BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 170: Why Selfish Women Get The Life You Want

Episode Date: June 21, 2026

Join The Unbothered Woman.You were taught that selfishness is a bad word for a woman to be.Margarita disagrees and she's about to prove it.In this episode, Margarita breaks down why selfishness is the missing  ingredient in your manifestation, your relationships, your boundaries, and your life and why self-sacrifice has been quietly running you dry.05:46 – #1: Selfish women ask for what they want08:04 – #2: Selfish women don't volunteer for self sacrifice10:23 – #3: Selfish women are not afraid to disappoint people12:11 – #4: Selfish women spend money on themselves14:56 – #5: Selfish women protect their energy16:24 – #6: Selfish women have higher standards17:39 – #7: Selfish women understand the irony of lifeIf you've ever felt depleted from doing everything for everyone,  resentful in your relationships but unable to say why, or afraid to ask for what you actually want this episode is for you.Leave a voice message to be featured on the next episodeGet your copy of UnbotheredBeing Her is your no-filter space for woman empowerment, relationship  advice, confidence, feminine energy, and living life completely on your own terms.Love you lots like jelly tots xxSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Why selfish women get the life that you want? And you're not getting the life that you want. What is going on? I'm going to tell you that selfishness is the number one ingredient that you need to sprinkle upon your life as a woman, as a feminine energy goddess in order to get what you want. because without said selfishness, and we're going to flip selfishness on its head and the entirety of what it means, you know what's selfish as well? Do you know what's selfish?

If you're watching this, I am currently in my car in a secret hidden car park, and right now there's a man to my right. Just watching me. Why are you watching me, brother? You're selfish enough already. You don't need to be more selfish, okay? So why selfish women get the life that they want and why you should be more selfish to unlock everything you've ever, ever wanted. It's dawned on me lately as we arrive in our new era that there are several principles of feminine wisdom that I need to teach you in order for you to unlock your

potential because we've thought about men. We've talked about what we're going to do with them, how we're going to do it, everything that's going to happen, ABC, DFG until the cows come home. That's great. We've got men unlock. If we're still a little bit bothered about men, go and do my unbothered women. It's live at the moment. But what we have, not learned is what to focus on when we're not focusing on men and minutia and friendships, right? And the first unlock, this is going to be a series, okay, of things that you need to be. The first unlock is selfishness. Now, selfishness we're taught in today's society in the modern world is a bad thing for a woman to be. But I'm going to tell you different. When I became selfish

and it was very hard for me and I still find it hard. If I was to be hand on heart, honest, I struggle with it all the time. But when I lock into my selfish era, that is when things start to happen for me. That's when books manifest. That's when I get the jobs I want, the kids I wanted. Not that you can be selfish and I have kids, but the way I show up as a mom, all of it is very, very much unlocked when I tap into my selfishness, okay? Because we are trained as women to very much self-sacrifice in the world. We self-sacrifice and we think that is going to get us the rewards that we want. And I'm here to tell you, Jessica, that it is not. going to do that, okay? If you are not selfish, you cannot have boundaries in the way that you want.

You can't have standards. You can't have ambition. You can't have the rest you want because, oh my God, somebody else needs something quickly from you, okay? Somebody needs something. Why is this battery dying? Rude. Somebody needs something from you. You see, everybody always needs something from you and you cannot live up to your full potential. Now, what I never want to hear you say is that I don't love you. If you're watching this, you will see let's occasions changed. Why? Because the battery died. The battery died. And so I went to get a new one in order to make sure that we can keep recording ladies and gents. What are you still pretending to die for? The thing that we need to debunk about this whole selfish concept, right? Which I'm clearly not being because I drove all the way to get a new battery

to be here. But anyway, guys, we're all fam. We're all fam. I'd do it for you any time is it's not narcissistic, it's not cruel, it's not self-absorbed, and it's not intrinsically selfish in the way we are taught what selfish means to be selfish. You are on this earth to look after yourself predominantly first, in order to then look after other people. We have been trained that self-depletion, self-sacrifice, and all of these things are honorable. They are only honorable if you do them from a replenished source, or they're honorable if you're in some kind of dire situation where you need to sacrifice yourself, which of course I would, for your children, for your greater community and all those things. Of course you would. But we are not living like

that. We're living in a world where you're watching this from, probably from a first world country, where you being so selfless and so self-sacrificing is probably a negative for everyone around you. It is a burden for people around you. People want a person in their life who knows how to look after themselves. Even if we talk about the relationship piece, men prefer a woman who knows how to make herself happy. In fact, they're not only prefer it. They gravitate. They magnetize towards a woman who knows how to look after herself, who's got a manual of ways of how to make her happy. And I'm about to go on to it with point number one, because you know I love a point system. So there are seven points. When the world, when men, when society tells you not to be selfish, what they're

really telling you in that statement is don't prioritize your self. don't look after yourself, don't put yourself first, don't inconvenience anyone, be a good girl. A good girl when you are raised in the world is someone who's not seen, not heard. We don't want you to take up space. We don't want you to be annoying. We don't want you to be all those things. And people think that it is feminine to not take up space, that it is like, I'm going to disappear into the background and give you around peace. No, it's not.

Feminine nature. It's chaotic. It's real and it's raw. that's why so many women end up stuck in positions they don't want to be in and at the end their husband will turn around and be like yeah well nobody asked you to do this nobody asked you to self-sacrifice yourself nobody asked you for these things so let's make it so that that never happens okay so point number one why selfish women win at life and you don't and after this podcast then after this video you will number one selfish women ask for what they want

Remember what I just said to you a few minutes ago? I said to you men are like a women who they have a manual for in terms of like a cactus you're supposed to water once a week. Another flower you're supposed to water every day. Men want to know how to make you happy. When you're self-sacrificing for him all the time, you don't ask for anything. You only want to do what he wants. You only want to live how he wants. You don't have any likes or desires.

you become someone who it's hard to love because it's hard to love someone who is just there as your background character. You are not a main character. He does not feel like he's winning anything by winning you. Men want to feel like they've achieved something by achieving your favor, hence the whole courting situation. But let's forget men for it for a minute. If you are not a woman who can say what she wants, how are people supposed to deliver it to you? And on manifestation and getting the life you want if you cannot tell the universe or the world or anybody what you want in life how is it supposed to deliver it to you if you don't know what business you want if you don't know where you want to live if you don't know how you want to be treated if you don't know where you want to go and you're

afraid to say it if you're afraid to ask for a raise if you're afraid to say what you want and verbalize it with your second or third chakra i don't know which one it is how is the world supposed to deliver it to you it's not possible and it's not probable and it's not like In order to be selfish, you need to ask for what you want. In order for you to know what you want, you have to have self-knowledge. And that is the first part of selfish that I want to debunk. Selfish does not mean self-oriented and not you thinking about yourself. It means having enough self-knowledge to make everyone's life easier by saying what you want

and standing on business. I want this. This is how I want to be treated. Oh, Margarita, I don't know. Should I ask him where we're going, where this is going? No, because you should have already communicated to him what you want. what you want in this world and he should already know that. So why are you asking him where it's going?

He should already know that in order to be with you, this is how it's got to be. And if it's not that, then it's over. Very simple like that. Number two is perhaps my favorite point of a selfish woman and why they get what they want and you might not. Selfish women don't volunteer for self-sacrifice. Women love to volunteer for self-sacrifice and then hold it over people's heads like they're children or their man's head or even their jobs head. I did all of this for you or friendships too.

Women just love to self-sacrifice. It's that martyrpiece that we often talk about, right? They love to self-sacrifice and do things that nobody asks them to do because they think in their mind that if I do this for you, you will do it back. That's how the feminine thinks. Men don't think like that and the world doesn't think like that. The world and men think like this because it was built by men. If you do this for me, that means I was designed.

deserving of said thing you've done and I don't need to do it back. Women think if I did this for you, then you will do it back. So we run ourselves dry like a rag, like a ratty rag, doing things for people that we think they will do for us and they never end up doing it. And we end up completely depleted. Selfish women don't volunteer for self-sacrifice. If someone asks them for something, could you please blah, blah, blah, blah, or they volunteer to say, oh, I would like to help you with this. that's fine, but they don't just give up self-sacrifice in hopes that someone will return the favor. I don't want to hear you saying, but I gave you my best years. I don't want to hear you saying, but I do this and this and you never do it.

Stop doing it. Stop doing things for people that they never consider doing for you. If you need something done, do it for yourself. The reason you feel angry and depleted and you keep telling your husband, oh, but I do this, this, this and this is because you're doing those things instead of doing something for yourself. Do something for yourself first. let him have a McDonald's for dinner. Bye-bye, see you later, sayanara, okay? For example, you stay in a bad relationship. That's an example of self-sacrificing yourself, okay? Being everyone's therapist,

constantly, you're not going to bed, staying on the phone with your friend who's chewing your ear off. She might be a good friend, but you know you're not going to be sleeping. You're over-functioning for everybody. You're doing a lot. People, women who are not selfish, self-sacrifice themselves, if you stop making that a personality trait and saying, I'm a good person, I'm a good person, I do everything for everyone. Maybe you won't develop an autoimmune disease. There is a reason why women mainly develop them instead of men. Selfish. Boop is your next agenda. I want to talk about something I've been adding quietly to my routine that has genuinely made a really good difference and that's beams glow. If you've been feeling a little off lately, low energy, hormonal shifts, skin acting up,

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The formulation actually works, which is why I feel comfortable recommending it. If hormonal balance, skin health, and steady energy are the things that you are particularly working on. And honestly, for most of us, they should be, especially if you're a woman, this is really worth trying. Right now, Beam is having their 4th of July sale and you can get up to 42% off. Head to shopbeam.com slash being her and click my link in the description box and use code being her at checkout. That's shopbeam.com slash being her for up to 42% off. This episode of Being Her is brought to you by Alloy Health.

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why are they disappointed pounding with their little pouty face pouty little raccoon, you'll get over it. If you cannot get over about the fact that tonight you're going to go to Pilates as opposed to, I don't know, hanging out with him and watching a show or whatever it is you guys do, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Let the doorknob hit you with a good lord split you. The life that you want requires you to disappoint people. Because if you don't disappoint people, that means you're doing everything for everyone. Where is the room for you to grow? Where is the room for your business? Where is the room for everything. People will be disappointed. Some of those disappointments are hard to battle with. When I go to work and my children want me to stay at home, they're disappointed. That's hard for me.

I would rather them not be disappointed like that because I hate to see their sad little faces. Why? Because they're children. They're tiny children and I'm their mom and I remember when my mom used to have to go to work when I was young. It's hard. You're like, oh, no, mom's leaving forever. It's like a psychological thing, right? But if your husband and your friends are pouting because you need to put yourself first, that is a non-negotiable, not okay. partners, all of those people, okay? You cannot be universally liked and be fully self-expressed. If you're fully self-expressed and fully meeting your needs and being an incredible human and showing up in the world, you will not be universally liked by everyone. Also, you will become a very, very diluted

version of yourself if everybody likes you. People are disappointed in me. Not everybody likes me. Boo-hoo, so what? A lot of these people that you always want to make happy don't even know you. They're on social media. They're online. You don't know them from a bar of soap. Why do you want to make Gerald happy in Iowa? You've never even been in Iowa. Stop. Number four.

Selfish women spend money on themselves. Oh my God. You're so selfish. You got the salmon suburb facial. Or whatever it's called. Salmon. Rajurin under your eyes. Chef's kiss.

Okay. People ask me for the skin. What I do for the skin? Rejurin under the eyes three times. Bit of forehead Botox. laser genesis, the green one for the skin. That's about it. And sometimes I try and do a little bit of skincare.

And I get in a groove, sometimes I don't. Anyway, selfish women spend money on themselves. That one was hard for me because I'm others oriented. I love to spend money on my kids. You want this bike. You want this schmike. You want that piece of whatever. I'm there.

I'm spending money. But investing in everyone else and neglecting yourself is a problem. Beauty, health, education. you don't have money to educate yourself, you don't have money to look after yourself at that capacity, it's a problem, it's problematic. Investing in your therapy, investing in your business, investing in your look. There is nothing more vacuously sounding than investing in your beauty, but there is nothing that will pay you more dividends as a woman in this world that we are living in. Yes, we are not living in the fifth dimension yet. We're not living in heaven. We're not living

apparently we are not, right? So in this world, in this plane, women's beauty and even men's animals buildings nature's beauty counts us human beings we love a beautiful thing if you want your life to be easier invest in your beauty everyone can go from a five to an eight from an eight to a ten from a one to a five you need to invest in your beauty i hate to grade people but you know what i'm saying when i'm saying a grade like you can improve your look and no i'm not clivocular or whatever his name is about looks maxing but if if if it comes to you taking your man out, I don't know where you'd be doing that, but going out for Pizza Hut, or you're getting your hair done, you're getting your hair done. That is the education that we're

having here. That is what you're doing. That's an unnegotiable. Your beauty comes first, and he'll treat you better. I know that this is a really, really harsh thing to say, and I probably even shouldn't say it on podcasts and online, but a lot of times men, no, always men treat women better that they find good looking and any sign you can give him of you being a woman and being unlike him skirts heels hair out done he will treat you better that's a hack that is not a life lesson that does not mean you to adhere to that you can say f him i don't want him to see me that way absolutely queen i'm just here to strategize with you to make you successful and that is one of the successes you can use so why aren't you using it you know if you're a man and men were found to be

beautiful in this world men would use it till the cows come home home. So let's use what they use. Anyway, number five, selfish women protect their energy. Yes, they do. The energy is sacred. Their energy is everything. They protect their energy like it is oil, like it's a resource, like a country protects its highest assets. If you give out your energy, your life source as a woman, that is what you have to give. You know that question? What do you ring to the table? Your energy. They don't attend every event. They don't answer every text. They don't rescue every person. I had a problem with answering every text on time, rescuing every person, always being there for everyone. I have a tendency now to leave things on red and people cry about it and get

upset. I am sorry. I am sorry. I have to be selfish because I have dependence. That is you guys, because I promised you I'd show up and that is my children because I decided to have them. Nobody asked you to come here on this platform. I asked you, right? And nobody asked my children to be born. I birth them and nobody asked you know actually my husband asked me to marry him so I'm his dependent right it just depends the ecosystem that you create I asked you to be here I ask my children to be born and here they are that is someone I will always answer to and be therefore everyone else I'm sorry has to be patient I cannot be at everything I cannot answer every text I used to give out my energy like it was free it is not free it's going to show up on your face

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Please support our show and let them know that we send you. Number six, if you're selfish, you have higher standards. If you're selfish, you think about who you are more, your standards more, and your self-werex. more and you think of yourself on a pedestal of I am not going to give away my time, energy and peace for that. So you have higher standards because you're not trying to make everybody comfortable, okay? You're trying to make good decisions. If you have respect for yourself, if you put yourself first as you should, right, because

no one else is going to, you are going to make good decisions for yourself. Selfish women have higher standards because they are not going to waste their energy, which they see is precious, on something that is not worth it. And I'll tell you something else. Things that know their value, businesses, brands, people get treated better. And it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. People who think they're going to get treated badly, get treated badly.

It's very annoying, very sad, very bad, very mad. But that is how the world for some reason functions. It fulfills its own prophecy. And number seven, before everything battery dies and everything just implodes. Okay, because I'm not going to take up too much of your time because you're entering a selfish era. you're going to think about like your nighttime routine what face mask you want to do what you are going to do with your kids everything like that okay number seven selfish women understand humor and the irony of life and the lack of seriousness that there is to this woman who take care

of themselves best are often the most to give to others right that's the self-fulfilling thing because they are full and they are not depleted. The irony of life and the humor, as it were, as you enter the stage of life, is that you think by self-sacrifice and putting everyone first, you are going to benefit everyone the most. But truth be told, the more self-oriented you are in self-knowledge, self-peace, and self-occupation with who you want to be, the more you have to give.

The better people treat you, the kinder to them you can be. When I became selfish in my marriage, I stopped disliking my husband. Now, when I say disliking, I mean, I loved him the whole time. But when I was trying to, and this is a true story, right?

When I was trying to self-sacrifice for him, I had resentment towards him. Yeah? Even my partners, my mom, my friends, I had a layer of resentment. He was just the closest person because he's married to me. but I had a layer of resentment towards him because I was like, look at him.

He's not done this, this and this, but I've done this, this, this and this. I started a tally in my head because I was depleted and dry spiritually, physically, every way, right? Because I didn't have my hair done because I spent time, money, effort on him. By money, I never really bought him things, but you know what I mean? That was never me. But I just mean I spent energy and everything on him. And for example, for his birthday, I would go and buy him something. Now I don't do that.

I don't do that jazz anymore. He can buy himself something, please. Please, release me. Release me demons. I'm telling you, honestly, the more I started to focus on myself and put into myself, the kinder he became to me, funnier to me, worshipping of me.

I cannot tell you if you start to love yourself, he will love you. If you love him, he will love himself. The feminine energy is like the neck and masculines like the head. Wherever the neck points him, that's where he's going to look. So I'm looking at me, he's looking at me, Everyone says, wow, wow, he really worships you.

He idolizes you. Hasn't always been like that. Has not always been like that baby girl. No, because when I was looking at him and I was trying to make him comfortable in the world and always prioritize him, he was prioritizing himself and I was resentful. But then when I was like, no, no, do you know what? I was born as me. I'm going to look after me. I'm a cute little furry critter.

I deserve all the love in the world. Now he sees me that way too. And it works in friendships. It works in every aspect of life. That the more selfish you are, in quotations ironically, the more you take care of yourself, that is what selfish just means. Take care of yourself. The more energy, life and love and money you've got to give to others.

Okay? And that is staying on business. I'll see you in the Unbothered Woman WhatsApp group. It's in the Lincoln bio. Love you lots like daily tots. Bye!