and scrumptious like a fruit that's just been marinating on a tree as opposed to like a, like a mass produced something or other in a wrapping, you know? You need that juiciness to ripen if that's going to be you, if you're going to

be that magnetic, okay? And you don't owe it to the world to treat yourself right. It's not, the cycle isn't, you work really hard, you burn yourself out, and then you deserve rest and like, you know, looking after yourself. And I've had to learn, and this is a learning for me, that I deserve to do things for me, and I thought work was for me, and it is for me, because I love what I do. And I started to love what I do until it became a job, right? And I still love it, but now it's also a job. So in the times that somebody comes and helps me, why can't I have a shower?

Why can't I have a shower without someone climbing up on me? Okay? I can. Yes, I can. Yes, I can. Number four. Life will still meet you even if you miss the train, the flight,

the moment. Life will meet you. Life is what is happening right now. Life is those small moments you remember. when you're sitting with your brother near a lake and he's throwing stones and you see a leaf that is incredible in colour. You know, you can cancel an event. You can miss a timeline. You cannot take the job if it doesn't feel aligned. You need to trust that timing is co-created and not a punishment that if you don't jump on the train, the train goes and the life goes. This applies to people who, the rhetoric that

women often say, and this was actually a video I was going to make today or a podcast I was going to make today, and I'll make it next time is that lies we're told to as women that don't serve us. And one of them is timeline. Timeline only affects you if you make stupid decisions. So make wise ones, but even if you do make stupid decisions, you can pedal back. For example, one of those is like, oh, you're past your prime as a woman. You can't date. That is wrong. as an 18 year old woman you can date possibly 18 year olds or 10 years up

right potentially let's just call it like a blanket statement because you don't want to day older than that right at that time but men say in popular media oh your options are going to dwindle da da da da da yes if you treat yourself terribly and when you're 35 you look like a shadow version of yourself

and you are tired unhealthy burnt out and just had enough, yes, your options are less. However, if you're 35 years old and you've treated yourself like the queen that you are and done everything that you deserve, your options now widened because you can date 10 years younger, I wouldn't, but you can, you can date your own age bracket, and you can date a 60 year old if you want to, or 20 years older. If you want to, look at all the choices you have, baby girl. Life is how you look at it. You have not missed the train. You are simply having a moment.

Life will meet you if you miss the train. Number five. Sometimes stillness is how you hear your next instruction. When you're rushing around, what should I write my next book about? What should I do? What's the right thing to do? We're building a house at the moment. I have two kids under five.

everything is happening. I have a podcast that is top 25 in education. I have a community of people, I hope you're one of them, who relies on this journey and everything I'm saying, it's a lot. And every day I'm like, what's the next thing I'm going to do?

Are you mad? You're doing enough. You silly rat, you're doing enough. If you stop for a moment, you can actually see, if you get quiet, when the noise fades, the truth whispers to you. The truth it whispers. You can't hear it if everything is screaming

and buzzing in the background, like a train station. You know that you've got this problem. If you keep looking for signs, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do. Stillness. Six. Love, we're moving into love. Yes, we are. Yes, we are, Catherine. Love doesn't need to be earned. If you're overfunctioning, you're not in love. You're in fear. You can be in fear just as you can be in love. Love doesn't need to be earned. If you're doing all the emotional labor in a relationship,

if you're second-guessing what he's going to do, if you're trying to preempt everything, control the whole situation, make sure that he's happy, make sure everything is lined up because you are earning love. That is not you being in love, that's you being in fear. And maybe that person represents the childhood trauma you had and by trauma.

I don't mean a big T trauma. I mean a small T trauma like your dad, I don't know, didn't give you attention and worked a lot. And now you feel like you've got to work hard to make men like you. Yeah. What you need to do instead is step back. Love that's meant for you again. Like timing in your life will meet you halfway. If you stop making effort, you will not lose.

the person that is meant for you. 7. If someone makes you feel like you're too much, they're not for you. And that might not be on them. That might be just a combination and there is nothing you can do to change it. I've said before some people need a pint glass of attention and some people need a little tiny shot glass. So if that tiny shot glass guy of attention gives you every possible IOTOM. of attention he can and he pours into you in your massive pint glass of attention that you need

because you're probably actually attached or you probably just a person who needs a lot more. Like dog breeds people, breeds are different in terms of how they function. He gives you everything he can and still you're unfulfilled. You're on him. Why didn't you do this? Why don't we hang out more? Why don't you call me? And he's like, I've given her everything I can.

Why is Jennifer not happy? well Todd is because you're a pint glass and there's nothing wrong with a pint glass because if you get together with two pint glasses and you pour into each other, Chefskis's amazing. You know? If you're constantly second-guessing your emotions with this person, constantly second-guessing if you've done too much, if you said too much, if you've written too much, too much, too much, maybe they're not your match.

Maybe they're not for you. Maybe you don't need to change. Maybe he doesn't need to change. maybe we're changing a lot, a lot, a lot, and we don't need to. Let your fullness filter the room, the right ones stay. Be enough, be too much. Be the explosion of the galaxy that you are. Be all the stars in the universe.

Be all of it. Be funny, sarcastic, ridiculous. Be whatever you want to be. Eight, your worth is not a consensus. Your worth is not a consensus. One rejection could shake your confidence. and you feel like you've been surveyed, and now you're worth as a human being is glorious birds.

Thank you for that soliloquy. You have now been assessed, and you, like a product on a factory, have been deemed as less than. You see? But that is not true. That's not how life works. Remember, being misunderstood isn't a failure. It's a sign of originality.

You don't have to prove yourself to anybody. You don't have to read people the rights of who you actually are. You don't have to do any of that. Let people misunderstand you. Number nine, what you miss is often the version of you who was hopeful, not the relationship itself. In a breakup, when you lose someone, what you miss is your romanticized idea of life, you're looking forward to the day, the holiday that you're planning, your beautiful childlike view of the world.

One of the best things about having children is seeing the world through their eyes. It is not the ex. It is not the person who didn't want you. It is not a toxic person or toxic ex or this person who just doesn't want to be in your life. It is the version of you who had hope in her eyes and believed in the magic of love. Reclaim the version who believes in love and believes in magic in life and give her something to be excited about that is tangible to you. Do not tie it to someone because at the end of the day nothing belongs to us, but tie it to the reverence of life. The beautiful birds who are for some reason walking on my balcony. I've got colourful parrots.

I've got miners, I've got crows, I don't know what's happening here, but they feel, I think the energy. of what I'm saying. Yeah? Number 10. Detachment isn't cold. It's spiritual protection. We use protection for our banking. We use protection for our physical safety.

We lock our doors. But we never protect our spiritual and emotional selves. If you feel guilty and like you're not being proactive for chasing or trying to fix relationships, you need detachment in your life. Detachment is not shutting down and being an unfeeling cold. prawn, okay, and being by yourself forever. It is choosing peace over control. That is all it is. You choose to understand that nothing belongs to you. You came as yourself and you will leave with yourself and everything is merely an experience for you to observe like when you go to the cinema.

Nothing is yours you are watching and you can choose to participate in moments or choose not to. That is all. 11. We're halfway through, lads. There is no timeline that you're failing or falling behind on. There is only alignment or misalignment. There is no script as pre-written. We're coming back to the fact that women often feel like, oh, I'm 40, I haven't done this and that. And you'll be shocked because women write to me, oh, I'm 20, I haven't done this and that. What is this timeline? What is this timeline that exists for societies at different times? If you compare your path and milestones to everybody else, to everybody around you, to Instagram, you need to stop and realign and ask yourself, do I really even want what they have? Because there is no universal timeline. Number 11. There is no universal timeline that you're falling behind on.

There is no universal truth. There is no universal havingness or beingness that you have to adhere to. There is only you and your own competition, striving, or whatever it is you've got going on with you. You need to realign with your own ideas. 12. Comparison is the thief of intuition. Comparison is the thief of intuition. You stop trusting your ideas because they don't look like what she has.

You stop trusting your timeline because it doesn't look like what she's doing. Notice how in the podcast space, Everybody's doing interviews or was doing interviews because my intuition is I want to have a conversation with you and I think I love some interviews that are for you. But if anything, I would love to talk to you on the podcasts and have conversations with real women, but that's beside the point. Everyone told me, have interviews, bring people on, have more conversations. And you know what, selfishly, I wanted to do interviews too because I'm like, I want to know these amazing women and talk to them. But if you listen and compare yourself to, let's say, other podcasters, everyone's doing that, I should do that. Then it robs you of your intuition and my intuition was. Keep talking to the audience and keep having your conversation. There is 10, 20 years of where I'm going to be doing this, hopefully, unless I decide not to, where it can pivot into other things. But my intuition is, I haven't said everything I have to say yet.

If you meet the noise, your power lives in your own voice and your own originality. If you compare yourself, you will mute your intuition. 13. You don't need to go viral to be valuable. You don't need to go viral to be valuable. If you question your worth because something you post didn't perform and you don't even have to be a podcast or a creator or anything. It's if you post a photo, not as many likes, write something in a group chat, not as many replies. value is built on quiet consistency, not just clouds. You're going to do what you want to do.

You've got to do what makes you happy. You've got to stay quiet, consistent and just work on what you want. I used to post beautiful photos of me wearing beautiful clothes and wearing beautiful bags because I thought that that's what the algorithm wanted and I've always been in the space of, you know, creation and creating a beautiful life and for me it was always in my mind that I was felt like I had an expertise but I thought you know everyone's posting lovely photos so I'll do that too and all I thought about is the color of the grid or some stupid shit like that right stupid for me not stupid for some people because that's really what they value until I started

talking about what actually matters to me to me not to you to me probably to YouTube as you watch this but quiet consistency and just value in your own is what builds incredible projects. 14. It's okay to be soft and strategic at the same time. Oh, Marguerita, if we're on our feminine energy, are we just going to make sourdough and braid our hair? You know, or I work so hard at work, you know,

I work hard to be respected. No, feminine energy is the most respected and revered thing in the world. People, you know, carry women across puddles because they respect them so much. Feminine strength is fluid and intelligent and observing like the snake on the rock that is waiting to make its move Okay

Strategy Feminine strategy I need to write the art of war but for women That's what I need to write That is going to be my Big manifesto in the end The art of strategic alignment but for women

Because it exists for men But we are different If you think you have to be hard to be respected you are wrong. You need to be strategic and a strategist to be respected. Like many of the Greek goddesses were revered for being strategically superior to even men. I say to even men because it's unlikely at the time that women would have had that value but they did. And now if you're watching this I'm playing with my eye mask that I've removed but it's so squishy. 15. You're not flaky. You're just evolving faster than you can

could keep up with. If you're in a time in your life where you have decided to change directions and we've been taught to stick to your goal, keep going, stay consistent, it's not that you are a person who cannot stay and be consistent and complete a task, it is because you're evolving. You've changed. It's not you anymore. Pivoting when you've realized something isn't working for you is self-respect. 16. The dream might be real, but the timeline you've attached to it

might be made up. Oh, Marguerita, I don't think having kids is for me, you know, it's not happened, I'm 36. Or have you attached it to a timeline that doesn't exist? Oh, you know, I've worked in my company for this amount of time. Maybe

just the company isn't right for you. Maybe the dream is. Maybe the dream of kids is. Maybe the dream of writing that book or doing that film or moving to that country is real. Maybe meeting the love of your life is real just because the guy you dated didn't value you or want you back. It doesn't mean that the dream isn't real. Just the timeline might be wrong. Detach from the clock and the idea that you have to rush and be there and arrive there at a certain time.

Because again, what are you rushing towards? stay devoted to the dream, not the deadline. 17. When you stop chasing, you start attracting not just people, but peace. You start attracting the ability to breathe and exhale.

When you force outcomes instead of allowing space, which was literally what I used to do my whole life, you could print a T-shirt, that would be me. When I released the grip of controlling, everything is what was meant for me started to flow to me. My husband's attention, the kids I wanted to have, the business, everything I want comes to me when I stop chasing. It's like you become a magnet. It is quite magical. Next 18. Pivoting is not quitting, it's maturing. If you want to change careers, change content, change relationships and you feel shameful because you've committed

about what you've said to everyone else, you need to understand that the greatest things come from reinventing yourself and meeting the next version of you. And what I would advise is you just wake up the next morning and you are now, the new version of you. That is literally how I do anything, how I have confidence, how I do anything. I wake up and I just have a new identity. 19. It's okay to want more,

but it's also okay to stay home with your babies. If you feel torn between ambition and motherhood, you need to understand that you are allowed to want both and you are allowed to have both. You will not be perfect at the same time. And you need to understand that mum guilt is a very, very natural, amazing thing that is just saying, hey, there's a little creature that's attached to you. Don't forget that little creature that's attached to you. Normal.

Anxiety is the same. Say thank you, mum guilt. Thank you, anxiety. I got you. I see you. You're wanting me that primordial, you know, attachment that I've have to my kid. If you don't have that, you literally, it's your body's way of saying, hey, don't forget this creature's right there needs you, girl. And if you're ambitious, I'm ambitious because it gives me freedom. I don't feel I got to prove anything to anybody or work for anybody or anything like that. I could never work for anybody. It just doesn't allow my personality. I'm

a very good worker. I tried that. It didn't work. But my ambition is completely intertwined with my ability to give myself freedom and make its freedom, right? You're allowed to do both imperfectly, and you're also allowed to do it not at the same time. You're going to be a mom of small children for a very short amount of time. For some reason, it's clustered into one time for me, where my career has grown and my children are babies, but I think it's meant to be that way for me. I had a lot of of just thinking and sitting around and going to nail salons. Not necessarily nail salons, but you know sitting with friends and stuff and now stuck all at the same time, but that's me, that's my journey.

20. A dream girl is not someone who has it all, she's someone who trusts herself through it all. If you look at yourself as like a movie point of view, some of the most annoying, hard, difficult, tricky situations in your life are going to be the ones that the audience who are watching you in a movie are going to learn from, that you're going to learn from and they're going to make the best parts of the book or the movie. Let's be real. Do it for the plot.

If you think being her means being perfect, green smoothies, walking around with your yoga outfit, never having to lose weight, never having to go to the gym or gain muscle, never having to, right now I'm kind of off that trajectory because I'm like trying to cool myself. Yoga. Being her is a feeling.

build a life where you can feel like the main character. If you haven't gone onto my website and you haven't seen Become Her, that is an eight-week breakdown of how you become the main character of your own movie. Experience it if you want to. And if you're not ready for that, there's mini courses there too. Guys, I love you, lots of Jet Tuts, and I'll see you on the next one. You're exactly where you're meant to be.