BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 24: Make Him Fall In Love With You In These 4 Steps

Episode Date: September 4, 2023

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Welcome to Being Her, the ultimate guide to living your best life as her. Join me, Margarita, on an empowering journey to discover your feminine energy, build meaningful relationships and find your purpose. Let's dive in and explore all things womanhood together. How to make anyone fall in love with you now. What a toxic image. What a toxic expression to put out there. But listen, listen, listen.

This is not to say that you can make anybody bewitch them and charisma them to fall in love with you, no. But this is to say that if they might have had a chance in falling in love with you, then these things will amplify that chance. Welcome to episode 24 of being her. And we're going to amplify what it means to be her on this one. I think the first point being image. Image is a really interesting thing to consider because I am going to address something that happened to me when I was in my early 20s. I used to go to an educational establishment. I won't say

which one in case those people are listening. I don't want to be specific or maybe it was a friend. We don't know. I was somewhere where there was groups of people and I used to hang out with a girl who we used to go to a pub or a bar and there was several of us. There was groups of friends, a group of friends, okay? There was many varietals of girls and there would be many varietals of guys we would meet young kind of college experience if it was. and it always perplexed me. This girl would wear, and I know now it's popular, but back then it wasn't as the thing, these cargo pants or these baggy pants and not a crop top, a baggy t-shirt.

She had short hair, sometimes she had it in a ponytail, then she cut it. This girl had, I would say, a pretty to average face, which I'm not saying to, I believe myself to have a similar type of face. I'm not saying she was less than in any way. She was a moderately slash pretty attractive person, but she didn't amplify it in any way. She didn't wear makeup, she didn't wear mascara, she didn't do any of that. Meanwhile, there were other girls who were knockouts in my eyes.

Like in all feminine female circles, they would have been judged like a nine or a ten out of ten. And not only were they this way in looks, but they also amplified their looks with their skirts and tops and heels and blah, blah, blah. and we'd go to these places and I would constantly watch this happen where guys that we would either meet or guys from where we used to go or guys we used to know would gravitate towards this girl. It was like flies to shit or flies to honey or bees to honey, whatever you want to call it. But I had this really important lesson at that point and I've always been interested

in human interaction and human psychology and how people interact with each other and what her be so comfortable in herself, in her body, but not only that, but in her image, which is the first point about your self image and what you put out there, that she became instantly a magnet. It was a literal feminine magnetism that she had. And in these feminine image conversations and feminine energy conversations, we often come upon the stumbling block of, okay, wear a skirt, okay, wear your hair down. And I see. see that often, but to me, truly speaking, feminine energy and being in that state of self-fulfilled feminine expression is not about wearing a skirt, putting a crown on your head, and running around

with a wand like a fairy. It's about being true and authentic to the image that you have decided suits you and cultivates your personality. We've known it before. There are some images that can push us away when an image of how you dress comes from, and dare I say, a trauma, or for example, let's say you were never given attention to as a child and you decide to dye your hair all kinds of colors and pierce your face in all kinds of places and that's not authentic to what you would have naturally chosen. You're not that kind of artistic, creative, expressive person. You're just doing it because somebody didn't give you enough attention in your childhood. It becomes an image that pushes people away. It makes you not lovable. It makes you, dare,

I say it, repulsive. However, somebody else could wear that image and I knew another girl growing up. This was when I was a little bit younger and she came from a family which essentially I suppose in quotes would be called hippies, right? And they were just so down to earth, so amazing. I love this girl and she had that kind of image and it suited her so well. She used to stitch her own clothes. She used to put on her own designs and everything. If other girls did that, they would look like they were trying so hard. But for her it was effortless because it would came. authentically from how she was raised. Another girl I went to school with, she didn't care about her image much, but she was so hyper-intelligent and everything she wore had a kind of beat poet

aesthetic to it. The point I'm trying to make is that all of these girls were intrinsically really, really magnetic and lovable. And I've went through the phases of not even noticing my image when I was the age of 10 to about 16, I don't realize anybody was looking at me. I think it was a consequence of going to an all-girls school, which was both liberating, but at the same time, I didn't really look at my image. I could roll out of bed and go to school.

We always had a uniform. I didn't cultivate that. I cultivated much more of my personality and speaking ability at that time and who I am, as opposed to my image. But turning 18, I realized, wow, I kind of need to look at the foods I eat to be healthy. I kind of need to do some sport.

I need to do all these things. Not that I was tragically and aesthetically pleasing. I was just a kid who lived their life, but I realized about aesthetics at the age of 18, and then I went on to do Miss Universe, where I really realized it's not just about aesthetics, but how you hold yourself and present yourself. Now, me, I like to hold myself to a certain image and esteem

because I believe that suits me. However, some people, like this girl I mentioned at the beginning of our conversation, really suits that casual vibe. you need to really hone down on what is natural to you. What is your goddess energy? Are you that wild child? Are you that free spirit? Or are you a queen?

Are you really refined? Are you, what is your image? How do you hold yourself? Do not, please, let trends control you. Don't go on Instagram. Don't go on YouTube. Don't go wherever you consume your media and think just because Haley Bieber's wearing a sleek bun

is going to suit your head. Look at your head objectively. And I know that sounds fun. but who are you? What is the image that you're presenting? Why are you doing your hair like everybody else? Not only ladies in my 30s and 40s is it not suiting you, but it's also aging you. You can look at a certain style of peplum top or skinny gene. I haven't worn jeans since the pandemic happened, to be honest. But that's because I've had babies and been pregnant and leggings are life as our dresses. But what my point is, is that there are certain traits.

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So Spotify made it possible for me to create this podcast. So I'm really grateful. Download the Spotify for podcasters app or go to www. Spotify.com forward slash podcasters to get started. It's that you will have even down to plastic surgery. We know the bolt-on kind of round boobs of the 90s. I kind of still love that image. I wouldn't have it on myself.

I don't have breast surgery, but it's just nostalgic to me. I love Pamela Anderson and that vibe. We know that woman would be a certain age because we know when she would have got those kind of breast implants. Now soon we're going to know everyone with the BBL was in their 20s and 30s. around this time. Everything ages and everything becomes a system and a symptom of their time.

Do you want to age yourself? Stop putting on personas that are not yours. Live your life the way you want to live it and the most charismatic way that you can attract someone and make them fall in love with you is the apple pie theory and I've told you about this one. If you make the best apple pie, somebody says they like blueberry pie, don't go and make a mediocre blueberry pie. stick to your apple pie, stick to what you do well. That girl we talked about in the beginning, if I observed her and realized all the guys were crazy about her and I was like, right, that's it,

I'm going to wear cargo pants and a baggy t-shirt and cut my hair off, it wouldn't have made me adorable or cute or amazing. It would have just made me sub-par because that wasn't me. And truly, I hadn't found myself back then. But if you can really hone down to what makes you comfortable, that thing will make you effortly. attractive. You know it. People make movies about it. People make films about it, about that girl who's just got her thing. What is your thing? Figure it out. Number two, the thing that

makes people fall effortlessly in love with you is this quintessential but really difficult thing to achieve, which might take you a while. But if you achieve it, girl, you're going to be, the suitors are going to be lining up. There's going to be a line around the corner. Okay. It is an openness to listening. questions to the person without being intrusive or judgmental. Now, most of us fall in one of two camps. Camp number one is somebody who doesn't listen, doesn't understand the art of listening,

doesn't understand the art of looking into someone's eyes and delving into their world and their reality and truly hearing what they're saying. They don't understand the art of mirroring when somebody says a word, you repeat that word, when you interact with them and really truly knowing the art of listening. Look it up. The art of listening is going to get you far in life.

They don't know that. They just sit on a date. They talk to a person and they just talk about themselves because somewhere in life they got taught that the more you talk about yourself, the more people will find you lovable and adorable. That's not true. People want to be seen like an image of themselves back to them in your eyes. And then there's the other camp of the girl that talks too much.

And the other camp is the girl who wants to know about you and is a good listener, but is so suspicious and almost like an interrogation, like an inquisition. She wants to know everything about you, but she's judging you. You can tell the tone of judgment in her voice, oh, you went there? Oh, that's where you went to school? Oh, but I thought you said Frank didn't go to school with you there. Okay, so what are your intentions? Both of these people are not somebody who is in the present moment and reflects. any kind of persona that you want to associate yourself with. If you're the interrogator or if you're

the talk about me girl, people are going to find it hard to be in your company and fall in love with you effortlessly. The way you hit the middle is to not be judgmental and that's very, very hard. To be genuinely interested, genuinely open to listening to people. Openness in a human being is so rare. If you're genuinely open to listening to people and asking them questions, but understand this simple fact. That human being is not yours to own and control. You cannot judge them. I'm not talking about people in your life like your husband who told you that he's done something awful and you can't judge him. Look, that's your thing. But I mean when you're meeting someone and you are proposing the fact that they might be in your life, in your mind, you're like, oh, this might

be the man for me. Be open to who he is. You don't have the right yet to judge him. If he does not pass your Simon Cowell American Idol audition, that's fine. That is. That it's no skin off your back or his. But have that openness in your mind. When people write me DMs very often and girls talk to me about the fact that, oh, he's done this. What should I do? How long have you been dating him, I say. A month?

Well, nothing. You should have a metaphoric or an actual physical journal of where you write the pluses and minuses of each suitor in your life. And yes, you should have more than one if you're not exclusive with anybody because competition rises to the cream to the top. You will see by comparison who is the one for you. Even people who don't imminently think, wow, he's so gorgeous and attractive. Go on a date with him, give him a chance. He's practicing wooing women on you, and you're practicing what it is you want and don't want. The cream rises to the top in that way.

And you should be open to listening to who he is. Instead of trying to train him not to be that way, accept people for who they are. Someone shows you who they are. They always do. Believe them. Stop trying to manipulate the situation in your head. And that's what happens when you focus in on one guy and think he's the one. And you email Margarita or you text Margarita and you say, oh, but he didn't buy me flowers

or he didn't do this, he didn't do that. Something minute or even big. And you're asking me what you should do. Well, what is your options? Berate him, yell at him, tell him not to do that again. Why? What for? What will that result in?

Oh, I told him not to act that way anymore. And now what he doesn't? Have a metaphoric like in your head or a physical journal where you write these are the good points. He's done this. He bought me flowers. He organized the date. He spent his whole time on the phone during the date, right? That in the negatives column. Then once you date a few people, you understand what's for you and what's not for you. Wow, he's on his phone during the whole date. For one woman, that might be fantastic. She's a social media, you know, a junkie. She loves it too. They're both on their phone. Wow, amazing. For you, that might make you feel isolated and

alone. Instead of being judgmental and judging that person, understand that everyone. Understand that everyone is unique in their own way. You are not their mother, they're not here to be reparented, that might just not be for you. And then look at your negatives versus positives list. But back to what makes you incredibly attractive is to have an openness of spirit, an openness of mind to people, not try and change them, but at the same time, don't launch into crazy topics about who you are and what you've done. Ask questions. Try and see into them. The third thing that people who are effortlessly lovable do, and anyone fall in love with you if the opportunity is there, is they don't try to control the outcomes of the situation and they don't try and control people in their lives. A lot of us find comfort and security in the fact that if someone might hurt us or stand us up or do anything that kind of hurts our ego or our perception of ourselves,

We try and interject before that happens. For example, if a guy has set up a date with us, we will follow up before giving him the chance to follow up himself. So say on Monday, he's like, let's go out on Friday. On Thursday, you'll be like, so are we still going out on Friday? And if so, where? What you're doing is you're trying to preempt. You're trying to focus the light of attention on yourself. Learn that people, unless they are your husband or your children and you have an economy and a system of living together and, you know, you need to organize something. Don't need to be chased. You don't need to chase people's energy as the feminine in the relationship because you're already starting on a bad foot. It's not going to make you seem like the prize.

And yes, you do need to seem like the prize because you are one and effortlessly magnetic and charismatic. Why are you trying to lock him in? Why are you trying to do that? Other versions of this is if a guy does something, I don't know, something like looks at a girl in public, glances, right? A girl was telling me about this. I often hear about this. What should I say? What do you mean? What should you say? What is the possible things that you could say? Don't look at other girls in public. Well, now you're controlling another human being. It is up to you whether you want to be with that human being or not, but you can't control them. You can express your emotions. That hurts me when you look at other women in public. Sure, you can say that. But what

what would be the outcome? You're trying to control someone's behavior in order to soothe your own self in that situation. Before that person has become your legitimate partner or husband, they don't owe you anything. In that character of whom does he owe you not to look at other women? What you owe is yourself the proximity to be with that person or not. But if he's just a boyfriend in quotation marks or somebody you're just hanging out with, you're still in the assessment process. You don't have a ring on your finger.

He's not chosen you. So if he's showing you, he's looking at other women, take that note in your mental note cabinet and file it away. And when it comes to breaking up with him or saying you don't want to see him anymore, sure, you can mention, you know, we're different. I like to look at you. You like to look at other women. Not my vibe.

And that's fine. But you can't control someone else. And truly magnetic people who people fall in love with focus on themselves, not on other people and how those people live their lives. truly magnetic people are in their own lane. They don't gossip about other people. They don't care what other people are doing. They're focused on their own trajectory, on their own achievements,

and what they themselves are doing. They're not focused on herding you like a cat into their reality and what makes them comfortable. Why did you say that? Why did you do that? Are you going to come pick me up? Why didn't you pick me up? Why didn't you get me flowers?

Take people's actions as the actions that they did unless they're asking you. please tell me what do you like do you like flowers yes I do I love pink roses I do by the way guys I like pink roses but the point is stop trying to control people for an outcome of yourself soothing learn to soothe yourself if you guys don't know how to go on my YouTube channel there's a lot on anxious attachment a lot of people with anxious attachment styles cannot give themselves that soothing that they didn't receive and they look at it from outside sources that is not the way to go Another thing you can do is go on my website, www.margaritanaazarenko.com. There is 20 feminine energy principles, a masterclass that will not allow you to transcribe this

scenario, to transcend it, to break the parameters of it. And there is also a polarity masterclass, which is more about men and women in the interaction and what pushes men away and what pulls women towards them. So check those out. Last but not least, people who make people fall in love with them. and you know that it's happened to you before. You looked at a guy, he wasn't anything, and then you're hopelessly in love with him a few months later.

It's a quality of character. These people are hard to get. What does that mean? They're high value. They're hard to get. But what does that mean, Margarita? That means they don't play hard to get. They are hard to get.

You and I have talked about this on my TikTok, this concept of attention and, you know, being hard to get. You should be hard to get. Oh, but I want to be. myself. I want to be myself. I don't want to play games. Why is it a game? Why is it when I tell you that you should have a busy and thriving life? You respond to me with I don't want to play games. Why is it a game to you? It's a very serious thing, my honey. It's a very serious concept. Why are you so free that any Tom Dick and Harry can fit into your life can just slot in and become the prized

primary goal of your daily existence? Why are you playing games? You should be busy. It should be hard to get into your schedule. Have you achieved everything you want to achieve? Have you, do you look the way you want to look? Do you have you got the friends you want to have? Do you go to the Pilates class? That salsa class you signed up to? Have you written that book you said you want to write? Have you written that movie script you said you want to do? Oh, you haven't done that. So how is it that your time is so easy to get? How is it that when I suggest that you be hard to get, suddenly, suddenly, it's games. Why is it games? Why is it not the reality of your existence? Why does someone show up suddenly and find it so easy to get a slot in your time? Like any expensive restaurant

or any amazing new thing that comes out, you should be hard to get. Not acting like it, but actually being it. A lot of the things that make you lovable is not about the other person. It's about self-work. It's about putting the light of attention on yourself. It's about becoming and manifesting the best version of yourself. And we talked about it in previous episodes. I have a very, very, very big emphasis on the fact that I am not the person I am right now. I am the person that I want to be. I make the actions as if I am the person I want to be. Margarita 3.0. Right now I'm 2.0. I don't make actions as who I am. I make actions as who I want to be.

Because there is a quote and it says, hell is realizing the difference between the person that you could have been and the person that you are. So don't realize that difference. Act as if the person that you want to be is already you. You are already that person. Do not make actions as this person right now who maybe you want to get healthier.

Maybe your body isn't right. Maybe you don't feel good. Then why are you eating that thing? Why are you eating that thing you shouldn't be eating? And I don't care about all this. Oh yeah, it's shaming what I'm eating. I don't care. You need to know about your body and what fuels it.

You know, I know, we all know. Yes, the world is confusing. Yes, there's a lot of shit for us to eat and it's all very, very confusing. But love yourself, respect yourself. It's all about that journey. Be that girl. Be her already. Don't be you.

Be her. Guys, thank you for listening to this one. I love the conversation of self-development. I love to have it with you. I want you to let me know on the Spotify app or wherever you're listening to this or come and jump in my DMs or on my latest photo.

What you want to talk about next? Because I'm here and let's talk about it. I can't wait to speak to you again and I will talk to you in the next one. Love you lots of Jetatts. Bye.