BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 3: My None Negotiable Dating Rules That Will Simplify Your Life

Episode Date: April 10, 2023

My None Negotiable Dating Rules That Will Simplify Your Life. 20 feminine energy principles : https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesales Amazon book list : https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenko Become Magnetic (Free Ebook): https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/ BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/being-her-with-margarita-nazarenko/id1679077626 https://open.spotify.com/show/7D9nPxiPw7gRcXuUwaVDIH How to become securely attached: https://youtu.be/TDGj1nAt_N8 How to detach: https://youtu.be/9rsLwtsBu6o Business Inquiries: https://www.mgmt.com.au/creator/margarita-nazarenko Email me: [e-mail] Talk To Me: https://snipfeed.co/margaritanazarenko/shoutouts/U2hvdXRvdXQ6NjM2NWM2MzkzYTIyZDMzYTE5MTJiMWZj?canGoBack=true --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beingherwithmargarita/messageSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome to Being Her, the ultimate guide to living your best life as her. Join me, Margarita, on an empowering journey to discover your feminine energy, build a meaningful relationship and find your purpose. Let's dive in and explore all things womanhood together. My loves, it's episode three. We're out every Tuesday. I am so glad you can join me today. Thank you for everybody who has followed the podcast and given it a five-star review. It means the well to me, you guys are the best. Today we're going to be discussing something that I never thought I would touch upon because I'm not one who likes to set rules. I like to make my own guidelines, I would say. Rules are not something that I've applied in my life, but from having

coached and talked to several women over the years, I've decided that some things must be set in stone. There must be some rules in this place. Because without them, we are not going to move forward. We need to take some things as granted, one might say. We need to say that those things are the way they are so that it's not confusing. Because some of these messages that I get from women make me understand that we do not know our boundaries, our values, and basic principles of what you are to expect from somebody. So I've written down a few little rules of my own. And the first one is a doozy. This is the one that's really going to shift something for you, I believe, because it's taken me a while to come up with this one.

It's the question of when should you sleep with a guy when you're dating. There is a six-month philosophy. There's a three-month philosophy. There is a wait-tall marriage. There is the, you know, liberal feminism where we are like men. And if we feel like it, then we must do it. And we must be free to do it. So, look, this is what I've decided to impart on to you.

The moment that you sleep with a person as a woman, it solidifies like a freeze frame, like a picture, like something that you take a snapshot of, of the relationship as it currently stands. This isn't always the case. And as the rule goes, if you've got to say that this isn't always the case, I knew this girl, Judy, who this didn't happen to, that means it's usually the case. That means it's usually the case, because if you can only name Judy that it didn't happen to, then we know that that's an outlier. If you sleep with Frank on the first day, then Frank knows the amount of effort he had to do in order to sleep with you. That was one date. If you casually hook up at a party, that means Frank knows that he had to do nothing. Maybe just bring you a drink over from the drink table.

If you slept with Frank after three months and getting to know your family and your friends and all of these things, then Frank knows that level of effort too. The point being is that biologically, men will do what they have to do in order to sleep with a woman because that's what they want. And it doesn't make them bad. It doesn't make them bad to want to sleep with a woman. It's absolutely natural and normal.

But what I will say is this, that why would they go above and beyond if it's already given? So the easiest way, as opposed to sleeping with him on date one and then asking him to then gift you flowers and take you out to restaurants and battle and write to Margarita, why does he not do this? The easiest way is to get it to the point where you're happy with the relationship to apply the freeze frame onto it to say, yep, this was enough effort for me. Because people say, and I believe this to be true, men will swap commitment and effort for intimacy and women will give intimacy for the effort and the commitment. So they're interchangeable.

They exchange those two assets. And look, this is not for the girl that wants to just sleep with somebody. You do you, baby. I'm not here to tell you what to do. This is for the woman, this conversation, who wants to take dating into having a relationship. So if you are sleeping with him early and then you're struggling to explain to him by a long messages what you expect in a relationship and what you'd like from it moving forward, then this is a very easy way to do it.

And yes, the relationship will progress after that. But the best way to show him what you want is this way. And secondly, it's a self-protective mechanism. Because, yes, we can sleep with anyone we want, and then maybe it will turn into a relationship. But the reality is this. A lot of people don't want a relationship. And if you want to sleep with Tom Dick and Harry

until you find the person who will give you a relationship, you might feel depleted at the end. in your soul by offering yourself to him, him, him, him and him, and everyone just saying no, no, no, and no, and declining. And I don't care how you say it, but it will make you feel down about yourself eventually. Rule number two is there is no such thing as a situation ship. What is a situation ship? Where did this word come from?

Why are we waiting around on random men to select us? Do we have an infinite lifeline? Is your lifeline on your hand up to your elbow? Why is it so long? Because mine, I'm pretty sure, is under 100 years. Look, there might be medical developments. We might grow up and live to 200 years. But let me tell you this.

As far as I know, I'm only in my dating interest years up until, you know, a certain point after that, I'm going to become a very cool grandma with purple hair who, I don't know, does other incredible things. But right now, in the dating time, my lifeline is not up to my elbow. So what are we doing in a situation ship? So you technically are not so sure about me. You're going to put me on hold. Do you know, we wouldn't even accept that from a friend, to be honest. I don't know anyone who would accept that from a friend.

And like point number one, like dating point number one, where when you sleep someone, it solidifies the relationship as it is, rule number two is that if you're in a situation ship, it will damage your self-esteem. It will damage your self-esteem because you're telling yourself, not even by the fact that he has put you there, but by the fact that you allow it, you've damaged your self-esteem. It's a problem. It's a problem that you've let somebody put you on hold and they've come into the dealership. They've said, I'm not going to buy this car, but I'll just drive it because

I don't think it's the best car that there is, but I'm just going to drive it for free. And you've said, okay, that's the value you've set for yourself. So forget what he thinks. It doesn't really matter. But you've now said to yourself and to the universe and to every fiber in your being that this is what you will be happy with. So my mentor is if they are not sure, they can be unsure elsewhere. They can be unsure in their house with their friends, with their mom, with their dad, but not near me. If you are not sure, you take your time, baby. You make up your mind. You go over there and you make up your mind. But we're not going to do it on my time. And you know what? If he makes up his mind in a year and I still feel like it, then that is absolutely fine and

we'll take it from there. But there is no need for me to be in a situation ship, because if you're not sure, I'm suddenly not sure as well. Number three, you should be dating several people at the same time. Spicy one, I agree. The caveat is you should not be sleeping with these people. By dating several men at the same time, you are in the process of being courted by several people and seeing what is out there. What have these applicants got to bring to you? What are they showing you as possible out there? One might be kind. One might take you on nice dates. One might be this. One might be that. And you're discovering in that process what it is that you want because a person in the end might offer you something great, but they will not offer you everything because no human being is everything

or has everything. It's impossible. Even in the happiest relationship and marriage, you need to bulk up your roster of people who support you with family, friends and the likes and your career and other things and children. Because one man cannot be your mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, friend, confidant, lover, fantasy, everything. They can't. And if you think they can, then you're putting too much weight on one single entity. If you diversify, it will be better in the long run because they can fulfill parts of your life so beautiful. and you can bulk up with other people around that. But we digress.

You should be dating several people to see what is out there because at the end of the day, you will pick a type of man and you will know that there were others out there and you will know that, no, I picked the stable, humorous and handsome one, and that is what I want. But do not sleep with these people. Why? Because that is something that we're going to reserve for the person that we choose.

If you've ever wanted to make a podcast, if you've got something to say, which I think all of you do, Spotify has a platform for you that you can do it really easily on. All in one place, it's free and you can even earn money. Spotify for podcasters lets you record and edit podcasts right from your phone or computer, which is what I do. So no matter what your setup is, it's not complicated to start creating today. Then you can distribute it everywhere that podcasts are listened to. then you can even monetize it, you can do a Q&A section, you can do polls and all these amazing things. Basically, it was really, really easy for me to do. For me, the obstacle was the tech aspect and I know a lot of you wanted to hear from me.

So Spotify made it possible for me to create this podcast. So I'm really grateful. Download the Spotify for podcasters app or go to www.spotify.com forward slash podcasters to get started. When we're dating right now, we're not sleeping with them. We don't owe them anything. We're just seeing who they are. It's really, really healthy for you to have suitors. It was always done. And suddenly there is this culture of like, oh, no, we cannot date more than one person. It's very naughty. Well, it's only naughty if you're deceiving people. No one's deceiving people. Until you've committed to a person, which is later on in one of my points, you should be out there seeing who's there.

and it's really, really good for you for your mental state and a healthy attitude for a woman to date several people. Why? Because we, my friend, like to really get hooked on one person. We really like to fantasize about what he's like and we give our own attributes to him. Or he didn't reply or because he's so emotional about what happened and, you know, he's so in love. That's why he didn't reply. No, baby, that's what you would do. That's not him. Don't color these people with emotions that you have. They have their own emotions. But you see, if you're dating several people, you're not going to put all your ex-zum on basket and you're going to see them for who they truly are. And then that man will eventually come out to the top, the one that asks you to be with him,

which is point number four. Never ask a man. My God, please never ask a man. What are we and where is this relationship going? I cannot implore to you enough. How ridiculous that is. He should be the one locking you down. And as old-fashioned as I sound right now to you maybe, I just want to make you happy. I want you to be happy in your life. So I'm telling you what it is that's going to make you happy. It's going to make him happier to lock down the relationship and it's going to make you happier knowing for the rest of your life that it's something he chose. So if you're dating several people and the one that truly wants you because we want this ship to run for a long time, this motor needs to be powerful to power this relationship. He really needs to choose you. So this one person

is going to be the outlier. He's going to say, do you know what? I can't let you go. I want to be with you exclusive. I don't want you to date other people. And then you go, aha, that's the one for me. If you have to coerce or talk to a man about what he thinks is going on and where this relationship's going, it's not for you. Because you're telling me, these men who play sports and are competitive and build enterprises, conquer worlds and all this stuff to the point where we're exhausted as women by their competitiveness and their drive to just attack everything, you're telling me that he is too shy to look you. He is too shy to simply tell you and ask you to be his.

My God. And if that is truly the case, if you've got this one man who's truly just so confused, oh, he's so confused you need to help him, then don't be in my emails or DMs in the future telling me, oh, he never takes your initiative. I feel like his mother. I'm not sexually attracted to him anymore. Please do yourself this favor.

Do not corner men. into what are we now and let it play out naturally. Number five, never ask him if we're still on for the plans. What are we doing? Are we still on for Tuesday? Is this still happening? What's happening? Because you're training him that you will be following up like some kind of parent, number one. And number two, you're going to avoid the guy who's not interested. And if he's not interested, then you shouldn't be going on these dates with him. And if he's, he's not interested, then let's just move on because, as I said, life is not infinite over here. I don't have time and energy and make up even to waste on you, my friend.

I'd rather see my friends, or I'd rather do something productive. If he's not confirmed and he doesn't want to see you, great. We dodged a bullet. He doesn't see you. We didn't see him because at the end of the day, if you chased him, he might have just seen you because he's got nothing better to do and then he would have slept with you and bang. You are feeling a little bit dusty, feeling a little bit crap about yourself. or version number two, he is interested, but he's a little lazy. But what we're going to do in that situation is we're not going to follow up and when the time comes. And he goes, oh, we're meeting today at two.

No, we're not, Jerry. We're not because you didn't confirm. But maybe next week, I'll tell your story from my life. I met my husband 10 years ago or some such timing. And we were supposed to meet up and he didn't confirm the date. So I planned to see people who are. I met a girl in a bookstore, I think, and I said we should hang out because we hit it off. So this friend wasn't even that important to me, but she confirmed.

And me, I'm a person of quality. When I say something, I'm going to do something, okay? So he hadn't confirmed. And as I'm about to leave, he turns up at my house and he'd bought lobster tails or something and steak. I don't recall anymore. And my instinct said, oh my God, call this girl cancel. He's going to make me dinner. and you know what I did

honey I said oh my God thank you so much but I've made plans you've turned up that's so sweet like I didn't berate him I was not angry at him and he was like heartbroken I still viscerally remember this and I'm not saying be mean to people but the reality is

I am not going to tell you that I'm going to be waiting for you lobster tails or not dropping things for you because also this girl had confirmed with me she's a human being but we like to drop things for men don't we we like to just put things aside for them i'm not saying to do exactly what i did and you shouldn't orchestrate these moments but i will say that if the plan's not planned then it's not happening next please stop sending whole paragraphs about why they made you feel a certain way especially if they haven't replied to you and they're

ghosting you and they're disrespecting you the person already disrespects you enough to disrespects you you and then you're going to send them a soliloquy, a Shakespearean monologue about why they did what they did. Do you think they're going to read it, number one? And do you think they're going to care even if they do? And this is the saddest part I want to tell you when you're writing that paragraph and you're telling me and you tell me this often, you say, oh, but it makes me feel better. Does it make you feel better? Or does it make you feel like you are throwing information down a well because that's what's happening? You need to read it. reframe your mind from thinking, I'm just going to blurt out all this stuff into the nothingness

of him not even hearing me and giving away my power and reframe it into, they don't want to hear from me. They will never hear from me again. Take your power back. People don't deserve to hear your inner emotions. People don't deserve to hear your inner truths constantly while they disrespect you. So he's ghosted you and disrespected you. And now you're going to give him your innermost feelings? That's not what we do. That's not what that's here for. for next no games we're not going to play games a lot of my tic-tok content is flooded with ah but i don't want to play games i just want natural love real love all going to come together for real love baby it's not games you're going to live your own life because games are for the people who don't have a life

when he's text you and your phone's in your hand and you're literally looking at your phone and you've got nothing better to do reply but if you're talking to your friend if you're pushing a shopping cart which is always an example I use. Or me, I've got a toddler and playing with them. This rule applies to men and to friends. You don't need to reply to people straight away. No, no. And that's not a game. You need to cultivate your own life to the point where it's not a game for you not to reply to them straight away. You need to grow and cultivate a culture in your life where your life is full and amazing so that you don't have to pretend to be busy, so that you're not playing games, so that sometimes you reply straight away.

And other times it takes you a day. Another times it takes you an hour. And ironically, you know what that does? It makes you really seductive to be around. It makes you really seductive person to message because it sets off that thing in their brain where reinforcement isn't always at the same time. There's been science experiments done

that rats press a lever and if the candy falls every other time or at different times, they are addicted to pressing that lever more than if the candy is reliable or unreliable. Like it doesn't come or it comes all the time. You're going to create a culture where it's very seductive because they don't know when you're going to reply. But it's healthy for you as well because you're not going to be playing games. When you are truly living your best life, that is naturally going to happen. And that is a

very good test for you to see, how am I cultivating my life? Am I always available or am I always ignoring someone? Because both of those things are not good. Next, do not. treat your boyfriend like your husband. You do not give wife treatment to people who call you their girlfriend. What do I mean by this? Very interesting concept because you need to decide what it is you're going to do for somebody if you become their girlfriend and then next if you become their wife. Because otherwise there's no point for them to upgrade the package. And I know that sounds really ridiculous and sometimes I like to use terminology which is slightly humorous because that's how my mind works, but if you are on the friends package, then you do not get the girlfriend treatment.

That's up to you, what that means to you. But for me, as I've grown up, I've realized if you are on the friends package, you do not get to sleep with me, you do not get to see me weekly. It's just not going to happen. You're not going to be that priority for me. If you're on the boyfriend package and not on the husband package, then I'm not going to change my life for you. People say, but what's the difference? Should I not clean his shorts and cook his meals? Look, I don't know what you want to do in your relationship. But if you are my husband, I will change my life and shift my reality in order to accommodate our future goals together. But if you're my boyfriend, I will not accommodate that because we do not have future goals together, my friend. Like if it's great for

your career to move to Bermuda and you're my boyfriend, then enjoy Bermuda and let's, you know, maybe see each other later. But if you're my husband, then we have combined goals and combined visions and we're going to manipulate the universe in order to create that together. We are now together as one creating something. So the biggest difference for me from boyfriend to husband is that I will energetically use everything I have in order to cultivate our future for the goodness of both of us. But if you're my boyfriend, you're a boy who's my friend and maybe we're close and you're my best boy who's a friend. But if you have not decided that I'm going to be your wife, then why would I use all my spicy feminine power to cultivate goodness in your life.

Next is take him on his actions and nice promises. Why are we all listening to what people say? Do you know how easy it is for people to say stuff? And men are not stupid. They've figured out many, many eons ago that women love with their ears. That's what they use in order to get with us. So let's just shut down our ears, ladies, and watch what he does. I get emails.

Oh, but he said, oh, but he said, yeah, but what did he do? what did he do? Because I don't want to hear what he said. I want to see what he did. So let's take out a pen and paper and write down, what did he do? What has he done for me lately and not what he said? Because we're not eating words here. We're eating actions, bread, reality.

There's nothing more to say about that. But if you want to be wise, watch what people do and believe them. Next, stop diagnosing people as narcissists and love bombers and all kinds of malarkey. Stop it. You're not their therapist. You're not here to diagnose them because why are you asking me and why are you asking yourself if someone's got NPD or something or trauma? Why?

What do you need that information for? What are you going to do? Get them a prescription, help them, take them to the doctor. Are you their mother or a potential date? Why? Do you want to manipulate that? diagnosis in order to be with them more efficiently? Do you want to help them? I'm not sure why, but the reality is you keep diagnosing these men and you're forgetting one factor. How do they

appear in your life and what lifestyle do you want? Because this way that they're acting is going to continue. You're assessing them for their potential. You are the judge in America's got talent and you're seeing how they sing. So why do you need to sit there and go, oh, have they got this, that or the other? The judge is there. Don't sit there and go, oh, have they got a sore throat? Did they have a bad morning today? No, this is the audition. This is what we're going to get. So just because you diagnose them, as everybody does, every other person at the moment with narcissistic personality disorder, what does that mean for you? Are you going to learn how to be with a narcissist and jog on merrily on your way to be with this person? Why? It doesn't matter what they have. It matters how

they appear in your life. Why do you want to choose a difficult life for yourself? Oh, he keeps ignoring me, but he's a void and so we're just going to make it work. Why? Choose someone secure. Choose someone who's worked on themselves. Just because you can excuse it with some kind of diagnosis doesn't mean it's then okay. Also, you're not a therapist or a shrink, so no need. Should he pay? Should I pay? Should we all pay 50-50? What is this conversation? The person who asks someone out is the one who pays. If I asked you out for a business lunch, if I asked to pick your brain, if I asked all these things, I would be paying for you, my friend. That's just etiquette. If you saw me and you really like my advice, you know, like Margarita, can I please take you out for lunch?

Would we be splitting at 50-50? So in terms of a man sees you, finds you beautiful, attractive, amaze and all these things, and he says, could I please take you out? He's the one who chooses the place. He's bringing you into his world to show you an example of Aladdin, I can show you the world-style treatment. Why are you then sitting there insulting yourself, him and the entire population, by saying, should we split the bill? Why?

He has invited you in order to show you something. in life. Baby, what's happening? Maybe on date five, let's say you're Lebanese or let's say you're Japanese or let's say, for example, I'm Eastern European, right? On a fourth date, I took my husband to a Russian-Ukrainian restaurant and I paid because that was me showing him a bit of my culture or what I've got going on. I also took him for drinks to my favorite bar and I got the drinks there. But when he asked me out and in all the other times, he paid and I did not go for my wallet. So if you're Lebanese or Japanese, like I said, and you want to take him somewhere and blah, blah, don't sit there and expect him to pay because you've done the invite.

Pay, cool. But also, if he's asked you out on the first date and you're doing any of these things, when the bill comes, you're looking down at the floor, fumbling, looking all nervous, don't do that. Ridiculous. It's not even gracious or elegant. When someone has taken you out and they're paying, look around, look happy, say, thank you so much for this. This was lovely. even if you don't plan to see that person again.

Okay? And don't try and look for your wallet and put it down demonstratively because you're a big girl and you can do it. Do you know the thing that I find hilarious is I was raised by a single mother who was raised by a single mother before then? My grandfather died in an accident when I was not even born. My mom was a child.

And my mother and my father divorced, right? So I come from a long line, and my aunt is a businesswoman and does her own thing. So I come from a line of women who can do it right? So I never feel the need to prove that I can do it all. To me, it's like saying, I can walk to the kitchen. Watch me walk to the kitchen. Well, of course I can walk to the kitchen. I don't need to prove that to anybody. So I almost feel like because I come from such a background of women doing it all by themselves, I've never felt like I had to prove that to a man.

What are we proving? I'm not a little child or a little girl who needs to prove to daddy that she can do it by herself. If you invited me, you can pay. Baby, like, you're showing me. When I was at uni and a guy would take me to Nando's, that would be great because you're showing me like what you can afford and that's fantastic. This is dating, not a relationship. Relationship, you figure out your finances how you want. But in dating, right, as I grew up and men were financially more stable, they can take you, I don't know, to Nobu, they can take you to their local restaurant. They're taking you to show you what they like to live like. So for me, the thing is, you don't need to prove to him that you can pay your way.

You can pay your way. It's fine. Next, do you not talk about your ex and how badly they treated you? Please, my love. I implore you. This is so important. I know that you want to be honest and you want to connect, but not everyone deserves your honesty at the drop of a hat.

Not everyone deserves that. People need to earn your trust and they need to earn the closeness to you. It's something that they deserve after a while of knowing you. It's not something that is given. And I'm going to always be honest with you because that, that's who I am, and that is this. If you tell someone how badly they treated, you cheated on you and did all these things, a man is going to drop his value for you in his mind. Not because he's a bad, bad man, but because it's what happens naturally. He's going to think, why did she stay with him

for so long if he treated her like that? He's going to reframe how he sees you. So what do you say instead if somebody treated you badly? And you broke up because maybe he cheated. I would say, well, our values just didn't align so we couldn't be together. Well, that's true. Our values didn't align. I don't like cheating and he did it. And later on in the relationship, you can tell them, you can divulge, you can open up. But what is the point, my love, of saying it to every Dick and Harry, if you haven't got close to them yet? How are we going to do that? Why would we do that to ourselves? Also, you're risking people asking you random questions, judging you, talking about your past. And also, we don't want to bring our exes into dating scenarios.

It's just not fun. It's not cute. It's not ethical. It's not funny. It's nothing on that list. Let's keep it spicy and light in the beginning. On the first date, also, second date, third date while dating, don't interview them, like some kind of job interview about how many kids they want, how many dogs they want, how many turtles they want. You should be telling a man what it is you want, not directed at him, not like, hi, um, Jerry.

Do you want kids? because I want seven. How many do you want? None of that. You need to tell him who you are. One day, when I have kids, I don't want to be living in a main city because I want something more suburban and he'll be all like, what with me? It's a bit early on. You look at him like he is ridiculous, be like not with you. Don't be silly with my future husband. Understand that the most sexy thing you can be is confident and direct. Don't interview him. He is not your boyfriend, but you need to set those things up. And if they get scared of, the fact that one day you want children and to live in New York, then they get scared.

Oh my God, just please be scared. Please actually be scared because I don't want you in my life for much longer. Because if they're scared of you knowing that you want to work in the radio station and you want three kids, then you know what? Listen, people who are scared easily need to be scared more often. So if he's scared easily, he needs to be scared more often. Away from me, please. Next is date to marry, not to waste time.

I don't understand dating for fun. What is fun? What is happening here? What is fun by seeing random people, letting them into your life, having them around you. Look, friendships is different and hookups and all that stuff, culture. Fine, you do you. Not for me at this stage of my life, but you do you, babe. I was 19 as well.

I get it. But if I'm going to start dating someone, I'm not going to date someone I wouldn't marry. And not in terms of like, yep, this is my husband. But I'm analyzing him for potential of having a life together because look, I want to do a lot in my life. And I know you want to do a lot in your life too. You want to work. You want to this one. You want to that one.

You want to conquer things. You want to travel. So why are you wasting our time with randoms who we wouldn't even have a longer relationship with it that leads to marriage? So if you don't see potentiality in someone, don't be with that person. Next, if a man tells you that his favorite thing is blueberry pie, don't run out to make him the best blueberry pie. No, no, no, we're not going to jump through hoops and compete with his mom's blueberry pie. You are going to become irreplaceable by giving him what you are best at. So if you make the best donuts, I don't know who makes the best donuts.

I don't even know how to make a donut, but let's just say, you're going to be like, yep, I see you with your blueberry pie. Your mom's is fantastic. Check out these donuts. Because people fall in love with those things that are individual, not those things that are a copy of other things. So when you want to compete with him about things that he likes or places that he wants to go to, don't stop yourself in your tracks. Be the best version of yourself instead of a shit version of someone else. Next, don't be desperate. Don't ask things repeatedly. Don't try and

find these hoops that you want to jump through. Don't compete with his life. Don't compete with friends in his life. Don't have that desperate, horrible energy that when guys have towards us, we hate, be direct, be confident, don't be desperate. I can't say it more plainly than that. I can't say it more simply than that. And we'll have a podcast on confidence and I will leave a poll and you put it down in the poll at the bottom of this, what you want to hear more about specifically. And I'm here to deliver that.

But I will say as soon as you turn on that desperate energy, this hunting feminine energy that we all have, girl, I know you have it because I have it where we're like really focus in like a bloody tiger in the in the jungle and we're like all right i'm going to really suss out what it is he wants and make him make him like me because we're very good at that because women are bloody excellent at that don't do it next don't be too available boundaries are there to protect your feelings and your worth he isn't awful and he isn't using you if you're making yourself easy to use if you're lying there like a starfish ready for him to pounce on you without any boundaries, without any values, without anything.

And then you're crying because you got used. That's on you also. You are your own keeper. You are your protector. And you have to set those values. You're a big woman. You're a big girl. And you have to do it.

In the past, we had our dads and brothers or whatever to protect our boundaries. But now we do that for ourselves. Yeah? We all agree. Please don't make yourself vulnerable by making yourself so easy to access, so easy to just get to, your time, your body, your energy. have boundaries, write down what your boundaries are, what your values are. And I think that's a really strong podcast for us to talk about next time also. And another rule that comes off that one is having

values means you are hard to get, that you don't play hard to get. Same like the game's rule. You are not playing hard to get. It's very good to be hard to get because men respond really well to that. Life responds really well to that. The universe responds really well to that. When you're busy doing your own thing and just focused on your mission, things gravitate towards you. So please don't play hard to get because the idea of playing hard to get, notice it actually means you are easy to get but you're acting. Now, if you are actually hard to get, you're not playing. So bulk up your life, cultivate a life where you are hard to get. Time with you is hard to get. All those things. It's really juicy for the man then to get your

attention and get your time. But as soon as you're playing like it, you've already failed. We're not playing. I heard a conversation on a podcast about why is there no pink pill, as in the red pill exists, about how men can better themselves and this, that, and the other way. And I really think my content is that. I think I want to hold you accountable. A lot of content, Molly Coddles women tells them that they're already great and fantastic. And the reality is because we are so selfless, intrinsically as women, part of our faults is that we put too much into others and not enough to ourselves. I think we gravitate towards content that tells us we're queens and we're the best and we need to do nothing else. But the reality is this.

I think there is shifts that you need to make in your life to make yourself more attractive, make yourself more just yummy. And one of them is you need to be hard to get. Stop playing what you're not. Create the type of persona and personality for yourself and a self-concept whereby you are that woman. Next, and these are the last two. Listen up, girls. There should be forward movement and if it's stagnant, then it's dead.

Let's look at nature. If the lake is stagnant, then it becomes a bog. If it's not moving, then it's dying. There's always needs to be growth and movement. Now, I'm not telling you he needs to be proposing to you on third date, but if you are wondering, why are we standing still in this situation, and I'm always the one who's talking about forward movement, and I'm always the one talking about what's next, what's next, what's next?

It might not be working. It might not be the thing for you. Why is he so comfortable that he feels he doesn't need to move things forward with you? Why did he get so comfortable? Because now the relationship is dying. Now there's no forward movement. And I'm not telling you to have children, for example, if that's not for you, fantastic. It's a really hard job being a parent.

But I will tell you this, that even with couples who are together for more than seven years and they haven't had a child, people often find that their sexuality and intimacy wanes. Because there's a biological reaction where the body thinks, huh, there's no progress here. Maybe we're not biologically compatible. because our body is not like us. It doesn't know what's happening. So I'm thinking, huh, there's no progress. Now, I'm not saying children is the only progress you can make. Forget that.

Let's move that aside. But it can be projects together. It can be moving in together. It can be exciting ideas. It can be things. We are very intuitive and a very natural biological being whereby we need that movement. We are like nature. So if that's not happening, then it's not working.

Last but not least, you can't make him like you by being a good, girl, always being ready to do it, doing it really well, it, the dude, always like, yes, I want it always, yeah, I'm the best. You're not going to win, baby, just by putting out, you're not going to win. You know what you're going to win? You're going to win being his FUCK buddy. That's what you're going to win. You're not going to win his love, his companionship.

You're not going to win that part of life. You are going to win him calling you at 2 a.m. So if you're always good and available, that's what you're going to. a winner. And if that's what you want, understand that that was of your choosing. But you don't do anything that crazy and that special in the bedroom where he's going to like throw out his whole family, friends and everybody and move into your house to enjoy that. Honestly, that's not how life is. There needs to be layers to you. And that's a bit of my accountability for you, that there needs to be layers to you that he keeps discovering. And that's why I say never chase a man,

let him chase you, because you need to know this, that if there's always growth within you and always advancements and there's always new things happening, then you'll always have something to aim up to and aim up towards babies, ladies, I hope you enjoyed this. Rules, I penned them last night. I hope you loved it. If you enjoyed it, please subscribe to this podcast. Give it a five-star review. It helps because then it means I can create more. I can create longer. I can create better. So that would mean the well to me. And I'll see you back next to you. on Being Her. Love you lots like jelly tops. Bye.