BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 28. 5 Non Negotiable Rules To Being Her

Episode Date: October 2, 2023

Here we go! These are the 5 core, non negotiable rules when it comes to Being Her. The girl you always wanted to be! Magnetic, amazing and thriving. These rules will lead you to your suceess in life and relationships.LINKS:20 feminine energy principles: https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesalesPolarity MasterClass (20 secrets to long lasting attraction & love) : https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/polarity-masterclassAmazon book list:https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenkoBecome Magnetic (Free Ebook): https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/Email me: [e-mail] note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to Being Her with Marguerite and Azarenko. That is me, Marguerite and Azarenko. And on this podcast, we talk about all things, self-development, being her, that girl that you are aiming to become. Or perhaps you already are and you embody and this is just here to reinforce you. On this specific episode, we are going to be talking about the five, principles, the five rules of her, of this chick that we are talking about, of this person

that we are talking about, we are going to define them. These are the non-negotiables. I don't care how you swing that cat. These are the non-negotiables of being her. And I think if you have looked at my 20 Feminine Energy Principles Masterclass that you will find on my website, www. margueriteanazarenko.com or in the show notes, if you've done, that masterclass, it's nearly two hours of the principles of feminine energy. It might have some touchstones in common, but it's kind of different. These are the non-negotiables. These are the things that if you adhere by, you are definitely going to be on the right steps towards this embodiment of the type of woman that is going to lead you to be successful both in work, in relationships. When it

comes to relationships with yourself, with others, and therefore, all aspects of life. Let's start at the beginning with number one. The first thing you must understand, if you want to be her, is that you have to put yourself first. It's a really hard rule to adhere to, and that's why it's going to go first, because as soon as I say that, people in their minds get the idea of selfishness. I like to flip that on its head. I like to use words like selfish or self-obsessed or gold digger or whatever it is and make them our own

because all these things are just used in society in order to keep women in a certain parameter in life. Yes, we've broken the glass ceiling. Yes, we can do whatever we want to do. Yes, we can work wherever we want to work. But we still carry a lot of these symptoms of guilt and we still carry a lot of these symptoms of overperforming for other people's approval. It doesn't matter that we no longer have to rely on, say, a man to buy us a house or all these things, even though, hey, it would be nice if they did. I'm joking.

Their point being is that we no longer have those parameters around us, yet we are now putting parameters on ourselves. We're trying to prove ourselves to other people via work, by trying to achieve more, by trying to do more, by trying to do more instead of be more. your duty is to be more for yourself and the whole trap that you're going to fall into by not putting yourself first is a very feminine trap that is well known by all women we think that if we work harder and do more for others we will get the recognition and the praise that we desire we won't it won't happen. That's not how this universe or this world works. If someone masculine does a lot for his family,

it's reciprocated, it's admired, and it's seen as something incredible. We as a woman, if we put a lot into other people, we become depleted, we become old before our time. And I mean that by energetically, I don't mean you're going to get a few wrinkles and that's the end of the world. I mean energetically, you're going to become depleted and old. And you know what the harsh truth is? The The harsh truth is, is if you don't put into yourself and you all give to others and you've rubbed yourself down like an old soul of a shoe into nothingness and you've got no energy to give, your children and your husband and those around you are not even going to want to be around you, that's the harsh reality.

That when you are not a thriving feminine energy center who's given enough to herself in order to fulfill others, in order to overflow with energy, If you sacrificed yourself, if you've just given to others at the demise of yourself, you've built up bitterness, you've built up resentment, you've built up unhappiness, you've built up all these things in you, like this cesspool of mud, and you've become sick, old before you are time, tired, you've got all these illnesses that come out of nowhere because you've put yourself last constantly. The harsh reality is, and I hate to say this to you, is that nobody's going to be there. for you. And I don't mean that in a harsh way, like, oh, your children won't be there for you. Yeah,

they might be there for you. But as in, you're going to be useless to everybody. Nobody needs this crumbling old human around them who's suffering. Everyone wants their mother, their wife, or the person in their life to be the center of their joy and fulfillment. They want you to be happy. They don't want you to be this decrepit gollum under the staircase. They want you to be thriving. They want you to be inspiring and they want you to be amazing. So as much as you want and you have this feminine urge to give everything to everyone and you put yourself last and you're like, oh, I don't need that manicure. And as small as that sounds, yes, a manicure.

Oh, I don't need that. Oh, I don't need to sleep in. I'll just pick up the slack. I'll just get another job. He's working on his arts and crafts project right now. And yeah, I'm talking about your husband. He's just doing his thing. He's getting his startup ready.

He's doing his thing. I'll just take on the slack. No, there has to come a time where you say, no, I'm actually going to put myself first as uncomfortable as that feels, the more unnatural it feels, the more you should put yourself first. If it feels quite natural to you, you're probably fine. You're probably on the right path and maybe you should think about others. There's a very rare woman who is in that situation, honestly. It's very rare for women to genuinely have put themselves first, genuinely. It rarely happens. And when they do, somebody comes around and says, oh, you're selfish and they get kicked back into their

corner, like a little mouse that they are, and they keep giving to other people. But the reason I'm saying it this way, this harsh way and saying nobody's even going to need you if you deplete yourself into oblivion, is because I think that's the only way to get through to you. That's the only way to get through to women because they think that by giving, giving, giving, giving, by doing, doing, doing, doing, by being, doing, doing, doing, by being in that masculine energy, they're going to be useful to everyone and non-replaceable. Actually, no, you're going to be like an old, use up tissue. and then you're going to be replaceable and everyone's just going to be in your life because I guess, you know, you're their mom or something or you're their old wife, you're the good old shoe.

You're not going to glow with fabulous feminine energy. You're just going to be an old used up sock. So when you're thinking, oh no, I don't need that bubble bath. Oh, no, I don't need to sit down with my book. Oh, no, I'll just, I just won't ask him. I'll just do it myself. Think in the long run what you're doing. think in the long run what you are manifesting you are manifesting for your husband for your boyfriend

for your your husband and boyfriend at the same time imagine that for your children for everybody this ghost this shell of a human being why do they deserve that it's your duty you came into this world as yourself and you will leave this world as yourself your duty is only to you and who you present yourself to be in this lifetime and everybody around you deserves the best version of you, not a depleted old version of you. Another reason you should look after yourself and put yourself first is because you need to understand that as much as we are equal to men, we are not. We have childbirth. We have menopause. We have a cycle. We have all these things that mean that our body is not as rigorously primed in its natural hormone or cycle

to take on the strain that men take on. Why do you think old traditions, exist like if it's cold, he gives you the jacket. You right now probably go, no, no, no, thank you. I don't need your jacket. Take the damn jacket. Woman, take the damn jacket. He will warm up. He will be fine. But you will not be. You need to start looking after yourself with the rigor that you look after small children with. You need to understand that you just don't have these buckets of life force that you can just give away like a workhorse. You are not a workhorse. You are a exotic creature who needs care, like those lizards that live under the specific lamp of the right temperature, like those aquarium fish whose salt needs to be at a certain pH. You are special,

and you're a woman, and these cycles and times in your life mean that things get taken out of you. Right now, I can't breathe very well because I am almost seven months pregnant. Then I'll be damned. Those of you who have been pregnant and have had children and have done this, understand what a toll it takes on your body. And you're going to be out here doing 50-50 with men, trying to compete with them about, or who can do the same thing. I don't care if they can do the same thing.

I'd rather you do it for me, to be honest, because I'm already working over time with my pregnancy period of menopause. You know what I mean? Not that I'm having them all at the same time. That would be impossible, but we're already a creature that is different. You need to cherish yourself. You need to come correctly to yourself.

You need to have a little bit more care for yourself and stop caring about grown, men like their small children. The second rule to being her, being this woman that you're aiming to be, is get to know your feelings and really lean into them. It's been too long that we've been shamed for having emotions or you're such a girl, you've got emotions, you've got emotions. Yeah, I'm a girl, I've got emotions. So what? Sot off, joggon, I don't care. It is what it is. In fact, you need to not just know how you feel. You need to get in tune with your, Go on Google and look up a chart of different emotions.

It's not just sad and happy. There are so many different styles of emotions, and you need to lead with them. You need to stop trying to out-logic men and out-battle them in the field of logic when a man in your life hurt your feelings, because what he's done is hurt your feelings. And you need to lead with that.

You don't need to be ashamed with the fact that he's hurt your feelings. It might not always be logical. It might not always be correct in his mind, but that is how you feel. And that is what you need to lead with. Not only that, but you need to start to understand how you feel in this world, how you feel about yourself, and how you feel about different things that are going on with you. Because if you don't, you'll be very lost.

You need to be very in tune with yourself, with your intuition as a woman. You need to start getting accustomed to the phrases, I feel, and I want, and I would like. This whole notion of, honey, are you hungry? No, not really. okay and then she doesn't eat anything for the rest of the night. You're asking him if he's hungry because you're asking him how he feels, but without saying how you feel, we've been so indoctrinated and trained to not feel into our wants, to not feel into our feelings. And you know what the funniest thing is? Is that it pisses men off that we're not in tune with it. It annoys them. Say what you want,

say how you feel and move on with it. You write to me often, oh, what do I do if he's upset me and he's hurt my feelings and da-da-da-da-da say he's hurt you've hurt my feelings oh let's hang out I don't want to hang out with you you've hurt my feelings oh but it's not fair to punish him that's not a punishment to go out with him after he's hurt your feelings would be a punishment and an untruth to yourself you cannot be unauthentic you cannot be a liar to yourself so when I say if you're mad at him and he's hurt you be mad at him and hurt I mean it be authentic to your genuine feelings it is not punishment it's not putting him in his place. It is not nothing. If he's genuinely hurt you and you feel sour, hurt and pain in your soul,

why are you going to emulate a different personality traits? Why are you going to be the happy, go, lucky, cool girl? No, actually, you've hurt my feelings. I don't want to look at you right now. You've hurt me. Or what can I just make it up to you? I don't know. You're the one who hurt me. I didn't hurt myself. It is what it is. Project some stability behind your emotions. Instead of always wavering and not understanding, understand what hurts you and what doesn't. Give him the manuscript. If you overwater a cactus, it will die.

If you underwater another plant, it will die. You need to know your manual. You need to know who you are and your feelings. Please speak about your wishes. I want this. I'd like this. This makes me happy. That is the second rule of being her.

I used to be so confused about this when I was younger. In my 20s, I used to have boyfriends, or even with my husband now, I used to wish that he would do something for my birthday and every birthday would come and it would just be subpar. And I don't mean subpar in terms of like, oh, they didn't get me the most amazing bracelet and sparkly earrings, but they would forget or they wouldn't even write a card.

And I'm very much a person who's into communication, as you can tell, I'm talking on a podcast. I want your words expressed to me in a card, damn it. I want this. I want that, but I would never say it. I want you to plan. a dinner at a place I'd never been to because it would be a surprise for me and I would have known you would have thought about it. I want this, I want that, I want the other and I would wait for people to do it for me. By people I mean men. Women are very good at guessing what you want men

or not. And then there's birthday rolled around and I said, honey, I want that retro cake. If you go on to my Instagram, you'll see it. It's pink, it's fabulous. It's amazing. Buy it for me because you want that whole cake. I go, yeah. And I'd like a piece of jewelry. Which one? I go, I don't know. I'd like surprise. And I'd like to go to this dinner with our son. That's what I want. Look, and the key is not to get upset if he doesn't deliver those things, but practice voicing what you want. Because then, you can't be upset about it. And this is the first birthday, I kid you not, where I got everything I wanted. And it's not about that. It's not about material things. Let's twist it in another way. I want you to always give me a text goodnight.

It makes me feel really happy. Voice what you want. People don't always know. Get really comfortable with asking for what you want. Rule number three of being her, and I know I bang on about this, but it is a very important one, and that is boundaries, baby.

As I've said, you can go back to episode two or three or four when I talk about boundaries and how to set them. But if you do not have something you stand for, you will fall for anything, and you will not be a human being of substance. And being her is all about having substance to you and character. You will not be for everybody. But like in the rule of marketing,

if people are indifferent about you, then you're not selling anything. You've got to have some people love you and be okay with a lot of people hating you, and that's fine. You've got to be a little bit polarizing. So by first putting yourself first, knowing what you want, and then lastly setting boundaries, that's the third part, knowing what you will not do. If you are a very religious person,

and don't fall for people telling you you should this that or the other, you should move in with him before you're ready. Don't do that. If you're a very liberal person and he wants to get married, don't do that either. Have things that you will not succumb to. And guess what? The more you stand for, the more you will find the right person for you. Even when it comes to things sexually, I get these DMs a lot from women,

oh, he watches this type of born, or he wants to do this, or he likes to do this, and I don't know, and I'll succumb. A lot of times in youth, girls bend over backwards, literally speaking, in order to make the guy happy. And the sad part about it is he will easily replace you and that often happens. When people just simply go out of their way to please the person they're with, let's say you really don't want to lick his toes and he's telling you to look his toes and you do it anyway. And you think, oh, great, I've secured my man. Now I've secured him.

I can do all the freaky stuff. Watch me go. The reality of it is, you. you become replaceable because there is no limits to you. And I'm not saying to be a prude, whatever that means. And I'm not saying to pretend to have limitations. I'm saying genuinely find them and stand by them. And it doesn't have to be sexually.

If he's like, I want a meal cooked every night, but you're exhausted because you do everything else. No, I can't. Without an apology, not even I'm sorry. It's just not something I can do. Without those, even when I say it, I feel that feminine like need to justify, Never complain, never explain.

Let's tattoo that on our foreheads collectively. Never complain, never explain. Not on the forehead, actually, babe, if you want to tattoo it, maybe on the collarbone or something cute, okay? So never complain, never explain. You don't need to complain because you've overdone and you've worked too hard, and you don't need to explain. Always apologizing, no, I'm sorry, I can't do that.

You see, I've looked after your seven children all day, and now I can't cook you another meal. Stop it. Stop it. Enough. Have boundaries. Stand by them and set them like it's going out of business. You'll become more valuable. The fourth principle of being her, the fourth rule non-negotiable, is constant evolution and growth. I don't care if you call it a glow-up. I don't care if you call it evolution. I don't care if you call it what you call it. I don't care if you're a stay-at-home mom. I don't care if you

work to your jobs, you cannot ever stop evolving. People say, oh, if you'd be a stay-at-home, mum, he's going to find you boring. Why would he find you boring? You're going to find time to always self-educate. It's the same as saying, oh, he's going to find you so interesting because what you work in an accounting firm. Just because you work outside the home doesn't make you interesting. Just because you go to bougie socials all the time doesn't make you interesting. You've always got to be evolving. You've always got to be educating yourself. How many languages are you learning? What are you looking at at the moment? Are you learning about your emotions? Are you learning about psychology while you're listening to this podcast? I know you're my type of woman because you're

evolving. You can't be scared of, oh, I work too much, I'm boring. Oh, I stay at home. I'm boring. No, it's up to you to have your own personal evolution at heart. It's up to you to constantly become a new woman. And even in retaining a relationship and a man in your life, not that that is the purpose of everything but let's face it, having a partner and having them interested in you is a part of our biology and what we want. So I will tell you the honest truth is evolution, constant change and constant betterment of self, not to an obsessive degree, but you should always be learning, always striving, always learning to do something new and something better. I don't care if it's crocheting, baby, you've got to be doing something. You've got to be evolving. You've got to be a person

of substance. You've got to be someone interesting to talk to. This fear of if I'm a state of her mom, I'll fall out of the workforce. My love, you could have a master's degree behind your belt. You could be learning all the time. You could take an online university. You could join clubs. And I don't mean mothers groups where you sit around talking about your children. I mean things that you could tangibly use. You need to be constantly becoming a better version. And if you're not interested in that, and I get it. Not everyone is. are you bettering yourself physically? Are you working out?

Are you on that routine where you grow your hair super long? I don't know. What are you doing? Is your skincare game great? Are you constantly evolving and learning something new? You're not an amoeba.

You cannot afford to just float through life. I mean, you can, but don't come crying to me that, you know, everything is in disarray and you don't know what to do. Courses, masterclasses, things. You need to just be a sponge of information that is the rule to staying vital and young for the rest of your life, brain training. That is the key. Do you know everything about nutrition? Do you know everything about what you want to know about?

Learn it. The last fifth principle of being her is one that is going to take you time to learn, but that is not to force yourself to do anything that you don't want to do, that you hate. We're all different. We're all deeply, deeply different. And we all thrive. in different areas. And the best quote I heard about this is, if your kid is excelling in mathematics and failing in English, then get him a math tutor. Yeah, you heard me right, get him a math tutor

because he might be the best mathematician of his time. You don't want to be mediocre at everything. You want to be excellent at something and okay at everything else. And by this, I mean, me, I'm a great organizer. I love to organize. I love structure. I love building business.

I love communication. I love growing myself and my family. Do you know what I hate? Cleaning. Some people love cleaning. You know how I know? Because I go on TikTok and there's cleaning TikToks that are viral. Do you know what I hate?

Oh my God. Just cleaning. Constantly, it's always happening. So I choose to let it go in my life. I keep it tidy and I hire someone to clean. Even when it's actually a rule my mother taught me. Even when I, she was a single mom working. in her late 20s with me, I was at school, but, you know, I was still very young.

She took on another job in order to have somebody clean our house rather than do it herself because she fundamentally understood that if she could work more, then she wouldn't have to clean. But she is actually very excellent cleaning. I don't know why she did this. She's one of the best, most tidy house-proud princesses queens I've ever seen in my life. Like if she cleans, house, you wouldn't know what hit you. Like, you don't know. Your house has another layer of clean that you wouldn't even understand. So I don't know why she did that. She's very good at maintaining a home. I am a disaster. I'm one of those people who, to me, it looks clean and then someone will come and be like, oh, my God, I didn't even see that. I have a bit of a chaotic, overactive mind. I have big ideas.

I've got things I want to do. And so for me, I like to organize. If I organize something, girl, you wouldn't have seen anything better. But tidying is a different thing. There's different things I don't Like, you know, I really love cooking, though. I love cooking. To me, that's a pleasure. That's never a chore. I love it. I love the combination of food and making people happy.

You need to find what is not for you and eliminate it. And also stand proud in the things that you don't want to do and that is not for you. If you've decided you don't want to work in the workforce and you love to be a mum, really put your chest behind that. Really be proud of that. And I don't mean put other people down, but we're all different. We're like care bears. We're all different.

We're like the seven dwarfs. One is grumpy. One is sleepy. One is happy. We can't all be good at everything at the same time. If you're somebody who's decided not to have children and work and create this amazing career, be happy about that. Put your trust behind that.

Stop trying to appear as something you're not in this world. Good at everything. Always there. Always present. Good girl. I'm a good girl. Stop being a good girl. Be an excellent girl at one thing and let the other things go.

Delegate. If you've got an amazing academic mind, use it. If you want to be a homemaker, use it. Lean into your strengths and lean out of things that you don't care about. Stop being a generalist, a master of all the things because you'll never master all of them. You're just going to be running around spinning plates. Do everything in your power to outsource and delegate. Do everything in your power to hire what you don't want to do.

I am not joking. If you do not want to work, marry a man who, wants to work triple hard, who's a workaholic? If you want communication, love and affection, and you hate to be isolated, marry a man who's going to be there talking to you, writing poetry and looking into your eyes until 2 a.m. or 4 a.m. You need to delegate the things you don't want to do. If you want to build an empire with someone and you want to be 50-50, which I don't know how you're going to do after you have children, but let's say you want to do that, then hire nannies, hire people who are going to do that, hire around you and make that happen. If it's a money thing,

it's a money thing. If it's not a money thing, then find friends who will do that for you and you will do something else for them. Fundamentals aside, the reality of this principle is very, very big. A lot of women wake up in their 40s and 50s and realize the life that they lived and men as well isn't the life that they wanted. And they think, why have I got so much resentment towards my husband, towards my reality, towards my life, towards my job, towards everything I'm doing. And that is because you've been pushing yourself and forcing yourself into a lifestyle, into a model, into a role that you do not adhere to or belong to. This isn't you.

You don't connect to it. And you will be walking like a ghost through the life that you created without really understanding what it is. Take a chance. Don't do these mundane things. To you mundane to someone else amazing. Take a chance on the life that you really want to have. have. Guys, I hope these principles or these rules, these non-negotiables, baby, have been

great to listen to. There are five. They're succinct. They are somewhere to start. They are where I started. And truth be told, I still struggle with some of them. But you have to work on them. You have to be there for yourself. You have to always be a work in progress. And we are a community and we're here to back each other. Guys, thank you so much for lending me your ear, for being here for the five-star reviews. When you leave me those, I know this is the type of podcast you want to hear. I know this is the type of thing that you want to listen to. And that's what shifts the direction of this podcast.

So it's a reciprocal, symbiotic relationship that we have. You leave me the stars. I deliver more of the content you love. Guys, thank you for checking up my masterclasses. Thank you for watching my TikTok and my Instagram. And thank you for listening to this podcast. I'll talk to you next time. Love you lots like jelly tots. Bye.

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.