BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 178: Emotional Independence Will Change Your Life

Episode Date: August 16, 2026

Watch Detach, my 3 day intensive masterclass here.Every man's ex is crazy. Have you noticed that?In this episode Margarita reclaims the word crazy and breaks down why emotional sovereignty is one of the most powerful things a woman can develop, why the cool girl performance is slowly killing you, and why feeling your emotions deeply is not your weakness.It is your greatest asset.In this episode:1. Emotions are information not instructions to act2. Emotional independence means stopping expecting others to regulate you3. A regulated woman still cries and still gets angry4. Stop treating every feeling like an emergency5. Femininity is not emotional chaos it is leading your own emotions6. Learn the difference between intuition and activation7. Peace is not something a man gives you it is something you build8. Stop outsourcing your self worth9. Emotional maturity is the most attractive thing you can develop10. The goal is not crazy amounts of happiness it is stability and joyIf you have been called crazy for having a completely valid reaction, if you suppress your emotions just to seem cool, or if you are handing your emotional regulation to everyone around you, this one is for you.Welcome to emotional sovereignty.Being Her is your no filter space for woman empowerment, relationship advice, confidence, feminine energy, and living life completely on your own terms.Love you lots like jelly tots xxSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Good morning, my beautiful, darling. Here it's the evening, the sun is going down, glimmering in our eyes even. I've got a beautiful glass of bubbles. It is the size of my head because I'm not going back to the fridge for a refill because my children are there, that's right. Let's take a sip together and enjoy this afternoon because today we're celebrating being crazy. enjoying. Listen, I've had a lot of thoughts around what it is to be a woman in the modern age

and what it means to fully embrace one's femininity, whether it be from a lens of feminine energy, whether it be to embracing your partner on how to make him this, how to make him that. We've gone through the ringer and their loops with it all. And I just want to welcome all my crazy beatches to the podcast. okay, I want to reclaim the word crazy because you know when a man gets with you and he's just dumped his ex, she is always crazy. She is always crazy. Okay, why is she always crazy?

There seems to be a lot of crazy women rocking around. We just don't know them, but they're all crazy because this word is basically designed, yeah, to make women fear their emotions. But the feminine, ladies is powerful when it's in its natural and that is chaotic. I'm not saying you need to be chaotic in your everyday life and go around like breaking houses like the Hulk. No ma'am. No. But one of the most powerful things you can do is master your emotions. This key, mastering your emotions and accepting the crazy, especially in times of your cycle when they're different, okay, And rolling with the punches and not letting them tell you, oh my God, she's crazy. By the way, as soon as a man says my ex was crazy, he's the crazy one.

Any real gentleman will not say anything bad about his ex and we'll just keep it stepping. Yeah? That's the first test. But crazy is one of the most powerful words used in society to control women. It is basically used to say you cannot express how you feel. You are supposed to say mute and expressionless, okay? In this series of words that women are scared to be called, mean, difficult, bitchy, all of these words, crazy is probably top tier.

Because crazy denotes the fact that you are not of this world. You do not know how to conduct yourself in this world. You are repellent to men. You have emotions that are not justified. You act in a way that does not sustain you in this society. You are basically yucky. You are like the Haggerty witch in the forest who's laughing herself into delirium, by the way, is an amazing place to be. A woman can be completely right. She can be completely logical.

She can be all of these things and yet she gets called crazy and she is ostracized for being crazy because he cheated on her but she reacted in a certain way so she's crazy. So this episode right now, I am going to tell you one of the most powerful tools you can have as a woman and that is emotional sovereignty, possession of your emotions. You will become a mammoth of a goddess in this earth if you can possess your emotions and control them in this world that we live in today. Because if you can, it is way more powerful than all these things that we've been taught to do. And that is master ourselves financially, basically work for the man, do these things for ourselves, never ask for help, get the best grades, be a good girl, and don't be crazy.

Because if you are crazy, you are inconvenient. And we talked about that on last week's episode, right? History has taught us that a woman is emotional. That's what they've taught us throughout history. When a woman is emotional or she listens to her emotions or she's with a man and she feels he's treating her badly and she expresses that and she says, I don't like that. And he says, you're crazy and he gaslights her. Where does gas lighting come from? It comes from when a man was trying to convince a woman that she is crazy in a movie.

So he started turning off the gas lamps and then saying, no, he didn't to make her feel that she's doubting her in mind that she's crazy. For centuries, women's emotions were criticized and then even medicated. The word hysteria comes from the Greek word for uterus. It basically denoted that your uterus was causing you to have emotions and feelings. Women were diagnosed as hysterical. They were put into mental asylum. Anytime they felt grief, frustration, anger, any human emotion, they were put away. Yeah?

Throughout history, women who challenged the expectations of being able to have human emotions, because remember, men can have them because they can start wars. Yeah? I think men are personally way more emotional than women, but we move. But you need to remember. that you're a human being. You have the right to have emotions, but then the next step after having the right to have them

is deciding what to do with them. Because if you are crazy, then you can decide what to do with you're crazy. Women have learned to suppress their emotions and act cool because the cool girl is the ultimate thing to be. The cool girl who doesn't mind how he treats you, the cool girl just goes with the flow. That's the cool girl, that's the vibe.

Oh my gosh, she's so cool. She's so amazing. No more. What we start to do is perform emotional, affection, right? We smile when we're angry. Hello, illness in the future. We laugh when we're uncomfortable. Oh my God, he's touching me on the shoulder. He's so funny. We say it's fine. We apologize for crying. We minimize our intuition, which is a huge one. We minimize our intuition and we become scared of other people's reactions because, God forbid, that they feel a little bit uncomfortable.

God forbid. I've had this question time and time again. What does it mean to be in my feminine and also be emotionally sovereign and stoic, right? Feminine women don't have fewer emotions, so they're just aloof and unbothered. By the way, unbothered, three-day intensive. Lock-in, it's down in the description box below. It is one of the best things I've ever written, done and filmed, and it's all about that feminine ability to become unbothered

and just live your best life. Let's take a sip of shampag into that. The key to femininity is you don't let them call you crazy. You feel your emotion. deeper. Instantly, you allow yourself to feel them and you go through them without denying them. Yeah. They don't allow themselves feminine women, the women that we're trying to be here, okay? The unbothered women. Yeah? We don't cut our emotions off and say, oh, no, that's okay. I don't want to be crazy. I don't want to be ill talked of in the village. The difference between us is we feel our

emotion. We honor it, but we don't make it an emergency. We pause before we react. We're strategic. We're not manipulative and calculated, but we're strategic because what are we here to do, ladies? We're here to get the life that we want, okay? Not the life that is given. The first thing you need to understand is emotions are information. If you do not use your tentacles to sense what emotion you feel, you will not know with your God-given talent what the world is feeding you back, okay? I feel rejection from him. That's information. It might not have. I have to be. I have evidence, but it could be from your childhood. And by sensing that, you can see what's going on with you. If you need work somewhere, if you need to develop in a certain area, okay? Because you feel

rejected by him, you can see traits in his personality. Or you could see, okay, he is treating me well. Why am I feeling rejected? What self-work do I need to do? I feel insecure. That's information. If there's no adequate support to support that, then maybe you need to work on yourself. I feel anxious. It's not evidence that something bad is going to happen, but it's evidence that maybe you are neglecting yourself. What you need to remember is we've been taught time and time again that we should be financially and physically independent. That's great for everyone but us. So we are financially and physically independent when everyone should be working for us. Let's be honest. Because we are living, breathing goddesses. I kid, but I don't. What you need to understand, though, is if you don't

have emotional independence, you are dead in the water. I can feel disappointed that he didn't want me back without chasing him. Do you understand? I can feel disappointed that I'm not his type without chasing him. You see that? You're feeling the emotion. I can feel hurt that he dismissed me, didn't want me, didn't treat me right, without begging him to do so. I can feel jealous without accusing people of wrongdoing. Strength, emotional sovereignty. You're not crazy to feel it, but we're going to strategically express it. I can feel fear without abandoning myself. I'm still going to be by my side. And that is emotional maturity and emotional sovereignty. Can I tell you about something that genuinely changed how my home feels? I used to think that having a space that actually

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Tiga, you need to understand that women who are admired by men especially are not emotionless. Men seek to find emotional connection with women, right? Women who are most praised by men are deeply emotional. They laugh. They cry. They're passionate. They change. They're like the wind.

Patrick Swayze, through my tree. But they don't take their emotions and put it on someone else. The reason men throw out words that are crazy and all these things is because they don't want to carry your emotions. And if we're very honest, women often make other people carry their emotions. I felt this. So now I'm upset and I'm going to cry. Okay, how about instead of crying, you decide to take yourself out of that situations. Also, you need to understand that if people say you're crazy because someone did something wrong to you and you expressed it,

you need to understand that's just the discomfort of somebody else. if you say that you don't like how someone speaks to you or that you don't want a casual dating relationship or that you're leaving a relationship because they mistreated you or that you deserve better, you're often called dramatic or like you stand up for your children or you advocate for someone or, you know, who really gets called crazy a lot, women who stand up for animal rights, crazy, where she crazy, that's okay, that's okay. That's the women's job to be feeling into the world and others, right? relax. We need to all be a little bit crazy. And that's fine, but we don't need to act on it. You need to have this power and sovereignty and strength of a goddess that is like, I feel these emotions. These are my powerful tools in order to understand where I stand in the world. And what am I going to do with it? The biggest thing you need to do is not react straight away. That is forbidden. I talk about that and I'm bothered. The opposite of crazy is not numb and cold. Okay. The opposite of crazy.

is someone who can govern their emotion. The goal is to not become detached from the world. The goal is to become detached from your emotions. So something can make you feel away and you notice it like a river that is flowing next to you, as Bruce Lee said, without getting in the river and starting to splash around. I don't know if you said it that way, but something like that. The goal is to become rooted enough like the tree next to the river to witness the river of emotion, but not go tumbling into it like driftwood and get taken out somewhere into the ether, okay? Don't let emotions drag you around. Don't let emotions make you look like a fool.

You can still feel them, though. Own your emotions before someone else gets to define them. Instead of saying, oh my God, I just like, I don't know how I feel. This is just so, I'm just so crazy. I'm just feeling I'm so crazy about him. Be like he wasn't responsive to me, so I'm sad about it, or I'm afraid, or I'm overwhelmed. or invested a little time and now he's not around.

It's okay to have liked someone. It's okay to feel sad when they don't like you back. Oh my God, that's so natural. The more precisely you can name your emotions. There is a psychologist who did an exercise where emotions aren't angry, sad and happy. There are so many emotions. Go in a dictionary.

This is your exercise after watching this or listening to this and outline other emotions, other emotions, Melancholy is one to start with. Have ownership over your emotions and the through line of everything you feel. Don't let people tell you how you feel. You dictate how you feel. The 10 points you need to remember, your emotions are real, but they're not always an instruction to act, right? They might be real, but they're not an action.

They're a feeling. You need to sit with it for a little bit. I call it the pause in my unbothered course and in my book. You need to pause for 60. minutes. That is a rule. Number two, emotional independent means stopping expecting others to regulate your nervous system. It is up to you to make yourself happy, to pick yourself up, and other people are also on the journey with you. Let's just say you're all on a road. Everyone's riding their own horse. You can't keep falling off your horse and expecting other people to pick you up, okay? Strange

analogy, but that's how my brain works. August always feels like that moment before everything picks up again, I swear to God, it's very, very true for me. And it always starts with my wardrobe because of the changes, right, and whether I look at what I have and I think, do I actually love this? And more often than not lately, the answer has been yes, because I've been building my basics around Quince. Quince is one of those brands that genuinely changes how I think about getting dressed. They specialize in high quality essentials, ultra soft cotton, premium Mongolian cashmere, mm, how bougie, premium stretch denim, beautifully tailored pieces that transition from morning to evening without trying, and everything is priced 50 to 80% less than comparable brands because they work directly with ethical factories

and cut out the middlemen entirely. You're paying for the quality and not the markup. The piece I keep reaching for is their cashmere. As I said, I love me a little bit of cashmium. The quality is genuinely on par with what I've paid three times as much for elsewhere. Once you feel it, you understand why people become completely loyal to this brand. And it's not just clothing. Quince also does hotel quality bedding, bath, kitchen staples and furniture with the same ethos. I upgrade your every day. Download the Quince app for an app exclusive offer or go to quince.com slash being her. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash being her. Number three, a regulated woman cries.

It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel angry. You just can't make other people. responsible for it. Number four, stop treating every feeling as an emergency that you need to address right now, a breakup, a text, a life decision, wait on it. It is so hard for me to follow this rule, but sometimes big things need sleep. Number five, femininity isn't emotional chaos. Being expressive isn't the same as being emotionally led by everyone like a dog on a leash. Femininity is leading your own emotions and feeling them and honoring them. and not letting other people make you feel a type of way, especially groups of people, family members, friends.

Or you should feel upset about this, but I don't feel upset. So we move. Break the expectations. Number six, and I go deeply into this in my book, Unbothered, learn the difference between intuition and activation. Not everything is a sign that you've just downloaded from God in the universe. When you're activated, everything feels super urgent. It feels like you just discovered, you know,

the meaning of life and intuition. True intuition is very quiet and it comes as this quiet whisper, not as an emergency siren. Number seven, peace is practice. You cannot say, oh, I just don't want to be crazy. I just want to be liked by everyone and you just step aside your emotions because one day you're going to have a mental break. Peace isn't something a man gives you either, or a relationship or a salary.

It's something you build on self-trust. on confidence in yourself and on always having your back. And number eight, you need to stop outsourcing your self-worth. A lot of the things that men say you're crazy about is because you're outsourcing it and he sees it, but he doesn't know how to call it. How do I look in this? If he doesn't respond, right, you lose it.

Why are you always sitting down on the sofa and I've got to do all the work, then pull back on the work? you policing people around you and telling them how to be is not the way you gain respect in the world it's by controlling your own self number nine emotional maturity is attractive you can outhart any crazy girl by being emotionally mature and a bit of a sexy diva okay their life gets easier when you're emotionally mature you'll become that unattainable girl you become that detached goddess. It's a vibe. Your goal, number 10, isn't crazy amounts of happiness because that cannot be sustained. It's stability and a through line of joy, sadness, grief,

anger. You need to expect emotions to be with you on the journey and not trying to raise them. Okay. I love you, my crazy girlie. See you next time.