BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 121: 10 Brutal Truths About Men (And What It Means for Us)

Episode Date: July 13, 2025

10 Brutal Truths About Men (And What It Means for Us)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, here we go. Ten brutal truths about men because we do not discriminate here. No, ladies and gentlemen, we do not. Oh, beautiful wind has come in. It's like some kind of, uh, my neighbor Torturo movie. It's gorgeous. Last week, we did ten brutal truths about women, okay? That did well. Guys, you really enjoyed that because they were brutal and they were honest and they were no excuses. And actually, I was proud of you, ladies. please clap for you to see that you were mature and you understood that a lot of these things she's back and up are in fact very very true and to balance the playing field to create an even idea we are now doing on my phone i've got my notes 10 brutal truths about men which if you embrace embrace in your little talents fair ladies you will proceed and progress in life far than the average bearess.

Okay, Jessica, who always gets called out, because that's the only name I can think of. Like, I'm Eastern European. I should be coming up with the Svetlanas and Tatyanas and the Yannanas. But Jessica just holds a dear place in my heart. Okay, Rebecca, let's go. First, brutal truth about men, I'm going to tell you the brutal truth.

I'm going to tell you the stats, the reality, the brutality, and then we are going to siphon it into something that is maybe painful, but is useful. Number one, men are more likely to leave you when times get tough. The general man, the general bear is not a fair weather friend. And now, preface this before I start the podcast for the people in the back from the deep village that do not understand how we talk.

We talk in, you know, overall statements, okay? We talk in concepts and ideas. There is always a percentage that is not like this. And I hope that's your man. And I hope to God you never meet men like this, which are the majority. but this is just from studies, research and concept. This is not your man. This is not your dad. Please hear me in the back. Okay, men are more likely to leave on times get tough. When a woman gets seriously sick with something that is life-altering, one in five husbands leave. This is a

research study, okay? While only 3% of wives do the same. It is like almost 650% are more. It's been on several podcasts where they discussed this. I don't see. had an expert talking about this, it is known knowledge, okay? Men often struggle to handle being the caretaker in the relationship that is not because they're not designed to do it, but they prioritize their own comfort and needs. I hate to smack you in the face with a reality, but they prioritize their own comfort and needs when a woman can't provide what they're used to, and that is emotional support, physical connection or daily care, which is, guys, I really hate to break the bus,

okay, break the trend, break the algorithm. but men often will take wives, as they say, in order to increase their lifestyle. They do not do it predominantly, like, forwardly thinking about that, but they do do it in terms of a man, okay, will not usually put himself at a deficit in order to have a wife. Men withdraw or leave all together, and they're not, they're not like sitting there and planning it. They're not like, okay, Rebecca's now not well, I'm leaving. They start to create fights or she's not emotionally available for me or she is not physically present. She doesn't look at me the way she used to. She doesn't have the same desires for me. The woman is sick, bro. Like maybe if you helped her

from once in your life or twice, I said brutal truth. So we're coming with the brutal. Maybe she would get better or be okay. This highlights a conditional loyalty that men have when it requires sacrifice. And I'm going to stop joking and put it aside. This is not again. This is not all men. this is just a majority one in five and that shows what that often men will not be prepared to face the reality of what it means to take care of someone that a lot of relationships are predicated on the fact that she takes care of him that a lot of relationships he doesn't understand the emotional weight that she carries and when it's up to him to carry the physical and emotional weight of the relationship he crumbles and a lot of men pick women due to convenience

For example, she has a good salary or she looks after him. Men know a good thing. So often they'll even cohabit with a woman. And listen, if you're getting offended and you're a man, which tends to happen, go in the brutal truths about women, then you'll feel like it's more of an equilibrium, which was the video or the podcast before this one, okay? What are we going to do about this, ladies? What are we going to do?

We're going to, number one, not bet all our entire emotional safety on someone else's presence, okay? We often talk about financial safety in terms of like, what are we going to do if we're here? he financially leaves, have your own independence. But understand that I hope you have someone who will stay, but you have to have a network of people around yourself, like friendships, finances, loyalties that go beyond a man and his capabilities. It does not mean we're going to throw out men with the bathwater,

but it does mean that if you see that you're carrying the majority of the weight in the relationship, and I'm talking to you from an honest perspective here from the honest truth, a lot of you are, understand that he's not going to spy a man himself or Superman himself into saving your ass if something happens, okay? Choose partners who show you, this is the, this is the crux via their actions that they will come through for you and not just words, that they can handle real life, that they can handle situations that aren't exactly pleasant, not just the highlight real, oh, he got me a ring, he proposed, okay, but what did he do when you were in a

dire need for something? What did he do when you weren't at your peak, when times weren't good, assess all of this, this is the thing? Women are always like, is he choosing me? How is you going to choose me? How am I going to know if he's the one for me? Is the question that is not asked? You should be when you're dating someone, seeing if you can throw situations at him, not manufactured, but if something happens, give that situation to him. Be like, my tire is this or my bill needs this because you want someone who's going to come through for you, not just a fair weather friend.

Let's move on to point number two. A brutal truth about men. If he's not getting something from you, he usually won't stick around, okay? We think that men love like we do. men do not love like we do. There is a benefit that you usually give to a man that he is around you for. They're much more practical about it and I don't blame them. I think women should be more like that.

In fact, when I make a lot of content, somebody said to me that a guy I used to work with and a girl I know still works with that guy and he said, oh, Margarita really hates men now, huh? Bro, I'm here online telling you how much I love men and how men deserve this and that and don't nag men. How did you get Margarita doesn't love men from my content? Anyway, we move. what I'm saying is men often subconsciously ask, or very consciously ask, but usually subconsciously, what am I getting out of this deal? Women, we fly into the romance of it.

Do you know romance exists because men understood that women need romance to, like, get to the relationship? They do it for us. Men are not buying each other flowers, okay? Maybe some men are, but it's for us. It's to seduce us. So when men ask, why doesn't she buy me flowers or why doesn't she take me out to dinner? is because they do it for us to seduce us because they know that we need the romance in order to have their relationship, okay? If he feels his needs, whether emotional, sexual or practical, aren't

being met, he may start to drift away and he doesn't feel bad about it. He, in fact, a lot of men, when they're having an affair, will have a fight with their partner that they have in order to storm out of the house and leave. Why do they do that? Because then they could justify that they're not getting their needs met. This isn't necessarily malicious. It's about, self-preservation and men are very, very good at self-preservation. And in fact, I want to impart for you to be a little bit more in your masculine when it comes to that. You need to self-preserve and you need to choose what's best for you and not always sacrifice, sacrifice, to Rebecca. You can't do it. What does this mean for us? Stop trying to win love, okay,

by overgiving or overtwisting or trying to cajole yourself into the idea of the relationship that you think is best. You need to see how it benefits you. So again, with that whole American an idle situation. When you're getting into a relationship, see what does this do for me? Because you cannot always be the sacrificial lamb. You're trying to win someone's favor because they remind you of the dad who didn't want you or the friend who didn't like you or something like that. You don't exist to endlessly serve someone else's existence, okay? That is not you. You're meant to co-create a relationship with someone else. And just that, that this, all of these brutal truths should give you freedom, that he is with you for a reason. The conditioning we've been

given that men just love us and serve us and we're mercantile, disgusting creatures who just want their money is BS. It's utter BS. We want their money. We don't all want their money. I don't even want money. I'm so un-money-oriented. It's just a joke. I try and be more money-oriented. But anyway, the thing is, they are getting something from us. We have completely de-prioritized feminine assets and what women can give for men to the point where men are now walking around, like, oh, yeah, I do all this, I do all this. We give life, bro, sit down. Number three. Men crave respect more than they crave love. Because we crave love so much, we are willing to forego our respect because we would rather say a man say to us, I love her because she just is. She's just wonderful and I don't know why I love her. We cannot get our head around the fact that men would rather have you say, I don't love him much, but he is, I'm an awe of him and I respect him to the end of the earth. Most men would rather feel deeply respected than loved for them. don't want us to be, oh, babe, I love you, I'll do anything for you.

You're amazing. We're just always going to be together. No, they want someone to be like, wow, you are incredible. Like, you don't need to gush lovingly about him. You don't need to be like, oh, my God, my puky, my cookie, my chuky, chuky, you don't need to do all that. You need to feel that he is, and you're going to say, but I don't respect him, but I don't respect him.

He doesn't do anything. Why are you with him? If you don't respect him, for them, respect is tied to power, masculinity, competence, and that is what they want to feel and be in this world, okay? If he's failing in your eyes to look powerful and masculine and competent, then he is failing in the eyes of the world and he does not want to be around you. Despite loving you, he will not want to be around you. A lot of times men don't come home.

Men are always out. Men are always gaming. Men are doing this one, that one, the other one. It's their problem, and I get it. But if you want to fix it, you need to be the place where he is the hero, okay? This is a hack for you. If in your eyes, he sees himself. as a hero through those moses of your eyes, then he will be spending more time around you than he is

gaming, because what is he trying to get by gaming? The feeling of achievement, the feeling of power, the feeling of stature in the world, the feeling of being someone. If you can't genuinely respect him, do not stay for him, for you, for anyone. Choose men you could admire rather than tolerate and try and fix. This is a very feminine problem. We always try and tolerate. Fix. Oh my God, he's such a Homer Simpson, he is so annoying, that's a feminine toxic trait. And if you respect him, show it. Do you not hide it? That is a thing we've been taught. Like, don't be all coy. Don't tell him how much you respect him. Tell him how much you respect him all the time, but do not gush about your love that pushes them away, if anything I told you here. Choose to listen if you want to.

Number four, he'll let you do the emotionally heavy lifting in the relationship and not even realize he's doing it. He will let you do the emotional labor. He will not lift a finger and he will push you to the point where you are at breaking point of doing their emotional labor, and they will only do the emotional labor at the point where it is to get you, to get you in the relationship. And I often say that being hard to get, but easy to be with is the fix all of all of it, because they do their emotional labor in order to solidify or keep their relationship, and how much emotional labor they do is predicated on how much you made them do in the beginning, okay? Men coast emotionally because women often take on the role of the caretaker, comforter, and

provider of the emotional process. We are better at it. Observe small children. We are usually better at it. He might not even notice how much labor you do, how much you do over time, every day, every day, every day. What does this mean for us? Don't automatically step into the mother role of providing him with emotional comfort and security. It is not your job. You do not have to be nice to everybody all the time. We've been programmed in this world as women to always be nice, to always check in on somebody, to always know how someone's doing. I know this how. because I've been on this planet for 37 years, and I see, I see that even with female friendships,

they'll check in on you, they'll make sure you're okay, they will do their emotional labor if they care about you. Men, no, not so much. And that's okay, but don't slip into the role of his therapist or his mother. You need to be at a point where you feel slightly uncomfortable, like, am I a bit mean? That's the point you need to be at okay. Step back and see if he actually meets you halfway.

If he refuses to engage with you emotionally and fix any emotional issue, that's in the relationship, that's a sign that he's not really invested. You deserve a partner that co-creates a relationship with you. Like I said, men will step up, but only when they see the space and silence and the chasm. They won't step in if they don't see the space and the chasm, because where there is silence, this is a rule of the universe. Something needs to happen, okay?

The rule of the universe is if there is like a chasm of space, silence, something needs to fill it. And if you don't jump to fill it, and usually women jump to fill it, and usually women jump to it, then he will. And if he doesn't, that means he does not want you and he's not for you. Brutal truth, number five. Men struggle to be alone, so they move on faster or they will pick someone who is a placeholder and not the person they really want to be with. Most men, men, most mon, yep, let's go with that. Jump into relationships super quickly after a breakup. Studies have shown that widowed or divorced men remarry or start new relationship faster than women,

study upon study upon study and you're shocked you're shook you're like oh my god i i i'm in a relationship and he didn't want to marry me he didn't want to be with me he didn't want to pull his weight he he didn't want to do this he didn't want to do that and suddenly he's with rebecca again what's up with the rebecca he's with julia julia's never made an appearance he's with julia married two months later that's because he cannot stand the microcosm you know a lot of times men, I think, react badly to content I make or like that friend of mine I used to have, friend colleague of mine I used to have, who said, oh, she must hate men now. Men kind of see women having boundaries as them cutting off their access to their proximity to women,

and they need a proximity to women like a life source, like a, like ability to drink water. So every time I say ladies, respect yourselves, don't do everything that he asks. Men see that as my attack on them. Look, I'm trying to drag their wife out from the caves by her hair. Like, I'm not, bro. Keep your wife, okay? Most men jump into relationships after breakup because they know that we are life source. Like, we make children.

We are there due to the emotional labor. Like I said, in point one, if something happens to you, we will care for you. Women, when Russian prisoners of war were taken to prison in the Gula, legs, followed their husbands. That's what women do, okay? Studies show that men do this time and time again. Often, they avoid a loneliness and a feeling that no one's going to take care of them. And it's wise. Listen, I would really, honestly, love a wife. I'm at a place in my life where I've got my two children, and I am married, I've got a husband, if you're new here, hi. But the thing, I've realized how much labor women completely disregard themselves of doing, because I am.

here hiring nannies. I'm here hiring people. I am trying to juggle daycare. I'm trying to get someone to help me clean my house. I am drowning. And if only I had a wife and men make you feel like trash because I don't know, he shares his meals with you and pays the bills. Like only if I had a wife, I could cut my costs in five by just having a wife. Like someone I take out on a date and she shares my home bills and eats the same meals as me and lives. Honestly, what I, Anyway, what you need to do is not take it personally when a guy moves on after you, because I know a lot of you are crying, how did he move on so quickly? It's just a part of male nature. They cannot sit in discomfort.

Your superpower, a feminine energy, is that you can and you can become better and you can glow up. Focus on your own healing and your own self-worth because you running to a man straight away after a breakup does what? It only will take your energy for you to be with another man and do the labor for him. okay, so you do not need to do that. Your value does not come from how quickly you got replaced. Because you baby are irreplaceable. Number six, he often shuts down instead of working through problems. That's a brutal truth about men, and that is usually universal.

Many men withdraw or stonewall rather than face any situation in their lives, which are difficult emotionally because they're not used to that kind of labour. You push for connection and you push for communication, while he usually pushes to withdraw or he retreats or runs away over time, this keeps the real issue unresolved and creates a deeper, deeper chasm in that. I'm going to leave it at that. I don't need to explain it to you longer because you know exactly what that means. The female male dynamic is her leaning in, honey, what are you thinking?

What are you thinking? And the classic meme is he's thinking about motorbikes, okay? But I will leave you with this from that knowledge. Do not chase him for vulnerability, for connection or things like that. state what you need clearly one time and leave it and observe his response. The observation of that and understanding he's the one auditioning for you makes it clearer. The more you lean in or the more you chase him into the man cave or whatever it is, the further away he'll pull. They pull away in order to process feelings. We move closer. Where I would suggest you go with your feelings is

towards your friends or I don't know, chat GPT or an online therapy service or something. That's where I suggest that you go because the closer you get to him, to his proximity, to his brain, the more he'll try and push away in order to create space between you because he feels you're trying to infringe on his freedom. And the number one thing they need, these men, okay, is the ability to remain themselves and women really eat up at people's time space and ability to be themselves because we do a lot for people. So we want some kind of sacrifice in return. Number seven, physical intimacy is tied directly to his heart and not in the way that you think, as in like, you'll sleep with Jacob from work, who you've just met, and then he will be loyal

to you forever. No, that's not the case. Puss doesn't buy a forever loyalty. Men often connect love and intimacy through physical affection and sexuality, so when he's trying to be intimate with you, as in, like, intimate, like, people, he doesn't want to sit down and talk to you. He'll just try to do something sexual or physical. if sexual connection fades he feels unloved and undesired even if your emotional bond is still there

you must know that in his mind the connection is depleting just like it is for women or for for us when we feel that you know our connection is depleting but we're still sexually intimate and we're like wow i don't know what's going on but the man feels still connected to you you know what i mean right even if you many men struggle to stay engaged in a relationship that lacks physical connection So what does that mean? I heard someone say, I think it was Lauren Bostic on the skinny confidential. She just rallies and if her husband wants to be intimate. And I'm not saying be intimate with abusive men who don't care about you, who don't want to be with you. I'm saying if you have a loving husband who does everything for you, but maybe you feel like you're growing apart and he wants to be intimate, but you're like, no, I'd rather have intimacy, like emotional intimacy first. Sometimes just understand that the chicken comes before the egg and the egg comes before the chicken and it's not always cyclical, okay? Recognize that for men, it is linked to them feeling seen and needed, and it's like a physical proof of their love. Don't weaponize it or dismiss its importance because then that gets into the female toxic

area. But also, remember, you're not required to sacrifice yourself, okay? So that's what we're talking about. We're not talking about self-sacrifice. Okay? Okay. Number eight, brutal truth about men, you can't change him. Yeah.

Let's sit on that. one. Because I know all we want to do is catch a man and change him. That's not what you think you want to do, but you want to catch a man and change him. And that was in last week's episode. No amount of love, effort, inspiration, aspiration, or anything can make a man change if he genuinely doesn't want to. Even down to if he says he'll quit porn for you, usually, I'm just saying this is an example because I heard Dr. Kay talking about it. A person wants to change himself, needs to want to change himself, his diet habits, porn use, everything. If it's just for you, he will just end up hiding it.

You might see his potential and you might want him to be that, but men evolve when they decide to usually, sorry gentlemen, but from women's disapproval in terms of, I disapprove, therefore I don't want to be around you and therefore I don't want to be with you, as opposed to I disapprove and therefore I stay a nag. because if you stay a nag, dear friend, dear Julia, what will happen is he sees your staying and nagging as a form of approval. That's right. He sees staying and nagging as a form of indirect approval,

like I care enough about you to be here and nag you. The only thing they understand is moving away, okay, from them. What does this mean for us? Okay. When we fall in love, we create a fantasy. Usually women create a fantasy of who it is that this guy could be. Like I said, if he's tall, that means he's brave. And if he's brave, that means he'll defend me. And if he'll defend me, that means he'll be loyal to me forever. And then he cheats. And you're like, why did he cheat?

Okay, choose men who currently align with your values. And stop playing coach, therapist, advisor, changer, energy drainer, and try and make him his urine renovation project. It does not work. No comprende. No bueno. Okay. Nine.

His ego is fragile. That's a truth about men, especially if you outshine him, girl, we don't like that, but it's true. Men often tie their own self-worth and feeling like a man in the relationship to their ego when you are smarter than him, out-earn him, outshine him, out-perform him, which is getting increasingly easier in the modern world. As we know, there is a crisis, women outperform men, and what are we supposed to do, just not do well? No, we're not. We can't, we can't, we can't.

So it is what it is. if you trigger insecurity and resentment in him and and you see that progression then you see that kind of nasty behavior that men often do they withdraw they cheat they create conflict they fight you and this is the thing i'm gonna not like joke through this one because this is real you should never shrink yourself to somebody because what now we're at performing men so we should be smaller the men in order for them to like us but also we have sons and we have fathers and i love men okay so what do we need to do while they find themselves in the modern world and modern era. Choose a man either who's bigger than you and bad than you and greater than you if you can do that, right? That's number one

choice. Number two, choose a man who's the same as you or doesn't perform as well as you, but is secure. That's choice number two. Or choice number three, choose a man you truly love and understand that it is universe and God and whoever designed us will that they have a fragility in their ego and it's not necessarily his fault and just sing his praises and sing his respect until he sees himself in the light that you see him in. I'm saying about amazing men who you love, right? And then he sees himself because when you speak light into people, they become that. I know you would never betray me. I know you're amazing. I know you're so strong. I know look at how you came through and you did that. People react to that and that's on a real level. Number 10. Men will say what

you want to hear. They've learned that through years and years and years and years of time. Men will say what women want to hear. They know that we love with our ears, just like how we know that they love with their eyes. What do you think we're doing? Always trying to better ourselves physically. Always trying to this one, that one butt injection move. Like, yes, it's for me. I do it for me. No, you don't. You do in terms of like it's fun to dress up. But anthropologically, you understand that they're visual, right? That's why men know how to give to the gap, because they understand that we listen. Men will tell you exactly what you want to hear to avoid conflict and keep their benefits.

Do you understand? You're like, oh, I talk to him and he said that I'm the most attractive woman he's ever seen. Okay. I talked to him and he said he'd never cheat. Okay. I talked to him and he said he doesn't look at other women ever. Okay. Like, when men speak, just don't even, it might be true.

It might not be true. It's like when my toddler says he saw a purple owl yesterday. Okay, maybe. Maybe there was a purple owl. or maybe he's a toddler. So maybe the man said what he said or maybe he's a man. And what you need to do is just look at their actions. Yeah?

Their actions always tell the real story. Trust actions over words. Mute what he says. He might be telling the truth, but just mute what he says. Tune into patterns rather than promises. Patterns over promises, ladies. Your intuition is the most powerful guide. If you feel something's off, it's off.

Listen to it. If he keeps showing you through his behavior, that he is not aligning with his words, understand, he's just trained himself to understand, to say the right words. He told me this, I don't care what he said. Choose to take benefits out of everything I've told you, okay? Don't see the deficits in what I've told you.

Don't be afraid from what I told you, because to know something is to hold the power of the universe in your hands. Young sage. Don't be afraid of reality. It's all like this for a reason. or a season. I'll see you on the next one. Bye.