BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 21: 5 Things That Women With Successful Relationships Never Do

Episode Date: August 14, 2023

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Welcome to Being Her, the ultimate guide to living your best life as her. Join me, Margarita, on an empowering journey to discover your feminine energy, build meaningful relationships, and find your purpose. Let's dive in and explore all things womanhood together. Hello, my gorgeous one. Today we are going to talk about habits, five habits, that people who are happy in relationships, namely women in relationships have, or couples entirely. together have these habits or these qualities that create long-term happy relationships. If you are a

viewer of my YouTube channel, you will know that I discuss things like attachment style on there. I discuss concepts like narcissism. I kind of like to divide my content so that my brain understands where I'm talking about a certain subject, what I'm talking about during a certain subject, so that it just makes it easier for me to create that content. You know what I'm saying? But the point being is that if you're a fan of that style of content, some of the things are going to interest you here because a lot of the habits that women have that create long-term partnerships is up to you to cultivate in a relationship. It's not up to you just to wing it. We must discuss and talk about what these are. Instead of discussing the subject, why don't we just dive into the first

point that I want to implement to you? And that is people who have happy relationships and and have happiness in their cultivated relationships, do not try to change the other person. They work on themselves. How do we decipher what I just said into something that is more tangible and of this reality? Because concepts can be talked about

till the cows come home, but what does that mean? People who are anxiously attached are often attached to the idea of changing the person that they are with, as opposed to cultivating the life they want. Why are they like this? because sometimes they're raised by people who are perhaps alcoholics, people who are dependent on drugs, people who are narcissistic, people who are workaholics. There is some kind of deficit in their

upbringing and sometimes it's just the fact that they didn't have a very stable family to grow up in, but they have learnt to read the whims and the likes and dislikes of their primary caregiver. And that is how you fall in love when you're older. Whatever feels familiar in your childhood is what you fall in love with when you're older unless you've of course healed, gone to therapy and kind of transcended that feeling for yourself. So if you are attracted to these people who you constantly have to help or to fix, i.e. your father who drinks too much or your mother who's narcissistic who only likes you if you do the right pirouette at ballet, then you will spend your whole entire life nitpicking on how that person can be changed.

They need to be more punctual. They need to keep their promises. They need to not go out so much. You're constantly in the mode of controller. You have wrongly understood that your happiness predicates on somebody else's actions. And that might be true, but it's only to a certain extent. Because in childhood, it's extremely true. There is no way that you can be happy and thriving in an independent way as a child who is relying on someone who is abusive

or just simply neglectful. Let's just put it that way. However, as an adult, you can not be in that circumstance. You can take yourself out of that reality. It does not have to be your world. You are not tied to anyone. You are born as you and you will die as you and there is nobody that you have to simply rely on. Of course, there are circumstances where you have children with someone. You have to connect with them. But there are boundaries you can put. You cannot have those boundaries as a child. So if this is how you grew up, often you will be in the role of trying to change them. And as a woman, if you're listening to this, and you find yourself constantly thinking, well, if Patrick just changed, if he was just better, if he listened more, if he was just more empathic, if he was just more this one,

that one, the other one, you are approaching the prospect from the wrong angle. Because the angle should be, who am I? Who is Jessica? Who is Rebecca? Who am I in order to build the life that I want? I always have this tendency when I say names. I'm like, oh my God, now everyone else is going to feel excluded with their names, but Christ, I can't think of all everyone's names, you know. My name's Margarita, who could think of that? Anyway, the point being, you have to cultivate your own life and your own reality. It's a part of manifestation. It's a part of the creation of your own reality, as I say it, so it will be. You cannot, and it's almost a selfish, idealistic concept to think that you can create the reality of someone else. How can you create the reality of somebody else?

if you cannot even create your own reality. You've been on the trajectory to perhaps, I don't know, eat healthier and you can't, and you're the one who's in charge of you, yet you think that you can make someone else change for you? You are trapped in the cycle of the same thing when a parent only reacts to a child when they've broken something or been naughty, so children keep being naughty or breaking something, and you as a parent don't react to the good things your child does. This is the exact same cycle.

So if you're in the cycle with Patrick, your partner or your husband, if you've ever wanted to make a podcast, if you've got something to say, which I think all of you do, Spotify has a platform for you that you can do it really easily on. All in one place, it's free and you can even earn money. Spotify for podcasters lets you record and edit podcasts right from your phone or computer, which is what I do. So no matter what your setup is, it's not complicated to start creating today.

Then you can distribute it, everywhere that podcasts are listened to. Then you can even monetize it. You can do a Q&A section. You can do polls and all these amazing things. Basically, it was really, really easy for me to do. For me, the obstacle was the tech aspect. And I know a lot of you wanted to hear from me. So Spotify made it possible for me to create this podcast. So I'm really grateful. Download the Spotify for podcasters app or go to www.com.com. dot com forward slash podcasters to get started. Who you're constantly trying to etch,

trying to stuff him in a mold that he doesn't fit. You've got to ask yourself, what are you doing? What in your childhood made you believe that you are the savior? Why don't you work on exactly who you are and who you want to be and then a miracle will happen? You will not probably be attracted to Patrick anymore. You will want a different type of character who now suits you. One of the first TikToks I ever made was

when you're thinking of a man I want to be with, instead of writing a list of the things that he is, write a list of the types of women he would want to have. So if you like a guy who loves animals and is a vegan and works for a independent company or something, I don't know what it is your jam is and he likes to run marathons, but yet you are not, what kind of woman would that guy like? He probably likes a girl who also has animals and is also a vegan.

But if you are not those things yet, if you are not manifesting the woman that that guy would want, then it's you you need to be working on. And there is a lot of things out there that you're as perfect as you are. And a lot of backlash to me which says, why can't people just be themselves? Because I'm here to tell you, you can't just be yourself, because you're here to evolve. You're here to do better. You're here to think better. You're here to grow. If you're just born and that is it, what is the point if there's no growth? So if you can grow and work on yourself, then you will inevitably either inspire the partner you're with and they will change, or

Or you'll be attracted to someone completely different. So that's the number one mistake, is that we get in relationships and constantly try and change the man we're with. Why are you changing him? Change yourself if you want change in your life. Or just be happy the way it is. The second biggest mistake that women make in relationships is thinking that the key to your happiness is going to come from him or the relationship.

I hear it time and time again from women going on and on about, oh, but he doesn't make me happy. And once I get in a relationship, I'll be so happy. No, no, no, no, my friend. has been proven that a person who cannot make themselves happy, who does not hold the keys to their own happiness and the success, therefore, of it, cannot derive that from another person. Say you have 10% happiness in your life. The man can marginally make you happier to say 15 or 20, but your energy will pull down that

relationship. Let's say you are 90% happy, he can be the cherry on the cake. And the reason this is so important to understand when it comes to the biggest mistakes, which is what this episode is about, is that you need to work on your own ideas of what you want to be in your life. How happiness is derived for you? How do you want to manifest your life? What do you want to create in your own reality? Because you cannot approach someone and milk them dry, like a vampiric energy of ways they can make you happy because things will often come up. He does this too much. He does that too much. And I guess this goes hand in hand with point.

number one, but it's a little bit more intrinsic in the fact that you need to know how to make yourself happy. And what I talk about in the polarity principles, my new masterclass that just came out on www.margarita Nazarenko.com, or you can look it up in the description, is the fact that you need to understand the biggest thing, that men are attracted to women who know how to make themselves happy. That is the number one thing. We can talk circles and circles around what men want, what men don't want, men want a happy woman. And this is not to say that now you've got to walk around a clown smiling all the time, but you've got to be able to give him the instructions on how to make you happy and what you don't like. It's very, very simple

boundaries for what you don't like and how to make you happy for what you do like. But if you don't know those instructions and how to make yourself happy, then how can he possibly ever add anything into your life? So this second step of finding out what makes you happy and going towards that yourself as opposed to trying to change the person you're with is very, very helpful in something I often talk about and that is creating space and distance in your relationship in order to create spice and to create attraction and long-lasting attraction, which again is in my new masterclass, if you want to delve deeper into that, how to create that long-lasting attraction and sizzle. But the point being is if you are sensing that

there is something wrong in your relationship, you can't put your finger on it, there is just something not jelling. The thing is not to start asking your partner, questioning your partner, bullying your partner into making you happy. You don't bring me flowers. You don't do this one. You don't do that one. You don't do the other one.

The point here is now to delve into your own happiness because one of two things will happen. You will become a happier person and you'll become more of a magnet to him. Because like I said, men love to see that in women. And you are the energetic source of how he derives this happiness and joy from life. So if you can make yourself happy, you will then attract him and he will become a better person in your vicinity. Or secondly, you will become happier. You will be going towards your goals. You will be doing what you need to do, watching your children, looking after your things, doing your own shit, and he will become again irrelevant in your life.

So if the man is a true masculine to your feminine, he will step into his role. And if he can't, then he will fall away. And it's worth taking that risk. It's definitely worth taking that risk, my darling, because this is a true. This is where the cookie crumbles. You need to, instead of telling him what to do and how flowers make you happy and all this stuff, you need to go, okay, great. We're at this juncture in our lives.

What can I do to make myself happy and hope he follows suit? The third understanding that you must have or mistake that women definitely make is thinking that physical closeness and proximity, i.e. constant text messaging, constantly being together creates a bond and an emotional and spiritual romantic proximity. It's a hard task to kind of understand, but it is the truth that if you are trying to sustain a romantic relationship throughout your lifetime, which is the hopes for us, I mean, I've spoken to thousands of women, and it's rare that somebody would come to me and say, listen, I want a series of many romances, each one lasting a year throughout my lifetime.

I think if that was the case, we wouldn't really have an issue in creating that, because we all know how to cultivate that. The cultivation of a long-term attraction and goal is the harder part. So when I say don't mistake physical proximity and constant text messaging and this kind of friendship reality and even a very controversial subject that I'll go into, bed sharing, which is so normal in all countries, Western especially, to just bed share constantly. But I will touch on it in a second. The whole point being, is that if you want to cultivate long-term attraction and something spicy over time, again, I don't want to hear it from the back row, oh, but I just want to be myself,

because a lot of things aren't yourself. It's just learned behavior. If you're an Edwardian woman, you would think some of the things that you're talking about or thinking about now is horribly terrible and completely unappropriate. So it's cultural. It's societal. So don't give me all that. Yeah. The point being is that you need to have some wisdom behind you as a woman about understanding that sometimes space over a long-term lifetime relationship needs to be had in order to create mystery and excitement because it's lust which creates the desire and strangeness and it's the familiarity that breeds love and you need to have both in a relationship to sustain it.

And I think when people grabs really, really hard onto the idea of constant togetherness, and I don't even mean physically, I mean constantly texting them, constantly updating, and it's fun. There is a fun part of where that is a part of a relationship, and I wouldn't take that away from you. But make it ebb and flow. Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday, you're updating, updating, updating, it's exciting, and then go into yourself, go into your own world.

Be with your friends. Don't always be sitting, hanging onto your phone when you're meeting up with Lizzie. for a coffee, replying to him, I've been guilty of this and there is no need because you're trying to create something of quality over time. If you're constantly texting him about what your child did, what you did, I love that. I love to text my husband about what Leo our son did. It is the biggest joy because there is nobody else on this earth who is as excited about the fact that Leo ate something than him and we're both so excited. So I'm not saying don't do that. I'm not saying be this bionic person, but don't be in the same mode constantly.

notice, if I just said never reply to him and never text, you'd say, well, you can't just do that. That's horrible. But at the same time, why are you always doing something? Why are you always trying to close the gap? There is so much room for the ebbs and flows in life. You don't need to always be with him every Saturday and Sunday. There is time for that coming together, moving apart, coming together, moving apart. It actually makes life very exciting. And I read a statistic. We're backed up my idea. Me and my husband, by the way, a bit TMI, but we sleep in the same bed, okay, currently. There was a time where we didn't because something happened. I think we were having a renovation and he was going to bed really late. And so he slept in another room and we

had a small child and I was like, homie, I'm not having that. Like I cannot stay up all hours of the night for you. So he ended up sleeping in a different room and I heard it in some Vedic teachings or on a podcast that when and women used to, you know, have their own bedrooms and bathrooms and then come together and that would sustain the spice of their relationship. And I was like, wait a minute. Followed by this statistic that I recently heard, their 15% of divorces are cited because of sleep differences. Not that that's the primary reason, but that is cited in the divorce documents as the

fact that it created so much stress because of people's different sleep hygiene pattern and understanding of when they're sleeping and what they're doing. And I can completely understand because when someone snores, when someone snores, when someone snores, my friend, it is not for the taint-hearted, you know, it's not for the faint. It's no joke. It's a serious matter. It's a serious issue. So even, don't let ideas fool you. If you guys feel more comfortable sleeping in separate beds, having the best sleep, being the best version of yourself, and then coming together and you're that type of couple who then has a date and has great sexual chemistry, then don't let society tell you that you need to cuddle every night. I'm not

saying one way or another is right or wrong, but I'm seeing build your life how you want it. The fourth mistake that women make in relationships is not presenting a united front when you're in front of your friends, colleagues or family. It's a really hard thing to do. I don't know why. It's a very big woman mistake that happens, but I will implore you. I won't go into it too far because everyone on their cat and their mom and their dog understands why it's wrong, but we do it anyway. I don't know what it is. But basically it's though like he's telling a story which he's fabricating and it isn't real. And then you turn around and you're like, no, you didn't. No, you didn't, Jason. No, you didn't. You didn't catch that. You didn't do that. You didn't throw that. You didn't go

there. You didn't go to that school. Like, what are you doing? I know it's not that deep and it doesn't sound that deep to you, but it can really destroy someone's idea of what is happening. And in turn, and men should not do it to women either. I think that the premise is this. Even do not argue in front of other people if you want to have a united front and like a strong empire that you're trying to create as a family. And it is that you're cultivating like a business and two business partners shouldn't argue together in front of someone they're making a proposal to. It just shouldn't happen. So even if he's doing something that is out of line and you do not like, let's say he's crossing a boundary, I don't know. You're out in public and he has disrespected you and he's like, oh, you look,

don't say anything in the moment. Have some wisdom about it. Those people who are there in front of you don't deserve the show and tell of your relationship and nor does your relationship. Wait till you guys are home if you can. If you're that strong, I'm not that strong. But wait until you guys have a moment together and be like, hey, when you said that, I'm going to let that slide this time.

But if that happens again, I'm standing up and I'm leaving because I'm not going to be disrespected like that. I'm not going to be treated like that. Simple. So you need to give somebody the benefit of the doubt. You need to cultivate the relationship you want to have. You need to create the boundaries in your relationship. So if you're flying off the handle and storming off in front of your friends every time or your family, it's bad. If you're pulling up in front of them, it's bad. But if you tell him calmly and you even need to add the benefit of the doubt, I know you didn't mean to hurt me, or you might have not seen this as hurtful, or you might have not intended to do that. But, you don't even need to add the benefit of the doubt of, I know you didn't mean to hurt me, or you might have not intended to do that. But, but you know, this is what it's going to be. It's very, very good for your relationship, but let me tell you, if he does it again, get up and leave. The point is to create and cultivate boundaries as opposed to disappointing events and embarrassment, to be honest. The point is that if he does repeat it,

you just simply stand up and you say, guys, I'm so sorry, I forgot that my cat didn't get fed, my dishwasher's still on, or something's happened, and you leave. And he follows you, or if he asks you later, say that's not going to happen. Sorry, matey. But the point is, do not discredit his stories, do not make fun of him in front of people, and stay as a united front. Lastly, I think the fifth mistake that people make and women make in relationships is thinking and believing that men and women want the same things, like the masculine, feminine energy wants the same things in relationships. It's kind of a mute point and people can talk till the cows come home about how. how we're all the same and that's great.

But even our personalities differ in terms of me and another woman's personality might differ. So, of course, due to the hormone panels, men and women are going to differ. Our functions differ. Our bodies are created different. We have different hormonal balances. All of it is different. And I talk so much in my content about what a man, for example, might want from a relationship to make him happy. Again, it's in my polarity masterclass.

It's more focused on relationships as opposed to the feminine energy principles, which was focused on your own development of the feminine energy in your life. But a mistake is thinking that just because you want closeness in that moment, so does he. Just because you want to talk all the time, so does he. Or for example, that if he wants space, that must be a heinous, terrible thing. Because for you to want space, that would mean that you don't like him. For example, when a woman says nothing is wrong and she's not thinking of anything, it means she's thinking terrible things about you and she just doesn't always.

want to hurt your feelings. If she's sitting there looking out the window in the car and you go, what are you thinking about? And she goes, nothing. That means she's thinking bad things about you. That's what it means. And she's not bothered to go into it. Or she's already told you what's wrong and she's not bothered to tell your stupid ass again. If a man says nothing, it's probably nothing. They can segregate their brain into this meditative state, which I envy, to be quite honest, and relaxation, which we don't have. So when a man tells a woman, I'm thinking nothing, she's thinking, oh, okay, I see how it is. He hates me. Great. Not understanding that there are those fundamental differences is a big error and a flaw that we encounter. It is important to study

those things that you want to understand in life. If you want to be a doctor, it's important to study medicine. I don't need to tell you. It's important to go to university for that. Same in relationships. It's important to study the person that you're with. What makes them happy? What doesn't? And the fact that if the partner that you're with is male, you need to understand their tendencies are not going to be the same as yours. And I would say the same things to the guys. I would say if you think that you cannot weather her storms of her feminine moods, I don't mean mood swings.

I don't mean she used to put her feelings on you. But if you cannot calm her storm, then you need to work on your masculinity as well. So that is the fifth point. I hope you guys liked my five points of couples that, you know, thrive in relationships and five mistakes. they wouldn't make. I know you guys like this format. Thank you for listening. Also check out my course. It's going to be in the description boxes and I've got really exciting things coming that you

are all going to know about by the end of the year. So stay tuned. Okay. And I will speak to you soon. Love you lots like jelly tots. Remember to subscribe. Give this five stars if you want me to keep creating great content and create newer formats.