BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 168: From Anxious to Unbothered

Episode Date: June 7, 2026

Unbothered is no longer just a word. It's a book. It's a movement. It's on morning TV. And honestly? It's blowing my mind.In this episode, Margarita takes you behind the scenes of the Unbothered book launch and answers the questions from her sold-out book signing event — so whether you're in America, Lithuania, or Uganda, you're in the room.We get into what being unbothered actually looks like in real life, how the  detachment movement started, the two characters at the heart of the book,  why self sacrifice will never get you the love you're looking for, and what it means to truly be seen rather than just advised.Plus the story of recording an audiobook with a newborn, why intimacy will always beat a studio setup, and what is coming next including a US trip that may or may not be happening.This episode is for everyone who wanted a seat at the book signing but couldn't get one. Consider this your invite.Get your copy of UnbotheredLeave a voice message to be featured on the next episodeBeing Her is your no-filter space for woman empowerment, relationship advice, confidence, feminine energy, and living life completely on your own terms.Love you lots like jelly tots xxTHANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORSGoodr: Head to goodr.com/BEINGHER to claim $10 off your first order.Lean: Visit takelean.com and enter BEINGHER for your discount.Olive & June: Visit oliveandjune.com/BEINGHER for 20% off your first System!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hello, it looks like Unbothered has become an actual living, real life on the TV movement. What we created here, ladies and some gentlemen, has become a thing that exists outside what we do here, and that is blowing my mind. if you're watching this, I will play you the video of me going on morning TV, talking about unbothered the book and our unbothered movement. And if you're listening, then you can listen to it. It's only a few minutes clip, but I will let it roll right now. With 3 million followers plus a hit book and podcast, Margarita Nazarenko is the online life coach helping people flip much-needed emotional switches to create a lot. a better mindset. Her latest viral tactic is mastering the art of becoming unbothered

with her book offering a clear and compassionate roadmap to choosing peace over potential. Oh, let's get into this. Margarina Nazarendko joins us live in the studio. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Unbothered person. Why do you think women in particular put so much pressure on themselves to try and have everything under control? Well, I certainly wasn't unbothered my whole life. I was very bothered, very anxious about what people thought. And I found that a little bit of a little bit of lot of women feel the same. They want to perform their best at work, be the best mom, look the best, exercise. They're waking up at 5 a.m. They're so highly strong and overfunctioning, but they're not happy. And so they kind of found me. And together, we created the Unbothered Movement. And now

the book, and now all these millions that apparently I have that I don't check. Okay, so a new book is called Unbothered. Great title. Great name for a movement. But what does it look like in real life? Being unbothered. Being unbothered in real life means focusing on what you can control, focusing on yourself and letting go of things that you can't control and understanding that the best outcomes is from detachment from the things that you can't control. Okay, so I get that as a concept. Yes. But help us, give us some steps to how we can actually make that happen.

Okay, so step number one, it's very important. You sit down and you go, what can I control? If I can't control what someone thinks about me, if I can't control what someone's going to say about me, or the outcome of things, I just let it go. It's not in my wheelhouse. Okay. Step number two is stop personalizing everything. You think that someone at work rolled their eyes at you or your husband didn't unload the dishwasher like that on purpose.

It's not about you. It's just who he is. Let it go and breathe. And number three, this is my favorite. And that is build a bigger life. I find that people who are very bothered have their eggs in one basket. So one relationship or one man they're chasing or one thing. If you have a bigger life or a bigger purpose or a goal, like writing a book, you start

being, you stop being bothered about all the things around that really don't matter, like people's opinions. You're big on boundaries. We talk about that a lot in these equations, right? Why is it so important? Because if you don't have boundaries, you're going to burn out. And in this day and age of overfunctioning, our phones always pinging, everyone online has opinions about us. If you don't put boundaries in place, you will be a very frazzled, depleted version of yourself, and we can't have that. Okay, so help us put the boundaries in place. You've got something called the three Cs? The three Cs. Simple C's.

Three simple Cs. It's in the book. So the first one is you need to be clear about your boundaries. You're not going to snag. You're not going to say 100 things that you want. One clear boundary. For example, I'd like to see you every week when you're dating someone. Calm.

You can't shout it. You can't be unhinged about it. I know we want to, but you've got to be calm. And last but not least, consistent. If they break that boundary, that's it. There's very big consequences. Yeah. Yeah.

It's kind of like parenting, really. Your social media has made your followers feel heard. understood. That's the messaging you're getting right. So do we need to give that more freely to people? Let people know that we're listening, that we're hearing. I think so. I think a lot of women are a little bit tired. They have trained to be good at school, at work. They perform really well. They perform highly everywhere, but it's important to be happy, not just good. What would you like people to get from your book, Margaret? That happiness and contentment in yourself is achieved through detachment and understanding that you

are enough as you are and there is no performance you need to do to get there. And don't let the dishwasher stacking bother you. No, no. Let him do it like a wild raccoon. It's fine. That's me. Lovely to see you. For more on the art of being unbothered, you can check out Margarita's new book. It is out now, and we find you on social media as unbothered. Yes, that is us, guys. We are now a global movement. Unbothered is a thing. Unbothered is, according to your DMs, healing people. So today is an amazing event. And as tradition goes, I did this last time I launched a book. I have questions to answer during my book signing in Q&A. There are 120 tickets. They sold out pretty fast. I know that from my emails, that some people did not get a seat to the event. So what we're going to do is kill two

birds with one stone baby girl what we're going to do is I'm going to go through the questions that they sent me that I'm going to be talking about at the event what I usually do is wing it but it would be wise and mature to look at the questions and we are going to prep for this book signing together so let's look at the questions I'll answer them to you you let me know what you think and it kind of lets you in on the book signing without you being physically there because if you're in America if you're in Lithuania, if you're in Uganda and you wanted to come, but you didn't, well, this is our little practice. Yeah? So you're going to help me and I'm going to go help you and we're going to submerge ourselves into the Unbothered Book universe. The first question here, it says,

what does it mean to be unbothered? And as we know, Unbothered is a word that was born from our understanding of how deeply, anxiously attached we are. We are anxiously attached to outcomes. we care a lot about what the wider community thinks, social media, the in-laws, everyone in life, except for ourselves. We don't know how to make ourselves happy and we think societally we can be good enough to be valued, but we aren't good to ourselves. So being unbothered is something that we made up, didn't we? We made it up basically to mean detachment, but in the modern world, a way to be a woman

that you don't have to over-function, over-give, overdo, and run. yourself rugged into the ground. So unbothered is the antidote for the modern woman's plight and issues, as it were. Next question says, when did you first start making content about detachment? I started making content and if you are watching this on YouTube, then you can literally go and you can click most popular videos and you will see one of the most popular videos is called the art of detachment or how to detach or how I went from anxious to secure. And that was a video before I ever did any masterclasses, before I ever wrote a book, before anything, where I sat down with myself and I thought, what have I been through that I can

teach others about? What can, what do I feel like that I've made it through that I can teach others about? And that is the journey from anxious attachment to secure attachment. I can tell you how I got there. I am not a guru. I am not a sage. I am not some master. I am not a Buddhist monk. I am not some Marcus Arulyus who knows everything about attachment and detachment, but I am someone, a living girl, a living human who didn't grow up with a dad, really cared about micro-expressions that my boyfriend's had. They wouldn't like me anymore, that they would this, that they would that, that they would

with the other. And I knew how destroying it might be. As funny as it sounds, like, oh my God, girl, get a life. Like, it doesn't matter if he replies to you or not. It doesn't matter what people think about you. It doesn't matter if they didn't invite you. Deeply codependent and deeply in the trenches of that type of personality, I was that and now I am not. I'm so not that that sometimes I wonder if I am now avoidant.

I'm of course joking. I'm not avoidant, but it is night and day. And for those of you who are watching, yes, my hair is an aberunette. I had a Jennifer Aniston a moment, okay? Next question says, when did you first notice that it was resonating with women? Do you know what's really interesting? I was making content for a very long time about fashion because I'm a girl and I like fashion and makeup and this, that and the other, in that era of 2015 of sharing tips and makeup. It was a really exciting time.

There's so much I miss about that. It was a movement and it was amazing. But there was nothing I could teach. There was nothing that I made it through in terms of it being a journey. Like I didn't have acne and then learn how to do my makeup well. I didn't have something that a lot of these women who became very popular knew how to be. people's friends online, first of all, and second of all, they knew how to teach them how to do something. And it started resonating what I started talking about as soon as I started talking about it,

because I think audiences, viewers, and everybody can feel genuine intention about when you talk about something. They can feel a genuine knowledge and a reality behind it. People connect to people. Everyone's very worried about AI. Everyone's going to take over this. It's not going to take over anything. relax, just jobs, yes, but AI is not going to take a job. A guy who's good at AI is going to take your job or a girl who's good at AI is going to take your job. What do women tell you in terms of how bothered they are in their lives? Women are, if bothered is a word, I would say it's preoccupied. Women are very preoccupied with putting the eggs in one basket of a relationship or an outcome that they can't control.

When you put your eggs in a basket of an outcome that you can't control, you become very bothered. bothered. Botheredness in itself comes from thinking you can control something that you cannot control, like the weather. So you have this preoccupied mindset, this obsessive looping mindset, an anxious mindset that is birthed from trying to control things that you can't. When you learn to let go of control, and that is the dark side of all personality types who struggle with anxious attachment, who struggle with codependency and those kind of things, they have a need for control. They will manipulate control out of people by saying that I've done so much for you. You know, women who go, I gave you my best years.

I've done so much for you. I've done this and that for you. And now you treat me like this. No one asked you for those best years. No one asked you for that. No one asked you to pack his lunchbox. No one asked you to make his meals every day and have five of his children. He just didn't use contraception.

Yeah? Nobody asked you. You volunteered and you expected for your sacrifice to be rewarded, but you weren't. Women are bothered in the children. their lives when they're putting their eggs in a basket that they cannot control it is out of your control out of your reach i can for example control that i got i'm going to make a podcast every week i can't control how it's received i can try but i can't control that so i don't even obsess i don't read about it it doesn't matter next question says you're holding space online for women who want to

learn about how to change their lives there's a course and community about it what do you love about working that way i find making courses really addictive if it was up to me and my team know this very well, I would make one every month. But that is not how marketing works. That is not how sales works. And that's people get fatigue over that. The reason I like courses over, I do podcasts too, and I do free content everywhere all the time. But I know psychology and I know unless people invest and unless it's packaged like a product, they don't feel that they get a change from it, right? Because they don't look at it. They don't invest time in it. and you need to invest time in something and to treat it like it's important for it to pay dividends.

I love creating courses. I love, after my love of helping women go from anxious to secure because I just know it so well, my eye is driven towards aestheticism and branding. I love branding. So I love to make a course and put it out there. I love to talk about it. I love the idea of calling something, let's say, unbothered, like the book and thinking about colors around it. I, like a lot of girls, am attracted to creativity, creation, and the packaging

of it. I adore it. So I love making those. So what if you're looking to lose weight but not interested in painful weekly injections and are apprehensive about taking injections, especially when you hear about some of those intense side effects? That's why doctors created a weight loss supplement called lean and the results are remarkable from what I've seen. The studied ingredients, in lean have been shown to lower your blood sugar, burn fat by converting it into energy and curb your appetite and cravings so you're not as hungry. But listen, lean is not for the casual dieter with only a few pounds to lose. The doctors at Brickhouse Nutrition created lean for frustrated dieters with 10 or more pounds to lose. So keep that in mind. Let's get you started with 20% off if you would like it and

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look together and is really easy. That's Goodar. Ready to upgrade your eyewear to something functional, fashionable, fun and affordable. Head to goodar.com slash being her to claim $10 off your first order. That's good. G-O-O-D-R.com slash being her. Why did it feel right to have a book about being unbothered? What's the book that people, what's in the book that people can't find online? What is in the book that people can't find online? is my concentrated thought on a throughline of Amanda and Emily. Once you pick up the book, you will meet my fictional characters, Amanda and Emily. People I can tell in a storyline.

There is also stories about women who appear throughout. People often ask me, give me an example. There are a million examples of how she acted before, how she then started acting afterwards. There is also tools. Every single chapter ends with a toolbox of what you can do when that symptom comes up in your life. So the book is something you can carry with you.

You can't carry me with you, unfortunately. Polly Pocket Margarita, right? But you can carry the book and all the tools are in there. Question says, we know you like to give names to avatars and they really do work. And I'm bothered. We have Emily and Amanda. Tell us about them.

Well, yeah, Emily and Amanda. Emily is our anxiously attached girl. Amanda is our avoidant. The two places we often go when we feel that we are trying to be liked by somebody, we go very Emily, and when we are tired of wanting people to like us, we go very Amanda. So in those characters, I have built out the whole idea of what those attachment styles are and how you can make it out of them. This book is structured in stages. You don't expect the reader to change straight away. You lead them through the stages and give

practical exercises for them to follow. What happens if someone feels like this simply can't move past one stage? What would you advise them to do? That's life, isn't it? not moving past the stage. You read the whole book, you use the exercises and you come back. Sometimes we're not supposed to heal. We're not supposed to unlock everything. Sometimes we're supposed to be exactly who we are. But understanding that there are tools and understanding that if someone wrote this book and they understand how I feel and maybe the tool didn't help me now, but it's going to help me in a year, being seen is the purpose of the book. Being aware that somebody else has had your experience is perhaps the biggest thing that I can give someone,

as opposed to a transformation. Next question says, I think it's important to say that the book is not a magic pill. It's a guidebook and a roadmap and readers have to help themselves. 100%. I don't know if that was supposed to be my answer in there, but it's exactly what I would say. I think being seen, I think Marilyn Manson, of all people, said this when they said, when he was like the icon for teenagers who were struggling back in the 90s, they said, what would you say to a teenager who was feeling a certain way and, you know,

feels misunderstood? He said, I wouldn't say anything. I would listen. if I could package myself listening to the audience members within that book, just me sitting in their potty pocket again listening, of course I would. So the feeling I'm trying to ignite in you is that lots of people who've been through this, there are ways out of it. And the main thing that you want is to be seen, loved and appreciated, right?

And it's not going to be found with the things that you do by giving too much, functioning too much, trying to do more for people and men in your life. It's going to be found at the end of finding yourself when you find yourself when you find yourself and put more into yourself, that's things you can control. There you will find the peace and the joy and the residence that you are looking for in trying to please everyone else. Are there any particular lessons in the book that you feel you've needed the most in your life? I think the most practical thing that I learned throughout my journey and through women's journeys is instead of telling women that say you want someone's attention or approval or

affection or you're really, really interested in someone, let's call him Dave. Instead of telling them, doesn't matter what Dave thinks, men aren't shit, let go of him, he's a loser. That just doesn't work when your whole mindset is hinged on getting his approval. What does work for women, and ironically, it frees them too, is saying Dave's approval, as much as we all want to say, we don't care about it, can only be one by actually being yourself and by actually putting work into yourself and by being the best version of yourself. Nobody falls in love with a fan who follows them around. Maybe some people do, but that's not what love is. It's supposed to be between two people. So if you completely eliminate your personality, just do whatever Dave wants to do, follow him around, give to him, do everything he wants, have no personality of your own.

You're expecting something quite impossible. You're expecting Dave to fall for something that doesn't exist, aka you, who's now a shell of yourself because all you do is try and play cake. him. That is not fascinating, adorable or cute, that there has no tension or tenacity to it. You have to be an entity within yourself. Like I always cite the study where they said, where is the time you find your partner most attractive? And all the studies come back again and again. It's when their partner is doing something outside the relationship where they're in flow. So they're very good at building or they're good at doing a presentation or whatever it is. That's the time the partner is most attractive. You're not giving Dave the opportunity to find that attraction in you because you're always at his beck and call. So the magic pill, if there was one, isn't to say, forget men, men are shit, but it's to say

the prize that you're looking for, the cookie that you're looking for, the adoration that Dave might give you, is not in self-sacrifice. It's in selfishness, meanness, and vainness. As funny as that sounds. As were the new rules, you recorded the audiobook, did you enjoy it? When I recorded the audiobook for the new rules, I love that book. That book is my little baby because it was so raw, so I didn't know how to write, not that I know how to write now. I don't claim to be a writer, but, you know, I've written two books. I write how I speak with this one. It's more polished because I now understood what it is to write,

as opposed to just take what I've done before with my work and kind of try and navigate it into something that makes sense. With this one, I thought, okay, it needs to be a storyline through it. When I was recording the new rules, I had a newborn baby that had to be brought in and out constantly because she was so new, she couldn't be without me, and she needed me all the time. And it was just like, if you ever want a high-tension, stressful experience, forget, forget jumping out of a plane. You should just have a baby and then do something that requires you to be totally quiet.

So without the baby, but then the baby is just very, very, very intense. And this time, it was just as tricky in terms of you've got to get the words out. I like to add lib. you've got to say it as it is, but I enjoy it. I love working on my stuff. How is recording an audio book different to recording a podcast? You've got to say it right, and you've got to have muscularity behind your language. You can't talk like James Dean in this kind of like harried way like I like to talk.

You can't change your accents suddenly. You can't sound unhinged like I like to do. You can't swear. Things have to make sense. you have to do pickups if you changed a word from and to the or something, not that you changed that, but end to and or something, you've got to change it. So it's got to be a little bit formal. Can we talk about nails for a second?

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That's O-L-I-V-E-A-N-D-J-U-N-E dot com slash B-E-I-N-G-H-E-R for 20% off your first system. Recently started recording your podcast in a studio rather than in your home. Some members of your audience had feelings about it. If you're still making content in your car, just like the old days, what do people think about the car? This whole fiasco about podcast in a studio versus car is really funny. I think what people care about is not the car or the room. They care about me talking to them alone.

So when I have camera people around me or people with me filming me, I don't go on unhinged tangents because right now when I'm talking to a camera or a mic, I'm talking to one person. I'm not talking to 10 people. And people are very intelligent creatures, especially my audience, number one, most intelligent audience. They can tell connection. It is impossible to talk to a camera in a connected one-on-one way with a room full of people. You will change how you talk no matter how trained you are. Here right now, I'm talking alone.

I'm talking to one camera. As I'm recording this, people like that. They don't care where I am, but they like that. They like the intimacy. That's what they want. Intimacy and realness and rawness. So you know what, girl, it's cheaper for me to record myself. So if that's what they like, that's what I'm going to give them.

You know, in life, we always try and do what everyone else is doing. Studio, expensive, put together. But why is it going to be the same? Why are all podcasts interview format? Why? It's always the same. For anyone wanting to become a content creator, part of the challenge is the creativity required to keep coming up with new material.

Do you ever feel like the well runs dry? I would say inspiration to show up runs dry. My want to be private runs high. My kind of want to hibernate or not be in a season where I show up for everyone because essentially my format is giving advice. It's an educational and entertainment format. Some creators it might be like entertainment and friendship format, right? So it just depends on what your format is, but sometimes,

if you're an educational creator, you don't want to always be teaching. And likewise, if you're an entertainment creator, you don't always want to be entertaining. Those aren't always the seasons. Is it possible for inspiration to run dry when it comes to the human experience? Not really. Not truly, if you think about it. Every day you can go in your comments and you can help somebody new. You might be repetitive, but some of the best things are repetitive.

People get a style in art and in life by repetition. Van Gogh became Van Gogh because of the repetition of how he paint. if you only do things once, that that is not the way you succeed in the experiment where they said somebody has three weeks to do one painting versus a painting every day. The classes that did repetition came out with better drawings as opposed to someone who could plan one painting for three weeks and get it perfect, right? So, yeah. While you're creating content and books, you're also running a business. Does that mean switching between parts of your brain or do you feel like they work well together?

I have a media company that creates my podcasts, right? And I run my business, which creates my books and my masterclasses and everything. So I have two personalities. I think I said at the opposite around, but you get my point, right? So I am a business owner and I'm also a persona, and I'm also a writer, but I'm also a mom. And then I'm also like a negotiator of all the things that I have to. to get done in life. I think if for me, if I overthink systems and I overthink how to do it, things just don't happen. I build the plane while flying it. I just do it. I do it because I want

to write books. I want to have masterclasses. I want to make my children happy. I want to do all these things. So I'm just throwing shit at the wall and seeing it for sticks. I don't have days. I do certain things. I probably should, but that is not how I can show up. Today I had to pick up my son from school because they have a toothache. My children always come first. But all these things I just want to create. So I do. That's all it is. You have a US Canada release coming up for the print book and the ebook and the audiobook are already available around the world. There has been such a great response on your announcement about this. So many pre-orders. Are you planning to visit the states at some point soon on what's next? Girl, I am planning. I am planning to visit the states

very soon. I don't know how I'm going to do it because I have a whole entourage of children and everybody who needs to come with me. And I like, I don't feel overwhelmed by having a business and creating podcasts and doing all these things, but I feel overwhelmed by just like moving locations and traveling. People love traveling. I don't know what kind of Victorian person that I am that I'm just like, oh no, better stay in my home.

Don't like to travel. Like I don't get the bus from travel. I think because I grew up moving so much, I don't need. I don't need to do, like, my nanny went away. The person who helps me, I hate calling people a nanny, but the person who helps me with my kids, because some people don't like that, right? The person who helps me with my kids, and she went away and she, you know, did some kind of, I don't know what it is, like, whatever people do, like bungee jumping, running down a cliff,

like in the, I don't know, scuba. And I'm like, release me demons from these things. Like, I could never, like, my life is scary enough, okay? I have enough worries. I don't need to be worried more. I don't, yeah. But yes, U.S. trip is coming. Fingers crossed.

I will be there. And then as time goes on and my kids are older, you will see me everywhere because I'll be leaving them here and then I'll be traveling alone and you will see me in every city. Coming to a city in New York soon. So guys, on the podcast, that is the interview over, you have helped me. Both prepare for the interview today.

It is currently 4 o'clock. I have to be there at 5.30. So everyone who I'm seeing there, comment in this video and let me know that you came and that you got the book. And everyone who has got the book, let me know what your thoughts are on it. And I know you lots like Jetty Tots. See you on the next one. Bye.