BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 15: NO Wifey Duties On Girlfriend Status. Don't Make These Mistakes If You Want Marriage.

Episode Date: July 3, 2023

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Welcome to Being Her, the ultimate guide to living your best life as her. Join me, Margarita, on an empowering journey to discover your feminine energy, build meaningful relationships and find your purpose. Let's dive in and explore all things womanhood together. Hello, hello, my sexy, gorgeous, wonderful human being. I'm so glad you're here listening to this. Today's episode is going to be an interesting one. It's about wifie duties on girlfriend status.

This is a subject that's come up on my TikTok in the last few days. I don't know if people refuse to understand, but some of those people need to understand, and that is why we're going to go into long format now. We need to communicate to these people why one does not do wifie responsibilities in girlfriend mode. And it's not as simple as what you think. It's not a transactional situation.

A lot of guys react that way. As soon as they hear, oh, I don't do wifie things on girlfriend's salary, quotation marks, they think, oh, she's just going to be using me for what I can give her and not doing things for me. So we need to discuss, number one, why that's not true. Number two, what wifey duties are. Number three, why that's my opinion and number four, how it's going to help you in your life, if your aim and your goal is to create a future and a family life for yourself and potentially a marriage. So that's where we're going to start.

This is a podcast and this is a conversation. For those of you who don't want casual sex, for those of you who don't want a random partnership, 50-50 living with someone, essentially a roommate that you might be sleeping with, which is all fine if you want to have random sex. It's a very easy podcast. I can tell you how to do it.

Dress up very nicely. Go on Tinder, go into a bar, and you will find a man who will sleep with you. You don't need to make a podcast about that. Everybody knows how to get a casual fling. And if you don't, then there is many things on how to do it. Do a little thirst trap, do a little this, do a little that. It's very easy.

So it flabbergasts me, one might say, when I speak about these things and women go, oh, well, to be facetious, obviously, they're just trying to spike my engagement. But what they say is, oh, but what if I just want to sleep with someone? Oh, but what if I just want to live with someone? Well, the algorithm, but that's very easy. Men are dying to sleep with you and men are dying to move in in order to have easy access to you without doing anything in return. He doesn't have to invest much or do much.

He just moves into your house. Now he has someone to look after him, clean for him, do everything for him, and to sleep with him. Very, very good. Everybody wins if that's the lifestyle you want. Now, this podcast and this conversation is for those who want a family life. Again, the reason I use the word family life and quotations as opposed to marriage and children is because some of you might not want what the idea of marriages and quotations, as in we go down to the city hall and we sign up and we put in the documents.

For me, I really like that idea. I like the idea of signing documents. I like the idea of marriage. I like the idea of a wedding. The idea of a ritual wedding is to show in front of everyone who is near and dear to you. There will never be another occasion. I've learned this and I've been married almost 10 years where everybody you love is in one room. It's not going to be when your child is born. It's not going to be on their first birthday.

It's not going to be on you or 30th birthday or your 20th birthday. No, it's going to be at your wedding where every single person you love can be in one room to celebrate you. And not only that, those people are there in a tribal way to hold you accountable to this ritual that you guys have embarked on. So it's not even about government or signing papers, but it's a two-tier thing. Marriage is great because it says that me and you are together in this thing and we're going to grow together because I don't believe you find the person. and you're meant to be with. I think you grow with the person. You're meant to be with. You grow a relationship together. And that is something you build. You don't find. It's not lying there on the ground like a pebble. It's something you create. So in that term of marriage, when you stand up there and in front of everyone say that this is something you're embarking on, it's very important,

especially for the masculine in the relationship, because it gives them that sense of responsibility and almost the heaviness and duality of it. And yes, I said heaviness, because it makes a them responsible for what it is they're embarking on. And if they're not ready, then they're not ready for that life. They say, oh, why should I earn a certain salary? Why should I do a certain thing? Because it's bloody expensive to raise children, to have a wife, to do all these things. It's not an endeavour for everybody, and nor should it be. But the reason I don't say marriage is because you might not believe in that, and I'm not here on this podcast to tell you why you should. So let's just say family life, right? And I'm not going to say children because some of you

might not be able to have them or not want them. So a family can be a man and a woman in a masculine feminine relationship together also where they have those roles and they're growing together and they have a committed relationship. This podcast is more about why if you want that commitment and you want him to play that role of provider and protector in your life and potentially, let's say 90% of you want children and let's say 80% of you want marriage and a ring, let's talk about it in those paradigms, why the worst thing you can do is play wifie before you've been made one. Now let's go back and talk about what playing wifie means before we say why it's a bad idea and why it won't lead you to where you want to go.

Playing wifie means the duties of sexual care for him. And what I mean by that is making sure that he has his sexual needs met. A lot of men will say to me in my comments or a lot of you will rebuke with, well, if I don't sleep with him, then he's going to go and find someone else. Until he's your fiancé or your husband, his sexual needs are not your problem. You are not a sexual therapist. You are not a sex worker. That is not your profession. I don't know why you care about the random sexual satisfactions of random men. It is almost bizarre that the idea that, oh no, he'll go and sleep with someone else scares you. If you're not ready to sleep with that man because you want a committed relationship and you want to see that he's committed

you do, then you should not be sleeping with him because of the threat of, oh my God, what if his pee-p needs somewhere to go and I need to provide it? You need to provide that for your long-term relationship or your partner. That's the only time where it's even a negotiable. And even then, there will be times in your life where you can't do it due to having children or post-partum or something and then it's a negotiation. So trust me, random Jeff in the corner, his sexual needs are not your business. He's been taking care of it himself. his whole life, watching whatever he needs to watch and doing whatever he needs to do, don't let him make it your business. Number two, Wifi duty, is comfort and cooking. A lot of you will

say, but I like cooking for, I like cooking, I like cooking for everybody. Then cook recreationally. Create dinners, create times when you cook for family and he can be invited. Cook for yourself and then if he comes over, he can eat. I don't know why he's coming over. I don't know why you guys are so perturbed on to cooking for people, but it is not your responsibility to have him fed, to have him looked after, to make sure he takes his medication, to make sure he has his bottle of water when he goes to work, to do all of these caring things, that feminine touch that men actually extremely crave, and that is part of the thing that you can give him once you get married. Another one is changing your life for him, moving to another country, moving into his

house, moving him into your house, living together, cohabiting all of these big things and life decisions before he's even made up his mind that you are the one for him and the one for him I don't mean the romantic one. I mean the one that he's willing to make a life with and willing to grow with and willing to take that risk with and not even risk in terms of all this could end, but risk in terms of to love someone as a risk. It takes bravery and I want brave men in my life. If you've ever wanted to make a podcast, if you've got something to say, which I think all of you do, Spotify has a platform for you that you can do it really easily on all in one place. It's free and you can even earn money. Spotify for podcasters lets you record and edit podcasts right from your phone or computer, which is what I do.

So no matter what your setup is, it's not complicated to start creating today. Then you can distribute it everywhere that podcasts are listened to. Then you can even monetize it. You can do a Q&A section. You can do polls and all these amazing things. things. Basically, it was really, really easy for me to do. For me, the obstacle was the tech aspect and I know a lot of you wanted to hear from me. So Spotify made it possible for me to create this podcast. So I'm really grateful. Download the Spotify for podcasters app or go to www. Spotify.com forward slash podcasters to get started. I don't want men who need to test it out first, need to see. What are you testing out? But we'll go into that why it's about.

The third wife thing is to either change your life, move countries, move house, move in with him, do all of these things that are going to take years out of your life. And then when he doesn't want you in three or five years, when he's decided you're not the one because he's done all the prodding and testing and decided he can do better, that's going to set you back. You would have been living with Tom Dick and Harry when you shouldn't have been, and now you're set back. Now let's decide why these things are a bad idea if you want to have married. with somebody. If you're going to base your life on performing these tasks for men who haven't decided on you yet and they're still selling you this whole notion of I want to see who you are and if we're compatible before we make this move, you're going to be buying into being someone's placeholder. You are not going to be their first choice. You are not their dream girl because

men don't do this with their dream girl. You're going to buy into this BS that they try and sell you about I want to see how it goes and I want to test out what it is. You want to see if your genitals match. You want to see if cohabiting is a good idea because he washes his plates and you wash your plates. And you're going to fall for this trap of wasting years and years with men. And then they're going to turn to you and say, oh, I don't want a woman who's lived with seven men or who has more than 10 sexual partners or who's cohabited with all these men and played wifie to them. I want someone who just wants to do that for me. wha-wh-wh-wh-wha. Here's the catch. Men always go on about how they don't want this, that and the other,

but they want to get away with the free ride with you. They want to trick you into basically being a placeholder whereby you live with them, you pay 50% of their rent, and you create easy access to sex for them. They don't have to go out. They don't have to go to bars. They don't have to go on Tinder. It's very comfortable and easy while they look for the woman that is the one. Because if you were the one and you said, I'm sorry, I don't do this thing with random men. I'm only. I'm only, you're going to do this with my husband or my future husband or the one who's decided on me or whatever that level of commitment means to you. I can't tell you when that commitment occurs. For me, ideally, I wouldn't move in with someone until they are talking about an engagement or

engaged to me. I don't want to know about it. Number one, it's a bad idea because it blocks you from dating other men. If you keep cohabiting with men playing their wifie, it stops you from dating other men. And I always recommend that when you're dating, you date several people, number one, because a competition brings the best to the top. The top will rise because men are competitive. Not that you should tell them that you're dating other people, but you're not sleeping with these men, remember? And as soon as you start living with a man sleeping with him and cooking for him, you can then no longer date other men. You're no longer than a single woman because you are playing wifie, no matter how you swing that cat, that's what you're doing. So you're blocking other options. You can't

let the cream rise to the top because right now you're single, you're 25, you're 30, you're 21, you're even 40, you might still want that lifestyle in children and marriage. Doesn't matter, right? As long as it's the lifestyle you want, it's not about your age. And you're there, you've got a certain amount of time, and you're letting yourself be tested by all these guys, Jeff, Derek and Clive, you're moving in with them, letting them take a ride on you for five years, and then they decide not to buy. Who goes into a car dealer, ship, drives a Porsche for five years, and then goes, no, it's not for me, I don't want to buy it. Well, then the men after that are going to be like, well, I don't want a secondhand Porsche.

And I don't want to hurt your feelings and call you secondhand or anything like that, but I do want to make it a little bit spicy for you so the message lands. Because it's men who call you, who talk about you in these ways. It's not me. I don't care if you sleep with 500 people, sleep with the whole village, sleep with the whole army. I really don't care. If that's what you want, like I said, if that's the lifestyle you want, it's very easy. you do you. But this is for the women who want to get married. So if you're going to cohabit with all these

men and play wifie, you're cutting yourself off from dating other potential men who might have interest in you. So if you meet Jeff and you move in with him and you shack up and you're playing wifey, next week you could have met an amazing man called Dave. But now you can't date him. Now you can't see what he's about because you're cohabiting with Jeff waiting for him to propose. How do I know this? Because all of my DMs are filled with this. We've been together seven years. We've been together 10 years. How do I make him move on it? You don't make him move on it because you've already given him everything. You're already playing wife. What is his motivation to go and marry you? I'm sorry, we need to be very logical about it. There is no motivation to go and marry

you. And it's not about tricks and games or this or that or the other, but what you're doing is a feminine form of manipulation. You are giving him all the duties and hope to have duties turned. You are giving him wife duties in order to hope that he then provides for you like a husband and protects you like a husband and pays the bills like a husband. But he didn't sign up for that. That's your manipulation in saying, okay, I'll do all this and then I'll charge you at the end. You're like a dodgy salesman where you don't say it up front, but you say it later. And I don't like that. And that's not what we're going to do. We're going to do it up front. We're going to date people. We're going to see which cream rises to the top. And when that cream rises,

and you decide you like this guy the most, and he's talking about this, that and the other thing, look, I'm going to make a whole other episode on when to sleep with a guy, in my opinion, and that's going to be a whole topic going into that. But let's just say the time has come when you feel you want to sleep with him. And he's talking about, oh, you know, come over, maybe we should move in together. Maybe you should, you know, oh, I love it. If you cook for me, blah, blah, blah.

Let him know very quickly that that would be amazing, but I don't want to live with anyone but my future husband. just like that very simple it doesn't have to be a big discussion you don't need to tell him when why or who or what well underneath what you just tell him that is your boundary you don't need to room with other people you don't need to waste your time and money living with random men no it's very nice to date you we can maybe go on holidays together we can travel I can visit you sometimes but I'm not going to move my whole life it's not going to happen when you're checking up with random men who have not chosen to have a future with you,

you're also affecting your self-esteem. When I get your emails that tell me my self-esteem is low, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to raise my self-esteem, it's problematic, etc, etc. I want to tell you something. The feminine gains her self-esteem by the boundary she has and who she lets around herself. So if you've lived with five men who've decided you're not the one for them after trialing you for five years each, and imagine how long that time has been,

it's been 20, 25 years, and all of them, after trialing you, have decided that your wifeiness is not enough. Because you were convenient, but you weren't the one. How am I supposed to raise your self-esteem? You didn't love yourself and protect yourself enough from letting these people live with you for no reason for free. By for free, I mean morally, emotionally and financially, and all these things. You've shared bills with them. You've been auditioning like a clown to be there, wife and the audition didn't go successfully once, twice, three times, four times, five times. And your whole body, your whole sense of who you are is screaming to you, why did you let these men do this to me? Why did you let them trial me? Why did you let this happen? And what you're

going to tell me right now is, oh, it's better than to have married them. No, no, no, my friend, they wouldn't have married you. These five men would have been by the wayside, lying in the dust years and years ago, 10 years ago, 15 years ago, because they wouldn't have made those moves because they wouldn't have married you. And you could have been dating and met the one that is meant for you. You settled to be a placeholder as opposed to date, see who's for you and see who's the man who's like, yeah, it's me, I'm the one. I want to do this with you. Yes. As opposed to, oh, let me test drive it and see for a little bit. How's the cooking? How's the puss? How's the apartment that you're going to do 50-50 with me on.

No, that's not how you build a family life. That is not how you get married. That is not how it works. I'm sorry. Living with people, live with a roommate. You say you want to save money. You want to save money, but you want to give away your life for it. You want to save money living with him.

That's fantastic. Save money. But you're also wasting your time. And when you come to me and you're 35 and you say, oh, I want to get married, but I don't know. Time has passed and I didn't get married. Well, that's because you wanted to save rent. What sense does that make?

What do you think roommates are for? What do you think living by yourself is for? What do you think living with your parents is for? Many, many cultures you live with your parents. You build your career, you build your life. To live with someone is to build a family structure with somebody. What you're doing by living with these men is just becoming convenient for them. And after I've explained all this, my dear beautiful souls, you always come back to me and you say this, you say to me. But Margarita, I want to see if we're compatible. I want to live with you. him and you know what I want to say all of this don't follow my advice I'm just saying how I think ideally it is I'm not saying how everyone should do it and I'm not saying that all of the time that this is how it should be live with everyone if you want if

you don't mind but I'm answering the DMs and I'm answering the emails of everyone saying why isn't he marrying me I want marriage and I want children and I've been living with him this is to you this is to those women so we've answered why it's bad because it blocks you from dating the man that you could find in the end. We've answered why it's bad because of your self-esteem and we'll answer why it's bad because it's logically faulty. You tell me you want to see what he's like before you marry him because you want to see if you're compatible. So riddle me this. 70% of people in the US, I'm using the US as an example because it's a big demographic. I know a lot of you are listening from the UK and Australia and

all over the world, but let's just use the US as a demographic. 70% of people cohabit before they get married in the US. So they're all trialing each other out. They're all testing each other out and cohabiting. They're matching if their genitalia match because everyone tells me, you know, you've got to, you've got to sleep with everybody to see who matches you best and then that person's going to be your future husband. Fantastic. So that's what you're doing. You're then also seeing your cleaning habits. Who does what? Who does what? Okay, that matches too. You're then living together. You're having a house together. Okay, that matches. So all those 70% of people have lived together and let's say half of them decide that they actually match and they get married because nobody moves in

together realizes they don't match and then get married anyway. No, 100% of the people who get married, let's call it 99% and exclude the one, you know, for errors. 99% of people who get married after cohabiting, after testing and trialing that everything matches and works and it's all perfect, get married because it worked, right? So they are compatible. Then they go get married. And in the first five years, the divorce rate is 60%. So what, what happened? Where did the trial go wrong, my friends?

You've tested you're compatible. You all got married because you're compatible. And then it all goes wrong. Now, my point isn't that marriages don't go wrong. My point is, cohabiting with him, changing your life, moving countries, doing this one, the other one, jumping through hoops, playing wifey, doing all these things, didn't save you from that. 60% I'll divorce did it.

Whilst 50 years ago, before people gohabited, the divorce rates were much lower. There are other circumstances, I understand that, but what I'm saying is that gohabiting experiment doesn't work. Because people change, that even if you see what he's like to live with after marriage, after children, after stresses, after everything, and especially after the myth has been burst like a bubble in our female head, that once we have the children, once we are pregnant, once we can't work at the capacity that it's not about equality, it's about equity. So we all matched up, we all cleaned the house together, we all paid 50%, then we decided to get married and bam,

suddenly you're overworked, you're overtired, like I talk about in my course and online, you are now the horse or the cow. You're an overworked horse or you're a maternal cow. You're hating your life and you're like, no, this is not what I wanted. The cohabiting didn't help you realize that. You could have easily dated him for six. months a year, waited until he commits to you and get serious and then lived with him after the engagement and seen the same thing, my love, and not wasted 10, 15 years cohabiting and auditioning for random men. Remember, you are the Simon Cowell of your life. You're not the American Idol contestants. You need to pick a person and then create a life with them. They don't come as a package.

So when you then move in with them, you know that you're both in this to create a marriage and a family lifestyle and you work on it. You work your damnedest. You work really hard. It's not about seeing if you can fit perfectly into someone's life. It's about working hard at it. And it's not about seeing if you're compatible. It's about etching each other out and creating almost a mastermind, a third entity of you two together where you might be good at this, he's good at that, but together you're excellent at both things. It's an enterprise. It's like a business. It's like a business partnership and relationship. So stop this, oh, it's just so suitable and it just super works and then we're going to run off into the hills together. Romance. That's not what it is.

Yes, there's sexual romance. Yes, there's all those elements. But don't go into these commitments before people are ready to start that with you. Don't start businesses with people, in quotation metaphorically, or marriages, with those who don't want that. Don't be people's placeholder. If he's not ready for marriage and all that, he's not ready. It's okay. You don't need to convince him. You don't need to him. It's the men who need to woo us. The sperm chases the egg. It's okay. You don't need to convince men who don't want that in their life that that's what they want because he got what he wants and he's not bad for it. He's a biological organism that understands that he need to do nothing, give you no commitment in order to live with you, get access to sex, get access to your cooking,

get access to your comfort, get access to your femininity and then he's free to walk away out of trialing for five, six, seven, ten years. He's free. I want you to understand the bad you hold. I want you to understand that the frustration you feel is real. And I want you to understand the idea that we've been sold is a lie because the idea of equality is what makes it break down in the end. Yes, we're all wonderful and we're all equal in terms of our value as humans. But the things that we perform and what we're capable of and how we need to protect ourselves is very different. We need to understand that women have a vulnerability. A lot of crimes are perpetrated, well, majority of them, by men who know a woman.

We need to have more protective mechanisms around us. We don't need to do sexual things with men we don't know. We don't need to move in with men we don't know. Because at the core of it, and I don't want you to lie to yourself, this is the truth and I know it to be the truth. There is 10% of you who want casual sex. There's 10% of you who just want a partnership and to live with a guy and want nothing out of it.

But the 90% of you, when you're sleeping with a guy, you're doing wify duties, you already see him as your future husband. Because women don't date and do this and live with men, in this capacity and give them their life and move their lives just for cohabiting and sex and, you know, just cute fun. They don't. If you're doing that for a man, if you're doing the wifie things, you're imagining that you're investing that time, effort and everything

into your future husband. Otherwise, you would not do it. Our biological toll is too much. You might be on the pill, but your body does not know that you are on it and that you are currently infertile because of the pill, let's just say, your body thinks you're shacking up with this man, you're sleeping with him because he's worthy of being your husband, and therefore your brain will follow and convince you of that, and you will fall deeper and deeper for him, so it will be no

testing each other. It's him just testing you. And sometimes he might be a good guy who might have proposed to you and might have built that with you, but you just let him get away with not doing it. And then at the end, he's practical. Why should he do it? It's sometimes good to make people reach. That's why, as many of you guys might not like fairy tales, but there's a metaphor in the fact that the prince comes and slays the dragon. There's got to be some effort and difficulty into convincing you that he's the one above everyone else. And that's a power you have and you should use it. Next week we'll talk about when there's a good time to sleep with a man. It needs to be a whole episode on its own. I think that's a discussion that confuses a lot of women. I don't think I'd be the one

telling you what to do here. I thought everyone does it in their own time, but if there is some things to be said, we'll talk about it next week. Thank you all for listening. And if you guys want to delve more into your feminine energy, I have my 20 feminine energy principles on my website, www.margarita.com. I've also got my Amazon list on there, my TikTok, my YouTube, which has a lot of self-development content on there that is different to the content that you will get on here. So I hope you enjoy all those things, all those free resources. And of course, if you choose to listen to that, it's a masterclass. It lasts two hours and it's 20 steps into stepping into your feminine energy.

Until next week, guys, love you lots like jelly tots. Bye.