BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 34: How to Find a Provider Type, Get THE RING & Make Him Stay For a Lifetime.

Episode Date: November 13, 2023

In this podcast I answer all your questions abouts how to find a provider, get the ring, make him stay, get the spark back and see what he is thinking about when he won’t open up!LINKS:20 feminine energy principles:https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesalesPolarity MasterClass (20 secrets to long lasting attraction & love) :https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/polarity-masterclassAmazon book list:https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenkoBecome Magnetic (Free Ebook):https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/Email me: [e-mail]:BetterHelp: Visit Betterhelp.com/beingher today to get 10% off your first month.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Hello, hello, hello, gorgeous one, and welcome back to this video. Welcome back to this podcast. Wherever you are watching or listening to this content, I'm so grateful you are here. Today we are going to do the second part of my question and answer, but this one is more of our questions about you segment. last time, if you've missed it, episode 32 was about my life, my marriage, things that are going on. And in this one, we're going to address questions from you like how to obtain the ring.

What to do when he's going distant? All of those juicy, fun things. So I've selected, I don't know, 10 or 12 questions that I haven't properly looked at. I just selected them at random, but I think they will be useful from Instagram. And if you want to know where the best place to reach me is, it is Instagram. I am often on there. I'm doing the Q&As on there. That is where I am.

So I love watching this and listening to this style of content because it gets me like the juice. Like it gets me the real tips from that person who's created the content. So I love these episodes. If you like them too, let me know. Go down, comment, subscribe. Let a girl know because I don't make these to listen to myself talk. I make these for you.

Without further ado, let's get into the episode. In a happy dating phase, would love tips on obtaining the engagement ring, which I have, but mine is over there because I was putting cream on my face and I'm not bothered to get up because I am eight months pregnant and I'm not getting up for a ring. No way, no how, no ma'am. If you're in a happy relationship phase, this is the prime time, my love. This is the prime time to obtain the ring. And what I mean by that is, you know how we want a man who's very reliable and knows what he's doing and knows what he's going for and knows what he wants.

In the same light, men want a woman who has a lightness of spirit. She's playful. She's engaged in her own life. She does not traverse through the trials and tribulations of everyday life. Somehow she brings a lightness to life. And yes, that's not fair and we hate that and we want it real and we want all this. But the reality is, this is the real real. that is what men want.

So the time to get the ring is not at the end after 10 years of you begging for the ring and finally he says yes, fine, it's at the beginning. And the way you get that ring is by being a woman that is both extremely amazing to be with, you are the center of the joy in his life, you are the fountain of absolutely everything amazing. you bring him so much happiness, you are a joy to be with, you have amazing ideas,

you laugh at his jokes, and now when you're listening to this, you're thinking, oh my God, but I don't want to fake it. I don't want to fake it, I want to be real. And if that is the case, then you're probably with the wrong person. If you have to fake enjoying his company, if you have to fake laughing at his jokes, if you have to fake a lightness and a playfulness, because let me tell you, in our lives as women, we have enough issues like menopause and child, childbirth and pregnancy, which you could potentially, you know, give birth and women used to die. 50% of the time women used to die in childbirth before modern medicine, okay? So, you want a playful, happy life, you want a soft life.

You don't want to always live that struggle life. And if you need more tips on that, that's episode two of this podcast, okay? Of the Being Her podcast, if you're listening or if you're watching, it's Being Her on Spotify or Apple anywhere. You find your podcasts. I am there and I'm ready to talk to you. Have a happy life. Have a playful disposition.

Anything that gives you struggle life, just remove it from your existence. You don't need it. Life is tough enough. And on the other hand, you need to be a woman of boundaries. Men love a woman who sets strong boundaries. So when I say sets strong boundaries, if you're in a happy dating phase, when you've met that man,

you need to already be letting him know what kind of life you want for yourself. In the talking stages, You need to say, I see myself living in Wisconsin. I'm going to be married with five children. You're not saying it to him. You're not saying, I'm going to be married to you, and we are going to have five children,

and you're not saying that on the first date. But you're saying your likes and dislikes, and there is nothing wrong with a woman having boundaries, likes, and dislikes. And you need to let that man know. As much as we're having so much fun, I'm not going to start living with you. I am not going to start playing wifie.

if you're not sure, and that is fine, my love, if you are not sure about you and I, but my aim in life is to have those children and that marriage. So if you're not sure after a year, let me know, no hard feelings, we will part ways, and I will jog on my merry way and, you know, find that person that's right for me. You need to let him know what kind of lifestyle it is you're looking for. And if he's not ready to provide it, that is absolutely fine. But you need to be both playful, exciting, and at the same time, have a sort of strength to you, like a spine to you. Next question. When you feel that there might be something

on your husband's mind, how do you act? Well, I will tell you what I certainly don't do, and I used to do, I used to always bite me in the ass. It's constantly asking, what are you thinking about? What are you feeling? What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What are you feeling? Women like to really infringe on men's personal space, like their mind space, their head space. and it's one of the toxic traits we have as women. Because we heal through communication. We heal through sitting down and having a conversation about something. If I, I'm a woman, and you, you are a woman, have a feeling about something.

And there is a 10%ile of men who feel that way too. They're more feminine energy. They literally cleanse their system. It is like sweat. You know how sweat takes out the toxins from your body? They literally cleanse their system from that conversation. That is why when you go and you sit down, with a girlfriend and you have a little chinwag and you have a conversation about something,

you feel better. She has not solved your problem. She has not taken it away. But what she has done is let the toxins come out. And that is how we heal as women. So now we as women are now missing that tribe that we used to have of women to sit around and talk to about our problems and maybe have our period circles and everything that we used to have in community. And don't even get me started on the village to raise the children. Don't get me started. but we don't have that anymore. So we know how important it is. We know how important it is when we have something on our mind that somebody comes with the metaphoric bucket and be like dump it, dump what you feel so we can traverse through this and get through this. But men heal

differently. It's to do with the hormonal panels. It's to do with oxytocin. It's to do with testosterone. It's to do with all these papers that I read that I can't cite now, but it's to do with that. Men need to go away and solve the problem in their own mind. Unless they've come to you, men will often only come to you or to someone else. They might go to someone else and voice their problem because they're looking for a solution. That is why when you tell a man a problem and you just want to speak it out to dump the toxic load, you want like half an hour of really getting juicy and just really just getting to it. And he's like, yeah, but why don't you just leave the job? Oh yeah, but why don't you just tell her to shut up, oh, but why don't you just not talk to her anymore? And you are like

having verbal diarrhea. It's almost like you need to go to the bathroom. And he's just plugged up the whole, sorry for the graphic imagery, but you know what I mean, of you trying to get it out. And you're like, I feel shit. I feel terrible. And now I feel worse because I'm not allowed to let go of that toxicity that I feel because essentially he's just told me the solution, but I don't want a solution. I want to talk. So when you feel there's something on your husband's mind, how do I act? I respect the masculine need to go and solve that problem alone. And if he needs advice, he will come to me and he will ask me. Now, if he needs advice about his tires, I know this is just like a ridiculous example and it's not all about tires, but if he needs

a device about that, he's not going to ask me. He's going to be sitting online Googling or he's going to be texting a friend who he knows, knows about that. He might have a little moan about it, say one sentence, but men don't need that. Let's sit together and dump that load. So what you're telling me in this question is, I want to be the orifice and the facilitator of his feeling better. But what you're actually doing is not letting him process his own emotions. You're doing the female equivalent of what men do when they shut us up. And that is, you are asking him to talk about it when he doesn't want to talk about it. If he has something on his mind and you really can't not say something, Just say, hey, I can see there's something on your mind.

I'm here for you if you want to talk. And then just change the subject. Be the happy, go lucky version of the person he needs right now. You've told him you're there for him. He does not want to take up that space. Let him heal on his own. This episode is brought to you by Better Help. The world can feel overwhelming, especially these days, with everything going on,

and it's always going on. And it can get difficult. It can get overwhelmed. and your personal life can too. I think the best thing to do, which I have found, is to talk through it with someone else, especially for the women in the audience. How we get rid of feelings and how we get through feelings is by talking and we used to do that in our community, but sometimes we don't have that community around us anymore. I know it's helped me a lot. And of course, this applies to the men, but for women, it's definitely a thing where you go to

other people and you come together and you talk through it. And I think on my journey of becoming her, on your journey of being her, it's a necessity and that is where better help comes in. It's a therapy service. It is on a line. You can switch therapists whenever you want. You get matched with someone who is really, really compatible with you and you can switch them if you're no longer compatible or if you're going through a different time in life, you can switch therapists to, which is really useful because you can almost bookmark the events in your life. If you think it will be helpful for you, I think it will be helpful for you, but if you think so, to find your bright spot this season with BetterHelp. Go to www.betterhelp.com slash being her today to get 10%

of your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash being her. My man proposed to me, but now said he never wants to get married, but we act married. Okay, hold on a minute, sister friend. What do you mean we act married? What do you mean we act married? Acting married is not a thing that you can do. We act like we have children. Well, you don't have children.

You either have children or you don't have children. They might not be biological, but you either have children or you don't have children. We act like we have a house. Well, you have a house or you don't have a house? Can you see what I'm saying? You are not married. You are not married. And people can go back and forth,

oh, we act like we're married, blah, blah, blah. If you're not married, in the governmental sense, you're not married. And I understand if you're against government marriage, and I understand if you want to go get married in a ceremony out in the bush, that's fine. I really don't care how you get married or what you do. But the point being is,

we live in this earth and in this society where we pay tax and we have our own government. ID and we have our own Medicare, Medicare here, NHS in the UK. I heard you guys don't have a health system in America. I don't even know what to say about that. But we have our own identity as human beings. So if you are not married, you are not married. You are single. You are not married. That is what it is. You act like a cohabiting couple. That is what you do. And whose fault is that? Your fault, my baby. Because who wants to get married? You do. So you want something. and he says now he doesn't want to.

So he's walked into the car dealership. He said, I want to purchase this BMW. It's beautiful. Give me the paperwork. And he's not signed and paid. Anyone who gets offended by people being compared with cars, I don't even have time. I don't have time for you.

It's a metaphor. We're relax. We relax and we breathe through it. But you are the one who wants that. He's the one who got the paperwork, didn't sign it. and now you're going to try and convince him. I will ask you one question. What would BMW do?

What would Hermes do? What would a luxury brand do? Because you are a luxury, my love. And these days sometimes maybe marriage is a luxury. And if it's not for him, it's not for him. You need to ask him one time clearly. My love, you propose, now you're against marriage. Are we going to get married or not?

No, we're not going to get married. Here's the ring back. Marriage is something I want. And for in the next six months, you don't change your mind. Deuce's. I'm not here. I'm out. unless my baby you are okay with acting married which is also fine i don't care if you marry a crocodile i don't

care if you cohabit with a crocodile i don't care what you do as long as you're happy with it but if you're telling me that he got the paperwork but didn't sign it metaphorically speaking that's just a no go that's trickery that's fraudulent that's not how it happens stop acting married pull back on those things i didn't act married before i was married i did many things i did many things in a girlfriend way, but I moved to Australia after my husband proposed to me from England, 24 hours flight, and keep in mind, my mum is my best friend

and I love her and I have to now raise children without her here. That is a wife duty. I would do that for my husband, for the greater good and our goals. I would not do that for a boyfriend, or an acting married situation ship. No, sorry. Anger is what I feel.

Next question. Why have I always come across with men who only want sex and commitment. Well, I will shock you by telling you this. Most men, I will not say all, but most men, when they first see you and they find you sexually attractive and beautiful, want no commitment and sex. That is what men's drive comes from. They don't sit there and go, gosh, she just looks like she's got like really good birthing hips, you know? She could really just have seven of my children. Oh look, look, look, look, she's so educated.

She could really pay the bills and help me go 50-50. Men operate through their eyes and the sexual attraction. I don't mean after the first few dates, and that is the issue. The reason I advise you not to sleep with men, random men. By random, I mean, you've met them and you sleep with them, is because all men first they see you, they want you. That's the cloud that they have, and that's good, because they're attracted to you.

You want them to be attracted to you. because Margarita receives emails if he's not attracted to me, I don't know what to do. So you want him to be attracted to you. It is a sexual relationship. So yes, they want sex and no commitment. But the fact that they want no commitment means that you just haven't crossed the line of,

okay, he finds you sexually attractive, and now he's willing to commit to you and forsake other women in order to just be with you. And the reason we're dating multiple people and we're not sleeping with randoms is because we cannot be sleeping with all these random people. It will depletes you. Why? Because you will get attached to Tom Dick and Harry. You will get attached to these random men. And you'll be asking, why do they not want commitment? You shouldn't even know that. Okay, you find me sexually attractive,

you find me attractive, and you find me attractive? Everybody finds me attractive, potentially, right? Not everybody finds you attractive. Not everybody finds me attractive. We don't even need to know about that, right? but we're dating people who find us attractive. Now the one that is going to rise, the cream that's going to rise to the top, is going to be the one who wants the commitment. Because you don't even need to be asking them if they want commitment.

That should be something that they ask. So just date, get to know people. Yes, they will all find you attractive, but you do not give them any other treatment than that of somebody you know. Go for a coffee with them. Go for dinner with them. Do not be sleeping with these people

who are not ready for commitment because the way you convert attraction to commitment is by them first getting to see you, not get the sexual satisfaction from you that makes you just a byproduct of their life and then they actually have to actively get to know you and then they actually like you and then they think, cry, key,

I want a commitment to her. Next question. Long-term marriage, 12 years, how to rebuild the spark and keep it free. Fun, my love. There is a two-and-half-hour masterclass on www. margarita Nazarenko.com called the Polarity Masterclass of 20 steps of how to keep the spark alive in a long-term relationship and how men work and what to say to him and what not to say to him and how to act and how not to act. Go there. Check that out.

Partners with different love languages. how to make it work. Very easy. I think most partners have different love languages, and it's something I used to butt my head against when I first met my husband. My love language is gift giving because, not because I'm a boozy, boogie, boozy, boozy, boozy cat, but because that's how my mom used to give love to me. She used to, and I do it to my son now, it's just like what we do. She used to buy me this, buy me that, buy me the other thing. And keep in mind. My mom was a single parent in a foreign country, but she still was like, I'll find you a shell on the beach, you know, when we didn't have much money. It was like the act of gift giving, and I always try

to explain this to people who do the five love languages. If you don't know your love language, by the way, go on to five lovelanguages.com or whatever that went besides for. Just give it a Google, ask Uncle Google, and he will tell you which one it is. And you look through it. But the thing that people mistake about gift giving is gift giving isn't about going out and buying the most expensive thing no no my friend that is not what we're talking about here gift giving is walking through the petrol station and seeing that lollipop that that person likes because it's hubbababa and they said they grew up in a certain country where they had it all the time and being like boom i'm going to get that for them to me it's it's the little tiny tiny things that make you feel and gift giving can even be free

i can be like oh you like my earrings i'm wearing here have them that's gift giving Oh, you like this thing in my house? Here have it. It's a very cultural thing for me, I think, also. So my love languages is words of affirmation and gift giving. It used to be quality time. And I've since not changed. I've since become more comfortable with my own company, I would say, and I've become

more interested in my company. And I've started to focus more on my own self-development and the development of my work. And so that's taken a bit of a back burner. and also I've had a child that means every free minute I get to myself. I'm like free minute to myself. Yes, give it to me. So for me, it's those things. For my partner, it was acts of service and physical touch. What you need to understand is once you understand your partner's love languages, you need to know that me giving a gift to my husband, for example, and then telling him how amazing he looks is not going to move the love needle for him. So if you care about your partner, you just need to speak in their language. It's like learning a different language. So if I want my husband to feel loved, I will do an active service and physical touch. That's how he feels loved. So you need to find out how that person feels loved and just apply that. It's not rocket science, but it's willingness to learn about your partner. What makes a man stay with a woman for a long time or a lifetime? Now, this is a very interesting question because, statistically, I don't know it off the top of my cone at the moment, but it's like 70% of

marriages are ended or filed for divorce by women, right? So a lot of women don't feel satisfied in their marriage. So I suppose men don't generally not stay. What men do is check out, and what men do is philander or infidelity, or they basically physically just check out of the relationship. They are not there, even though they are there. So the question is more how to make your man loving and present. And again, the polarity masterclass is all about that. But in order to answer it here now, the answer is for you to be irreplaceable in his life. And that takes the study of the individual man. Some men will just stay with you because they have that loyalty gene and they're very loyal and they want to be with that one person and sometimes you see the biggest shrew of a woman.

I mean, she would drive like a nun crazy and to impatience, sorry, a monk, she would drive him crazy. But the thing is, that man's just loyal and the way he was brought up. Maybe it was a church. Maybe it was something that he just wants to be steadfast in that relationship and believes in being there for the children. But for the average man, you need to become irreplaceable in the knowledge of him and study. there is a quote and I really believe in it that a man needs to love a woman in his life,

love her completely adore her and not have to understand how much. Because to understand a woman is very, apparently for them, difficult. I don't know why, it seems very easy to me, but apparently it's very difficult. But you just have to do what she requires without having to understand. Because when men try and out logic ass, they try and go, oh yeah, but why do you need that? Why do you need this? Why do you need to prove it? They just don't get it, yeah?

So just love me, you don't need to understand me, just. love me and give me what I need. Whilst us, it needs to be the opposite way around. We don't need to love them that much. Not like we love our children. We need to love our children like that. And then we need to understand them a lot. You need to understand what makes them tick, what makes them upset, what makes them happy. It's like studying like an animal, like you're Darwin and you're studying this species, okay? And once you get to understand them, you can, as I say, are my TikToks, manipulate them. And I mean this in the kindness best way. but into happiness, like the biggest happiness they can experience.

And that is the fountain of femininity as being able to give this kind of like incredible joy to people, right? So you can do that for him. But most important clue I will give you into how to make him stay and be happy with you is for him to see that you see him as who he wishes to appear in this world. if through your eyes he feels like Superman if through your eyes he feels like he can accomplish anything if through your eyes he feels like whatever it is he wants to be like the smartest the baddest the coolest if he sees that like true romance that movie if you've ever seen it if you haven't seen it run and see it when she says to him you are so cool that is what a lot of men are missing and that is what a lot of them go for in the side projects that they have

have on the side because they just are craving to see themselves through the eyes of the feminine a confirmation as to who they believe that they are. How long do you need to date your man before you ask for money or your bills to be paid? Okay, Margarita is confused. Why do you need your man to pay your bills? I know it's an American cultural phenomena where we're getting random men to pay our bills, but just like I say, we're not sleeping with random men. We're also not asking them to pay our bills. Because if you're here and you're listening to my content, then you know I believe in long-term relationships, I believe in family, I believe in the core of the community of that. So for me, random men paying my bills is not where it's at. They can take me on dates. They can give me gifts,

please. Of course, they can. No problem. Like before I was married. Give me whatever it is you want to give me and women should not feel guilty when a man a lot of you write to me why I feel guilty he bought me this why do you feel guilty how he spends his money it's absolutely on him but for you to ask that's the question before you ask for your bills to be paid that is not his obligation he's not your husband like just like I say he should not be doing wife duties he should not be doing husband duties he should be paying your bills and looking after you monetarily after he said that that is something that he wants from you after you guys get engaged after you guys get engaged after you guys decide that it's a long-term relationship. In many cases, in a lot of my cases, men wanted to do that

anyway. And that's fine. That's on them, but it's not something you should be asking. It's not an obligation that he has. Because afterwards, you are then obliged to create that kind of marital, as you say, we're acting married, life with him, and that is not what you want. You want to be able to date. You're going to shoot yourself in the foot. You want to stand on your own feet monetarily, my love. You want to have your own independence until you're willing to give it up, which is what marriage is, giving up that independence for that person who is worth it. How do we find that person who is worth it by not getting our bills paid by randoms? Because then you're going to get locked into that relationship with that person,

and that is not what you want. How do I find a provider man? How do you find a provider man is when you're going on the dates, assessing his behavior, and telling him the type of life you want to live. Like I said, I want to live with Scotson. I don't want to work. I don't want this, that, that. From this question, to me, it sounds like you want someone who's going to provide for you.

That is absolutely fine. So you need to voice that. Not are you a provider, but you need to ask his values, see what he is like. Tell him what you want. The biggest way to make a non-provider man run, which is what you want. If you want a provider man, it's telling him you want to stay at home and have a couple of kids. He's going to run. And then you'll know.

What should a woman do when she brings up a situation? and a husband shuts down. You know, there is a lot of rhetoric about this, about, you know, I want to talk to him and he just shuts down, da-da. I will tell you the biggest piece of advice, because I'm a talker, I'm a communicator, I can talk to the cows come home, is that you've probably overextended the way in which you talk about something and you have maybe made him feel guilty or to blame for it. and you need other outsources like friends in order to talk about it.

Unless, of course, it is something he's done wrong and therefore he shuts down because he does not want to address it. And I think the best solution for this kind of thing when someone shuts down, child, husband, dog, whatever, is to walk away and leave it. Because bombardment of the same issue, I've learned the hard way, I love a bombardment, does not work. you need to not become the center of, I will tell you this anecdotally,

the best thing you can do is drop it because then, like a small animal, they come out of their cave asking to connect with you again. And you can say, look, this issue is really bothering me, you know, the fact that you haven't hung the painting. Tell me when you already talk about it. It's very good to book time with men

because then they feel that their time is respected. And remember, men won't respect above everything. and we probably want love above everything. If he doesn't love me after 14 months, is it possible for that to change? If you mean a mutual friendly love, then yes. If you mean camaraderie,

but romantic love, no. I've said this before, I'll say it again, I've said it on my TikTok. You cannot outwork, outperform, outsource, outdo a man into loving you. Being is the center of

feminine energy and doing is a center of masculine energy. And they just need to fall for you. And you'll have a much better life with a man who simply has fallen for you straight away. I want that for you deeply. I don't know you, Selena, but I want that for you deeply. I don't want you to convince a Tom Dick and Harry to love you after 14 months because that is not the life you want. That is a life of pain and suffering. Engagement ring, marriage ring and suffering. You don't want that. It's going to be. be, man's got to really love you and really want you because they will traverse mountains in order to make you happy. Is it possible to maintain feminine energy while working hard and

being busy? Yes, it is. If the work is at your flow and at your leisure, if you are taking time out, if it's your passion, if it's what you love, if it's what you love to do, and if it's who you truly are, and if you don't work past breaking point. then it is very possible. I work like that. I work a few hours a day, and it gives me so much joy and so much happiness, and I'm in my feminine energy because I don't have to grind.

That is essentially the difference. If you have to grind and provide for people and someone's forcing you into that work, then no, it's going to be in your masculine. But if the work is at your true calling and at your center, then it is absolutely possible. Thank you for listening to this episode. I love these. Let me know if you love them too, or if you love them or one theme, five ways to do this episodes. And soon, I am hoping I'm going

to have guests. Let me know how you feel about that too. Love you, lots and Jay Tots. Bye. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.