BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 119: 12 Lies That Are Holding You Back (And What to Believe Instead)

Episode Date: June 29, 2025

We’ve all absorbed silent lies that shape how we see ourselves — and how small we play in life, love, and success. In this episode, I’m breaking down 12 beliefs that secretly hold women back (like “you’re running out of time” or “you’re too much”)… and giving you the truth, the mantra, and the mindset shift to reclaim your power.Whether you’re navigating dating, career growth, self-worth, or a glow-up season — this is your reminder to stop playing by old rules and start trusting your timing, your energy, and your desires.✨ Listen for the lie that’s been holding you back — 🖤 For more:→ Courses + masterclasses: margaritanazarenko.com→ Join my list for weekly mindset shifts: https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/emails→ Instagram: @margaritanazarenko—Subscribe for more on feminine energy, self-worth, and Becoming Her.Love you lots like jelly tots, xx MargaritaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hello, my beautiful friend. You have made it to the right side of the internet or the podcast sphere because this is the Being Her podcast, where I'm going to tell you some lies that you've been believing that are holding you back. You've been believing these lies. They've been indoctrinated into you and they are holding you back. There's a whole different system of belief that I'm going to teach you on my trusty phone here. I've got all my notes. I'm ready. And I'm going to tell you 12 of them. 12 powerful lies that hold you back and held me back, okay? That held me back. I feel like I am getting better and better as time goes on with everything that I do. I feel like I'm optimizing myself and I want you to be on that journey with me. I am on my way to lunch with someone for something and I wanted to impart these to you before I go. Because I'm just feeling it today. I'm feeling good, you know?

You know when you're just like, I need to teach the people? number one lie is that you're running out of time. That is the number one lie. The only truth in that is time is finite in terms of the fact that you should feel that your life is precious. The entirety of your life is precious. The fact that you only have one. The fact that you should utilize all of it. The fact that you should feel grateful to even be here is true.

But the fact that you're running out of time on some comparative timeline is not really. The truth is, time expands when you're aligned. Time is like this relative rubber, right? You know in those moments when you're not in flow, when you're not sure about what you're doing, and you don't know how to optimize everything you want to do? I was like that in my early 20s. I finished drama school and I was auditioning,

but it didn't feel aligned because I hated auditioning and I hated auditioning for modeling jobs because I never felt like a model. And not that I hated the audition. I actually like coming in front of people and talking, but it was just felt really unaligned for me to be like, pick me, pick me, because I'm not a pick me style of person. I'm a create type of person. And the unfortunate thing about acting, which I loved and still love, is that you cannot just, unlike music, act in your room. You need an audience to act, okay? That's my belief. You can't just act in your room. I mean, all kids do it. They pretend play,

right? But time feels elastic and rubbery and long. And when you are in flow, like right now, I've got my two children. I'm creating the business that I love. I've created it somewhat already to the point where I'm at. Everything seems to be firing on all cylinders and it's going so fast. You do not need to be at the same pace as everybody. At the time, I had friends who were uber successful and incredibly doing well and I felt comparatively like I was not there and it's not about that. So the mantra is I am right on time for the life that's meant for me. I am really, right on time for the life that is meant for me. We do not all have. You know how a movie has like an intro and then it's got the speedy part where they're all like jumping or learning how to

do kung fu or whatever and then they go fight the bad guy? We all have different sequences. Not everyone's movie is on the same timeline. Your movie might have a different timeline to other people. Some people are really late bloomers. I really wanted to be like super successful in my early teens when I realized I was not going to be Britney Spears. not in terms of Britney Spears like singing and dancing because I never wanted to sing and dance but like a teenager who's walking down the street

and then Quentin Tarantino's walking past and he's like hey I want you to be in the next pop fiction I wanted to be that not necessarily exactly that scenario but it didn't happen and if you look at somebody like Brittany now love her queen you better work you see in her late 30s

that's a different story Me, I was 30s Brittany in my early 20s and now I'm early Brittany, right? We change. We have a different timeline. People have three acts in their life, like a theater place, first act, second act, third act. You don't know when you're popping off is going to pop off. You know what I mean? You don't know when your journey is going to journey.

So don't compare it to other people. You might have incredible three acts. All three of them might be incredible. Rushing also leads you to poor decisions. So the lie is you're running out of time. And the truth is that everything's right on time for you, and you're right on time for the life that matters. A whole family is getting out in the car next to me. A whole family.

A whole family is combobulated by the fact that who's this lady filming herself? Watch the Being Her podcast, and you'll know. Line number two, as you age, your dating options shrink. That's the line number two. I really believe that lie because of the smelly manosphere that is everywhere, and they're like, you diminish and your worth and high value. Not that I believed it in my logical thinking, but I believed it in some kind of like, you know how someone tells you the grass is green and you're like, oh, I guess it's green.

I believed it in terms of, well, I guess that's just the fact. Men just like young women and that's that. It's not the truth. It's not the truth in terms of your dating options shrink. Some men like younger women. Some men like large women. Some men like skinny women. Some men like all kinds of women, right?

Men like women. That's the thing. Men like women. And the only thing that age does. is make me sad that the movie is running out, as in like the movie is going to be closer to being over, but also makes me feel reverent and in awe of how lucky I am to experience all these ages, okay? But it does separate the women from the girls in terms of the fact that how you age is how you treat yourself and what you invest in yourself. We're all cute when we're young. You can be chubby and

cute, you can be skinny and cute, you can be tall and cute, you can be short and cute. When you're young, you're like a puppy, it's all cute. But how you treat yourself, really shows what kind of woman you are as you age. You see how you do, how you look after yourself, how you put yourself first, how you are in your feminine energy, how you manifest all those good, good things. That you can only see as someone ages. And that's why you see some beautiful Monica Balucci type women walking in in their 40s and you're like, oh my God, everyone sit down, hold the door, shut your face, do whatever you've got to do. She is here. Right. And with age comes clarity about who you are, comes confidence, deeper standards.

But this is the thing that I really want you to understand. Because you're sitting here talking like, yeah, yeah, yeah, but younger is better for dating. No, it's not. Why? Because when you are young, as I've said before, you only have people who are a little bit older than you to date. That's it. You're not going to date like a 10-year-old, are you?

But when you're in your mid-30s, 40s, you've got younger than you. You got that same age as you. You got older than you. The demographic opens. It's just a pick whoever you want. men will always like women. There are incredible women at every age and the thing that I want you to compete with because I know you're going to compete because you're a woman and women are competitive in that way is not other women. Stop competing with other women. Rebecca. I want you to compete with

yourself. How good can you look for how long? Good. I don't mean young. I didn't say young. No, I didn't Patricia. I didn't say young. I said good. How good can you look? How long? How much can you develop your style? All those things. Okay. So the lie is, as you age, your dating options shrink. No, they don't. Look after yourself. Be a goddess. Men will worship you. Okay. Lie number three. If you were truly good enough, it would have already happened. That's a lie. That's a lie. That's a lie. Have you seen my platforms? I'm not saying this to be conceited. And it's not the biggest platform. And I don't put the most energy into it in terms of that that's not an excuse. As in like, I am not here trying to be Logan Paul in 2015. You know,

I do what I do and it's out there in the universe because I realized that the audience who is for me will find me. But if I was truly good enough and I believed that, I would have given up a long time ago because I've been online since whatever years ago, right? Growth isn't linear, it's layered and seasonal. Delay is not denial. That's the mantra. Delay is not denial of the fact. Sometimes, and I believe this wholeheartedly, the only thing you have to do is keep doing the thing that you want to do. it will happen. You also have to have self-awareness. You've got to understand that you might want to do a thing. For example, become a YouTuber. Cool. I'm just saying this because you might be watching this on YouTube. You might want to become a YouTuber. The thing isn't to quit YouTube because it didn't work for a year. It's to pivot what you talk about. It's to pivot how you talk. I watched a reel of myself acting in my early 20s. Oh my God. I'm so much more grounded now. I don't know what I was.

doing. I was theatre acting. I think it must have been that because otherwise it was awful. At the time, I didn't know what the problem was with how I was acting. Now I could see it clearly. If I had the knowledge I had back then, stop. Hide your kids, hide your wife, okay? Setbacks often should redirect how you're doing it, not what you're doing. Okay? Line number four, quattro. You have to be realistic. Be realistic, Jennifer. Be realistic, Samantha. Be realistic. Abudella, I was like. going to say, who is Abwedela? No one is named Abwedela. Adiola. Adiola. That's the name I'm thinking. From that song, isn't it? Adiola. So, realism is often just fear dressed up as logic. Realism is fear

dressed up as logic. Oh, be realistic. We can't have that. Be realistic. We can't go to the moon. We can't do this one. We can't do that one. Be realistic. It's just fear. Mantra is, I trust my vision, even when there are doubts. The biggest option. The biggest option is, I've had to traverse and the biggest upsides I've ever had in my adult life is when I have doubted my intuition and then trusted it again. And I've realized it's always damn right. It's really annoying. And I try and force my team to make decisions, other people to make decisions. But talking about constant realism keeps women small, keeps men small too. Men are really good at being delusional though. An average six out of ten, I hate to put numbers.

people. In fact, I do like it. An average six out of ten man thinks he's an eight out of ten. An average six out of ten women thinks she's a three out of ten. That's a fact. That's been studied. Look it up. That's a study, right? So however you think you are, add yourself two or three points as a woman, okay? Stop being realistic, be a little delusional because delusional makes dreams come true. Delusional makes the world move in order to make things happen for you, okay? Number five, lie. You're too much. You're too much. You expect too much, you want too much, shrink yourself, become smaller, don't take up space, become tiny. You know, there is even moments where I've read about esoteric things like why people gain weight,

and that is because they shrink themselves so much that their body has to take up physical space in order to become seen in the world, because a lot of people who put themselves second will end up soothing themselves with food and inevitably taking up space physically when they won't take up space emotionally. And that should really land. The moment I gained most weight in my life, I was at the highest point of my weight, was when I think I was trying to play the smallest, when I was trying to make everyone else comfortable around me, when I was trying to disappear like sugar and tea and not be noticeable. And when I'm spicy, I'm skinnier, because I'm like, my personality takes up space. My body doesn't need to. Small feeble, but powerful. Okay? If you're

too much, you might just be in the wrong environment. you know because a cactus is too much for maybe a rainforest but it's perfect for a desert okay the mantra is my fullness is my power my enoughness is my power my too muchness is my power look at everyone who is too much from elvis presley to lord byron okay you need to stop shrinking for other people's comfort you are not here like a mule to have everybody ride on your back and make them comfortable. That is not your mission. That is not why you were born. That is not what you're here to do. I'm sitting here in this car and I swear there's a mosquito who's continuously biting my ankle. It's really disrespectful and really annoying. You know? Like, I'm trying to talk here.

Line number six, you should be further ahead by now. The truth is, we all come from different circumstances. Some of you needed this time to grow, to survive, to heal. And the mantra is, I honor the path that I've taken. Refram the shame of falling behind because the worst thing you can do. I've seen some of the most talented people be like, oh, well, I haven't done it yet, or I haven't made it yet, or I've fallen behind. I should be further ahead by now. That means I won't do it.

Wait, Wander. You are 35. You haven't become the person you want to be yet. So what are you going to do with the other 45 years you might be afforded? So you feel like you didn't do it in 35 years, cool. So what, now that we've got 45 years left, you're going to lay back and do nothing? Don't give up just because there's a timeline you have not imagined, okay? Number seven, and this lie is very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very important.

Number seven is my favorite number. So that we put out number seven. If it didn't last, it means it failed. When people are married for 15 years to somebody who was exactly the person for them at the time, then they have children and then they, as Gwyneth Paltrow would say, consciously uncouple, and they see that as a failure, I have a failed marriage. What do you mean you have a failed marriage? The institution of marriage was created on people lived for five years and died like flies.

I kid, of course, but people's life expectancy was 45 years. And marriage was more so to do with the industrious and economic values of, you know, being with someone and that being useful. And that's great. I love that. Not all marriages should be for love, okay? Because, you know, who says how we are to live our lives? I want to be married for love. But not everybody should be, right? Unless you want that. Some relationships are meant to evolve you, are meant to grow you, are meant to take you from who you were to who you're going to be, to heal you and not to complete you. You should complete you.

But also, things change. When you meet the one, like I don't believe in the one or the dream home or being somewhere forever, because how do you know who you're going to be? How do you know who you're going to be in 10 years? Hopefully you keep evolving with the person you're with. That is the ultimate. That would be my goal. And don't get me wrong, I am not quick to divorce.

Not that I ever thought of that option or even think about it. But as in, if challenges were to be presented, to a friend of mine who's close to me, I wouldn't be the one going divorce him, like the rest of TikTok and instead of divorce him. Divorce him. He didn't clean up the soap, divorce him, the dish in the soap and the divorce him, divorce him. How can he divorce everyone constantly all the time? Who's got time for that also? How can he be progressive and move ahead if you're just constantly divorcing everyone in your head? Not everything is meant to stay. Some things are meant to change you. Okay. Endings are growth. They're not failure.

a 20-year marriage that then ends or relationship is also a successful 20-year project, right? Now, again, if you're married, stay married. I want you to stay married. But if you're in a relationship and you trusted the wrong person and they don't want you back, that's not a failure, boo-boo. That's just a learning. Number eight, people won't take you seriously unless you have credentials. This one was very interesting because I spent my whole life like drama school.

Gotta go to drama school. Got to get training. Want to do Miss Universe. Miss Universe coach. Got to get credentials. Got to get credentials. When I now hire for my company and what I do, I do not care where you went. I do not care how you did it.

I care that you can get the job done because a shit ton of people have a lot of credentials and no clue about what they're doing or how to do it. Okay. Lived experience is way more powerful than any certificate because at the end of the day, unless you're a doctor or somebody who literally physically needs to learn how to do it and get credentials in the modern environment, the fact that you are doing it, have done it and are good at it, is way better than anything else. Just, I always encourage you if you're a woman to start your own online business to teach things, to do courses online because that is the way you can

be around your children, do what you want, live a fabulous life and, you know, I embody what I teach and that is enough. That is your mantra. I embody what I teach and that is enough. Some people want to know, this is the paradigm of coaching, exactly what it is you know. If you are very good at looking after cactuses now that I've brought them up before, let's stick with cactuses and you've done it for forever and your mother you sort of go after them and you know how to do them and some people want to know how to grow cactuses, they could go to agricultural university if that exists or they could just ask you because they've come to your house and they've seen exactly how you do your cactuses and your cactuses are amazing and they love it and they want to. I'm going to lock the door because suspicious

Steve is walking around out here. You just need to own your own authority. You need to own authority. People want to come to you to know how to do the thing, okay? They want to come to me to know how to do the thing. It doesn't mean I have to be a psychotherapist because I'm not trying to be a psychotherapist, right? So when people come to me for therapy, I say I'm not a psychotherapist, but if you want to be like Margarita, I can tell you. You can go on my website. You can see the courses that I put there. If you want to emulate how I think and how I process things. Number eight, sorry, nine, get your numbers right. It's selfish to want more. That's a huge lie, isn't it? Team, that's a huge lie. Put the hair behind the ears. We're loving life.

You know, sometimes, I put my hair behind my ears. It's not aesthetically pleasing, but it's just such a wonderful feeling. You guys on the camera are trying to exhaust the battery and die. So I'm going to plug you in so that we can keep talking. Isn't that nice? Isn't that nice? Aren't I conscientious and kind that I've bought a charger? It's selfish to want more. The truth is your expansion is beneficial for everybody.

you wanting more, you getting more, you striving for more, you becoming more is beneficial for your children, for your spouse, for everyone around you. I fall into the trapped often that when I want more, I want to do more, I want to be more, I want to write more books, I want to have a bigger podcast, I want to do all these things? I'm like, do I really need it? It's like not aligned to anything or whatever. No. And then I get letters saying, you changed this for me, you've done that for me. The more I expand and the more I want and the more I ask for, I'm going to ask for something now. If you haven't subscribed to my podcast, subscribe right now. I never say this stuff because I just disregard it because I'm always rushing to be honest.

Nothing embarrassing about asking for it. But if you, I want more. I want more. I want you to listen to this and I want you to subscribe, okay? My desires are divine instructions because we are building something incredible here, okay? Get on board and subscribe. It's great to have ambition. It's great to have desire and it's great to have evolution. Desire is the feminine version of male ambition. A woman sets up a desire and the masculine, whether that be a man or your own masculine energy, goes forward and gets it, okay? But first, as a woman, you need to manifest things through the vessel of desire. Okay.

Number 10. 10. 10. Okay. Lie. Confidence comes after success. Not true. Confidence creates success.

Okay. To feel confident, you need to feel confident that you will show up for yourself. To know that you are practiced enough to do the thing. In order to be successful, you need to be good at the thing. You cannot get good at the thing until you practice it 100 times.

Okay? You need to move like it is already yours and then it will come to you. Because say public speaking, you need to do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. Like I said, with acting, when I started bad at it, I've really enjoyed it though, but bad at it, now I'm good at it.

I am good at it now. Don't get that mistaken because, you know, I can now feel into emotion. Back in the day, I used to think, how do I look on stage? What am I saying? how does it look, you know, all those things, right? But the important thing for confidence is the practice, practice, practice, practice,

until it feels like second nature. And then comes success. You see, people want success and then they'll get confidence because now I am this. Now I'm a good public speaker. Now I'm an actor. Now I'm a supermodel. No. You want to have a healthy, amazing, rock hard, gorgeous, whatever it is, curvy body.

You go to the gym, you eat right? And then you're getting confident because you know how to do the thing. You now know how to train your bum or do your squats or whatever it is. And then you get success. And people say, wow, you're looking good. Wow, you want to do this. Wow, you look amazing. Then success comes.

It's about embodying it before it happens. It's not like it's just going to fall on your lap and then you're like, I'm so confident now. I'm so confident. You think I could speak publicly before? No, I could not. Jessica. I could not. Number 11.

While kind granny loads her bags and looks at me suspiciously. Don't worry, Granny. We're safe. You're safe with me. Number 11. Love will come when you stop wanting it. Now, one of the chapters of my book is it's okay to want a man and need a man, because the rhetoric in modern feminist is, I don't need no man. Why on earth would there be two different genders, or even if you're attracted to same-sex people, why would you have the feeling of wanting love or companionship, like all mammals on this earth, but not need it? That's weird. That's very weird. That would not happen. Love comes when you stop chasing.

You should not be chasing love because the fact of chasing something therefore means that you are in want and dire need of it when it should be something you're just willing to receive. You should want love love love love love everybody. I want to love my kids. I want to love my husband. I want to see my mom. I love her. But I'm not chasing it. I'm not going to run after. them people who don't want me back you understand the mantra is I'm magnetic to love by being fully me you're just fully you and do you want love in your life you don't need to run around saying I don't want no man I don't need no man it's not about pretending it's about just knowing you're worthy of it because you're an incredible person because we all are okay number 12 before I go and I bid you adieu you have to do it all alone that's the lie or you got to manage you you got to manage you

You've got to manage. You've got to manage. The right support accelerates your eyes, okay? I had no support in the past. Now, I have someone who helps me with my child. I ask for help for my husband, who runs away all the time, but I ask anyway. Love that for me. Management. This is more about work, actually, in real terms. Management. A team for my web, everything. I've outsourced to people who are better than me. Better than me. I'm not good at everything, you know. I'm just good at this, but not everything.

You're not going to prove anything by struggling through things. You're going to be half of a person. You're going to be half good at everything. I have that guilt too. Like the one day slash two days, I have somebody come and look after my daughter so I can sit here and talk to you guys. I feel bad, but not really.

Because I'm like, shh, everyone needs a village. And this is our village. And this is me. And this gives me life. You're not going to win favor and love by being a struggle bus. You know what I mean? You're not going to, they're not going to carry your hands.

Yay, she struggled and she suffered. She struggled and she suffered. You're not Holy Mary. Okay. And it's great to struggle for a cause, but it's better if you just make the cause happen. It's better that we don't have suffer love. Feminine energy and community and regulation are a very good thing. I've read this thing that if you feel in a panic when you're alone with your baby,

is because tribally, if you were alone with a baby, is dangerous. You should be in a community and a tribe. Blue my mind. Okay? We're not here to struggle. You do not win and succeed from struggle. That is something that's been ingrained in you. I know a lot of you are Eastern European who are watching this

are from cultures that are like, you've got to work in order to win. And if you've suffered enough, then you win something. That's not the truth. That's not the truth. Anyway, subscribe. And I love you. like jelly tots see you on the next one bye