BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 27: How To Get Your Ex Back. Listener Beware.

Episode Date: September 25, 2023

So you want your ex back? I am not going to condone or recommend this BUT I can tell you how to do it. Listner beware and use at your own discretion.LINKS:20 feminine energy principles: https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesalesPolarity MasterClass (20 secrets to long lasting attraction & love) : https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/polarity-masterclassAmazon book list:https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenkoBecome Magnetic (Free Ebook): https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/Email me: [e-mail] to www.hellofresh.com/50beingher and use code 50beingher for 50% off plus 15% off the next two monthsGo to www.rocketmoney.com/beingher stop wasting money and cancel your unwanted subscriptionsProduced by Dear Media Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to Being Her. I'm Marguerite de Nazarenko. And we're going to talk all things, womanhood, feminine energy, all that, all that juicy stuff. And this one, guys, you forced me. You forced me because you keep DMing me this question. So we're going to take a deep dive into how to get back with your ex.

Mm-hmm. I said it. I said it. I said what I said. And now listen, the first disclaimer of this is I am not recommending that one should get back with their X. I am not going to comment on whether it is a successful strategy. I'm not going to comment on whether it is a good idea. I am simply going to act like somebody who you have come to my store and you want to buy something in it.

And I may or may not like that thing. You won't know. But I am just going to tell you what the best way to buy it is, how to achieve. achieve it and how to wear it. Okay? So I am just going to give you my recommendation on the fact that if you do want to get back with someone you used to be with, you have love for them, you have decided and seen that you are wrong and breaking up with them, even if that person is the one that hurt you. Because from the DMs I receive from you babies, it is usually the person who's hurt you, but now he's changing his mind and he's asked this and he's asked that, but you want to get

them back all. And this is the one I truly care about. People who have children with somebody, people who have children with somebody and they are wanting to get back with that person, I will always advocate for you because those precious, silly, holy creatures that we have are worth it. And if you want to try again, I am here to give you the script on how to try and do it. The thing that you need to remember when getting back with somebody, if you've realized your mistake, they've realized their mistake, is the fact that you that if you don't observe the rule of space and moving away from each other, you will ruin something that could have been a good thing. You will just annihilate it. So the first rule in getting back

with an ex, if you choose to do so, is the rule of distance. Because of the reality that once you leave a relationship with somebody, you don't have the best taste in your mouth about that person. and distance makes you forget whether you like it or not if you've done childbirth, if you've been through things in your life, time makes you remember the better parts of what happened. So if you've decided to take on the challenge of getting back with an ex, the first thing you need to do is observe the rule of time. You cannot message them. You cannot check up on them.

You cannot ask how they're doing. You cannot write to them and say, hey, know that I'm always here. I'm always going to be your friend. you can always reach out to me. No, stop it. You are going to ruin something that potentially could have been a good thing. You have children together. You've got something together, which you want to preserve, not for me to judge. You do you. If you want that person back, it's going to be that rule of distance, especially if you're the female and he's the male, you're the feminine, he's the masculine, he needs to come to you. He might have a bad taste in his mouth about how you acted, how neurotic

you were, how crazy you acted. And I'm not here to say that women act crazy or anything like that. I'm not here to say that it's you who's done anything wrong. But if you want to approach that relationship again, you're going to have to come to him in the right light. And that way is for it to be like men in black, beep, beep, he's forgotten everything that's happened. And the way to do that is for you not to reach out. If you guys have broken up, you are not reaching out. You're waiting for the magic of time to make him reach out to you. And unless you are a complete disaster and he just never wants to see or hear from again, which could happen, which you've got to respect because that is a boundary, he will reach out. Because he will start getting the memories of when you were funny, when you were cute, when something

happened, he's going to want to know how your grandma's doing for some reason. He's going to want to know all those things. And this is where part two comes in. You have to adhere with the fact that you have to not reply. Oh my God, I love you. I'm so glad you reached out. Oh my God. how are you? How have you been? I've missed you so much. You cannot reply any of those things.

The best thing to reply when he's just like, hi, just checking how you were, is either nothing or a mundane message like, I'm fine. Thanks for asking. You have to be neutral until he comes to you fully with the realization that he wants to try again and it's got to come from him. If he asks you to meet up, if he asks you to hash things over, he is. is doing it in order to look at you again, see that you've come running as soon as he's clicked his fingers and see that neurotic behavior is repeating in you again. And in order to just see that he's got a link to you,

see that he's got a tie to you. Maybe he's gone on a few dates. Maybe he's realized he's not the eligible bachelor he thought he was. But the worst thing you can do when he writes to you that message, hey, maybe we should link up, go for a coffee, go for a drink, see how each other is doing, is say, hi, I would love to. But right now I'm just in the person.

process of healing over everything. So maybe later or another time. You need to be cordial. You can be nice. Ignore him if you want, but you cannot run to that date because you are going to go back in the same frame as the same girl that he broke up with. And you cannot be the girl that he broke up with because girls who are valued do not get broken up with. And I'm not meaning to say that now you've got no value, but you need to reframe the reality of who you are in his brain. And the only way to do that is to create that distance. Until he comes, finds you, or writes to you or says to you, I have made a mistake, I want to do this again. And if he truly does want that from you, you need to get to that stage, then you can see him and then you can speak to him again. But we're not going to do these

takes, these backsies, these talking, and he's going to see you in the same light, and it would have broken everything down. The danger in meeting up with him when he's just doing the check-in, the check-in, am I still sure that I wanted to drop her? Am I still sure that I'm not sure? Am I still sure? Am I still sure? Is that you will come to that meeting and he will give you one of the, I've canceled. He's going to cancel on you because he's seen that you've come running back. And that's what he wanted.

He wanted to be soothed by the knowledge of your presence, by the knowledge that you are willing to run when he clicks his fingers. Or number two, you're going to arrive on there. And he's going to say, wow, you're such a great girl. I'm feeling really great about you. And, you know, we can be friends. Reach out to me. Sorry.

Sorry. Disgusting. I don't want to be your friend. Number one, why, how are we going to be friends? When I move on and marry Dave, you're going to be my friend? My ex, who's now my friend? What is the purpose of you? We couldn't make it as a relationship.

So now you're going to be my friend. I don't have enough friends. What's happening here? It's just for him to touch base to see that you are still accessible and available and that the mistake has been made. You really need to make that person know that there is no friendship, there is no check-ins, there is no comfort. Don't soothe his soul with the idea that he can just reach out to you.

You don't need to be cruel. You don't need to be mean, but you don't need to soothe him. This is the secret. As a high-value human being slash woman, weird turn of phrase, but that's what they use and that's what they like to use on the internet. So let's go with it. As a high-value woman, you need to be more afraid of looking like somebody who's going to run at the click of someone's fingers back into their life than somebody who is hurtful or ruthless

or narcissistic or whatever word people want to throw at you, you need to be less worried about that. I'm more worried about looking like you have no dignity in the whole situation because I'm sure in the breakup you didn't always act dignified. And if you did, congratulations, I'm very proud of you. But right now is the turn for you to look after your value. It's almost like a fresh start, like a redo, a remake, that person cannot see you in the same way. And you need to be more worried about running when he clicks his fingers than you do about looking like you haven't replied. Because trust me, he wants it to work. He knows where you live. He will make it work. Trust me. Trust me. The Greeks sailed across oceans by Ellen of Troy, okay? Or not the Greeks. I can't remember.

The men, they sailed, okay? They did crazy things in order to get the woman. They want. And I know all the red pill men will be like women used to me worth it, but now they're not worth it. They love to do that to me on Instagram. I don't care what your thing is. Biology dictates that women decide what type of man they want. And right now, we need to collectively decide that more effort is required. And that is what you need to decide if you want to get back with this ex. Otherwise, it's a non-starter. So once he's done this reach out, poke, poke, how are you doing? You know, I'm always here for you. And you've replied with the no need to be here. for me, I'm great. Not that you replied those direct messages, but you've communicated to him that

he has space in your life or had space in your life as your partner, but he doesn't have space in your life as a friend, someone on the side, let's have a chat. He's going to start to reframe you in his mind. He's going to start thinking, oh my God, goddamn. She is somebody who I had access to because I was in the status of her boyfriend, but I didn't choose to propose, but I didn't choose to treat her right, but I chose to do ABC, D, D, FG. And now I'm I've got to reframe what I'm doing. You have to set a new standard of value, and he is going to start to approach you more.

It's contrary to what you believe. You think you've got to run back into his arms and go, yes, I also regret, da, da, da, but he's just going to see the old girl that he used to see. So now he's going to activate a little bit more of approach to you because he's seen that the only paradigm in which he can access you is via being in a relationship with you and you have value therefore. If you are an anxiously attached girlie,

if you're one of the ones who I know used to be like me, you need to work on this like your life depends on it because you used to be this stuck on him creature asking what he's doing on his phone, asking for every move, what's he doing, what's he this one, what's he that one, why don't you love me, why don't you this, why can't we spend more time together? And now this creature has completely reframed who she is

in the dynamic of the two of you and the relationship. You have now come out of it. this is your exercise, this is your opportunity, this is the universe or God or whoever you choose to believe in, giving you the opportunity to exercise that and to see how majestic and powerful that is to really exercise your boundaries and your power as a woman to say, do you know what, you don't have access to me unless you come correctly. And it's not in that arrogant way that you see people go online, like you better come correct, you better not come at all. No, no, no. It's an energetic vibration.

to let yourself know predominantly, and you will win in two ways. Listen, I am a Virgo, but I am a messy Virgo. I don't know if those exist, but when I'm in my workflow, nothing can interrupt me, but I am very organized. I don't like things cluttering up my life, my mood, my vibe. If you're here and I don't know about you, get away why you hear like I can deplutter, like the best of them. And when I first heard about Rocket Money on another podcast, I was like, this is genius.

There is nothing that annoys me more than subscriptions I have for myself because I like to binge watch some Real Housewives. And my son likes to subscribe to stuff. And then I am accumulating these cloisters of subscriptions that I don't need. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. You can literally click. And with that one click, delete any subscriptions you have. It finds them all and it just simplifies your life.

It's like a breath of fresh air, honestly. And I love, love, love, love this app. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and manage your money the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash being her. That's rocketmoney.com slash being her. rocketmoney.com slash being her. That's rocketmoney.com slash being her.

Rocketmoney.com slash being her. Anyone who has kids will understand that you also inherit with those children, the idea that you have to plan and plot meals consistently throughout your day. Literally every mom I know and every busy woman I know, even if you don't have kids, is always plotting about what's for dinner. And this is where HelloFresh comes in. this is something I've used for years and years and years, even before children, but now it's more handy than ever. It's got so many recipes, so many options. And my son is in this phase

right now where he likes to participate. And the thing about him participating in a meal that is planned, it's got the menu there, it's only got the food that you're actually going to cook, you don't have to go and shop for it. It is all condensed and practical and amazing. So we can literally get the little menu out. We can get out the food and I can read it and instruct him how to do it. It's a learning experience for him. It's a relaxing experience for me because I'm not in the shop trying to curate these meals. And also, let's say you've ordered three meals for the week.

I can show him the cards of the meals and be like, what do you want? We got the pasta, we got the meatballs, we got the steak. And that gets him really excited to choose one. There is so many options. I go with the kid friendly right now because that's where I'm trying to save my life with this whole process. But later on, I might go for the high protein option or the vegetarian is also really good. You can just spice up your life that way and just really diversify your menu, which I think is really important. So go to hellofresh.com slash 50 being her and use code 50 being her for 50% off and 15% off for the next two months.

and 50 is 5-0. So that is hellofresh.com slash 50 being her and use code 50 being her for 50% off, guys. It's America's number one meal kit for a reason. If he wants you back, which of course he should, but if he wants you back, you win in setting a new paradigm in the relationship. And if he doesn't, you would have got rid of a man who was never going to come and fight for you in the first place. And you don't need that. So this simping, ridiculous creature that you used to be has a new start. You're going to rise like the phoenix.

You've burned in the ashes and now you are different. This is the start of something else. Second and the most amazing thing about observing this dynamic in the relationship where you don't jump like a hungry dog for the bone of his attention, is that he now, apart from seeing you in a different light, he has now got the space that many men needed a relationship. and I talk about it in most of my episodes prior to this one, and that is men need more space than women classically

because women experience a really nice high hormonally when they are in a close proximity relationship, whilst men often feel depleted a little bit, and they need to go off and spike their testosterone. So I'm just speaking in a typical scenario of a relationship. That sticky creature who used to be stuck on him and just crazy about him, he is now seeing that there's no danger. and I know that might irk you the wrong way,

but if you want a relationship, a long-term relationship with a man, you've got to give him freedom and you've got to give him space. And if you don't trust him enough to give him freedom of space, then he's not the man for you because you cannot control a grown man and tell him how to live his life. So you've got to give him jurisdiction of his own freedom

and his own manhood and his own masculinity, so just let him be who he is. And if you've ruined the relationship with trying to control him, fear, anxiety and all these things, then right now he would have had the burden taken off his shoulders. So in you not jumping in the first meeting he wants to have and not jumping at the let's be friends proposal, you would have also taken off him the responsibility

of always being this, I don't know, this thing that needs to be leaned on by you. He's going to feel like, wow, she's the prize. She is finally the prize that I have to chase and that is going to promote him to reach out again. Next, we're going to end to phase two of the interactions. Instead of being, oh, how are you? You know that I'm always here.

We're going to enter phase two. He's going to think you're not replying to him or you are not wanting to meet up because he's not said the thing that's hurt you. He's going to come with something like, look, I know I was a bit cold in our relationship. I still want you to know I'm here for you or I want you to know I miss you

when you were the best thing that happened to me. He's going to come with one of those excuse type scenarios, but he's still not. not proposing a way to move forward, okay? He's going to come with an apologetic scenario. He's going to come with a scenario in which he has been acknowledging. He is acknowledging something that's gone wrong because that is human nature and it will happen. Trust me, this will happen. When you have not replied to the let's be friends, little hooks like that, he's going to sit down and be like, why is she not replying? What have I not merited? What have I not said that's got her to come and meet me?

So he's going to come with the excuses. He's going to come with the questions. He's going to come with that, oh, you know, I know you feel this type of way about how we ended, but for me, it was this that and the other thing. This is still not it. We're not having any forward action or masculine energy in his responses. The thing is, until he's come with a concrete plan of how you guys are going to move forward, this relationship's going to be a non-starter. You cannot reply to the, I'm here, I'm your friend. You cannot reply to the, you know, I know, I didn't treat you well, I didn't miss you. He needs to come with a plan, with a non-starter. He cannot reply to the, I'm here. He needs to I love you. I made a mistake and I want to try again. He needs to come with something that is going

to move you guys forward because if he doesn't come with it now, this relationship's a non-starter. Because right now he's in heightened emotions. When you break up, you start to memorize and see someone in the best light that you've ever seen them. You start to remember what used to have, how they used to be, what it used to be. And if he right now doesn't want to, you know, let's see you broke up because he wasn't proposing. Let's see you broke up because he wasn't acting correct and it was hurting your feelings. If right now he doesn't suggest that you're trying again and you want to start again and you want to move forward, then there should be nothing else. And don't mistake, and I know you've got that feminine guilt of like, oh, now he's going to be hurt because I'm not

replying very warmly or because I'm not replying at all, which is what I would suggest because you've already told him that you're not interested in meeting up to be friends. If that is not the case, then you don't need him. If you want to start a relationship with him again, he needs to come with that forward plan. So how to react when he's finally made a concrete proposal of moving forward and that he's made a mistake and he wants to be with you again. The last thing you want to do is jump on it and be like,

oh my God, this is exactly what I've been waiting for. This is really what I wanted. It's going to nullify everything that's happened before. This is an exercise, not only in your relationship, but for you to have worked on your value and your dignity and your own life as a woman? What have you been doing in the time that you've been waiting for him to come around?

How have you raised yourself as who you are? Have you fulfilled everything you want to do, your hobbies, your looks? Have you been going to that yoga class that you wanted to go to? Have you been doing whatever it is you want to do? Have you written that book? Have you done whatever it is you want to do?

And some people write in my DMs, but I don't have that many stuff I want to do. You better develop some. You've got one life. You can't just live it with nothing to live for. So once he has approached you and he said he's made a mistake and he loves you and wants to try again, you cannot jump on it like, oh my God, this is everything

you've been waiting for, you'll nullify the result. You need to finally reply, you need to finally be reachable, and you need to say that you will think about it, that you hear the proposal, and you will think about it, not that you agree, not that you disagree, but you need to maintain the idea and the reality, because you would have been doing it, you would have been working on yourself, you would have been creating the person you are, that you will now think about the proposal. And then you move on to the last stage. So last but not least, when you are at that stage where you have messaging back and you've said, yes, you're willing to meet him, yes, you're willing to discuss it. The thing that's going to make this relationship work is not the

fact that he has realized his mistake and he's come back and now the two of you are going to be working on something. The thing that's going to make this relationship different and the blessing in this whole situation is the fact that the time and the realization that you've had away from him and the merit that you have raised in yourself and your self-value and your self-worth is going to be the difference. I've made a podcast before in talking about boundaries and setting boundaries. It's episode three or four or something like that, but it is very, very vital in what you are going to do now because it's not the fact that he's decided he's wrong. It's not the fact that he's come back. That is a very natural thing that people go through. They decide that they want you back,

blah, blah, blah, et cetera. The thing that's the pivotal point in this whole exercise is the fact that now you've changed. If you have not changed, if you have not developed your self-worth and your value, if you now don't see yourself differently, if you're now not acting differently, it is going to be the same mess that it was last time. This opportunity of you not going for the let's be friends, message of you not going for that oh I kind of miss you message but you only settling for let's move forward I want to marry you I want to be with you message is the thing that's going to make the difference so now you need to illustrate that you need to almost have enough time to have worked on yourself to raise yourself value to understand who you now are and that is going to make the difference

so go back listen to the boundaries episode listen to the feminine energy episode listen to the first episode about harnessing feminine energy and go from there because you now need to appear as a whole different person. You cannot be that person who was dumped and left. You have to be a different person. Otherwise, it's not going to work. Anyway, guys, thank you for lending me your ear on this episode. Thank you for listening always. Everyone who leaves a five-star review is my best friend. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much. And I'll see you. I won't see you. I'll talk to you on the next one. Love you lots. Bye. paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a

direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.