BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 16: When Should You Have Sex With Him For The First Time?

Episode Date: July 10, 2023

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Welcome to Being Her, the ultimate guide to living your best life as her. Join me, Margarita, on an empowering journey to discover your feminine energy, build meaningful relationships, and find your purpose. Let's dive in and explore all things womanhood together. Hello, my loves. Today I wanted to talk to you about a subject that gets brought up quite a bit. Off the back of last Tuesday's podcast, where we talked about the subject of playing white,

fee while you're on the girlfriend's salary slash status. I said that the next podcast is going to be about sex in a relationship, when you should have it, when you shouldn't have it, and when is the first time you should have it. The reason I want it to be in this podcast and I want it to be a place where you can touch base is because essentially a lot of women have this question and a lot of women have this issue. So let's address it. Let's give you my thoughts and hopefully it can be a point of clarity for you. Now, I am not a deity that knows the ins and outs of life, but I have come to think and experience a lot of women asking me about this same question over and over again to have formed a few thoughts about it. Talk about sex. We must address the context in which we're talking

about it. In this one, it's not going to be about married couples and how often you should have it or long-committed relationships. This podcast is going to be about the simple question of when should you do it the first time? There's a lot hanging here on women on the subject because it denotes a lot of history in terms of we used to have to be very chaste. Does it mean that you are not a very reputable woman? Will it ruin your reputation?

Or have we been liberated in the 70s and now we've got the pill? So we should shag everything like men and it's not a problem. I think my opinion lies somewhere in the middle and because I position my life and my life revolves around the idea of growth, self-development, and instead of aging, growing better, and developing more, that is really the focus of my life. And the secondary focus of my life is imparting what I learn to you and hopefully allowing it to help you in your journey and in your trajectory of creating the life you want. So when I sit back and I think about it logically, it's a very important.

fantastic that the pill came out and we can all act the way we want to and act like men. But sometimes when things happen, it's a backlash to, it's a reaction to what used to happen. And we need to think about why things used to be the way they used to be. The reason women had to be so chaste and pure is because a biological weight of what we would have to incur if we were to partake in casual relations would be so much heavier than anything that a man could experience. It's the same in nature, it's the same in the animal kingdom, it's the same everywhere. When you are to partake in the act of intimacy with a man that you don't know, you're taking a massive gamble that you might get pregnant. Not now in terms of you might be

on the pill and you might have things available to you like planned parenthood, but only 50 years ago we did not have those options. So the rules around what it was to be a woman and who you sleep with and how you conduct yourself is a protective mechanism. It's a protective in terms of the fact that the burden we carry due to a biological design is divine. It is creation itself. It is what everything pivots on. It is literal gold. It is why men chase it.

We have the power to create life. But with great power comes great responsibility. And I really want you to focus on that. If you have great power and great responsibility, aka wealth, aka the essence of life, all those stories you see where these men chase the goblet of youth or life or whatever, it's all metaphors for what women can do, hence men literally kill themselves over trying to sleep with a woman. With that great power comes great responsibility, and the responsibility is who you delve that out to. Now, when the feminist movement came around, as much as I adore it for many things it did,

there are some things that went wrong. Instead of still valuing the superpower we have of creation and procreation and the creation of life and the divine feminine, we said, let's be like men. Because men in our eyes were in control and they were winning. So instead of saying, we're going to be women but just as powerful, we said we're going to be women. We said we're going to going to be better versions of men. We're going to be just like men. We're going to have the same rights. And that's fantastic. Every notion, every idea comes from a pure idea that this will be the better way to live. That's how it all starts. But the issue is it didn't take into account the fact that we have a superpower that we must protect because with great power comes great

responsibility. No matter how much we would want to be like a man and sleep around like a man, The old sex in the city adage, it's just not possible because the superpower we have, we still inherently have. Our brain doesn't know we're on the pill. Our brain doesn't know about Planned Parenthood. Our biology and our design denotes that we can create life and we can create children. And by creating those children, unlike a man, we devote ourselves and our body to years and years of caring for an infant.

There are many dads that can bounce and leave the situation, but moms simply rarely do that because we're biologically and in every way hormonally attached to that child. So in procreating with a man, you're signing a contract with yourself and the universe before obviously the pill and plant parenthood existed, but in your body, in your DNA, you still know that if you sleep with Jake, Tom, Dick and Harry, that you have signed a contract in the snow, in the air, in the metaphysical world as it was, that you're willing to bear his child. And you're not only willing to bear his child, you're willing to put your life on hold and not in the business of the, I work in an office and I'm putting my life on hold.

But in a literal, I am willing to devote my entire life and my entire mind and soul power and body and energy to the protection of this man's child. because you can ask any mother walking, apart from those that we don't even want to mention, that 1% that don't adhere to this, but most mothers walking will die to save their child. I say this as a mother, I say this is someone who has a mother,

mothers will do that. So in sleeping with Tom Dick and Harry, you're saying I'm willing to lay my life down, whether it be in childbirth, whether it be after, I'm willing to lay down my mental health, my well-being, everything. in the continuation of this man's DNA. Now, a man can walk away because it's not in his body.

It's not attached to him. It's not the same thing. A good man won't. But essentially, prehistoricly, they could. So why does this all link up to what I'm saying to you today? The recommendation I'm going to give you when you're sleeping with somebody is going to be that unless you feel that you could do that with somebody, that you would do that to carry their DNA if it was to happen,

it will affect your self-esteem if you sleep with that man. It will affect your self-esteem because if you've slept... If you've ever wanted to make a podcast, if you've got something to say, which I think all of you do, Spotify has a platform for you that you can do it really easily on. All in one place, it's free and you can even earn money. Spotify for podcasters lets you record and edit podcasts right. from your phone or computer, which is what I do. So no matter what your setup is, it's not complicated

to start creating today. Then you can distribute it everywhere that podcasts are listened to. Then you can even monetize it. You can do a Q&A section. You can do polls and all these amazing things. Basically, it was really, really easy for me to do. For me, the obstacle was the tech aspect. And I know a lot of you wanted to hear from me. So spot. made it possible for me to create this podcast. So I'm really grateful. Download the Spotify for podcasters app or go to www.spotify.com forward slash podcasters to get started. With 10 men in a row who you hardly barely know, who've given you no iota of devotion, no iota of commitment, no iota of special attention, no idea of who you are,

or where you're going or care about you as a being, you are going to energetically and physically say to yourself that your existence doesn't matter. You're going to biologically be telling your body and your mind and your being, your feminine being, that you're at the sacrifice and mercy of sleeping with all these men and potentially carrying their DNA without them having to even jump through a mere measly hoop for you, without them having to even buy you a meal because you know,

on 50-50. What I'm trying to protect here is not your chastity, not your virginity and not your reputation and some village that you're from. No, what I'm trying to protect here is your sanity and self-respect because I'm not going to lie to you. After you sleep with 10, 20 men in a row who didn't give a damn about you whether you live or die, it's not going to affect them because their biology is not that way. They will have no repercussion from what could potentially happen. but you've told yourself that you are worth so little that they had to do nothing in order to win your trust and you are willing to lay yourself down for 18 years or let's face it for the rest of your life in the protection of his procreation and DNA. That you as the biological gateway of whose DNA gets to procreate and recreate itself because that is what you are as the feminine, you get to look at the men as they audition for you like Simon Cowell and you are Simon Cowell and you are Simon Cowell and They are the American Idol contestants.

And you get to see who wins the biological lottery. Who gets to procreate with you? Who gets to have the thing that they cannot have? They cannot do it. That's why they all chase it. They might not say they want kids and it's not like that. It's like a biologically inbuilt system. So they feel like they're winning.

Because after they've slept with 20 women, they've been biologically selected as someone who didn't even have to put in effort in order for them to procreate their DNA. whilst you, having except with 20 men who did nothing for it, have shown yourself, your mind, your soul, and your biology, that you were willing to carry 20 men's children for no reason for nothing, for nothing, for free. So that is my aim here, to protect your mind and your self-esteem. Because if I keep getting DMs about my self-esteem is so low,

I don't know how to love myself, I don't know how to make myself feel better about myself, And then I look at how you treat yourself, how you treat your body, how little, how little you expect from a man to actually have you. I am not surprised because you're telling me I feel bad if he takes me for a day and buys me two coffees. I'm sorry, you feel bad. Okay, have seven of his children. He doesn't even know you from a bar or soap. Any woman who's listening to this podcast and has had a child, you will understand. And now in the modern world, it will take you out of the workplace. because I've said it time and time again, there is no division in pay when it comes to male and female

anymore. It's a division in the mother load. If you're a mother or if you have a family, you are now taking a severe pay cut. Not always, not in my case, because I have my own business and it's motivating me to have children. If you want to listen to that on a different podcast, I can 100% do that. And I'm thankful for that. My mindset is I want to provide more for my child, etc but in most careers and in most jobs you will take a severe cut why because you wanted to sleep with him so badly who is he who is he who does he present himself to be what is he done to to win your admiration so it brings us to the modern day scenario you are a girl and you are dating when i want to make it realistic and when i want to make it applicable i've got to come into the

real world and not into the esoteric world so i'll say it this way When you're young and you're experimenting, sure, go out with hot dudes because you really feel like it. And if you really feel like it, sleep with them. Do whatever it is you need to do. But when you start getting your head screwed on and you are 22, 21 plus, 23, and say you didn't even have that phase where you just wanted to sleep with hot dudes, right? But you've got to that age of 22. Let's give it that divine number of 22. you need to seriously sit down with yourself and understand your value and that any man who wants

to come in your vicinity now needs to have some kind of representation of what they're going to offer you. And I would think severely and very long and very hard who you let into your space, even when you're 18, 19, 20, to be honest, I wouldn't go around sleeping with everybody because it's going to affect your self-esteem. But I'm also not going to judge you. It's your life you do what you but I will judge you from 22 onwards. You need to start getting very, very serious about what it is that you're doing. You're now an adult. It's not fun in games anymore.

And even into your 30s. So this applies to everybody, right? From 22 onwards, you are going to destroy your self-esteem by letting every Tom Dick and Harry in your pants. Because it's not about that anymore. You need to make good business move, good life moves, good moves, good moves in general across your life in order to gain what you want. You can't be willy-nilly about it.

You can't just throw yourself around everywhere and hope to stick. Sleep with this guy. He didn't like me. Let me just pick myself up. Sleep with that guy. He didn't like me. Sleep with the third guy. Try to be wifey.

Didn't want it. Didn't want it. Didn't want it. 20 years down the line, they all didn't want it. And the problem with that is, if you can do that and maintain yourself esteem, which 5% of women can because they genuinely do adore having sex that much, go for gold. Do it, my love. But understand that the real.

reason you feel shit is because you now have exposed yourself not only to the potential of carrying this man's DNA in your biology your body understands that but also to every gonorrhea syphilis situation going you've exposed yourself to everything so let's land the plane what do you do if you're a young woman and you're dating when should you sleep with a guy keeping all this in mind of what I said I really want you to understand the prize and the goal that you have the ability to procreate and produce life and there's a reason why men chase women historically and not the other way around. So you're that precious egg and the sperm chases the egg, not the other way around because you're rare and divine and for you, you come around once in a while and you can make life,

you can literally make life. So with that in mind, you need to understand that yes, we are living in the modern world and there is a select number of you that it's very simple. I'll just say until you're engaged, don't sleep with someone. Because until that man is going to come forward and be like, I will support, protect and provide for you, then you're not interested. But I want to make this applicable for the modern woman who maybe isn't ready for that, who maybe doesn't think of it like that yet. And to be honest, when I was 22, I certainly didn't because I learned a lot and it changed a lot for me. But I will answer this.

I definitely was not playing wifie with my husband now. And I only moved in with him after we got engaged. I don't know if that was just serendipitous or if it happened for a reason, but I just didn't want to change my life for somebody who hadn't decided yet. And once he decided, which didn't take long, then we started a life together. So for me, the moving in part would only happen after I got engaged with someone because I can't waste my life moving boxes like a maniac from this guy's house to this guy's house to that guy's house.

I don't care. It's not going to happen. Too long. Sorry. For me, the time to sleep with someone is not the three-month rule. That rule exists because it's easy to find. and you know what, you can follow it if it works. It's not the two-week rule.

It's not the second-date rule. For me, it's this rule and it's a very, very, very simple rule. If you're not the girly who's willing to say, I will only sleep with him after he's engaged me, after he's proposed to me, that I want you to do this simple rule. Sleep with him when you're willing to solidify exactly the treatment that he's giving you in that moment and time.

What does that mean? It doesn't mean he gives you a flower and you sleep with him because you want to solidify that as good behavior. It's not a reward system. But what I mean is a man is most flexible, flexible even, speak English, hello, flexible when he is trying to win you and the male biology registers winning as you biologically choosing him and sleeping with him because from that moment he is one, he is the king. He has won your tick of approval. And you can't tick someone many times. You either give them the tick of approval, the entrance to the nightclub or you don't. So until you've given him that tick of approval and an

entrance to the nightclub, he can shift in his malleability of how he treats you. So say you meet him and he doesn't really take you out much, but then he starts to because he realizes that that's when he sees you because you're busy otherwise and he sees you and he takes you somewhere nice. So he's doing that. Then he's giving you flowers. Then he steps it up. Then he introduces you to his parents, then he's talking about the future and it's really moving forward in that beautiful way and you're like, wow, this trajectory, this forward movement is now letting me know that he's putting in enough effort. I would like to now give him the tick of approval. Sleep with him then. Ideally, when he's told you already that he wants a future with you and you are it and you know,

you're moving in that direction. But if not then, then is definitely then. Because all, if all it took was for him to buy you a coffee and a croissant, to get you in bed? Then please do not cry in my DMs, my love, when you're saying to me, oh, he never plans dates and all he does is buys me a coffee every month and gets to sleep with me. You've given him the algorithm. Baby, you've given him the algorithm of what it is to get that biological tick of approval from you.

And this is the last part that's really going to blow your mind. If you really want to be addictive to a man, if you want him obsessed with you, to see you in this magnificent light, then don't make it easy to get that seal of approval from him. Oh, Margarita's playing games, it's playing games. It's not playing games. I'm giving you the permission to value yourself.

I'm giving you the literal permission for you to value yourself. Here it is. Here's a certificate. I'm giving it to you right now. Enjoy. There's a certificate. Because trust me, it's very, very exciting for a man or anyone, really,

to get the validation and approval of something they've, worked for number one because men thrive in doing as opposed to just existing. We all know that story that in World War II, when there was catatonic patients in the mental hospital who could not move men in the male ward, do anything, they just lay there like vegetables every day. When there was no one available to drive the fire trucks because the Nazis were bombing England, suddenly these catatonic patients got up and started driving the fire trucks in order. In order, to put the fires out because there was no men because all the men were sent to war. Men thrive in doing. So if you give him that challenge as it were, not I challenge you to get me

to sleep with you, no, but that interest, that intrigue, that that build up, that juicy, just, ah, dating period, that you'll never get back again, by the way. If you get serious, then you're going to be married, then it's going to be family, then it's all the other exciting, juicy stuff, but you're never going to get the dating period back. You'll never get it back. So where are you rushing? Enjoy it and let him get the validation of getting you for the amazing things that he's done. He's actually going to feel better about himself also. That's what you're failing to see. He's going to feel amazing about himself. So this is the rules. You have to value yourself. You have to understand the gold that you're carrying. You have to understand that you have the power.

And with great power comes great responsibility. And your responsibility is who do you delve it out to? because the biggest responsibility for women is we get the biological choice of which man procreates. And that sounds really deep and crazy, but truly there are good men, there are some horrible men, look up any news or website or anything of what men are capable of. Don't choose those. Don't choose the psychopaths and the narcissists posing as competent men. Choose the actual competent men who are willing to do things to win your favour. Don't choose the ones that are willing to take you for a coffee and a croissant because they're actually a narcissist and they know how to feign competency and they know how to pretend to be a competent, worthy provider of a man.

But really, he's acting. And how do you divulge whether he's acting or not? You test it for long enough to see. And you don't tell him. You don't say, oh yeah, I see you're a narcissist. No, no, no. You look at it and you watch. Like the hawk that you are, my love, you little sexy hawk.

You've got to watch what he does and who he is. is and then only grant him the favor of your intimacy when you can say that the men I've slept with were worth what I did. Even if we're not together now, they were incredible men. And that is how you keep yourself esteem up and that is how you know when you should sleep with somebody. We've got that out the way. Why don't we move on to some questions? Maybe we'll be able to fit three in that you guys have sent me. And if you also want to send in a question, you can do it via the Spotify or any app you're listening on or I'll put a link on my Instagram for next week's episode. Hi, I love your podcast, by the way, so glad you're doing these questions.

My question is, how do we know that the guy has put in enough time, effort, consistency, and spent enough money for us to move things along physically? I'm sure this is different for every person, but how do we know when we're comfortable with this? Thanks so much. Wow, wow, wow. The amazing ironies. I didn't listen to pre-listen to this question, but how fitting is it for this episode? So my answer is this. It's a very simple answer. It is, is this man, the type of man, like I previously said, that I would be willing to say that even if it doesn't work out, that I, thought genuinely that he was my future or he held the keys to my future and then he's proven

enough to me where I trust him enough. I see him enough in my future that I would not feel that I gave up something of myself in order to make this happen where I truly genuinely feel ready to share a future in a life with this person. Hi. So first of all I just have to say that I love you and everything that you do. So thank you for that. And my question, would just be if you think that there is a general guideline that women should follow or just generally have of gift giving for men. For example, a price range or things that we should and shouldn't buy like flowers, just anything that you would recommend that we do or don't do. I just think it would be really helpful for me and I'm sure for a lot of other women just because sometimes it is kind of

difficult to know depending on the stage of relationship you're in. So yeah, I just would really love to hear your thoughts and opinions on that. Thank you. Okay, this one's interesting. The gift giving scenario is the simple rule for me is this. I think trying to give a man a gift that is going to impress him with his monetary value is probably going to attract a man who is not necessarily in his masculine energy. It's not going to make him feel loved and amazing the fact that you brought him some watch that he could never afford or something like that. He might even say it might make him feel so great, but naturally it wouldn't. If a man is really in his feminine energy and wants you to look after him, maybe that would work for you. But that's not the type of man. A lot of you are looking

for. So if you want to give a masculine man in your life a gift, it's going to have to be something thoughtful, but not expensive. I think a man's idea of what it is that you would want when it comes to a gift is something that you could personally not be able to get for yourself and then he gifts that to you and you're amazed, but it doesn't necessarily reciprocally work that way. So if you want to give someone in your life a gift, like a husband or a boyfriend, it has to be thoughtful, but small. Now, if that man is not a permanent member of your life, like a long-term partner or a husband, then you really don't need to give them gifts. You don't need to give them flowers. You don't need to go out of your way to create incredible experiences, but just thoughtful things that

can come up for his birthday. Maybe he mentioned he likes blueberries and you might make a blueberry pie, but please don't go above and beyond to cater for him and play that mummy role. Anyway, guys, thanks for listening to this episode. I hope it made it more clear my views on when and how and what to do. In the description box, I've got my Amazon list for the books I recommend. I've got my 20 Feminine Energy Principles. I'm always on TikTok. I'm always on my Instagram. And now I'm on threads. Oh my God, threads. That's a whole different subject. But I'll see on the next one. Thank you for liking. Thank you for listening. I'll speak soon.