BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 154: 15 Truths That Will Break Your Heart But Set You Free

Episode Date: March 1, 2026

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Greetings and salutations. My beautiful humans, this podcast is one in the series of brutal truths that might break your heart but finally set you free. This one is about the theme of power, love, money, and all those juicy, juicy things that I know you adore and love. I was thinking about it that sometimes the most incredible things are on the other side of hard truths. They kind of break you open and change your life. So today we're going to talk about 15 truths that will break your heart finally set you free. It will unlock a different version of you. Okay. Oh, here we are. We have come in closer for a better view and a better

conversation. Okay. 15 truths and I've noted them down in my trusty phone. I should really write them down at some kind of book and then release it as a as a truths to to behold but anyway yeah I'm feeling a little bit interesting today it's a very rainy day it's a very moody day I've got 10,000 emails to reply to and when I say 10,000 I mean 10,000 she is organized at life but not organized the emails anyone know how to reply to emails I want to work for me okay listen number one truth that will break something open in you and it's hard when you're younger especially to come to terms with this, but as you grow up, you will realize it's like something that will completely change your life. If someone cheats on you, contemplates cheating on you,

does cheat on you, it's rarely about, and look, I'm not going to say it the generic thing. It's not about you. It's about them. Like obviously, everyone's on their own different life journey. But it's rarely about upgrading. It's about escaping the version of themselves that they have come to know with you. And sometimes you know that classic where you see a woman who is amazing and her husband cheats on someone we see as less optimal than the woman he cheated on. And that's just our opinion because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, be a holder. Beauty's in the eye of the beholder. So we can't, we can't judge that.

But it's often the version of himself he's chasing is the version he now wants to meet with this other person. It might be that he feels more powerful with her. It might be that he feels more in love with himself with her. his ego, it might be something that he can teach her something. You know those old adages about that, you know, you're so amazing, you make money, you look so hot, you're this, that and you're this bombastic, fantastic chihuahua, and he goes off with her over there. Well, he's trying to meet a different version of himself. And the reason it sets you free is that people don't cheat for better. They cheat for a new version, a new reality, a new storyline. That does not make their cheating good.

That does not make their cheating excusable. That does not mean you should now see him in a different frame and forgive him. No, you should let the door knob hit him or the good lord split him. That's the door. And they just cheat just because they don't know how to meet a new version of themselves. It's like a new rebirth, you know?

Sometimes we get stuck in knowing ourselves with the partner that we have, even sometimes in a sexual way, sexual relationships get re-stuck when you know just one version of yourself with that person and that storyline keeps repeating and that's the only version of yourself you knew. It's an identity seeking exercise and not a comparison shop. It's got almost nothing to do

with you. And also, it's not your fault or your choice of how they see themselves around you. You do not need to make yourself less than her in order for him to then come back to you. It just means the book has ended and that's where the power lies. That's why it was never about you. And the power in that is that you cannot control him. You cannot control his storyline or his story arc. And sometimes if you are the main character, which you are because you're watching this channel, you'll be forced into a new storyline and into a new story arc by the situation that has occurred. Okay? And when he does that, this is your new chapter, your new beginning. You know, something has happened where you now have to scale Mount Mordor and people will help you on the way.

People and life is magical and it opened the magical doors. I hope you're enjoying the Pepper Pig House in the background if you're watching this on video. and if you're listening on audio, then I have a feeling you're going to enjoy the audio experience a lot more as of the next coming weeks. Yes, she's hired a sound guy. Number two, this will break your heart. The harder you work for love, the less valuable you often feel. We're taught, and I'm going to say as women from this angle, because men are celebrated in life for doing, and women are told to do a lot of doing because we make ourselves more convenient via the doingness of our existence. but we don't become more valuable.

Want more. Very difficult, very tricky reality. We, as the saying goes, if you want something done, give that task to a busy mother, because she'll, you know, perform that task very quickly. Effort does not equal value for a woman in this world. Yes, it might mean you make more money. In certain aspects, yes, it might mean that people appreciate you

because, you know, Judith over there always comes through, but overgiving creates imbalance, fatigue on your side, burnout. And the world is sadly aggressive and dismayed and kind of, what is the right word? Excusing, just move aside. They don't see women who work hard and burn themselves out for the thing that they have done. They don't celebrate them, kind of like those veterans that come back that aren't looked after by that country after serving in the war. They're just put aside. People value what they feel values themselves when it comes to women.

not what they feel that they have to appreciate because of the virtue of the fact that she's done so much. They just take that for granted. Men who want you will just want you, not because of how much doing you've done, but because of who you are, because of your being. And the liberating fact about this is you cannot work hard enough to be loved more. You cannot prove to him why you're lovable. You cannot tell your family and children that you've done this much, that much, the other one. You just need to pull back and do more for yourself because the most loved women are the ones who pour into themselves.

therefore they get something in return from their family because they are loved and they are appreciated because of all the things that they do for themselves and they have energy to give back. The moral of the story of number two is you will not be appreciated for your sacrifice but you will be appreciated for the woman you become, not for what you do. Number three, you cannot convince someone to see your value. Tied into number two, but this is more of a speaking element. You cannot explain your value to someone.

Notice how Ferrari and Hermes and Bentley don't have adverts online. They don't advertise. They don't talk about why their bags are so good, like cars are so fast, but they have an intrinsic huge value in the world. If they don't see it, a person, your value, it's not because you have not told them enough. It's not because they've misunderstood it. It's not because you need to explain a little bit more.

It's not because you need to do a little bit more talking. it's because they don't see that in you and that's okay because the liberating truth in it is if they see it, they will see it and if they don't, then they don't. You just need to stop auditioning for people who don't see your value

and be present for the ones that do and this applies super much, super much. My English isn't English in today but this applies a lot in friendship. This applies in friendship. You're going to audition a lot, trying to convince people to see your value, try harder, jump through invisible hoops like a decorated poodle.

And they're going to take you for granted, baby girl. They're going to take you for granted. Stop auditioning because your tribal see you. Number four, most rejection is a redirection from a version of yourself you've outgrown. Let me tell you the truth and a fact that had I not been cheated on in my relationship in my early 20s, I'd probably still be trying hard with that man. because back then, I probably wouldn't have now because I've grown up and I'm a big, bad, and I'm a jammer. But I would have been keeping trying hard. Again, the English is not Englishing, but I would have kept trying hard to make that relationship work.

Because that is just who I am and how I've grown up. I went to an old girl school, work harder, you can do anything, you can be Madam President. If I can be a damn president, why can't I make this guy over here? Appreciate me, girl. You can't. That's the thing about love, yeah? rejection is a redirection from the person you've outgrown. When I look back on my first boyfriend and this boyfriend who cheated, I had people who dated around that, but then I met my husband. If I'd been in those relationships still, I would have, already in those relationship, outgrew those people.

And not in a bombastic way, like, I'm better than them. They might be better than me in all other aspects, right? Different aspects, but I had outgrown them completely. And if that person is not growing with you, there will be some kind of rejection that needs to hit you in the face like a ton of bricks first the universe communicates with a feather then with a brick and then with a tornado so you better respond to the feather before the brick has to hit you in the face right you're not being denied something you're not being told that you're not good enough you're often being reruted and this again applies for

friends jobs everything if you take things lightly and in your stride almost like a storyline that's unfolding imagine yourself like a movie character understand that the ego will call it rejection, but your growth, it calls it alignment girl. It calls it she didn't see it. She would have just tried working harder like I would have with my second relationship where I got cheated on. I would have tried working harder. It needed to be a brick, right? It needed to be a brick. Some women don't listen to the brick. They will marry that guy and then they'll get cheated on when they already have 2.7 children. Okay. Numero on do, one do stress, quattro. I don't know, I know it's learned Spanish, but five, number five, closure is often.

self abandonment disguised as maturity. Okay? This is a big one because a lot of you, dear listener, talk about speaking to a man about what he's done to you in a conversation and explaining to him the value you have and why you can't treat people in this way, that way, the other way. But closure is often actually self-abandonment because you're exposing yourself.

Imagine yourself as an inner child, your inner child. And you as an adult, are dragging the inner child? and being like, explain to Becky why nobody played with her at the playground. You're dragging her right there. Explain to Becky why no one wants to play with her. Go on, everybody. And Becky's there embarrassed in front of these people losing her dignity and calling it maturity. And do you think that that's what you need to do? You're dragging your literal self into that man's messenger and saying, explain to everybody, explain to me why you didn't want me. Why are you diminishing your value that way? why are you doing that? You don't need the final conversation. You need to protect yourself from being around that person. Imagine yourself as a person who's parenting your own inner child. Someone's rejected your child. You're not going to march them up there and be like explain to Becky where she was rejected. You're going to be like Becky, girl, we're going for ice cream. Who rejected you? We don't know Sophia. We don't know Susie. We don't know Susie. Wow. Now this is going to be a talking monologue if you're watching this in real life, in IRL. You'll know my camera dive, but we move. We move. You see it's a redirection. Now you get to.

to see my kitchen. But yeah, next week, I've got a guy coming to actually help me with my audio and you guys are going to be like, wow, Margarita, we preferred you when it was shitty. We like it when it's authentic. I'm struggling for my life here, okay, with these cameras and sounds, okay? It's time we get a man to come in and fix it. Let's talk about Becky, Susanna and Rebecca. No, it was, Becky is our daughter that's our inner child. Susanna and Sarah are there. When would you ever march your child up to someone and be like explain to her why she wasn't valued, why she's not in the friendship group? You'd take that damn girl for ice cream. You would make sure there is no way on this planet that she feels anything less than you would tell her, honey, they're just jealous of you.

You would do anything to amp up that child and you instead go to this half-baked man and you tell him, I need closure, I need this conversation. He rejected you. He rejected you. He doesn't want you. waiting for them to explain why they did whatever they did to get closure is a recipe for disaster. There's a study that was done. I listened to it today on the Modern Wisdom podcast where they said a lot of people don't know why they do things. We estimate in studies and we give them reasons like why do you find this group of men attractive versus this group and we give them all these reasons

and we talk about it. It's because they've got this and that. We don't know. It's just a reaction. How are you supposed to trust a person who can't even, let's just say, not cheat on you to find the reason why they did it? They don't know why. They don't know why. They might say it's because someone was kind to them or you were drying your relationship for the last while and you had no fun together. But that would be making something up. Okay? Because there's plenty of people who are still together and they're dry and crispy and they do nothing. Yeah. So you are exposing yourself to self abandonment by seeking closure. What you need to do is grab your inner child by the scruff and be like, mommy's got this. Let's go. Number six. harsh truth that will break your heart but set you free is someone leaves it easily leaves a relationship leaves you they were never deeply anchored to you and it is not a bad thing people who are rooted don't drift away from the relationship and abandon you so if you are my anxiously attached girlie like i used to be and you're always worried about someone just drifting away like drift would down the ocean don't worry about it that's not your person when someone walks away calmly

it means they were already gone. If someone just goes to the bar with the boys and never comes home at night, that means they were already gone. Any opportunity for you to expose why somebody was not the person for you, allow them to go. Let the dog off the chain and see if it runs away. That's painful, but it's clarity to understand. There is no controlling maneuver, no guilt you can put on them, no thing you can say to make them go, oh yeah, actually, Marguerite is valuable, actually, Rachel's valuable.

you know actually tomorrow is valuable right there is no way you can do that so the quicker you can allow that dog to run free of the chain the quicker you'll know how anchored they were to you and if they're gonna be with you for life or not number seven you can be beautiful intelligent loyal sexy yes I'm talking about myself I'm joking guys I'm joking if you watch this you will see I look like a crackhead but that's fine because sometimes crackheads say the most intelligent things. Compatibility is not a merit of how great you are.

Sometimes you can be compatible with someone because you have deficits. Sometimes you can be compatible with somebody because you have the same minuses. You can be exceptional, but it still does not make you their person. So it's a whole myth where you go, I'm so amazing, therefore he should have valued me?

No, baby girl. He needs to be with Amanda. Amanda is a better suit for him that doesn't reduce your value, but you're going to be a little. amazing in someone else's eyes. I remember when I used to talk about how to meet someone you want to be with, you write a list of the traits he has, and then you think of the traits that that kind of man would want in a woman. And if you don't possess those traits, then maybe

you're not the woman for him. But that doesn't always work, because the most amazing, Adonis type guy out there can just want a normal Jessica. You know what I mean? You don't need to always be the best thing in the world. You just need to trigger something in them. With men, it's about how you make them feel. And there are myriads, myriads of interviews with women who worked in male dominated fields, in brothels, should we say, in offices where it's just just men, and they always say time and time again, it's about how a man feels around a girl and not necessarily what she presents, okay? Number eight is a quick one, yeah. Sometimes he didn't choose her of you,

sometimes he just chose ease or a lifestyle over growth and expansion, yeah? You might be the type person who likes growth, accountability, deep conversations, communication, whilst he might want escape, right? He might like video games or doing this, doing that, the other one, and she might provide that, and she might just be that easy escape for him as opposed to having expansion and growth. Some men pick comfort and other men pick evolution. So if you're the type of woman who's serving evolution, he might pick the one who chooses comfort. And that's okay because we both need a different type of man. You see what I'm saying? Number nine, you cannot be a dream girl. a girl who works on herself, does the glow up, all these things that you're taught about online

for a man who thrives in chaos, okay? If he thrives in instability and the chase and the emotional seesaw, peaceful for him, if he's got attachment issues and all those things, if you're too calm, too self-possessed, understanding where you want to go in life, you're not chaotic enough for him, you're not crying on the floor enough for him, you're not giving that dopamine rush to him, right? so that's why avoidant men often date anxious women because the anxious women will give him those unstable you know seesaws so if you want the type of guy who's chasing dopamine russian instability you know the guy you know the guy okay heathcliff then you're going to have to give him a little

bit hot and cold you're going to have to read uh robert green art of seduction and you're going to have to give him all of this performance of like messaging not messaging all of these mad things in order to keep them engaged and not actually break your heart. Would I want to do all of that? Work for a man? No, I would not. Would not advise it. But if you're thinking why I'm so, you know, I'm growing, I'm glowing up. I've got my Palladi's body, etc. And he's not valuing me. Maybe he wants a little bit of a trash raccoon as opposed to you with your empowered self. Number 10, the more you try and prove your worth, tell people how much you've done, tell people where you work, tell people that you were actually pretty in high school, tell people that you actually were on track and you

whatever it is. The more you try and prove your worth, the more you signal that you doubt yourself. A person who doesn't prove their worth doesn't say that they're coolest, most amazing, most anything, they just zip it on that fact, communicate energetically that they are that shit, okay? Convincing behavior always leaks insecurity, trying to tell people your resume, trying to tell people who you know, trying to tell people how, what your numbers are, all of that stuff by numbers, I mean like any stats that you are proud of screams in security. Sometimes you need to do it. Sometimes you'd be like, these are my numbers.

This is how much sales I've done. I am about that. But it still is you're auditioning for the person you're talking to. You talk to a boss like that. So every time you have to tell people what it is you bring to the table, you're auditioning for that person. If you're the person with the table, you don't have to prove anything. Number 11.

You don't miss him. You miss who you were or the lifestyle with him. You miss the version. of yourself that was there I mean I miss parts of my life which weren't even the best parts of my life it's like a nostalgic feeling right you miss the hope the time the desire you miss the energy and time you gave to him hoping that it would have return it does not have return and that is the grief the time you invested women always say oh I gave my youth to him not the youth babe the time

it's the one asset we cannot make you can make more money you can make Anything, right? Anything but time. Number 12. You cannot explain mother, manager, or guilt or martyr someone into maturity. Love does not fix an avoidant person. Patience does not create a character like a statue out of marble. You will not martyr yourself for him to become somebody, okay? People change when it benefits them. You cannot even change yourself. You've tried to diet and go to the gym 500 times and you've told yourself that's it. this is the one this is the one time you fall off you can't even motivate yourself what makes you believe that you can motivate someone to be a better person for you or to mature for you what are you going to do wait him out like some kind of tiger in the jungle and pounce on him like bambi when he's ready and and a buck no he's going to think that you are not relevant because you were just there for him when he men don't value it what can i say they don't value it they don't value you mothering him he's already got one mom women often put

their mothering energy into men and we should be putting it into projects, pets and children. Honestly, that's my biggest pet peeve. We mistake grown men for those who need our care when the world is burning and things that need our care are out there. Okay, feminine energy protects the things that need care and attacks the things that don't and attack the things that need care. You see what I'm saying? It's not the big man who's 35 years old that needs you're protecting mama. It's the animals and children and plants. Yeah. Number 13. Detachment is not cold. It's clarity. When you're like, I detached from him, I stopped talking to him, I start replying to him and I've denied him sex. I'm like, um, where is that detachment? That's not

detachment. That's playing games and being cold. It's detaching from changing someone and seeing them exactly as they are. It's detaching outcomes and seeing people as they are in reality as it is. and then adjusting accordingly to that reality. Let me just see what Jacob is. Let me see him. Let me try not to control him. Let me be brave and see who he is. Oh, he's like that.

Okay, do I want to be with someone like that? No, I don't. Okay, bet. Without drama, without speeches, without convincing, without auditioning. Detachment is seeing things as they are, knowing you've got your own back and making choices based on that. We've got two more team. We've got two more.

We can do this. The relationship didn't fail. It revealed the truth. All my five-year marriage failed. No, it didn't fail. It revealed the truth. It revealed the capacity. It had to hold the two of you in one capsule.

It revealed your tolerance. It revealed their imbalance. Exposure of the truth is not failure. It's exposure of the truth. How long did you want to be living in a lie? It didn't fail. You had a great relationship for five years. And then it ended because the truth was exposed.

or a change was exposed. Congratulations. You did five years. 15. The right person does not require you to shrink, chase or prove anything. If you're watching this and you've got a man in your mind and you're trying to jump mental hoops

in order to keep him entertained or what is this, they don't need to be persuaded. They don't need to be managed by you. They don't need to be convinced. They move towards you naturally. Sometimes there's ebbs and flows in my marriage. There's ebbs and flows. It's never one-sided linear.

but the right person does not need you to read 500 books and manage them. But also, I will tell your truth. Sometimes you guys are sleeping on the right men. My doorbell's going. I've got to go. On the right men who are amazing, but you're focusing on something diabolical, like, I don't know, he wears the color green too much.

Love you lots like jettetots. Bye.