BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 165: Decenter Men & Watch Your Entire Life Change

Episode Date: May 17, 2026

→ UNBOTHERED 3 Day Masterclass: https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/joinlive?podcast=Episode%20165What happens when you stop making men the emotional centre of your life?In this episode, we���re having a very honest conversation about what changes when you stop obsessing over dating, relationships, texting, validation, and what men think and start putting that energy back into your own life.Because the truth is, many women don’t actually have a “man problem” they have a focus problem.We’re talking about:✨ why obsession is not femininity✨ how over-focusing on men creates anxiety, overthinking, and emotional dependence✨ why male validation can quietly become an addiction✨ how to stop making relationships your identity✨ what actually makes a woman magnetic✨ why decentering men doesn’t mean becoming cold, bitter, or anti-love✨ how to become more secure, grounded, and genuinely attractiveIf you constantly find yourself:- overthinking texts- checking his social media- needing reassurance- making dating your main emotional focus- feeling anxious in relationships- losing yourself when you like someone…this episode is for you.The most magnetic women are not the women obsessing over men. They’re the women deeply engaged in their own lives.→ FREE: The Unbothered Reset: 30 Days to Become Her.Every day for 30 days, you'll receive a short email. Start the 30-Day Reset:https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/unbotheredresetTopics this episode covers: datingadviceforwomen, feminineenergy, relationshipadvice, selfworth, secureattachment, datingtips, confidenceforwomen, anxiousattachment, beingher, overthinkingSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The episode you've been waiting for on the Being Her podcast is finally here. How to Desenter men and watch your life change. Watch the men flood to your gates, to your doors, and you like Helen of Troy shall dismiss them because you've dissented them. You don't care about them. They're gone. They're not interesting for you anymore. Listen to me and listen to me good.

Once you unlock the secret of decentering men, you will not just have men. You will have everything flock to you, opportunities, the universe, God, manifestation, work, career. Frick and hell animals are going to come out the woods like your snow, mother effing whites, and trail behind you as you glorify yourself with your feminine energy. But jokes aside, I think, and those aren't jokes, by the way, those are real. I'm just saying jokes aside for the sensitive ears who cannot comprehend such magnitude and such glory. But what I think I've learned in my 30 plus years is in my 20s, look, in my teens, men did not exist. Like they existed like maybe Backstreet Boys on posters and Jack from Titanic, things like that.

Then in my 20s, men became quite an obsession. not because I was obsessed with men, but because societally in and every way, you're just conditioned and programmed. And hormonally, your estrogen is like, hey, I want to be pleasing to men. I want to be pleasing to society. I want to be pleasing to everybody. So it's very natural. It's very glorious.

It's very amazing. But if you siphon it correctly, and when you get a little bit older and you have your children and you kind of relax a little bit because you're like, like, wow, I don't have to, you know, marry someone and have kids anymore. You understand fully all the mistakes and all the spades you stepped on and hit yourself in the face with when it comes to men and why decentering them in every possible way is the way to both have a life that has no men in it for those of you who are not interested in them. And for those of you who do want a man and do want marriage, I love that.

I love men and marriage. I love men and marriage and babies. I am a number one fan of men, marriage, and babies. They are great, but they cannot be the main event. Because then you lose yourself, you lose them, and you lose the whole purpose of living and become a mess, a hot mess, and I don't want that for you. My channel and my books and my work and all my master classes,

which, by the way, I've gotten a makeover, and there is a pathway for you to become exactly who you need to be, and you can check them out in my description box below. There's a whole feminine energy pathway. There's a detachment pathway. Do you want to be a feminine energy queen? Go that pathway. Do you want to be a detached goddess and have manifestation that you want?

Go that way. To show you the beauty of the masterclasses that we have created kindly with our bare hands. Those pathways were very interesting for me because it was that whole journey of feminine energy and detachment that led me to now. I feel a third phase coming on. I think that every time I write a book and my new book. book Unbothered is coming out soon in a few days, in a few mere weeks. Unbothered. It's almost like an encapsulation of an idea or a concept that my mind was concocting for you. So first, it was the feminine energy era, and we have the New Rules book. And then it was the Unbothered era,

because we were so attached to men, so anxiously attached. And that was this book here, Unbothered, which is coming out. And the third, and not final part, I was going to say final part. We're We're nowhere near final. The third part of our journey, ladies and germs, is to understand decentering of men and to understand the centering of your own selfish self and your own journey and becoming who you're meant to be, becoming the main character, becoming so glowing, so juicy, so succulent that the world can't even handle it. So let's start it now.

Let's start our new era of just de-centering men To unlock that from your brain And I'm going to teach you everything I know In creating your career In becoming the woman you meant to be Because if they didn't teach you, I'm a teach you Mommy, go and teach you I call myself Mommy a couple of times on TikTok

People laugh at me, I don't care I'm a mommy, mamasita Okay, my team message me today Mom instead of mug Mugs, they call me Mugs, Mom But it auto-corrected? I was like, listen If the shoe fits, baby These are the 10 juicy points on decentering men to start our conversation.

To really lean into this new flow of not being the good girl, of being the naughty little vixen you're meant to be because naughty girls make history and good girls. I mean, it's nice to be good, but it's better to be naughty. Number one, men are not a hobby. That is a concept you need to understand. As much as it feels like they're a hobby when you're putting posters on your wall when you're younger, some women spend more time analyzing a text message from a bro-bro, from a dude, than building a business. The business will feed your children, feed your creativity, feed your manifestation, feed your family, feed your pets, feed your plants, obsessing over a man won't.

And I know what you're thinking right now. I know what you're thinking, Maria. Maria is who we're talking to today. You're thinking, but a man, if I marry him, will feed me because he's going to marry me and feed my children and all this stuff. No, naughty Maria.

That is not how you think about it. Yes, a man can and he should because I'll be damned going 50-50 after I've had someone's children or even before unless he can have the second one and he can't. So there is no 50-50.

The point being is that that's a nice bonus, that's a nice benefit. But something you create yourself can definitely do that for you. Of course, when a man comes into your life, he should be supporting for you, providing for you, if he plans to be a serious man in your life and have children with you or even have any of your time. But focusing on him is only going to drive him away. Men don't like insanely focused energy on them. Have you seen that meme that I keep wanting to repost, but I don't know if it's problematic,

so I never repost it when a guy's pretending to try. run away from a serial killer and he's like, and then I remember that if you give men attention, they run away instead. So he turns around and he's like following the camera, being the man, and then the camera starts running away because that is true. In every joke, there's a truth. Checking his following, decoding wording, seeing what he's thinking, what he's liking, what his mommy used to cook him when he was did a da-da, all of that, even if you want to be a stay-at-home mom, and that's going to be your main business. It's just, I don't know, growing beautiful vegetables in your garden. Obsess about the goddamn vegetables do not obsess about the man.

The vegetables, if you obsess about them, will be happy that you are giving them growth, goodness and nutrition and the man will run away if you give him too much focused attention. Men like to be in the presence of a goddess like woman who's got a lot going on for herself and they can just bask in the light of your sunshine, like a seal on a rock that they are, okay? get a life that actually stimulates you because every goddess is a goddess of something. Mythology is mythology for a reason. She's the goddess of the night. She's the goddess of the night. She's the goddess of this.

She's a goddess of that, a fire of lightning. What are you the goddess of? You cannot be the goddess of following men around. You know who is the goddess of following men around? Narcissus was obsessed with himself and Echo was in love with him. And she followed him around and he was obsessed with himself. he became the narcissist's flower and she became echo just calling out to herself because no one ever replied to her. That cannot be you, Maria. That cannot be you. Every legend and every myth has a reason

for it, right? Some of you need a Pilates membership, yeah, deeply and desperately, or to start a vegetable patch or a project, please release the throne of your life's attention from these men. They do not deserve it, yeah? Number two. One dos. Obsession is not femininity. If you've gone on my feminine energy journey, if you've read the book, if you've done the journey, if you've done the 20 feminine energy principles, the polarity, the chosen, the being her, become her,

if you've done it, you will understand being deeply consumed by a man is not romantic and feminine. It is yucky, yeah? You get emotional highs and lows. You need constant validation because you're trying to step into masculine energy, my girl. What you're trying to do is chase him. Obsession and pursuit is a masculine energy. And you, my friend, unless you're like the 1% are a feminine energy woman, naturally. You are on this earth as a being in the feminine body to experience feminine energy, right?

If you're chasing him, you're pushing yourself into the masculine. This obsession, pursuit, constant thinking about. him, lack of decentering him, he should be thinking about you and you should be thinking about everything else. The children, the vegetable patch that you're starting today, your business, your hair, the fact that my eyebrow is shorter than the other one, do not even begin, because today I went and got my eyebrows waxed and they were like, showed it to me and one, it's like a stumpy guy and the other one's a normal eyebrow. And she's like, do you like it? And I had no choice. I had to be like, Yeah, that's really nice. Thank you.

Because the only thing that she can do is make my normal one a stumperella as well, and we cannot have that. See, this is the kind of thing you need to be thinking about. Not him. Not him. You need to learn emotional self-regulation. You need to understand anxiety is not chemistry. It's your body battling the fact that you're trying to force yourself to be in the masculine.

I know he's tantalizing and amazing and gorgeous and you just want to think about him and chase him. He's going to run. What do you not understand about nature? Look at the nature, the bird, the everything, trying to impress the boring, gray, mouse-ass-looking woman. And you're trying to impress him. He's running away from you. He doesn't like it. If he wanted to be pursued, he would pursue, get a man and the man would pursue him.

Stop it. Right? Obsession is not femininity and it's making you exhausted, tired, and a drag. Okay? Number three, which I think you understand. But let's go through it again. The more he becomes your center, the less attractive you become, just by the laws of nature. That's a rule of nature for us feminine energy humans.

Pressure changes energy. As soon as you focus on him, like the eagle-eyed hawk that you are, and you start to stuff him into life's positions, which he has not requested to be in, husband, boyfriend, he's going to take you here, he's going to take you there, those tragic reels that I see where. where she's like, I told him when I want to be proposed to and this and that and the other one. And he said, yes, cool, babe. You're going to be dragging him through life and messaging me and therapists and your auntie, mama and cousin and asking them why he doesn't seem like he's interested a couple of years and why he's dragging his feet, why he's always on the sofa, why is this, why is that,

why he's the other one? You're going to try and change a man. The biggest problem we have is women is we get a guy and we think, ha, we can change him. He's dragable. Like, I can drag him into life's positions that he never volunteered for and then complain about that he's not the guy I wanted. Men, meanwhile, find the woman exactly that they want when they propose and actually want to marry you and, you know, you don't have to drag them.

And then they're shocked when you change. They're shocked. They're shooketh. They're like, oh my God, she changed. She had two kids and she's got two jobs. Why? She angry. That's a big problem both genders have, okay?

you centering men too much creates behavior like overgiving, over texting, over functioning, mothering, which is horrendous for desire and chemistry, emotional dependency. He understands that the only time you're calm, because you're a little baby girl, is when he reassures you. But that's an exhausting position for any human being to be in. You are never okay unless he's reassuring you. You become a liability. You're not an interesting thing to observe.

pursue and want to build a life with, you're another liability that he's got to manage like taxes and bills and his, I don't know, something. There's you with your emotions. Oh, why did you look there? Why did you do that? Because you're centering him so much. You're looking at him so much. He's the center of your world. Everything he does becomes a reaction for you, a mood shift for you, a change for you, a reason for you to be unhappy. You need to return to yourself and you need to be the center of your own life. You were born as you, not as him, not as his manager, not as his mother, not as the martyr who sacrifices. Women like to use the line, oh, I gave you my best years, I sacrificed this and that for you. Nobody asked you, Maria, to sacrifice S-H-I-T. That's how you

spell it, isn't it? Nobody asked you. Yet you are here sacrificing and then rubbing it in people's faces. You know what that is. That's a manipulation. That's like when you get stuck in a some kind of like scheme where they say, oh, yeah, yeah, you get all of this, get all of this up front free, no problem, no problem, no obligations. That's the same thing that women do. Oh, no, I don't want a serious relationship. I don't want this. I don't want that. I don't mind. I'm easy, breezy cover girl cosmetics. And then it's like, oh, sorry, you owe us this because it's actually contractually engaging and then this and then you owe this company money. Boom, shakalaka. That's exactly what you're doing and you don't realize that. You're just trying to give all of these

things up front, testers, samples. Huh, quite cheeky of you, Maria. Number four, a man cannot be your purpose. Another human being cannot be your purpose. Relationships are beautiful. They are wonderful. They're my reason for everything. I speak to people often who are five years younger than me, who are like, I don't know if I want to have children, like getting to their 30s or early 30s. and they're like, oh, I don't want to have children. They're going to take away my purpose. I'm like, relationships and love is the purpose of life. It's like saying, I don't know if I want to have parents because I'm going to have to think about them and, you know, I just want to be free.

I don't know if I want a partner because I just don't want to think about them and I want to be free. I don't want to have children. Relationships and love is the purpose. That is the purpose of life, love, right? But your identity being purposefully tied to a man cannot be. be a reality. You need to create meaning and purpose outside the romance. Yes, love is the purpose, but love is universal. Kids, pets, grandmas, the sky, the ocean that I'm looking at at the moment, it's all love. One human being cannot be your purpose and carry the load of another human being's

karma. Yeah? They cannot do it. They have their own things to walk through and walk on. And if you make a man your purpose, your beautiful relationship, which is meant to be lived like two train tracks side by side traveling in one direction, becomes you trying to overlap his whole time frame and his whole karma and his whole reality. It cannot be your purpose. A lot of women try and control men because they mistake him as her purpose. That cannot be. It cannot be. Number five is stop making male attention something means something about your worth. Stop making male attention means something about your worth. Male attention, the world's attention,

everything's attention will come and go. It is fleeting and it comes and goes. And a lot of women, especially women who are attractive in their youth, meet a strong brick wall of invisibility once they get to middle age. My middle age, I mean 50s plus. Depending on how they look after themselves, I refuse to go gently in that wall. But listen, jokes aside,

you cannot give men your worth because it's going to be a stark reality when you inevitably age, you inevitably start meaning other things, and you need to give a gravity and an appreciation to the fact that you're not always supposed to be a sexy bunny running around. And there is other phases in life like wisdom in your age and you should be revered and powerful in other ways, that it's not always about men finding you sexy. And you, You can be sexy and beautiful until you're 90 years old if you wish to be. But you cannot make male attention sexually or otherwise or like a good night text or a bad mood or whatever he is or however he pays attention to you mean anything about your worth. You have worth in every stage of your life, whether he texts or a dozen texts, whether you're 80 or 18.

Your worth as a human being living on this earth as a manifestation of God in the feminine form means something. to someone. Everything has a purpose and a reason. Do you need to separate validation from people, even friends, the conversation goes deeper, from identity. You are important, no matter what, when and how. Yeah? Men have a similar experience. When they're teenage boys, they feel deeply invisible and purposeless and all they need to feel is needed. Women have that a little bit later when they start to feel invisible because they're like, oh, I was paid so much attention to when I was a little girl, oh, you're so pretty, you're so pretty. And then I'm a woman. Oh, everyone wants you and wants, you know, even when you're a mom or your children want you and then you become an

empty nestor. And there needs to be purpose in you outside of men and their validation. Strongly so. And there is so much strength, beauty and purpose in women throughout all generations and all genres of womanhood that we are losing out on. Because a lot of things like to sell to young women because they're easy to sell to because their confidence is low. And as we get older, way hard to sell to. So remember that. There isn't as much older women in marketing as in marketed too because they understand that it's a little bit harder despite them having more money. So understand how the world works. Your self-worth cannot be placed on whether he read your messages or not, even if we take away like the big life picture. It cannot be about whether he read your message,

didn't read your message, laughed, didn't laugh, liked your stories, didn't like your stories. You cannot live through his validation because one day he's not going to be. He's not going to going to give it and you cannot fall apart because of it. Number six, and I need you to hear this with both ears, okay, half of your anxiety that you have, your anxious attachment, your obsession about him, what's he doing, I see you in my DMs, do not lie, would disappear if you had a life. That's the harsh way to say it. The nice way to say it is your anxiety would disappear if your life got fuller. You've got nothing in your life to take up your mental space. Sometimes it even needs to be stressed like exams.

You know sometimes when you're going through stress, that boy is not in your head. No, no, no. You need friends, fitness, creativity, goals, faith, business. I just gave you 500 ideas. We have a course on it in my Unbothered three-day intensive. And a super deep course on it on my Unbothered Woman, join the wait list if it's not open yet. Of how to create a life because it's all well said and done because I read the comments. that's how I create my masterclasses that I create and my podcast that I create is,

okay, you told me not to think about him and get on with my own life, but how do I get on with my own life? Do you understand the depth of that question? Do you understand that women do not know how to get on with their own life and how to find a purpose and a passion? And I feel this is the trajectory of our third phase. Purpose, creativity, self-manufacturing, which I love, and I've thought about it for a long time, this idea that you can manufacture a self. Yes, you've got God given things that the universe and God gave you. I say universe and God always when I'm speaking because it needs to be God for those people

who believe and universe for the people who don't, right? You need to carve something, a reality, a manufacturing, a product out of what you've been naturally given and create something beautiful. Create something. You are a creator. By energy of being a feminine being, you are a creator. Decided to have children or not, you are a creative being. you can create realities that are out of this world.

Your life is not full enough and your creative energy is not taken up enough. And that is why you're obsessing and you're anxious about men. Number seven, you are confusing being chosen in a relationship, being wiped up, being with a guy, with being valuable in life and being a valuable person. Sometimes guys will be with you just because they were with you in high school. They don't know who else to go with. They take 10 years to repose. They finally pull their things.

finger out. They do it. And you're like, sigh of relief. That doesn't mean you're chosen or you are now somehow validated in life. Like you don't get like a blue tick or whatever it is. Instagram gives you, right? They're not the same thing. You have to give yourself the blue tick of approval. You have to choose yourself. You have to choose yourself, put yourself first. Be ruthlessly selfish. And when I say selfish women, they're like, no, I don't want to be bad and mean. I don't want to be selfish. You know when you tell a woman who always puts everyone first, which is the majority of us to be selfish, Instead of being 99% selfless, she's now 80% selfless. So it's not like I'm telling men to be selfish.

That would be a disaster. Okay, golf every Saturday. You see the memes, right? You need to choose yourself. There is no man that's going to wife you girlfriend you that's going to make you blue tech validated in the sphere of life. You need to choose yourself. Whether he does what he does, doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter. You need to choose yourself. Number eight is decent. Men is often associated with some kind of cold feminism, strident, hairy-legged, aggressive stance. And it's not. It's just a reality. And it's an important nuance. I discuss it in my book.

It's not emotionally outsourcing your peace. That is all it is. Decentering men, this is the center of you. Decentering them means in the center of who you are is not men. There's not many men. Which death upon me? 50 cent. They're not men here.

It's you here. It's you. You see me? I'm sitting here if you're watching. It's me. It's not a man in front of me. Because I'm centering myself. Yeah?

It means not outsourcing your emotions, your day, your life to men. It doesn't mean I'm cold and I hate men. In fact, I love men more than the next guy. When women are like men, ain't shit. I don't like men. I actually never agree with that. I think they're beautiful. I think they're glorious. I think every thing in nature has a place. And I have a son. So I adore masculine energy and men. They are amazing, but they cannot be the center for me because I have my own purposes. The rose does not

center the cactus as the reason for being, right? It doesn't mean the rose is cold to the cactus. It just means they're two separate beings. Number nine, there is a study. that says the time you are most attractive to the opposite sex is when you are in flow doing the thing that you're best at. So if you listen to all of this and you're like, yes, but if I dissent a man, I really want a relationship and I really want a marriage and I really want a romance, I won't get it. The truth is, the woman who is most magnetic to men is engaged in her own life. The quickest way to get marriage, to get children, to get a man. Pamela Anderson said it. someone said, how did everyone propose to you all the time, constantly proposing to you?

You've been engaged so many times. And Elizabeth Taylor said this too, is you just act like that's not your end goal. And I don't advocate for just acting like it's not your end goal. But there is no lie in the fact that when men feel freedom and no pressure to be anyone for you, they want to be with you because they feel freedom. Freedom is their number one value, yeah? Women who don't sentiment are magnetic, they're curious, they move naturally because they don't care what the man thinks. They have presence, they have playfulness, which is one of the most attractive things a human being can have.

It's what differentiates us from everything else as playfulness. Animals have it too. It's so natural and beautiful. And women who de-send men are naturally more magnetic because they can play because they are not like auditioning for someone. They understand if someone likes them, he will come and say it. They are absolutely 100% natural, which is gorgeous and lovely, man magnetic. Number 10, and I'll leave you with this thought here. Men are absolutely a necessary part of your life.

As are women a necessary part of men's lives. But they cannot be the plot. Any amazing movie about women or about men, there are side characters who are opposite sex, and they get on and the movie is amazing. The only ones that the plot is the romance is where everyone dies like Romeo and Juliet. Okay? And that is a learning point for you.

A relationship should be a beautiful chapter that remains and is a highlight throughout the book, not the entire book. When it is the entire book, disaster happens. It's never good. Romeo and Juliet, the notebook. It's Titanic. It is never good. It should be part of the journey and not the whole thing.

You guys really need to understand that the decentering of men is the unlocked to your true potential. And the next few podcasts, we're going to talk about how to do the rest of it. So I love you, lots of jelly tots, and I'll see you on the next one. Bye.