BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 35: 9 Ways to MANIPULATE a Man & How to Not Go Wrong Using These Techniques.

Episode Date: November 20, 2023

These are 9 ways to manipulate men, used by popular social media advice gurus but should you really be using them? And more importantly how they can back fire!20 feminine energy principles:https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesalesPolarity MasterClass (20 secrets to long lasting attraction & love) :https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/polarity-masterclassAmazon book list:https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenkoBecome Magnetic (Free Ebook):https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/Email me: [e-mail] note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Hello, hello, gorgeous one. Welcome back to the Being Her podcast where we talk all things feminine energy and how to make a better version of yourself. I'm so glad you are here. You're my favorite person for tuning in. Today we're going to be talking about some interesting things, female manipulation. But before we do that, I just want to thank everyone who leaves a five-star review,

who listens, who's been supporting. We are now with dear media. We are doing amazing things and it's only going to get better and better. So before we jump into the content, I just wanted to say, thank you so much. You mean the world to me. So without further ado, let's get into today's podcast. Nine ways that women manipulate men and why you don't always want that for your life or for yourself. These manipulations are often misunderstood and often don't work.

And I don't want you to make these mistakes, baby. That's why I'm talking to you about this today. They are distributed a lot on social media. People talk about them a lot. Manipulate this, manipulate that. I got into the papers because I titled a video on TikTok about how to manipulate men. In reality, that's just a title. But I would never tell you how to manipulate someone.

I would just tell you how to change yourself and, you know, make a better version of so that you attract the right person. But without further ado, let's get into it. Number one is the help me, I am helpless syndrome. This often gets mistaken because what I will often say, or maybe other content creators will say, is that, or other health coaches or, you know, lifestyle coaches will say, is that men want to feel, and I think we spoke about this on the last video and podcast, is that men want to feel like they are making a change in your life. They want to see themselves as the hero in your life. They want to see themselves as somebody who moves the needle that you don't need to be this powerful, you know, woman to attract a man. You just don't have to be.

Every man likes a different type of woman. But I will say this, that asking a man for his help or for his advice is a very useful way to start a conversation or start a relationship with a man because they like to feel useful to you whilst remaining free. And I've said this a lot. However, this, I'm a helpless girl and I don't know what I'm doing. Help me constantly, constantly, constantly can backfire. Why? Because you want a man who is in his true masculine and is adequate and wants an adequate woman by his side. If you are constantly in this kind of like childish state, you will attract a man who has a low ego. He is not fully developed. He's childish himself and he needs you to somehow prompt his masculinity with being so, so helpless that it makes him feel like somebody compared to you.

Now, that's not what we want. When I recommend, ask him for his advice or ask him for help, what I'm actually recommending is when you want to talk to a man or when you want to start a conversation or when you want to get on his good side, as opposed to initiating everything and driving the whole conversation and driving all the dates, you should ask, oh, what's the best Indian restaurant that you know? What's the best Japanese restaurant that you know? that is not helplessness, that is asking him for his advice, let's say he's a restauranteer and he really loves, you know, eating out, that is asking him for his advice, asking him for help for something you

genuinely need help with. Like, I will be damned if I'm going around hanging some kind of heavy mirror on my wall. That is not pretending to be helpless. I genuinely don't want to do that. And I'm a massive advocate of if you can make him do it, make him do it because we have enough on our plate ladies. But don't act helpless. Oh, I don't know how. I don't know how. because what you're going to infringe on is his freedom and you're going to attract, and that is one of the most important things for men. But secondly, you're going to attract a man who needs to look better compared to you. Number two, the bimbo technique.

I'm stupid. I didn't understand. Oh, what did he say? Oh, what was that? I want to implore that I understand where this technique comes from of like, don't talk over him, be a bit stupid, like be a bit vacuous, be all of this. in order to attract him because again, he's going to feel so good compared to you. But the reality is, if you're looking for a man who's going to be your husband or somebody who's

going to be with you, he's going to want to be looking for in Amal Clooney. He's going to want to be looking for somebody who is his counterpart. He's going to want to be looking for somebody who he can take out into social settings and be proud of you. However, I will say a note about this bimbo technique. I've got my pen out, and I'm talking to you with my pen out like a teacher for some reason, but it's helping me deliver the point, that you need to use in life in general,

whether you're a man or a woman, discernment of whether you should argue with a person about a point or not. Sometimes being the dumb fox is the best thing to do. Because once you disagree with a person, and once you put them on the back foot of a disagreement, they will not see you as favorably as they once saw you. So if somebody says, I really like the color blue

and you're like, well, it's not a good color because red is better, straight away, they're in the position of opposing you. it is often very good to play stupid or not know. For example, if I don't want to do something and I'm talking to a man, well, a man who is of sexual interest to me and say my husband for me, it might be a boyfriend for you. You don't always need to become an opposition for him. You don't always need to get into a fight with him.

Sometimes it's better to go, oh, I just didn't notice that. Oh, I just didn't know. Because it's better to diffuse the situation than it is to always go into conflict. We're taught that we always need to be capable. We always need to be having something to say, very logical, very just driven. And that's very good for us in the work environment. But sometimes taking a back seat and pretending we just don't know is the best recipe because it just makes you more likable.

And being likable is sometimes a good thing. Let's not get it twisted. I don't want to battle everyone in my life, my whole life, okay? But being a bimbo and acting like you have no idea what's going on and you just don't know is not the right way to go about it either, because again, you will attract a man with a small ego who wants to look smart at your expense, and that is not what you want. You're not going to attract a high-value man and quotations, as you guys like to talk about, because he's going to be like, who am I going to take her to? What is she going to say? This is ridiculous. Number three,

that he's better than you, my girlfriend's partner is nicer than you, and he drives a faster car than you. This, I'm just going to demunk right now. Does not work, never will work, never has worked. I don't know who made this up. If you are telling your man in order to motivate him how Tom Dick and Harry are better than him because your girlfriend's boyfriend took her on holiday and how your man ate shit, this is a recipe for disaster straight away. Take that, put that in the bin along with your other ideas. It is not a good idea. Is it going to work on you if your man comes up to you and says Amanda looks better than you in a dress? And by the way, she's bounced back from postpartum really quickly and he doesn't know what your problem is. And also she's very nice baby. I know if you're

listening to this and you're a woman, you know one thing. If you tell a man, your man, a story about another girl and how she looked at you funny and how she texts you the wrong thing, and if he even dares to utter the words of like, oh yeah, but I see her point of view, he is dead to you for like the next a few days. Like, you don't even want to know what he's got to say, when he's got to say, or who he's got to say. He took the other woman's side. So don't think that just because you compare him to another man, it's going to make him run quickly and get jealous and do better things. this is just a recipe for disaster. The other two have some merit,

but number three just has no merit. Bin it, put it in the bin. In fact, don't talk about other men. Don't talk about it. It's bad. Don't talk about exes. Don't talk about anything like that. It's a bad idea.

Trust me. Number four, crocodile tears. And this one is a very interesting one. It's close to my heart because I'm an emotional person. Me, I don't cry often, but if I am crying, I'm crying. Like, I'm not going to pretend I'm not crying.

And I often advise you, my loves, that if you feel something, say something like if I feel like I don't want to do something I'm going to say it we as women suppress a lot of our feelings and a lot of our emotions in order to then attack the guy like some kind of saber tooth tiger the next week because we've just done so many things that we don't want to do so if you feel something say something that is the true feminine energy but also don't be stupid and don't be talking about stuff that doesn't matter again the dumb fox okay so you've got to have a balance between that does it really matter enough for you to talk about it talk about it and if not then

sit on it, but make sure it's not going to compromise. This is the key. It's not going to compromise your behavior with him. If you're going to be an angry rat in the corner, it's something you need to talk about. But crocodile tears is something that women use. I don't use it. But I know for many, many men and many women I've coached that if you use tears in order to facilitate him to feel that you mean what you say, you will eventually turn off the gauge in him where he believes that what you are saying is authentic. Do you know what I mean? A lot of women can kind of go back to that. And if you can refrain from it, and my biggest example is if he doesn't turn up on time or if he doesn't do something, I will often personally go into the

realm of anger and I need to control that. But a lot of women go into tears and crying and how could you and how dare you and all these things. Don't think that just because he reacted one time to you crying, leave it for when it's authentic. If you're going to cry constantly, and I know this because I get the DMs and I get people who I talk to telling me my clients and stuff that he doesn't react anymore, this is a line I've heard a thousand times. I just lie in bed crying myself to sleep and he just does nothing and he lays there. For some reason, if you overuse emotion, not that it's your fault, it just happens, men will turn it off. They will turn off their emotional connection to you. So be who you are, but don't let yourself get to the state of overwhelm where you are crying.

If you're already at the stage where you are crying because of a behavior he did, then you need to understand that you're in a relationship place where you shouldn't have gotten to that in the first place. If suddenly he's done something that makes you cry, girl cry. Like, it is what it is. But if you're crying every Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday because, you know, he didn't put the cheese in the toaster properly and you're expecting an emotional reaction. That's the problem here. If you're expecting an emotional reaction and the connection, that might not be it. Number five, using intimacy, aka sex, as a way to get what you want. I often talk about you need to, on one hand, know how to make the man in your life

very, very happy, as in you need to understand him more than you love him. That's a lot. That's just the recipe for a good marriage or a good long-term relationship in my eyes. And he needs to just love the hell out of you and not understand you much because I cannot explain myself to you all the time. If you don't understand, you don't understand. Just love me and do what I need. Okay, sir? But the point of this is a lot of women say, yeah, but how, on the other hand, do I set my boundaries? How do I punish him, in quotation marks, if he's done something wrong?

You need to be authentic to yourself and this is the key. authenticity is often the key in life, okay? For example, some men really react to your closeness. Like, let's say every day after work you guys chat. Or let's just say you guys are intimate. Like, you sleep together every other day. Or maybe you cook for him or something like that. But it is within reason.

It's not like if you upset your man and let's say his role as the provider in a relationship, this is just an example, he snatches the card out of your wallet and doesn't give you money that week. That's not what happens. You have some roles in your relationship, which still stand by, which is why, if my partner does a small indiscretion, which isn't really, but he really annoyed me, but da-da-da-da-da, I won't stop washing his clothes because that's something I usually do to run our household. However, if he does something that truly hurts me on a real personal level, which hardly happens, but if it did happen, let me tell you, there would be no intimacy, there would be no

washing, there'd be no cooking, because why I am genuinely, wienly, heartbroken and sad. I am genuinely not doing those things, not to punish you, but because I don't want to talk to you before we go to bed. I don't want to touch you. I don't want anything. It's not these rules that I saw. I can't remember which American dating show I saw it on, but there's some kind of like no touch rule or something like, you were mean to me, so now you're not going to touch me for three days. What are you talking about? There should be no, no intimacy rule or no touch rule. The only time you should stop physical affection with your partner or let's say cooking for him or whatever it is you do or talking to him is when you genuinely in your soul feel sick in order to do it.

You don't like to do it. It makes you disgusted because what they did was so awful to you. Or you just don't like them as a person right now and you need time. And in that moment when he comes to you and he's like, hey, baby, let's do this. Where's my dinner? You say, do you know what? I am genuinely so sad that I can't even think about that right now. Not, or because you did ABC, the EFG, now you can't sleep with me for two weeks. That's not the way. That's not the way. So as much as you need to understand him and know how to make him happy, you also need to know how to make him not so happy. And that is in the minor small ways. Like if you always pick up his random drink when you drive through a drive-through, don't do that anymore because he's not

respecting you. So don't do that. But you can't suspend intimacy. and, you know, completely derail your household, not pick up your children from school, like do all this madness because those things have to come from a genuine place. So don't use sexual intimacy in order to control anybody. It is not a tool. It is a genuine intimacy between the two of you as people, so you cannot use it that way. However, if you truly have been hurt, there is no time limit, there is no reason, there is maybe a counselor you need to see, there's a therapist you need to see, but using that to control him is not the way.

It has to come from genuine emotion. Number six, feel sorry for me. I have no boundaries, but you need to feel sorry for me. This is a female manipulation that I really don't like, and I talk about it so much. You have one life. You are this feminine creature. As I talk about it, life isn't always easy. You have your periods.

You have postpartum. I'm eight months pregnant at the moment. moment, okay? I'm doing all this. And what a lot of women will do is instead of taking up space in this world, taking up their rightful space in this world and saying, listen, I can't look after your 700 children and five horses and five dogs, okay? I can't do it. You need to pull in and do it as well. Before you get angry, before you get angry, you need to say it with the lightness of spirit. You need to say it playfully, girl. You need to be like, baby, this is too much for me. I can't do it today. I can't cook. I can't cook because I'm eight months pregnant and our toddler son.

is really a lot. That's something I'm going through at the moment. Without guilt, without anything, sit down with them and be like, we need to sort it out. We need to work on this together because I can't do that right now. This is my boundary. This is my limitation. And men really understand that. You know why? Because men won't take on more than they can do and want to do. Like I know some men take three jobs in order to support their families, but that is a decision they made in order to support their family. It's not that so the woman swoops in and takes one of the jobs from him. It's a decision he's made in order to be the provider, okay? But a female manipulation and what women love to do is, oh, I'm just so tired today. I can't, can't do anything. I'm just so tired. Well, if you're so tired,

carve out the time and carve out the space. And baby, trust me, I get tired. I get very, very tired. I just had hyper emphasis in my pregnancy, which is extreme vomiting and nausea. I have a toddler. I'm running a business. I'm doing this and that and the other. We might be moving house. Listen, it's a lot. We're all human. I understand. And I love to complain. But the complaint is from a place of like, damn, this is like a lot. It's difficult. It's not woe is me. You know why I really discouraged the woe is me mentality and the woe is me kind of approach to a man is because you will kill your sexual intimacy. You're going to go into the role of haggard mother, haggard and tired mother, you, and he is your son. That is the dynamic you will go into because we use that a lot

as children and maybe not so much now because we're more enlightened in parenting or at least for trying to be, but a lot of men were raised with a mother who was overworked and tired, maybe had a job or stayed at home and had five kids, and was tired and haggard and get off me, don't touch me. I'm just too tired and I'm just so stressed and I'm just so down about myself and I'm just like, get the violence out. And it makes them feel guilt. It makes them feel not sexually attracted to you. So instead of using this feeling of feel sorry for me and pity, why don't you use your voice and boundaries and say, actually, it's too much for me, and sit with that feeling of guilt. Sit with that feeling of guilt, babe. Just sit with that feeling of like,

hmm, I've set a boundary. I've asked for something. This is a strange feeling. I'm not used to it because I so badly want to be the good girl. I so badly want to be loved. I so badly want to be everything to everyone, you know. I just, I just want to be. I just want to be. I just want to be. to be all of that and you can't be. So sometimes you need to be a big woman about it and just set some boundaries. Number seven is I am the workhorse. I can do it all. This is the other spectrum of women. The first one is the archetype. The number six is the archetype of the cow, which I talk about in my masterclass, 20 feminine energy principles. And I really dive into it more in my polarity masterclass. And that is about how to maintain the relationship and the spark once you do have a relationship.

losing interest in you, all those things. So check those out on marguerite and azarenko.com. And I have a bundle to buy them together, which is less. I never say that. So, you know, it's there. And I'll put it all in the description boxes as well. So you can check that out. But this archetype of like, woes my life is the cow. Like she's overworked, motherly and like, bleh. And this one, number seven is the workhorse. This is the woman who does it all, was programmed to think that she can do it all, has to do it all. I don't know why you'd want to do it all. Like even the ant queen has all these ants to do it all for her and it doesn't reduce her value. In fact, most people who do great business or do great things have a lot of people working

with them and for them and, you know, they delegate tasks. But we move on. The workhorse is a woman who's overworked, over tired, over stressed and she just doesn't say anything. And she thinks that by doing it all, by doing, doing, doing, doing, doing, which is a masculine trait, she will get rewarded from others with recognition. When she understands finally that the feminine energy and what women, what people, pardon me, want from a woman is feminine energy and this light and this sensual juiciness of femininity. And I know you can't always have that if you're a single mother and you're working, but this is in context of manipulating a man.

So say you're married and you're together and you're like, yep, I can do it all. I'll work two jobs or I'll work really hard and then I'll come and do the house and I'll do this and I'll do that, and you are just grinding yourself into nothingness, and it often reflects on a woman's image, how she looks. She's going to cut her hair off. Not that there's anything wrong with short hair, but let's say that was not your style. She will start to simplify her life. She will stop to wear clothes that she wants to wear.

She will stop to embellish herself. She will stop to do all those things that make her feel glorified in her femininity in order to just keep on working because she feels like some kind of reward, like heaven and Christianity or something. I don't know. She feels like once she has martyed herself enough, everyone will recognize her. But sadly, that's not the case. People, the world, and especially men, recognize women who can take up space and love themselves because value is given to those who give themselves value. People only talk well about women who are the workhorse and sacrifice themselves and never did anything after they die, basically. They just go, oh yeah, she was a really good woman. Yeah, my mom. She worked so hard. Not my personal mom, by the.

way my mom really knows how to take up space my mom would give Beyonce a run for her money of how much queen energy she has and how much space she takes up which is I guess where I got this point from but no one's going to glorify you from doing doing doing this is just not going to happen that's what I'm going to say so ask people for help number eight I'm leading you but daily in every argument I will say it's very very important to set a boundary of if you ABC to EFG somewhere in your conversation of long-term relationship if you ABC, V-V-G, I won't be able to be with you and I will leave you. What is that for you? I don't know. He hits you. He philanders. He disrespects your dog. I don't know what that is for you.

For me, I have some things. Where I have said, once, not every day, not on the daily, but I've communicated the message to the men I've been with, and specifically my husband, especially my husband, pardon me, that these things, as much as I'd want to look past, I won't be able to. So you do that, you'll lose me. And I know what he wouldn't be able to look past either. This isn't just a feminine thing. It's a masculine thing too. I know his boundaries. He knows mine, but we don't talk about it. We don't go on about it. If you're the type of woman who is constantly saying you're going to leave because of a behavior, baby girl, you are the reason why the person who is with you does not change. Even if you want the ring, like we talked about in last episode, if you want

the ring on your finger, then you're always nagging him about it and you're always like, I'm going to be with you. I'm going to leave yada yada, blah, blah, blah. But you're you're not leaving, he understands that it's not a thing for you. You're tricking yourself, you're tricking him. Things need to be understood and communicated once and clearly. I want to be married. I am 29 years old. I want to have three kids. God willing. If that's not you, that's absolutely fine. But if you don't let me know within a year, then on mutual ground, I am off. You know, it's no problem for me. And you need to let people know like that because you are a prize, my love. are a prize in terms of the fact that you were born, people raised you. If you ever raised children,

you understand how much hard work that is to put into actually raising someone and effort and all your ancestors that came before you and everything. So you're a prize not because you are more special than any human being, but because life is precious. It is a prize to have life. So you don't need to cling onto Jeff over here, who doesn't know if you're the one for him. Let Jeff go, because maybe he's meant to be with Mary and the one you're meant to be with is just waiting. around the corner. And in every argument, if you're threatening to leave, you are losing the power in your voice. It is literally the most power-reducing thing that you can say, if you say it often. Do not do it. Do not use a divorce word. Don't do it because you will lose without manipulation.

Number nine, one that is near and dear to me, blowing hot and cold. I made a TikTok that said, if you're always consistent and you're always the same in your relationship, you are losing out. Why? Because you are building a level of love and intimacy that might make your desire part suffer. And I said, like, if you're always texting your husband 500 times a day, then maybe one day delve into work, go to the cinema with your friends, do something else for your life. Don't always be consistent in how you act. Because in being consistent in how you act and always being at his beck and call, it denotes to me that you might. not have very much of a life of your own. People are busy, people who have value, value their own time. When you're doing your yoga, you're going to your gym, put your phone away. When you're pushing the shopping trolley, don't be trying texting with one arm while your kid is crying. I am guilty

of these things. I'm talking to myself as much as I'm talking to you because we're used to being so subservient to people and what they need from us, that we're not there and present in our own life. Don't always reply to everyone. This is for friends as well. well. Don't always be jumping on everything. Have some kind of, I don't know, demeanor about you of your time being precious. And what a lot of people misunderstand that as, as blowing hot and cold, like on purpose. Like one day I'll be sitting there sulking and the next day I'll be there and happy. It only works if it's genuine and that is your genuine emotion. And I'm a big advocate for adhering to your genuine emotion in the moment. But I'm not an advocate for pretending to blow hot

and cold because if you've got a mature masculine man who is basically in his he's secure in his attachment he will very quickly get bored of you and just lose attraction to you however if you've got a man who is avoidant or a man who is anxious this blowing hot and cold on purpose is going to work really well on him because that is part of his trauma and how he was raised so if you got one of those keep going girl i wouldn't recommend it but if you want a secure man don't pretend to blow hot and cold don't play games, be authentic because you want that secure man in your life, but don't also be at his back and call constantly, constantly, constantly. Anyway, let me know in one of my posts, DM me, let's talk about it,

leave a review on this, leave me a comment, are you guilty of these manipulations? And if you're a man, have they worked on you? Let me know how you feel. And I'll see you on the next one. I'll talk to you on the next one. Thanks for lending me your ear. Love you, lots like shady thoughts. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.