BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 26: STOP Mothering Him & Changing For Him. 8 Things You Should Never Do For A Man.

Episode Date: September 18, 2023

In this episode I talk about the 8 things you should never do for a man, especially if that man is your boyfriend and not your husband. Some will ruin your relationship and others will ruin you as a person as well as your feminine energy.LINKS:20 feminine energy principles: https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesalesPolarity MasterClass (20 secrets to long lasting attraction & love) : https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/polarity-masterclassAmazon book list:https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenkoBecome Magnetic (Free Ebook): https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/Email me: [e-mail] note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Hello, hello, hello, my gorgeous human. Thank you so much for jumping on to listen to this podcast today, Being Her. I'm Marguerite Nazarenko. Let's discuss the things that you should not be doing for your man. And there is many layers to this. There is the layer of mothering that is going to absolutely destroy your relationship because he is not a surrogate son to you, I know.

news. It is breaking news. He is not an orphan child who you have decided to re-home. He is already someone else's son who has been raised or one should hope so in whatever way that was and it's not your duty to do so. But this episode is going to be more so about what you should not do for your man in a relationship. And it's very, very important to discuss both the mothering piece and the pick me girl piece. These are both. Well, the mothering piece is very much something I like to talk about whilst the pick me piece is very much something that is talked about in modern culture and modern conversation that basically the pick me is a girl who will do anything and say anything just for the guy to pick her and I suppose point number one would address exactly this what you do

not owe in a relationship for your man is to change the fibre the innate fiber of your being if you are someone a cloth made of wool, then you remain wool, and if you're silk, you remain silk. And there is a piece here that needs to be discussed in terms of how much should one change. Your relationship is about compromise, isn't it? After all, ladies, I suppose it is, but it is not a compromise as a deficit to your actual intricate beingness, because you will deplete into nothingness. However, also from the other point of view, one might say isn't the coming together of two people something that facilitates the two of you ironing out, the parts of you that are less desirable, as it were,

isn't the conglomerate of the two of you coming together designed to create something better? And I suppose it is, but this is how I would break it down. A lot of men have preferences which they haven't thought through, which they don't adhere to and which they don't really believe in. some men will have random fascinations with, I don't know, high heels or something or feet or something random. It doesn't mean that you need to become a high heel foot model. That's not what it means. They chose you. You need to be you. Like I said before, and I'll say it again, if you make the best blueberry pie and he likes apple pie, but he chose you, then stop competing and trying to make a mediocre

apple pie or trying to be the best apple pie maker. You need to keep going. with that good blueberry pie that you make because that is your magic. That is the layers of what makes you you. You cannot meet someone and then he decides he likes you in a dress, then he likes you in a sundress, then he likes you in heels, but he kind of likes redheads, and he likes girls with a bigger nose, and you've got a tiny one, so you kind of need to go and get some plastic surgery. And you've got full lips, but he likes small ones too, so go make those smaller,

and he likes a big butt and yours is flat. I mean, what do you choose you for? Your personality? Fantastic. But we all know that's not how men choose. So if you find a man and he's trying to change the actual fibrinness of who you are that is not the man for you, straight away, no. No, thank you. I don't need advice on that. You need to rebound him up boundaries in place because it's one of two things. He genuinely wants to change you, in which case that's not the man for you. Or he's trying to press his ideas and identity onto you, in which case you want to push back anyway. We don't like that kind of guy, but if you might, must be with that kind of guy, then you must be a strong woman to push back and say, no, thanks. You can't make someone get tattoos or get their tattoos removed. The person's got to be themselves. Now, let's not cross the line, okay? If you are always walking around with your mask on, you know, your face mask on and you wear something ridiculous, like, I don't know, you know, those headbands that girls wear when they're doing their skincare that have bunny ears on or something,

listen, you can't be too sensitive. That headband with ears on does not make the fibre of who you are. If you're with a long-term partner and he goes, babe, that's just, you know, you might ask him, don't I look here, babe? Like, you know, women like to do. And he's like, no, it's not my vibe. Change that up. Become more sophisticated. Like, don't wear that in front of him. Do that in the bathroom by yourself. You still want to hear what makes your partner seduced by you. You don't want to be completely deaf to the reality of what it is. And you, you don't want to be completely deaf. And you, You can be defiant, you can be like, I deserve to be who I want to be, and he can just go get lost. But the reality is, is that there is an art of seduction in life in general.

That's why we wear a suit to work. That's why we appear in certain ways in different places. And if you're always going to be defiant and adherent to the fact that you as yourself are the perfect version, then that is also deaf to the grind. You need to become somebody who is astute and aware, but at the same time will not change the fiber of who they are. Moving on, what we must never do for a man is block our feelings. I talk about this both on my 20 feminine energy principles masterclass and my polarity masterclass. Those are the two masterclasses on my website, www.magiratesonazarenko.com. Check those out. Feminine energy is about how to stay in your feminine energy and win at life. And polarity is about relationships and how to thrive in those and what

it means what men want, all that good stuff. Anyway, one of the points that I address that is contrary to popular belief is that one does not have to suppress their feelings. When you're in the feminine, you have to lead with your feminine energy, which means if you feel something, you say something. If you don't say something when you feel something, I don't mean stupidly, like you're in the middle of his family, Thanksgiving, and then you feel a little bit disrespected and you're like, excuse me.

No, that's not what I mean. I mean, use it with wisdom, but if you feel something, you say something. You have to lead with your feelings. You don't need to out logic a man. You just need to say how you feel. And in that, I mean, if you feel that him coming home at midnight is not conducive to your life, before you fly off the handle, because you've suppressed it so much, you've almost given yourself a hernia. You've got to say, hey, I see that you're doing that, but that's not how I feel to live my life.

It just doesn't feel good for me. You always lead with your feelings and not try and out logic him, outmaneuver him, out win or whatever he's saying, and give him an alternative. I'll be really happy if you only do that once a week or it's really not for me to live with someone who parties so much. Let it be known. Because what happens is the reason you fly off the handle and you feel irrational and crazy is because you suppress it for so long. And to truly be in your feminine, you have to lead with your feelings. You have an innate and incredible internal barometer of what is right for you and what is not right for you. And even if societally it is right that everybody goes out all the time, maybe for you it's wrong.

So you don't need to ask me and other people online who you look up to or you feel have the knowledge or you even like as friends in your life what they would do because it's what it feels right for you, baby. It's what feels right for you and you need to lead with that. and never suppress what you feel to do in life for a man. Point number three of what you should never do for a man in a relationship is have children before you're ready to. And by that, I mean it in a very simple term, we as women often take it as a compliment when a guy wants to have children with us because we think we've locked it down. It's secure.

It's all good. But the reality is, and I talked about this a lot, both on my TikTok and on my podcast, is that it's fine to date any kind of guy. Whatever you want, whatever your flavor is, date him. I don't care. But if you're starting to have a relationship where you're going to bring children into it, you need to understand that that person's got to show something for it. It cannot be a college 50-50 relationship because what you don't understand,

as romantic as it is that he wants to have children with you, the reality is the burden of biology is on you. It's not on him. So until he's proven himself that he can at least support you and himself, and I know it sounds harsh, oh my God, how could you say that? It's on all of us. It is what it is. Until he's proven that he's proven that he can.

He is ready for that kind of responsibility and it's a big one baby. It's a big responsibility. You cannot say yes to it because you think it's romantic. You are opening yourself up to the potential of you raising that child alone, potentially, look at the statistics, to you getting postnatal depression. Look at the statistics. It is on you. Biology, the harshness of biology when having children is on your side, as is the power of creation. You have that power to create life, which is,

wonderful. So don't take it as a romantic notion that, oh my God, he asked me to, you know, have kids with him. It's so romantic. No, baby. You really have to think twice before you take that as a compliment and make sure that it's not a 50-50 relationship, that he's not milking you for stuff, that he's really stepping up in his role as a provider in your life before you do that. You don't owe any man that. And if he comes to you with that whole, what do you bring to the table, 50-50 conversation, then he's looking for a business partner. He should go and he should find a business partner or marry another man, frankly, because he does not respect and he does not receive what it means to take on the biological burden of having children as a woman. He doesn't understand it.

It's not something you need to argue out of him. It's not something you need to argue about online. It's just something he doesn't understand. So just miss him. I'm going to tell you one virtue I have and one vice. Okay. A virtue I have is I am like. Marie Kondo. Now, I am not clean, but I love organizing. If you don't belong in my house, you're getting thrown in the bin. If I don't want you, you're gone. I don't like things cluttering up my space, my headspace, my life. You are gone. My vice, however, is subscribing to random apps so that my son can watch a thing so he can download a game and I love, you know, a little bit of reality TV and I subscribe to watch this, I subscribe to watch that. And then

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Rocketmoney.com slash being her. Thing number four. that you should never do for a man in a relationship, a boyfriend is rescue him financially for two reasons. You're not poor patrol. You're not here to rescue everybody. That's not your role. You're going to kick yourself out of your feminine energy

very fast if you think you can save every Tom Dick and Harry. That is not what you're going to do. If he's coming to you and he wants financial help or he wants you to take out a loan or he wants to build with you together, come on, babe, we can do it, we can do it. Listen, one of two things. Either he's going to use you and we don't need that. We have limited energy as women.

We have limited feminine energy and we cannot be depleting it on these random people who are not even our husband. Or the other direction of it is the fact that even if he is a really good guy and he's come to you and he's all, oh, I don't know what to do. I don't know whether to take this job, but that job would stop trying to help him. You are not going to raise his masculine energy in him and create a man who really feels good about himself in your. your company. If you come with your mothering and rescuing energy, you are going to kick him straight out of his masculine energy. And even if your advice is great, you're going to land on your ass. That's not what you want. Let him figure it out. Let him sort it out. You're not his mummy. It's fine. He can do it. I'll say it again. You need to show the biggest thing I would say about relationship is you need to

show that you have trust and faith in what your man is doing. If you don't have trust and faith in what he's doing. He will not be able to see you in that favorable light that you want to be seen in, and he will not reach the epitome and the top of his success. It just won't happen. So when these opportunities for you to go, babe, I believe in you, you can do this. Come up. Instead of trying to rescue him, mother him and pick everything up quickly, quick, quick, like a chicken running around after her egg. He needs to let it go. I need to communicate to him. I believe in you. You can do it. because if he's just trying to use you, he will fall by the wayside. And if he is a man who's going to be in your life,

you're telling him you can step up to the level that you're meant to be in, and I believe in you. And that's also a good thing. Also, a big factor of feminine energy is boundaries and protectiveness of yourself and your inner world. As a woman, you have to protect yourself. You cannot be saving everybody. You're going to end up depleted.

You're going to end up angry. You're going to end up hurt. I've seen women who have given them their lives. to saving other people, to doing the right thing, to modally coddling everyone, and they look 10 years older than they are, no matter how much they exercise, no matter what skincare they use, they look so depleted and exhausted because they don't have that life force and that energy that women are designed to have. You need to be protective of it.

So when someone comes along and they're like, oh, please help me, B, B, B, you need to know that by doing that all the time, yes, help your family, help your husband, help the people that are in your circle. but if you're dating some guy, or even for two years, he's just some guy, he's not your husband yet, or even with your husband, you have to be very, very careful who you keep giving out to. You owe it to your children to give to them, but that's about it. Be very, very careful and cautious. Thing number five or six, I don't know where we're out, but the next thing you need to never

do for a man is dissolve, like sugar in the water that is him. For two reasons. Number one, because it's a bad thing to do. It's a bad idea. It loses your own personal boundaries, your own personal ideas, your impersonality, your own personhood gets lost in somebody else. But thing number two is he will lose attraction for you. It often happens.

And baby, I don't blame you. To dissolve into our man's world, me and you, we can talk honestly, right, is secretly quite pleasurable. It's, we are always on as women. We're like a rabbit in the field. Always on. Where's the fox? Where's this?

Where's that quick, quick run. Get a job. Should we have kids? Should we not have kids? Menopause. What? Who? Period. When does that start? Blah, blah. What design do I want for my house? Like everything. Everything is always on top of it. And we're running around like these crazy rabbits. And when someone comes in our life and he's like, these are my friends. This is what I like to do. And there is a calmness to masculine energy. It's so nice to give into it. For example, that meme that's going around. My favorite thing about being married is that I don't have to think about where I'm going, what I'm ordering, bring my wallet or do anything. I can just get to toddle around and have my handheld. It's a genuine feminine.

urge to just not think. You know why? Because we're always on. I've said it before and I've said it again, my favorite phrase for this podcast, is that men cannot think about something whilst women can think about it either badly or well, as in like Jerry. I like Jerry. I like Jerry. Men can just not think about Jerry. Men can go and do their work or play golf or concentrate on something else and not think about him. We use so much brain bandwidth. It's insane. So it's so nice to sometimes relent and just not think about anything. And that's what ends up happening. I've done it before, but it is a mistake. And I have to battle myself in doing it when I'm with a partner and they like to do certain hobbies and they like to do their certain thing and they like to do the certain food and they like to do

whatever it is. And I'm like, sure, babe, sure, babe, sure babe, sure babe. But you're going to lose yourself. And the worst part of it is you are going to become less interesting to him. Flip reverse it. Do you want to be with the sure babe guy? You don't because there's nothing to love. what a mirror of yourself. The only person who actually want to be with a shore babe guy or girl is a narcissist because all they do is reflect you as being the best. And yeah, let's do that. Let's do this.

And as much as it pains you to have to, you know, push against it or have any kind of, you know, to maintain your identity almost. You almost want to relax. You have to. You have to keep doing what is right for you. And you have to overpower yourself when he's like, I feel like sushi and you don't feel like it. But you kind of don't.

mind because it's not a big deal to be like, no, I want Mexican. You have to for the sake of your relationship. I also have to remind you of this vital truth, the truth of the universe. The more you put into yourself, the more value you have universally. You heard what I said? The more you put into yourself, the more value you have universally. And by put in, I don't mean narcissistic thoughts about yourself. No, I mean energetically, learning, reading, going out of your way to make yourself better, doing the things you need to do for yourself, for growth, you have more human potential and value for the people in your life. Why? Because even for your children, you're going to have more value. You're going to have more to say. You're going to be more dynamic.

You're going to be more incredible as a person, more energetic, just interesting. So when you're doing things for yourself and not melting in the waters that is him, remember that you're doing it for him, for you and for everybody because you are the fountainhead that everybody in your life is going to take energy from. That's the feminine role. Lastly, but not leastly, my love, I would implore you not to mother him. It's something that gets very confused when it comes to nurture versus mothering. And again, I go really into detail about this on my masterclass, the polarity master class, which is about the men and women dynamic. But you might be a lot of the men and women dynamic. But you may, must not, I implore you, mother him. And the difference is that mothering is a masculine energy,

which is, because masculine energy, remember, masculine doesn't mean man and women, feminine doesn't mean woman. It means the energy types, the ying and the yin energy, right? So mothering is a very masculine energy despite it being a mother. Because you need to take directions over your kids. You need to direct them somewhere, push them into the right thing to do. Don't do this, Timmy, but do that Timmy, Jessica, put that down, etc. Even sometimes, if you are a permissive parent, that's fine, but you have to take charge and you have to take note as a mother of what you're doing next. That is your role of leadership. So when you're trying to do that to a man and you're trying to bend him and succumb him into the role of your child, which is so natural

because, to be honest, there is something about having a man in your life and he, a lot of them are just chaotic, baby. You know, you know what it feels like. They're chaotic. they're just doing their own thing and you just want to be like, what are you doing? Don't put that there. Don't put this here because it gives us anxiety, okay? But you have to let them be themselves. I talk about this in my masterclass. You have to, that freedom piece is really difficult for us to process.

But men give us freedom. And if they don't, in a relationship, I mean, we suss it out straight away. We're like, oh, he's trying to control me. But for women, control is a big issue. Oh, I'm just telling him when to take his medication. Oh, I'm just telling him that eggs would be better for breakfast. It's a protein. Why are you telling him? You need to get pets or children to govern their lives if that is what you want to do.

I mean, not forever, but until those children are grown, you can do that, right? If he's a grown man, let him be a grown man. Let him live his life, Amanda. Let him live his life. You cannot mother him, and if anything, it's going to kill the sexual dynamic between you. Because if you're telling him to eat eggs because of his protein and then take his medication, it's going to kill any fiber of his testosterone and masculinity in his life. You are going to be become his mom. Now, nurturing is a different thing. Nurturing is, what would you like for dinner tonight? Oh, you love chicken? Okay, I'll make that for you. That is not mothering. That is, you would ask that to a friend. You're coming over, babe, do you want tacos? I know you like tacos. That's nurturing.

That's looking after someone. Or that mothering would be, I'll be, you had tacos already last week. Are you sure you want to eat, you know, processed food? Maybe I should make them at home. Are you sure you, listen, stop it, drop it. Don't do it. That is not something you have to do for a and those of you, I don't even think about this, but those of you who are out there cleaning the houses and laundry of men that are not your husbands, you can leave the conference right now. You can leave the room right now. Why are you looking after men who are not your husbands? It is absolutely a non-negotiable non-point. Why aren't you going to uni? Why aren't you growing in your career? Why aren't you deciding what you want to be? Why aren't you reading interesting

literature. Go to an art gallery for Christ's sake. Why are you doing his laundry? Advertising that you can be a good wife? That is not what makes a good wife. They invented the washing machine. It's okay. You don't have to go down to the river to wash his clothes. You don't need to show your prowess. Everybody who's got two brain cells can do that for somebody else. It just takes effort. So when men talk about, I want to see she can cook and clean, she can cook and clean. Relax. Gerald. She can do it. But she's not going to do it for you because you're not the husband. And that's that. And the last thing, and I will say this, no husband treatment for boyfriends, no husband level forgiveness, no husband level moving countries, no husband level leaving jobs, no husband level having children. I will say this

till the cows come home and I'm blue in the face. Stop doing husband treatment for boyfriends. And people take it down to the minutia like, what, I can't even make a picnic, Margarita. I like, I like. making picnics, make your goddamn picnic. It's not what I mean. What I mean is when my boyfriend asked me to move to Australia in order to live with him and he was my boyfriend, I said that sounds fabulous, baby, but what is the future? I'm sorry, I can't need my job and do that for you. Next thing we know, he proposed because I would move my whole life for a husband. I would move mountains for a husband, but I'm not going to do that for a boyfriend. Because if he's not made up his mind, you're the one, then let him make up his mind and then you'll move mountains.

Anyway, my loves, thank you so much for listening to this episode. I'm really glad to have been lent your ear. Thank you so much for checking out my Amazon book list, my masterclasses, my TikTok, my YouTube, all of the things I put in a lot of effort for you. And I'm glad that you see it. Thanks for the five-star reviews and I'll see you on the next one. I love you lots like jelly tots. Bye.

that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.