BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 132: 40 Harsh Truths About Men I’ve Learned From Coaching Women for 7 Years

Episode Date: September 28, 2025

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Hello and welcome to the Being Her podcast. Today I'm going to tell you 40 things I learned from coaching women about feminine energy and relationships in about seven years. Not only have I coached women for seven years, but I have also been a woman for 30-something years. I have also been on this world as a woman and I am flooded constantly with DMs and people's situations, situationships and have been discussing with you and everybody the things that it entails to be a woman and what it means in this world, okay? So these are 40 things. Sit down, get a cup of tea or coffee. I've got my coffee here. It is black with no sugar and no milk. And also, for those of you who are interested, my her journal is finally here. She is wine red, burgundy, gorgeous, delicious,

with gold writing. The side over there has got a gold seam. She's got a little red tail, and it is, harness your feminine energy in 90 days. I am not going to sell it to you because it sells itself. If you didn't see it and you are listening, go on to margarita Nazarenko.com and check her out. And also this month, we have unbothered the groundbreaking, if I do say so myself, masterclass. You guys loved it. I brought it back just for September. It finishes at the end of this month. Let's get into these 40 things so I don't waste your time because you're out in these streets, dating men, being with men and you need to know these things. Number one, and these are going to be quick because there's 40. Men don't fall for perfect. They fall for presence. You can try and

change yourself till you're blue in the face. You can try and be called the ultimate glow up dream until the cows come home. But it is about presence. Presence, attunement, ability to look someone in the eye is so rare these days that it is almost easy to win. Yes, everyone's on dating apps, which I don't believe in, but you guys do you, you do you. I'm not going to dictate what you should do. Everyone does what they're going to do. If you can just be present and not completely diluted in the tea or coffee that is self-obsession, and I mean that in a bad way, I mean that in a way where everyone is just running through life

with no connection at all, and they want to have some kind of perfection to them, perfect body, perfect routine. Optimize yourself. Optimize yourself. What the frick for are we optimizing so much? Perfection is impressive when you first see it. When you see that Instagram girly with her body or when you see somebody living that perfect life,

that is impressive. But presence connects. Tell me that I am not lying when I say, there was that girl in high school or wherever you are or at work that every guy falls for. She hasn't got the credentials in your female mind to make men obsessed. But for some reason, they are all crazy. about her. That is because she's present, she's confident, and she's in her zone, okay? He remembers how

you made him feel, not how you are, or what you do, and what brand of dress you're wearing, and how you only drink your green smoothies. People who have a presence are so addicting that it is impossible. You guys follow those type of people. I'm not going to say I'm those type of people, if I do say so myself, but it's about presence, okay? People like Cardi B. I just watched her interview this morning. I don't know why. I just find her quite cute. There is a presence that people have that makes them just amazing. You see, it's not about looks. It's not always about perfection. Presence, it's rare. It's magnetic and it distracts from imperfections. List all the incredible women throughout history who are known for their beauty. And you will see they have odd-shaped

noses, faces, butts, heights, whatever. It is a presence that they have. Number two, needy energy repels and receptive energy attracts, okay? I am not going to be PC in this podcast. I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear, and I'm not going to sugarcoat it, and I'm not going to hold your hand. I'm always going to be pro-you-winning, but I'm not going to be pro-sugar-coating stuff for you, okay?

Needy energy drains everybody. It drains you because you need so much from that person, and it is also selfish and not selfish in a good way, like I always promote you being, and that is self-development, working on yourself and being for yourself. it drains you because it is so attuned to the fact that this person can soothe your emotions or do something for you. You are intrinsically a child. You need to self-parent yourself and allow that person to see you for who you are.

And you are not the person you think you are. This concoction of who you think you currently are is not you. This is a result of things that have happened to you in the past. You haven't worked on yourself. You're reflexing and reacting to things. Men want to feel like they're giving to a woman who can actually receive. something, someone who can say thank you, someone who is present, someone who can laugh. When you cling and he runs and you think that he just is repulsed by you, it's not that it's

you, it's not that he doesn't want you, it's that needy energy can make the juiciest peach seem unattractive and makes people feel like you're saying, here's some peaches, but actually they're rotten or actually they're going to go off tomorrow. Like why are you trying to sell it so hard? What is that, I can tell you that even if you go into a store and they're selling you a handbag or whatever it is. And if they're trying to sell it too hard, you as a human being, you're like, whoa, what are they trying to sell me here? Why are you so needy? What is going on? Needy energy repels. But when you're receptive, when you are open, and when you actually ask for things, it is beautifully attractive because men love to give you what you ask for. Number three, men chase what they're

afraid to lose. Let me get that through your head. Men chase what they are afraid to lose. If you're always available, there is no urgency. It's not fair, Margarita. I don't Want to play games. Okay. Okay, Rebecca, don't play games. I'm just telling you what it is. If you're always available, that means that there is something intrinsically wrong in your life. Why don't you have a routine and friends and a schedule? Why are you always available? So it's not games. It's a question I'm asking you. Why is it that you are always available at every whim that he's got? He farts into the wind and you're there to smell it. What is going on? Space creates desire, okay? Not manipulation, not you pretending to have space, just boundaries, healthy boundaries. Why

is he on a pedestal? Why is he always being put first? It's annoying. It's annoying to him. It's annoying to you. He thought he found something interesting in finding you. Yet there you are, always there. He opens a bathroom door. You're standing there. He bloody turns around. You're standing there. Why are you always standing there? Why are you not interesting? Attraction fades even from the most attractive person when a man feels like you'll tolerate anything and just be there. Be there, be there, be there. And I don't mean this in a loyalty sense because I'm deathly loyal, okay? My friends, no. You will lose polarity and attract. action, okay? Number four, boundaries make you magnetic, not cold. How do I be, how do I be magnetic?

How do I be unbothered? If you haven't done unbothered, the course, do it in September. It's literally life-changing, okay? It's my best life's work. Do it. And my team keeps wanting to put the price up, and I keep saying no, so do it now until they force me. Boundaries make you magnetic, not cold. You're confusing coldness with having boundaries and just being able to stand up for yourself. It's not cold. It's amazing and it's sexy. Boundaries are self-respect, not punishment. That is also the thing. You think a boundary is telling him, right, you can't see me now for a week because you acted up or you acted wrong. No, that's a punishment. Boundaries is, you insulted me in front of my friends, so I'm not sure I want to see you for a while. Boundaries also teach someone how to treat you.

If you don't give someone the script of how to treat you or the rules of how to treat you, you are inevitably leaving them open to making mistakes, making you pissed off in the background, and making you resent them, hate them, and act badly towards them. By badly, I just mean emotionally flustered and angry when they were never given the boundaries and the parameters of how you are to be treated. Men admire women who know what they stand for. The thing that makes you a high value woman, if I do say so myself, this whole thing, high value, high value.

I'm using the jargon because you will understand what I mean. woman is that you know what you stand for. That's the only difference. Money doesn't make you high value. The fact that you're 21 years old doesn't make you high value. Knowing what you stand for makes you high value because there's always a customer for every prong, isn't there? Number five, silence is sometimes louder than words. In fact, I wrote sometimes here on my phone, but it is actually always louder than words. There is no words you can say after the first initial statement that will implant it in a person's brain. We will, we will. women think that if we over communicate something that they'll finally get it, they'll finally

understand, and they'll get it. Oh my God, finally. I had this interaction recently where a person I know acts in a certain way continuously, continuously. Let's say they're late, for argument sake, they're late. And another friend in my came and she was like, I'm going to tell her that she's always late. Okay, I'm going to tell her that she's late. And she started telling her, telling her, telling her. And I said, babe, it's not going to change her. This is not just about men. You've got to either accept someone as they are, tell them once, or don't show up. The way you tell someone that you will not put up with it is if this girl is always late, just don't show up for her next time. Be like, hey, babe, I'm not going to come because you're always late and I don't have the time.

Maybe we need a bigger time slot. You see what I'm saying? Or just don't say anything about it. You don't have to react to everything with men, right? He does something wrong. You're not supposed to pull him up on everything like a mother. That's what mothers do because a mother's job is to try and educate the child into how a child should act. That is not your job with a man. He acts as he is. You can say one time you don't like it and then you follow it up with not being around that energy, not being around that behavior. Silence shows strength and constant jab, jabba, jabba, and emotionality and crying shows weakness. Sometimes not responding is the clearest answer you can give.

If someone's giving you subpar treatment, you do not respond to it. Trust me, they understand everything that they've done. You do not need to keep going on about it. Do you understand? Number six, validation from him is never enough for you. no man can make you feel like you're enough you understand can you hear me that is not his job that is not his job you need to validate yourself and he is a cherry on the cake that adds to that validation there is nothing he can say or do about how you look in that dress or how you are or how well

you're doing at work or what a good mom you are that will make you feel like you're enough the more you beg for it the less he's going to give to you of that validation you know it breaks my heart when women get dressed up. I used to do this back in the day. Back in day, I used to go, oh, you didn't say anything about what I look like. Well, tough tities. He didn't say it. That is what you expect. You can say to him in a constructive conversation one time. I really love, you know, words of affirmation. It's really nice that when you tell me I look good and then leave it at that. But every time you guys go out and you go on about you didn't tell me, no, no, no, no. You cannot put so much weight onto how he expresses himself. He might be the best guy in the world. And a lot of masculine men that I like,

are like that and they're just not good with words. So what? You're going to ruin everything because he's not good with his words. Seek that validation in yourself or in your friends if you need to send them selfies of how you look like. Self-validation makes words that other people give you a bonus, not the oxygen you need to survive. You cannot make other people's words and actions the oxygen you need to survive. Number seven, being soft is not a weakness, okay? Somebody told me in the past when I didn't arc up about people's behaviors, this was years ago, oh, you're a bit of a weak us and no one's ever said this to me. Everyone's always called me strong. So I quite enjoyed the fact that they called me weak. I was like, hmm, I'm a weak little girlie because everyone's like, babe, you're strong.

You'll be fine. I'm like, I don't want to always be bloody strong. Okay. So this person called me weak because I didn't, I don't know, complain about a salad and a restaurant or something. I was like, there's no point in that I would always complain because that's weak to not complain. I said it actually takes more strength to be open-hearted, tolerant and self-contained. It takes more strength. Softness is often something that invites people to be more interested in you. It often invites polarity. It often invites him to be more strong if we're talking about relationships and what you might want from a man.

It invites him to step up. Men really, they are this amoeba like creature. I'm just joking. They're not an amoeba like creature. They're lovely, wonderful and powerful. But they are a creature who takes the form of what it is that you expect from them. If you don't expect much, they won't do much. They're a very clever life form in terms of it's us over here jumping up like,

choose me pick me i'll do more i'll do more let me work harder men don't do that they just go okay you don't you got it you got it okay you do it then okay so you got to remember if you're soft you allow people to step up okay number eight the viral concept of black cat energy or being a high value woman or being a woman that everyone is obsessed with is a mindset not a look we often attribute because it's social media a look to it it's not about fashion it's not about being all like brr and all this stuff because different people like different things. He might like a hippie chick. Another guy might like a more like a street urban style wearing chick. I'm just talking about fashion here. Another one might like a polo Ralph Lauren style tennis girly. Okay, everyone is different, right?

But it's about the intrinsic attitude of detachment, which my course unbothered goes into depths and working and workbooks. It talks about girl. I put a lot into this thing. It talks about it very, very intrinsically. It's a mindset, not a fashion. You can fashion yourself to be the most baddest looking bitch in the world. But if you don't have the attitude of detachment, she will win and you will lose. Black cat energy, high value woman energy, says, I am fine without you. I got me. I don't need you to parent me. I got me, but I love it when you're around. PUR. Confidence is an outfit that is way hotter than any physical outfit can be. Okay? Number nine, dream girls don't audition. No, they don't.

you don't prove yourself to anybody you don't try and jump through hoops for anybody men should feel lucky that you and they do they love it animal kingdom the woman chooses the man performs same with us that's why he pays he might not have all the feathers in our society women dress up that wasn't always the way men used to also dress up but in our society actually men dress up now too men feel lucky to be in your presence men feel lucky winning your approval and attention if you as a woman have to prove and win his attention, you actually end up losing. You feel like garbage about yourself. I've never heard a woman say, oh, I feel so good because I want his attention and his approval, yay, and then I want him over. I always give the example of a wedding. Wedding speech is always like,

oh, she turned a blind eye to me, and then she finally came around and I won her over. And men feel really good about that. They feel good about winning you over, okay? They want to audition for you. Dreamgirls don't audition because I've never heard a wedding speech where a woman's like, oh my God, he completely ignored me, but then he realized I've got an amazing job and I'm a badass and then he, you know, came around and he's there blushing in the corner. Auditioning for men screams of not knowing yourself, of insecurity, and it also doesn't create the right relationship dynamic. He won't be fulfilled. You won't be fulfilled.

Number 10, men respect what you respect in yourself, okay? Understand? Men will respect what you respect in yourself. If you treat yourself like an option, so will he. If you put yourself first, so will he. If you think about you, before you think about him, so will he. Flip reverse those things, una reversal. You think about him first, he'll think about him first.

Female energy, feminine energy, from coaching for seven years and talking to women about it, is like the neck and the man's the head. You point to him where he should focus. He focuses on what's important to you. And if he understands, look, us women, we think. think that if we put someone first and we do things for them, they will reciprocate because that's femininity. That's what feminine energy does. If we're in a hoard, a tribe of women around a fire, she does something nice for you, I do something nice for her. This is how we survive with young

children. Looking after each other's children, listening to each other's stories, that's what we do. When you do something nice for a man, he thinks, oh, I must be all that. She does it for me because she wants to. Men don't do more than they want to do. When a man does something for you, it means he wanted to do it for you. And that's that. So when you do more than you should or more than you feel you can or you over give, he just thinks that that's how much he deserves. Okay, standards are enforced by action, not speeches. So when you respect yourself, you act on it, you don't give speeches about it. Your time and energy up and body are all cues of how much he should respect you and you give him the parameters of that respect, not the other way around. And as I'm giving you this list,

I'm realizing this needs to be a two-part series because how am I going to put 40 in here? Because I keep blabbering on because we're only on number 11. Okay. Number 11. If he wanted to, he would and you would know it. If you are confused, then he didn't want to. Effort is obvious. It's not hidden.

You don't have to decode it. Excuses reveal priorities. Oh, he couldn't. Oh, he's got to do this now. He's going to do that now. I'm going to be completely transparent. Even in marriages, even in long-term relationships, you can see where someone's priorities lie, okay?

What that person can give, what their parameters are. It doesn't mean that they don't love you as well. You know, some men prioritize work for their family, as in like, I put that in quotations as in for the family, as in it is for the family, but they would rather prioritize work. Some men prioritize playing with the children, for example, in a family dynamic, etc. You shouldn't have to decode his interest. He's interested or he's not interested.

Number 12. Stop mothering men. It kills desire. If I have to tell this to you until I'm below in the face, I will. He has a mother. He wants a lover. If you become his mother, the position of lover opens up. You understand? Overfunctioning creates resentment from him, okay? And mothering energy smothers attraction. No one is attracted to their mother. Nobody wants to sleep with their mother. I know it's news to you. And the reason you're mothering him is because you don't have enough life projects, children and other things that you're that you can mother. And if you do, then put that energy on those neglected things like your plants. They have not been watered for a long time, baby girl, okay? Samantha, go water your plants.

Stop asking that man if he wants another drink. Number 13, detachment is the ultimate glow-up. Nothing sexier in this world, in this realm than a woman who doesn't cling to a man. She is a mystery because we're also clingy and detachment frees your energy from yourself. It frees your energy from being selfish. Being overly obsessed with the relationship and him and how he sees you is selfish. Go do some charity work. Go think about other people. Go water that plant.

I told you about Samantha. It shifts the power dynamic instantly. If you detach from the relationship being so important, have you seen those things online where they're like, the divorce glow up. I divorced and I glowed, glued up, I glowed up, babes. Because he left. No, it's not because he left.

It's because you finally, bloody, stop focusing on him and prioritize yourself, okay? I've just made a decision in this moment that I'm probably going to do all 40. but we're just going to condense them, okay? I'm not going to blabber on about it. Number 14, don't negotiate attraction. When people say, oh, he's really good for me, but I'm not attracted to him. Attraction isn't logical. You can't convince him to want you, and you can't convince yourself to want him.

I find my husband attractive, and I found him attractive ever since I met him. I don't know why. It must be pheromones. I'm not saying he's ugly or anything, and I'm not saying I'm ugly because he finds me attractive too. But there is a thing whereby you just find each other attractive. I don't know why. you cannot change that. Begging for attraction is degrading. When you're like, oh, but he likes

blondes, but I'm a brunette. Like I cannot stand that type of stuff. Find a man who finds you drop dead gorgeous and there are those men. Don't tell me, oh, I'm not that attractive. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. I'll just start prioritizing yourself. Number 15, mystery keeps the spark alive. He doesn't need to know everything at once. He doesn't need to know about your bowel movements. He doesn't need to know everywhere you're going. If he hasn't asked, stop telling him that you went to Kmart and you bought a cushion, but you kind of wanted a pink one. but then you got a green one. No. Oversharing too soon kills intrigue.

This is a life story, not a chapter, not a small chapter. It's a life story. Reveal things slowly. Mystery isn't manipulation. It's pacing. It's like understanding music. It's like understanding pacing of a book. It's like understanding storytelling.

You think when I say be mysterious that I'm thinking like sulk in the corner like a vampire bat. No, understand pacing. How much to reveal when you're talking too much, when you're not talking enough. Pacing, okay? Look it up. 16. Secure women don't over explain. Explanations dilute power. When you start explaining, I'm guilty of this one, I need to work on it, but boundaries often don't need justification.

Less talking, more action. Stop saying, oh, I went there because I kind of felt, but then I couldn't get you the bagel because dida-da, stop it. You couldn't, just don't do it. 17. Stop chasing closure. Start chasing peace. If he cheated on you and you decided you don't want to be with a cheater, Don't sit down with him and have a conversation about why did you cheat.

He did. You don't want to be with a cheater. Stop doing that. Closure is often an illusion. There is no talking, no amount of conversation you can have to make yourself feel better. Space and time away from that person and realizing that they're a shit bag is. Waiting to get closure keeps you stuck, waiting to understand why someone did a shitty thing keeps you stuck and it gives them so much power. Why do they get to, if you decide you don't want to be with a cheater in the start of a relationship and you don't have kids involved?

why are you giving them a chance to speak? Peace comes from deciding to move on, not from churning over this garbage with this man. 18. Men value what they invest in. Effort from a man creates attachment. If you are free in terms of investment financially, emotionally, physically,

he's never going to drive to you, he's never going to pick you up, he's never going to compromise his opinions, he's never going to compromise the restaurant he goes to, he's never going to pay anything for you. It does not create a Veserprenu. and attachment in men. Investments make him respect the relationship. Men respect what they invest in that annoying frickin car that he bought, that he, you know, looks after his skateboard or all these

things that he worked hard for. He respects and values because he's invested in them. It feels like they're his. It's healthy ownership. Okay. Number 19. So on number 18, don't feel scared to ask for things. The more he invests, the more he will prioritize you. Number 19, your feminine isn't a performance. okay it's not about acting it's not about picking flowers it's not about wearing a skirt like social media will have you believe true feminine energy is not an aesthetic it's a natural power that you have it's a cave woman wild woman power that you have and men know it they know it performing is exhausting and authenticity in your femininity is attractive 20 you do too much for the wrong man and not enough for the right one yeah i said it yeah a wrong man will always shrink you and they

will always make you perform harder and the right one will expand you and you will relax into it and that's okay that's okay you don't need to do much for him it's fine he's just loves being with you stop editing yourself for someone who's not worthy if you see yourself overperforming and doing too much and and and just like dying on the hill that is this relationship then you know for sure that this relationship is not correct for you okay black cat energy or high value energy in a relationship or dream girl energy is more important than it isn't dating comfort kills polarity we've got a life story to live okay staying mysterious and attractive means more in a relationship you guys tell me oh but does this work in a relationship yes it does and in fact it means more you've got children you've got babies now you've got things hinging on it the structure of marriage you two are the pillars is way more important it is your job my girl because women are emotionally inclined like we can more about connectivity and emotionality than men do it's your job to keep it healthy and safe long-term relationships still need edge they need spice they need all of that 22 the dream girl is disciplined

not just lucky she has habits not hacks habits are different it's not like oh i drank water for seven days and i got clear skin luck fades and discipline sustains not enough people talk about discipline you either feel the pain of discipline or you feel the pain of regret Okay. Lucky Girl Syndrome is built, not granted. It doesn't just happen. It doesn't just happen. 23 high standards filter low efforts. If you are scared to have high standards in a relationship or in dating in men and you're scared because, oh my God, I won't attract to anyone. Standards are boundaries in disguise. If you have a set of standards that you won't let anyone come through unless they meet, you are filtering people out faster. You don't have their amount of time that men have. They are still out here, Robert De Niro, having children or was at El Pacino at 77. You don't have that kind of time, okay, because I know that you want to build businesses too and a relationship and children.

You don't have the time to wrestle with pigs in the mud figuring out if they want a relationship with you. Tell me if you want a relationship. Wink, wink, wink. Stop it. They repel the wrong men early. Having standards, okay? They repel them. They save you time and they save you heartbreak.

Number 24. Energy speaks louder than outfits do, okay? Men feel your vibe before their clothes. confidence makes an outfit sexy okay i feel that i stopped wearing clothes that everybody told me to wear and almost like i don't know if you guys know but i had i was robbed a few weeks ago my house like i don't have any more handbags or jewelry basically no high-end clothes and it made me realize something not that i'm lucky that it happened not at all i'm just lucky that me and the children are in the house god forbid yuck i have upped my security to the point where like i can't even come in my own house

anymore. So that that is a gift from God that now I'm super secure. Knock on wood. I realized that a lot of times in the past in my 20s, thinking back on these handbags and the collections that I built up is that I got things that I thought were correct to get, that I thought were investments. Like, why are you investing with handbags? Or I sold that to myself in order to feel that they were, you know, for me. But the reality is I have my own style that I feel confident in. I barely have clothes now, not because they all got robbed, but like, as in like I just wear what I like and I feel comfortable in, and I've never felt sexier to be honest, okay? Because insecurity can even ruin the best look.

So throughout all those clothes that you're pulling at, that you're wearing for a performance, they need to go. Number 25, men mirror how you see yourself. If you keep running into the same type of guy who disrespects you, who abuses you, who doesn't want you, insecurities invite disrespect, okay? Self-respect demands respect. So your reflection becomes his, perspective on you.

If all men and all people treat you the same, if all your friends treat you the same, they are mirroring to you what you're putting out into the world. Number 26, commitment isn't the prize, okay? Being chosen every day is you fighting with this guy for commitment. When are we going to be a thing? What are we now? What are we?

The ring isn't the end goal, okay? My DMs are filled with women who are completely neglected, rejected, and denied of any kind of good standards whilst being married. Love must be renewed every day and daily choices for him to choose you, make you a good lifetime partner. By the way, not selling it,

but chosen is another course that I have on my site if you want about long-term relationships. But you breaking your neck, running for the ring, because you think it's some kind of end goal because maybe Disney told you or I don't know who is the wrong perspective on relationships, okay? Number 27, secure attachment is the sexiest energy you can have.

Being an ex-anxiously attached girlie, I can't tell you how much more I am attractive to people, attractive to people, despite having aged by 10 years than I was in the past. I say about the age because people say, you know, when you're younger, you're more attractive as a woman. Cool. I'm saying that I was so anxiously attached, despite being young and, I guess, subjectively attractive, I could not attract the right people, right? Neediness suffocates people.

avoidance feels cold and security is irresistible because it gives people freedom to be themselves and it gives people clarity to see you exactly as you are number 28 detachment gives you options clinging binds you to people who you should not be with detachment opens up possibilities because you allow people who are not good for you to leave your life by being detached freedom is the ultimate power and the only thing i don't know if i'm going to get very literary in dostoevsky right now but freedom is the only human thing that we have that separates us from everything on this earth, the power to choose. I think it was in Dostoevsky, which novel was, I cannot remember,

but he said that he would rather make a bad choice just to feel that he has choice than not make a choice at all, okay? And that is the truth. So choose to detach, choose to become unbothered, to let the people walk away so that you have options. If your closet is full of stuff, that you don't want, new things cannot come into your closet. Number 29, don't confuse chemistry with compatibility. Chemistry can be chaos because you're anxious and he's avoiding and he's running away

and you're chasing him. Compatibility is longevity. You are going to gain weight, get so much cortisol, your hair's going to fall out, you're going to get terrible skin, and you are going to run yourself dry running after a man who you first feel like you've got chemistry with, but he's intrinsically running away from you, okay? Sparks without substance burn out. You need to be looking for a life partner and a life story that has interest, intrigue, and all those things in between, not just some sexy macho because you think that he is going to make you feel spicy. No, you need to like yourself in a relationship. Like, you need to look at yourself in that relationship and like yourself.

Number 30, men don't need fixing. They need to feel needed. Let's sit on that one. Number 30 is good. Men don't need fixing. They need to feel needed. The biggest fear for men is that a woman will change. because he picks you exactly as he wants you.

And the biggest fear for women is that a man never will. So they spend their whole relationship trying to insult him into fixing, nag him into fixing himself. But men just get insulted by that, okay? Men don't want to prove to you that they're the one, because once you've chosen them, they feel chosen, and then you're there trying to change them. And they're like, wait a minute, Bissie, I thought you already liked me.

Respecting them for who they are and giving them the freedom to be who they are, and saying, I see the best in you and I need you to step up, actually makes them become the person you want them to be in a psychological, attuned way. Okay? Number 31, your body language is louder than your words and his words. You need to plug your ears and not listen to what he says and just watch what he does. And in the same way, that is how you need to communicate to him, okay? Words can lie, energy doesn't. When you say you don't like what he's done, but yet you're sitting on the sofa right next to him when he's come home, that shows him that it's actually okay what he's done. Okay?

And when you're believing his words and he's not following through, he sees that all he needs to do is do all of this. Okay? Number 32. Overfunctioning kills polarity. Doing everything for him, emasculates him. And I know you don't want to hear that, do you, Angela? Do you? Rebecca. My friend is actually Angela. So if she's listening to this, she'll be like, Are you talking about me? No, it's not about you, Eng. Overfunctioning kills polarity. Doing everything for him emasculates him.

And I know you think that's going to make him feel loved, but it breeds resentment, not love. It makes him feel squashed by you. It makes him feel engulfed by you. Space creates attraction. Giving him space, giving him time, giving him time to come and go and come and go is what creates attraction. Number 33. Every man wants a muse, not a manager.

Every man dreams about the Megan Foxes. or those kind of women who are hard to get in high school or even, you know, when they're in high school, they're like fancy the teacher or something. Someone to inspire them, not someone to control their life. Managers control and muses inspire. That's the difference, okay? He desires admiration, not direction. Men don't sit there and think, hmm, I just really need a mummy manager style person. Mothering, managing and martyering yourself for a man is a 100% chance of failure for the relationship, okay? desires admiration, not direction and daily telling him what vitamins he needs to take and the fact that he, you know, needs to quit gluten. Inspiration fuels devotion and management fuels rebellion.

Yeah? Rejection is protection, baby girl. Closed doors save you. He doesn't want you. Good. Things closed on you. Good. Those weren't the doors you should be walking through. The wrong man leaving is a blessing and the pain now prevents future huge pain if he has close the door, do not walk through that door ever again, understood. 35. Chasing potential is a form of self-betrayal. And betrayal is the lowest level of hell according to Nietzsche. Love who he is, not who he might become.

Potential is a fantasy that you have created and you have colored him with the colors of your own personality. He is tall. That means he's brave. He is brave. That means he'll stand up for you. He's that out for you. That means he wants you.

He wants you. That means he marry you and he wants kids with you. When we started with the fact that he's just tall. Yeah? Settling for almost erodes self-worth because you and your body and everything inside you and your spirit knows that you've just lied to yourself. You've betrayed yourself. Don't do it. Don't lie.

Cognitive dissonance is not good. Number 36. Softness, which we've talked about already, but it's a power play. It's the most powerful energy you can give. anyone can be hard anyone can be aggressive anyone can be gangster i've got a lot of gangster in me i've got a lot of masculine energy in me but softness is the true power play it is the true queen energy it is the true energy that can transform you okay talking about queen energy i just realize every week in this is concentrated in my her journal her journal that's your journal that's my journal it's her journal is focusing on different

archetypes of feminine energy and the queen is in there and how to become like the queen. But anyway, it's a power play because it takes courage to be tender and it's also darkly manipulative. And I don't often say this, but you can get way more with honey than you can get with a stick. 37, self-worth sets the relationship tone. He calibrates to your standard. Low self-worth invites mistreatment and high self-worth attracts effort, even within the relationship now. So you say, oh, how can I change him? How can I change him? You need to forget him. completely de-centre him and start to understand that you have value, have an entity, have timing, create routines for yourself, all of that, and he will follow.

He will rebel at first for the first month, but then he'll follow. We've got the last three points. Here they are. High value energy is knowing you'll be fine no matter what happens. Because a lot of people position themselves on their job, on their relationship, on the that life operates around them. Interdependence is the key where you can depend on somebody, but you're also fine without them. Co-dependence is bad and independence is bad.

Desperation is bad. But knowing I've got my back and I'll be okay. I am my own best friend. Seeing in someone's eyes that they enjoy their own company is incredible. 39. The feminine attracts, the masculine pursues. Why can't I chase him? Because you can't.

You can't chase him. Polarity is natural. Chasing flips the dynamic and attraction thrives when the roles are aligned. There is a small percentage of masculine energy women and feminine energy men and if you're happy that way chasing him, good girl, chase. But most of us want to be chased and proven to, you know, hence the engagement ring, hence the night's chasing you. It's all ways that women see, oh look, he moved mountains for me. Make us feel good. It makes them feel good. And number 40 for this 40 minute episode. being her as a daily practice, not a one-time glow-up.

So I'm going to change in a day. Listen to the podcast. Talk to me. Do the journal. Let's work on this. Reinvention is constant. You age. You grow.

Isn't it exciting that it just doesn't stagnate? And habits shape your identity. You can change. Becoming her never ends. It keeps evolving. And it's always. fascinating and it's always amazing. Okay, there is not an end goal. I'll see you on the next one. Love you lots like jelly tots. Bye.