BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 133: Dream Girl vs Placeholder: The Feminine Energy List Every Woman Needs

Episode Date: October 5, 2025

Become HER: http://margaritanazarenko.com/becomeherSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome, my delicious baby chicken. Welcome to the podcast. We are here. Get used to it. Today, I want to talk to you about placeholder versus dream girl energy. Okay, pick me versus that girl energy. Why? Because you have a lot of questionions.

You ask me, what does it mean? What do I do? So I'm going to give you energy. vibes of what she is and what she does and then I'm going to give you a what an example I'm going to give you an example in 20 steps and you know why we're doing this today because the code to all of this is feminine energy and in October and November you know what's happening baby girl I'm bringing back become her my feminine energy eight week master class rights eight weeks eight lessons half an hour video, workbooks, all of that good stuff is back and there's a live and a Q&A at the end of it and I am

excited. But in order to launch it, we got to launch it properly. We've got to tell you about feminine energy and how strongly it is coded with everything to do with being that girl. And I want that for you. I want that for you. I'm checking my face because I had Redurin recently under my eyes, little tiny injections of salmon semen. Yes, let us use the salmon semen. Let the men do something for us for a change. Okay. Okay, guys. And then, yeah, I also had profilo for the lower face. If you guys are interested, I do not gatekeep. Why would I gatekeep? Who even is she? Who gate keeps these days? Everyone can just go and find out what you do online anyway. So I love to have a little bit of sharing moments. But I will jump into these because you don't have the time.

And I do have the time today. I have the time. My nanny came back from being away for two months. And, you know, I found out I can do it all anyway. But it's so nice to have somebody. I value her more than I value. My husband, jokes aside, they're quite even, actually. Anyone who has a nanny will know that nannies and husbands are kind of like on the same level of of importance. Number one, placeholder energy is trying to prove her value to be chosen by some guy. If you guys are on my Instagram, you know Jake, you know Derek, you know those guys, right? I do memes about them. And you guys give me grief for using AI to generate those images, as if I'm going to go hunt down real men, take photos with them and post real men online. It's supposed to be AI, baby.

It's supposed to be a little bit cringy, a little bit funny. But the slogans of what those men say are golden. So go check those out on my Instagram, margarita. Nazarenko. And follow me there if you're a real one. but placeholder energy is trying to prove her value to be chosen by Jake. Okay. Dream Girl Energy knows she is the prize and she waits for him to prove himself to her. So it's where is the energy going?

Are you trying to prove yourself to him or are you waiting for him to prove to you? Are you the judge or are you the auditionee? Are you Simon Cowell or are you there an American Idol like pick me, choose me? okay for an example this is the example of number one a girl bakes him cookies on a date to show that she's wifey material she's girlfriend material please wife me please give me the rings so i can do things for you and have your children please please please please that is pick me energy that is okay uh as shira would say pick misha okay and the dream girl enjoys the date that he took her on because he's auditioning for her thanks him genuinely and lets him follow up to take her out again because who's auditioning ladies and jams

he's auditioning why are you making him cookies what are you trying to prove that you're a good little homemaker okay you can make him cookies for his birthday you can do it if you genuinely are a cookie baker and you love it and you just making it for all your friends and he's one of them okay that is a very lovely thing to do do you need to audition to be his wife no you don't let him discover those things let those things unfold like a like a joyful book okay number two placeholder energy accepts inconsistent efforts the connection feels strong like like she will accept low effort energy she will accept random miscommunications she will accept and make excuses for things because the connection feels strong because he do you know what we do can I just tell you this right off the bat I'll tell

you this right now what we do as women is we pretend that someone's our future husband like we let things slide because he's our future husband because at the end of the day I hate to say this to you but biologically speaking you've slept with him and your body decided that you might have got pregnant from him so therefore he might be your future baby Daniel and your future husband that is all that's happening in your little biological self okay that's what's happening I'm not going to be harsh to you I'm just going to be honest okay so now you're accepting inconsistencies because you're like oh he's the father of my children no he's not you've met Jake yesterday and you slept with him once okay dream girl energy requires consistency because her standard is stability. Standard is stability. I don't need stress in my life

from you, Derek. Who are you? You've stressed out your mom, your sister and your whole community and now you've come for me. Leave me alone. An example is he texts once a week, but you cling to the fact that we've got amazing chemistry. Oh my God, he's so cute. He's so pretty. He's so good looking. What are you going to do with him? Are you going to frame him and look at him? Like, why? The dream girl sees inconsistencies as a red flag and moves on, or at least does not pursue him. Again, we return to number one. She lets him audition for her.

What kind of audition is that? If you're a boss and you're hiring someone in a company and they're inconsistent that they don't show up for work, then you're not going to hire them. Why do you want to wipe the butt of someone else's son all your life? I'm bored, you're bored, we're all bored, okay? Number three, placeholder energy, you over give to feel indispensable. You think that your worth in this world is bought by doing stuff, as opposed to being yourself, in order to become indispensable to people.

Like, you'll do enough. Like I mentioned, for example, my nanny for my children. She has become somebody who's like a best friend to me and she's around. Keep in mind, I have her two days a week. Don't get too excited, right? But she's become indispensable, so it's hard for me to find someone else who I'm used to. My kids are used to and all these things, okay? It's hard.

So you are trying to do that with a man. Why? Is he paying you like I'm paying my nanny? Why? Dream gut energy receives generously and allows a man to invest in her. As opposed to you giving him a lot of stuff, you allow him to invest in you. because I've told you this from the beginning. I told you that the more a man invests in you,

the more you become indispensable to him. You believe that the more you invest in him, the more you become indispensable. That is wrong, Cookie. That is wrong, my little rock candy. The correct thing is, is that if he invests in you, like they love to invest in their Ferraris, their cars, the Ferraris and cars, the same thing, girl,

in their projects, and they become so obsessed with it, with their swing at golf, or whatever they super invest in, they become obsessed with. Let that be you. An example is you offer to drive him to the airport, right, at 5 a.m. to prove that you care. When you've got to go to work and you've got children and you've got all this stuff

and you wake up at the crack of dawn and you do these things and you flip over backwards and then you're resentful. That's the worst part. If you genuinely wake up at 4 and you are there and he's with you and you drive him, that's no problem. But if you're going to be resentful for it and think that he is going to thank you somehow and love you more, you are Ronski. A dream girl says, safe flight baby and goes to bed and doesn't even wake up at five.

Why are you waking up at five? It's a madness. Tell me why I park in the back of the parking lot in order to create my podcast from the car because this is where you guys love it. I think this is where we are most authentic. By the way, a studio is coming soon. I half suspect I'm going to spend an arm and a leg on it and everyone's going to hate it and I'm going to be back in the car. But we must try. Tell me why I'm parked here and everyone in their family is now parked around me, not even parked around me, but like standing outside looking at.

me. They want to listen to the wisdom. Okay, that's fine. Number four, placeholder type energy, stay silent when something bothers you and is afraid to lose him by saying that you don't like something. You are afraid to set a boundary because you are afraid that jakey jakey will leave you. Can you imagine a lifetime of that? Can you imagine when you're not so obsessed with him anymore and you've got children together and you've done all these backflips in order to impress him and you've stayed silent and now he doesn't know you and because he doesn't know you he doesn't even know how to impress you and it's just a cluster fluff a dream girl speaks her truth okay she says what it is calmly and trusts the right man won't leave but here's the crux she does not berate she does not go on

about it she's not dabba jabba jabber jabbing around right she says it once that is a boundary what you're willing to settle for not how you're trying to change someone for example he cancels last minute again and the placeholder smiles yeah it's fine he's busy it's okay he's busy you know you know he works for a bank he's busy and dream girl says hey you're canceling again i really value reliability but don't worry we'll we'll do it next time what that means is we won't do it next time next time she's going to be busy okay it doesn't work for you it does not work for you but you under no circumstance berate someone or try to reparent someone never do that no they're not your No, they're not.

Number five, a placeholder thinks boundaries will scare people away, whilst a dream girl knows that boundaries actually create attraction. The one superpower we have is women, and you might not believe me, is the ability to say no. The women that are most yearned for are the women who are hard to get, the women who are hard to please, and the women that are a little bit mean. Okay? Just the way it is.

Okay? Let's say, a placeholder lets him call her at 1 a.m., four hookups. he comes over, she's okay with it, blah, blah, blah. A dream girl says, sorry, too late for me. You think that he is going to run away because it's too late for you. Do you know who's going to run away? A man who's only using you for SEX. That's the only person who's going to run away.

If he's a husband, like you potentially think he is, he's not going to run away. He's going to respect that. Number six, a placeholder type energy waits around for maybe plans. Like he's not sure, maybe we'll lock it in. I'm not sure. I'll see how it is, what time will finish work. A dream goal values. her time. That's another reason why putting into your looks is an amazingly great thing to do as a woman,

because not only does it denote your beauty in the world, and that's fantastic, because you are a beautiful creature and you should be revered for your unicorn-like aesthetics, but it also denotes to people straight away from jump when they look at you that you put time, effort and energy and money into yourself, and to not mess around with that. It's not a joke. We're not playing around. A dream girl, a high-value woman values her time, and if he doesn't confirm, then she's not there for it easy to be around hard to get that's the formula easy to be around hard to get okay for example a placeholder clears her Friday because he might be free just in case whilst if a dream girl if he's not booked something then the day is gone even if he comes back last minute the day is gone baby jakey it's

gone you didn't jump on the train the train gone number seven placeholder reads into breadcrumbing like like little bits of attention or story views as if he's interested what he's interested in is knowing that you'll still stick around, how little of energy he needs to give you for you to still stick around. A dream girl is nourished by real investment, not breadcrumbs. She wants a real steak, a real lap store. She does not want breadcrumbs, like a bird, tiny little bird, breadcrumbs, okay? Stop reading into them. They mean nothing. They just mean he needs attention. Placeholder swoons over like a fire emoji that he put on your silly post, okay? We need to thirst trap. He's just seeing if you're going to react, okay?

Dream Girl, he starts a fire emoji. She doesn't even notice. He doesn't, she doesn't notice. Why is he even on Instagram? Go build a house. Why are you even on Instagram? You're a man. Stop it.

If I was a man, I would hide the fact that I ever go on Instagram. Like, I'd be curious and I'd go. Unless I'm like one of those podcast bros, I would, I would, and I'm trying to run a business or like a Gary V. I would not be caught dead on Instagram. Like, I would go, but I would hide it. It would be embarrassing for me. Number eight, place hold. think being easygoing means never asking for more.

When I say easy to be with hard to get, I mean a joy to be with. You are a joy. You're a phoenix of a woman. You are amazing, empowering, and you never berate people or nag them because that's deeply boring. But placeholder women, they mistake it for being very easygoing means never asking for more, never asking for people to do better, never asking for better behavior, never asking for any of that. A dream girl is feminine and soft and not afraid to have standards. She's not afraid to

ask for this or ask for that or ask to go to a nice dinner or ask to meet up somewhere that he doesn't necessarily want to go or maybe ask for sushi as opposed to Mexican. I know you guys are scared of that stuff. Okay. An example is anything's fine. Anywhere I want to eat. Placeholder. Okay. It's boring. He doesn't even know how to please you. Like I'm deeply bored by you. A dream girl says, I love sushi tonight. She just says what she wants. And if he doesn't deliver, that's fine, but you said what you want. You gave him the manual of how to make you happy.

Number nine, a placeholder collapses her desires to match his, and a dream girl holds her desires proudly and lets the wrong man self-select out. You are trying to cultivate a life here. You are trying to cultivate a life for you and your future children. All of these thousands of people survived so you could be here. You owe a duty to your ancestors and to your future children to have the life that you want to have. Do not collapse and fold your dreams and your ideas of the life that you want to have for Jakey boy. He says he hates kids.

Oh, okay, me too. I don't want kids anymore. Okay. A dream goal will say, oh, that's great for you. I do. And stop hanging out with him so much because now he's not interesting to you with his no child having self. That's up to him. That's up to him.

That's his life, not yours. And you don't change that. You just say, oh, that's interesting. I do. That's that. Number 10, a placeholder is afraid of being too much. Jokes aside, I was always afraid of being too much. I have a bit of personality.

I have a feeling of like wanting connectivity, especially when I was very anxiously attached. I was always afraid of being too much, okay? A dream girl knows she's not too much. She's just not for everyone. You might be the juiciest peach, but not everybody's going to like peaches. Okay?

For example, a placeholder hides her passions to seem chill. Like, you know, she wants to do something or she wants to go somewhere or something bothered her. She wants to be chill. A dream girl is somebody who's fully embodied in themselves. Okay? You're fully embodied. If you're too much, you're too much.

Sometimes you guys follow social media in terms of like black cat energy is viral on TikTok and things. You're like, oh, but I'm more of like a very happy go lucky person. I'm very bubbly. Like how do I not be that way? How do I be a mysterious black cat? No, you be a bubbly black cat. You be a bubbly ginger cat.

You don't filter yourself down in order to be like, like everybody else, okay? That's the most boring thing to be. Number 11, placeholder energy feels anxious if he pulls away. And I understand why you feel anxious, because a lot of you are anxiously attached and you read someone pulling away as you being abandoned as a child. But the news is you're not a child anymore. That's the good news, okay? You're not a child anymore. Nobody could actually kill you by abandoning you. And as a child, you literally feel that way, like you are, you will die. If somebody abandons you, that's not the case anymore. You're grown now. It's okay. while a dream girl practices detachment if you haven't read about that seen that learned about that

it's everywhere on my channel write my name right detachment you will learn a thing or two that will save your life honestly it saved my life okay for example a placeholder spirals if he doesn't reply she starts bombarding telling him why it's important to reply just for that little dopamine of like he's replied and that's it now you can be soothed you should not be searching for that you should be searching for that soothing in yourself. A dream girl might feel those things, but she might go for around. She will go journal. She will know that the right man won't vanish on you. He will not abandon you. And if he does, you'd rather know sooner rather than later. Dream girls do not not have feelings. They do have feelings. They just know that the man is not there to fix them. You have to fix those

feelings. If you feel anxious because he's not text you for three hours, you have to work on that. Not him. There's no one who can filter your feelings for you. Emotional sovereignty and emotional independence is way more important than financial. We all talk about financially going to be independent. We'll make your own money. But you're completely emotionally reliant on him. Yeah. Number 12. Placeholders don't over explain. Never complain. Never explain. Dreamgirls just understand that she is who she is without apologizing or justification. Yeah. She, for example, he asks to lend him money. Yeah? A placeholder says, I would, but my rent is due, but my granny's sick, and my car needs repairs. I'm really sorry. And a dream girl will just say, no, I don't want to. I can't. Or add, I'm not comfortable with that. I don't lend money to people.

I don't want to. What are you going to do? Don't lend money to men, okay? That's first of all. But second of all, they don't need an excuse. 13. A placeholder waits to be chosen. The dream girl chooses someone who's worthy of her presence and doesn't wait and moves on. knows that if they want her so much, they will chase her afterwards. It's not like if you walk away, that's it. He disappears into time unknown, and that's that. But a placeholder will wait 10, 20 years to be chosen, and then she can't have children because fertility is that for women that is shorter time frame than men, but she's been waiting. Placeholders wait for months for him to finally commit their weight, they wait, they wait, they wait.

What are you waiting for? Oh, we're waiting to get to know each other. Do you know someone who will change after 25 years of being with them? What are you waiting for? If he doesn't know that you are good enough after 10 years, how is he going to know after 20? Okay? Dream Girl dates with intention. If he's not committing, she's dating other people.

By dating, I don't mean sleeping with the village. I mean dating other people, seeing who else can impress her. Okay? 14. I feel bad. Dream girl knows she's relationship material and she doesn't settle for half love because it's very annoying. Like what is he,

what is a situation ship? Basically, you're good enough, but not the dream girl. That's, that's all that means. And we're trying to decipher it. What does he mean,

Jessica? What does he mean, Rebecca? He means that you're great, but not good enough. That's all that means. And that should not be such a painful. This is the thing about you guys.

You don't accept it. You cannot accept that you're not someone's dream girl. You cannot accept. He must be confused. No, you're just not. You're just not it for him. Placeholders accept we're just hanging out.

We're just dating. We're just seeing each other. Dreamgirl's like, I want, I've got stuff to do, future to build, like things to create. What do you mean we're waiting? Not going to happen. Sorry. 15. Placeholders think chemistry alone is enough.

And a dream girl knows that character values and all those things matter way more, okay? Like compatibility in life. An example is a placeholder overlooks reliability. and values and who he is. But, you know, for example, he's got a kid, but he doesn't see his kid. And you're like, yeah, but maybe it's the baby mama. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

First of all, no, no, no, no. You can't overlook those things. You have to see values as consistent. I only want kind people around me. I do not want people like that around me. 16. Placeholder believes her worth rises and falls with his attention. Oh, he's looking at me. Yay, I'm happy.

He's not. Oh, I'm sad. A dream girl angers her worth in herself. and the life she's created and her surroundings. He's paying me attention great. He's not paying me attention great. He's paying me attention great. Detachment. Learn about it.

It will save your life, okay? A placeholder feels ugly if he doesn't give her a compliment. Why haven't he complimented me? That used to be me in my 20s. Why haven't you complimented me? A compliment's lovely, but it's not going to make a break my day, baby, okay? Dream girl knows that she is radiant with or without his compliments. Maybe he forgot, okay?

He forgot, like, he's a man. Why are we expecting perfection from him? Just leave him alone. 17. Placeholders avoid mystery and overshare everything in order to feel close. They avoid mystery. They cannot hold a silence. They cannot hold a pause. Their text messages look like paragraphs submitted for a book. And a dream girl allows curiosity. She knows that she doesn't have to give everything away on the first day. She allows it to like build and open out like chapters in a book. The placeholders often meet someone and they trauma dump. You guys write to me. But how can I not tell him that I got abused in my last

relationship on the first date in case he's also an abuser. Yeah, because an abuser is going to be like, oh no, she got abused before. I better not do it again. In fact, you're making yourself more vulnerable by admitting you've been abused before on a first date to someone you don't know and who's not afforded that level of intimacy. Okay. A dream girl gradually lets herself get to know a person and lets him in on secrets like that family secrets and things. 18. A placeholder competes with other women for his intention. He looked at a woman when we're at a bar. He's talking to another woman when we were here, she's always competing all the time. A dream girl does not compete.

She understands very clearly that if she sees a pattern of behavior where he's always looking at other women, always doing all those things, she's not going to be interested in him anymore. She's going to lose interest. And if it happens once or twice, she will turn a blind eye because she knows that the moment she asks up about it, let's see he glances at a waitress in a restaurant in a way you don't like. The moment you say, oh, I saw you looking, were you looking?

Number one, he's not going to tell you the truth because now he's scared and intimidated. And number next is you're going to now look like you're competing with her. And that will mean that she looks better than you never, ever, ever do that. Number 19, placeholders feel lucky to be chosen. Like you're some sub-parsh meagle under the stairs and you're lucky that a Saman looked at you. A dream girl knows that men are great and it'll be great to have one at some point because relationships are great. But it's not like it's luck or she's like won a medal. Okay. Placeholder energy is like, I hope he picks me.

And Dreamgirls is like, I see my worth and I'm going to create a relationship with someone. It's just a very like that. And last but not least, number 20, placeholders settle for being good enough for someone for now, and they ignore the fact that they can see that he does not prioritize her, does not love her, does not want to be with her, whilst Dreamgirls will walk away from a guy and risk losing him, knowing that he's not putting his best into the relationship.

And that she'll be fine without him, okay? placeholder is energy is like let's have fun until he's ready for something serious we'll just hang out then he'll be ready for something serious and i'll be there lying like a dormant until he's ready for something serious okay and a dream girl she plans her life regardless around what she wants and if he does not join then she's gone guys i hope this landed if you want to possess true feminine energy and so this is very easy for you that you don't even have to think about it you don't have to second guess and you can breathe, then come and do BH, become her with me in October. It's open.

I'll put it in the links below. It's live. You get to ask your personal questions. I can't wait to see you there. Love you lots like Jetty Tots. Bye.