BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 25: 7 Rules For Finding The One When Dating.

Episode Date: September 11, 2023

In this episode I talk about the 7 rules of finding THE ONE! Mind sets, ideas, and what you certainly should not do!LINKS:20 feminine energy principles: https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesalesPolarity MasterClass (20 secrets to long lasting attraction & love) : https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/polarity-masterclassAmazon book list:https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenkoBecome Magnetic (Free Ebook): https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/Email me: [e-mail] by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Hello, hello, my gorgeous wonders. Today I want to talk about seven rules, seven ideas, seven steps about meeting, the one, the guy, the one you're going to have a family with a relationship with, you know, the whole shebang. And I want to start with number one, because it's a very important one. The first and foremost thing you need to concentrate on or not concentrate. on is your expectations and your ideas that this person, every guy, every Tom Dick and Harry

is the one with the potential because you are doing something that is actually at a detriment to your progress. When you are looking at every guy through rose tinted glasses, through the husband filter, through the long-term relationship filter, as it were, you are not actually seeing the reality of him. Not only are you not seeing the reality of him, so you cannot properly evaluate whether this is the person for you, you are also giving off an energy, a desperate energy. That's a universal energy that nobody wants. Nobody wants a desperate energy. It is just not becoming of anybody. It doesn't suit anybody in this world. And when you're acting that way, you start to put on that person all these expectations that are actually going to put

the poor guy off. So if he was the one, you are now acting neurotic, psychotic, and delusional. Having expectations of him that are husband's status. You are expecting him to contact you constantly. When you've only met him one day, you're expecting him to constantly compliment you, look at you in the eyes, read you sonnets, love poems, whatever it is that you're constantly wanting from him. That is your expectation. Do you think that looks attractive in anybody's eyes?

Even in a friendship that's not attractive. Have you ever had a girlfriend who gets butt hurt if you don't reply to her straight away? if you have all these expectations, it's about matching expectations. When somebody is your husband and they haven't replied to you what time they're coming home, that's a problem. That's your husband. If that person doesn't owe you anything, you've just met, you have to have a lightness of spirit to you. You have to have a lightness to you in general because you don't know them. They don't owe you anything. Also, you need to be able to see people for who they truly are. not only is the energy of coloring everyone as your husband desperate and unattractive,

it is also stopping you from actually seeing who they are. If this guy, Derek, is a party guy. He goes out all the time. He does keg stands. Cool. If you've already painted him as your husband, you're not going to like that, that he does a kegstand every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. But if you're just seeing him as the person who he is,

you are going to take him out of your roster of potential people you want to date because he's already not your husband, he's just a potential. It's not going to be that deep for you. You're going to have an easy, relaxed air about you, and that's the beauty of dating. Derek wouldn't have done anything wrong by showing you his true colors, and when someone shows you who they are, you have to believe them. That is the downfall of a lot of women. They pretend someone's already their husband. They get really hurt. They send Margarita, that's me, messages about my boyfriend who I've been dating two months is doing A, B, C, D, F, G, what do I do? How do I tell him to stop? You don't tell him to stop. You're in the process of assessing him. He is auditioning for you. You are Simon Cowell. You are seeing if he is the American Idol.

And he's not the American Idol. But there's nothing wrong with the guy because maybe he needs Amanda, who is going to do keg stands with him on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday also. When you're not putting the expectations of someone through the filter of this is my husband, you're not going to get hurt as much and you're going to filter through them faster because the process of finding the one is eliminating the ones that aren't the one faster. This is a really truly practical and obvious tip, but women just don't do it. Look at your daily routine. Analyze it like a diary. Finding someone isn't a job that you're going on.

But notice all the sitcoms where they meet guys, sex in the city, whatever it might be, they're out and about and they're doing things. If you go home, go to the gym, go to work, and that is your routine and you're on your, you know, healthy girl journey, you're living your life, you're about that, baby, you're not going to meet anybody. You have to just get busy. I know it's annoying. I know it's almost like a job, but you have to get busy in putting yourself in surroundings of new people. They could be male or female because females know men. You need to, I don't know, go find a new dentist. He might be a man.

By the way, that doesn't mean you're going to date that and date. dentist. That doesn't mean you're going to date that greengrocer. That doesn't mean you're going to date these men. You get a tennis coach. You join a club. When somebody says to you, should we do this after work, you say yes. You have to say yes. You have to get your physical self out there. You have to move, move with energy. The thing about speaking to, let's say, someone who's a male dentist, is a lot of women are trapped in their body almost of not understanding how to speak to men and be easy about it. The easier you are around men and their presence, the more practiced and easy you're going to be in talking to them. A lot of us didn't grow up with fathers or a good father relationship

or brothers or people around us. You need to get out more and have male presence around you. And I've said this before and I'll say it again. If somebody asks you out on a date, go. I don't care that he's not six foot three. I don't care, Samantha, that he's not six foot three and you want a tall guy with six figures and six pack and blah, blah, blah. You have to get out there. In a real life proximity, when I met my husband, he was working. He was doing, he wasn't doing medical school. He was finished, but he was doing his training and he was tired. He got invited to an event, which was at a nightclub. It wasn't a nightclub. It was just like an event space. And a movie was launching that I had worked on. His friend was dating a girl who was singing there.

My husband didn't want to go, but he went out because his friend forced him. He said, I haven't dated this girl for long. You've got to come with me, et cetera, et cetera. So he left, and that is where we met. Now, I'm not saying you should go to everything that you don't want to go to, but I am also kind of saying that if he did not pull himself out of bed, despite being tired, despite being this one, despite being that one, we would not be married almost 10 years.

I would have not met him. You have to widen your horizon of things that you do and say yes more often. Next, my love, is your image. Now, image is a thing we talk about a lot on this podcast, but in this specific time, we're going to talk about your image when you are trying to find the man that you want to be with. And there is two ways to go on this, okay? Way number one is to understand that you are going to feel like the best version of yourself. If you feel like the best version of yourself, I know when I feel like the best version of myself, when I am looking after myself in a certain way when I've got my certain habits. For me, it is just different. In the past, my hair used to be

so tiny before I had my son that I used to like to put in hair extensions because it's almost like you maximize your self-care to minimize it on the everyday basis. So I used to get a spray tan, hair extensions, and eyelashes done. Okay. So I always felt kind of put together, right? That might not be you. Now I've got so much hair on my head after my son. It'll probably fall out after I have my daughter, I don't know what's going to happen. God, please don't make it all fall out. But it is whatever is going to make you feel like the best version of yourself. I like having big hair. It makes me feel confident as in like long and voluptuous. If I've got to buy it and stick it in or if I've got to have it naturally, that's what I'm going to do. I like to have my nails done. The thing about it is you have to do

what is going to make you feel like the best version of yourself. And then the second way to go about is this. You have to do self-care. You have to put in that self-care. You have to look your best because you're presenting that to somebody. We can talk about, you know, men are going to like you for your personality till the cows come home, but I'm here to break something to you. Men are first attracted to how you look, and it should be that way. You want him to be attracted to how you look, because that whole sexual attraction is based on that.

The second part of the looking like you thing that I was going to mention is a very interesting one. If you're a confident woman and you're confident in your image, i.e. you like to have blue nails or you're a hippie chick or you're a vamp with long red nails and that's your look, go with that, lean into that because you're going to find a man who likes you for you. However, if you're a girl whose image isn't so important as in like a fashion style, a way that you present yourself, and I've been on both sides of that spectrum when I was younger. I had a very defined image.

Now I'm more about healthy skin, healthy hair and just presenting myself well. I'm going to implore to you to not try and develop some random style. but to pair it down, clean hair, clean skin, clean nails, like nude nails, just a clean vibe, because that's going to actually present your true authentic face and body to the person that you are going to attract. And there is nothing more attractive than the authentic, real human version of you. There is no makeup hack, there is no trick, there is nothing. It's just pared down basics. So unless you're that girl who, no, no, no, no, I.

I need to have my hair red and I'm having red nails and I love my lips in a certain way, then you do you because you're going to carry that confidently. But if you don't have anyone in your life and you want to meet that man that you want to be with, just forget about this whole image thing. Just be the clean best version. When I say clean, I just mean hygienic, okay? Just look, that's what men like. That's what we're talking about.

That's what all human beings like as in like, look after yourself, have a shower. It's good. That's the version of yourself you need to present forward. and those things that make you feel confident, this is when you need to do them. I don't want to hear about no time. I don't want to hear about this. This is your job right now. You want to find somebody?

Cool. Let's put your best version of yourself forward. Bring your true authentic look forward and he will choose you for that, for the authentic you as opposed to something that you've manufactured. It's best to present you as yourself because one day the Legos of that image will fall anyway. So that's the next point. The next point is there is a time for mystery. I'm an advocate for mystery.

Mystery as in like one time you're hot, next time you're cold. And I know this is very controversial and a little bit toxic, but I mean it in the most long-term relationship conducive way, as in like if you're always texting him all the time, sending him a photo of your, I don't know, your nail that you chipped and then the cereal that you poured and then your mom's phone text message. Then the next day it's time to pull back and get on with your own thing. So I am an advocate for, you know, push and pull when it comes to

relationships. But when you're looking for someone to date, you know that annoying thing that men say that makes me just want to punch someone or myself in the face when you're walking past and they go, smile. Smiling suits you. Why don't you smile more? They say it on social media too. It's the most infuriating thing. The reason they say it and they shouldn't say it, but the reason they say it is because a smile and a woman predisposes the man into understanding that she is opening the gates of conversation of saying he is worthy of of entering her space to him. So these random men who yell at you, why don't you smile, love, or whatever it is that they are yelling to you, the reason that they're doing that is because actually they're saying to you, I would like to have the opening in order to

come into your space and talk to you, but they can't because they're not your type and that's weird. So go away. But now we get back to the men we actually wanted our lives. The hot men we want to date and marry, cool. We're looking at them. They are usually not going to yell love. Why don't you smile and all that stuff or smiling suits you, you look cute when you smile, because they're not crazy, they're not going to do that. But the reality stands the same. People talk about the fact that men should approach women and I agree, but I think that women give the opener. If you're out, you need to see a guy that you like and you need to make eye contact with him for a little bit longer than usually would. He need to smile at him. You need to have an open face expression. If you have a

serious, scowling facial expression, men will not approach you. And it's just the way it is. It's not fair. Blah, blah, blah. You can write it to me and my DMs. I get it. But the more open of a facial expression you have, even if you're not smiling, create eye contact for just a little bit longer, have an open face expression because whatever it is that you program on your face allows people to either come in and talk to you or pushes them away. If you have a very serious face expression, you're going to have less people come in your space and talk to you. And trust me, I know, because when I don't want to talk to anybody, the face that I can have, the resting bitch face that I can have, listen, people can't even get through it. So if you want to meet someone

and you're out and about, you have to have that predisposition of openness. Also, men love happy women. Very annoying, but it's true. But don't take it in the bad way that it sounds. If you can make yourself happy and it is your job in this life to make yourself happy, not someone else's job. I will talk about this till the cows come home. It is your job to make yourself happy. He's a cherry on the cake. Men love a happy woman because there is an algorithm of how to make you happy. If you're always surly, if you're always upset, if you're always down, you are going to push away people who think that there is no approach to you and nothing good happening. It is like a magnet when you radiate positive feminine energy.

A note on approaching men when you're out in the setting where, you know, I told you make eye contact with them. The thing about it is, if you have an open facial expression and you can clearly see that you are somebody who is happy and easy to be approached, men will approach you. But one type of man, the man who is shy, he's scared of rejection, probably the type of guy that you probably would want because that's the guy who, isn't going to be hitting on other women once he's with you. So with that type of guy, there is one solution. You need to ask him for help, advice, something like that. Because it does

one of two things. It allows him to show himself in the best capacity. And if he's not interested in you, you don't walk away hurt. You're not asking for his number. You're not the initiator. You're not doing any of that. You can ask him for help as in like, I'm so sorry, could you just watch my jacket while I get my drink? Or I'm so sorry, could you just hold this while I take my drinks to my friends. Or if you're out somewhere, even if he's on Instagram and you see that he knows a lot about, I don't know, cooking, he's a chef. You could be like, this is actually a real story. I heard from somebody that she said, oh, but how does it differ if you put chicken in the salad or something else? As the cooking time differ? Just ask him a question in his area of expertise.

That opens up the field to the man who is a little bit shy, but do not initiate any process with it, just ask him a question, ask him for help. That is the way to approach men because men love to be competent. And that is it. Also, a lot of us have concepts about the type of guy we want to date, yet we go to completely opposite places. The next step in finding the person you want to be with is understanding, honey, if you want a rock climber, you need to join some rock climbing associations, clubs, whatever it is. If you want a sporty guy, if you want a guy who volunteers with animals, guess what you've got to do? Guess, guess. Yep, answer in the back, volunteer with animals. That's right, Melissa. That's right. That's what you got to do. If you want a doctor, you've got to,

for example, or somebody who works in something, be around that association, become a receptionist at that hospital if you want to, if you have that much time, if you want to do that. But seriously, if you're not a career woman and you don't really mind what you do, but you're set on dating someone in the medical field, why don't you work there in the reception? You are going to meet those people there. If you want to date a doctor who's athletic and doesn't drink, then why are you hanging out at the bar? Why are you hanging out at the bar, Sarah? Because that's not where he's going to be. And then you're saying, you're meeting these guys who are not worthy of you and don't suit you, but you've got to think about it logically. And don't go into it

like you're hunting somebody. But the reality is you're going to be around those people. If you like to hike, guess what? You've got to start hiking and then ask that guy that question about which way is something, something. You see that guy? You're in the gym. It's really discouraged for guys to talk to women in the gym. So he's not going to talk to you. You're going to have to talk to him. Excuse me. Is this 20 kilos or is this 10 kilos? No, I'm kidding. Don't ask a stupid question like that. But ask a question. You have to be around where you want to associate. And this goes not just for men. This goes for your lifestyle and everything in general. If you want to date a guy who's Silicon Valley IT kind of guy, he's not going to be out. He's not going to be out. He's not going to be out.

a lot. He's not going to be in the gym. He's going to be working. He's going to be editing. That's the only type of guy. I would say you should meet on an app. I'm not a fan of dating apps. It doesn't work for me. I like synergy and energy and I don't, people just are not real there. But the only type of guy that I would meet on an app is somebody who's computer based and is nerdy. If nerd is your type of guy, then he probably might be on an app because that's the only way he would ever even think of being with women. So you've really got to filter it. If he's a Chad looking guy, if he's, you know, got a six-pack and he's on an app, I don't know, I would miss it. But it's up to you.

You have to surround yourself with the type of people that you want to date and not just randomly, randomly think that he's going to fall into your lap while you're at home watching, you know, some rendition of a cooking show. It's not going to happen. Be real. Next is you've really got to not get hung up on the fact that you're not going to match with everybody. If you really want to be with the person you're meant to be with quotation marks, meant to be

with I don't exactly believe in that, but let's just go with it for the sake of this discussion. If you're going to go with that person your quotes meant to be with, how is it that you are going to be liked by everybody? You don't want to be liked by everybody. You have to have an ease in your movement and this is actually a fun time because if you get what you want, you're going to have a husband, you're going to have to build something with him. There is no fairy tale ending. There is no walking off into the sunset. There is no Disney here. Marriage takes work and you know what else takes work children my god baby right now you're dating right now it's fun right now you get to go for drinks with him and then do this with him and then do that one with him when shit gets real is when

you're actually married and you're having these children and it's real you know there is no room for errors oops sorry little johnny my son i was just you know i wasn't ready for kids no you've got to be on it and look motherhood to moms you don't always have to be on it you can let the ball go it doesn't matter but it just means a lot more enjoy this time You don't have to match perfectly with every single person you meet because it's unauthentic and unrealistic and just not real. How can you match with everybody? If you match with everybody, that means the person you actually match with.

You don't match with because it just defies the laws of science. If you're for everybody, then you're for nobody. You know what I mean? So while you're doing this, please enjoy yourself. Please enjoy the process of going out and doing this in your life right now. It's not going to be forever. find that person. Please don't get hung up on rejection. And by rejection, I just mean avoidance of the person that wasn't for you. That's the part you're missing. You think you're being rejected, but you're not.

You're avoiding the person that isn't for you. And that's a blessing. And that's okay. There has to be an ease to you about it. Next, when you are dating, it's very important you don't chase him. And I know we're living in a 2003 or whatever we're living in and everybody chases everybody, but I am telling you, The biggest problems I hear from women DMing me, writing to me, clients I've had is he's not chasing me anymore. He doesn't initiate enough. He doesn't initiate sexually. We've been married for a long time. The way to eliminate this is to find a man who is crazy about you. He's the one who should be coming forward. If you have cornered him and hunted him and chased him, and I've got episodes on this in my podcast, it's one of the first five about not chasing him. Please listen to it.

because the merits of not chasing him are very, very high. Men get very upset when they hear me say this because they're like, oh, everybody should put in the effort. Did I say effort though, Frank? Did I say effort? Or did I say chasing him? Because us women are really, really good at putting a band-aid over things that we don't see as a beneficial situation. So we'll fix it. We'll make ourselves pliable.

We'll bend ourselves backwards into fitting in the paradigm of what he wants from a relationship. And then he kind of waddles into it like a toddler. who doesn't know where he's going. And then bam, he's in a relationship with us because we've kind of cultivated it. We've herded him in like a cow in the cow shoot. And there he is. He's stuck in the end because you know what? Your cooking isn't so bad and you're kind of sleeping with him and you're making up all the dates and you're kind of cute. So you're not his dream girl, but you'll do for now. The thing that you cannot do if you want that long term love and relationship slash husband is try and herd a man into a relationship with you. If he's not reaching out, if he's not

calling, let it go. Let that energy come off you easily. You do not need to write him a soliloquy because you think by writing him a message of how you won't be treated and how you deserve to be messaged every day and how you're a queen, blah, blah, is going to get your respect. It's not. A pick me girl is somebody who does anything and says anything that a guy wants in order for him to pick her. Do you know what is very close to that and almost similar? A girl who writes hundreds of messages and paragraphs of messages saying why she won't be treated, that. way because at the end of the day, you're still looking for his approval, you're still looking for his approval, you're still looking for him to go, oh yes, let me just validate her.

And because she won't be treated this way. I need to treat her better. Hazar. No, he's not putting in that effort. Move away. Move away. Like nature, like water. When the water pours, you just drift off to the other side.

If he's not putting in that effort right now, please do not hurt him into a relationship because you will be writing to me asking why he's not into it. because even the best guy, men, I told you about this on other podcasts, need more space for their testosterone levels to rise. They need that space, yeah, most men. And if he's already not into you, he's going to be asking for a lot of space and you're going to be doing a lot of chasing. We don't want that.

Last but not least, eliminate red flags quickly. And I don't mean red flags like he likes his mom too much or something. I mean red flags like he's aggressive suddenly. He yells on the phone to somebody. He is mean to the waiter. He talks about red pill content and how 50-50 is a good way to go on the first date. And the reason I'm against 50-50 in this initiative process is when you are dating someone and you're both in college and you're both making ends meet cool, go 50-50, you're not looking for a husband. But if you're looking for a husband and marriage, it's not the time.

Having kids and all that stuff should be a time when he is, when he's dating you, showcasing the fact that he is willing to take care of you. There's no two ways about it. If he cannot buy your plate of food, then he is not ready in his life. And that's absolutely fine, by the way. There's no judgment about it. Maybe he's just dating to date. And if you're also just dating to date and you just want to hook up, cool. You two can go together.

But if you're dating to find a husband and probably have kids with him and you want to dedicate your life to that. And I don't mean dedicate as in like you're never going to work again. But as in if one of you's got to take time off work, it's going to be you because he's got, you know, he's still got to keep working. then you've got to know that he can and wants to provide for you. So when you're seeing these things, if he is love bombing you, saying, oh, my God, I want to marry you one day in.

If he is talking about, you know, oh, 50, 50, let's go. No. If he's doing all these things, if he's aggressive, just eliminate those things quickly. It's not his fault. It's not bad, but it's not for you. My love, thank you so much for listening to this podcast. I hope you enjoyed this one. This one's for the dating ladies.

And thank you so much for everybody who leaves me a five-star review. It helps this podcast grow. And when it grows, I am very excited to tell you that soon I'm going to be doing some very exciting things. We will be having guests. We will be having more solos. We will just be amplifying it and growing it and doing really, really exciting things. So thanks for lending me your ear.

You mean the world to me. And I'll see you on the next one. Love you last. Jutts. Bye. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.