BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 171: How to Deal With Jealous People

Episode Date: June 28, 2026

Join the Unbothered WomanNot everyone in your life is going to like you. Your mother in law. Your colleagues. People online. And the harder you try to convince them otherwise, the worse it gets.In this episode, Margarita breaks down exactly what to do when you're  surrounded by people who don't like you, are jealous of you, or quietly resent you and why trying to be "enough" for them will never work.In this episode:— Stop trying to convince people who've already decided who you are— Jealousy is usually not about you, it's about them— Not everyone deserves access to you— Never shrink yourself to make others comfortable— Success reveals people— The opposite of jealousy is inspiration— Never complain, never explain— You don't have to attend every argument you're invited to— Stop making peace your responsibility aloneIf you've ever felt exhausted from trying to explain yourself to people who won't listen, or like your success makes certain people uncomfortable this episode is for you.Leave a voice message to be featured on the next episodeGet your copy of UnbotheredBeing Her is your no-filter space for woman empowerment, relationship advice, confidence, feminine energy, and living life completely on your own terms.Love you lots like jelly tots xxSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome back to my podcast, guys and girls. Today is going to be a softly spoken podcast because I'm at home and it is evening. And if you hear wailing like an orphan child in Victorian England is dying in the corner, alas, it is not the case. It is my daughter who is too that is aware I am home. And the rest of the family is just simply not good enough to spend time. with you hear that whale? Mm, yeah, that land's different.

Trust me, they are very nice people. They are also her family and they are just spending time with her. So we move. This is the time we've got to record today. And after this, the reason I'm in this location is I am jumping on a podcast after this with someone very, very exciting, not for my podcast, but for someone else's. And I'm sure you know her and I'll be posting it very soon, as soon as she puts me on her beautiful platform. Anywho, any way, anyway. Today we're going to be touching on a subject

that has come in my life at different stages, at different phases, and at different times, but it has materialized in different ways, okay? It is what to do with people who don't like you, are jealous of you, make your life hard, or they resent you, and you've got to kind of be in the proximity of them. That is a hard cookie to cut, okay? Because we've talked a lot of about men and how to make them obsessed and how to decenter them and how to this one, that one and the other one. But life is not all about men. I know it's shocking. It's not all about men. It's also about other peripheries of said situation. There is friendship groups. There is family. There is in-laws. There is sisters, cousins, brothers. There is your own mother and father.

And there are times when you're going to have haters and they're going to hate you. And even people online and they're going to hate you and it's like what do you do with that energy people write mean comments people at work say that you're not good at your projects people at your school i don't know what parents do pta meetings say that you did this that with the other it could be messy and nasty but not here not today no ma'am no sir not on the being her podcast we're going to dissect it we're going to make a quick dissection and i've got my trusty notes here on my phone so if you see me looking down it is not me looking at the floor for ants it is me looking at the floor for ants it is me at my notes, okay? So I used to think, yes, and I think a lot of people think that, that if they

are kind enough, successful enough, beautiful enough, tall enough, short enough, skinty enough, or whatever it is enough, they are going to get the admiration, love and approval that they seek and that people will eventually, and this piece is very big, understand them. They think that people will understand them and break through something like a lack of understanding or a miscommunication or something that if they're just enough. And for me, it spanned not just from my adult relationships, it spanned all the way from childhood where when I piece it together now, I realized that I did miss universe and tried to do well at school. Oh, I can be clever enough. Oh, now I can be pretty enough. Or now I can be popular enough. I can do anything enough just to get my dad's attention who was not in my life.

Yes, that's right. I didn't think about it that way. at the time, but I remember my life being very much having these pins of situations where I would achieve a certain thing, like a grade or a task or something, or, for example, placing second in Miss Universe. I know you're looking at me now and you're like, when, girl, there was a time, okay, relax, relax. Basically, I beauty maxed, as people would call it, back in the day for the times, and I was like, oh, look to had, I beauty max, and he was like, not impressed. Not that he said that. say anything, but it didn't make him pay attention to me. And this story is not about parents and it's not about him. It's about everything. We do that in life. We think that we are going to win the

love of that person who we never got it from. Now, my mom is the most important person to me in my life in terms of parental relationships and family relationships. Now, I've got my own family and children. But back then, you are always trying to win the approval of the person who never gave it to you and to father. I don't know who that is for you. But that exemplifies throughout your life and in the future, when you try and win the approval or the love of someone who kind of makes you feel like that person made you feel, it doesn't have to be a man, it doesn't have to be a human, it could be a situation or a friendship group that kind of makes you feel maybe ostracized or on the outskirts and that reminds you of how your family

made you feel, okay? And because you think that you can do something enough and your enoughness will make you get this tick of approval, like you're on Instagram verified or whatever, it won't. And the fact that you don't understand is that jealousy and genuine hate of your person is not a misunderstanding. Nobody's confused and thinking, oh God, she's not good enough for us, so we're going to treat her badly. Nobody's confused.

Nobody's misunderstanding. Nobody's anything. Everybody's very much aligned with the fact that they're either jealous or they dislike you. So what are we going to do with those people? Because being enough for them is not going to change it. The first thing I want you to do in these relationships and these situations is stop trying to convince question or ask people what they think about you and try and make them change their mind when they've already decided who you are. So in short, stop trying to convince people who've already decided about you who you are. People don't always see you. People don't always see you.

You are a character in other people's lives. You see yourself in a certain way because you know your life, you know your reality, you've lived your life, you know that if you say something in a certain way, it might be humor. But to somebody else, that might be a violation or something horrible because they don't know you and they don't know your intentions. They have written a story about you when you've come into their life and it's very hard to pivot that story. They may have written a story for you that you're a villain or you're a mean or your sarcastic. stick or let's say you've got a mother-in-law who thinks that you spend too much or don't look after her son well or all of these myriads of things by the way these examples I'm using are never going to be me because then that'll be too obvious they're going to be people who DM'd me okay

except for the father example I'll just use if my example is shared I will say it's mine but from the DMs it's a lot of misunderstandings with parents and law and their own parents and everything that they do for example the issue with trying to pivot someone's opinion about you is that you might explain who you are and why you do things for six hours on end. And if someone needs you to be the villain in your story, they'll simply edit your explanation. If, for example, someone needs you to be the assertive asshole at work and you're not, you're just somebody who wants to get things done, they will edit you that way in order to make themselves feel better and be like the person who was persecuted at work.

If you are a very hands-on mother and you have a mother-in-law who you don't, need that much help from from it, for example. And she says that you don't let her see the kids. Okay? I just ate broccoli. Have I got green in my teeth? It doesn't matter. It's not about me. It's not about how I look, right? You can deal with the broccoli. They'll simply edit the story. There is no six hours, no 12 hours, no 20 hours, no 500 hours that you could spend telling someone who you are in order for them to then see you differently because you being the villain in their story might be more important than understanding you. The whole structure and the whole fabric of the situation might rest on you being a villain. Them being good person might only stand on

you being a villain. So you're trying to explain yourself and say you're actually the good guy is going to break up the whole philosophy and it's not worth it to them. Don't waste your peace trying to win a courtroom you never agreed to be in. Why are you sitting there trying to be on a panel of a jury judging you when you never asked to be judged? That is not their role. They can be disappointed in you because nobody appointed them. You understand? Nobody appointed you to be disappointed. Relax. Point number next. Jealous people. As weird as it sounds, you know, I sound like the mom who's like, they're just jealous of you, honey. Jealousy is usually not even about you. It's psychological. People compare upwards, okay? So if somebody is jealous of you and trying to bring you down, you must understand

that they see you as someone to aspire to. If they are jealous of you and talking crap about you, You must understand that you were in their periphery in the first place. People look up and they can only see those who are above them, okay? Sometimes your existence alone reminds them of the things that they have not yet done. And the discomfort of not being yet in the place that you are is redirected at yours truly, at you. It's redirected at you. As opposed to going, oh, look at her up there. She, I don't know, looks good in the morning or she works out or she's doing this or she's eating well or she's got a relationship I want.

Instead of them saying, oh, I'd like that, I love jealousy and envy or whatever a form it comes in, because it tells me that if I am, it happens to everybody. If it doesn't happen, that means you're not human. When that tinge of like, oh, I want that. If I ever feel that, I know that, oh, this is my next conquest. This is the next thing that I want to do. This is the next thing that I want. Let's say my friend is on a cover of a magazine, for example, for whatever reason she would be there or writes a bestselling book. And I go, oh, wow, I'm a little bit jealous.

that means that that's what I want. Jealousy is an indicator, an arrow pointing to what it is you want. But people treat it as a poison arrow in order to say, oh, her over there, she's got that thing. Let me bring her down to my level. So I've got no one to look up to and remember that I am not there yet. If you lose weight, if you build a business, if you look good in the morning, some people will celebrate you who love you, even if they're a little bit jealous. And others become irritated and the same event can have two effects.

So if people are trying to bring you down, understand that people don't attack in that jealous, condescending, crappy way, those who are below them. What is the point? There is no reason because they don't attack downwards. It's always if they're intimidated or you are above them. That is a fact. Number three is a lesson learned. Okay, the kids are playing now.

Joy. The Victorian orphans have distracted themselves. Number three, no one, not everyone deserves access to you. As porous empathic, lovely people that we are, we have this feeling that we owe some kind of honesty, access, availability to everybody in our lives. Your plans, your dreams, your next steps, what you're going to do, you give it away for free. And in that you allow, I know I'm going to sound like some kind of voodoo doctor or something, but you allow the energy of that person to minimize it.

The people that clap for you are great, but some of them will look at you and make little faces, little remarks, who does she think she is, and put you off your mission. Furthermore, the danger in telling people everything that you're doing and giving absolute access to you is that you already, even the people who are celebrating you, have a feeling in having achieved that thing. Let's say I'm going to open a lamp shop, right? And I go, oh, I'm going to open the biggest, most beautiful lamp store. It's going to have vintage lamps and all these things. And by telling you that story, I already see that you're so excited for me. We talk about it. And I have that boost, that excitement of having done the thing when I've never actually done the thing.

So be guarded with your plans, your dreams and your finances. I learned that the hard way many times. Number four is very, very important. You should not shrink to make other people comfortable. You should remove those people from your life. Women do this a lot. They shrink their achievements. They are goodness.

Like, I do this a lot when people say, oh, wow, you've done such a great achievement. You've written a book. I'm like, read a book, who's written a book of whatever? I just wrote some words on a paper. I constantly shrink my success. I apologize for my success. I pretend that I don't work as hard as I do. I do that all the time because I know what it is to be a woman in the world and I know what it is to be liked or disliked. And being disliked is hard work. Being disliked by women is hard work. Being disliked by men is

hard, hard work, especially when you're a woman. So you do all these protective mechanisms like not sharing your achievements and not being excited for yourself when actually what we should be doing, ladies and gentlemen is removing those people from our lives. It's not your light that is hurting these people. It's their relationship with your light. Yeah, they have a relationship with your light that is comparative and poisonous and evil. Your light is a good thing in the world. The more success you have, the more amazing things you do, the more businesses you open, the more pathways and work you can create for other people. It's only a good thing because you're doing things from a good place. Number five is success reveals people.

It reveals people as money reveals people and people often say, yeah, she was there for me in the hard times. It doesn't matter. Hardship often brings sympathy and empathy because misery likes company. But success reveals envy and success reveals those people too. Watch who changes around you when you have a happy day. Watch who distances themselves. Watch who becomes different around you and stop celebrating you. Success like money, like many of these things, is a relationship. filter. Sometimes you might have mistaken the person who was there for you in your hard times as a genuine friend, but it could be somebody who just likes to be around hard times because it makes them feel good about themselves in comparison. Number six is a little brain trick. The opposite of jealousy, if you're feeling it yourself and you want to pretend that you don't, isn't confidence. It's not like,

oh, she's jealous over there and this one's confidence. over there. The opposite of jealousy is inspiration. Like I said before, everything that you are jealous of or you feel that you want. If you are a confident woman, if you're an unbothered woman, by the way, join unbothered woman. It starts on the 29th of June and it's going to be amazing. We're doing five weeks of group chats, changing our whole persona to be the unbothered queen. You are meant to be. If you feel jealous about something, you observe yourself and you can ask, what can I learn. The opposite of jealousy is inspiration. You need to get inspired by your jealousy, and that's going to make you grow amazingly. Number seven is never complain, never explain,

understand the becoming unbothered, truly unbothered, is understanding that some people will genuinely not like you. And if you are for everyone, that means you stand for nothing and you stand for no one. To be a genuine person, an exciting person, somebody who's moving something in the world, someone who's changing things in the world means to be disliked by one or two people. That is just the nature of the beast. If you have something to say in the world, if you are a little bit naughty, if you're a woman who makes history, you're going to be disliked. And that's okay. And that's okay.

You're not going to spend your time convincing people that they're going to like you. You're not going to spend, you know, every time you spend trying to convince someone to like you is absolutely time wasted that you could be creating something and doing something incredible. and amazing. Number eight is you don't have to attend every argument you're invited to. When you're in flow and you're doing amazing things, the devil will try and get you and distract you. I have found that a lot, a lot. The better I'm doing, the more peaceful and sane I am,

people will try and fight me for no reason. And I mean that in the most strange and obscure way. Just even online or something, they'll be like, you're rah, rah, rah, rah. Like, I've never heard of you. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what you're pissed off about. but they will try and come for you.

If you are God's favorite and you are doing well and things are happening, the devil notices you as well as they say. And if you don't believe in any of that, it's a metaphorical, physical thing too. The more energies around you, the more things are happening for you, negative energy can be attracted to. And not every argument that you're invited to must you attend. You can easily block and a block and walk away. You could easily also do the Grey Rock method, which is my favorite method, to deploy.

ploy with psychopaths where you have no emotions and I don't mean in a freaky way. I mean in a calm way you don't get too excited about anything you don't celebrate anything you don't get down about anything when they're trying to provoke you and argue with you and they're like oh you didn't do the dishes and you're like oh yeah I didn't yep you're right just no emotion gray rock number nine is stop making peace your responsibility alone you need to draw the line on you always being the who apologizes, stays quiet, absorbs disrespect, and this is in a relationship when you're with a man or everything. That is not peace.

That is you carrying the peace on your back. And that is not peaceful. That's compliance. So if you being peaceful and then being reactive means a relationship carries on, that is not something that you should be pursuing or doing. Anyway, guys, we'll make this a short one before I sneeze into the camera. I'm sure you can tell that I'm not very well. But I'll see you on the next one.

And I'll see you on June 29th. if you're watching this later and then I'm sure we're doing other things by now but yeah check everything out we've got going on in the description box below love you