BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 137: Phrases That Make You Lose Power (and What To Say Instead)

Episode Date: November 2, 2025

If your language leaks neediness, people treat you like a backup plan. In this episode I give you everyday phrases to retire and exactly what to say instead so you sound soft, certain, and high value in dating, relationships, and life.40% OFF Sitewide for the month of November. Explore here → https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/If you liked this video1. Comment the phrase you’re retiring first2. Send this to a friend who over-explains3. Subscribe for weekly feminine energy and detachment episodesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Oh hi, it's me again. In my car, ready to tell you things that we are retiring. Retiring. We've got a few months left, two, one, I'm not sure, until it is 2026. And we're going to retire these things, ladies. We're going to absolutely chuck these things in the metaphorical bin. And I'm going to tell you what we are adopting instead, okay? So these are phrases, things that you say, things that make you not as alluring, not as enticing, not as spicy, not as all those good things that you could be, she said as she opens her roof to illuminate the situation further. I need you to be exactly who you're meant to be in 2026, okay? I need you to be alluring, amazing, sure of yourself, unbothered, unbothered is what you. we need to be, okay? Absolutely unbothered about what he thinks because he's auditioning for you.

Okay. So phrase number one, just in general, just in life, we're going to hit these pretty fast, okay, because we need to get on them. Is sorry for the late reply. Sorry I'm late. Sorry I this. Sorry I that. Because we as women, sorry a lot. We're always freaking sorry. We just always sorry. And I, and I've had enough, okay? I've had enough of apologizing. and hearing apologies from women who did nothing wrong. I never hear it from men. I'm sorry this. I'm sorry that.

I'm sorry the other one. Unless you're actually sorry, unless you actually love someone, do not be saying sorry. Do not be saying all these things frivolously, okay? Because words have power and words have meaning. Instead, try thank you. Thank you for waiting.

Thank you for your patience. Thank you. Gratitude energetically holds a lot more power than apologizing. Apologizing for your existence. apologizing that you're even there, constantly apologizing is not the vibe that we're on. We are thankful. We are grateful. And we move with that energy. Number two, I don't mind. We're going to retire that. Whatever, whatever works. I don't mind. Whatever you want. Whatever you want. Oh, but he doesn't do much for me because it's whatever I want. How can he do things for

you if there's no algorithm of things he can do? He doesn't know what to do because it's always whatever you want. It doesn't matter to you. Okay. Try, I prefer this. I prefer sushi. I prefer Italian. I prefer this. You're not instructing him. You're not taking the leading role. You're not doing that. But you have a freaking preference, my guy, okay? My gal, okay? Options signal an ease and a standard to be with you. You think that it makes you difficult for you to say what you want. It actually makes you easier to be with. I don't know about you, but everyone's had a friend who doesn't mind. And it's the most annoying thing in the entire universe. Having a person who doesn't mind around is really, really annoying. I don't mind. It's up to you. I'll tell you this as a side quest, okay? I'm going to add a few

side quests in here. Being a parent of young children, people always say, you know, what can I do for you? You've got baby. Like, maybe I can come and clean something. Those are all amazing things. But I heard people talk about it. I think it was a psychologist that when a woman is postpartum, you just come and you do something because you saying what can I do for you is adding it to the list. Also with people who are grieving, people who are tired, people who are overworked. If you're adding to the list of things that they need to decide, what can I do for you? That is not what you should be doing. And being decisive is a really great thing.

So that is what you need to do. Number three thing to retire and throughout the window is you constantly asking if that is okay. I got into this loop with people in my business, not men, but people who work for me in different myriads of things that I do. I started asking them constantly, like, if that's okay, if you don't mind, I hope that's okay. And I was like, oh my gosh, it must be impossible to work for me, not in, not in an impossible way, but it's just like, Margarita, like, you're paying them, it's okay. Stop asking people if everything is okay. I'm just not from a background where I'm used to hiring people and delegating, I'm like, I'll just do everything myself.

Throw it on my back. Like, I figured it out with men, but I've not yet figured it out with work and women, okay? Instead of saying, is that okay? Just say, let me know if that doesn't work for you. Let me know if that doesn't work for you. At the end, if you're over-asking something, okay? They can counter. They've got their own opinions.

They've got their own minds. They can do that. Number four, and I always tell this to my kids, and everyone I know. There is no, I'll try. There is, I'll do, or I won't do. There is no, I'll try. I'll do X by this time. I'll do Y by this time.

If anything changes, I'll update you. I'll try is a weak, unbounded statement, okay? It's commitment and it's clarity. That's the only way to be a person of excellence. And yes, feminine energy flows and feminine energy is everywhere. But I'll try. It just does not speak equality about your character. I do not like it.

No, no. Number five, no worries if not. Don't worry. Don't worry. Like, oh, we're going to go on a date. we're going to have some sushi. But no worries if not, Jake. Don't worry if you have time.

This kind of like subjugation of your time and making yourself sound unimportant is really not a good idea for how people see you, especially men. Just commit to a plan. If that doesn't work, let me know. You know what I mean? No worries if not. No worries if not. You're almost already apologizing for asking someone and having time locked in with you.

They will let you know, okay? do not have a pick me vibe. Do not have a vibe. And sometimes you don't even have that energy. But with these phrases, no worries if not. No worries if you can't make it. No worries if not. Really degrade your personal power. Okay. Number six, oh, sorry to be annoying. I know this is annoying, but I know this is annoying. How do you know it's annoying? How do you know it's annoying? How do you know it's something that is going to annoy them? You're already saying you're annoying. It's like when when people say, oh, I know you guys probably don't want to hang out with me. You guys probably don't want to wait for me. I know I'm annoying. it's annoying that you're saying that, okay? If you want to ask somebody, just say, oh, quick question and raise the thing that you want to know, okay? Don't pre-shame yourself. Don't pre-dispose yourself

to being critical of yourself already, okay? In emails, with a guy when you're texting him, this like, oh, hi, just checking in if we're on for tonight, just checking in in emails, just checking in, just checking. How are you, just checking? Number one with men, just don't check. Don't check. If he doesn't message you, that's, that's,

That's enough. That is it said. That is it done. And if you're emailing and it's work, hey, following up on whatever it is you want to say, okay? Specifics, not just checking up on. You're not just checking up on. You're following up. And with a man, you are leaving it. If it's radio silent, you're leaving it. It's gone. When you're having an emotional conversation, the thing that feminine energy gets wrong is flying off the handle emotionally. Okay. So I'm probably overthinking, but I saw you that, but, but, but, but I'm overthinking it. Like, I know it's probably not that. What you need to do is do a rule of three.

If you see him doing a behavior that you don't like, for example, not returning your calls, looking at another woman, not making plans, instead of, oh, I'm probably overthinking it, but I just don't think you make plans and that kind of makes me feel not loved. Put that in the bin. Be like, here's what I noticed. On occasion one, two, and three, you did this. That's not the kind of. a lifestyle I want. That's not for me. She should Jake, don't, don't start speaking. Let me finish.

You can keep doing that and that's fine, but I'm just letting you know that I notice and that's not for me. Okay. Let's talk about boundaries in this second part of it. Okay. Let's talk about boundaries. Boundaries is an expression of what you. It's like being still a soft person, but limiting the amount of access people have to you. Okay. It's like having a really strong fence around you, but still being soft. It's not about being a hard person. Okay. So you need to retire sentences like I can't tonight maybe another time you need to be specific with your language like I'm not available this week but try me after the 15th that is when you're talking to somebody that you work with when you don't want to do something and you're like I guess I can make that work that that denotes a level of lack of boundaries okay that doesn't work for me but X does is a much better solution and is a much better idea also retire things like you never you always you never you always that is such language that that that that decrees your power. And I guess this whole podcast is with language that decreases your power and what you should say instead is, you never this, you never that. There is no always and there is no never. People who say always and never are proving that the foundation of what they're saying cannot be accurate. You need to be specific when something occurred, how it occurred and how it made you feel and what would you like instead. The old phrase we need to talk, men like rebound from that phrase. They really don't like that phrase. They actually blocks them from listening to you. So if you want to talk to him, the best way to get that to happen is to say, hey, when is the next time that you have to sit down and talk to me for 20 minutes?

It books in an appointment in their head that makes them listen. I heard a male psychologist talk about this. So, hey, we need to talk. Sounds like you're just about to have a go at them and they block off straight away. But be like, hey, I need to talk about something to you. When do you have the time to do that? I just need about 20 minutes. You've done nothing wrong. That is the best way, even if they have done something wrong. That is the best way to get them to sit down and have that conversation. with you, okay? When you wanting to find out why a guy has not messaged you, okay, this is a very interesting one because people who are female always say, why don't you text me? Why didn't you text me? Why didn't you, you know, answer my messages? If you are in the start of a relationship and you

don't have that contractual obligation to text each other, like, I don't know, a marriage and children and household to run, I would really encourage you and I know it feels painful. I know it feels like you're begging someone for attention, but I enjoy hearing from you. I love it when you message me. I missed hearing from you today. And just leave it at that not too many times, not over immersive, but that way you can see you're giving that person the knowledge that it makes you happy when they message you an algorithm that you expect them to message you in, as in like the amount of time that you expect them to message you in without them feeling like you are managing them. This whole notion of that you didn't text me.

If you flip the script and you imagine him saying that to you, it's a pretty unattractive thing to experience. It's laborsome. It's tiring. It's annoying when someone's always watching your back and calculating what you do. Okay. When he asks you what's wrong and you're like, I'm fine. I'm fine. Okay.

Jessica, try something like, I'm not okay with this and I prefer this. I'm not okay with when we go out. You look at other women. But it's your choice. and you decide what you want to do. No, I'm fine. No sulking in the corner. Just say it what it is.

And if it upsets you, you can then be upset, but do not say I'm fine. Clarity is the best way to move forward. I also want people who are together in relationships to retire. This one was hard for me. It's okay. I got it. Because to be honest, the reality is I do got it.

I do got it by myself most of the time. And I'm learning it. And I employ women on. on my team who have children and they're learning it. And it's such a hard thing to decide to either hire help or ask for help or say something like, you know, are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. I got it.

I got it. I got it. Yeah. Could you do ABCDFG to delegate your tasks? So next time if somebody asks you what they can do and I know you're already overwhelmed and I know especially dating and in the beginning of a relationship, right? When you first start a relationship, that is the time when you need to give them as many tasks as you possibly can in order to not necessarily test, but it does two things.

Number one, it makes him learn the experience of making you happy and doing things for you because it will make you happy. But also it gives them ownership over the relationship. And not ownership in a toxic way, like he owns you. But if you notice, when men put a lot of effort and energy into something, they feel like they've got ownership over the idea, like when they're painting their house, or when they are doing a project on their car, or when they work really hard on their crypto, whatever that means I've got no idea what I just said. They really feel ownership over it and they feel proud over.

If you never let him do things for you and never let him put himself out there for you, you will never be in that category of things he super cares about. Okay. Now let's move on to relationships. Relationships, phrases that we are going to be retiring. Do you still love me? Would you love me if I was a worm? All of those. Okay, those are categories of you wanting some kind of intimacy that you're not getting in the relationship and you're asking a about it verbally. Try something like, I love it when you, it makes me feel really loved. Give him instructions of what he can do to make you feel loved. He will pick it up if you drop it properly. Okay. I love it when you do this. It's positive reinforcement. Or when he does it,

really be emotively gushing about it. Like, oh my God, I love it when you do this. You're so amazing. Da da da da da da. Another thing is, I don't have this in my relationships because I don't date men. Well, I've got a husband, but I wouldn't really date a man who posts things. on Instagram, but a lot of you are younger than 30. So, fine, fine, he's got an Instagram. Can you post me on Instagram? Why don't you post me on Instagram? Isn't our relationship like this public? Da-da-da-da-da. What I would suggest in this one is do not say anything at all. I know it sounds counterintuitive that you're a feminine woman and you're expressing yourself and you just want to say what you want to say. But the reality is there is no way of saying this to make yourself come across as somebody who's

got standards and is in their power. Why? Because you should not be monitoring and managing someone else's life on Instagram. That is the reality. When you're checking for who he's looking at, when you're asking him to post you, when you're controlling any of it, the energy is off. You should be worried about yourself. And the irony about life is that the only way for you to feel great about yourself is when you're in that moment, when you don't actually care about what he posts, what he watches and what he does. And those always the man who don't feel. post anything and don't watch anything bad and don't do anything like that because they're obsessed with you because you're obsessed with you as soon as you traverse into the demographic of a girl who's

going to monitor what he watches ask him to post her and do all these things you lose your power straight away so with this one there is really nothing that you can say in order to have your power and in order to make him post you you can say i want you to post me because i want our relationship to be public and he might do it but does that give you the power in the relationship no it does not if he doesn't book dates anymore the thing that you should retire saying is you never take me out me out anymore you're getting a gist of these sentences right you never take me out anymore you don't love me anymore you don't find me attractive anymore playfulness is always the element that's going to get you through these situations so try something like i miss going out with you

Are you free on Friday at like seven? And then when he's like, yeah, then you organize a date. Or why don't you wear that black shirt? I love you in that shirt and we'll go out somewhere. You have to open in a lot of these stagnant relationships, the line to intimacy. And if you're the one who's noticing that the intimacy is gone, it's got to be you. And it's not going to be opened up with, you never take me out anymore. Are you even attracted to me?

It's not going to be opened up with that. another one that is really, really tricky is when you don't have sex anymore. A lot of women have this problem. We're always taught that it's the man who wants it and you're the one running away, right? And the irony is the more you chase him and the more you ask and the more is like, why don't you want me anymore? Am I not sexy? And you put on random lingerie.

I had a client once, a woman who, you know, felt the boyfriend wasn't attracted anymore, would put on all this lingerie and it just landed on deaf ears and she could completely lost her feeling of internal power and any sense of sexuality, sensuality, and how she saw herself. It was just a disaster. Imagine standing there in your lingerie and he just like kind of looks at you and walks past. The sexual intimacy is off there. Let's say it's nothing physical and it's not his stress and all these things that could be other reasons. It's about the playfulness and the energy in that being gone. You need to start opening up with ideas and and and flirty interactions and things that create movement between you like actually for

example hiking or doing activities that you guys like to do together they've got nothing to do with forced things like putting on lingerie and parading in front of him the whole idea of putting on lingerie and parading in front of someone when they have not expressed sexuality towards you is a lot of pressure and a lot of performance behind it's very performative and it's very not authentic a lot of people who are in these stagnant situations and relationships actually open up in moments when they're not supposed to be sexual, when it's just playful, when it's an activity together. So I would organize something like that as opposed to saying, you don't find me attractive anymore. As soon as you say these sentences, like we never have sex, you don't find me attractive and you go to a sex therapist.

I know this is controversial what I'm saying, but that's when you start to open up the gates to it being a job and pressure, right? So when these things happen in a relationship, you've got to be very, very careful how you traverse because you could derail the whole situation and actually make it a pressure that should not be there. Will your relationship be equally sexual the whole time your whole life? No, it won't. It'll go ups and downs and ebbs and flows, okay? But the last thing that will make it sexy again is you going, why don't you want me anymore? We're going to talk about it. Why don't you want me, Jared? It's just really, really, it makes it a job. Another one that comes up in relationships is where is this going? This comes up a lot. Where is this going? Where is this going? This is not your concern. The thing that

qualifies a man to be your future husband, and that's the question that you're asking, is his ability to decide that you are the one for him. If he cannot make that decision, then you don't want to know where it's going. The only thing you should be telling this man is, I want children under commitment by the age of 29. Let's just say that's your limit. And you're already 28. So that's what he knows. And you talk in those frames in your mind that this is the frame that you are setting you're not saying it's with him you're not saying it's right now but you're saying your expectations and if he's giving you every excuse in the book oh i don't know i need to be financially sound first i need to i don't know file my toenails i need to fly to the moon with elon musk listen you do you but know that this is

my route this is my path i want to do this and that's what i'm going to do so if you don't want that That's fine, but I'm going to keep it stepping. You do not ask him, where is this going? You just tell him where you're going. And if he's not on the train, you hop off. All in all, I want you to know that language is energy. Your movement is energy. Your intentions are energy.

That's how you manifest things in the world. It's not just by thinking about that, meditating on it, and then it manifests. It's about how you behave in the world. It's about the energy that you hold in the world and how you move through things. Okay. So stay in your power. I love you lots like jelly tots and I'll see you on the next one. If you want more about feminine energy guys, go on my website.

I think we're having a 40% sale. My team has gone insane. 40% all of November. Happy Black Friday month.