BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 2: 10 Steps To Living The Soft Life

Episode Date: April 3, 2023

10 Steps To Living The Soft Life. Check out www.margaritanazarenko.com for my 20 FEMININE ENERGY PRINCIPLES masterclass and more from me. 20 feminine energy principles : https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesales Amazon book list : https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenko Become Magnetic (Free Ebook): https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/ BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/being-her-with-margarita-nazarenko/id1679077626 https://open.spotify.com/show/7D9nPxiPw7gRcXuUwaVDIH How to become securely attached: https://youtu.be/TDGj1nAt_N8 How to detach: https://youtu.be/9rsLwtsBu6o Business Inquiries: https://www.mgmt.com.au/creator/margarita-nazarenko Email me: [e-mail] Talk To Me: https://snipfeed.co/margaritanazarenko/shoutouts/U2hvdXRvdXQ6NjM2NWM2MzkzYTIyZDMzYTE5MTJiMWZj?canGoBack=true --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beingherwithmargarita/messageSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome to Being Her, the ultimate guide to living your best life as her. Join me, Margarita, on an empowering journey to discover your feminine energy, build meaningful relationships, and find your purpose. Let's dive in and explore all things womanhood together. On this episode, we are talking about the soft life. That's right, everybody, the soft life defined as a life without struggle. This has been going viral. It's been everywhere. What is a soft life? Everyone wants the soft life. It's like the antithesis to hustle culture that we've been so accustomed to and so used to. We want the soft life. Is it embarrassing? Is it appalling? Or is it just that we do not want to glorify the struggle? It is also, let me preface this. Not a life without work.

It is not a life without growth and it is not a life without bettering yourself. It is a life of flow, feminine energy, acceptance and becoming the best version of yourself because it's not always about pushing and demanding and striving. Sometimes it's about that soft life. I'm going to tell you several tips. I think I've got about eight to nine to ten tips of how to live that soft life, my love. So the fact that some of us love to struggle and we want to push using our masculine energy is something we love or is it something we're used to. It's definitely something that makes me feel almost excited.

I'm like a little dog who's got a bone. I'm like, yes, I'm going to push. I'm going to do this thing. I'm going to do everything in order to hustle, hustle, hustle, grind. Gary Vaynerchuk. But there is also a place for feminine energy and the soft life which we need. It replenishes us as women, which means we can hustle half the time and half the time we can live the soft life. Everyone needs to leave us over here to live our soft life.

The concept, of course, is idealistic. It is not available to everyone, but it is very much in line with if you want to be happy, then be it. My mum used to tell me that. I didn't used to understand it for the longest time in my life and suddenly it dawned on me what it actually means. and that is choose happiness over struggle and choose to be in the present moment, enjoying the things you enjoy and doing the things you love, as opposed to always trying to fight. It does not mean a life of luxury. That is not what soft means.

It does not mean the luxurious life. Some people's luxurious life is tough as hell, my friends. It is tough to buy the Lamborghinis. I am joking, of course, but it is. tough to sometimes hustle, grind, and create that type of life for yourself. It is not always given to people and it is sleepless nights. It is loss of relationships and it is loss of friends. So I will tell you the fact that the first lesson about soft life that I ever got was from my mother who was an immigrant from Eastern Europe to London, England, and she is soft life queen. I did not understand

at the time as a child when we got apartments that we used to live in, which were not ideal, let's say the least. Those apartments were in need of help. And she did not have much money at the time. She was often working many jobs to try and make ends meet, but she was always serving tables when we sat down. She was best China. We didn't have China. Let's be realistic. But She always tried to inject an element of beauty into our life and an element of soft femininity. She would scrub these apartments down, make them lovely to live in. The couches or the sofas had holes in them from ten months prior, but she made them beautiful. And growing up, I now realized that it is about creating a beautiful life.

It is about living in the moment that you're in and creating a soft, abundant lifestyle for yourself. Because now let me tell you, my mom definitely lives that soft. abundant lifestyle she crafted it and almost manifested it into reality for herself and you can too it it is a feminine idea it is one that is in line with being instead of doing being you are enough in just being you as opposed to always doing something you are enough as you now let's get into the 10 concepts let's address the first thing and that is do not be around situations you don't want to be in I've got a life example of this, but it's basically, do not mold yourself into a life that makes you feel uncomfortable. We've got a lot of expectations on ourselves.

We've got a lot of house parties. We've got a lot of events. For me, it's events in my career that I might need to go to. But truly speaking, the more I grow up, the more I realize, hey, I don't need to do everything. I need to do the things that light me up. I used to go to events and stand there, not knowing exactly what I'm doing or what it's for. They used to not be selective. I used to go to the opening of an envelope, and many of them were amazing.

The brands who have worked with, who know, they know I love them. But there were times when I didn't feel like it, or it wasn't in my feelings, or it wasn't aligned, or when I arrived, I knew that it wasn't for me, even down to parties, even down to groups. And I'd give that energy. I'd give so much of myself, deplete myself for nothing. There was no return. And it's not that we should do things for return, but we should do things.

of a place of joy and softness and wanting to be there as opposed to a place of having to be there. I've started to be somebody who I can literally arrive somewhere, decide it's not for me, make an excuse that is real, like I want to be with my son, and leave. I do not have to jump through hoops. I do not have to do anything that isn't for me. And you know what's amazing, darling, is that I have amplified my career, my connections with my friends, everything from just being honest and true. to myself and the situations that I am in.

Number two is use your best things right now, your silk, your cutlery, your hot clothes. Do not let it expire and never use it. What does that mean? I grew up with my mom, as I've told you before, who tried to amplify everything beautifully and live that soft life. She was always trying to teach me to not eat out of the takeaway box or the takeaway container and two. amplify things with beauty. She bought me a lot of Hermes plates and a lot of beautiful things that

I never use. But the more I'm learning about the concept of living a soft life, and it can be different from everybody, the more I am making moments out of moments. Things matter. If you've ever wanted to make a podcast, if you've got something to say, which I think all of you do, Spotify has a platform for you that you can do it really easily on. All in one place, it's free, and you can even earn money. Spotify for podcasters lets you record and edit podcasts right from your phone or computer, which is what I do. So no matter what your setup is, it's not complicated to start creating today. Then you can distribute it everywhere that podcasts are listened to. Then you can even monetize it. You can do a Q&A section. You can do polls and all these amazing things.

Basically, it was really, really easy for me to do. For me, the obstacle was the 10.000. tech aspect and I know a lot of you wanted to hear from me. So Spotify made it possible for me to create this podcast. So I'm really grateful. Download the Spotify for podcasters app or go to www. Spotify.com forward slash podcasters to get started. Moments create your life. When you're thinking you're just living until you get to the next goal, that is the time that you are going to remember those years. That time is what you are going to look back on and think, Wow, that was my life. The journey was my life, not the destination. Why is that dress hanging in your wardrobe that you've been meaning to wear for a special occasion? Tell me why. Tell me why you've not

want it. Tell me why. What is the special occasion that you're going to wear it on? What is this special time that's going to occur? What is this concept of the good dress? Wear it now. Be in your hot era now. Wear those things now. Do you understand that they will expire? Yes, they'll come back in terms of vintage is going to come back around and everything's going to be hunky dory. But it will expire. It's going to look old. I bought from Working Hard, my first Hermes Berkin, four years ago, pre-pandemic. And I have not worn it because the thing is so bloody precious.

Oh my God. Do you know what I've changed into idealizing? Not the preciousness of items, but the preciousness of moments. I should have been wearing that bag into oblivion and enjoying it. There is no reason to not enjoy your life and amplify it and glorify it because who knows how long we're going to be here. Sorry to get dark about it, but there is something to be said about that. Wear your best clothes.

Wear your best makeup. Live your best life now. That is part of living the soft life, amplifying its beauty in every way you can. So firstly, do not put yourself in situations that make you are comfortable. do not be there for the opening of every envelope. FOMO is not it. I have a fear of joining in these days. I have FOGO, a fear of joining in

because my time is so precious to me now. I do not want it to be wasted. So those are the first two concepts. Number three is a doozy. Say no to men who make you struggle. Forget about struggle men and struggle love. Forget about trying to explain. to him how to constantly treat you. Soft life is about allowing men and the masculine to give to you.

And even if you are in a same-sex relationship, there is a masculine. And if you're listening to my podcast, I think you want to be in your feminine. I presume, is the right word. Trying to see if he's committed. Trying to see if he's going to take you out. Trying, trying, trying, oh my God, we've been trying for so long. Trying to chase him, trying to beg him to do right. as Esther Perel says, who is incredible, it's a life story, not a love story. We are not trying to Romeo and Juliet and kill ourselves over here. We are trying to have a soft life where he comes in and amplifies our life. We have the cake that is our life and we add to it, the frosting that is him.

He is the topping. Why are we still asking him if the second day is planned? Why are we still asking him if he enjoyed himself? Why are we still trying all of this? It is so much effort and so much trying and even if, and this does happen a lot, where we try so hard, we catch that man, we heard him like a cat into the farm that is our life. And then we rear him on that metaphoric farm and he is trying to escape his whole life. He's doing all kinds of things, cheating, madness, not doing enough for us. We are pulling the cart of this whole relationship wondering what's wrong.

Well, I tell you what's wrong. It's struggle, love. Stop trying to explain to him with long, long paragraphs what he's done wrong. You've said it once he's understood. He doesn't want to know. He doesn't want to know. He doesn't want to know. He understood.

Trying to see if he's committed. The emails I get, is he committed? Is he not committed? I don't know. How can I tell? He's not committed. He's not committed. He is not committed if you cannot tell.

If you have to chase him, when's the next date? Do you really like him and beg him to do the right things? Please don't follow those Instagram models. Please don't look at Pornhub. Please, can you stop? Stop only fans, purchases. What are we struggling for? Do you enjoy it?

Do you enjoy this struggle? Love? I don't know. You are a goddess in your own right and you deserve in the goddess that you are to be worshipped and there is men out there who will. And if anything, this is the kicker. The more you act like you want to struggle for his love,

the more that paradigm will exist of you struggling and struggling and struggling. It's something you create. When you throw up your hands and go, you know what, if it's not for me, let it miss me. That is when the world shifts. And even that man who's been running and doing all kinds of madness will stop, look at you and go, wow, look at her. And before, deploy discipline instead of regret, my mantra.

I would rather have the pain of discipline instead of regret. To live a soft life, you need to do the hard things. You need to break up with the person who doesn't serve you. You need to leave the job that's depleting you. It's harder to live with a man you don't love than to break up. than to break up with him now. It's harder to eat wrong, abuse your body,

put on weight that you don't need, or not eat right and be underweight and always tired and falling asleep than it is to eat right. You know what I'm saying? It is the hardship that you choose. Do you want to break up with him now, as hard as it is,

to save yourself later? Do you want to be disciplined with your eating and your exercise now, to save yourself later? You need to make choices from a place of wisdom, not from a place of impulse. You need to look around you. You need to understand what you're setting yourself up for.

If you're always turning a blind eye to your existence and to what you are doing in the current space that you're in, you are going to have a lot of picking up to do after yourself and the life that you've created. It might be hard to be rigorous now, but that is something you need to do in order to achieve what you want to achieve. The art of detachment is number five.

Detachment is such a hard learning curve, but it's so important in living the soft life. You need to detach from outcomes, people, and situations and let things go. Let people go. Let ideas go. Know that you are okay as you are and that you are enough. By being you, by being who you are without external people influencing that. It's a really hard thing to learn. and it's such a big process and a difficult maneuver,

but I just made a YouTube video about it where I discussed detachment, how to deploy it and what to do. If you constantly pin the happiness of yourself on other people, whether he calls you, whether she replies, where you're going, whether your friends like you, you will constantly be living in a chasing, struggling mentality. You need to know that you came in this world on your own journey as yourself to see what you could be,

to see what kind of person you could develop into and what kind of growth and trajectory that you could have. If you are always swayed by the wind of other people's decisions, you are always reacting and not acting. How can you get anywhere in life and how can you have peace? And essentially, the soft life is about peace. It's about having peace in your life that no matter what happens, you will be okay. Detachment is about the opposite of anxious attachment. We all know, anxious attachment is you. you are gagging for their reply, for their confirmation of who you are, for them to think

you're amazing, for them to like you, for them to see you, for them to notice you, witness you, you are exhausted. And the reality is, you need to validate yourself. You are your own master. You need to be attached to you, not to them. And yes, we all live in communities and we all need each other. But you need to understand that if you do not deploy detachment from outcomes and detachment from what people do and expectation, which is the killer of all things, you can truly be grateful for the things that you do have that come into your life. If you do not have expectations of people, you relinquish control. And control is such a hard thing to let go of because we are grasping at the reins of

what we think life is without saying, you know what? I am on this journey. I can just be the best version of me. And I am okay regardless of what anyone else does. Six is never complain, never explain my other slogan. You do not need to keep speaking at people when they do not listen. Silence is powerful. If he has not listened to you when you have told him that you do not like a certain action,

you need to stop telling him again and again why that hurt you. You're wasting your peace. You're wasting your time that is not soft life. You also do not need to explain why you do things. if you feel that you do not like certain actions he is taking because it is at the demise of your happiness, you just need to say, I do not feel that that is for me. You do not need to out logic people, explain things all the time, tell the people that you're a good person. If he goes out every night of the week and that is not for you, and you've said it's not for you,

you do not need to tell him why and quantify and justify all those things and say, no, it's because you know one time my dad went, no, my love, you just need to know. that it's not for you. You don't need to explain everything. And also complaining constantly. You do not need to write him messages. He ghosted you. I get this message all the time. Should I tell him why that hurt me? No, he ghosted you. He does not care. Yeah, but it would make me feel better. It wouldn't make you feel better. It would make you feel like shit. Because you would have written into the ether of nothingness and down into the well of his lack of acknowledgement, your emotions. You would have wasted your emotions on someone that is not listening. When someone is not listening to you, stop speaking. Look at their actions. Silence is powerful. Men get silence way more than they get you talking,

talking, talking, talking, talking, talking. We as women connect through talk. They do not. You've said it. We're not playing hard to get. It's none of that. We've said what it is. We've set our boundary. Stop explaining. People have heard you. If you keep going on like that, trying to to control, lack of detachment, always complaining, always justifying yourself. You're pinning so much of your happiness on other people, and that is not the soft life. Okay, number seven, free up your time with help or with money. Your time is not worth more than your money. Lose your pride.

You do not need. Oh my gosh, I've got a story to tell you. My husband came to me the other day and said, you know, how much would it be to hire somebody to do our laundry because he was trying to let me know that I'm lagging. And I felt this spike of pride over laundry like an idiot, over laundry because I thought, oh my gosh, I'm lagging because I'm working so much and I've got a son. I've got this one, that one, the other one, all the projects, I'm a creative, this is what I do, okay? And I stopped myself. I thought, no, no, no, no, we're not going to do this today. I said, you know what, I'll hire someone to do

that. And he was like, no, no, no, don't worry about it. It was just him trying to let me know, that he'd like his stuff folded. People say stupid things sometimes. You know what I mean? I told him go to himself. It's fine. It's just an anecdote for you. But the point being, not what he said,

but the spike of pride I had of, oh, I've got to do everything. I don't have to do everything. Create a quality of life that you want. You can, if you work hard, which a lot of you don't realize, but if you're listening to this podcast, many of you have a life whereby you can delegate.

It's not always about laundry or maids, but it's often about work projects. Even if you don't have money, it's about asking for help, asking your friends for help, asking your man for help, please ask your man for help. Why are we independent over here, not relying on anyone and not getting shit done? We need to sometimes rely on people and lean on people in order to get things happening. How can we live our soft goddess life if we've got no one doing anything for us? And also stop buying cheap, crappy clothes, buy them once.

spend your money wisely and well spend on wellness not stupid activities and delegate tasks do not glorify the struggle with your struggle clothes and your struggle constantly with your laundry basket overworked overtired over this and look yes soft life can sometimes mean luxury but we all work hard and we can delegate some of our funds to outsourcing we all understand that point outsource with your money if you don't have money let's move on to that if you don't have money you need to delegate tasks among people around you. And if you don't have that, you need to start saying, no, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to spend my time on that. I need to replenish. I am tired. I need to look after my body. My body comes first. I was born with my body. I'm going to die with

my body. That is it. It is my best friend and it needs to serve me. And if I'm here overworked and underpaid, it is not going to happen for me. I'm going to eat the best food I can and give myself the best things, junk food, all that stuff needs to go. You need to start spending more money on quality food and less on, you know, it looks good or two for one, all this stuff, all this garbage, listen, your body's getting you through life, your body's your temple, treat it like one, okay? For that soft life, you need to feel good in your body. And I know that what I'm saying might annoy you. It would have annoyed me a couple of years ago, but it is what it is. Number eight, trust the universe. do not stress about material things trust that what is meant for you will be for you and it will not

miss you i have not experienced as much success in my life as i have when i let go began creating what i feel is pivotal and important in the world and let go of any kind of outcome that might come for me there was a level of softness acceptance and a lack of push that i'm so grateful for to stop planning if i do this by this then i'll have that by that if i say this then i'll have that i need to approach this many people, writing down lists of goals. That's all fantastic. But ever since I stopped writing down lists of goals and just manifested on feeling, which is sitting with yourself and going, how do I want to feel? Things started shifting. You need to trust the universe or God or whatever higher feeling you have to have your best interest. And reframing, even seeing

bad occurrences as something that is serving you is a lifesaver. It's that level of saying, It's the journey, not the destination, and I'm here for it. Whatever is thrown at me, I am here for it, and relaxing into it and stopping the control. Again, what is meant for you will not miss you as a part of soft life. Number nine, you're not employed by Apple. Your phone is not your boss. You do not work for Instagram. You do not work for TikTok, even if you believe you do.

You do not work for your messenger apps. You do not need to be on everyone's beck and call. We've kind of trained ourselves societally that if, somebody texts you, it's imminent. You've got to reply, quick, quick. You've got to train people otherwise. You've got to complete your tasks. You've got to have some kind of leniency for yourself. You've got to be in the moment. You've got to be with your friends when you're with your friends. I always use this example of a shopping cart. When you're shopping and I've often got my son with me and someone's texting me, I'll be there trying to scurry through my pockets,

trying to address the situation. If it's not my son's school, I don't want it. You know what I mean? if it's not my biggest responsibility, you need to train people and the more you do it, and the more they will respond at first, everyone's going to fight with you about it. Oh my God, how dare you not reply to me? Okay, cool. If you show people that it takes your day to reply, after a while, they will get used to it. You need to have a list of priorities. At the top, it needs to be your wellness and your family and what you're doing and your own

process. Because if you're always reacting to things, you're always answering to people's to do list. They sent you a message, you've got to answer them. What do you have to do today? All the info you're giving it to them. You're not prioritizing you. Who's prioritizing your to-do list and what you're doing and the soft life that you're currently having?

You cannot be at the back and call of an item of Instagram, of any of these things trying to keep up with it. You need to be in the moment and to really focus on what your process is and what it is you are here trying to do. If people email you, people want to get a piece of you, that's fine. they can wait. If it's so important, they will call you. And with emails, delegate times, delegate times to get back to things, batch things. You need free time for thinking and just living. It cannot be go, go, go. And number 10 is find your joy in family life. It is an honor and a joy to be with

your mother and father, to be with your siblings, to raise children, to cook meals. Stop buying into the myth of being in a rush rush hustle society with no one around you. You are doing enough when you're in the moment and you're with those people that you love. If you don't feel like it, that is not good, it's a worry. If you feel that you are always outside of yourself and outside of your body trying to do something that just isn't current. And the reason I use family as an example is because that is the center of our being. My role currently as the mum in my family, and the wife and the daughter to my mother is the most important thing that there is. There is no more important thing to me than that.

And if you believe society when they tell you that when you clock in and clock out of work and when you're doing all these things is more important, it is wrong. I'm here to tell you that right now. What you can cultivate in the human beings around you is where it is at. And I'm not telling you to go and have children. And I'm not telling you to go and see your elderly mother. But I am telling you that those moments, that are in between are the moments that you will remember.

It's been said time and time again and again, that that's what people regret most when it's the end of their lives, that they didn't spend enough time with those people that they love. So concentrate on those people. They are important, and you are important at the center of it. It's not always about the deadlines you meet, but who you are in your community and how you cultivate that, how you show up for everyone in your family also.

So the soft life, my loves, is just a love. life without struggle. Do not be in the situations you don't want to be in. You use your best things now. No struggle love. Deploy some discipline instead of a regret in the future. Detach from people in situations. Never complain. Never explain. Free up your time with health or money. Trust in the universe. Your phone is not your boss. And find joy in your current life and your family life. Thank you for listening to this one. I've really enjoyed it. And I can't wait for the next one. I will catch you next week. Love you lots like Jolly Tots. Bye.