BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 127: The Ultimate Guide to Men

Episode Date: August 24, 2025

here is everything I know about men in one chunky podcast.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hello, my love. I hope you're having a wonderful, beautiful day. I have created the ultimate guide to men. I've compiled the most inspired and inspiring content I have around men, how to make him obsessed with you, how to grow with him, how to get the ring, how to do all of it, how to inspire his masculine energy. I hope you enjoy. Today I wanted to talk about a subject that I often get written to about and that is why men leave and can you get him back. Now, we've addressed the can you get him back factor in previous episodes and you can find that and scroll back and watch that. But this episode is about the three reasons men fall out of love and leave a relationship. We're going to start with the most unobvious and go to the one that I guess needs the most conversating about. So let's get into it. Reason number one, a man would leave a relationship is, and by the way, we're not talking about the obvious factors like you have done something so heinous that completely broke his trust, like cheating, etc, etc. I mean, the messages that people send me about, I don't know what went wrong and can I get him back because now he doesn't want to be with me anymore because he says I was this, that and the other.

Anyway, number one is he never truly. loved you. He never truly loved you. Man are creatures of convenience and they will often fall into a relationship based on the fact that it is convenient for them in that moment and in that situation. That is why I will talk till I'm blue in the face about the fact that you should knock our habit with a man unless he's presented you with your future options of what you guys are going to do and how you're going to appear in this world as a couple or as a family because when you're living together you're forming a family. Back in the 17th century, when you'd sleep with a woman, that would be considered as marriage.

So if she could prove that you had slept with her, aka got her pregnant, you would then be considered her husband by the court of law. So not that we're trying to go back to the 17th century, but I'm trying to say that all these cohabiting habits and all of these playing family is a serious thing. It's not something to be taken lightly. But men being creatures of habit more so than women,

it is just a fact. That is how they are. That's also why they're more easy going and easier to get along with sometimes. Women wake up in the morning and decide she's going to be a new chick every day. She's going to take on the world. She's going to change her life. She's going to, you know, I don't know, something about herself. Yes, men have that factor about conquering worlds and, you know, Christopher Columbus or

whoever your example is, but women do it in their life every day. She's trying to improve herself. She's trying to get better. She's trying to join Pilates. I don't know, she's always on that improvement journey. It drives men crazy, but he can be quite content. So the fact that he suddenly left doesn't want you, went to another woman, all this stuff could mean, and you'll understand why I'm talking about he doesn't love you

in a minute because the other two points of why a man leaves and falls out of love, is number one, he never truly loved you. He just fell into a convenience pattern. Maybe you are his first crush at university and he just started living with you. Maybe it was nice to live with you because you went 50-50 and shared. Another reason why I say, you don't need to go 50-50 with a man because you are not his convenience plan. You are not his resources plan and women will say to me, but wait, Margarita, it's more convenient for me as well. And that's fantastic.

If it's convenient for you, you do you. I am not the Bible. I'm just giving you ideas and rules to not get hurt in the future. and that is don't get entwined with somebody who you are not sure is your ultimate romantic partner. So when he leaves and it seems so easy for him and he goes with somebody else, maybe, just maybe, if you look at back at your relationship, you will realize that he did not have those feelings of love for you at all. Number two, and this one breaks my heart, is he's drained you of your resources. I often talk about feminine energy, the vitality that it has,

the weight that you carry in your relationship of you being the centre and the fire and the channel in which the energy flows and that's why you have to keep putting back into yourself in order for you to be someone admirable for your children, your family and your man to be inspired by you and if you put yourself last then there is nothing for those people to admire there is a study that shows girls with the healthiest self-esteem are daughters of who gave themselves something. So let's say they had $20, they would buy themselves a lipstick for $5 and they would also look after their family. It's not neglectful women or anything like that. But we think the opposite is true. We think that the more we give to others and we leave ourselves

in the dust like a depleted can of spam, then everyone's just going to love us for being run dry, but that is not what the feminine is loved for and worshipped for. Yes, we always do things for other people, but we need to do things for ourselves in order to be admired, in order to be, in order to give energy back, we need to give energy to ourselves. So the number two reason that men fall out of love is he's drained your resources. Usually, that's a man who's either oblivious and doesn't understand, or it's a man who is a narcissist, and that is how he derives pleasure in the world by finding people of women in this case and and and just sourcing life force out of them but let's leave the narcissist question out of it and just

talk about normal everyday guy who doesn't realize he needs to put back into you whose mother probably worked seven jobs and he didn't realize what it is to be with a woman and he has now depleted you physically mentally spiritually he is on the couch you're working two jobs. You are the workhorse. If you want to know more about the workhorse, the cow, who's the mothering energy and the deer, which is what you should be, go on to www.margarita.com in the description box below and find out about that in the 20 Feminine Energy Principles course, or my Make Him Obsessed with You course, I've got the two masterclasses, which are very curated, and I've put a lot of time into them. So I'm not going to tell you what those things are here,

because I've put hours of time into that, but check those out. Essentially, if you are the workforce archetype, you are working yourself to the bone, thinking that by doing, you are going to win love. And in fact, by being is how the feminine wins love. So you've been doing, doing, and he's been taking, taking, taking. And now you're a depleted, tired version of yourself. And he has fallen out of love with you. He has fallen out of love with you. And not, Both of you don't understand what's happened. You don't recognize yourself in the mirror. He doesn't recognize you at all. And this is not about aging. This is not about like you've aged and, you know, you've moved on in life and now he doesn't recognize you know it's about you being depleted

because some women become more amazing and flourish as they age. And he selfishly doesn't want to be with you anymore. Don't let them deplete you, whether they be clueless or whether they be a narcissist. And reason number three, men fall out of love. And that is a man who truly love. loves you. Now, I will stand on this hill until the cows come home and I will tell you this. Women fall in love. We like love. We like to fall in love. We like to give our, even if we don't admit it, we like to give up our identities sometimes to the notion of love. Look at the movies that we like to watch. Men like to watch how Liam Neeson is saving his daughter from the kidnappers, whilst women like to watch maybe an obscure love story at best.

I mean, I love a thriller and all those things, but we like the storyline that somehow this guy, like the beast or Mr. Darcy, falls in love with the girl who he's not supposed to. We like that storyline of something that's not supposed to happen. And we fall in love. If a man truly falls in love, truly it is rare, because that is not something that they are trying to lean towards and trying to find actively.

A man who loves a woman will not leave her because for them it's not on a whim. For them it's life or death. For them, they will move mountains for you. So if a man truly loves you and he has left the relationship and fallen out of love, I will tell you this right now that you need to take some ownership of the ways that you have acted in the relationship, not to salvage this relationship because, my friend, sadly for you, I will tell you this right now. it's usually 90% of the time not salvageable.

No matter how much you write to me in the DMs that you used to do this crazy thing, that crazy thing, do this clingy thing, act in these sorts of ways. And do you want to now rectify it? Usually it's not rectifiable because to make a man who truly loved you leave, you would have had to do some crazy stuff in the relationship, my love. You would have had to completely destroy, diminish and completely annihilate the trust. and the relationship you had. It often comes from an anxious attachment. I've got anxious attachment videos on my YouTube channel and podcasts on my podcast, where you can

find that on any podcast place you listen to podcasts, but it can really destroy a relationship and trust and everything. So if you with your anxious attachment, constant berating, constant attacking, constant do you love me, constant this that and the other have completely destroyed what you have and he's left is very hard to get it back because again, I'll tell you for him to actually leave as a miracle, most divorces are filed by women because women are always in the trajectory of change. Men can quite comfortably exist in the existence that they exist in because if he truly loves you, he will put up with a lot of trash, a lot of shit.

So if it's come to that way, he has made the decision to leave you, and he's told you that it's because of how you've treated him, it's because of how you don't let him this, that or the other, and he truly loved you and you recognize that, there's often not a way back because you need to work on yourself, you need to raise your feminine energy, you need to raise your boundaries, you need to start really relying on your feminine wisdom and you need to start investing in yourself and stop looking for affirmation in men because that is what's destroying your relationship. So to reiterate, the three reasons are he never loved you. Number two, he drained. you and now you're not useful to him or number three he truly loved you and the fault is to be found

in you and men will rarely fall out of love but if they do my love we must really address your boundaries self-esteem and everything else and for that there is my podcast and there is my channel so please watch that and listen to nine ways that women manipulate men and why you don't always want that for your life or for yourself these manipulations are often misunderstood and often don't work. And I don't want you to make these mistakes, maybe that's why I'm talking to you about this today. They are distributed a lot on social media. People talk about them a lot, manipulate this, manipulate that. I got into the papers because I titled a video on TikTok about how to manipulate men. In reality, that's just a title, but I would never tell you how to manipulate someone. I would just

tell you how to change yourself and, you know, make a better version of yourself so that you're track the right person, but without further ado, let's get into it. Number one is the help me, I am helpless syndrome. This often gets mistaken because what I will often say, or maybe other content creators will say, is that, or other health coaches or, you know, lifestyle coaches will say, is that men want to feel, and I think we spoke about this on the last video and podcast, is that men want to feel like they are making a change in your own. life. They want to see themselves as the hero in your life. They want to see themselves as somebody who moves the needle. That you don't need to be this powerful, you know, woman to attract a man. You just

don't have to be. Every man likes a different type of woman. But I will say this, that asking a man for his help or for his advice is a very useful way to start a conversation or start a relationship with a man because they like to feel useful to you whilst remaining free. And I've said this a lot. However, this, I'm a helpless girl and I don't know what I'm doing. Help me constantly, constantly, can backfire. Why? Because you want a man who is in his true masculine and is adequate and wants an adequate woman by his side. If you are constantly in this kind of like childish state, you will attract a man who has a low ego. He is not fully developed. He's childish himself and he needs you to somehow prompt his masculinity with being

so so helpless that it makes him feel like somebody compared to you. Now that's not what we want. When I recommend ask him for his advice or ask him for help, what I'm actually recommending is when you want to talk to a man or when you want to start a conversation or when you want to get on his good side, as opposed to initiating everything and driving the whole conversation and driving all the dates, you should ask, oh, what's the best Indian restaurant that you know? What's the best Japanese restaurant that you know, that is not helplessness. That is asking him for his advice. Let's say he's a restauranteur and he really loves, you know, eating out. That is asking him for his advice. Telling him, asking him for help for something you genuinely need help with.

Like, I will be damned if I'm going around hanging some kind of heavy mirror on my wall. That is not pretending to be helpless. I genuinely don't want to do that. And I'm a massive advocate of if you can make him do it, make him do it because we have enough on our plate ladies. But don't act helpless. Oh, I don't know how. I don't know how. Because what you're going to infringe on is his freedom and you're going to attract, and that is one of the most important things for men. But secondly, you're going to attract a man who needs to look better compared to you. Number two, the bimbo technique. I'm stupid. I don't understand. Oh, what did he say? Oh, what was that? I want to implore that I understand where this technique comes from of like, don't talk over him. Be a bit stupid.

Like be a bit vacuous, be all of this in order to attract him because again, he's going to feel so good compared to you. But the reality is, if you're looking for a man who's going to be your husband or somebody who's going to be with you, he's going to want to be looking for an Amal Clooney. He's going to want to be looking for somebody who is his counterpart. He's going to want to be looking for somebody who he can take out into social settings and be proud of you. However, I will say a note about this bimbo technique. I've got my pen out and I'm talking to you with my pen out like a teacher for some reason, but it's helping me deliver the point that you need to use in life in general whether you're

a man or a woman discernment of whether you should argue with a person about a point or not. Sometimes being the dumb fox is the best thing to do because once you disagree with a person and once you put them on the back foot of a disagreement, they will not see you as favorably as they once saw you. So if somebody says, I really like the color blue, and you're like, well, it's not a good color because red is better. Straight away, they're in the position of opposing you. It is often very good to play stupid or not know. For example, if I don't want to do something and I'm talking to a man,

well, a man who is of sexual interest to me and say my husband for me, it might be a boyfriend for you. You don't always need to become an opposition for him. You don't always need to get into a fight with him. Sometimes it's better to go, oh, I just didn't notice that. Oh, I just didn't know. because it's better to diffuse the situation that it is to always go into conflict. We're taught that we always need to be capable.

We always need to be having something to say, very logical, very just driven, and that's very good for us in the work environment, but sometimes taking a back seat and pretending we just don't know is the best recipe because it just makes you more likable. And being likable is sometimes a good thing. Let's not get it twisted. I don't want to battle everyone in my life, my whole life, okay? But being a bimbo and acting like you have no idea what's going on and you just don't know is not the right way to go about it either.

Because again, you will attract a man with a small ego who wants to look smart at your expense. And that is not what you want. You're not going to attract a high value man and quotations as you guys like to talk about because he's going to be like, who am I going to take her to? What is she going to say? This is ridiculous. Number three, that he's better than you. my girlfriend's partner is nicer than you and he drives a faster car than you. This, I'm just going to debunk right now.

Does not work. Never will work. Never has worked. I don't know who made this up. If you are telling your man in order to motivate him how Tom Dick and Harry are better than him because your girlfriend's boyfriend's boyfriend took her on holiday and how your man ate shit, this is a recipe for disaster. Straight away, take that, put that in the bin along with your other ideas.

It is not a good idea. Is it going to work on you? If your man comes up to you and says Amanda looks better than you in a dress. And by the way, she's bounced back from postpartum really quickly. And he doesn't know what your problem is. And also she's very nice baby. I know if you're listening to this and you're a woman, you know one thing. If you tell a man, your man, a story about another girl and how she looked at you funny

and how she texts you the wrong thing. And if he even dares to utter the words of like, oh yeah, but I see her point of view, he is dead to you. for like the next a few days. Like, you don't even want to know what he's got to say, when he's got to say, or who he's got to say. He took the other woman's side. So don't think that just because you compare him to another man, it's going to make him run quickly, get jealous and do better things. This is just a recipe for disaster. The other two have some merit, but number three just has no merit.

Bin it. Put it in the bin. In fact, don't talk about other men. Don't talk about it. It's bad. Don't talk about exes. Don't talk about anything like that. It's a bad idea. But trust me.

Number four, crocodile tears. And this one is a very interesting one. It's close to my heart because I'm an emotional person, me. I don't cry often, but if I am crying, I'm crying. Like, I'm not going to pretend I'm not crying. And I often advise you, my loves, that if you feel something, say something. Like, if I feel like I don't want to do something, I'm going to say it. We, as women, suppress a lot of our feelings and a lot of our emotions in order to then attack

the guy, like some kind of saber-toothed tiger, the next week, because we've just done so many things that we don't want to do. So if you feel something, say something, that is the true feminine energy, but also don't be stupid and don't be talking about stuff that doesn't matter. Again, the dumb fox, okay? So you've got to have a balance between that. Does it really matter enough for you to talk about it? Talk about it. And if not, then sit on it. But make sure it's not going to compromise. This is the key. It's not going to compromise your behavior with him. If you're going to be an angry rat in the corner, it's something you need to talk about. But crocodile tears is something that women use. I don't use it. But I know for many, many men and many women I've coached that if you use

tears in order to facilitate him to feel that you mean what you say, you will eventually turn off the gauge in him where he believes that what you are saying is authentic. Do you know what I mean? a lot of women can kind of go back to that. And if you can refrain from it, and my biggest example is if he doesn't turn up on time or if he doesn't do something, I will often personally go into the realm of anger,

and I need to control that, but a lot of women go into tears and crying and how could you and how dare you and all these things. Don't think that just because he reacted one time to you crying, leave it for when it's authentic. If you're going to cry constant, and I know this because I get the DMs and I get people who I talk to telling me my clients

and stuff that he doesn't react anymore. This is a line I've heard a thousand times. I just lie in bed crying myself to sleep and he just does nothing and he lays there. For some reason, if you overuse emotion, not that it's your fault, it just happens, men will turn it off. They will turn off their emotional connection to you. So be who you are, but don't let yourself get to the state of overwhelm where you are crying. If you're already at the stage where you are crying because of a behavior he did, then you need to understand that you're in a relationship place where you shouldn't have gotten to that in the first place.

If suddenly he's done something that makes you cry, girl cry. Like, it is what it is. But if you're crying every Wednesday, Friday and Sunday, because, you know, he didn't put the cheese on the toaster properly and you're expecting an emotional reaction, that's the problem here. If you're expecting an emotional reaction and the connection, that might not be it. Number five, using intimacy, aka sex, as a way to get what you want.

I often talk about you need to, on one hand, know how to make the man in your life very, very happy, as in you need to understand him more than you love him. That's just the recipe for a good marriage or a good long-term relationship in my eyes, and he needs to just love the hell out of you and not understand you much because I cannot explain myself to you all the time. If you don't understand, you don't understand. Just love me and do what I need.

Okay, sir? But the point of this is a lot of women say, yeah, but how, on the other hand, do I set my boundaries? How do I punish him, in quotation marks, if he's done something wrong? You need to be authentic to yourself, and this is the key. Authenticity is often the key in life, okay? For example, some men really react to your closeness. Like let's say every day after work you guys chat. Or let's just say you guys are intimate.

Like you sleep together every other day. Or maybe you cook for him or something like that. But it is within reason. It's not like if you upset your man and let's say his role as the provider in a relationship, this is just an example. He snatches the card out of your wallet and doesn't give you money that week. That's not what happens. You have some roles in your relationship which still stand by,

which is why if my partner does a small indiscretion which isn't really but he really annoyed me but I won't stop washing his clothes because that's something I usually do to run our household. However, if he does something that truly hurts me on a real personal level which hardly happens but if it did happen let me tell you there would be no intimacy there would be no washing there'd be no cooking because why I am genuinely heartbroken and sad. I am genuinely not really not. doing those things, not to punish you, but because I don't want to talk to you before we go to bed. I don't want to touch you. I don't want to anything. It's not these rules that I saw. I can't remember which American dating show I saw it on, but there's some kind of like no touch rule or

something like, you were mean to me, so now you're not going to touch me for three days. What are you talking about? There should be no, no intimacy rule or no touch rule. The only time you should stop physical affection with your partner, or let's say cooking for him, or what? whatever it is you do or talking to him, is when you genuinely in your soul feel sick in order to do it. You don't like to do it. It makes you disgusted because what they did was so awful to you. Or you just don't like them as a person right now and you need time. And in that moment when he comes to you and he's like, hey, baby, let's do this.

Do you do this? Where's my dinner? You say, do you know what? I am genuinely so sad that I can't even think about that right now. Not, or because you did ABC, the EFG, now you can't sleep with me for. two weeks. That's not the way. That's not the way. So as much as you need to understand him and know how to make him not so happy, you also need to know how to make him not so happy. And that is in the minor, small ways. Like if you always pick up his random drink when you drive through a drive-through,

don't do that anymore because he's not respecting you. So don't do that. But you can't suspend intimacy and, you know, completely derail your household, not pick up your children from school, like do all this madness because those things have to come from a genuine place. So don't use sexual intimacy in order to control anybody. It is not a tool. It is a genuine intimacy between the two of you as people, so you cannot use it that way. However, if you truly have been hurt, there is no time limit, there is no reason, there is maybe a counselor you need to see, there is a therapist you need to see, but using that to control him is not the way. It has to come from genuine emotion. six, feel sorry for me. I have no boundaries, but you need to feel sorry for me. This is a

female manipulation that I really don't like, and I talk about it so much. You have one life. You are this feminine creature. As I talk about it, life isn't always easy. You have your periods. You have postpartum. I'm eight months pregnant at the moment, okay? I'm doing all this. and what a lot of women will do is instead of taking up space in this world, taking up their rightful space in this world and saying, listen, I can't look after your 700 children and five horses and five dogs, okay? I can't do it. You need to pull in and do it as well.

Before you get angry, before you get angry, you need to say it with the lightness of spirit. You need to say it playfully, girl. You need to be like, baby, it's too much for me. I can't do it today. I can't cook. I can't cook because I'm eight months pregnant and our toddler son is really, lot. That's something I'm going through at the moment. Without guilt, without anything, sit down with

them and be like, we need to sort it out. We need to work on this together because I can't do that right now. This is my boundary. This is my limitation. And men really understand that. You know why? Because men won't take on more than they can do and want to do. Like I know some men take three jobs in order to support their families, but that is a decision they made in order to support their family. It's not that so the woman swoops in and takes one of the jobs from him. It's a decision he's made in order to be the provider, okay? But a female manipulation and what women love to do is, oh, I'm just so tired today. Can't, can't do anything. I'm just so tired. Well, if you're so tired, carve out the time and carve out the space and baby, trust me, I get tired. I get very,

very tired. I've just had hyper-emesis in my pregnancy, which is extreme vomiting and nausea. I have a toddler. I'm running a business. I'm doing this and that and the other. We might be moving house, listen, it's a lot. We're all human. I understand. And I love to complain, but the complaint is from a place of like, damn, this is like a lot. It's difficult. It's not woe is me. You know why? You know why I really discouraged the woe is me mentality and the woe is me kind of approach to a man is because you will kill your sexual intimacy. You're going to go into the role of haggard mother, haggard and tired mother, you, and he is your son. And he is your son. That is the dynamic you will go into because we use that a lot as children and maybe not so much now because we're more enlightened in parenting or at least we're trying to be.

But a lot of men were raised with a mother who was overworked and tired, maybe had a job or stayed at home and had five kids and was tired and haggard and get off me, don't touch me. I'm just too tired and I'm just so stressed and I'm just so down about myself and I'm just like get the violins out. And it makes them feel guilt. It makes them feel not sexually attracted to you. So instead of using this feeling of feel sorry for me and pity, why don't you use your voice and boundaries and say, actually, it's too much for me and sit with that feeling of guilt. Sit with that feeling of guilt, babe. Just sit with that feeling of like, hmm, I've set a boundary.

I've asked for something. This is a strange feeling. I'm not used to it because I so bad. I so badly want to be the good girl. I so badly want to be loved. I so badly want to be everything to everyone, you know. I just, I just want to be all of that. And you can't be. So sometimes you need to be a big woman about it and just set some boundaries. Number seven is I am the workhorse. I can do it all. This is the other spectrum of women. The first one is the archetype. The number six is the archetype of the cow, which I talk about in my masterclass, 20 feminine energy. principles and I really dive into it more in my polarity masterclass and that is about how to maintain the relationship and the spark once you do have a relationship if he's losing interest in you all those things so check those out on marguerite and azarenko.com and i have a bundle to buy them together which is

less i never say that so you know it's there and i'll put it all in the description boxes as well so you can check that out but this archetype of like woe is my life is the cow like she's overworked motherly and like bleh. And this one, number seven is the workhorse. This is the woman who does it all, was programmed to think that she can do it all, has to do it all. I don't know why you'd want to do it all. Like even the ant queen has all these ants to do it all for her and it doesn't reduce her value. In fact, most people who do great business or do great things have a lot of people working with them and for them and, you know, they delegate tasks. But we move on. the workhorse is a woman who's overworked, over tired, over stressed, and she just doesn't say anything.

And she thinks that by doing it all, by doing, doing, doing, doing, doing, which is a masculine trait, she will get rewarded by it from others with recognition. When she understands finally that the feminine energy and what women, what people, pardon me, want from a woman is feminine energy and this, light and this sensual juiciness of femininity. And I know you can't always have that if you're a single mother and you're working, but this is in the context of manipulating a man. So say you're married and you're together and you're like,

yep, I can do it all. I'll work two jobs or I'll work really hard and then I'll come and do the house and I'll do this and I'll do that. And you are just grinding yourself into nothingness. And it often reflects on a woman's image, how she looks. She's going to cut her hair off. not that there's anything wrong with short hair, but let's say that was not your style. She will start to simplify her life.

She will stop to wear clothes that she wants to wear. She will stop to embellish herself. She will stop to do all those things that make her feel glorified in her femininity in order to just keep on working because she feels like some kind of reward, like heaven and Christianity or something. I don't know. She feels like once she has martyed herself enough, everyone will recognize her. but sadly that's not the case.

People, the world, and especially men, recognize women who can take up space and love themselves because value is given to those who give themselves value. People only talk well about women who are the workhorse and sacrifice themselves and never did anything after they die, basically. They just go, oh yeah, she was a really good woman, yeah, my mum, she worked so hard. Not my personal mum, by the way. My mom really knows how to take up space.

My mom would give Beyonce a run for her money of how much queen energy she has and how much space she takes up, which is, I guess, where I got this point from, but no one's going to glorify you from doing, doing, doing. It's just not going to happen. That's what I'm going to say. So ask people for help. Number eight, I'm leading you, but daily in every argument. I will say it's very, very important to set a boundary of, if you A, B, C, D, FG, somewhere in your conversation of a long-term relationship, if you A, B, C, V, FG, I won't be able to be with you and I will leave you. What is that for you? I don't know. He hits you, he Falanders, he disrespects your dog, I don't know what that is for you. For me, I have some things. Where I have said, once, not every day, not on the daily, but I've communicated the message to the men I've been with,

and specifically my husband, especially my husband, pardon me, that these things, I, as much as I'd want to look past, I won't be able to. So you do that, you'll lose me. And I know what he wouldn't be able to look past either. This isn't just a feminine thing. It's a masculine thing too. I know his boundaries, he knows mine, but we don't talk about it. We don't go on about it. If you're the type of woman who is constantly saying you're going to leave because of a behavior, baby girl, you are the reason why the person who is with you does not change. Even if you want the ring, like we talked about in last episode, if you want the ring on your finger, and you're always nagging him about it, and you're always like, I won't be able to be with you,

I'm going to leave, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah. But you're not leaving. He understands that it's not a thing for you. You're tricking yourself. You're tricking him. Things need to be understood and communicated once and clearly. I want to be married. I am 29 years old. I want to have three kids. God willing. If that's not you, that's absolutely. fine. But if you don't let me know within a year, then on mutual ground, I am off, you know, it's no problem for me. And you need to let people know like that, because you are a prize, my love. You are a prize in terms of the fact that you were born. People raised you. If you ever raised children, you understand how much hard work that is to put into actually raising someone and

effort and all your ancestors that came before you and everything. So you're a prize, not because you are more special than any human being, but because life is precious. It is a prize to have life. So you don't need to cling onto Jeff over here, who doesn't know if you're the one for him? Let Jeff go, because maybe he's meant to be with Mary, and the one you're meant to be with is just waiting around the corner. And in every argument, if you're threatening to leave, you are losing the power in your voice. It is literally the most power-reducing thing that you can say, if you say it often. Do not do it. Do not use a divorce word. don't do it because you will lose with that manipulation.

Number nine, one that is near and dear to me, blowing hot and cold. I made a TikTok that said, if you're always consistent and you're always the same in your relationship, you are losing out. Why? Because you are building a level of love and intimacy that might make your desire part suffer. and I said, like, if you're always texting your husband 500 times a day, then maybe one day delve into work, go to the cinema with your friends, do something else for your life. Don't always be consistent in how you act,

because in being consistent in how you act, and always being at Isbek and call, it denotes to me that you might not have very much of a life of your own. People are busy, people who have value, value their own time. When you're doing your yoga, you're going to your gym, put your phone away. When you're pushing the shopping trolley, don't be trying to text in with one arm while your kid is crying. I am guilty of these things. I'm talking to myself as much as I'm talking to you because we're used to being so subservient to people and what they need from us, that we're not there and present in our own life.

Don't always reply to everyone. This is for friends as well. Don't always be jumping on everything. Have some kind of, I don't know, demeanor about you of. your time being precious and what a lot of people misunderstand that as as blowing hot and cold like on purpose like one day i'll be sitting there sulking and the next day i'll be there and happy it only works if it's genuine and that is your genuine emotion and i'm a big advocate for adhering to your genuine emotion in the moment but i'm not an advocate for pretending to blow

hot and cold because if you've got a mature masculine man who is basically in his he's secure in his attachment, he will very quickly get bored of you and just lose attraction to you. However, if you've got a man who is avoidant or a man who is anxious, this blowing hot and cold on purpose is going to work really well on him because that is part of his trauma and how he was raised. So if you got one of those, keep going, girl, I wouldn't recommend it. But if you want a secure man, don't pretend to blow hot and cold, don't play games, be authentic because you want that secure man in your life, but don't also be at his back and call constantly, constantly, constantly. Anyway, let me know in one of my posts, DM me. Let's talk about it. Leave a review

on this. Leave me a comment. Are you guilty of these manipulations? And if you're a man, have they worked on you? Let me know how you feel. If you are ready, I will impart some wisdom on you right about now. I'm going to tell you what I wish I knew in my 20s about men. that I know now had I known then my life would have been a lot easier maybe not easier I don't know maybe we're meant to just experience these things as they happen but let me tell you these are the things that I wish I knew I don't know how many there will be it will be in the title the amount of things will be in the title but here I am in my 30s about to impart that wisdom so let's get into it Number one, doing more for them does not equal them valuing you more.

Let's pause for a second. Doing more for them does not equal them valuing you more. There is this juxtaposition of ideas here because normally when we do more at school, when we do more for our friends, when we do more in life, more value comes out of it. But unlike normal things, men are not the same. they are not the same sometimes they take from the fact that you are doing more for them not the fact that you are more valuable but the fact that they are more valuable what they see in your actions and doing more let's say you're cooking for them you're looking after them you're calling them you're making sure their mental health is mental healthing from that they do not take the fact

that you are valuable they don't see those actions as you are amazing or you are like them, they see these actions as, I must deserve them. That is the male mindset that I must deserve them if she is doing them because men do not do things for people they don't see value in. So your doingness is adding to his valueness. Do you know what I'm saying? For those of you listening to this and watching this, I want to make a note. I'm two months postpartum and after I have my children, I get thyroiditis, which is like high. hyperthyroid. So if I'm talking a little bit faster, I get my blood test results next week. If I'm a little bit more excited about this, it's my thyroid talking, okay, but the facts are still facting.

The facts are still real. The thyroid might be doing the excitement, but the facts are still real. Number two, valuing yourself and putting yourself first and putting a high price on your time does make men value you more. So you might be thinking, so, okay, me doing things for him does not make him value me. What does Margarita? I'm telling you. Fact number two that I wish I knew in my 20s is men value you through the paradigm of the amount of time and effort you put into yourself. Have you ever seen the amount of time and effort a man puts into his car, the old banger that he redos and reframes and does all these things and make sure it's parked in the room.

right garage and make sure it's shine shoe do do do do I know no car terminology so I don't know what I'm saying but what I am saying is in the man's mind the thing that holds value is a thing that time money effort and energy is spent on so when he is assessing you and you're putting a lot of time into him and nothing into yourself do do he's done the calculation and men in the comments are going to deny this because they don't want you to know this truth and this fact but it is the truth and it is the facts of life, they will calculate that you are not worth valuing much, even if you are the best thing since sliced bread. Even if he initially adored you and wanted you, the value of you will go down.

And that is a shame, baby, because you're amazing. The way to make him see you differently is to actually put time into yourself. And furthermore, forget the men in this conversation for a second. don't you want to put more into yourself? Don't you want to put more time, effort and energy into yourself? Because at the end of the day, even if it doesn't work out with Gary or Brad, you would have up to the ante of who you are. You would have done growing.

You would have done developing and evolving. So forget him for a second and understand this. Stop doing for him what he's not asked you to do. Stop running around like a headless chicken and then resenting him when he doesn't value you for it. And instead, understand, huh, I'm going to put something into my. myself and in his man brain, he's going to equate the fact that, okay, she's not doing anything for me that I haven't asked her to do. Now, you're still a kind person. If you asked you for help, you can help him. We're not talking about that. Or he asked you to cook him a meal. Fine,

cook him the meal. Go, go for it. Do whatever you want to do. But the point is, you put into yourself, you want to go get your hair done, you want to go get your nails done? Cool, do it. Let's come out of the nail and hair category. You go and do your degree. You need to go do your studies. You go study. You don't drop that and go meet him. You want to see your aunt or your mom. You go do that. You don't drop everything to go and meet him. That's going to add value to you. Number three, men don't want a spicy, saucy fight every day despite what rom-coms have told you. They want an interesting woman in their life, but one who will help them see themselves in the best light. Now, that was a really long sentence, but let's check it out again. We are led to believe as women,

we're the ones who watch rom-coms or we're the ones who watch 50 Shades of Grey that men want this like spicy saucy woman who's like yeah whatever don't tell me nah nah and then he'll chase you and then somehow make you succumb to his will and you know this is all the like pride and prejudice and all that kind of notion that we get if you find a man you really like you need to be an interesting woman one that he can oppose an opinions and have some kind of you know opposites conversational conversation with. That's true. He doesn't want just like this beanbag of a woman who has no opinions, but he wants to see himself as amazing through your eyes. That's the whole notion of femininity. He wants to see himself as this incredible man through your eyes. Like when you see him,

when you witness him, these statements of like, you're an incredible man or you make me feel safe or all that kind of stuff is really important because he wants to, the type of woman, a man would struggle to leave and I tell you this many times is a type of woman who makes him feel like the man he wants to be. That is the biggest crux that you need to understand. So these rom-coms will sell us the idea that women, you know, that we want to be like this hard to get spicy woman who makes his life hell basically. And he's like, no, Samantha, please, please, let's just be together. She's like, no, because you don't like the color I like. It's stupid. That's not. That's not. what men want. And then women are surprised when they act all saucy, spicy, and psycho that the guy

they want doesn't want them back. You've got to have a secure attachment to you. And people who are secure don't go around presenting like a psychopath. The point is about someone who's secure and confident that is so attractive. It's like a TikTok I saw where it's like a nonchalant guy. She's like, oh, I hate your car. He's like, yeah, that's all right. She's like, you don't look like you go to the gym and he's like yeah I don't go to the gym and he in all the comments I've seen like so attractive by the women because people who are nonchalant and they're accepting and a bit stoic and secure are very attractive so don't be a spicy chihuahua be an interesting woman with an opinion but spicy chihuahua no number four it's not about hard to get it's about hard to get

but easy to be with you know what I mean you are not hard to get by proxy of you acting hard to get and being an asshole. You are hard to get by the fact that you've got a busy life, but when you are with him, you're easy to be with. If you can master hard to get but easy to be with, all men will be yours. Let me tell you, because the experience of being with the feminine

or being with the woman you want for a man is all about, you know, fun, it's playfulness, the idea of preserving femininity as you grow, up. We don't age. We grow up, okay? Is about maintaining playfulness. A lot of times, playfulness is like beaten out of women in society. And I get why life gets hard with children and everything and it just gets tiring. If you can maintain your playfulness, girl, you can maintain your femininity and your youth in so many ways.

Being easy to be with is really hard for a lot of women because they build resentment from how a man treats them and by proxy of building that resentment they want him to know how much he's annoyed her and hurt her when he's with her so they do this thing where they're always available whenever he knocks or calls at 4 a.m whatever but when he does arrive they switch on this like bitchy demeanour and i love a bitchy demeanour that's cool i love it i love a bitchy gal but if you're going to be easy to be to get it basically can contact you at any point and see you and that's not a problem but at the same time you're going to be just a dickhead to be with that's not how you get people enamoured with you and that's not how you feel good about yourself

either and that's the bottom line of all these things that I wish I knew in my 20s anyway like what is the point of me just waiting on the phone for him to contact me and want to hang out with me and then when I do see him I'm like, yeah, didn't want to see me last week. Bet you are busy doing do, da, da, do. No, it's not about that. It's like this. Build your life. If he doesn't fit into it because he's always last minute, then he's going to fall away anyway. If he does make time to see you, see him when you're happy to see him. See him when you're in your flow and your good energy. It's not going to make him change. I know what you're thinking. You're like, but Margarita, how is it going to make him know that he shouldn't contact me last minute? Well, say it,

like a big woman with your chest. Say, I really don't like it when you contact me last minute. So if you want to see me, let me know in advance and drop it there. You don't need to be hard to be with. Be easy to be with. Think about it in friendships. Like, if you didn't return your girlfriend's call because you were so busy, genuinely. And people can be genuinely busy.

You need to understand that men aren't like against us. It's like not an oppositional force, right? So if he was genuinely like with his family or something and then you were just this angry raccoon at him and. so annoying to be with and just weird. Is that going to make you want to be with him? Would that make you want to be with a friend of yours? Imagine you didn't reply to her and she's like,

all right, whatever. You didn't reply to me. So why would I hang out with you? But yeah, let's see each other anyway, but you're such a shit friend. No, miss me with that. Number five is, if you're confident, you will be attractive to him.

Confidence means knowing your product has value. And by that, I mean, I see a lot of DMs from you guys, from women. talking about, but how do I mention that I want to get married or how do I mention I want a long-term relationship? You're acting like you're the biggest piece of trash at the bin that all the juices from the bin and the trash and everything has gone down to and you're just like stuck to the bottom of the bin. You're acting like people would be disgusted at the notion of being around you or being with you and you're like, how do I let him know that I want a relationship with me, the piece of

trash at the bottom of the bin. I'm so disgusting. How do I know that me, this disgusting bin trash wants to get married? Babe, understand that your product, aka you, has value. Have you ever gone into a luxury store? And people are like, I'm so sorry, this disgusting bag. I know. How do I let you know that we're trying to sell it? No, they're like, it's not even for sale for you. You have to get on the wait list. Think about every brand that is luxurious. You have to get on the wait list for that book. And you've got to get on that wait list for the Bugatti or whatever it is. I don't know cars, but you know what I'm saying. You've got to get on the wait list.

And if any of you come for me for equating women to objects, I miss me with that. I don't want it. I don't want to know it. This is not the place. I'm not pedantic in language and I love a metaphor. I live for a metaphor. So if you live for a metaphor, you're welcome on this channel and on this podcast. By the way, if you have not subscribed, I would really appreciate it genuinely.

from the bottom of me art, I'd really appreciate it because it's effort to make this and it lets me know that you want this content. So leave five stars, subscribe, follow. I'd really appreciate it. Next fact that I wish I knew about men that when I tell you, you will not listen, but I will tell you anyway, if you're not his type or he is not ready, leave it. Leave him alone. You will not change his mind. nothing you can do. There is no cool thing you can say. There is no acrobatic thing you can do in the bedroom. There is no boob job you can get. There is nothing. And if he is sure and you are his type, then there's almost nothing you can do to put him off. I know that's really strange to say,

but it is the truth that if you are not his type and he is not ready, you can pay him a billion dollars and he will not be sure and not be ready and it's a painful thing to acknowledge like when i was younger i thought that perhaps i can work on someone's attraction for me i just remembered oh my god memory flooding back there was this guy that i really really liked and he just did not want a bar of me let's call him david his name did start with a d so let's call him david and he was just not interested and the amount I thought about him, I think it was like an ego problem. Like I could not believe that somebody no matter what I did was not interested in me. But leave it.

It's not for you because at the end of the day, as a woman, to develop your feminine energy and to live this life in the purposeful way you want to live it, you do not want to be with the guy who didn't want you, but you convinced him. First of all, it never happens. But second of all, if that's not convinced you, this will. the fact that he didn't want you but you had to do something to make him want you what else are you going to have to do in that relationship what are you going to have to do jump through hoops or whatever and i know you're thinking right now if you're obsessed with a guy

yeah i'm willing to do that you're not because it's going to get old because your spirit and your soul is going to get so like put down by the experience that you're not going to want it anymore trust me next is kind of tailing off the last one is if he's not sure you shouldn't be either i wish i knew in my twenties that If a guy isn't sure, if he's like, yeah, maybe we should just date and, you know, see how it goes or all these things. But you're putting 100% eggs in that basket. As soon as he says, I'm not sure, you should not be sure as well. You should start dating other people.

And I don't mean like in this like, oh, just date other people, rotational dating. I don't know what the terminology is. But if he's not sure, you're not sure. Because if he's not sure about you, you're not sure about him. And it's not a tip for tat situation. but everyone who listens to my show understands that relationship and family is deep at the core of what I am trying to talk to you about. It's not just about dating. It's about moving forward, building the life you want and all these things.

And if you are trying to build it with someone who's not sure, it's like trying to build a business with a business partner who's not sure about you. Don't try and sell something to somebody who's not willing. You've got to be 100% in, hence the case for marriage, that 100% of business. both of you are in and you're in this together and neither of you are leaving no matter what. So that's the case for that. The next thing I wish I knew in my 20s about men and a lot of you DM me about this, but I never reply because I don't know how to phrase it because there is a minor exception to the rule, maybe like a two percentile exception to the rule, but mostly young men are

not ready for the relationship that you are looking for. He is 22 years old. He is not ready to be a provider and a father and all these things. Now, there are that 2% and some might say it's a hormonal thing. Men in their early 20s are very high testosterone and low in the hormone that makes men commit. What is that hormone? Come on thyroid. Give me my memory back.

I cannot remember. But if you look it up, there's a hormone that men oxytocin maybe that goes, up later in men's life that makes them actually bond whilst in the beginning they're very high testosterone like look at young men they're very fiery high testosterone they want to you know they don't get attached that's the hormone that stops them from getting attached and later in life testosterone drops and they get more of the hormone that makes them attached and furthermore they're just more ready for that in life so if you're not dating that two to five percentile of young men who are ready to wife you maybe due to religious reasons or other reasons i would strongly suggest

suggest that as fun as it is to date when you're young, if you are looking, oh, my baby's crying, I might have to bring her into the shot. If you are dating to get married, either you wait into your 30s or you look for an older guy. And by older, I don't mean 50. I just mean in their 30s. I'm ready to take that step with you. Let me get this child. Okay, I got my little handheld mammal.

She's here and going to continue with the points. When he needs space, closing the gap will make even a good guy run. This is really hard to understand in your 20s because all you're trying to do is trying to basically self-soothe. So when a guy is asking for space or running away or doing all these things like wanting to be with his friends or even communicating clearly to you, I would like more space. And instead of respecting it, you are showing up at his house being like, oh, but I bought tickets to this or you might be doing. it a lot more in his face. Like, why would you need space? I thought you and I were dating, all these things.

The reality is, even a good guy will be put off by that because healthy relationships need space. But you, as a younger woman, might believe, unless you're securely attached, that you need to close that gap because you are panicking. Oh, my God, he's running away from me. We're not going to be together. It's going to be really bad. You are trying to put a band-aid on the fact that you feel like he doesn't want to be

with you. the reality is you need to let that guy go as soon as he says i want space you to be like run baby run because number one if he's healthy and normal he will have that space of five minutes and then he will come running back to you because you'll be like wow i miss her i have assessed i've been without her it's really easy for a man to assess how much you mean to him when you are not right up close into his face and that is healthy and you both need that or if he's a type of guy who just wants to avoid if he's avoidant down to like the worst avoidant that you can be then let him go he will run away and let him run free like a bird that he is run free run wild my guy because we don't need you

here anyway you trying to close the gap will make even a good man run away from you because it's the law of attraction he says i need space he walks away a bit you're right behind his back he walks away a bit more you are you trying to grab the microphone my daughter is trying to grab this microphone. She is saying, put me on, put me on. I'm going to tell them what I wish I knew about men when I was two months old. It's going to make even a good man runaway because people want their space. Human beings want space.

Human beings need to feel autonomous and like they are in their own right and they can make decisions. So a good man will see you always closing the gap. He won't have an opportunity to miss you. He won't have an opportunity. to see you from a part of himself. One of the most times that someone seems the most attractive in life is when you see them doing something that they are amazing at,

like doing their PowerPoint or skiing, if they're really good at skiing. And if you're always behind his back stalking him, he never gets to see that from you. Number next, maybe sometimes you are the problem. Let people be who they are and do not try to change them. If somebody's not interested in you, or they are interested in you,

just not the type of person for you, if they have different values to you, if they don't want the same things you want. And instead of accepting them for who they are, you try and change them because you have the audacity to believe that everybody should live like you want to live and change for you, then you are the problem. In your 20s, in my 20s, I did not understand that. And I wish I knew that. Like if someone's always late or if someone doesn't like what I like or if somebody doesn't want the relationship that I want, I thought I just have to explain it to them enough for them to want what I want and have my values. That is not true. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. If there's somebody who isn't interested late, only interested in sex with you,

let them be who they are. Stop trying to change people. Next, pick the man, don't let the man pick you. I wish in my 20s, I knew that the idea that I'm just out there and the man that is meant for me will find me is not right. We as well. women, drop the handkerchief. We as women see the guy that we're interested in and have to give him a sign of our interest. We have to give that man a sign of our interest. How do you do it? Ask him to hold your coat. Drop the handkerchief, metaphorically speaking, smile at him, look at him for too long. There's all these ways. I talk about it in my feminine energy course on Margrety Nazarenda.com to check that out. If you haven't checked it out, I talk about these things a lot. But the point

being pick the man you want it doesn't mean you chase him never chase the man but pick the man you want give him a sign because a lot of times equality men they're not going to come up to you because they've been taught about the me too movement they've been taught that talking to you at the gym is a cause for concern so if you like him look at him for a bit too long say he looks great in something and then stop that is the way to do it so don't chase him but give him the sign pick the man the man should not pick you next despite thinking that looks is what will attract you to him in the long term if he is not the type of man that you want to be with quality wise and value wise and how he sees you and how he my daughter is laughing at me that's so funny this is not funny you need to listen to this baby her name is valentina you need to

listen to these points okay i'm telling you these points so you can understand and value what i'm saying so looks is not all there is you might be attracted to him at first, but due to the fact that you're a woman, the looks will fade real quick, fast and sharp if he does not have the same values. Like, you will put six foot into the dating apps, don't you, right? Start putting 5'8 or something. See what other men there are out there. I'm just using height as an example. He can look very sexy very quickly if he has the same values as you, wants to provide for you and just sees you as a goddess, as opposed to that six foot guy who is not interested. And I know right now you're like, no, but he's sexy.

Like I'm so attracted to him. He won't be. He won't be when you're paying for all your children and you're working two jobs. And he's lying on the sofa because he's not interested and he never was. He's not going to be sexy. Trust and believe. And number last, if you've met him and you want him to be attracted to you, so you sleep with him because you believe it will make him attached because it makes us women attached.

Because hormonely, that's how we're based. We sleep with them enough at the start. We think that we've conceived their child biologically, even though. you know intelligently that you haven't because you're on the pill, but your body's like, oh, this can be the father of our child. Quick, lock him down so that he provides for us and our children and we don't die in the cave. Despite the fact that it makes you attached and you know that, it will not make him attached. There is no amount of acrobatics you can do if he's not interested in you that will make him attach to you. Quite the contrary, my friend. If you do not do

that with him until you are ready, genuinely ready, then it will make him quite interested in you. it's not going to make him lock you down because you've done some kind of gymnastics for him. And it's not going to make him more attracted to you or more interested in you. It's just not going to. All the secrets are in here, okay? This book that I've just slammed shut for those who are not watching. Anyway, those are the things I wish that I knew in my twenties about men. Suggest another title that you would like to see next time.

Go on my Instagram. Go on my TikTok. Any way you want suggested? Things that I might teach my son about women or things I wish I did. I'm here for you and I will deliver. Hello, hello, hello, gorgeous one. And welcome back to this video. Welcome back to this podcast.

Wherever you are watching or listening to this content, I'm so grateful you are here. Today we are going to do the second part of my question and answer. But this one is more of our questions about you. segment. Last time, if you've missed it, episode 32 was about my life, my marriage, things that are going on. And in this one, we're going to address questions from you like how to obtain the ring. What to do when he's going distant? All of those juicy, fun things. So I've selected, I don't know, 10 or 12 questions that I haven't properly looked at. I just selected them at random, but I think they will be useful from Instagram. And if you want to know where the best

place to reach me is. It is Instagram. I am often on there. I'm doing the Q&As on there. That is where I am. So I love watching this and listening to this style of content because it gets me like the juice. Like it gets me the real tips from that person who's created the content. So I love these episodes. If you like them too, let me know. Go down, comment, subscribe. Let a girl know because I don't make these to listen to myself talk, I make these for you. Without further ado, let's get into the episode. In a happy dating phase, would love tips on obtaining the engagement ring, which I have, but mine is over there because I was putting cream on my face, and I'm not bothered to get up

because I am eight months pregnant and I'm not getting up for a ring. No way, no how, no ma'am. If you're in a happy relationship phase, this is the prime time, my love. This is the prime time to obtain the ring. And what I mean by that is, you know how we want a man who is very reliable and knows what he's doing and knows what he's going for and knows what he wants. In the same light, men want a woman who has a lightness of spirit. She's playful. She's engaged in her own life.

She does not traverse through the trials and tribulations of everyday life. Somehow she brings a lightness to life. And yes, that's not fair. And we hate that. and we want it real and we want all this, but the reality is, this is the real, real. That is what men want. So the time to get the ring is not at the end after 10 years of you begging for the ring, and finally he says, yes, fine, it's at the beginning.

And the way you get that ring is, by being a woman that is both extremely amazing to be with, you are the center of the joy in his life. You are the fountain of absolutely everything amazing. You bring him so much happiness. You are a joy to be with. You have amazing ideas. You laugh at his jokes. And now when you're listening to this,

you're thinking, oh my God, but I don't want to fake it. I don't want to fake it. I want to be real. And if that is the case, then you're probably with the wrong person. If you have to fake enjoying his company, if you have to fake laughing at his joke, if you have to fake a lightness and a playfulness, because let me tell you, in our lives as women,

we have enough issues like menopause and childbirth and pregnancy, which you could potentially, you know, give birth and women used to die. Fifty percent of the time women used to die in childbirth before modern medicine, okay? So, you want a playful, happy life, you want a soft life. You don't want to always live that struggle life. And if you need more tips on that, that's episode two of this podcast, okay? Of the Being Her podcast, if you're listening or if you're watching, it's Being Her on Spotify or Apple anywhere, you find your podcasts. I am there and I'm ready to talk to you. Have a happy life. Have a playful disposition. Anything that gives you struggle life, just remove it from your existence. You don't need it. Life is tough enough. And on the other hand,

you need to be a woman of boundaries. Boundaries is perhaps the most attractive and amazing thing that you as a woman could offer to a man to make yourself extremely tantalizing to him, extremely just like moorish to him. Men love a woman who sets strong boundaries. Men love a woman who sets strong boundaries. So when I say sets strong boundaries, if you're in a happy dating phase, when you've met that man,

you need to already be letting him know what kind of life you want for yourself. In the talking stages, You need to say, I see myself living in Wisconsin. I'm going to be married with five children. You're not saying it to him. You're not saying, I'm going to be married to you, and we are going to have five children,

and you're not saying that on the first date. But you're saying your likes and dislikes, and there is nothing wrong with a woman having boundaries, likes, and dislikes. And you need to let that man know. As much as we're having so much fun, I am not going to continue. I don't know, living with you, not continue.

I'm not going to start living with you. I am not going to start playing wifey if you're not sure. And that is fine, my love. If you are not sure about you and I, but my aim in life is to have those children and that marriage. So if you're not sure after a year, let me know. No hard feelings. We will part ways and I will jog on a merry way and, you know, find that person that's right for me. You need to let him know what kind of lifestyle it is you're looking for. And if he's not ready to provide it that is absolutely fine. But you need to be both playful, exciting, and at the same time have a strength to you, like a spine to you. Thank you to better help for sponsoring this video. Okay, so therapy is something that is really, really important to you, to me, to everyone as a

person right now. Things can feel overwhelming. We're exposed to so many things on social media, online, everywhere that we have no handle on, no grasp on. It is really, really overwhelming. And if you are a parent like me and you're super busy, it can sometimes add to the overwhelm when you're like, where am I going to go and now find therapy? I've got to find time for someone to look after my kids. I've got to do this, that, and the other. And this is where bed help comes in. My favorite app, my favorite destination for you to go to if you want to get therapy, I really, really, really rate this for you to go and get a therapist at your own convenience. Whenever you're ready, you can either text message them or you can video call.

Sometimes I don't want to get on a video call. I don't want to have that close of a connection, but I want somebody to talk to. And I highly advise it. The best part for me is that if you do not vibe with the person you're talking to, you can change that person. which I think to me, and from what I've read, is the most important part in therapy. So you can really connect with that person and see if you two align. Because if you don't, then it's not for you. And it takes that kind of like awkwardness.

If you go and if you drive and if you make time to see this therapist that you've heard of somewhere in your area, for you then not to book with them again, it's a little bit awkward. With better help, you just change to someone else. Nobody asks you any questions and it's fine. So if you guys want 10% off your first month, go to BetterHelp.com slash margarita to get that. Enjoy it guys and I hope it helps you with everyday decisions life or just someone to talk to. Question. When you feel that there might be something on your husband's mind, how do you act?

Well, I will tell you what I certainly don't do and I used to do. I used to always bite me in the ass. It's constantly asking what are you thinking about. What are you feeling? What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What are you feeling? What are you feeling? women like to really infringe on men's personal space, like their mind space, their head space. And it's one of the toxic traits we have as women. Because we heal through communication.

We heal through sitting down and having a conversation about something. If I, I'm a woman, and you, you are a woman, have a feeling about something. And there is a 10%ile of men who feel that way, too. They're more feminine energy. They literally cleanse their system. it is like sweat you know how sweat takes out the toxins from your body they literally cleanse their system from that conversation that is why when you go and you sit down with a girlfriend and you have a little chinwag and you have a conversation about something you feel better she has not solved your problem she has not taken it away but what she has done is let the toxins come out and that is how we heal as women so now we as women are now missing that tribe that we used to have of women to sit around

and talk to about our problems and maybe have our period circles and everything that we used to have in community and don't even get me started on the village to raise the children, don't get me started. But we don't have that anymore. So we know how important it is. We know how important it is when we have something on our mind that somebody comes with the metaphoric bucket and be like, dump it, dump what you feel so we can traverse through this and get through this. But men heal differently. It's to do with the hormonal panels. It's to do with oxytocin. It's to do with testosterone. It's to do with all these papers that I read that I can't cite now, but it's to do with that. Men need to go away and solve the problem in their own mind. Unless they've come to you,

men will often only come to you or to someone else. They might go to someone else and voice their problem because they're looking for a solution. That is why when you tell a man a problem and you just want to speak it out to dump the toxic load? You want like half an hour of really getting juicy and just really just getting to it? And he's like, yeah, but why don't you just leave the job? Oh yeah, but why don't you just tell her to shut up?

Oh, but why don't you just not talk to her anymore? And you are like having verbal diarrhea. It's almost like you need to go to the bathroom and he's just plugged up the hole. Sorry for the graphic imagery, but you know what I mean? Of you trying to get it out and you're like, I feel shit. I feel terrible.

and now I feel worse because I'm not allowed to let go of that toxicity that I feel because essentially he's just told me the solution but I don't want a solution I want to talk so when you feel there's something on your husband's mind how do you how do I act I respect the masculine need to go and solve that problem alone and if he needs advice he will come to me and he will ask me now if he needs advice about his tires I know this is just like a ridiculous example and it's not all about tires but if he needs a device about that, he's not going to ask me. He's going to be sitting online Googling or he's going be texting a friend who he knows knows about that. He might have a little moan about it, say one sentence,

but men don't need that. Let's sit together and dump that load. So what you're telling me in this question is, I want to be the orifice and the facilitator of his feeling better. But what you're actually doing is not letting him process his own emotions. You're doing the female equivalent of what men do when they shut us up and that is you are asking him to talk about it when he doesn't want to talk about it if he has something on his mind and you really can't not say something just say hey i can see there's something on your mind i'm here for you if you want to talk and then just change the subject be the happy go lucky version of the person he needs right now you've told him you're there for him he does not want to take up that space let him heal on his own my man proposed to me but now said you're

he never wants to get married, but we act married. Okay, hold on a minute, sister friend. What do you mean we act married? What do you mean we act married? Acting married is not a thing that you can do. We act like we have children. Well, you don't have children. You either have children or you don't have children. They might not be biological, but you either have children or you don't have children. We act like we have a house. Will you have a house or you don't have a house? Can you see what I'm saying? You are not married. You are not married. And people can go back and forth or we act like we're married, blah, blah, blah, blah. If you're not married, in the governmental sense, you're not married. And I understand if you're against government marriage,

and I understand if you want to go get married in a ceremony out in the bush, that's fine. I really don't care how you get married or what you do. But the point being is we live in this earth and the society where we pay tax and we have our own governmental ID and we have our own Medicare, Medicare here, NHS in the UK. I heard you guys don't have a health system in America. I don't even know what to say about that. But we have our own identity as human beings. So if you are not married, you are not married. You are single. You are not married. That is what it is. You act like a cohabiting couple. That is what you do. And whose fault is that? Your fault, my baby. Because who wants to get married? You do. So you want something and he says now he doesn't want to.

So he's walked into the car dealership. He said I want to purchase this BMW. It's beautiful. Give me the paperwork and he's not signed and paid. Anyone who gets offended by people being compared with cars, I don't even have time. I don't have time for you. It's a metaphor. We're relax. We relax and we breathe through it. But you are the one who wants that. He's the one who got the paperwork didn't sign it. And now you're going to try and convince him. I will ask you one question. What would BMW do?

What would Hermes do? What would a luxury brand do? Because you are a luxury, my love. And these days sometimes maybe marriage is a luxury. And if it's not for him, it's not for him. You need to ask him one time clearly. My love, you propose. Now you're against marriage.

Are we going to get married or not? No, we're not going to get married. Here's the ring back. Marriage is something I want. And for the next six months, you don't change your mind? Duce's. I'm not here. I'm out. Unless, my baby, you are okay with acting married, which is also fine. I don't care if you marry a crocodile. I don't care if you cohabit with a crocodile. I don't care what you do,

as long as you're happy with it. But if you're telling me that he got the paperwork but didn't sign it, metaphorically speaking, that's just a no-go. That's trickery. That's fraudulent. That's not how it happens. Stop acting married. pull back on those things I didn't act married before I was married I did many things in a girlfriend way but I moved to Australia after my husband

proposed to me from England 24 hours flight and keep in mind my mum is my best friend and I love her and I have to now raise children without her here that is a wife duty I would do that for my husband for the greater good and our goals

I would not do that for a boyfriend or an acting married situation ship no sorry anger is what I feel. Next question. Why have I always come across with men who only want sex and no commitment? Well, I will shock you by telling you this. Most men, I will not say all, but most men, when they first see you and they find you sexually attractive and beautiful, want no commitment and sex. That is what men's drive comes from. They don't sit there and go, gosh, She just looks like she's got like really good birthing hips, you know?

She could really just have seven of my children. Oh, look, look, look. She's so educated. She could really pay the bills and help me go 50-50. Men operate through their eyes and their sexual attraction. I'm meaning, I don't mean after the first few dates. And that is the issue. The reason I advise you not to sleep with men, random men.

By random, I mean, you've met them and you sleep with them, is because all men first they see you, they want you. that's the cloud that they have and that's good because they're attracted to you. You want them to be attracted to you because Margarita receives emails of he's not attracted to me, I don't know what to do. So you want him to be attracted to you.

It is a sexual relationship. So yes, they want sex and no commitment. But the fact that they want no commitment means that you just haven't crossed the line of okay, he finds you sexually attractive and now he's willing to commit to you and forsake other women in order to just be with you.

And the reason we're dating multiple people and we're not sleeping with randoms is because we cannot be sleeping with all these random people. It will depletes you. Why? Because you will get attached. You will get attached to Tom Dick and Harry. You will get attached to these random men. And you'll be asking, why do they not want commitment? You shouldn't even know that.

Okay, you find me sexually attractive, you find me attractive and you find me attractive? Everybody finds me attractive, potentially, right? Not everybody finds you attractive. Not everybody finds me attractive. We don't even need to know about that, right? But we're dating people who find us attractive. Now, the one that is going to rise, the cream that's going to rise to the top, is going to be the one who wants the commitment.

Because you don't even need to be asking them if they want commitment. That should be something that they ask. So just date, get to know people. Yes, they will all find you attractive, but you do not give them any other treatment than that of somebody you know. Go for a coffee with them. Go for dinner with them. sleeping with these people who are not ready for commitment because the way you convert attraction

to commitment is by them first getting to see you, not get the sexual satisfaction from you that makes you just a, you know, a byproduct of their life. And then they actually have to actively get to know you and then they actually like you and then they think, cry, key, I want a commitment to her. Next question. Long-term marriage, 12 years, how to rebuild the spark and keep it fun. My love, there is a two and a half hour masterclass on www. margarita Nazarenko.com called the Polarity Masterclass of 20 steps of how to keep the spark alive in a long-term relationship and how men work and what to say to him and what not to say to him and how to act and how not to act. Go there. Check that out.

Partners with different love languages. How to make it work. Very easy. I think most partners have different love languages, and it's something I used to butt my head against when I first met my husband. My love language is gift giving because, not because I'm a boozy, boogie, boogie cat, but because that's how my mom used to give love to me. She used to, and I do it to my son now, it's just like what we do. She used to buy me this, buy me that, buy me the other. other thing and keep in mind my mom was a single parent in a foreign country but she still was like

I'll find you a shell on the beach you know when we didn't have much money it was like the act of gift giving and I always try to explain this to people who do the five love languages if you don't know your love language by the way go on to five love languages.com or whatever that went besides for just give it a Google ask uncle Google and he will tell you which one it is and you look through it but the thing that people mistake about gift giving is gift giving isn't about going out and buying the most expensive thing. No, no, no, my friend, that is not what we're talking about here. Gift giving is walking through the petrol station and seeing that lollipop that that person likes because it's Habababa and they said they grew up in a certain country where they had it all the time and being like, boom, I'm going to get that for them.

It's, to me, it's the little tiny, tiny things that make you feel. And gift giving can even be free. I can be like, oh, you like my earrings I'm wearing? Here, have them. that's gift giving oh you like this thing in my house here have it it's a very cultural thing for me i think also so my love languages is words of affirmation and gift giving it used to be quality time and i've since not changed i've since become more comfortable with my own company i would say and i've become more interested in my company and i've started to focus more on my own self-development and the development of my work. And so that's taken a bit of a back burner. And also, I've had a child that means every free minute I get to myself. I'm like, free minute to

myself, yes, give it to me. So for me, it's those things. For my partner, it was acts of service and physical touch. What you need to understand is once you understand your partner's love languages, you need to know that me giving a gift to my husband, for example, and then telling him how amazing he looks is not going to move the love needle for him. So if you care about your partner, you just need to speak in their language. It's like learning a different language. So if I want my husband to feel loved, I will do an act of service and physical touch. That's how he feels loved. So you need to find out how that person feels loved and just apply that. It's not rocket science, but it's willingness to learn about your partner.

What makes a man stay with a woman for a long time or a lifetime? Now, this is a very interesting question because statistically, I don't know it off the top of my cone at the moment, but it's like 70% of marriages are ended or filed for divorce by women, right? So a lot of women don't feel satisfied in their marriage. So I suppose men don't generally not stay. What men do is check out and what men do is philander or infidelity, or they basically physically just check out of the relationship. They are not there, even though they are there.

So the question is more how to make your man loving and present. And again, the polarity master class is all about that. But in order to answer it here now, the answer is for you to be irreplaceable in his life. and that takes the study of the individual man. Some men will just stay with you because they have that loyalty gene and they're very loyal and they want to be with that one person and sometimes you see the biggest shrew of a woman. I mean, she would drive like a nun crazy and to impatience. A monk, sorry, a monk, she would drive him crazy.

But the thing is that man's just loyal and the way he was brought up. Maybe it was a church. maybe it was something that he just wants to be steadfast in that relationship and believes in being there for the children. But for the average man, you need to become irreplaceable in the knowledge of him and study. There is a quote, and I really believe in it, that a man needs to love a woman, a woman in his life, love her completely, adore her, and not have to understand how much. Because to understand a woman is very, apparently for them, difficult. I don't know why. It seems very easy to me, but apparently it's very difficult. But you just have to do what she

requires that we're having to understand because when men try and out logic us they try and go oh yeah but why do you need that why do you need this why do you need to prove they just don't get it yeah so just love me you don't need to understand me just love me and give me what i need whilst us it needs to be the opposite way around we don't need to love them that much like not not like we love our children we need to love our children like that and then we need to understand them a lot you need to understand what makes them tick or makes them upset what makes them happy it's like studying like an animal like you're darwin and you're studying this species, okay? And once you get to understand them, you can, as I see, on my TikToks, manipulate them.

And I mean this in the kindness best way, but into happiness, like the biggest happiness they can experience. And that is the fountain of femininity is being able to give this kind of, like, incredible joy to people, right? So you can do that for him. But most important clue I will give you into how to make him stay. and be happy with you, is for him to see that you see him as who he wishes to appear in this world. If through your eyes, he feels like Superman. If through your eyes, he feels like he can accomplish anything. If through your eyes, he feels like whatever it is he wants to be, like the smartest, the

baddest, the coolest. If he sees that, like true romance, that movie, if you've ever seen it, If you haven't seen it, run and see it. When she says to him, you are so cool, that is what a lot of men are missing. And that is what a lot of them go for in the side projects that they have on the side, because they just are craving to see themselves through the eyes of the feminine a confirmation as to who they believe that they are. How long do you need to date your man before you ask her money or your bills to be paid? Okay, Margarita is confused.

Why do you need your man to pay your bills? I know it's an American cultural phenomena where we're getting random men to pay our bills, but just like I say, we're not sleeping with random men. We're also not asking them to pay our bills. Because if you're here and you're listening to my content, then you know I believe in long-term relationships, I believe in family, I believe in the core of the community of that. So for me, random men paying my bills is not where it's at.

They can take me on dates. They can give me gifts, please. Of course, they can. No problem. Like before I was married. Give me whatever it is you want to give me. And women should not feel guilty when a man, a lot of you write to me, why feel guilty he bought me this?

Why do you feel guilty? How he spends his money? It's absolutely on him. But for you to ask, that's the question. Before you ask, for your bills to be paid, that is not his obligation. He's not your husband. Like, just like I say, he should.

you should not be doing wife duties, he should not be doing husband duties. He should be paying your bills and looking after you monetarily, after he said that that is something that he wants from you, after you guys get engaged, after you guys decide that it's a long-term relationship. In many cases, in a lot of my cases, men wanted to do that anyway. And that's fine, that's on them, but it's not something you should be asking. It's not an obligation that he has.

Because afterwards, you are then obliged to create that kind of, marital, as you say, we're acting married, life with him, and that is not what you want. You want to be able to date. You're going to shoot yourself in the foot. You want to stand on your own feet monetarily, my love. You want to have your own independence until you're willing to give it up, which is what marriage is, giving up their independence for that person who is worth it. How do we find that person who is worth it by not getting our bills paid by randoms? Because then you're going to get locked into that relationship with that person, and that is not what you want.

how do I find a provider man? How do you find a provider man? Is when you're going on the dates, assessing his behavior, and telling him the type of life you want to live. Like I said, I want to live with Wisconsin. I don't want to work. I don't want to this, that, that. From this question, to me, it sounds like you want someone who's going to provide for you. That is absolutely fine.

So you need to voice that. Not are you a provider, but you need to ask his values, see what he is like. tell him what you want, the biggest way to make a non-provider man run, which is what you want, if you want to provide a man. It's telling him you want to stay at home and have a couple of kids. He's going to run. And then you'll know. What should a woman do when she brings up a situation and her husband shuts down?

You know, there is a lot of rhetoric about this, about, you know, I want to talk to him and he just shuts down. I will tell you the biggest piece of advice, because I'm a talker, I'm a communicator, I can talk to the cows come home, is that you've probably overextended the way in which you talk about something and you have maybe made him feel guilty or to blame for it and you need other outsources

like friends in order to talk about it unless of course it is something he's done wrong and therefore he shuts down because he does not want to address it and I think the best solution for this kind of thing when someone shuts down child husband dog whatever

is to walk away and leave it. Because bombardment of the same issue, I've learned the hard way, I love a bombardment, does not work. You need to not become the center of, I will tell you this anecdotally, the best thing you can do is drop it because then, like a small animal,

they come out of their cave asking to connect with you again. And you can say, look, this issue is really bothering me, you know, the fact that you haven't hung the painting. Tell me when you already talk about it. It's very good to book time with men because then they feel that their time is respected. And remember, men want respect above everything. And we probably want love above everything. If he doesn't love me after 14 months, is it possible for that to change?

If you mean a mutual friendly love, then yes. If you mean camaraderie, but romantic love? No. I've said this before, I'll say it again, I've said it on my TikTok. You cannot outwork, outperform, outsource, outdo a man into loving you. Being is the center of feminine energy and doing is the center of masculine energy. And they just need to fall for you. And you'll have a much better life with a man who simply has fallen for you straight away.

I want that for you deeply. I don't know you, Selena, but I want that for you deeply. I don't want you to convince a Tom Dick and Harry to love you after 14 months, because that is not the life you want. That is a life of pain and suffering. Engagement ring, marriage ring, and suffering. You don't want that. It's going to be, man's got to really love you and really want you,

because they will traverse mountains in order to make you happy. Is it possible to maintain feminine energy while working hard and being busy? Yes, it is. if the work is at your flow and at your leisure, if you are taking time out, if it's your passion, if it's what you love, if it's what you love to do, and if it's who you truly are, and if you don't work past breaking point, then it is very possible. I work like that. I work a few hours a day, and it gives me so much joy and so much happiness, and I'm in my first. I'm in my first, feminine energy because I don't have to grind. That is essentially the difference. If you have to

grind and provide for people and someone's forcing you into that work, then no, it's going to be in your masculine. But if the work is at your true calling and at your center, then it is absolutely possible. Thank you for listening to this episode. I love these. Let me know if you love them too, or if you love them or one theme, five ways to do this episodes. And soon I am hoping I'm going to have guests. Let me know how you feel about that too. Hi, let's talk about you are stepping into your feminine energy, you've understood the benefits of it, and now you want him to step into his masculine. What does that mean? Where do we go with that? Where do we go from here? And why would you even want that? The first thing to keep in mind is, if you are thriving in your

feminine energy, and do you want him to step into his masculine, but you met him while he was in his feminine energy, then there is two things that could happen. Thing number one is he follows you and resonates with your new femininity and just explodes in, you know, happiness because he wants to thrive in his masculine also. Or the second option of what could happen is that he is not down for it. He might be in his feminine energy because it's more comfortable for him because that's where he thrives. And so in doing this,

one of two things could happen. You could have the best, most bombastic relationship of your life with both of you with your balanced polarities, or you could end up two people in your feminine energy, and that's a disaster, because you're just going to repel each other. It's like magnets. So, knowing that, going into this video,

that is the first thing. And the second thing is this. You cannot force anybody to do anything. It's like a diet. You want to change your diet. You want your partner or your spouse to also do that thing. It's on them. The best thing you can do is probably inspire them through doing it yourself and them seeing the changes in you. Do not come and say, look, babe, I've decided to be my feminine energy. You need to man up. Get into your masculine right now. Don't do it, baby. Don't do it. It's not going to go down well. You stay on your journey and let him go on his. you cannot force him. But as women, we can't deny that we do crave it.

We crave it. So this is the video for you, if you've realized you crave it, and you have enough insight and forethought to know that maybe some of the actions that you are taking are stopping him from being in his masculine energy. So let's go through those and discuss what we can do to help him shift. The first and most important thing and the hardest thing to get around is control.

There is toxic masculinity that everyone goes on about online. I mean, it's talked about till the cows come home. We know exactly what it is. You know, patriarchy, the works. But what is toxic femininity? What men have in strength and power and, you know, dominance in the world,

we have in our persuasion, inspiration, coercion. We all know the expression mean girl from school. there isn't a mean guy he could be a bully but it's usually one and he's usually an outsider

but a mean girl a group that could just destroy your reputation or make you guess like you think you're something that you're not we have this influence on the men that we are with and by you controlling him constantly and trying to tell him what to constantly do you are using that dark negative feminine power in order to convince him that he is not capable

You need to understand that by constantly pushing in his face that he's not capable, have you done this? Have you stacked this shelf? Have you done this? Have you done this? You are forcing him into incompetence and yes, there is fake incompetence in the world, but I'm talking to you because you're the woman watching this. So I am trying to help you. If I was talking to him, I would tell him another set of things that would help him. But this is for you. You cannot keep pushing somebody into believing that they do. everything wrong and that they need to be controlled and essentially mothered and still expecting them to step up. There needs to be a transitional period where you just let go and you

stop. And one of two things could happen. He could step up to the plate and get into his masculine and lead or you'll realize that both of you are just sitting there and nothing happens. But you need to give it a month. You need to give him space to realize that, hey, I've got an opportunity now. I can really expand what I want to do. Who am I without her telling me exactly what to do? Who am I without her planning, without her being in her masculine? Where's the masculine energy coming from? That is the first step. Controlling. Where are you going? Why are you going? What does that mean? Where did you put that? Did you stack the fridge like I told you to? Don't you want to see who the man naturally is? Don't you want to see who you chose for their nature?

for their truth. Imagine somebody had to control you and herd you, like a farm animal, because they had such little faith in the reality of who you are. I don't know how that would feel, but that's definitely what we do to men. Hand in hand is nagging. That's number two, nagging.

The battery died, but we moved because we're talking about something important. The feeling of constantly nagging at somebody and trying to influence them through beration is an interesting concept because it might cause them to shift and do what it is you want them to do, but ask yourself whether you want to live a life whereby you are the driver of the ship and you have no faith in the people around you,

that they might do what you want them to do, but there is not going to be an inspiration of them feeling like you are something or somebody that they want to move mountains for. And let's be honest, it's like what we crave as a woman. That's why nagging feels so bad. When you're at work, let's say when you're in your masculine energy and you're running an office or a team, you might feel quite powerful when you're like, right, guys, this is what we're going to do.

I don't want to see you guys slacking. Come on. You don't feel bad about yourself at the end of the day. You don't feel like an energetic shittiness. Let's put it that way. But if you have to nag your men, you don't know. into doing what it is you want him to do. At the end of the day, when you put your head down on the pillow and you're falling asleep,

you're not like, yes, got him to do that thing. You're thinking, why is it like this? There is something in you that isn't enjoying it. And that is because you are driving that ship. So stop controlling. Stop nagging. Let's see this person for who they truly are. Which brings me to step number three, playfulness.

if you are going to be in your feminine energy and you want to see him and as masculine, what kind of masculine man is he? What is he going to bring to the table? Let's see him for who he truly is. And the only way to do that is to diffuse the energy that we've been living in from being our masculine for so long and for him realizing that he cannot be with playful energy. The jokes that he doesn't say anymore, the playful energy that you two don't have together needs to come back.

and the only way that could happen is if you are playful, as opposed to questioning him about everything. What did you mean when you said that? Is that how you see me? Do you think I look good in this? Do you think stop trying to get into his brain and pry out the information that to him seems so pivotal? I've come from a background of that.

It's also really attached to anxious attachment where whatever value that person holds means so much to you that you want to pull out what it is that you think they see you in a negative light about. And essentially, it causes a fight. Because a lot of times when a man is in masculine energy, he just wants to make you happy. That is what he wants to see. And if you lack that playful happy energy, he cannot even cling to what it is he could do to make you happy. And I know in the comments you're going to write to me, oh, but he's not done it for so long, da-da-da-da-da-da-da. First you need to remove the wall of criticism, nagging, controlling, and deploy that playfulness. Things that he used to say that would bother you,

just drop it. I used to be so bothered by comments that men would make to me when they meant something in my life, that it would just ruin everything. I chose to take things lightly. If you love that person and you want to be with them, try taking things lightly for a certain amount of time. Number four is you have to tell him what you want, not tell him off about what you don't want. Can you see the difference? If a masculine man's main prerogative is to make his woman happy, then surely you need to understand that you need to give him the algorithm for how that happiness can be created. It's like any plant. If he is the gardener and you're the flower, it makes him happy to see you bloom and it makes a feminine

and happy to be cared for, watered, provided for, etc. You need to give him the steps, like the pamphlet to that plant. You need to give him that pamphlet. So as opposed to telling him off when he does something wrong, I want you to try saying, I love it when you, this. I love it when you took me, you know, to that barbecue restaurant. I don't know, from the top of my head. I love it when you give me small gifts.

It's not going to shift straight away, but try it. try telling him the manuscript of how to make you happy one sentence and just leave it randomly I love it when you put gas in my car it's so helpful when you live in a family life and family life isn't like you're both looking after children you're both managing the household together

we intrinsically do a lot more we notice a lot more we see other people's needs a lot more as a blanket statement not everyone's the same but let's just go with it. We're always there. Sometimes it's hard to tell him what it is we love because we're like, well, surely he should know. But often they're not as emotionally intelligent as we are.

I'm just trying to give you the manual to make you happy, as in you watching this. I want you to be happy, and sometimes you have to come over your own hurdles and push through your own obstacles in order to do so. I had them too. I was all about, yes, but he should know and why should I tell him and I tell him, give him the pamphlet.

Number five goes hand in hand is admire his actions, not his looks and his like, oh wow, you've got such green eyes. Great. He's got green eyes. Admire his actions current and previous. If you want him to repeat actions more and do them, you need to be the wit. The feminine witnesses the masculine's efforts, and the feminine puts boundaries. So when he does something you don't like, don't go on about it. Say it once, that's it.

I don't like that. Remove yourself from the situation if you must. I get a lot of you asking me what to do if a man, I don't know, raises their voice at you. You need to remove yourself from that situation. A boundary is a boundary. Your boundaries have to be very, very strong. But at the same time, you need to admire his actions. You need to be the mirror through which he sees him.

himself because biologically, women are the choosers of the men, animal kingdom, us, biology, everything. We choose the men. We say, yep, I rate this highly. I'm going to marry him, as in marry him, as in like, sleep with him, mate with him, have kids with him, because I rate the qualities that he has highly. And then at some point we stop. So if you want him to be in his masculine energy, voice those things. It might feel cheesy. I love it that you always look after us as a family. I love it that you plan this date, you know? Voice it. Adoration.

I think a strong point to make is, number six, is understand your way isn't always the best way. If your way was the best way, then maybe we should all just marry ourselves. There is a reason we get with the person that we get with. There is something he's got to teach you. It's not possible that you know the right way about everything. I like to stick in my own lane, and if you want your man to step up his masculinity, you need to give him open fields in areas of your lives. You cannot be the CEO of every department. There needs to be an essence of letting go. A good thing to ask yourself is,

if you are worried at this point that nothing will ever happen, nothing will ever happen, I think scarily enough, it's very important to ask yourself why you chose the man that you chose. And it's very important to do this exercise of letting go of control and letting him step into his masculine because it's almost pivotal and vital to find out who it is that this person is at the end of the day. What is this matchup? Why have I started not to trust him? Is it me or him? Is it me that feels the need to mother him and all these things? You need to remember why it was that you found him so inspiring. Why did you choose him? Most of the time people go, oh, he was like this, but now he changed and he doesn't anymore. So he got ruined with you. He was ruined with you. Hmm, that's interesting.

It was at time? Is he like spoiled milk? Did you just get spoiled? Or is it the atmosphere? I don't know. Very important. Number seven is the light of focus should be on the feminine in the relationship. You should be focused on you. and then he will be focused on you. It's almost like you dictate the nature of how the relationship goes. Now, just because you focus on yourself doesn't mean every single man in the world will focus on you, but it certainly will do one of two things. If you focus on you, your progress, your passions, what you love in life,

you will be like a magnet to people who want to be around you. So if he already loves you and wants to be with you, you are going to be like a beacon of shining inspiration to him where he's just trying to get into your life. it's a proven hypothesis that when women focus on themselves and can make themselves happy, men almost want to compete with the happiness that you're having from somewhere else. And I put that bluntly and almost very dramatically, but people are more attracted to people who are already happy, not people who are miserable and needy and want something from them.

And if you truly are miserable and needy and there is some issue like that, then therapy is the thing that you need to do for yourself. You need to focus the light of self-improvement, of self-love, of everything about yourself and stop focusing on him. You cannot have time to think about why didn't he text me back? What is he thinking about doing with me? If you're thinking about that so much, you're in that driving masculine energy or you're in a negative feminine energy. It's a wounded feminine, like he's going to abandon me and all these things. You need to work through it.

I have a video about how I changed my attachment. style and you can watch it, maybe it will help you. But it needs to be self-work. If you want him to be in his masculine, you need to literally, if it's a spotlight, direct the spotlight onto yourself, not on him. Because when you're directing the spotlight on him, you're forcing him to be in his feminine. He's the important one. What does he want to eat? What does he want to do?

What do you want to do? What do you want to eat? Who are you, baby? Who are you is the important question? How is he supposed to love you and admire you when you've become a great empty shell of nothingness. When you become a fan of him, what can he admire? There's a reason that goddesses are worshipped because she is the goddess of something, right? If you look at mythology, she is the goddess of something. If she was the goddess of nothingness, how could he worship her? Number eight, if you praise someone for something that they are, they will become that. And if you penalize for

something that you think somebody is, they will become that. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. it's exactly along the same lines as manifestation. Everyone has good in them, okay? Everyone that you would choose in your life, okay? I'm hoping. Some people are, I don't even understand how some people exist in this world with the things they do, but let's just say the partner you chose has good in them.

Start to notice it. Start to praise it. Start to speak light into it. Start to speak word into it. Start to really admire them. Start to believe it in your core, like manifestation, like when you start to believe in. something for yourself and then you can bring it into your life, you need to start to see beauty

in your partner and have faith and belief in them. You almost need to deploy that in order to see what happens. People can really thrive when somebody truly believes in them and praises them and sees beauty in them, especially when it's a feminine to a masculine, when she sees what he can do, when he sees his potential. Hence the wording of every great man, there's a great woman behind him. and I know it's been twisted into like, oh, why is she behind him? She should be in front. Sure, it works both ways.

But I believe that I can almost speak light into the partner that I'm with in order for them to excel more. So many times that it happens that men exceed expectation. I think many people spoken about it, Barack Obama, if he didn't have his wife, he wouldn't be where he is.

You need to start seeing the goodness in him for that goodness to be created. And you know yourself, when somebody sees goodness in you, When somebody says to you, I know you'll be there for me because you're that type of person, it's much more inspiring to be there for them, as opposed to if they say, yeah, I don't know if you'll turn up, whatever, if you let me down, you let me down. You yourself know, in your heart as a human being, which person you'd be more inspired to be there for. Lastly, number nine, I think the most inspiring thing, you know about the male gaze, how they see women.

But the most inspiring thing for a man is the feminine gaze on them. It's almost like they can picture themselves as to who they're potentially going to be in this world, the type of man they can be, and the type of masculinity they can deploy through your eyes. And in order for him to feel that is you need to show him that you need him. We've been told a lot not to do that because in our society, what's celebrated is independence. You can be by yourself. You can spend time by yourself. You don't need other human beings.

You should be able to be a man and a woman and your own best friend and literally just sitting in your house behind your white picket fence and be alone. You don't even need to have children. You don't need to have a pet. Nothing. That's just you. But the reality is we are interpersonal beings. We need each other the structure of who we are, even down to attachment style when someone is born if they are not hugged in experiments, but they suffer and die despite being fed whilst the babies who are malnourished but hugged, thrived. we are so dependent on it. So I know you've been told a lot that, you know, men aren't shit and you can do it all alone. And you can, but why do you want to tell that to somebody?

Don't you want to show him that you need him? Give him the freedom. Stop controlling him. But at the same time, praise him and show him that he is needed by you. How do you show someone that you need them? By deploying genuine gratitude. Praise. seeing goodness in them,

telling them how much they enhance your life and understanding that relying on someone doesn't make you powerless. I want to rely on my husband. I'm not going to tell this to his face, but I'll tell you. I could do it without him. Of course.

But what kind of dynamic would it make in a relationship for me to sit there and tell him to his face? What is the purpose? What is the reason? What am I trying to prove? everyone who comes in my life, I try and improve their self-worth and self-knowledge of being somebody who is worth having around and important.

And you know yourself. If somebody tells you, I need you, you're the best friend I've ever had. I couldn't do it without you. It really motivates you to do more. So try it. Try doing those things. But remember, at the end of the day, you cannot make somebody into something that they're not. and you can't force a square into a star shape by pulling its corners.

But you can certainly work on you and you can make the shifts that would mean either he steps up into his masculinity, or if he's not the one for you and you're disappointed, the right person will come in to fill that square shape. Today's video is all about respect and how to get people to respect you. Thank you for first. Let's get on with talking about how to get people to respect you to put some respect on your name. And I know usually we talk about respect in the workplace, between, you know, family, it could be in-laws, anybody, relationships. These are the few things

that you need to keep in mind if you want people to respect you and the type of person you appear to be in the world. It took me a while to do the learning on this, so I want to impart it to you so that you don't have to do the learning. The first most important thing about getting someone's respect is understanding that you will not try and cultivate someone's respect. You cannot go around saying, I want respect. You've got to respect me. You've got to understand what I say. There's this notion that we get into that we've got to demand respect from people and that is not how you get respect. People who are actually respected are quiet in the way that they move in the world. They gain respect from being a respectable person. They are somebody who deserves that respect.

People who go around putting their hands on their hips, the typical Karen does not get respect in the world. You cannot demand respect. You cannot tell people to respect you. In fact, the more you barrage people and nag people with how much respect you want, the less respect you get. Have you ever seen somebody who demands respect like a teacher or a Karen or a mum? You know, those like really dowdy moms who are like, respect me in my home. People don't respect them. People just don't respect them. The next part you need to understand is, are you respectful? Are you respectful of others. Are you respectful in the way you conduct yourself in the world? Do you prioritize people's time? Are you efficient? Are you a person of your word? Do you honor what you say? Do you stick to

what you're going to do? If you are not respectful, then you will not get respect either. It's a like for like situation. Number three, and one of the most important is when somebody does disrespect you, instead of yelling at them that they've disrespected you, you must distance yourself. A person who has respect from others in this world and this especially applies to relationships ladies if he's not respecting you your time your boundaries who you are in this world then you must pull back you must pull back your energy you must pull back your attention you must pull back your time you must pull back all those things as opposed to berating him and telling him in monologues and soliloquies and text messages and pigeons and writing it in the sky you must pull back your energy

that is the only way that you will gain respect in this world. Number four is you must act like somebody who deserve respect. You need to model yourself on somebody. When you are not sure about how to conduct yourself in this world, whether it be you want to be a sexy person, whether it be you want to be a person who gets respect, whether it be you want to be a smart person. You need to start literally modeling those behaviors.

And you might say, well, that's fake, but fake it till you make it. For example, if you want to appear smart in the world, you will start modeling someone who you believe is smart. And I am sure if you believe they're smart, they do a lot of educating of themselves in their life, don't they? They do new things. They listen to things. They educate themselves.

They move forward. They read a lot. So just by you modeling that behavior, you will also become smart. Same with respect. Same with garnering your own time and attention into what you want to do. Number five, and this is very important. People who have respect from others don't let people change their emotional state very easily. A lot of anxiously attached people like I used to be like you might be if you've

watched my previous content and if you haven't check it out with anxious attachment in mind. A lot of people who have respect from others don't let people change their emotional state. As in a lot of people can be like wood in the metaphoric river of life where they just drift reacting to other people's emotions. Don't let somebody put you out of character. If somebody does something that you really don't like, think about it. Sit back. Try and understand what's happened. Don't always react emotively. Don't always jump in and try and attack them. Basically, don't be like any show on Zeus Network where somebody says something and they start punching each other. And if you don't know what I mean, then it's good. You haven't seen the network. It's fine, right? But basically, it's a reactive type of scenario where anything that happens, everyone's doing a hunch up and they're all upset about it. Don't that people get you that emotional, which is number six. An overly emotional reaction doesn't gain respect. And I know we talk a lot about feminine energy and to be true to your emotion, but it doesn't mean be overreactive with your emotion. It doesn't mean jump down people's throats. It doesn't

mean go ballistic and crazy at people. It just simply means don't react over emotionally. Give it a pause. Give it a beat. Always remember when someone does anything to give you. give it a pause because you can still react in the way that you wanted to later, but you can't take a reaction back. Number six is don't try to be perfect. People who have respect are in no way under the impression that they are perfect people. They are just humans like you and me. They don't try and be bombastic. They don't walk around trying to be something they're not. A lot of times we're sold this idea that people who are deserving of respect. are perfect. They dress well. They look good. They do everything. No, people who deserve respect are

quite vulnerable. They say when they're tired. They say when they can't do something. And that is something you need to aim towards. Number seven, people who have respect from others. Apologize easily. If you've done something wrong, apologize. It doesn't take anything away from you. If you're always defensive, if you're always trying to protect yourself and defend yourself, people won't respect you. You have to have some valor and bravery in terms of apologizing to others for something they may or may not have done. And that gives people respect of you. You admitting that you are wrong does not take away your respect. People who have respect from others say thank you for waiting for me, not sorry I was late. And yes, they apologize. Like I said, in the point just prior for things that they genuinely

did wrong or on purpose or even accidentally. But especially if you're female now and I've been talking about this to many people, even the publisher of my new book, the new rules, if you haven't seen it, check it out. She said to me, don't apologize when I was saying, I'm sorry for being late, and I wasn't even late. It was supposed to be arriving at 545, and I said, I'm sorry, I can't be early, and she said women shouldn't apologize. And she is right, because we are culturally indoctrinated to constantly apologize, and that makes men in our lives not respect us as much. If you notice, men will say, thank you for waiting for me, as opposed to, I'm sorry I was late. if you're a woman in a relationship in a work scenario, try the thank you as opposed to the sorry

because it also has a nobility to it that you're thanking someone for waiting for you for five minutes as opposed to always being internal and about yourself and apologetic when you really shouldn't be. If you want people to respect you, number seven, I think we're on number seven, is if somebody stands you up or if somebody ghosts you last minute or if somebody doesn't show up, don't change your plans very easily. And I don't mean it in a bad way. But like I said in many, many of my previous contents and videos and all these things, the key is to be hard to get but easy to be with.

So if somebody cancelled on you, no problem. Don't berate them. Don't go off. Don't lose your call. Just be as you were, but don't rearrange so easily. So if a guy's ghosting and he is rearranged last minute, don't be like, yeah, I'm available tomorrow. Yeah, I'm available next minute.

Yeah, I'm available at 2 a.m. the next day. No, don't do that. Be busy. be about your life and fit him in, you know, in three weeks time. Number eight, don't be easily bored. Cultivate a life that's not boring. And by no means, should you communicate to people that you're bored? Don't go around saying, oh, I'm so bored today.

I was just chilling and then I'm so bored and I don't know what I'm doing. I'm so bored. People who are bored are boring. Okay, if you're bored, you're boring. Sorry, sorry, sorry, Nancy. But that's the truth in my mind anyway. So don't admit to people that you're bored. If you are bored, cultivate something to do.

Life is so short and so wonderfully like a spark, like a light in the night, like a star that just flurries and is gone. Don't be bored. And if you are, don't admit it. Number nine, don't always be available. Not on purpose. Like I said, be hard to get. By be hard to get, I mean it genuinely. Like be hard to get because your life is so full, fulfilled and genuinely interesting.

But be easy to be with. And number 10, don't always say yes. Should we go here? Yes. Should we go on this date? Yes. Do you want a sandwich? Yes. Do you want to wear red? Yes. Why are you always saying yes? Be about your own self. Cultivate your own personality. Decide what you do want to do and what you don't want to do. Be a person who, if they say they like chocolate cake, but you make the best blueberry cake, make them a blueberry cake. Don't make them a mediocre a chocolate cake, okay? Hello, gorgeous. This video, despite my recovering from the flu, you can hear it in my voice, but we are here and we're going to tell you some secrets, some secrets about men, some things that they

will not tell you, but I will, I will tell you because why would I keep it from you? I think the list might be four things, five things as they come to me, but I think it's time that I share those things with you. Hello, gorgeous. This video, despite my recovering from the flu, you can hear it in my voice, but we are here and we're going to tell you some secrets, some secrets about men, some things that they will not tell you, but I will, I will tell you because why would I keep it from you? I think the list might be four things, five things as they come to me, but I think it's time

that I share those things with you. the first and foremost number one thing I think number three is going to be most shocking but let's go with number one is that when you ask your man or when you ask a man who's not just like your brother your brother will probably tell you the truth or maybe your dad but when you ask your actual romantic interest how you look in something

or if you're the prettiest girl in the room or this is a good one, if he ever found any of your friends attractive, hold the phone, shut down the conversation, hang it up, do what you need, he will lie to you. Men will lie about this because let's be honest, put yourself in his shoes. We all know what us as women we are like, and we don't want to hear the real answer to that question

of does my butt look big in that? I guess these days is does my butt look small than that. We want the opposite. We want the big butt now. Okay. We want to know that we look the optimum best. We're better than our friends. We're better than all the girls in the room.

We look amazing in that dress. At best, the best thing you're going to get out of a guy is do you prefer the green or the red dress? Try them both on. He will tell you the truth. But on a serious note and jokes aside, don't ask men these questions. Don't ask men these questions for two reasons. Number one, you're not going to get the truth. truth. And number two, and this is first and foremost and most important, is if you keep

underlining your insecurities and my big nose and my fat lip and my weird shoulder and my ear sticking out, he's going to start noticing those things. And I don't know what game you're playing, but I'm playing the game of longevity. Like if I want to be in a relationship with someone, I want them to think of a magical, incredible, exquisite unicorn for a long, long time. So why do we point out the ugliest damn things to the person that we like because he might have not thought your ears stick out but now because you don't like it he's not going to like it and he might have liked sticking out ears we don't know i remember this so intricately well i used to know a girl who was average she was a five out of ten i know people like numericals and beauty is in the eye

of the beholder but let's just call her a five out of ten average me right normal girl and I knew her when I was like maybe 15 years old and I remember her walking into a bathroom with me bathroom store we were like I don't know somewhere with our friends and she looked at herself in the mirror and because I was 15 14 my brain was like didn't find this weird I was just observing her because I was a quieter person she looks at herself and she goes oh my god I look so good today oh my god this sweater or my lips or something she was like complimenting herself and I clocked her and I looked at her and I thought yeah I guess that sweater is really nice and it really does suit her fast forward a couple of weeks later she said something in her comments like well you know

how my hair is like really good texture and really nice well because of that I dida doda da da da she kept dropping these comments and hints about how she's so so good looking I promise you by the end of the year of the end of our friendship I was convinced that this girl was like a straight 10 out of 10 9 out of 10 Now, I'm not telling you to go in with that attitude and voice out to people how good looking you are, but the opposite of that has the same effect. You need to have some kind of conviction in your good assets. You don't need to voice them because that can come across as conceited, but you do need to stop and curb asking people, especially the men that you like, whether you look bad or whether you, how do you compare to your friends and all that stuff? you're not going to get the truth and the value of what you look like and all the beautiful things about you is actually going to go down from you keeping voicing this bullshit which is not even true it might not even be true how you perceive yourself so just let it go don't ask

those questions that's it the next thing that men will lie to you about oh should I say this one second okay I'll say this one second uh women love with our ears and men love with their eyes And I don't mean true passionate love as in like, I've fallen in love with you, and now I'll die for you. And, you know, you look like a grizzly bear at this point. And we're both 75 years old. But it is true love. That is true love and it's true romance. But I'm talking about relationships and longevity.

And what my platform is about is to help you live the best life that you can when it comes to interaction, relationships and self-perception as a woman. And if you're a man listening to this, also welcome to listen, because you might be in a relationship with a man, right? So it also applies. Men love with their eyes or they get interested with their eyes. So as much as he says, he'll love you no matter what and no matter what you look like and no matter this one, that one, the other one, I'm not saying you need to be a certain weight, a certain height, a certain dimension or a certain look. But there is a thing that comes with looking the way you were when you met him. I don't mean young, I don't mean hot, I don't mean like 25 years old, but I mean that there is some attract.

in having self-esteem. A really interesting thing happens when you start to focus on yourself and your feminine energy. If you want to know more about feminine energy, look at my course. 20 feminine energy principles. I condensed into a two-hour masterclass what it means to have feminine energy. Okay, so check that out. But if you can deploy that kind of self-confidence and feminine energy, things fall into place. Suddenly you know how to wear your hair.

Suddenly, you know your body falls into the right weight frame. for you. You might gain a few kilos if you're losing weight or you might, you know what I mean, lose those kilos if you're trying to lose weight. It will balance out when your self-esteem is right. You want to look after yourself. You want to do your nails. You want to present yourself in a certain way. And as much as men say they'll love you anyway, they might love you, but they get attracted with their eyes. And sadly, if there isn't a condition, and I'm going to say this, like the auntie that loves you, if there isn't a condition that's really depleting you and you can't help it, I would focus on the attraction and your relationship with how you look,

because that really, really means a lot to them. And I've been through things like hyper-emesis. That's where you throw up 30 times a day when you're pregnant for nine months. And listen, I did not feel like looking any kind of good. And I didn't. And that's fine. My husband loves me anyway. But I do notice when that effort and that relevance is put on the looks aspect, It moves a needle. I don't want to annoy you anymore with that. I know we all want to be loved for who we are and not what we look like. So let's close that subject.

Number three, controversial one. If he is friends with a woman who is not his colleague, who's not his realtor, who's not somebody who he has to meet because he, you know, needs to sell this drink and she is a distributor, there was either something that happened between them or one of them is holding out that something might. It's very, very rare, and men feel free to disagree with me in the comments, but I've heard this from men. So, this list does not exist from me deciding it's true. This list exists of things that men lie because either I know and I see they lie all the time,

like about the whole thing of, like, friends being attractive, or it's this one. Men generally are friends. Okay, let's put it this way. The female brain is attracted to things because of feeling emotion and... human capacity. Male brain is attracted to things because of things. Now, that's not exclusive, 90%tile, it's probably around there, 85% true. And sometimes men are feminine and sometimes women are masculine, but men are interested in things.

So usually there'll be forming friendship groups because of things, the hobby they like, the things they like to do, and all that stuff. So if he's suddenly meeting Amanda for coffee for no reason, and they've got no business dealings, and they've got no hobby in common, let me tell you, there's interest in Amanda. That's just what it is. Now, what do you do with that information? What do you do with this information that I believe that men and women can't be friends?

As in friends, as in like, I'm not going to come home one day and say to my husband, oh my God, you know what? I met John at work. He seems like a really nice guy. We're going to go for dinner and get to know each other. Get to know each other. I kind of imagine if my husband came home and he was like, oh yeah, Jessica's really nice. No, no, no.

She just started working with us. And I think, you know, I think me and her really get on. we should, we should, um, I'm going to go hang out with her. It's normally in groups, like I would be there also, but anyway, each to their own, but I would say this. If you are vibing what I'm saying, and you believe it to be true, which I know you do, because me and you are friends, what should you do if he's now deciding to meet Amanda? What I always say is clock things and don't react, don't emote, and don't scream about it. If you have a partner, he's putting himself out there to open himself to other women,

you need to consider whether you want to be with him in the first place and in the last place or not. If he is doing those kinds of behaviours, there's a part of you that needs to simply understand it and understand what you're going to do with it. You screaming at him, you nipping it in the bud, is only maybe in a nip this situation in the bud, and I always go for clear and concise communication

and then decision making. You saw it, you don't like it, you say, listen, I don't believe in this kind of thing. it makes me very uncomfortable and I don't like it. If you love me or if you like me, you will understand and not do that. But if this is more important to you, you go ahead, but it just might not be for me. When he hears that, keeps going on with his behavior, it's up to you to understand whether that's the father of your children and that's the kind of relationship you want. But I would say if a man is telling you that it's just a friend,

a lot of times it's not just a friend. Number four. And last one, men with, when they meet you and just in general inflate things and women will deflate things like body counts anything so when you meet a man and he's telling you he caught the biggest tuna out of anyone in Wyoming ever because that's where he's from or he build like the golden gate bridge somehow or he did this one at that one or the other one you know you don't need to cut him down and say he's a liar but I will say that sometimes when men say things to us that seem ludicrous and hurtful, for example, like, oh yeah, I was the one. Like, I, I've been with 275 women. Take it as him saying this. You are so attractive to me that I want you to know that by me picking

you, you are more attractive than 275 women. What he's trying to do is amplify his value in your eyes because he thinks that those women giving him the tick of approval is going to get the of approval in your eyes. Take a lot of his stories with a pinch of salt. If he was the most intelligent in his class and passed his exams, he didn't even have to study. He slept with 1,500 women and he, you know, once wrestled an elephant to death. Just understand that that's a compliment and he is lying, but he just wants you to know

that you're with the number one guy. Don't take it that he is a player and he's been with all these women and all this stuff. Just let it slide. If anything, if he was a player and he was a player and he was. been with all these women, he wouldn't say anything. So that's that. Hello, my little gorgeous spring chicken. Today I'm going to be talking about things you should never do, maybe four, maybe five, maybe six things that you should never, never, never, never do with a man that I would never do with a man that you should never do with a man, because why would we do these things with a man for a man to a man?

It's not a good idea. She sips her black coffee with a no creamer, as you guys say in America. If you are in America, listen, those of you who, who, want to and are watching this at the start of July, you must join my Become Her eight-week course. It's $50 a week, or less than $50 a week, a coaching course about feminine energy. Find it in the description box, but we move. Never do this with a man. Try and find a man because you are desperate. Or when you are desperate is more the apt version of saying it. When you are desperate and trying to find a relationship, you will attract a who, a who, a predator or a narcissist? That's right, ladies and germs. When you are trying to find someone from desperate energy,

number one, it's not attractive to people who are healthy. It is attractive to predators and narcissists. So when you are desperate, you will settle for things that are less. You will settle for people who do not bring anything into your life. And you will fall for people who are predatory. Narcissists love to be with somebody who they can manipulate, people who are empathic and people who are searching for healing. And if you are in a place of weakness in your current life and you are trying to date, it is not advisable. Get to a place where you are happy and proud of the person that you are exemplifying yourself as the character that you are appearing as, not a victim, not a broken hoof deer lying in the savannah because you will attract that.

Also, if that does not concern you and you are, don't mind a little bit of a narcissist or a privy to a little bit of a predator, you know, stalking out for people who are weak, then I'll put it this way. Nobody who is sexy, attractive, amazing, or nobody in general except for those types, vampiric types, loves somebody who is desperate. somebody who's desperate is hard to be with. They're constantly clingy. They always want your approval.

It is not something a healthy person wants to be with. So if you are a woman and you're seeking a relationship with a man, make sure you're not coming from a desperate place. Make sure you're not coming from a place of, oh, I've got 7.5 children and I need a provider. Or I'm 35 years old and I need to get pregnant. You always need to buffer yourself as a woman and a feminine energy woman at that with paradox.

which protect you. So if you want a man in your life, you should want and need a man in your life because it enhances your life, not because you just can't survive without one. If you're feeling weak and in need of counsel and attention, the narcissist will smell that out. You want to present the best of you, the most resourceful version of you, to a relationship and therefore attract a more resourceful person. There's a kingfisher on my balcony. That is quite amazing. The best way to do this is write a list of the type of person you want traits looks hobbies 6-5 finance trust fund blue eyes and then write down what type of person they would want in return okay because a lot of us write these lists till the cows come home about the type of guy that they want he's going to be this he's going to be

that he's going to be empathic he's going to be generous he's going to be gorgeous he's going to be all of these things and then it turns around and you look at yourself and your list of traits and you are not the type of woman he wants. So the second list you need to write is what type of woman would he write on his list of traits that he wants? And now there's a lorikee parrot on my balcony, okay? I just want you to know that I am snow white in here. I'm snow white in this bitch. These parrots are all coming around me.

Create your own universe of happiness and you will attract the man you want. If you want a man who's attracted to desperate women, then go about your bad self and find him when you. you're desperate. If not, never do that. Number two, never be with a man who pushes you away physically or makes you feel ick. We've never discussed this on this podcast, but there is, science has proven that if somebody makes you feel yucky by their odor and scent, that means you're not biologically compatible, even if you're not planning to have children together, because that is what this trait is for. It means your DNA doesn't match. It's still not a good idea to push through and be like, it's okay. He smells like shit, but he's a good provider and he is good

looking on paper. Do you know how many men are good looking on paper that I don't find attractive and how many strange looking men I do find attractive? I don't mean in everyday life I find strange looking men attractive. I mean throughout the history of my life, I found men who aren't quintessentially attractive to be attractive just because of, it turns out to be biology. I don't know. You know, on TikTok and a lot of places there's been this conversation and the strat trick about a few things that if he makes you sick or if you often get, what are they called? What are they called? You're now your tract infections, UTIs. It's your body telling you not to be with him and your pH doesn't match. I need you to look out for a man who's

good on paper who's you forcing yourself to be with or just because you've been with him for a long time or you like him a lot. I'm not going to name names, but I did have a partner in the past who I felt that way about. He was just really good on paper, but I was like, I see him more as a friend, but surely romantic relationship starts with friendships, but every time he'd be like trying to hug me, I'm like, oh God, please, why is this happening? And not in a major way, but like an underlying slight way, where I was trying to convince myself that it was a good thing. When another trait is, you might find him attractive and all might be gravy, but you start to get ugly around him. They say that you can tell how good a man treats his woman by how good or bad she looks around him.

When you feel sick around him, when you get ugly around him, and by ugly I mean like disheveled, like not good, your skin is dull, your hair is dull, you're just not it. That might not be the one for you. Follow the ick, ladies, you need to follow the ick. It is the smell, their total package, like for example, I know this is a bit weird, but with my partner, I don't think he smells. It's like the most bizarre thing. And I asked him and he feels the same.

He probably lied to me, but whatever. as if a man would ever tell a woman that she smells. But I just genuinely don't, like, I can tell, I can tell that he, you know, has been working out or sweats, but it doesn't smell to me. Let me tell you, an average person, like when they work out or whatever, an average man stinks to me, okay? So that is very, very important. You need to have the trifecta of being attracted to that person bodywise.

And then also soul and mind, the soul ick is like, you know, when you look at someone and you genuinely, your soul just feels at peace, being alone with them. But the soul ick is like when you don't really want to be around them alone and you would rather be with other friends, that's like, like your soul's not at peace when you're around them. Like you're trying to look out the window, always trying to get out. And the mind connection is really important when you can just bounce ideas off each other and it's like a mastermind and it's so exciting. A lot of times the mind dick is like, you're listening to him and you're like,

WTF, ick, you know, you're talking about stocks again, I can't, you know. So don't, you need to follow the ick. So number one, never lead with desperate energy and number two, follow the ick. Number three, on two, never create a codependent relationship. It's so hard for us ladies to don't do that. People who can't live without each other. It's Romeo and Juliet love. Oh my God.

Do you how good it feels being female and like being in that kind of Romeo and Judeo. scenario, we can't live without each other, you're texting him, he's texting you, you're on top of each other, like communication-wise all the time, but always, always, always mark my word, men get sick of it. They get sick of it because you start creating control in an environment as a woman. Women who enjoy this kind of like closeness in a relationship are often anxiously attached. If you haven't seen all my anxiously attached content, browse my content, especially my YouTube channel, you will find a lot there. But I'm telling you, if you're going to lead with your anxious attachment. It's going to create a relationship where right now you're like otters, thrallicking in the

water, but sooner rather than later, he's going to start to run away from you and you're going to start chasing because you're going to crave that closeness. Women who are in that kind of codependent relationship love to create an element of guilt. They love to lead with those. I've had your two children. I've had your seven children. How could you do that to me? I've done this. Why would you do that? I've done that one. You could do that one. I've given you my best years, all of that kind of rhetoric. or I've done this, how could you be looking at someone else? All of that stuff. And my question to you is this, those things all might be true.

You might be doing all these things for him. And let's take it down a notch. Let's forget the children and all that stuff. You're just dating and you're like, I move cities for you. I canceled my friends dinner for you. I've done this for you. If that is true and he takes it in and he's like, oh yes, I better be with Jessica because, or I better be good to Jessica because she canceled her dinner plans and didn't see her family

for Christmas. Like, do you want someone to be with you? because they feel sorry for you? Is that the dynamic you want, that they feel sorry for you? You don't want to be that kind of like queen, princess, whatever it is that you guys call goddess that he's chasing. You want to be the creature that he feels sorry and guilty for? Oh yes, quick, I better not text any other women because she's given up five years of her life. Oh, alas, what can we do?

Better be faithful to Jessica. You like want to be that guilt-inducing shrew. No, I don't think so. That even sometimes when you do feel like he owes you a lot for what you've done, it's better to swallow that than to exemplify that because if he already doesn't feel that you've done so much and therefore he owes you some kind of loyalty or love or appreciation, like when women say, you don't ever tell me that I'm this anymore. You don't, well, you know what?

What? You want him to tell you because he feels sorry for you. You need to have options in your life with or without him and giving somebody freedom is the key. if you have options in your life of where you can go, people you can be with, things you can do, that's why you can never give up on centers that make you happy, yoga, whatever it is. I said yoga, because for me it's yoga and I've abandoned it since having a baby because my baby's glued to me, glued, and when I've got a nanny, I'm working, okay? So that's my own choice.

That's my yoga at the moment is this podcast and creating things for you. Okay? Number four, agree to a partner that is below you. A woman and her feminine energy and her goddess energy never agrees to a partner that is Aloha because why? When we start to disrespect a guy, that's when everything goes to shit. It goes to hell in a handbasket. You need to really, really, really, really truly, truly really truly respect the man that you're with because that leads to a really healthy, masculine, feminine dynamic. It does not mean he's got to be rich. It does not mean he's got to be tall.

It does not mean he's got to be whatever it is, blue eyes, trust fund, yeah? It's just got to be something you respect. If you agree to be with a partner who is below you in your own concept, you will berate him, you will become a version of a person that nobody wants to be with, and it is about you, it is about your life story, it is about your love story, so you don't want to be that woman. Be in a partnership that degrades the both of you to unhealth and unsuccess is not the best idea. So you've chosen this man and you do not amplify each other, which is kind of like, number four point two, like an element of this concept, okay, if you've chosen to be in a relationship where both of you sit on the sofa and don't encourage each other and just delve into comfort

and ridiculousness and don't have accountability to each other, that's another version. Like choosing a relationship that is below you or denigrates how you look and act and feel and your success is not the one. You would rather, often in these types of relationships, have a Homer Simpson that is loyal to you with a beer belly than a man who is slightly out of your league. like choosing a man who is not above you in some way and is below you is that Homer Simpson effect where you're like, oh my God, nobody would want this slob anyway. So I will just, you know, he'll be loyal to me. It's from a point of, of, you know, basically you'd rather have a Homer Simpson at home

than somebody who is in any way out of your reach because you just want that feeling of security and faithfulness and loyalty. And he's not inspiring you. You are not achieving. You are not achieving new things. Sometimes inspiration comes at the cost of slight discomfort or slight feeling of unease, but it's worth it. Are you getting the worse of him because you are scared to push yourself to be with somebody who you actually admire? Lastly, women who are feminine energy and know what they want and are all in their goddess energy never suffer in a relationship. If you're suffering in a relationship, something has gone awry, you need to change it. If it doesn't add to you, don't need it in your life. That is a fundamental rule, ladies. Adhere to it. I love you lots

like jelly tots and I'll speak to you on the next one.