BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 129: 10 Life Changing Truths I Wish I Knew Sooner

Episode Date: September 7, 2025

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This is the most exciting thing. I'm going to just show a little tiny corner. I am so excited. I'm on my way to shoot this. You have no idea how excited I am. What a labor of love! Is this how millennials do it? How did Gen Z do it?

What is going on? Not like this? Like this? Seriously? Seriously? I don't know. I'm a mom. I'm not cool anymore.

which is the biggest flex, right? I sat down and I thought about it and I thought, you've had my compilations, yeah? You've had the compilations and you've really enjoyed them. Feminine energy, living your life, men, all of that. And I thought, what would I say to myself? What would be the 10 things that I could impart on you to start this September? September is a big month. I think it's a big refresher. It's a big month to start anew, which is why I'm working on that super secret special thing that you just saw the corner of that is going to be available to you in September. It's a beginning of new things, okay?

Where we are beginning new things, we're beginning amazing things, and it is so, so, truly exciting. And I want you to go forward this month. And if you're watching months later, if it's New Year, if it's whatever, even if it's a Tuesday at 6 o'clock, and you want to begin your life anew, this is the one for you, okay? This is the transformative episode. If this found you, it's meant to have found you. These are some truths that I wish I knew that could have changed my life sooner had I known them.

Let's begin at the beginning. Number one, discipline is not restriction. Most people, this is where I put my notes, I'd put my notes in that thing that you just saw, but I don't want you to see it yet. So next episode, you might see me with it. Number one, discipline is freedom, not restriction. Most people think it means doing whatever you feel like, right? Freedom means I'm just free.

I go and do whatever I want. The subject of kids comes up with this a lot. I only learned discipline and getting where I want to in life when I got the restriction of children, as in I had to be there for somebody. I did not have my own free time. I did not know how to master my time or look after my time before I had children. I am somebody who needs parameters, okay?

real freedom, the kind you want, and the biggest thing that people search for is freedom and life. If you didn't know it, read some Dostoevsky or some literature. Freedom is the crux on which people's lives depend, which is why I always tell you, if you try and make someone do what you want them to do, aka a husband, partner, or a boyfriend, they will almost do the opposite. Why? Because it is human nature to not be broken. It is the human spirit to rather do something that is not conducive or good for their lives as opposed to do something as beneficial if it means doing exactly what somebody else told you. Freedom is the number one thing. But true freedom comes from structure that you've imposed on yourself. Clear standards. Controlled inputs. Boundaries with

people. That is the essence of feminine energy baby girl. Do you not know that? I've told you this. Rituals you don't negotiate on. He wanted to see you on Friday, but on Friday you do Pilates at that time. He should know that by now. Clock it. Okay? When you stop renegotiating basics like diet, sleep, work, and self-care, which is what children gave me, but also my business gave me. Now I don't really work. Sometimes, I'll be honest with you, I said this to my friend today. Sometimes when I read DMs from you beautiful, beautiful, sexy, lovely humans, I think, let me try and remember how to relate, because what I've done is I've put such restrictions and disciplines in my life that I can't negotiate even with myself anymore

about who should I reply to, even with my own husband. Like, if you, cannot fit in my feminine schedule, then you just don't. And it makes life so much easier because men respect what they cannot easily attain. So it goes hand in hand. Then you get more energy for creation. Okay, that's rule number one. Discipline is freedom. Discipline is freedom.

Would you rather feel the pain of discipline or the pain of regret? I know what I would rather. Number two, your body is your billboard. Business, media, relationships, social media. work, your mom's PTA meeting. People read your body before they hear your words. People don't really hear your words. They see how you've treated yourself and they see how you look. Aging is an interesting thing. I love aging. It means I was afforded the privilege and joy of living as opposed to the opposite, which is not, right? So I love it. But how we look as young people is just a result of being

born and looking good at 15 years old. Great. I mean, you can make yourself look bad at 15 years old by really doing some damage to yourself, like eating really badly, but truly your body will hold out. How you look in your 40s and late 30s and 50s and 60s is a merit of how you've treated yourself. So when people look at you and you look amazing, you are denoting to those people that you value your time, your space, your health, your everything because of how you treated yourself and therefore you look good. It's not vanity, it's leverage. People say I really don't care what I look like. I had a couple of people say that to me. I wonder why you don't want that presence and that leverage in your life. Even if it doesn't mean standard beauty, sometimes a bejewed blue-haired

granny is the biggest flex you can be. It's not about trying to look young, skinny, uh, curvy, whatever it is. It's about having a way that you present yourself. The sharper and the more rested you look and the more prioritized you look. You get it. Catch it. Prioritize. You've prioritized yourself like a burkin that's not even put out in the store because they know how much value it has the more magnetic you are to other people hollywood CEO politicians all of those people know that they know that presentation is key and they stop trying to live in a world where it isn't and go no looks don't matter yes they do yes they do and not even looks as in like i look so cute but as in like how do you present yourself presentation okay listen i'm on to talk yeah i'm always in a t-shirt but

i'm part of my thing is relatability So that's that. So I'm not afraid to be a little bit messy. Number three, people are awarded certainty, not potential. Okay? Don't get chosen for what you could be. You get chosen for what you already embody. So when you're trying to prove to people that you could be this, you could be that,

I could start a social media channel, I could start my own business. Just do it. Just do it. Stop talking about what you could be. Walk into every room, walk into every video, walk into every presentation, walk in front of your husband, walk in front of your boyfriend, and walk in front of your children, like you already own the category that you want to embody, even when you're building.

If you want to be a hot bitch to the guy that you're dating, you're already walking in with that energy. I've seen it time and time again where I thought someone was average, but they thought they were hot, and then I'm thinking that they're hot. I don't know how it works, okay? That one's very simple and self-explanatory. Number four, attention is currency. In this era, a person can consistently command attention and consistently

be authentic and consistently show up. And the reason I say this is because I've never really talked about this, but I think if you're a woman, the danger for you is too much consumption. We love to consume media. Somebody messaged me today and they said, oh, you need some, and it's a lovely follower. Like, I don't care, she's lovely, whatever. It's cute. It's probably a different culture thing. But she said, you need some neck cream because your neck is a bit wrinkly. You need to fix that. And I thought how interesting that is because we are, like, I've had necklines since I was 12 years old, so it didn't bother me. But what interested me more was how fed we are into beauty standards

and that you should tell someone that, God forbid, they age, God forbid their neck has aligned. God forbid, God forbid, God forbid. Because why women are very easy to sell to? We're the biggest consumers. Men make more money, but we spend more money, okay? And when I say get on social media and get attention and get leverage into whatever, if you make cakes, talk about making cakes.

If you like to, if you think you're a good mom, document being a good mom because you could not only be a consumer, but you could be a creator. And what does a creator mean? Having power in order to sell something, in order to do something in order to communicate in the world. Not necessarily be the smartest and most talented and a superstar, but use what you are doing to create a legacy brand, okay? Treat your platform as an asset.

Protect your platform and what you do and sharpen your identity on these platforms, okay? Because it's enough, ladies. Like, we buy a lot of shit that we don't need. We try and fit into neck creams, lip, this, this. Who are you? Who are you? What are you going to teach the world? What are you going to do?

What money are you going to make? Where is your bag? Why is it always about spending your money on other people's projects? Okay? Number five, detach? Or else? I mean, there is no other way in life except for getting unbothered. I'm bringing Unbothered back on the 7th of September.

And my birthday unbothered is coming back. I've decided because I cannot take it away. It's going to come back for the month of September because we need it. The thing that drains you, a relationship, a task, an outdated belief will cost you more than the risk of letting it go. Did you hear that? Whatever drains you will cost you more than the risk of letting it go. If you let it go and it does not come back to you, it was not yours in the first place. You're chasing that guy, that job, that reality is not real.

You're making it up in your head. You're living a false economy, false dichotomy. Everything you hold onto out of guilt or fear or lack of losing opportunity will eventually. will eventually leave you anyway. Stop holding on two things that are preventing other things from coming in. The law of detachment is an art form of being unbothered. You cannot control someone else, only yourself.

You cannot change people's reactions. You cannot change how people are with you. You can not change what others do. Let them go. Let them be detached or be dragged through this life like at the back of a bus, okay? Through the bush backwards. It's number six. Your nervous system sets your ceiling. You can only receive as much success, love, or visibility as your body can tolerate with self-sabotage. It's like being in a boat and you're rowing towards success, but your engines pushing the other way because actually you are scared to be in front of people. You're scared to step into your greatness. You are scared to become your ultimate feminine energy self with which that thing that I just showed you will help you. So stay tuned. In fact, I'll put a wait list in the bottom of this video or this podcast.

register. You'll be the first to get it because there is only a few copies. If you don't mind to regulate your nervous system with sleep, recovery, boundaries, inner calm, you think I just spent thousands of dollars at a natural path to find out I've got this or that or got inflammation because like it's fun for me to spend that money? No, it's because I have to get myself through this life. I have to get my children through this life. Okay. I do not want to cap my expansion with issues that I don't need to have. I'm going to present the best version of myself, the healthiest version of myself. And I could only be as successful as my nervous system allows me, as loved as my nervous system allows me. A lot of you, anxious attachment. I was going to say bitches, but I'll be nice

to you over there. You sabotage yourselves because you don't believe that you deserve the love. You don't believe it. Do unbothered. Register for unbothered. Do it. Honestly, it's the best hundred-something dollars you'll ever spend. Promise you. The game is long. Most people overestimate what they can do in six months and underestimate what they can do in six years. How long did it take me to build what I have? And I'm not saying I'm some kind of incredible Elon Musk guy over here, right? But I am very happy with what I have.

And I think a lot of you would enjoy having what I have. It took me 2015. I opened my YouTube channel. Okay. Then in 2020, I did my life coaching diploma. Then it all came together like dots. It just materialized into existence. exactly what I was meant to be doing because I was learning all of these techniques years even

before opening my YouTube, but I didn't know that being on camera and YouTube and podcasts didn't even exist at the time and teaching would eventuate in this. If you commit with precision, like right now in your 40s, you could be who you're meant to be and so on and so forth, okay? But only if you build systems that compound. If you think and you start giving up on diets, ideas, by diets, I mean lifestyles, okay? I know I'm a bit crooked, but, I don't want to risk it turning off. Okay? If you risk all of that because you think that you haven't got to where you need to in four months,

you are giving up on a bigger legacy and a longer term thing, okay? You need to build systems and believe in the end goal. Don't jump from one thing to the other. Number eight, identity is everything. You don't rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your self-concept. You need to start believing in the myth and the brand that is you. If you identify as the hottest, most successful, most magnetic version of you, you're like, you don't need to be perfect, but you need to like fall in love with the main character that is you. You need to literally fall in love with your main character cell. Your choices start to bend to match your reality. It's a cognitive dissonance. Okay, identity drives behavior and behavior drives results. You want results. You identify as a slob as this. I said to my son yesterday, look, that thing looks like a frog. It did.

look like a frog and you went, no, it looks like an idiot. So if you think you look like an idiot, that is what you will perform like. Behavior drive results, okay? I just found it funny because he's five and it's funny to call something that looks like a frog and idiot because he's like learning bad language. It's hilarious to me. I don't know why. I grew up loving Quentin Tarantino, so I think it's hilarious. Identity drives behavior. So instead of trying to get a result, right, and work backwards and be like, this is what I want. So now I'm going to force myself to, for example, go to the gym. You need to get an identity that drives behavior. I'm the type of person, not me personally. I'm too luxurious for that. By luxurious, I mean, I'm a bit lazy. That's my identity,

see? I am happy to, for example, do elimination diets and work on my health and walk. Like, that's my identity, okay? Because it drives behavior, which then drives results. You look like your choices. You look like your behaviors. You don't force a result. You have to first identify with what that is. Two more. Sit, sit, don't leave, don't leave. Look, number nine, power comes from contrast, okay? Don't try to be palatable to everybody. I am going to be honest because I always am with you, bestie.

I used to be very polarizing on TikTok and Instagram. I just said what I want, because I didn't really care about my profile. But as it grew and I saw the responsibility I have and I saw the messages to women and the fact that it changes their life some capacity, I started to censor myself because I wanted to be, more palatable to everybody. And then recently I decided on the 1st of September that no more, alas, no more. Magnetism comes from being deeply polarizing in your truth, women who rise in Hollywood,

business, media, lean into contrast, okay? They can be soft and strong, they can be feminine and unapologetic, they can be relatable and aspirational, like me. So, for example, I like to rock around in a t-shirt with no makeup, but then I talk about feminine energy and dressing up. Okay, those are counterintuitive. They're opposite, but this is what we do. Power comes from contrast and power comes from standing out and standing on business like Justin Bieber in that car park, okay? He's a father now, so you better respect him. Number 10 is the most important one I'll ever say to you, okay? So if you're listening to this

podcast, you're listening to some real truth. Most of what you seek out there, mentors, books, or diets or information or confirmation or research or even tests, whatever, you already know. You are looking for your higher self. You are not looking for the information from out there. You're looking for someone out there to confirm your higher self. You have the instinct that you're looking for. You already know the answers.

The work isn't finding the answer. The work is learning to trust yourself and your own authority and your own intuition and relentlessly follow it and practice it. You know you are coded with the knowledge and the truth. It's already there. There is no one out there who can tell you. All they can do is give you permission. And if you need that permission, I will give it to you today.

You have permission to be exactly who you want to be. I'll see you on the next one. Bye.