BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 29: Never Talk To Your Man About These 4 Things

Episode Date: October 9, 2023

People go back and forth about how to keep the mystery in a relationship, I think that these 4 things if kept to a minimum will help ypu do just that. Lust and Love are at different spectrums of the field and can at times counter act each other. Listening to these 4 no nos when it comes to men and what not to talk to them about can certainly help.LINKS:20 feminine energy principles: https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesalesPolarity MasterClass (20 secrets to long lasting attraction & love) : https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/polarity-masterclassAmazon book list:https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenkoBecome Magnetic (Free Ebook): https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/Email me: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Hello, hello, welcome back to Being Her. My name is Margarita Nazarenko, and this is a podcast where we talk about all things, feminine energy, success, getting to where you want to be, becoming who you want to be, becoming her and being her. And on this episode, I'm going to talk about some of the things you should not talk to your man's about, especially before you've known him for a certain amount of time. What are those things? Well, there is a big notion in social boundaries, in how much mystery

you should maintain, and I suppose we should jump straight in with the first point, as opposed to me going on and on about something esoteric, and that is when you meet someone and before you've truly got to know them as a human being, as a person, and you're writing to Margarita's DMs and you're asking her, oh, why is the mystery gone in our relationship? How can I be more mysterious? How can I be more this, that and the other? How can I be more alluring?

How can I get the romance back? And I found out, and Margarita finds out that you are taking a dump with the door open, or you are burping in front of him, or you're doing this like, you know, when people fart under the blanket and then they put the partner's head under and you're doing all of this, I am gobsmacked. I don't understand. I don't understand why on one hand you're asking me how to maintain the mystery and on the other hand, you're doing all kinds of madness like this. There is something to be said about different types of partners. You don't know yet for a long time what kind of psychological effect that's going to have on

your partner. And I'm not saying ladies, I'm not saying, oh my God, poor guy. What's psychological effect is that going to have on him? I'm mainly saying that if you choose to go down the route of complete openness and complete oneness with your bodily functions, and not only that, I'm going to describe other parts of this, so, you know, when you're thinking, oh my God, is this how vacuous we are? No, we're not. We're going to get deeper. If you're going to be very, very open about these kind of things, and then you're going to wonder why he's kind of not seeing you in a mysterious way, why he's looking at other women in a different way. please don't decide to blame your partner.

There's this very big thing online talking about icks. Like, oh, it's an ick when he, I don't know, can't lift up the heavy suitcase. And it's not the same thing when it comes to women and bodily functions and stuff like that, but you really need to get to know your partner. And some guys are okay with it. And some guys will say they are okay with it and get you all cozy and warm and farting and taking a dump with the door open. Yuck.

Like literally, guys, I cannot tell you. how against this, I am. I don't want to implore this on you or put this on you, but I wouldn't even do that in front of my best friends. I don't understand what you're gaining from that kind of openness, but okay, we move. So my recommendation, before you get to know your partner and who he truly is and you think it's all cozy and cute because he's made you feel some type of way, think about it, because you're going to put yourself out of the status of a mysterious woman he doesn't know and mystery and otherness breeds lust and sexual attraction, whilst familiarity breeds love, but detracts from

sexual attraction. So if you look at Esther Perel, who's an amazing relationship psychologist, she talks about how lust and love are on opposite sides of the spectrum. So you, going to the bathroom in front of your partner, has got nothing to do with otherness and nothing to do with lust, and it's all about love and connectivity and affection. And I'm going to expand on this point. Forget the bathroom activities. When you meet someone, our feminine tendency is to open up and just go, you know, I've had this surgery, you know, I kind of struggle to see out of my left eye and my toe hurts. Can you see that? I remember I had a friend of mine who had a partner who she used to go on about the dry souls on the feet of her, on the skin of her feet. Like, I kid you

not, this is actually she used to go on about it. And she used to go on about it when we were at talking about how her dry feet remind her of like the dry pizza crust or something crazy. And she thought it was hilarious and cute. And he was laughing along with her. But in his eyes, in that man's eyes, I saw a glint of, wow, is this what we're talking about? And not only does it detract from attraction, because you might say, I don't care what he thinks. If he's not attracted to me, then he can, this whole feminist rhetoric. But it also lessens your mystery, your otherness.

therefore your respect. There's got to be some kind of line between the reality of who you are and the mystery and how somebody builds you up in their head. And I'm all for that goddess energy. I'm all for that energy of somebody finding you truly to be magnificent and majestic and otherworldly. I'm sorry. I know that we all want to be very close and very true and very honest. But when you meet someone and you're dating them and even for a long time, I would watch how you present yourself. We expect high things of men. We expect them to come across strong,

to share their emotions but not too much, to take things on but kind of share with us still. We expect a lot from men, and I would implore you to not make it a struggle for him to find you effortlessly attractive by talking about all the surgeries you've had, about the polyps you've had, about the hemorrhoid you have,

and how you can't sit down because of that haemorrhoid. Any guy who's listening to this is probably thinking, oh my God, I didn't even know about all this stuff. But like, it's true. And we, we become so open with men and we become so unmysterious. And then we struggle to wind it back. Look, the worst thing that could happen is you're not going to go to the bathroom in front of him and you're not going to tell him about the bum surgery you had or whatever. And he would have never minded. And then when you're older, you can tell him. When you're old and gray, you can tell him about all that and you can enjoy that. But why not maintain your mystery when you have a chance? Why not prolong that romance,

that feeling? Because let's be honest, when you first meet someone, you don't talk like that in front of them. You have some kind of mystery. And I'm not saying to do it at a deficit, like you're dying because you've got some kind of, you know, hernia and you don't share it with him and you pretend you're fine. No, I'm not talking about that. that. I'm talking about complaining constantly about your ailments and going on and on about it. And for me, it's not going to gain you much. It's not going to, like, change your life pivotally to be this kind of human creature. I don't know. I just really believe in mystery and magic. So that is the first thing you should never tell men about.

Okay. Now that we're all mysterious and sexy, look, guys, take me seriously, but not too seriously. own thing and this is the best I can offer you in terms of maintaining your goddess status because we all know we're human but I love a bit of romance. The next one is actually serious. You should not for a very long time until you've become his wife of 20 years, 10 years, 15 years, say a negativist towards his parents or his siblings. And I know we can fall into that trap and I know it can be so easy. Goral, I know how tempting it is. I know. I know how tempting it is. I know those people in his family, they can be crazy. But listen, as much as he might sit in front of you and talk about how annoying his mom is and his dad is and how much he hates his brother and his

sister or something, we all go off on our family. I want you to flip reverse it. There's many times when, I don't know, my mom has annoyed me or something else I don't have a big family. So that is the only example I can give you. But let's just say my mom has annoyed me and we've had an argument. And if my husband was to turn around to me and go, yeah, she's an idiot, I agree. I would be taken aback. I would be like, excuse me. What did you say about my mother? How dare you?

Because that is something that would have hit a nerve with me. It's almost like you want to vent to that partner and you want them to hear you and you want them to agree. But for you then to jump in and start saying how horrible their family member is, it's going to trigger something in them, which is a judgment about. them. Our family is so at the core of who we are that you really need to be careful about it. And you believe it or not, apart from having messages and my DMs from women talking about why he goes to me or why doesn't he love me or how can I be more, this, that. The biggest one I

have is what do I do about my mother-in-law? It is crazy the amount of grief, strife, unnecessarily emotional damage that people have from mothers-in-law. I don't know what it is. It does not exist the other way around. Mothers of daughters do not seem to have this kind of same effect. But mothers of sons, there is something that we need to explore in a whole other episode. The attachment, I don't know. I will clearly find out and I'll come back to you in 20 years when my son's 23 and tell you the emotions I'm feeling. It'll be called diaries of a mother-in-law or something. And, And I am hoping with my best efforts to not be that typical mother-in-law, or as I call it, what's that movie with Jennifer Lopez, Monster-in-law.

But the thing is, I'm going to come back to the theme of this podcast as things you shouldn't say. If she is making your life hell, you can say sweetheart. Your mother is really affecting me. I'd like you to be the barrier between us and make sure that she's not in my life because I can't handle it at the moment. That is not saying something bad about her. you need to have boundaries and I implore you that if somebody is in your life who is hurtful,

they need to not be in your life. You can even say, I'm so sorry, I cannot be around your family at the moment because it's really stressing me out. That is not saying something negative about their family. But you definitely shouldn't be like, oh, did you see how she came over? Did you see that soup she made? Did you see the way she squinted her eyes? She can't even do her eye makeup.

What a silly woman. You can't, you need to be very, very careful. because in his laughing that he's doing when he's listening to you and you're thinking your best friends, Kiki Kaka, you could alienate him and put a wedge between you and him. But I must reiterate, you have the absolute right if the people in his family are hurting you and transgressing your boundaries to say, I don't want to see them, I don't want to be around them, you feel happy to see them, I'm happy for you to see them, I'm happy for you to see them. Go for gold, my love.

Do what you need to do, honey. But I'm not doing it. And it is your partner's job to protect you from his parents. If they don't like you, if they're making it known, you've got to ask yourself a question. How is it that you know that they don't like you? Is it because he's telling you? If that is the case, then he is the toxic one in this relationship. He is the toxic one in this occasion because he should not be telling you that information.

He should be protecting you from that information because you can't do anything about his in-laws. You cannot remove them. So that's on him and that is a very, very dangerous thing to be a part of if he is feeding you that information. If he is not, you do not need to be a part of their life. You just need to live your own life and be as cordial as possible. And this is the trick I'm going to give you on a tip I'm going to give you about dealing with toxic people. Now, this is not just about in-laws. This could be about his brother-sister, mother-cousin-cousin, or this could be about someone you work with.

It's called the competency trick, okay? Or the competency tactic. We often, where we don't like someone or they're toxic, fall into a loop of two things. We either tell them we don't like them and have a fight, or we act like them, we act nice to them, and then we are not authentic and we create cognitive dissonance in our mind where we are acting, not in the way that we feel, and that is actually very stressful for the body and bad for you as a woman in every single way possible. well because it's not authentic. So you can't tell them you hate them and tell them to F off to their face and you can't be super nice to them because that's not authentic to you. So what do you do?

You do the competency maneuver, competency trick. And that is, you find where you align. Let's say it's your parents-in-law and you communicate on that level or it's a co-worker. You both have a goal. You want their son to be happy. They want their son to be happy. at work you might want those documents in the desk at the desk by Friday you have clearly never worked in office get those documents on my desk by Friday um I've never worked in an office yeah so you need to speak with them not in a oh my god how are you what have you been up to and not in a oh my god I hate you leave me alone but in a just a competency way what are we achieving together because that person and you obviously have a common goal otherwise you wouldn't be in each other's lives

if it's to make their son happy, if it's to make their grandkids happy, if it's to get the documents on the desk by Friday, only communicate about those things and say thank you to that person about getting those deliverables ready and done. Number next, number three in things you shouldn't talk to a man about, especially when you first start dating. By the way, this rule is exclusive to men you've started dating and you are becoming close to, not husbands. And that is financial conversation.

We like to always talk about how, you know, you need to talk about finances. You need to be open. Da-da-da-da-da. Not when dating. There needs to be some decorum in this place, okay? And I'm here to lay down the law. You cannot start with all this like the hammers. Jamaica, yes.

So what's just your yearly salary? So what kind of card you drive? Stop it. It is nasty and it's not appropriate. It's a low quality of character. And it may seem cute because we're fed it on Instagram and TikTok and, and all this stuff about how we should have a high value and set our worth and a man should be a provider and blah, blah, blah.

Use your eyes to assess who he is. The whole purpose of dating is that he's going to take you to places in order to advertise what kind of lifestyle he can provide for you. That is the whole purpose of dating. There is nothing wrong with high-end or low-end dating. If he's going to take you to McDonald's, you understand that that is what he can afford. And if that is suiting you and you're liking it, fabulous. Merry Christmas.

That's the man for you. If you like, I don't know, a chicken shop, that's great for you. If you like Nobu, the best sushi ever, then that is the lifestyle for you. You choose what you want. There is no need to sit down and ask someone for their finances and their financial references and talk about all that. It would put a bad taste in their mouth no matter if they're financially savvy. If they're not, it's going to put a person off because it is the equivalent of a man sitting down with you and asking your body count and asking how old you are and how good you are in the bedroom. It is just, oh, it's not it. It's not it. I'm not going to go on

about this. I'm going to leave it there. So that is number three. Number four is talking about exes. We love to talk about exes. Why did it not work out with Samantha? Why did it not work out with Jerry? Like, who cares? The point is, if you start talking about your ex specifically and if, God forbid, your ex treated you badly, if your ex treated you badly and you've come on a date with a man and you've started telling him how you got cheated on, I've made this mistake in the past, stupid, and how you got cheated on, how you got treated badly, how men never reply to you, your value will plummet in his eyes. I don't care how much you want to deny this. You're going to be like, oh, but he's empathic, he felt bad for me. Is that the way you want to feel? You want him to feel bad for you? You want him to feel

sorry for you, this, this amazing goddess who has turned up and come on this date, you want him to feel bad for you? No matter how you look at the situation, it is not his prerogative to know how badly you were treated in the past. For all he needs to know is that things didn't work out with you and your exes because you weren't on the same page. That is it. That is all finito. Nothing more to it. Nothing more to tell. If you have a traumatic past, which is what people often ask you with, ask me, with your ex and you want to go on into it with a partner that you trust and you've been with them for a year and you want to get into it and you have a trauma, fine, go for gold. I don't know, even go to therapy together. It's fine if you want to connect.

But if you are dating and you want to tell someone like they are your therapist or your best girlfriend, your woes and your stories about how badly you were treated, it is not the time. It is not the way. It is not the best idea. It's only going to devalue. you and make you seem like a sorry creature in their eyes and that is not how you want to set off any relationship. Now, secondly, if you're thinking about asking him about his ex and you're thinking of asking him how it ended, I would defer that question also. If anything, and this is the danger of it, you are going to look very curious and like one of those cartoon mice who's like trying to get the cheese. You're going to look very curious and you're going to look very paranoid and you're

not going to look very jealous. You can't avoid it because you're talking about. someone's affection who you now want, who used to give it to someone else. And you're going to be that, oh yeah, how come you broke up? Oh, yeah. What was she like? Was she like a 10 out of 10 or was she like a 5 out of 10? Or was she cute? Or was she like, you are not going to come across in a good light and a very bad thing's going to happen. You are going to talk about his ex and you're going to show signs of like jealousy or curiosity or interest. Even if you don't feel those things, you're going to show those little signs and those tells, right? And here's, mind, and this always happens, when a relationship is over, people remember the good parts of the

relationship. So you comparatively to her in that moment are going to pale in comparison. You are not going to be the amazing goddess who's talking to him about your future, about ideas, being funny, being hilarious. You're going to be that little rat in the corner who's trying to find out about his ex and how is she going to look like the winner, like the one you're talking about, like the one who is relevant, like the one who you now look jealous of and why do you look jealous? In his male mind, he's going to think, oh, so there was something that I'm missing out on now. We're talking about Patricia, but Patricia's not here. And this girl that I now like is looking a little bit jealous. So Patricia must have been amazing. Let me just go back to my memories. Oh my God.

She was amazing. Oh, my God. Don't let that mind trick happen. Don't let that happen. There is nothing you need to find out about his ex. There is nothing you need to do. And if you feel that it's going to soothe you to find out that she was like a five out of ten and you're like a ten out of ten and like oh my god oh my god comparison comparison and if you think of adding her on social media or stalking her no straight away no don't do it mommy told you not to do it do not so my honey loves those are the three things i would avoid those bodily functions as much as you want to look like a superhero because you've battled your hemorrhoids or you've given birth in front of him understand that it could change his sexual psychology towards you. So do with that what you will.

The money, the whole exes, be careful with that and definitely, girl, the family. These may seem obvious, but they are big stumbling blocks for people. Okay. So those are the four to five things that you shouldn't talk to a man about or do so at your own discretion. Thank you so much for everyone who's given this five stars when you do that or when you leave a good rate. it allows me to push my content into that avenue. So for those of you who do that, know that you are influencing what I talk on this podcast about and you are a real one.

So thank you for listening and lending me your ears. I love you lots like jelly tots and I'll speak to you soon. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services. referred to in this episode.