BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 185: You Already Know What You Need to Do.

Episode Date: October 4, 2026

Join me in The Final Round of Unbothered WomanReceive emails from meYou already know what you need to do. You are just scared of what it is going to cost you.Margarita is back from her book t...our in America, freshly moved into a half renovated house with two small children, and she has things to say.In this episode she shares the 10 mindset shifts that came up for her on the trip, the permissions she had to stop waiting for, and why the life you want is already inside you and has been the whole time.In this episode:1. You are probably not confused you are just scared of the consequences2. Stop collecting advice you already have the answer3. Distance tells you things proximity cannot4. Your next life requires disappointing someone from your current one5. Stop waiting to feel ready confidence only comes after evidence6. When you transform the old identity will fight back hard7. Stop making permanent decisions based on temporary emotions8. Your life changes when you stop negotiating with what you know9. There is no future version of you coming to save you10. Give yourself until the end of the year to prove you can do hard thingsIf you know what you need to do but cannot bring yourself to do it, if you keep asking everyone else what you should do with your life, or if you are waiting to feel ready before you start, this one is for you.This is your sign. Lock in.Being Her is your no filter space for woman empowerment, relationship advice, confidence, feminine energy, and living life completely on your own terms.Love you lots like jelly tots xxSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 My gosh, welcome back to the Being Her podcast. You have been wanting something juicy, something tantalizing, something along the lines of you already know what you need to do. You just need to know these 10 things to do it. These are mind shifts that I've kind of collected over the month that I've been away and working in America. those of you who are part of my email list, I will leave it in the description box below. I update you a lot there. I talk a lot there. I write a lot on there about things that I'm thinking, feeling and everything in between.
Starting point is 00:00:46 And right now you might notice, oh my God, Marguerite is not in her car. She is not in a studio. Where is she? This is my bedhead that we're leaning on, ladies and gentlemen. And this is a window. I've got people working in the house right now. We've just moved in. It's halfway renovation site, halfway my home that I have been waiting for two and a half years for it to be finished.
Starting point is 00:01:09 It is not finished, but sometimes the world works in mysterious ways whereby we've had to move in early. The reasons are not interesting, they are very benign, but basically where we were. We couldn't stay there anymore. And now we are here. And everything has happened serendipitously and quickly within the last month. this big trip that I've been planning for many, many years. Ever since I wrote my first book, and I had a newborn daughter and a three-year-old son, and they asked me to go to promoter in America, and I just could not bring myself to do it.
Starting point is 00:01:42 That is a big conversation about being a mom and making your dreams come true and working. And while I was in America, I was posting photos of me and my daughter there, and it was such a moment of true joy and a little bit of struggle because two-year-olds are notoriously. wild and who knew that in a lot of American restaurants they don't welcome children under six so that was fun and I don't mean diners I mean like nice restaurants that you'd want to go to especially when we were in Vegas in LA we stopped by Vegas but yeah it was just a such a moment of pride for me that I made it happen it was something that I really you know didn't even think I would do I thought I would wait until my kids are older and sick of me and then I could go and travel and
Starting point is 00:02:26 promote all the books. But I really thought, you know, let me try it. Let me try it with kids. Let me try it. Let me try it. And this whole conversation came up on the trip for me in my own mind, because that's who I speak to, myself in my own mind, is the instinct and the feminine knowledge of things that you already know, you just need to stop waiting and stop asking for permission and stop asking for stuff because we are born with this innate knowing. And I've been fighting myself about my innate knowing for so long and asking questions and asking people and asking chat gpte and asking all these things and the more i ask the more i travel away from myself and the more genuine i am the more i'm in my car talking to you the more i'm not prescriptive about who i am for example
Starting point is 00:03:17 uh common knowledge is when you start a podcast you have to have little rhythms and little moments of saying things and you have to be like, hi everybody, welcome back to my podcast. Today on Sherlock Holmes podcast, we're going to be talking about ABCDFG. It just doesn't feel natural to me. The way I built my career is doing things naturally and in a rhythm and listening to feminine energy and wisdom, which is the opposite of intelligence or it's in the same spectrum, but intelligence is masculine energy, wisdom is feminine energy, and it is just something that I need to talk to you about. And so what feels natural for me right now is to hide away by this window downstairs where all the stuff is going on and just to talk to my people and tell you the 10 things that came up because I love a list.
Starting point is 00:04:03 I'm still a Virgo, mind you. And I love a list and it's the 10 things that came up for me, the permissions that I had to stop giving myself or even start giving myself, just the permission to be exactly who I am. I just show up exactly the way I am and stop listening to conventional image of do this in this rhythm, send your audience these many emails, record in a podcast studio, do interviews, do this, do that, do the other one, don't wear this, wear that, you know, all of these questions that are really, take up your mind, take up your space. So today we're going to discuss that and just have a catch-up, just have a catch-up on what we are doing, okay? And as for how you know you like it, I've got them all written down on my trusty, dusty phone. It's actually not
Starting point is 00:04:51 a dusty phone. It's a very clean, nice phone, but, you know, that rhymed. I think the 10 points of wisdom are as follows, and I'm so glad to be back. Sometimes you have to take a step away in order to re-engage with exactly what it is. And for me, it's my podcast and it's my email list and it's down in the description box. And before I forget to mention it later, I am running unbothered women because the women in America were gushing about it. They were so excited about it. I had a few meet and greets and book signings. And they were so excited about it. it genuinely and I decided to bring it back for the last time in 2026 before we move on to another project. I've got three projects in the works because I'm a psycho. Point number one, you're probably
Starting point is 00:05:35 not confused. You're just afraid of the consequences. And sometimes consequences can be serious, right? Consequences can be a good thing to be afraid of, but every life decision has a consequence. even let's say you're in a relationship with someone who doesn't treat you very well, but it's the better the devil you know than you don't, right? And I'm not saying that's the truth or a universal truth. That's just the truth that is something that you've got to contend with. And sometimes I like to think about it as you are in a boat and you feel like you are stirring towards an island, right?
Starting point is 00:06:09 You are like, you've got your oars and you're paddling towards an island. And you're like, why is this boat not moving? Why is this profession not working for me? why is this career not working for me? And you don't realize that you've actually got an anchor dropped at the same time. You've got an anchor dropped in the water because something about that situation of you being in that boat is actually useful to you. Even in the worst, most dire circumstances, like not, and I don't mean, you know, I'm not
Starting point is 00:06:35 going to go into like a victim and perpetrator and all these things. Obviously, if you're in that situation, you need to seek help for sure. But I mean more so in the sense, like, for example, you really want. to become an online creator or you want to be successful or you want to start a career and be a stay-at-home mom, but it's not working. There's a part of you that might have a wisdom that you don't know whereby you have dropped the anchor stopping yourself from achieving because, for example, you like me, don't want to have to make the decisions of leaving your children with nannies, traveling around the world to make it work. I might have to go back to America in order to do
Starting point is 00:07:12 a few more bits and leave my kids here. And to some people, that might not be a friction. They might just be wanting to be successful at any cost. Not that the cost is big, but they don't see a cost. And you probably are not confused as to what you want in your relationship, in your job, in your anything. And in order to achieve what you want, you need to be sure. But you say you're confused. You say you don't know what you want. I do that a lot with like staff members I have that work in my company or I'm never
Starting point is 00:07:40 confused about like decorating or what furniture I want. It's not a point of friction for me. I don't see the consequences that I could be afraid of because to me, if something doesn't work out, I will just change it when it comes to the aesthetics of my home or things like that. The consequences, even, for example, of losing weight or starting to work out and looking how you want, is maybe you will be more present in your life and you will want to, for example, go out and show yourself more, but in the relationship you are in now, maybe it's safer to feel like you just want to cuddle away and you just want to hide away with that partner.
Starting point is 00:08:14 you now have. I don't know. There is always a consequence, right? So when you say, I don't know what to do. Often you do, you just don't like what it's going to cost you. Is it going to cost you, you being away from your kids? Is it going to cost you you being single? And if you are single, what does that mean to you? It doesn't just mean you're single. It means you're going to have some kind of lifestyle that you now have to adjust to. Maybe you don't like being by yourself. Maybe you don't want to not be in the house that you're in. There are so many things. You know, for example, that you need to read the messages for what they are. For example, if a man is ignoring you and not texting you, a lot of you and my DMs know exactly what's going on.
Starting point is 00:08:55 You are not stupid. You just don't want the consequences of losing that relationship. Because if you say this is not for me anymore, Jacob, then you're going to have to be with yourself and not with him. And maybe there's a part of you, the part of being the victim in it that you enjoy. And I'm not saying that you enjoy it because you rejoice. and you're like doing backflips and cartwheels, but maybe it brings you closer to your friends. Maybe it stops you from focusing on things that you actually can change, like watering your own garden is a thing that's come up a lot for me, like really focusing on yourself.
Starting point is 00:09:28 And the thing I've been building and the things I've been writing about, and yes, I'm writing again, somebody stuck me, is about, you know, making those choices to put yourself at the center of your I like to use the word self-obsessed. I like to use the word selfish because I like words that are bombastic, fantastic, and make you lean in, right? And so if you put yourself at the center and you water your own garden as opposed to focusing on other people, because where a lack of purpose lives, obsession thrives, right? If you have a lack of purpose and a lack of focus on your own garden, which is your life, garden is your life, then you're going to start to obsess about things that you cannot control.
Starting point is 00:10:15 If people like you, friendship groups, men, replying, texting, things you cannot control, create obsession because you really cannot control them. But the reason you have room for that obsession is because you're not watering your own garden, my friend, okay? You know exactly what you need to do. Confusion, right, is something that is there because you refuse to face the consequences. Sometimes you can face the consequences and remove the confusion. So yeah, I don't want to be single right now.
Starting point is 00:10:46 Yeah, I don't want to be a working mom. Yeah, I don't want those things. But facing it frees you up. Number two, stop collecting advice. You already have the answer. The answer is inside you. Nobody lives as you. Nobody has your life.
Starting point is 00:11:01 Nobody has the consequences that you have. Nobody knows the intricate feeling of being you and going to bed at night and living with you. you know exactly what you need to do. Stop collecting their advice, right? You can ask one friend. You can ask another friend. And the danger with asking friends is that you will get the life that they have. Before you ask anyone's advice, like some kind of survey, constant survey,
Starting point is 00:11:29 you need to ask yourself, do you want that person's life? Because depending on the advice that you ask is the life you're going to get. The average person is overweight, has not much money in their savings, and does not know what they're doing. I'm not saying that to dis people because, you know, that's been me many times in my life, but I'm saying that the average advice leads to an average life. That's why you need to start surrounding yourself with people who you want to be like. But outside of that, then you're going to ask your therapist, then you're going to ask TikTok, then you're going to ask a podcast, then you're going to ask ChatGPT, which is an algorithm.
Starting point is 00:12:04 There's no one on the other side of ChatGPT telling you what to do. You're going to ask your mother who probably wants to preserve your sanity and then your sister who might just want to hang out with you so maybe she'll give you some advice about being single when in reality that's not her burden to carry and at some point you're not gathering information anymore you are trying to form the answer to give yourself confidence right?
Starting point is 00:12:27 It's like you're trying to shop for an answer from all these people you're trying to get someone to say the thing to convince you you're trying to have comfort in your own decisions But the paradox of that, my friend, is that the less you practice the muscle of decision and decisiveness, the more atrophies. And the more atrophies, the more you rely on other people and the more you rely on other people, the less you have confidence. Because confidence is bred from understanding that you've got your own back. And if you've got your own back, you've got the confidence to make a decision and then pick up the pieces if it's wrong. Okay, it's wrong. Okay, it's wrong.
Starting point is 00:13:05 You make the wrong decision. you've got to have your own back though and every situation in which you don't know what to do is a golden opportunity to test the muscle of decisiveness to test whether you're going to have your own back and just to make a decision. I have definitely struggled with this and I have my whole life like I really love to delegate decision making
Starting point is 00:13:26 and I hate to delegate tasks so I burden myself with a lot of tasks I like to do things myself I don't like to ask for help but when it comes to decisions and what I need to do in my life and who I need to hire and where I need to go. I am constantly asking other people because I lack the confidence in picking up the pieces in that department.
Starting point is 00:13:47 Okay, if something goes wrong, I can deal with it. That's what you need to say to yourself. And you need to look into where it is hard for you to make decisions. As I said, for me, for example, when we're decorating our home, I don't give a tiny rat's ass. You know, I'll just make a decision because who cares? but when it comes to hiring, for example, or things for my children to join, I ask 100 people because I don't want to make a decision and I don't want to carry the burden and that is the truth and I'm being vulnerable with you so that you can be vulnerable with yourselves when you're
Starting point is 00:14:16 listening to this. I don't want to carry the burden of the mistake. I can carry the burden of a mistake of a bedhead that I didn't like. I like this bedhead by the way, it's gorgeous. But I can carry those burdens. I can carry burdens that some people would find daunting, like career decisions, saying no to something, yes to something, whatever it is. I'm like, yeah, I can pick up the pieces for that. But for me, maybe it's things to do with my children is a huge one. I don't want to make that decision and carry that burden, but at the end of the day, we are mothers, even if we're not mothers. And if you look at the animal kingdom, we're some of the most powerful mama jammers that you can ever, ever see. So I'm going to practice.
Starting point is 00:14:58 my decision-making muscles in what my family needs to do and you're going to practice your decision muscles in whatever it is that you need to do because you already know stop hiding behind other people. This episode is brought to you by Hinge. Okay, so something I noticed constantly because it comes up in my DMs, in my community and on the podcast, is that women who actually find what they're looking for in dating are not the ones who are trying the hardest. I know, sod's law. The other ones who are showing up for themselves, who have full lives going on, are genuinely present on a date rather than auditioning for a guy who go into it with some lightness and some curiosity and no desperation, which stinks. I've told you that. And what I love about Hinge
Starting point is 00:15:41 is that it's built for exactly that person. It is not designed to keep you scrolling forever. It's literally designed to be deleted. The whole point is to get you off the app and on an actual real life date with an actual real life person where real life things can happen. It is for people who are dating with intention and I think there is something really powerful about that framing. You're not just collecting matches, you're actually showing up for yourself and for the person. And if you are in your dating era right now and you want to try it, I really, really do highly recommend Hinge. It is worth checking out so you can download Hinge in the link below. It is about to get busy in my house. I am moving into my new house. It is about to be Christmas
Starting point is 00:16:23 very, very soon. The tree's going to go up. People are going to come over. My mom is coming from England. and the kids are going to be running around. The cookies are going to be in hand. And the hot chocolate and the red wine is going to be spilling. Yes, ma'am, the cranberry sauce, the muddy boots, maybe some sand from the beach. A dog might run through. And here's the thing about most rugs. They were never built for any of that, yeah?
Starting point is 00:16:43 So you either baby your rug or you live your life all season and you just let your rug handle it. And you don't hover over it like a lunatic with a baby. It is not a baby. It is a rug. and this is why I want to introduce you to tumble. These are designed in-house so you can get the proper designer quality look, but they're actually built for real life, baby girl. They're spill-proof, there's a special surface, so liquid just beads up on top of it
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Starting point is 00:18:05 Number three, distance tells you things proximity can't. Distance. My sweet summer child tells you things that proximity can't, no matter how it tries. When you go away from something, for example, on a very low-scale basis, I pre-recorded podcasts. I went to America and I did a book tour. I talked and I knew I needed to bring Unbothered Women back because it changed a lot of people's perspective and mind.
Starting point is 00:18:35 When my partner and I were, my business partner and I were together, we were like, should we bring it back? Should we not bring it back? We ran it for the last time mid-20206 and we were like, yep, let's move on to other things. And then when I spoke to people about how much it changed their lives, I just knew. I got invited to an amazing opportunity at the end of October and being away, I just knew. I also realized what a beautiful country I live in. That distance from Australia made me realize how bloody fortunate I am to raise my children here. Something that had I just been philosophizing about it at home, I would have never been able to do. Questions like, why am I doing that. Why did I tolerate that? Why did that seem so important at the time? You need enough distance
Starting point is 00:19:23 to hear the reality of a situation. When you're up against the glass of the reality and you're looking at it straight in the eyeballs, sometimes you can't see the wool from the sheep, if that is even an expression. And the same goes for relationships and decisions you need to step away before you crash out. Number four. Your next life usually requires disappointing someone from your current one. You want to manifest into a person you want to be. You want to change. You want to look different.
Starting point is 00:19:59 You want a different career. Someone. Some mother trucker in your life right now is going to be disappointed. Someone is riding the coattails of you being convenient in this life. Yeah. This is what Unbothered Woman, the whole WhatsApp group and course, and cohort is about. If you are going to bloom like a butterfly or like a flower,
Starting point is 00:20:25 someone's going to miss the caterpillar. Someone was benefiting of the caterpillar. People like the version of you that they understand. They're available you, the predictable you, the hardworking you, the placemat you, the hard worker you, you know, when you're in a relationship and you're very convenient and he can't make up his mind and he's like, we'll see how it goes and you're like, sure, even though you know you want kids or you know you want someone who's going to offer you marriage and you're just also convenient and nice.
Starting point is 00:21:04 And he's just like, well, this is great. I can keep her hot like a hot seat, hot bloody potato and see if there's anything else out there. Yeah. So if you want to turn into somebody who takes it. yourself seriously and takes your life on this planet that you only got one chance at seriously you're going to have to disappoint a raoul and you're going to have to tell him listen buddy you're great but you're not great enough for me to put my life on hold so if you hurry up and get ready then we can be together and if you don't then oh my god have the best life i wish you the best
Starting point is 00:21:39 no hard feelings growth looks like selfishness to somebody benefiting on your lack boundaries on your lack of putting yourself first, on your lack of authenticity towards yourself, on your lack of lion-like courage and compassion for the fact that you only have one shot at this, Eminem. Okay, confession time, because for the longest time in my life, my nighttime uniform was whatever was closest to my bed. My husband's old t-shirt, a pair of shorts with a hole in them, you know the look. And I told myself, it didn't matter because nobody sees it.
Starting point is 00:22:16 it right but I see it and I matter and I've learned that how you feel when you get in bed changes how you sleep and changes how you feel about yourself to be honest so when skims sent me their soft lounge sleep set girl I'll be honest at first I was like okay who cares about a sleep set but it is so soft it's almost silly it's lightweight it's stretchy it moves with you it genuinely I did not expect pajamas to change my life that much and because Christmas is hot in Sydney, I'm not doing flannels. I'm not doing all of that. The soft lounge is breathable enough for a summer night and still cute enough for when my children wake up and I'm just not a slub, okay? And when it's 5 am at Christmas, we don't have time for that. We need to be present. We need to be
Starting point is 00:23:01 cute. We need to be sexy. And for the days I'm running between school drop-offs and a meeting, the cotton fleece is my go-to, plush, cozy and not heavy at all. Skims really know how to do the thing. This year, I'm starting a new tradition, matching sets. Skims does women's, men's, kids, and yes, even pets and the whole household can be in matching little sets. It's time for me to step into my like traditional era. Shop my favorite loungewear and pajamas at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know that we sent you by selecting podcast in the survey. And be sure to select our show in the drop down menu.
Starting point is 00:23:36 You know those pieces in your wardrobe that you reach for time and time again. And you know me, I like to wear the same thing a lot when I really like it. that sweater that somehow goes with everything or that pair of jeans that you know are going to fit right because let me tell you jeans you have to fight with is not what I'm about. Those pieces that like earn a spot in your rotation, that is exactly what Quince does so well. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials out of genuinely premium materials. Okay. Mongolian Kashmir is chef's kiss, organic cotton, proper stretch denim and the design
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Starting point is 00:25:32 That's the best way to support the show. Number five, stop waiting to feel ready. I was definitely not ready to go to the States with, and I know this is like not a big deal for a lot of people, but to me it is to work at the same time as looking after small kids and halfway across the world. Some things I do, like writing books at the same time as watching kids, same time as running a podcast, never missing on people. Like, how do you do it?
Starting point is 00:25:59 I'm like, I just show up and I work, right? But to me, I really had to say, if not me, then who, if not now, then when and coach myself into being like, I'm just going to go and I'm going to do it. I like to just work in a kind of microcosm and an environment that I'm used to. As soon as I am out of it, then I need to, you know, rejig things. But it was fabulous. Like I got to know my children in ways that I didn't know. They got to know each other.
Starting point is 00:26:28 They got to know their dad, who, by the way, I'm married to and they live with, but still they got to know their dad because the proximity is just different when you are, you know, with someone every day. And in the same way, you know, you can't wait until you feel, confident. You can't wait to have a child when you're ready. I know that's a controversial opinion, but you really can't. Confidence only arrives after evidence, my friends. And now I'm like, let's go to Singapore with the kids. Let's go here with the kids. Let's go there with the kids. Because now I have confidence. And I've also seen what they're capable of and what I'm capable of.
Starting point is 00:27:06 And, you know, I'm going back to promote the book more. So the confidence to do that only arrives when the evidence is present. So stop waiting to look like the version of yourself. I really believe in pretending that you're the main character, that you're this badass supermodel, skinny, curvy, sexy, whatever it is you want to look like. Cape Moss, I don't know, dual leper. I don't know who the hell you want to look like.
Starting point is 00:27:40 You've got to imagine that you're that person already. You've got to give yourself that permission. already. Okay. Number six, when you do make a transformation into main character and you become a selfish badass and you're self-obsessed and you're watering your own garden. Everything is going right for you. The old identity will fight for its life. It will come out kicking and screaming. If you spent 20 years being the good girl, the convenient girl, the fixer, the anxious one, the one who always reaches out, the one who always plans everything for your friends, the easy one, the person who never asks for help, then behaving different initially
Starting point is 00:28:21 feels like you're almost like giving up on yourself. It feels super wrong and not necessarily because it is wrong, but because it is unfamiliar. I saw, it just come to me, I was writing in this cafe the other day and I saw this girl and I would never usually take a photo of a person and you can't see her in this and nor can you see her partner. But if you're watching this on YouTube, I'm going to show you something. She was just the epitome of unbothered. She was just so unbothered that I couldn't believe it. And then the next moment I look, she had fallen asleep on her date. I'm not joking. Check this out. Check this out if you could see it. There she is. Asleep with him. Look, I'm not, I'm sure it wasn't a date. It was not a date probably. Like they were in a relationship and it was
Starting point is 00:29:09 like a casual cafe. The girl fell asleep and she was a baddie. She was a baddie. Like she was one of the hottest looking women like face wise and outfit wise that I've seen. And she was just sitting there and I thought, wow, look at, look how she's so beautiful. She's so hot. She's amazing. And the next minute she's asleep and he's like there on his phone like chilling for half an hour while she sleeps. Oh my God. May that level of unbotheredness find me. And you know what I loved about it? The fact that she fell asleep is she had makeup to the nines. It wasn't like she's some tired person, tired mom or anything, like she was relatively young. But can you imagine how regulated your nervous system has to be to just be like, yeah, I'm a bit tired, I'm just going to take a nap while you
Starting point is 00:29:49 just watch me sleep. I was such an anxious person and compared to her, I'm a chihuahua, you know, of anxiety still. But may that level of emotional regulation and safety in the world find me, would you mean you fell asleep? What if you're attacked from the left, from the right, from me I'm always alert I wear a whoop which is like a WH OOP which is like a tracker my nervous system never rests which is why I uh my HRV is like 20 you know it's supposed to be close to 100 and I got the whoop when I was pregnant and I thought maybe it's because I'm pregnant you know no no I'm like a rabbit on a hill I'm ready to run or fight I'm like a tiger rabbit I'm gonna run or fight or something right And the point that I'm trying to say is that's been my identity for a long time.
Starting point is 00:30:39 I'm going to report back to you the day I fall asleep out in public somewhere with somebody with me is the day that I will know I have accumulated into my top form, my final form, like a Pokemon, right? Because what do you mean that you're not worried what the person opposite you is feeling and thinking that you're asleep? What do you mean how little fucks you've got to give? I cannot. It was iconic. It was absolutely beautiful. For me, that level of transformation is making my own decisions, doing what's best for me. I always feel like I've got to excuse myself and explain myself.
Starting point is 00:31:13 Never complain. Never explain. Everything I teach you, I've learned the hard way through mistakes, mistakes, mistakes, mistakes, okay? And at my big age of 39, I just have my birthday. Stop it. Relax. It's enough.
Starting point is 00:31:28 Fall asleep on the day. He'll survive. Or he'll wake you up or whatever. Seven, stop making permanent decisions. based on temporary emotions. A lot of times I say the beautiful, sovereign kind of unbothered woman feels her emotions and doesn't react straight away
Starting point is 00:31:45 and everyone cries in the comments. They're like, oh my God, but that's not feminine energy. I've just got to shit my emotions out over everyone like diarrhea. No. No, you don't. No, you don't. You can feel lonely without contacting someone. You can feel guilty without changing your boundaries.
Starting point is 00:32:03 Just sit with emotions a little bit longer. You can feel frightened about stuff and still launch a project. You can be wrong. You can apologize. You can take steps in life. Like, it's okay. The stakes are high, but they're not as high as you imagine. Nobody's actually watching you.
Starting point is 00:32:20 Everyone is very selfish, very self-obsessed, very into their own life. Make moves. Do things. Be proud of yourself when you're a little granny. Okay? In your rocking chair. God help it. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:32:34 Feelings deserve to be felt. but they don't always deserve to be voiced. And mind you, who are you voicing them to? Does that person deserve to hold your feelings? Have you just met a guy and you're telling him about a relationship that you weren't so happy in? How did he deserve that information? He's going to use it against you. I know you believe that the world is such a good and wonderful and fluffy place, but it's not.
Starting point is 00:32:56 It's going to change his perception of you. I'm telling you right now, listen to me. Number eight, your life starts changing when you stop negotiating with what you want. and what you know. Stop negotiating yourself out of things. You need to stop. Once you know that friendship drains me. I'm talking to myself with this one.
Starting point is 00:33:15 I'm talking to myself. Lord help me. Once you know, that person let me down. Once you know, I want more out of this. Once you know, I'm doing too much. I need to slow down. The bags under my eyes are not Chanel and it's not working for me.
Starting point is 00:33:30 The question becomes, what am I going to do with that information now? Okay. And that is how self-trust is built. If you know that something is not working for you, and yet you persevere with it, because you should, because it's right, because you're a bad person.
Starting point is 00:33:48 If you don't, because it's hard to do the right thing, then you're literally taking that inner child that you were and saying, you're not safe with me. That I as an adult perceive that the situation in which you're in, like a friendship that drains you or a relationship that isn't enough or a person who doesn't
Starting point is 00:34:09 give you enough or someone who's let you down and you're still around them, you are saying, yeah, I see you in a child, I see your emotions, but go back and sit there where you're used to sitting the whole time when you were a kid and your mom or dad said, yeah, your emotions don't matter. They still don't matter because now as an adult, I'm not going to back you either. I'm going to suppress you. I'm going to put you down. And then you wonder why you can't fall asleep on a date like that beautiful lady that we're talking about because you're not safe with you. I'm talking to myself, guys.
Starting point is 00:34:42 I'm talking to myself. I know several things like that in my life and a big one recently ended where I was like not for me, not recently many months ago. And it's freedom, guys. It's freedom to back yourself. Your inner child goes, oh my God, I can play. I can show up in this world genuinely and freely. and as myself. It's magical.
Starting point is 00:35:07 Number nine. There is no future version of you or anyone else who's coming to save you. It is your current you that's got to save yourself. You have to imagine what is the future you going to look like and do and be? What is the future Sophie like? What is the future Mary like? Yeah. Is she more disciplined?
Starting point is 00:35:30 Is she more confident? Is she less scared? is she better organized? Is she finally ready to do the thing? If she's those things, that is built now. You have to actually now, in this moment, become that. There is no becoming it later. There's no like you eventually become this thing. It's now.
Starting point is 00:35:50 You don't become that person and make those decisions. You make the decisions to become that person. So if you're afraid, do the thing. If you're not ready, do the thing that you think the future. you will do and you will become the future you. Don't wait to become the future you in order to do the thing. And number 10, give yourself until the end of the year to prove to yourself that you can do the hard things, that you can become a bad Memojammer, that you can do all these things. You can have the baby, start a business, do whatever you want. Oh my God, it's so exciting.
Starting point is 00:36:26 You can dump the guy. You can get a new one. Kim Kardashian proves it. God, so many options, guys. we've got options, you know. It's September 29th. I'm recording this. We are roughly October, November, December. That's three months. This is the time to lock in, ladies and gems. You cannot say I'll deal with it next year.
Starting point is 00:36:49 I'm going to change myself in January. This is lock-in season. What do I have to change between now and December 31st to enter 2027 as this new character? Let's name her. Is it a relationship? Is it a boundary? Is it a habit?
Starting point is 00:37:08 That's what we work on. And I'm unbothered women. So if you want me there and if you want a cohort of people with you, I'll leave the link. I think it would be interesting to see exactly who you're going to become and to lock in and to do the thing. Should I do this? I don't know. I'm going to put a link. Listen.
Starting point is 00:37:30 Yeah. No, my team's going to kill me anyway. They can always edit this out. But if they don't, it's on them. I'm going to put a link in this description box with a discount for Unboldened Woman. It's usually 2-2. I'm going to make it 1-88. Do with that what you will.
Starting point is 00:37:43 Maybe that's a sign you need to let go of your good girl persona and become the badass you're meant to be. I'll see you on the next one. Love you lots like Jenny Toads. Bye.

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