BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 163: 10 Unhinged Truths About Men No One Tells You

Episode Date: May 3, 2026

If you’ve ever felt confused, over-invested, or like you’re doing everything in your relationships… this episode is going to clear things up very quickly.In today’s episode, I’m sharing some unhinged truths about men that most women only learn the hard way. Not because you’re doing something wrong, but because no one actually tells you how men think, what they value, and why certain patterns keep repeating.We’re talking about:– why a man’s behaviour matters more than his words– why you feel confused when he’s not serious about you– why over-giving and over-functioning actually backfires– how to stop chasing, overthinking, and losing yourself in relationships– and what actually makes a man value and choose youThese are the kinds of truths that shift how you date, how you show up, and who you choose.→ UNBOTHERED 3 Day Masterclass: https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/joinlive?podcast=Episode%20163→ Feminine Energy Bundle: https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/feminine-energy-bundle?podcast=Episode%20163 → Pre-Order my NEW Book: Unbothered: The Art of Letting Go to Find Yourself by Margarita: https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/unbothered-book-preorder→ Pre-ordered already? Claim your bonus: https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/pre-order→ FREE: The Unbothered Reset: 30 Days to Become Her. Every day for 30 days, you'll receive a short email. Start the 30-Day Reset:https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/unbotheredreset→ HER Journal (PDF): https://margaritanazarenko.myshopify.com/products/pdf-her-journalSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Girl, you asked for it, so you gonna get it. Car Margarita is back. Unhinged truths. You learn about men the hard way, but you ain't got to learn the hard way because I'm here. I'm here for you to tell you. And the reason we're back in the car is because I miss you. I missed our unhinged moments.

I miss our unhinged truths. I miss the no makeup vibe. I miss just talking when I feel like talking. and I saw something today that was like, do you learn through the mistakes of other people, or do you learn through your own mistakes? And somebody said, I learned through my own mistakes, but I don't want that for you.

Because the difference between an intelligent person and a not-so-intelligent person is we are going to learn from the mistakes and the winnings of other people. That is why we're on this here channel. That is why we are on this here channel or podcast if you're listening with your beautiful ears or observing with your beautiful eyes.

That is why we're on this here channel. why we're here. These are called unhinged truths is because these are what I built my books, platforms and everything on. If you want to go back to the reality of how this all started, I was very, very, very, very, very, and I still am, but I'm a little bit more measured. I was very, very frank and honest. In the description box of both the podcast and this here YouTube, you will see all of my feminine energy courses that I started from the beginning for 199. madness. I've put them all together in a package for you. That is all of this stuff that we're going to be talking about today, but I want to bring it back because these are unhinged truths

that are coming straight from books, experiences, my practice with thousands of women, okay? And the reason they're called unhinged is because a lot of women don't want to accept it. They don't want to accept it. They don't want to talk about it. They don't want to think about it. They don't want to accept it. And it's not on their peripheral because we've been fed by the media, information. Men and women are the same. Men and women are the same. Of course they're all the same. Of course they want us to think we're all the same because they want us to work as hard as as men. They want us in the wise words of Chris Williamson from the Modern Wisdom podcast. They want us to sleep around like our brother and work as hard as our father. And we can only do that girl

if we believe that we are exactly like men. That is why we're like, why would he do this? Why would he say this? If I said this, it would be because of this reason. If I did this, it would be because of this reason, well, honey, baby, girl, honeysuckle, you are not a mignon, okay? And that is my whole problem with you, because you're actually a woman and you can create a life, and he can't, and you can, so you've got an advantage in a superpower. But this world here has made you believe lesser in yourself than what you actually are, yeah? I started this whole platform because I was like, God dang it, God dang it, Martha. We have so much potential as women.

If we lean into what are feminine energy and what it means to be a woman, because Being shit small version of men just ain't the thing, ain't the vibe. I don't buy it. I don't want it and nor should you. But let's start with 10 unhinged truths that nobody tells you that I want you to know. Number one, a man will value his freedom over anything that you can bring to the table. What? What?

What? What's, what's, what's? What did you say, Margarita? A man will value his freedom over anything you bring to the table to a lot of men, to most men, to all men. except for Gerald who's going to be in the comments saying it's not him. He's the one man who's obviously watching this woman channel and commenting. But to most and all men, their freedom is the number one. In fact, to all human beings, read some Fyodor Dostoevsky.

The difference between us and most creatures is our value on freedom. We would rather do things our own way through the lens of freedom than have things for free with someone else controlling us. We rebuke control as much as we can, and even those who try to control us will have it under the guise of pretending to give us freedom. Men, especially men, the male species, does not want to give up their freedom for anything that you can bring to the table. So let's say Martha, you are an average girl. By the way, have you seen how I used to call you guys Jessica all the time? And of course I will.

Today you're Martha, but usually you're Jessica. Have you seen that trend where they say Jessica in front of a baby and the baby looks around and it stops the tantrum? That was us. We started that. But they're using it for babies and we're using it for men. Anyway, when a man gets in a relationship with you, to him that represents the loss of his freedom. And what we believe that we can bring to the table to the metaphoric stupid red pill table is your beauty, your personality and your effort. cooking, cleaning, licking his shoes, be clean, you know, like this subservient BS, yeah? None of it really matters. No amount of pristine, youthful looking ass is going to make him forget that you are trying to control him.

If you can manipulate him into thinking that you are not trying to control him, and I know you are trying to control him, I know you because you're a woman and I know you, he will be, locked in with you. How do you do that? Well, there's a very simple, simple trait. Us women, catch a man as a metaphoric spider, disregarding all the attributes that he has. I'm seeing it time and time again, girls around me as I grow up, as I see people get married and engage, completely disregard what the man appears to be in the start of the relationship. He's a workaholic or he's super lazy. Let's take those two varietals. Girls will headlong, going to go into convincing him to be in a relationship with her, be engaged to her and all these things blindly, completely

disregarding what attributes he has. And then once he's locked down because he just follows her, because it's impossible to get off the train because it's moving so fast, eventually, you know, 10 years down, he's locked in. She's trying to change him. Why have you purchased a product you don't like. So the antithesis of a man values his freedom over anything you can bring to the table is choosing what? A man whose freedom you trust. Because to you freedom represents him for laundering, having some hoes in different area codes and all kind of BS, right? But if you choose the type of man you genuinely like and he will have deficits, yes he will, he might be home but he might be on the couch, he might work a lot and he might make money, there will be deficits, right? He might be

away a lot. He might be very, very stoic and always support you, but he might not be emotionally connected all the time. Okay, it might take some work. So you've got to know what kind of shit sandwich you want to eat. And I'm not trying to be negative, no, but I'm not going to sell you a romance. Romantic marriage has only existed for 100 years, so I'm not going to be the one to sell it to you, yeah? If you can let a man feel free to be himself, he will be locked in in that relationship forever. So you should work on your looks on your personality, on your efforts and all these things for yourself, for your own self-development and your own self-worth and your own self-growth and your own damn self. Not for Gerald. For Gerald, you need to do one thing and one thing only. Allow him the freedom to be himself. Most women try to

control men through all kinds of martyrdom, management, mothering manipulation tactics, right? Because it makes them feel safer. If you let a man be exactly free to be himself, and say, you know, you, you be you, this is what I want. And if you don't meet those standards, you can't be with me, but you be you. I'm not going to sit here, berate you, nag you, tell you, manage you, mother you, change you into being someone else. Chef's kiss, okay? Oh, girl, but we're cooking, okay? This is the thing about men that I like.

If they feel, to conclude that point, a loss of freedom, they will choose themselves every time. I like that in the male spirit. They will choose themselves every time. It's not good. It's not good for the family. it's not good for you, it's not good for that, but they have a free spirit. Us, we will choose other people. So that's why when we think that when we're trying to control them and say,

what, what about this? I look so good. I cook for you. How many times have you heard a woman say, I cook, I clean, I do all this, and this is how you treat me? Because he feels an infringement on his freedom. And would you really be with him if you could not change him? No.

Okay, don't be with him. Number two, truth. I guess we're going to do 10 or something. Is you cannot convince a man to choose you. no amount and when I say choose you I don't mean you're dating and he's going to be with you I mean choose you in the way that you want to be chosen as in seen heard loved all these things you cannot talk him or convince him into it no amount of over explaining loving harder being hotter no amount of proving yourself is gonna make him choose you have you seen those

men who cheat and never leave their wife for their mistress because he will not choose you there's nothing you can do yeah if he wanted you he would already let you know if you are confused and I think this is another point I wrote down on my list here that I've got I've got here out of periphery he there is nothing so calm down car what are you doing where are you driving if you feel that a man is not choosing you not proposing to you not doing all these things you cannot make him choose you you can make him marry you can make him have kids with you you can make him give you money you can make him many things but you cannot make him choose you and i see a lot of women trapped in these cycles where they do not feel loved by the man that they're

with because they orchestrated the whole scenario and they did not listen to my first rule one rule and only rule he should be sure about you if he did not choose you if he is not sure about you then we do not want him he is not for us number three unodos tress men respect what they earn not what they're given. If you are easy to get, he will not respect that he had to earn you and he will grow resentment

towards you because he will feel you're not his best option. This is all very messy. It's very uncomfortable. Margarita, why did you say that? I'm unsubscribing. I'm unsubscribe. Okay, listen, but hear me

and then I unsubscribe, okay? Men respect what they earn because it gives them an ego boost. It makes them feel good about themselves. And you're like, yeah, but I know Amanda, yeah? and she didn't make a man chase her and he loves her and they've been together for 3,700 years. That's true. But that's because he still feels he is winning with her.

She still makes him feel like he does things for her that she can reward him for like, wow, you're amazing. Like he feels like a winner with her. She is the prime moose that he had to hunt. There is no better other options. If it's too easy, if you over give, if you overcompensate, if you do a lot, he does not think, wow. She's so amazing.

need to lock her down. He thinks, wow, this woman's doing so much for me, that means one of two things. I must be so amazing that I could probably do better than her, or she's got a severe deficit. And I don't know what it is, but I'm a fine down, yeah? You don't get valued in their spectrum for doing more, giving more. Yes, if you're his mother, if you're his sister, you're better, oh, that's so nice, my mom did that. But if you're a woman and he sees you and his whole want is to be with you, And even if you're married already, he wants to feel like he's won something. He is winning something. He has been managing to get you.

And if you get, give it all for nothing. There is no feeling why men play video games, why men play sports, why men kick the ball and do all these things. There is no feeling of him having created an achievement in your relationship and he will, even if he's with you, grow bored. Men respect what they have to earn. sometimes when you feel like you are being harsh and I don't mean mean I mean being harsh because women feel harsh when they have like even a minute standard of any kind just like minimum standard remember that he will respect you more if he has put in time effort money energy finances into securing you like a luxury car like a luxury handbag like a luxury whatever or a hard

thing to get like when they build their whatever I don't know what do you men build houses tree houses whatever you know when they put in the effort and then they like go scrubbing that thing for 100 years yeah number four if you're confused he's probably not into you it's not mixed signals he's not got um childhood trauma he isn't in um confused he's uh not forgotten his phone he's not died on the way home from work unless like one zero point one one one one percent right he's not just busy if he was serious you would know if you're confused he's not serious if you're confused, he does, and you're together and you are a couple, but you're still confused about his effort, time and energy, he is not as into you as you would like. And if he did choose you and chase

you, and in the relationship, he's now losing interest, let me tell you, it's because your personality has pushed him away from that interest. You either lean in too much and overcompensate to a point of making him feel sickened by it, and I don't mean to be a, this is unhinged. You clicked on this. I didn't make you click on this, yeah? It's, nauseating when someone's always trying to win your approval, always trying to kiss your ass. When a man is serious about you, you don't have to decode him. And if you're in a relationship together and suddenly he is going sideways, he needs space from your constant octopus-like personality that always needs reassurance. And that's the biggest thing. If you always need reassurance,

you're literally giving your well-being to him to look after like a small, small baby. Mums need breaks from small babies. I have two and they were both. newborns. One is still only two years old. I need breaks. He needs emotional breaks from you because you're needy like a baby, okay? And you cannot be that. You have to have emotional sovereignty. Number five, a man will only rise to the level you require, not the level you hope for. A man will only rise to the level you require, not the level you hope for. I run into this in my 11 year marriage yearly, yeah, and sometimes because I have a way with getting things out of people where it's when I'm in life with people where it's not intimidating and I'm actually listening and I can hear through things.

My husband kept pushing to come home later because he's working on a really long project. My husband's thing is he's a workaholic, right? As am I by the way. But now, listen, I kept, he kept pushing, oh, can I just come a bit later? Can I? And I said, listen, I just, let me get this straight. Do you like me? Yes, he does.

Okay, you like me. So why do you keep pushing for me to, to wait for you because you're going to be later and later and later, I am tired, my guy. I'm trying to sleep. He goes, because I want to see you and I love you. I go, but I'm human. I'll be tired when you see me and then tomorrow I got to wake up at 5 because our daughter is a crackerhead and wakes up at 5 a.m. at the rise of dawn when the cockroll crows on the horizon.

And he said, well, because, and these are these moments of intricate things when people say and you've really got to listen. Ecutee with your ear, yeah? He said, well, because I don't really see you tired and like you just look like you handle it. So I just ask because it would be better. if I could finish this project and then I could see you too. Ha!

You know what my husband is? Male, right? A man will only rise to the level you require. Because I compensate and I stay up later in order to see him, he gets both things to finish his projects and to see me. Complaining, asking, nagging does not work. I'm using myself as an example. I rarely do, though, so this car is bringing it out of me.

but by the way if you're not watching this and you're listening I'm in my car again in case you you cannot tell he is only rising to the level I require if I said I will I cannot I'm going to bed at this time and I will not see you then he will have to make compromises or changes himself no amount of talking or articulating or explaining or soliloquies or Shakespeare is going to make a man understand only consequences is going to make him change yeah if I went to bed and he didn't see me for one week two weeks three weeks let him grumble, crumble and cry, he would come home early at a certain point. If I change, then he will just accept that.

They don't love like we love. We have maternal love. If I had to make someone stay up to wait for me, I would feel bad for them because I see the child in them and then they might be tired or sad and I change. As would you, Martha, you would change too, but men do not. because they are target driven and if compromises can be made they will have that yeah they will only rise to the level that you require if you accept low effort in dating if you if you accept low effort in a household they will continue to act exactly as they've acted and I'll tell you

something further if there's something in the house that needs to be done and you do it once I don't care if unicorns did it 12 hamsters did it or you he will expect that it will be done things need to fall on his neck like a like a tsunami for him to understand the reasons for it and by the way if he's not doing something in the house is because he doesn't get enough praise for it and it's not your job to praise him by the way that's just how the male brain works if there's not a win in it they just don't do it again with the sports and the and the things right and yes they should change yes they can change but that is why they're forgetful to do it because they don't see the merit of the thing being as high as you know other things he could do anyway you don't get what you want with men

you get what you tolerate. You don't get what you want. You get what you tolerate. Be an intolerant bitch and your life will be amazing. Six. He doesn't lose interest randomly. Oh my God, where the change, he lost interest. He responds to dynamic. If you lean in too far, he will lean out. That is not a male law. That is a universal law. Two things leaning in together cannot work. What is it? A house propping each other up. I guess. guess that is the metaphor of relationships, but that's not how it works. That's not how polarity works, because this is safe and secure and calm when things are leaning together and that's lovely. But sexual energy and lust energy is chasing energy, it's otherness, right? Read Esther

Perel. If you over-pursue, over-manage, over-explain, he will pull back. Attraction isn't lost. It's just dormant, right? I talk to girls all the time. Clients I've had before. Friends of mine, I have. I say work on yourself, be hot, be badass, right? Stop talking to him about how he's not noticing you, right? And he will then notice you. Do you know what they tell me? I told him, I went home and I told him, I'm going to work on myself, I'm going to be hot and then you're going to notice me. You've ruined it. It's broken. It's broken now. That is not how you do it. You focus on yourself, for yourself, not announcing it to him. I don't want to play games. It's not a game. Why is it a game to focus on yourself? Unreal. We need to move on or get angry.

Seven. A man knows very quickly how he feels about you. There was a box theory by someone, tinks or someone. I heard about it. It's either going to sleep with you, going to marry you, or not interested in you. They know pretty soon. They know pretty well. We have to get to know a guy, see a guy, think, we have initial attractions, but we can easily be unattractions. We can easily be unattracted to a guy, even if he's hot, if he says something obscure or weird, it doesn't take months, it doesn't take years, if he's thinking about it, he already knows he's not thinking about it, he just thinks that you are good enough to placehold until his dream girl comes along. And you know what I hate to tell you this, you're sometimes good enough to placehold until his

dream girl comes along and she never comes along after 10 years, he'll marry you because he doesn't want to be alone. And it's easier to have a woman subservient to him in the house for all the things he needs, then be alone, right? He might take time to commit, but he's not taken time to decide if you are that one for him. And trust me, it's much easier for everybody to live in a relationship dynamic where a man is sure that you are the one for him, because I've never seen a man treat a woman as cruel as they can do when they feel that you are not his first option. Ooh, it's unhinged. If you are not his first option, he will punish you for the fact that he settled with you.

I don't want that for you. Eight. Your energy matters more than your words. You can say all the right things, but if you're anxious, needy or unsure or chasing in your energy, everything you say, he cannot hear. Men feel energy.

They don't hear what you say. Even the ones who hear what you say, don't believe it. They believe energy. Right? You can't talk your way into being valued. I do this for you. I do that for you.

I spent this time for you. I fed your dog for you. I fed your cat for you. you, I made your favorite cake for you. Energy is what matters. And the thing that women keep saying, because I never really address it, and I'll address it now for the people in the back, Martha Lison. Because I never really understood it.

They say, yeah, but what about a long-term relationship? What about a long-term relationship? What about a long-term relationship is different to a short-term relationship or dating? Are you now not a woman? Are you now not a sexual being an entity? Are you now not an autonomous being who can go and be with a woman? someone else if you need to, even if you're married. What is happening right now? I am pro long-term marriage and no divorce. I love that for everybody, yeah? But listen to me when I say,

if he's acting a type of way, remove your energy from him and you say to me, but I'm married not so easy for you to say sitting in, what do you mean? I've married 11 years. Do you understand what remove your energy means? Remove your energy does not mean be hard to be with. It means be hard to get. It means get busy, be happy. Busy and happy. Busy and happy. Busy and happy and unbothered about what he does. Unbothered about what he does. Busy, happy, unbothered about what he does. Neutral happy, busy, unbothered about what he does. Because I know when he comes through the door or you come home and he sits on the couch, you orbit to him or around him. What you say does not matter. If you're sitting next to him happily or if you're nagging him, he still computes that you are orbiting around him. When the energy shifts,

you are still doing your own thing happily because you're a happy person. You are not going to ruin it. I wrote about it in my book. Yeah? My book is coming out. Unbothered. Pre-order it now. For everyone who pre-orders, there's another link where I'll send you a free masterclass because it's good for you and me. I'm trying to make it a symbiotic relationship where if you pre-order, book publishers love pre-orders, so it's great for me and for you because it means I get to write more books and you get a free masterclass so work with the kid anyway I wrote about it in the book when someone mistreats you like in a relationship in a way like he's ignoring you he's whatever right whatever in a minor way not like in a serious way where you should leave but in a way

you still want to be with him but he's not getting the point because you talked about it a hundred times he's still doing the thing remove access that does not mean not talk to him that does not mean ignore him. That does not mean sulk. That does not mean stonewall him. That does not mean any of these things. And I equate it in my book to a nightclub, right? When you go to a nightclub and you are drunk, the nightclub says, bro, you're a little bit drunk. You cannot come in. You are drunk. You cannot come in. They're still polite to you. You're not, sorry, you know, not relatively polite, but you cannot come in. What women do is if they are the nightclub and the man is drunk metaphorically, that's just behavior, right? And you're trying to come into the nightclub, they start to change the way they are.

are. They start to become mean, resentful, aggressive. Why would you not? They start to nag him. They get ugly because of the way they act. Ugliness comes through the paws. It's seeping. You stop looking after yourself because you take on how he treats you. You start doing everything. You don't let him manage his own business. You start martyering, managing everything. You physically become less attractive. We see it time and time again. Women get divorced become more attractive. You take on all this energy, right? That would be the equivalent of someone drunk comes to a nightclub. the nightclub sees they're drunk and instead of saying, sorry, you can't come in here. We're still going to keep dancing and be happy, which is what you should do.

But instead, Joe, I'm going to pull down the curtains of the nightclub. I'm going to turn off the lights. I'm going to throw out all the alcohol. I'm going to just hose it all with piss water. And that's what I'm going to do. Women like to set fire to their own selves like this nightclub in order to punish a man. No, no, no, no, no. We're not going to sulk.

We're not going to nag. We're not going to do any of that. We're unbothered. Unbothered. because he's either going to change because he feels the energetic shift from you pull away or he doesn't like you and let him keep stepping. Number nine, you can't be the one always leading and expect him to lead. If there's been a dynamic in your relationship where you're the masculine and he's the feminine, cool. If you don't enjoy it, understand the dynamic needs to shift.

Planning everything, initiating everything, doing everything, carrying everything, you can take the masculine role and you can enjoy it, but you cannot take the masculine role. and you can enjoy it, but you cannot take the masculine role and expect him to fight you on it. Because what will happen is if you want him to also take the masculine role and you already are in the role, what happens when two masculine men meet together and they want leadership together? What do they do? Everybody? Yes, they fight. Why do you think he's combative towards you, right?

And I'm not saying combative physically. It's not your fault if he beats you. Absolutely not. It is his fault. I mean verbally, you know, that tension, that kind of like aggressiveness when you're, You're like, you take the lead. You never plan anything and then you do everything. Stop doing everything.

Have some time for yourself. What do you want to do everything? Why? Why? I know you do it better. That's great for you. I love that for you, right? But listen to me when I say, let him do it and he will step up and let him do it badly.

I'm talking about good men here, yeah, who want to do it. There will be a lull when nothing happens. But okay. Okay. This is where we are. This is who we're married. Number 10. The right man will feel calm for you and almost a little bit like you can be your

like a little bit annoying as opposed to chaotic and like you are walking on eggshells. I know that what feels like love is trying to prove yourself to somebody because when you were a kid, maybe your dad didn't give you attention or your mom or your school or something or someone across the road said something and it just imprinted in you. And the man you are now with gives you that feeling of trying to chase approval for that person who did not. You will not win. The approval that you seeked in your childhood from this person who reminds you of the person who hurt you. hurt you. The only way it winning, the only way it winning is to look that person in the eye and say in your own head, I do not need your approval anymore. If you had an absent father and

your current partner reminds you of them because they're always absent, what you're trying to do is every brain cognitively tries to replay the scenario in order to work out why you weren't lovable, to make it better, to make this person who reminds you. of your father or mother or whoever it was, accountable for what they did and for you to now win their approval and they're going to change. Trust me, I know I tried every technique in the book

to get my father's approval because he wasn't around. And the only time I was liberated and the only time it became successful and the only time I became the person who I'm meant to be is when I said, ah, do you know what, I don't need your approval. I need my own.

And the way that I'm going to get mine is by saying that I don't need yours. Yeah. And that's where success begins. I know all these are a bit harsh, or these are a bit harsh, but they're also real. So I want you to use them, take them.

I want you to pre-order my book because symbiotic relationship, but also the courses are available too, and we're in the car. Comment, do you like the podcast with a studio, with a cameraman, with perfect sound, or do you like it unhinged? Love you a lot, Slender.

Bye.