BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 18: 5 Signs That He Doesn't Actually LOVE You

Episode Date: July 24, 2023

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Welcome to Being Her, the ultimate guide to living your best life as her. Join me, Margarita, on an empowering journey to discover your feminine energy, build meaningful relationships and find your purpose. Let's dive in and explore all things womanhood together. Hello, beautiful, beautiful human being. Thank you so much for joining me again on this Tuesday, or it might be Monday night, depending where you are. Me being in Australia, I'm ahead in time.

I am living in the future coming to you if you live in any other part of the world. And I wanted to say thank you for the amazing feedback on our last conversation last week. And I am so glad that it touched all of you in the way that it was meant to in the self-esteem area. And I am so happy that it resonated. If you haven't listened to it, listen to it after this one. On this episode, we are going to be talking about how to know a man loves you when you are with him. It's a confusing point for women because it's an important and pivotal part of the relationship that we are seeking. Often men's behavior confuses women.

We're not sure what it means. We're not sure what to do with it. And why does it matter? Because from the masculine point of view, it doesn't always matter that a woman loves you or not, as long as she respects you. And that will be a whole other episode about the masculine hormone palette and what it means to them and why they'd rather be respected than loved and cherished. but that's a whole other conversation. This conversation is about whether he loves you or not. And if he doesn't,

this is not about the guy you just met, by the way. Of course, he doesn't love you. We're not children. But this is about the guy that you're with and you're having doubts. And you want to know he loves you because men do not express love how we express love. And whenever I say statements like that, they're bold and big.

I want you to remember and always realize that we are all on a spectrum of masculine and feminine. So 90% of women are, feminine, but there's a 10% to 20% that aren't. So if you're in that percentage, you might resonate with the other side, but I'm talking to the majority and not the outside rule. So if we want to feel loved and we don't know if we feel that way and us feeling love will predicate whether we want to be in that relationship and we want to know the signs, whether he loves us, then I'm going to tell you the five ways that you can identify that in your relationship.

The first way that we will know, a man truly loves us. And this is the same. And this is the This one is really going to, you're going to have to shift your mind from the feminine point of view to the masculine. Because when we love a guy, we try and change him. We are that chimpanzee who tries to pick out all the fleas and suss him out and mother him to death because that is the way we love. So when we see a guy trying to change us and trying to make us better, what we translate that as is love. But no, no, no, my friend, that is not how the masculine works. When a man truly loves you, he is not trying to change. you in the way that you appear. And what do I mean by that? He might try and change your behavior.

So let's say you act in a horrible way to his friends. You call them all assholes and you storm out. He might say, look, I don't really vibe with that. I don't want that in my life. And that is not him trying to change you. That is him calling you out on your shit. However, if you're with a man and I've seen this happen to women I've had clients in the past and to personal friends of mine, and even slightly to myself, but I'm very prone to noticing this and steering away from it. I really don't like it. It makes me completely out of my feminine. It makes me feel very uncomfortable.

But as soon as a man starts to nitpick my persona and try and change it, I'll give you a very good example with a friend of mine. I'm sure she won't mind me using it. I had a friend many years ago, she saw one of my closest friends that was in a relationship with a guy. She has an incredible, I would call it, alternative slash sometimes quote, sometimes better style than any of us put together, but it is alternative, right? She meets this guy, they're in a relationship, it's years together, and I see him and all of us see him in a friendship group, nitpicking what she wears. Why do you wear that? It doesn't make you look good. Why don't you change it? Why don't you change this? You need to wear more sophisticated

clothing. Gradually she starts changing, becoming a shell of herself, and they break up anyway because of other things, but we see as her friendship group and me as somebody who's very, who's very, interested in this. Somebody is trying to change you because you are not his ideal of what he wants. He is not genuinely loving you. What he's doing is trying to nitpick at you, leaving you to be a shell of a person in the end. That is the danger of that. The danger is not that he told her to not wear the type of leggings that she used to wear. The issue is that if he irks away at the fiber of who you are, you are then going to become a shell of yourself. and you're not going to become the vibrant feminine that you used to be because let me tell you this

my friend could have attracted a guy who would have been crazy about her style because it's so she is literally the coolest dresser in the world people were jealous of how she dresses she is so cool so unique so wonderful there'd be men lining up across the road down the street to date her and by the way she's like a 10 out of 10 okay looks wise but no she meets this guy and she dates him who's telling her her clothing choices are wrong. And she starts to become a shell of herself because us as women, we want to please the guy we're with. But the reality is you're not going to please him. You're not going to please him with that behavior that you're doing. If anything, he'll see you bending to his whim and he will see that there is not that feminine energy that he's going to be attracted to.

Because what feminine energy is, is the idea of beingness. So she was in her divine feminine of being this creative, incredible woman, but he etched away at that. And whose fault is it? necessarily his fault or her fault, but I want you to notice that when a man is trying to change the fiber of who you are, lose weight, put on weight, I like big butts, I like small noses, there's just, what are you with me for? What are you with me for? My right toe on my foot? Your role as the masculine is to see me and worship the feminine as it is in its beingness. The role of the masculine is to do the doing and the role of the feminine is to be the being. So if you're trying to change the being, it's all off balance already.

Sometimes men do this due to insecurity. Sometimes they do this because you're not their dream girl. But sometimes they do this because they genuinely don't love you and they start picking on you. If this is the case in your life, then he doesn't love you. The next thing that a guy will do if he doesn't love you. If you've ever wanted to make a podcast, if you've got something to say, which I think all of you do, Spotify has a platform for you. you that you can do it really easily on all in one place. It's free and you can even earn money. Spotify for podcasters lets you record and edit podcasts right from your phone or computer,

which is what I do. So no matter what your setup is, it's not complicated to start creating today. Then you can distribute it everywhere that podcasts are listened to. Then you can even monetize it. You can do a Q&A section. You can do polls and all these amazing things. Basically, really, really easy for me to do. For me, the obstacle was the tech aspect. And I know a lot of you wanted to hear from me. So Spotify made it possible for me to create this podcast. So I'm really grateful. Download the Spotify for podcasters app or go to www.spotify.com forward slash podcasters to get started. You to watch out for this is we're often predicated on being very wary of relying on a man for his success and finances. Do you, girl, be your own boss, make your own finances 50-50. I love that. That's all great.

Fantastic. If you know my opinions, you know my opinions on that. But let's rephrase and reframe that. If you're in a relationship or you're with a guy and you have noticed that slowly but surely, my friend, you are losing the hobbies you used to have. You're losing the friendship groups you used to have, whether it be because you just don't make time for them or whether it be because he slowly isolates you from them, the guy does not love you for who you are. What is happening in that relationship is he is making you convenient for his lifestyle. Someone who truly loves you will have appreciated you for the things you have. And the danger in it is, my love, is that you will become dependent on him. The way you are afraid to become dependent on him financially,

you will become dependent on him in your own persona. You will have cut out everything out of your life that makes you thrive, that makes you you you, that makes you excited, that makes you want to do things in life. And a lot of men do this by first flooding you with activities that he wants to do with you, putting down the activities you do do, telling you, oh, but why do you have to go to that dance class, all of these things. And some of the more toxic ones will give you ultimatums. Like, oh, if you think that you've got to go to that ballet class with your friends, then we're not really in a really good relationship. Or they'll give you ultimatums where you can't hang out with the friendship group.

Remember, if he doesn't like your friends, he probably doesn't like you because you are the sum of the five closest people to you. So if you think that this is him loving you by isolating you, by making your shell of who you are, no, my baby, he's just making you convenient and he doesn't really love you. If he loved you, he would see you and appreciate you for the full life that you already have. And because he doesn't, he's just making inconvenient to fit into his life until he finds a woman he can actually admire. So when you see this, I would suggest he does not love you.

Another way you can tell a man doesn't love you is if he doesn't make space to hear out your issues. Now, I want to really be careful with this one and I'm going to tell you a tip for this as well because if you are telling your man issues, like I don't feel comfortable when you treat me like this or I would love it if you tell me what time you're coming home because when I make dinner and it's standing out for about an hour, it's not, not. nice for me. It makes me feel a bit used and you know what I mean. So I want you to understand that it's not that a man is always available to listen to you going off at him and you flying off the handle. You've got to be very aware of your own tendencies. If you haven't been on my YouTube channel

and looked at the stuff I've done around anxious attachment and how that can manifest, I highly advise that you do so because sometimes we can actually actively push people away. So I'm not always going to put this on the man. But if you have taken the precaution, in every possible turn to really respect a person and not fly off the handle and fly at him like a bat out of hell through the door as soon as he comes home telling him what your issues are but he's still not willing to listen and as it were make your feelings right then he does not love you if he's willing to sit with you feeling uncomfortable and unhappy for a long long period of time i don't mean a day i don't mean to but but as your relationship expands and grows then he does not love you now understand understand this. If you are that crazy bad out of hell who's attacking him, nobody wants to listen to that and you probably wouldn't either. So my tip is, if you have a man and you want to tell him something, don't assume that you can just invade in someone's space like we women often do and come at him with your problem and solution and resolution and why he made you feel a certain

way and why he looked at you, you felt bad and da-da-da. What you've got to do is come respectfully to the person that you're with, no matter who they are. And if this is putting you off right now, there is a dissonance in the fact that you have taken in too much of the femme lib movement which I appreciate it's worked really well in the workplace we love that but when I tell you to respect someone and it makes you irked inside and it makes you feel like yuck why should I respect him it means you brought too much into this whole agenda of female lib right what you need to understand is I'm telling you to respect a person any person male person female person animal person it doesn't matter

you need to come to someone with respect. So when you see that person and you've got something on your mind, when you're speaking to a man or someone in their masculine, you've got to come to them and say, hey, I've got something on my mind. It's nothing you've done wrong. But I'd love to talk to you. Let me know when you've got a time or a minute to do that. It doesn't have to sound so official. Use your own language. But basically what you're saying is, I've got a thought, you've done nothing wrong. When have you got time to listen? Because that takes that person off the back foot. And if that person is in the masculine also by saying you've done nothing wrong, takes them away from the issue solver persona. Because what drives us crazy as women is you'll launch into what you want to say, hey, when you

looked at me like that, when we were out with your friends, it made me feel and he's like, well, don't go out with my friends then. Don't go out with my friends then. He's being defensive and he's trying to solve the issue as fast as it started. Now, that's what you don't want. That's not what we want. So use that language to get him when he's in a good mood, to ask him respectfully, time is good for him. Now I don't mean this to say like he's cheated on you and kicked your dog and you're asking him respectfully when you can talk to him. No, no, no. I'm talking about things in a relationship that you want to bring up because I want you to get the best result. That's why I'm telling you how to bring stuff up because I want you to win. I don't want you to lose and I want

you to be heard. So when you're approaching the masculine, the way to get heard is to ask them when that time is available to say it's not their fault because then they'll be more open to hearing and not defensive, and to approach them calmly. If you do that and he is not willing to listen to you and he's willing to sit by and watch you in discomfort or emotional pain, that man does not love you. Sign number four is that he doesn't cherish you. And what I mean by that is a very similar thing that you might understand as respect you,

as in he might use harsh language at you, he might disregard you, he might put the phone down on you, he might roll his eyes at you, all these things. like to change it to the masculine feminine because that's what we like to talk about on this show. And I think as much as men like to be respected, regardless of anything they are, the feminine likes to be cherished. Even, and I would recommend this to the men who listen to this, they might not, but you know, you can use this little clip to share it with your man if you wish. I wouldn't, but if you wish, the main thing that a woman wants to feel is cherished.

She wants to feel that she is no matter how annoying, no matter how ridiculous, no matter how ununderstandable, she is the pride and joy of his life. That is what we want. I don't know any woman who thinks, and isn't her feminine, I mean, in the 90 percentile of feminine women, who thinks, I don't care if he cherishes me or not, whether I live or die. I don't really care about that as long as you respect me, my thoughts, the job I do, and what I bring to the table. Even when women bring everything to the table and he super respects her, they still want to be cherished. No matter how they appear, no matter how down they are, no matter if they're crying, no matter what they're doing, they want to feel cherished. And by cherished, I mean coddled slightly.

I mean loved, but loved is such a big term that I want to narrow it down to cherished. If he doesn't cherish you in your feelings, if he's not careful about not swearing at you, if he's not careful about the put-downs, if he does the eye-rolling, the teeth kissing, all those things. It shows that he doesn't truly love you because he doesn't cherish you. you as a being. Find this is one of the things that really degenerates women's self-esteem because their self-esteem comes from those around them. The esteem is given from the type of people of feminine woman allows into her life. If you allow people who put you down and roll the eyes at you and all this stuff that he might be doing and swearing at you and calling you out of your name,

that means that you have let a person who treats you that way into your life. Now what does that mean for you? That means your self-esteem will drop because you and your body, have noted that you have let that person around you. A male self-esteem is more predicated on what he has achieved and what he can do. It doesn't matter how people treat him and what they say to him because he can still say, no, no, no, I am that guy because I've done all of these things and I can see the merits of those things. If you're a woman and you've done all these things and you can see the merit of those things, but people around you treat you like trash, you're still going to feel like trash.

Why? Because you as the feminine have let these people who treat you like the absolute rubbish in the bin into your life and you're letting yourself, your spirit, your soul know that this is really how you see yourself and that is what gives you that bad self-esteem. So if he doesn't cherish you, doesn't ask you if you're okay, look, a lot of men won't ask you, but in the way that he can, doesn't bring you that cup of tea, doesn't make sure that he's not swearing at you, doesn't uphold you as that feminine woman that you are, then he probably doesn't love you. Last but not least he doesn't truly love you in the true way that a masculine man can if he's all talk all gab

and no action men love with what they do not necessarily what they say so sometimes women get very confused about the fact that oh he doesn't love me because he doesn't say it as annoying as that is a man will say he loves you sometimes and doesn't feel he's got to update you again unless he doesn't as in it's been said and he doesn't need to be updated now i don't agree with this it would be great if they told you often. But if you're with a hyper masculine man, sometimes they don't switch their lobes in order to communicate with their feelings enough to even be able to understand why that's important to be said. However, the one sure way to know if he is there for you and loves you is if the actions match what he has said or if the actions just are there. So he might not even

have said them, but they are there. Does he want to provide for you? And I don't mean, does he want to by you of Bentley. I mean in the capacity that he is able to, even if he is staying at home with the kids, let's just take the example from the furthest possible angle, right? He would do the things that he promised he would do. They're fed, they're dressed, they are up to it. He has actioned the love in the way that he can. Now, if he's an average man and he's just working an average job, I don't mean that he's going to shower you with roses the size of trees. I mean that his love has actions behind them, that he's fixed that thing in the garage, that he's provided you with the house, that his actions show that he is living for you and your family, that his actions show that

he is there for you. If his actions don't show that, it's simply not true. He's talking about how he's going to take you to the Bahamas and one day going to propose to you, but he's always out with his friends, doesn't want to move forward in the relationship, but he's just talking or furthermore, not even talking about it, then he doesn't love you. He's not about it. and he is not that way inclined towards you. Now, he might be that way inclined towards another woman. And that's the tragic thing. Men will change and flip and flop,

depending on how they feel about a certain woman. But if the actions don't match any doingness, any performative provision for you, and I don't mean again giving you expensive shit, I just mean doing actions in order to facilitate the betterment of your life, then he does not love you. It is very intrinsic to the beingness of the masculine to provide and give something to the feminine in order for her to see his love and appreciation.

So if he's not doing that, it's not a fluke. It's not because he forgot. He's not not texting you back. Like I said on my TikTok and Instagram the other day, men used to find a way to write letters on paper and send them on pigeonback from war, World War II or Vietnam, or any way possible, when they didn't even know if they had a letter service. So please don't tell me that he's not able to send you a text message. look, a lot of masculine men

won't even understand the importance of a text message but he will be there for you. He will make sure that you are safe and you are well. If he is not doing those things and he's just a random F boy and you're thinking that maybe he really loves you, he doesn't. This is by far the biggest sign if his actions don't match

anything that he has said it means he does not feel that way. He's not forgotten, he's not confused, he's not lost, he's not locked in a basement, he just doesn't feel that way. So those my love are the five signs of a man that loves you, with the last one being the most important. I really hope that these kind of talks help you eliminate any doubt that you have because I want you to have a really progressive and successful life. I want you to not have these doubts. I want you to know all the things you're worthy of so that

your life opens up to all the other amazing things you can create. I talk a lot about men and the male female dynamic on this podcast, but the reality is, there is so much more to life and so many more dynamics and pinnacles of life that you need to explore and not just the man aspect. Because once you are clear with what you are worth and who that person in your life is, then you are not wasting time and life opens up in all these magnetic and magical ways. So thank you for listening. Thank you for leaving ratings on this podcast.

Thank you for the five-star reviews. You lot are the real ones who do this. that. Thank you so much. It means the world. And I will see you on the next one. I've got something very exciting coming up on this podcast and different formats, different concepts and different ideas that I'm sure you guys will love. Let me know my Instagram what you want to talk about and I will see you and hear you and talk to you on the next one. Love you lots. Bye.