BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 151: How to win at life

Episode Date: February 8, 2026

→ FREE LIVE CALL MARCH 03: From Triggered to Unbothered. Join herehttps://www.margaritanazarenko.com/livecall-opt→ Pre-Order my NEW Book: Unbothered: The Art of Letting Go to Find Yourself by Margarita Nazarenko https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/unbothered-book-preorder→ Pre-ordered already? Claim your bonus: https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/pre-order → UNBOTHERED 3 Day Masterclass: https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/joinlive→ FREE: The Unbothered Reset: 30 Days to Become Her.Every day for 30 days, you’ll receive a short email. Start the 30-Day Reset: https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/unbotheredreset→ The New Rules Book: https://linktr.ee/thenewrulesbook→ HER Journal: https://margaritanazarenko.myshopify.com/products/her-journalCourses aren’t public anymore, join via email.Find me:IG: @margarita.nazarenkoPodcast: Being HerBusiness/Press: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How do I keep the hearing. Excuse the acoustics. If you are listening to this on an audio platform, you'd be like, what in the actual audio hell is this? But I will fix it. As you can see, I'm in a new space. And there is no furniture. But there is a lot of knowledge.

And there is a lot of things I have to say. I want to teach you on this episode how winning is done, how to win at life. The universal laws that people ran. teach you and tell you about how you're going to win at life how those women who have it all have it all you understand what I'm saying how they have their businesses their kids their their self-esteem all of it rolling into one because growing up I used to be obsessed with the feeling of women and the idea of women who have

this life that I wanted and it's not always in the most obvious ways that you think it would be there are layers and elements to it that you would never suspect and I want to share maybe 10, little 10 little tidbits with you today about how that can be you. And it's way more attainable than you think, okay? I've got my trusty phone here with my notes, and let's get into it. I'm not going to waste your time today.

Number one, win the inner game first. A lot of people spend their time trying to win socially, trying to win in relationships, trying to win with friends, trying to win in this way that women toxicically often get, it's almost pitted into where they try and win the game of beauty or the game of the best university or the game of the best, I don't know, wench in the village, I don't know, whatever game it is you're playing, but we're often, and meant to, pitted against a system, each other,

an idea, a beauty concept in different countries, and beauty concepts are different, and we're often trying to chase this esoteric idea that isn't even real. If it's your friendship group, give you to know those girls in a friendship group they're all dressed the same they all have a black t-shirt on a jeans and another friendship group they all dress the same too they come from an ecosystem a culture and a vibe where the competitions in each group are different a woman who wins her life and has it all competes with herself first she wins the inner game first the time i started to gain success universally on like a mastery level and if the doors started to open was when i decided to become securely attached, regulate my nervous system, and not chase things that are

outside myself. I wasn't necessarily thinking about career or children or anything like that. I just got sick of performative actions and trying to be like someone I'm not. Not that I was aggressively doing that or anything. I wasn't trying to be someone I'm not in terms of like, for example, I did this universe, which is all predicated on trying to have a certain image and a certain vibe and somewhere in my late 20s I think at the age of 28 I had a series of ego death tragedy style things that happened if you guys have been following me for a long long long long time you might know what happened and it caused me to rethink my whole self as a person I started to operate from a place of inner calm of wanting to first present myself to the

world as who I am and not necessarily about winning or imprinting a personality that someone might want you to have or a look that someone might want you to have and the game is in a mastery so do the inner work first win the inner game first be happy with yourself first the universe reacts to you according to how you react with yourself if you feel good about yourself the universe affirms that you are a person who deserves things if you're constantly writhing in the energy of trying to achieve something the universe responds accordingly and makes you always have to fight to achieve something.

So winning the inner game means emotional self-control. It means all the things I talk about on all my other podcasts. I'm not going to go into it. But essentially it just means being good with yourself, being good in your own company. If you're always wanting to be on your phone to detach from yourself, to run away from yourself, that is the place you need to start. Not how society sees you, not how friendship groups see you, not how your mum and her dog see you, but how you see you. only expert on your life is you, the only person who knows what you should do next is you. If you think someone else is going to come and tell you what to do, they're not, they don't have the expertise on your life.

They might be more intelligent. They might have more experience. They might have more expertise, but they have not lived as you. So that is number one. Number two is detachment. This one changed my life. Not detachment from people, not detachment from love, but detachment from outcomes. When you can detach from an idea of how something should work out or how something should happen,

you become universally flexible and better things can come into your life than you ever thought they could occur. So you might have an idea that you love the color red or you love the color black and you want to paint your walls black, for example, but you don't know that the color blue is going to look so much better. If you're open to flexibility and then you paint the walls the color blue, I'm just talking completely something that's not related to what you should be actually detaching from, you are open to outcomes that you never thought could happen. I was training as an actor. I thought that's what I wanted to do.

But upon realizing that I don't want to go to Hollywood and work in Hollywood and be an actual actor, that I just romanticize the notion of being in a movie, I realized that what I wanted to do is communication. What I wanted to do is be on camera or on a stage and talk to people and feel that energy. I didn't necessarily want to go to another country and, you know, become an actress and all those things. Detachment is the power to have flexibility within what you do. Detachment from an outcome is also a superpower because a lot of us spend time, effort, energy and money because we thought life was going to turn out a certain way.

Because you thought you were going to go to university and do art. Because you thought you were going to marry a certain person. Because you thought your friend, Amanda, was going to act a certain way to you, but then she didn't invite you. and that resistance and that attachment outcomes stalls you, doesn't allow you to adjust quickly because you need to, in order to be successful in life, be flexible, act fast and adjust accordingly. Number three is never over-explain your value or try and sell yourself to anybody. You have to think of yourself universally and energetically as a high-value brand. We're talking about Hermes or Ferrari.

They don't do advertisements. They don't do upsells. They don't bargain or barter. they only do one offering, for example, if it's Hermes, they offer you a bag if you don't want it, they don't offer you another one. And it might seem conceited, and it might seem silly, and it might not be something that you want to do. But people who win never over-explain themselves and never try and oversell what they're trying to do or try and justify their actions, or try and apologize for who they are, or try and say overtly

what it is they're trying to mean. They operate through the world with good intentions, being exactly who they are, give the world to the best product they can, aka a Ferrari or an Hermes bag. There's a lot of mastery and a lot of workmanship that goes into it and you should be the same. You should work hard on yourself. You should work hard in your life. You should create the life you want, but never try and over-explain and sell yourself to anybody by saying, oh, I deserve this or I'm worthy of this or you can't treat me this way, especially if it's a man and he mistreats you in terms of being a neglectful and I'm replying to you, just those minor things. You need to stay on

your business and not try and explain why you're worthy of better treatment. Your actions and your boundaries should say those things for you. Rule number four of a woman who is successful in life and has it all is you need to build your life around your energy and your cycle and times in your life. There are times when I work my ass off, it kind of aligns with my cycle when we are most effervescent and productive. Other times I need to take it slow. or be more introverted and those are the times when I will write my book for example I try and book the times that I shoot my master classes around when I have energy and I used to be ashamed that's a strong word but I'll use it I used to be ashamed or shy of not being able to perform

every single day but I only saw success when I followed my inner clock and my body and the fact that I've got children and I run a business I have to be instinctive about it we were born in a world where a nine to five is the norm and hustle culture is also the norm and we are told that that is what we need to do if you were all men listening to this I would probably tell you to go hustle and grind nine to five because that is when your testosterone peaks and off you go to work and make me some money honey but us women we're not like that we have ebbs and flows and we can be more productive than a man on a certain day of our cycle or a certain time that

we want to be creative remember we are creators whether you have children or not We are in combination with the universe in order to create. You actually have a body that is designed to create. Whether you use it to do that or not is up to you. But what I'm saying is you still have the mind to do that. You solve the energy and you still have the care in you to be able to do that. Don't waste it frivolously. Don't run around giving your energy to other things.

Be contained in your energy. Know when you can exert a lot and say no ruthlessly to things when you feel you are not in your time to do them. Number five is be selective with where you're seen. Women who don't put themselves everywhere, every opening of every envelope, and I mean this from the big trajectory, if you want to be big, bad and famous,

or if you just want to live in your own small community, you don't need to show up to your angry auntie's Christmas party. And on a big scale, you don't need to show up to the opening of every envelope. Be selective as to where you are visibly seen. It denotes that to social media too. Stop posting every moment you're out everywhere, telling everybody about your life,

your life unless that brings you genuine joy you don't have to fall into the patterns of modern day being everywhere trying to win at everything being overly expressive mystery is your greatest superpower and visibility and where you are seen big brands and actors use this all the time also makes more impact if it is rarer and harder to get you no matter what level field you're playing at make it harder for people to get you relationships events you know places This is if it's hard to get your energy and you need commitment to show up, people will treat you better and the mystery compounds itself and you create a little legend around yourself. When I first started out in my career, I used to try and go to every event, be available

for everything, say yes to everything. I am now hugely selective about who I work with, what I do, where I go and usually my answer is no as opposed to yes. is a big lesson for me this last year and just generally. Stop auditioning for a room you don't respect. Stop asking your opinions of people you don't respect. Stop trying to be liked by people you don't respect or like. Why? Because you just want to be likable. Just because you want to keep the peace. Just because you want what? Good girl to be written on your tombstone or something. She was such a good girl and she was so benign and she never pissed anyone off.

Stop auditioning for rooms you don't respect. If you don't admire the people in the room, don't be in the room. Don't try and be likable by them. Don't confront them and be ugly either, but don't be in that room. If the people don't want you, don't want to be around you, are mean to you, are disrespectful to you, or disrespectful to those around you, remove yourself from those spaces. Do not try and explain yourself. Never complain. Never explain.

Remove your presence. That energy is going to go to something that you're actually going to build and is going to build you a more rewarding and naturally fulfilling life. it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you're constantly auditioning for a room of people who you don't respect, you are saying to the universe that I want to be like these people.

Also asking opinions of the majority of people. Majority of people have not got the health they want, have not got the bank account that they want, have not got the lifestyle they want, and don't have the marriage they want. So if you're asking those people for their opinion, you will get a life like them. Only listen to the opinions of those

whose life you want, and most importantly, listen to the opinion of yourself. Number seven is people will remember. reveal themselves over time. In business, in relationships, a strategy, a very feminine energy strategy is to watch like a snake on a rock and let people reveal themselves. There is nothing you need to say in the moment. Your biggest power play is a pause. There is nothing you need to do. There's no reflex. There's no fire that's burning. You need to sit and watch and let people reveal themselves. People reveal a lot. If you listen to people, you will learn a lot of

information. If you talk a lot, you'll give a lot of information and you won't gain a lot of information. Observe first. Time exposes the truth. The truth always comes out. There is nothing that you need to do in order to hasten that process. Remember when you want to act assertively, aggressively or hasten something that is not feminine energy and feminine energy is waiting and watching, making a wise decision from what has presented itself as opposed to acting first. Number eight is build a life that is so rich and full that you're not bargaining all the time. You're not bargaining with fate. You're not bargaining for someone to like you to spend time with you to be with you and this comes in the men cycle when your life is rich you don't negotiate your

standards when your life is precious to you this is why i gained a superpower after our children again i'm not saying you need them to have the superpower but for me i'm others oriented i will move mountains trust and believe for the people behind me to walk through i didn't do that for myself before i had children i didn't do that i was like yeah i'm fine sitting at the back yeah i'm fine not having money yeah i'm fine not doing my thing because that's just my personality type right but when I had these minions and my mom and people I love I will literally just move and I will walk through because I know who's following me you need to find out your motivation you need to find out a life that makes you just feel so full and passionate that you're willing to move mountains some people

it's beauty and beauty is close to godliness and in terms of art we have succumbed to a fact that we see beauty and we see see that kind of thing as superficial but I mean beautiful of the spaces around you, beauty of architecture. It's something that is close to divinity. Maybe that motivates you. Maybe some improvement motivates you. Maybe it's others. Maybe it's like that guy who's been in the jungle

and he's on all podcasts right now, talking about he wants to conserve the rainforest. Maybe it's that. Find a life that is so full that bullshit does not penetrate it and that it doesn't allow you to compromise. Fulness creates optionality where you don't have to eat.

to eat at a shitty buffet because you're already full. Number nine, this one's going to be hard for you because I see you in my DMs and my messages. Be emotionally honest with yourself, but expressively strategic. Yeah? Do you know what I mean? So you're emotionally honest to every, to, to yourself, you understand how you feel about that. She stood you up without hurt your feelings. She yelled at you and putting it in a friendship scenario. It hurt your feelings. You deduce why that happened because if you fly off the hinge and you're emotionally expressive straight away, you could create a reality where you expend a lot of energy for no reason. He didn't confirm a date with you. Understand who you feel. Be emotionally honest. But watch if it's a

pattern and be expressively strategic. You don't need to leak your emotions and your language. and your expression all the time because you know what it does it leaks your energy it saps your energy it means you don't have energy for yourself or to create the life that you want if you're always leaking out your energy in order to express it everywhere it's called emotional leakage you can be real without being a bleeding wound all over everyone and everywhere because being a bleeding wound it means you have to restitch it and means you have to recalibrate winning women know how to feel pause, strategically plan and then react. Not because you're trying to do something coercive,

not because you're trying to get a result, but because you know your energy is expensive. It is the most expensive thing you have. 10 is choose long-term character and elegance over short-term relief. When you want to fly off the handle, when you want to do something crazy or speak out the side of your head,

think about that most people lose. lose because they choose comfort and that is like leaking emotionally screaming not going to the gym not doing the work not pursuing your purpose not doing the hard thing we're so accustomed to doing the easy thing oh I don't want this because life is easier just life is so easy you're not here to be like this sandfly that just walks around and dies you're here to do hard things because hardships make you things that push you and like the easiest thing I can I can say is people who either do like this guy in rainforest conservation or even motherhood things that push you to your spiritual limits and physical limits make you grow and make you someone worthy of reverence right

so we all choose comfort and we choose emotional comfort and that means flying off the handle means just saying the thing means texting him why didn't you reply means writing to your business partner some off the hinge thing feminine energy winning means choosing long-term elegance like a queen, like a strategic monarch, over this comfort of peasantry, like belching and swinging the air, okay? This is just an analogy. Play the long game beautifully. Play the chess game beautifully. Make your life a beautiful, bloody performance. And I mean that in the real way, because this is not a rehearsal. The life's a stage. And this is, this is the play. We're doing it now. I love you, lots like Jenny tots. I'll see you in the next one. Bye.

Thank you.