BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 181: 5 Brutal Truths About Why He Lost Interest (And What To Do About It)

Episode Date: September 6, 2026

Get your copy of Unbothered, now available in the USJoin the waitlist for Unbothered Woman Watch DetachCheck out HingeYou are not going to like this one. And if it makes you angry, that is probably a sign you need to hear it.In this episode Margarita breaks down five things women do completely unintentionally, usually with the best intentions, that quietly push men away. Not the obvious stuff every relationship coach has already told you. The things nobody is saying.In this episode:1. Narrating every internal state the second you feel it2. Mothering him and collapsing the polarity without realising it3. Making yourself too agreeable, too easy, too cool girl4. Manufacturing jealousy instead of actually building a full life5. Needing his validation vs valuing his opinionWhether you are in the talking stage, a long term relationship that has lost its spark, or a marriage that feels more like flatmates,one of these five is going to hit home.This is not about blame. It is about understanding why the dynamic shifts without either of you realising, until he pulls back and you have absolutely no idea what happened.Being Her is your no filter space for woman empowerment, relationship advice, confidence, feminine energy, and living life completely on your own terms.Love you lots like jelly tots xxSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi gorgeous and welcome back to another episode. I'm going to be honest. You're not going to like today's video. It's going to make you angry. And I say that with love. It's all love here on being her podcast. But if it does, it is probably a sign that this is exactly why you need to be here today because I am going to talk about five things that women do that completely unintentionally. And usually they have the best intentions, but they quietly push men away. I know we're trying to dissenter them, but let's just talk about men for a while. Not the obvious thing. not the things every relationship coach on the internet has told you a hundred times already the ones nobody is saying and honestly they're not nice to hear that's why people don't say them but I'm going to tell you today and before anyone comes at me in the comments yes I've done most of these things and yes I'm on your side

which is exactly why I'm telling you the truth because you have the power to change I'm not going to tell men because they're not going to change I want you to have a good life and I'm going to strategize with you This is not about blaming you and it is not about saying all men are perfect. They are definitely not. I would know. I'm married to one. It's okay. It is about polarity, masculine and feminine energy and how certain things you do completely naturally with love, even quietly collapse the dynamic without either of you realizing it until he pulls back and you have absolutely no idea and you're in my DMs asking me what happened. Whether you are in the talking stage, wondering why things suddenly went sideways in a long-term relationship that has lost its spark or something or in a marriage that feels more like your roommates. One of these five is going to hit home. I want you to comment which one it is probably more than one too for being completely honest.

And that is okay because this is a no judgment zone. Yeah. To recognize what has been quietly pushing him away, understand why you've been doing it and find your way back to being the woman he cannot stop thinking about, smiling about, telling his friends about, texting to, and all of those things, yeah, without sacrificing yourself, your standards or your sanity or faking a personality. I know you're very scared to fake a personality. Also, a quick note, everything we're covering today, I break it all down and walk you through it personally inside my three-day unbothered detachment intensive. The link is down below whenever you are ready. Check it out. I love that masterclass. Now let's get into this podcast. So the first one, and I need you to,

really hear me on this because it is not what you think. This is not about playing games, yeah. It is not about being fake mysterious. I would never make you be fake about anything. So this is a reality, yeah? It's about one specific habit, narrating every internal state the second you feel it. I'm nervous. I really like you. I was hoping that you were text. I was worried. I was losing your interest. In the talking stages, this feels like vulnerability and communication and in a long-term relationship. It feels like checking in, like, what are you up to? Did you go to the shops? But over time, what it actually does is strip away any layer of depth or mystery you have. He already knows everything you think and feel before he's even seen you and before you've even

processed it. And you cannot stay curious about someone you've completely figured out. It's the whole mystery versus comfort dichotomy. And it plays out differently at every stage. But the effect is the same. Early on, you tell him everything you feel almost immediately, and it removes the natural tension that keeps men leaning in and wanting to know more. Further down the line, you have stopped having any internal life that is just yours. He knows your moods before you walk in the room. He can predict exactly what you're going to say. You become like furniture, and the whole thing starts to feel flat, and he cannot even name

why. You ask him, like, what's wrong, and the spark is gone, and both of you don't know why the mystery ran out. I want to be really clear because I know how this gets twisted. Real mystery is not withholding. It's not manipulation. It is simply what happens when a woman has a rich inner world and does not feel compelled to constantly pour it out every second

before she even sees him, especially via text that kills everything. You feel something, you sit with it, you process it, you enjoy it. It's all for you. And then you share it when he asks you or when you're ready, The gap between feeling and the expression is not distance, okay? It is depth. It is depth to keep a man genuinely curious about what you did today or yesterday or whatever. Because masculine energy is oriented towards discovery, hence them discovering the world and conquering

everything. It stays engaged with what it has not yet fully understood, yeah? A woman who reveals everything immediately removes that tenacity for men to lean into something they don't yet know. not because you should be hiding, but because having an inner life, you do not need to narrate the instant it appears or, I don't know, my tummy hurts, I went to Woolies and I bought a pen. Who cares, yeah? Mystery is not a game. It is what happens naturally when a woman has a full inner life and does not feel the need to make it everyone else's business, okay? Save your energy. Practice sitting with your feelings, not withholding them, just sitting with them. Enjoy that, okay? I know some of you are probably feeling personally attacked, and we're only on number one. Okay, stay with me, don't get too triggered.

Don't do trigonometry, whatever it is, because the thing that I want to say about relationships makes the women in long-term relationships really uncomfortable, and this is thing number two. Mothering him is one of the most well-intentioned and most destructive patterns in a relationship, in an established relationship. It looks like reminding him of things he should remember, correcting how he does things, taking over because it's easier than watching him do it wrong. Trust me, you should see my dishwasher when my husband does it. Managing his schedule, like his diet, his vitamins, his friendship, did you reply to your mother, even his responses? And it comes from a place of genuine love and

competence. You are capable. You see what needs doing. I get it. You do it. And slowly, without either of you noticing, you have shifted from being his partner to being his parents, and he has shifted from your man to your responsibility or second child. And it collapses the dynamic every single time. Early on it looks like taking over planning or suggesting things. And I know we do it so well. And you also fill every silence, right? And you manage the whole situation and the relationship. And it's easier. Later, it looks like running the entire household and then wondering why he's gone so passive and he's just sitting there. In a marriage, it looks like two people who love each other, but have completely lost the spark and the charge sexually

because you cannot desire someone, you're also parenting. That's weird, isn't it? Those two energies cannot live in the same room. And here is why it's so hard to stop as well. For a lot of us, taking charge feels like contribution. It feels like you're loving them and it feels like what we used to for love. Like I manage my children's lives,

I'm going to manage my husband's life too. And when you're consistently in your masculine energy, which is managing the relationship, it is one of two things. He either steps further into his feminine and goes passive and avoidant and checks out or he feels suffocated and he pulls back entirely. Neither of those is what you want.

I know that, but both are natural results of polarity collapsing. And I have to be honest, this was me for a really long time in a lot of relationships. You end up reminding him of his mum, honestly, because you are always on him and nagging him about things

and men are always like, get off me while you nagging him. Just let him do the thing. It doesn't matter. Let him load the dishwasher like a raccoon. Who cares? Let him take the longer route when he's driving somewhere. Let him make a plan even if it's not exactly the plan that you would have made. Shocking, I know.

Let him be his own person. Because the exact thing you take over, the thing you can genuinely do better are the things that were keeping him engaged and invested in the relationship. When you remove every opportunity for him to show up, you cannot then sit there, wondering why he's stopped showing up and engaging. Let him do things his way, even when his way is not your way, because you don't always know best. Giving him the space to lead, to provide, to figure it out is not weakness. It is one of the most powerful things you can do for the polarity in your relationship. You do not have to lower your standards. You just have to stop doing his job for him,

and he will step up. I know, I know. You are just trying to help, but Jessica, you have to let him help himself, okay? Things will be fine. He's 35 years old. He's not going to die. Okay? Thing number three. This is interesting. Making yourself too agreeable. Easy, uncomplicated, cool girl, low maintenance. So many of us do this consciously or not because somewhere we learned it makes us easier to love. Not strong opinions, but just easygoing. You never push back. You never create any friction. And from the outside, it's like, you're a dream girl. Oh my God, she's just so easy. She goes along with everything until it does not. Because a man or a person really cannot respect someone, he cannot push against. He cannot feel the polarity of his own energy without a real feminine woman to meet it. And a woman

with no edges and no opinions and no willingness to disagree, that's not an interesting person to be with. You know, when you have a friend who's disagreeable all the time? Yeah. She's like an echo and early on you agree with everything he says you laugh everything he does you have no preferences of your own at first it feels really flattering then very quickly it feels suspicious and then it feels boring he cannot work out who you really are because you keep becoming whoever he wants you to be or who you perceive him to want you to be you have stopped having opinions about anything at all and their relationship has become so comfortable that it has lost all its charge in electricity and he feels vaguely disconnected from the woman he used to know and he can't tell why and you ask him

what's wrong and he doesn't know because genuine disagreement done well is one of the most attractive things that can happen in a dynamic you know banter it signals you have a mind of your own that you know that what you think and that you're not performing for his approval a woman who can say i actually disagree with you respectfully and here's why not like a fight you're not going to be unhinged, you're just going to be your own person. Masculine energy is drawn to something it has to earn. Again, I told you, a woman with strong opinions who is not easily moved is someone who is worth convincing and wanting to convince her is the part that keeps him engaged. And in practice, this is small. It is having like a genuine food preference and saying so as opposed to be like,

I don't mind, disagreeing with his take and saying so without apologizing for it or, choosing the restaurant sometimes, telling him when something does not work for you instead of going along with it and then sulking when you're there. These are not dramatic moments. There's not like fights. These are tiny daily expressions of a woman who knows who she is and I think it's really, really effective. I was like the queen of I don't mind. I'm always I don't mind because I learned when I was little growing up that it was just easier to be agreeable than not. But I had to really unlearn it and I'm still unlearning it even at work in all fields in my life. So stop making yourself agreeable and start being genuine in all areas. Have opinions, share them, disagree. No one's going to kill you

for not being the same as everyone else. The woman who knows what she thinks is not afraid to say it is definitely more interesting than someone who is just a shadow of everyone else. Okay, you are real and real is attractive. Trust me. But before we get onto the next one, Quick note, if you want to stop just recognizing these patterns and actually become a woman that doesn't fall into them anymore, my three-day unbothered intensive is all about detachment and it is exactly where the magic happens when you can detach from other people's opinions and outcomes genuinely check it out. The reason I'm talking about it again is because I think at the end of this year it's going to be gone. So enjoy it. The link is in the description. Okay, two more.

This episode is brought to you by Hinge. Okay, so something I noticed constantly because it comes up in my DMs, in my community and on the podcast, is that women who actually find what they're looking for in dating are not the ones who are trying the hardest. I know, Sod's law. The other ones who are showing up for themselves, who have full lives going on, who are genuinely present on a date rather than auditioning for a guy, who go into it with some lightness and some curiosity and no desperation, which stinks. I've told you that. And what I love about Hinge is that it's built for exactly that person.

It is not designed to keep you scrolling forever. It's literally designed to be deleted. The whole point is to get you off the app and on an actual real-life date with an actual real-life person where real-life things can happen. It is for people who are dating with intention, and I think there is something really powerful about that framing. You're not just collecting matches, you're actually showing up for yourself and for the person. and if you are in your dating era right now and you want to try it,

I really, really do highly recommend Hinge. It is worth checking out so you can download Hinge in the link below. Okay, so a lot of skincare makes these huge promises and then quietly under-delivers. One skin is genuinely different, which is why I've been loving using their products, and here's the part that got me, because I'm a why does this work type of person?

I want to know, I'm a Virgo. They never even set out to become, a skincare company actually. It was founded by four PhD longevity scientists and they were focused on one single thing, skin aging, not quick fixes, not whatever's trending. So they tested the best selling anti-aging products on market and found the same thing over and over again. Most of them are only working on the surface. So after years of research, over 900 peptides, they researched a lot. They developed the OSO1. Their proprietary peptide approved. to address a leading driver of visible skin aging and it's in every single product they make.

And this isn't just me talking. It's backed by four peer review reviewed clinical studies, over 10,000 five-star reviews. And they've been recognized by Bloomberg and Fast Company. Born from over 10 years of longevity research, one skin helps you unlock your healthiest skin now as you age. For a limited time, try one skin with 15% off using code. being her at oneskin.co slash being her. That's 15% off oneskin.com with code being her. After you purchase, they'll ask you about whether you heard from them somewhere. Please support our show and tell them that we sent you. I think, yeah, two more. Fair warning, these ones might bother you a little bit more. Making him jealous, for example, is one of the oldest tricks in the

book and one of the least effective things you can do as a strategy, casually mentioning other men who are interested or being like, I'm so popular here or there or everything like that, doesn't work. Posting strategically the moment things feel uncertain, suddenly being very busy and very social the second he pulls back and posting about it, going out of your way to seem desired by others, oh my God, you're so popular. The intention is to activate his competitive nature, right? And you've realized that it will create some urgency. And occasionally, in very specific situation, it produces a short spike of attention. Of course, he's human.

He's like, what is she doing? What is she up to? But underneath that spike, it almost always produces a very clear signal about where you actually are. These men are far more perceptive than women give them credit for, yeah? He's not stupid.

He can feel the difference between a person who's genuinely has options and a woman who's performing having options and suddenly posting bikinis the moment he did not reply. One feels like natural abundance and the other feels like insecurity wearing a costume.

And the second is, it reads as a strategy instead of reality and it does the exact opposite of what you wanted. Instead of feeling competitive, he feels cautious and a bit weirded out by you. Instead of leaning in and chasing you, he's like, oh, what is going on? Because a woman who's manufacturing jealousy,

she doesn't hold her own and it shows up at every stage. Early on, it's the Instagram posting, the moment he goes quiet and the mention of the guy who, like, I don't know, looked at you when you went to the laundry mouth or something, sudden social flurry of like things you're now doing when he ignored you. It's just all, it's fake and weird. In a marriage, it's flirting at a

party in a way that's like clearly in front of him in every single case. There's underlying message. I'm not sure you value me, so I'm going to pretend to manufacture this reality of me creating jealousy and disguise it because the thing you're always trying to create through jealousy is only ever comes to one place. Genuinely invested in your own world is the only way to create the feeling you're trying to create. Genuinely being unbothered by his level of attention because you've got other things going on or like when he is not speaking to you, you don't start posting.

You just do your own thing. In fact, disappearing is probably way more powerful than posting all the time because then you're unattainable. You cannot manufacture desire through that kind of strategy. You can only generate it by being someone genuine. worth desiring. Stop trying to make him feel like he might lose you and start actually building a life so full that losing you would be a real loss. That is not a tactic. That is a truth. Okay. Stop trying to make him jealous. It's not working. He can see through it. We can all see

through it. Why are you posting 500 times the moment he's ignoring you? And this is really one that you need to sit with because it's, it's hard to understand, but it is true. Okay. So there was this one thing in my home. I'd been meaning to sort out for the longest time and you know how you've got that one thing. You walk past it every day and you go, I'll deal with you later, you annoying thing. And then you never deal with it. Wayfair actually solved it for me. And that's the whole thing with Wayfair. It helps you create a home that stands up to real life, not a showroom, real life. Quality, great value and reviews you can actually trust. Their Wayfair verified products are hand vetted by specialists using 10. quality inspections, which I love because I don't want to gamble on something arriving and

looking like nothing like the photo. And you can shop thousands of products across every style and every budget, whether you're doing a little autumn refresh or you're one of those people who goes in on the Halloween thing. Okay, I love that. I see you. You use the filters, the customer photos, the reviews. You actually find the right things for your space. There's more than 20 million verified five-star reviews to help you buy with confidence. Plus Wayfair award. members get 5% back on every purchase. So transform your space with pieces that hold up in real life if you've got kids and stuff or pets. Join Wayfair rewards today and get 5% back on every purchase. Head to Wayfair.com or shop the Wayfair app for all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com.

So I've talked about skims before. I know you've heard me, but I need to talk about the cotton specifically, okay, because this is what is actually on my rotation every day right now. When you see me in a t-shirt, when you ask me where it's from, it's from skims because I got busy and I just don't have time to switch up the outfits and these just work, okay? I don't know about you, but the second that you wash a t-shirt, it just loses shape, right? It just loses that crispiness that it had from the beginning. And so I don't like that. But skims don't do that. That's That's why I keep reaching for the same ones. The Cotton Jersey Scoop neck cammy.

Oh my God. I basically live in these camis all year round. And the problem with camis is that they go baggy. They lose their shape. Three wears and it's done. It's a sad situation. This one doesn't. It's got just the right amount of stretch.

It hugs you without strangling you and it holds perfectly. Anyway, shop skims cotton and all my favorite pieces at skims.com. And after you place your order, do me a solid. Be sure to let them know I sent you. Select podcast in the survey and select my show in the drop down menu so that they know that we sent you. Number five, this one's my favorite, okay? Constantly needing his validation. There is a genuine and real important difference than valuing his opinion and needing his damn validation and most women have never had anything. Anyone explain it to them clearly. I'm going to explain it to you, okay? I'm going to do the job.

valuing his opinion looks like asking for his perspective on something that matters, genuinely listening to what he says, weighing in on it, and letting his input inform your decision if you so desire, yeah? That is healthy, that's a friendship, that's a partnership, that's a person who respects themselves, and just want someone to weigh in with useful, significant information. Needing his validation is something completely different. It looks like asking him repeatedly if you look good in your stupid dress, sorry, yeah?

Seeking reassurance about the relationship on a loop, asking if you're too much or not enough or needing him to confirm your choices, your appearance, your worth over and over again. And what that quietly communicates is that without his approval, you do not feel okay. And here's how that lands in a man's brain. A man genuinely wants to make the woman he cares about feel good. He wants to tell you that you are beautiful. He wants you to know that he values you.

That impulse is real, okay? But when those affirmations become maintenance and obligation, when he has to provide them constantly just to keep your emotional state stable, the whole thing shifts from him wanting to give you a compliment to him feeling like he has to. And obligation kills everything. He starts to feel less like your partner

and more like an emotional support animal and that's not a really masculine role that he's going to enjoy, yeah? And it shows up everywhere. Early on it's asking if he likes you after a date or why he didn't reply enough or if you're going to hang out again or what he thinks about how you look. Later, it's do you still like find me attractive?

You know, like, would you still love me if I was a worm, that kind of stuff? And it's real. In a marriage, it's quite emotional labor of him, always asking how you feel and what are you looking at or what are you thinking about. And over the time, that weight creates distance. Neither of you can quite explain. And I really have to stop myself.

Like, as soon as I think what my husband's thinking, it's not my problem, let him think what he wants to think. And where does that really come from, though? External validation is always a signal that the internal source has run dry. You're looking to let him tell you that you are enough because you have not yet built a genuine relationship with your own worth that does not depend on someone else's confirmation. And no amount of reassurance from him or someone else will actually fix that.

It has to be rebuilt from inside. And when you do that, when your sense of self no longer lives in the opinion of others, everything changes. You stop needing people's validation, you start enjoying and appreciating their actual input and those two things create completely different dynamics. That was 100% me. It's still often 100% me. And back in the day, I used to go, oh, do you think I was like, look good in this? Or do you think I said that weird? I used to live for compliments and spiral. And I'd look for people saying the wrong thing to ask them about it again. Okay? Bad idea. his appreciation of you or people's compliments on you should be a bonus not what you need to survive

as a baseline build a relationship with yourself that does not require someone's confirmation to feel okay not because their opinion doesn't matter but because when you genuinely know your own worth his affirmation becomes something you receive with gratitude instead of something you desperately are waiting for that shift changes the relationship completely and this exact work again as i told you is in my master class, I'm bothered. The Art of Letting Go to Find Yourself. And my book is also available in the US from the 1st of September,

which is so, so exciting. I think by the time you're watching this, it should be available. So go get it. And if you want to listen to me, read it, then get it on audible. Before you go, I need you to know that none of these things

make you a bad person. I am not judging you. None of them make you undesirable, too much or not enough. Be too much. Be not enough. Who cares? They make you human.

They make you someone who is doing the very best they can and just trying to keep up. But I need you to understand that the very real work is not about performing differently. It is about understanding yourself deeply enough that the patterns start to shift on their own. Anyway, guys, thank you for watching. Love you lots like jelly tots and I'll see you on the next one. Bye.