BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 182: Master Secure Attachment So Fast It Feels Like Cheating

Episode Date: September 13, 2026

View The Feminine Energy Collection HereJoin The Unbothered Woman HereIf you have been trying to step into your feminine energy but everything you have followed so far has felt like a performance, doing all the right things, not texting first, being soft, letting him lead, and still feeling the same anxiety underneath because nothing you were taught actually changed how you feel on the inside, this episode is for you.In this episode I break down why the mainstream version of feminine energy is keeping you stuck in a cycle of performing for an outcome instead of actually embodying who you are, the real definition of feminine energy that no one is talking about, and the specific practices that shift you from managing every outcome to being so anchored in yourself that you never lose her again.→ FREE: The Unbothered Reset: 30 Days to Become Her.Every day for 30 days, you’ll receive a short email. Start the 30-Day Reset→ Unbothered: The art of letting go → The New Rules BookBeing Her is your no filter space for woman empowerment, relationship advice, confidence, feminine energy, and living life completely on your own terms. Love you lots like jelly tots xxSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you're listening to this episode, I know you're here for at least one of three reasons. You either want to feel secure without needing someone else to make you feel it. You want to move through your relationships, your career, your whole life without that constant, low-level hum that something is about to go wrong. You want peace, okay? That's either you. not the performed to kind that you have been told that stepping into your feminine energy is the answer or things like that. Except most of what you have been taught about how to get there is led you right back to the same place. It has you performing a version of yourself that does not even feel like you, following rules that collapse the second there is any type of pressure in your life and leaving you feeling broken at the end of the day when nothing has actually changed no matter how hard you have tried to shift.

it. And this is coming from someone who has coached a lot of women through exactly this and watched most of that advice leave them feeling worse about themselves and not better. Because what you actually want, what I know you want, is to feel like yourself again at the core of it, without the performance, without the rules, without lying awake, wondering if you are ever going to stop feeling like you are one wrong move away from everything around you, collapsing, or how people see you or if he's going to lose interest and all those things. So today I'm going to show you what feminine energy actually is at its core and why most of what you have heard about it is probably making you more anxious and not less and how embodying it properly, which is by

the way something anyone can do, changes every single area of your life, not just your relationships, your career, your confidence, your friendships and the way you experience being a woman in this world. Now, is this going to make you completely immune to ever feeling anxious or uncertain again? No, maybe not. But what I am going to give you today is something far more valuable than that, because by the end of this episode, you will know exactly how to find your way back to yourself, no matter what life puts in front of you. So let's get into it. Okay, so what feminine energy is not. So let's start with what it is not, because I think this has to be said clearly before we can get anywhere with this episode. The internet has turned feminine energy into an aesthetic like soft colors, slow mornings, letting him plan the dates and pay for them, never initiating staff, being agreeable and warm and endlessly available, like, oh my God. And none of those things are wrong on their own. They're fine. They're just behaviors. But feminine energy is not a behavior, ladies, and some gentlemen who are watching this, a woman can do every single one of those things and still be

operating from deep anxiety and deep need and a deep fear of the unknown. She can be performing softness on the outside while internally white-knuckling every single outcome and this is not feminine energy, my darling. This is a costume. Yes. And I have to speak to my intelligent self-aware, high-functioning women here because the submission version of this has really confused you, hasn't it? You hear feminine energy and something in you resists because it sounds like you're being asked to make yourself smaller, to hand over your power, to stop having opinions, preferences, and standards, or even a job. So you either reject it completely or you just perform it and feel like a total fraud, because neither of those is what it actually is. Real feminine energy does not

ask you to shrink. It asks you to expand into who you truly are, into the present moment, into a way of being that has nothing to do with what you do and everything to do with who you are. Feminine energy is nature after all, right? And the most damaging version of all of this is when feminine energy gets taught as a strategy to attract a man or something. Because the second it is a strategy for an outcome, it becomes what? Masculine energy. It is outcome driven. It is strategic. It is controlled. So here is the irony. Trying to be feminine in order to get, get something is one of the least feminine things a woman can do. Real feminine energy is not trying to get anything. It simply exists. And what it attracts is a side effect of that state and never the

actual goal. And this is why so many of you tried this before and feel hollow. You followed the rules. You stopped texting first. You got more agreeable. You still feel the exact same anxiety underneath because the internal state never changed. That was not your failing. right that was the framework failing you it was never built to change who you are it was only ever built to change what you do and this is why it never lasted or worked i know this intimately by the way because the rush you once felt from anxiety of chasing him over time it just becomes depletion and you go from a soft happy radiant person to tense and critical and resentful and little and angry sat there in the corner already waiting to attack him because you hate who you have become

while chasing him. That's not feminine energy, is it? That's exhaustion, right? So we know what it is not. That's good. That needed to be said clearly before we could get to the real body of this podcast because the real thing is so much bigger and so much more life-changing than anything the internet has been selling you and selling you being the operative word. And I genuinely cannot wait to walk you through it and tell you what it looks like. What feminine energy actually is, is real feminine energy is a state of being, not a state of doing or a state of behaviors, right? It is what happens when you are so deeply anchored in yourself, so genuinely at peace with who you are, that you don't need to control how things unfold. It is being fully present in the moment,

and I'm still working on this, the moment that you're actually in, without your mind constant, reaching into the future to manage outcomes and control them. That presence, that genuine aliveness in the now is at the core of it and everything else, the reciprocity, the magnetism follows out of that naturally and it's not ever meant to be performed. It is a natural consequence of it. And here is what that does to your relationship, by the way, in case that's what you came here for. Masculine energy is about direction and outcome, right? It moves towards a goal, it solves, it builds, it pursues, feminine energy is about being, not doing, it receives, it flows, it's present, and the most powerful expression of feminine energy is a woman who is at home in herself. And the

unknown simply does not threaten her, not because she does not care how things turn out, but because she trusts at the deepest level that she will be okay, whatever happens. And trust is not naivety. It is the most grounded, sophisticated relationship with uncertainty a human being can have and it goes back to the art of detachment. And in your actual life, it looks like this. In your relationships, being fully present with someone without needing to manage where it's going in your career, moving towards what you want without that desperate grip of needing it to work out in one specific way, it's your friendships giving freely without keeping score because your sense of self does not depend on whether they do it back. In all of it, it's a woman who's

genuinely in her life and enjoying it instead of watching it from the outside as the viewer. And let me make the most important distinction because I do not want you to miss it. Feminine energy is not about never feeling anxious. It is not about questioning yourself or feeling uncertain or never having a hard day. It is about having something inside you that is bigger than all of those things, a knowing, a return, the capacity to feel all of it and still become yourself. and that capacity is not something you have to manufacture. It is something you have to remember because you came with it.

You were born with it. You had it once before all of these things, before the patterns, before everything you were taught about love and worth and what you had to do to keep them. There was a version of you who did not do this yet, who wasn't afraid, and she's not gone. She's still there. It's naturally you. And if that woman is exactly who you've been reaching for and waiting for,

maybe for a really long time. That is the real reason my three-day intensive called Detach. It's an unbothered intensive. It exists three days to actually reprogram this thinking pattern. Not more rules, not more performing. It's the real work that you need to master the art of detachment and come back to who you truly are. And you'll find that in the links in bio. So now you know what it actually is and what it is not. And I have already know what half of you are thinking. You're thinking, cool, Margarita, that sounds really nice, and I've been anxious my whole life. And so how exactly am I supposed to just become this way now that you've told me that I was this way one time and blah, blah, blah, I hear you. And that's exactly what we are going to be talking about now.

How to actually get there. The first practice is learning to stay in the present moment instead of projecting into the future. Because most of your anxiety does not live in what is actually happening. it lives in what might happen, the conversations you're rehearsing that have not taken place yet, the outcomes you're trying to manage that has not arrived, the disaster you are catastrophizing about that may never come. It's all future focused. You're not in the present. So the practice is to catch yourself in the moment you have left the present moment and come back with one simple question. What is actually happening right now? Not what might happen. What is happening? I have to do this all the time

when I'm with my children and I'm thinking about work and commitments I've missed or flights I don't make like one this week, I just have to come back in the present moment because that is your life. If you miss this moment now, that is the problem. Yeah, the future only ever exists in your head. You're not missing anything. The second practice is releasing the outcome without releasing the desire. And that is the most misunderstood idea in the whole space with detachment. Releasing the outcome does not mean you stop caring about the thing you wanted. It means, means you hold what you want with an open hand instead of closing it first, right? Desire is feminine, grasping it is not. You can want what you want, but you don't grip onto it, like I'm

gripping onto this microphone at me old hands. You can now want the relationship to grow, you can want your career to expand, you can want the friendship to be amazing at the very same time. You can genuinely know that you don't have to hold it tight. That okayness is not indifference. It is the deepest trust you can have with yourself and that you can handle whatever comes your way, right? I'm going to talk about sleep for a minute because it's my favorite thing to do. I'm someone who genuinely needs it, like I need to wind down. My brain, though doesn't agree. It starts thinking of content, the kids, ideas, my next book, everything on the planet,

except for actually switching off. And getting into bed used to feel like just a thing that was on my list, okay? And I noticed that so much of it came down to the environment, what I was getting into at the end of the day, because here is a thing, baby girl. You can do all the right things, the magnesium, the no screens, the whole routine, still get into bed and just feel wired, okay? Cozy Earth changed that for me.

They make sheets from viscose from bamboo, and the difference in how they feel is honestly, hard to describe until you experience it. I got them one year ago. I just got another set now. Temperature regulation, incredibly soft, and they hold up 10 year warranty because they are built to actually last. They offer a hundred night sleep trial because they know once you feel them, you are

not sending them back. This is genuinely one of those things that once you try, you probably won't go back. And the colors, girl, they are chef's kiss. They've got those beautiful, dusky colors, especially for my new home. I'll be moving in too soon. Head to cozy earth.com and use my code being her for up to 20% off. That's code being her for up to 20% off. And if you get a post purchase survey, be sure to mention that you heard about cozy earth from me.

So I've talked about skims before. I know you've heard me, but I need to talk about the cotton specifically, okay? Because this is what is actually on my rotation every day right now. When you see me in a T-shirt, when you ask me, where it's from, it's from skims because I got busy and I just don't have time to switch up the outfits and these just work, okay? I don't know about you, but the second that you wash a t-shirt, it just loses shape, right? It just loses that crispiness that it had from the beginning. And so I don't like that. But skims don't do that. That's why I keep reaching for the same ones.

The cotton jersey scoop neck cammy, oh my God, I basically live in these camis all year round. And the problem with camis is that they go baggy. They lose their shape. Three wears and it's done. It's a sad situation. This one doesn't. It's got just the right amount of stretch. It hugs you without strangling you and it holds perfectly. Anyway, shop skims cotton and all my favorite pieces at skims.com and after you place your order, do me a solid. Be sure to let them know I sent you. Select podcast in the survey and select my show. in the drop-down menu so that they know that we sent you. Not to grip onto things and still want them.

The third practice is always asking yourself who you are when nothing external is telling you. Who are you when you're not getting the text back? Who are you when your career is uncertain? And who are you when your life is uncomfortable and things aren't going to plan? Who am I when I don't need external validation? The woman who knows those answers deeply and genuinely is a woman who's arrived in her feminine energy and lives in it. And then the daily anchor. Every morning before the day begins, you ask one question and your answer it honestly.

Who am I choosing to be today? Not what am I going to do or who am I going to react to or what am I going to be. It's from managing your day and gripping onto it like a roller coaster to just flowing with it. just embodying your life, not performing it. Done consistently, it starts to rewire your default from anxious and controlling to present and trusting. It's not a quick fix. It is a real one and it compounds in a way nothing external ever could.

So let me paint you the picture of the person genuinely living it because I want you to feel it, okay? Say you wake up. So she wakes up and the first thought she has is not about him or what she had said last night or what might go wrong today. She's just there. Present in her body. The day feels like something to move through, not something to survive. And when something is uncertain or uncomfortable and it shows up, she does not immediately try to control it or fix it. She feels it. She acknowledges it and she comes back to herself every single time. It can exist without her trying to change it. And that return gets

faster and easier, the more she practices it until one day she realizes it has become automatic. That is not the absence of feeling, it is the presence of the moment of yourself and knowing that you will be okay and you will be. And it changes your relationships completely. She can now be with someone without needing to manage him and their emotional state. She can receive his efforts without trying to earn the same effort again and interrogate what's happening and what's real and what's not. She can sit in early uncertainty of something new without needing to know where is this going. she can be fully present and genuinely warm towards a person without secretly needing that response back and that quality, that genuine presence with no agenda is the single most magnetic thing a person can do

that wants to embody feminine energy. And here is the part I want to land clearly. This transformation is not temporary. Once you have genuinely built this relationship with yourself, once the anchor is real and not performed, it does not vanish when life gets hard. It becomes a thing you return to, not the thing you lose. You will still have moments of doubt, but you will always know how to come back if you need to. And that knowing is what you carry for the rest of your life. That is the transformation, not the absence of feeling hard, the genuine return to yourself, and not the performance of feminine energy with flowers and running around.

And if everything I've described sounds like the version of you that you've been reaching for and searching for, that I'm going to do something very special for you and I'm going to put in the description box below my feminine energy vault that is not published anywhere in my websites. It is not anywhere and it is feminine energy meets detachment and what it means in relationships and you will find that in the description box. Hopefully my team will let me do that.

Okay, so there was this one thing in my home. I'd been meaning to sort out for the longest time and you know how you've got that one thing, you walk past it every day and you go, I'll deal with you later, you annoying thing, and then you never deal with it. Wayfair actually solved it for me and that's the whole thing with Wayfair. It helps you create a home that stands up to real life, not a showroom, real life, quality, great value and reviews you can actually trust.

Their Wayfair verified products are hand vetted by specialists using 10 point quality inspections, which I love because I don't want to gamble on something arriving and looking like nothing like the photo and you can shop thousands of products across every style and every budget whether you're doing a little autumn refresh or you're one of those people who goes in on the Halloween thing okay i love that i see you you use the filters the customer photos the reviews you actually find the right things for your space there's more than 20 million verified five-star reviews to help you buy with confidence plus wayfair award members get 5% back on every purchase so transform your space with pieces that hold up in real life if you've got kids and stuff or pets join wayfair rewards

today and get 5% back on every purchase head to wayfair.com or shop the wayfair app for all things home that's w a y f a ir dot com wayfair every style every home the self-trust the identity work that makes this real instead of performed it is completely soft-paced and you can do it in there and i'll leave it below. So I guess we need to get onto how to know when you're genuinely living this. And here's the thing. The signs are not dramatic. There is no single morning when you wake up and you're like a Disney princess with the words chirping and all this stuff. The shift happens in accumulation. You notice you go through hard conversations without catastrophizing. You notice you received a compliment without deflecting it. You traverse through difficult situations without making it a big

deal you notice you made a decision from genuine desire instead of fear or wrong outcomes which i'm still learning by god and you might notice you went from a whole day without checking his location or something or rehearsing a conversation and it just becomes small and insignificant these small things are the shift and the more you notice them the more it reinforces the woman you're becoming this like joy to be in your life and all of the relationships are going to change not just the romantic ones your friendships feel more fun and reciprocal because you're no longer giving from fear that you are not going to be liked. Your professional relationships feel more grounded because you're no longer managing impressions from insecurity and that's a big one for me. And your relationship with yourself starts to feel

like home instead of a battleground where you're trying to constantly wrestle yourself like an alligator or something. Fully with that apology, you can be yourself and you can be settled and if you're a woman in this lifetime, feminine energy is a really nice place to be. And then there is the real test. Something unexpected happens, big, like a relationship shift, a plan falls through an outcome you really wanted, doesn't arrive, and instead of old familiar spirals, you feel something a little bit different. Not the absence of feeling, like a steadiness of that feeling, a part of you that grounds

while the rest of you processes it. That is the stability and the anchor that you have. That is what you're building for. And the first time you feel it holding you while the storm part, you're doing it. passes, you will understand in a way no amount of therapy ever could give you what it actually means to be in your feminine energy as a woman in this time-space reality. And before you go, I do need you to understand this. I'm not here to promise you that embodying your feminine energy means you'll never feel anxious again and you're going to live this magical unicorn life.

I'm not going to tell you that once you have this, you will never question yourself or your worth again, your human mind that would be dishonest. But I'm telling you that once I discovered feminine energy and the art of being instead of the art of doing, it really made me feel grounded in this world into being who I am. Yeah, that no matter what happens, I know I've got my own back and I want you to have that feeling too.

Oh, one more thing before we go, it's September. I think this is going to be published in September, so I must be in America right now. Maybe, maybe not. And the book is definitely in America. So you can buy it in bookstores around you or you can listen to it inaudible if you enjoy my little voice.

Anyway, love you lots like jelly tots and I'll see you in the next one. Bye, gorgeous.