BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 36: Detach & Build your Self Esteem in 4 Steps.

Episode Date: November 27, 2023

Detachment is a huge part of self value as is recognsing 4 key steps in self esteem. I want to discuss how you can build your self esteem and get back to you and who you were always meant to be.20 feminine energy principles:https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesalesPolarity MasterClass (20 secrets to long lasting attraction & love) :https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/polarity-masterclassAmazon book list:https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenkoBecome Magnetic (Free Ebook):https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/Email me: [e-mail]:AG1: Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of VitaminD AND 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase. Go to drinkAG1.com/BEINGHER.HelloFresh: Go to HelloFresh.com/beingherfree and use code beingherfree for FREE breakfast for life!One breakfast item per box while subscription is active. That’s free breakfast for life at HelloFresh.com/beingherfree with code beingherfree.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Hello, my little chicken soup. Thank you for joining me today. For those of you who are watching on video, you will see I'm in my car. Today has been a day. I cannot be in my house for reasons that I will not disclose. I'm joking. I cannot be in my house because there is books going on and you would not be able to hear me.

Speak, breathe, or think. So I am in my car. I've got a microphone. You guys are propped up on the steering. wheel. And later on, I have a lunch for which I have a bump suit with me, which I ordered in a size extra small, because I was ordering it in a frantic last night. Not last night. Get the fact straight a few weeks ago. So I was ordering it. I don't know. I ordered medium, extra small, large. I don't even know what I did. But if you guys don't know, bump suit is like the best for

pregnancy. It's just a mention that I thought I threw out there. It's not a sponsor. But but it's a very, very amazing brand anyway. I'm in my car. I am going to attend this lunch in a black t-shirt. It is what it is. But we are here today to talk about self-esteem because it is not about what you turn up in. My beautiful blue-bump suit dress will not be worn

because it is too small for this eight-month pregnant girl, but she will show up with her self-esteem. She will show up flourishing and happy, and I wanted to talk to you guys about the root of self-esteem and how to really show up for yourself and how to really like yourself and how to really get to that place with yourself that is so rare. It is so rare to have genuine connection and like to yourself. So without further ado, my little lovebugs, let's get into this. And by the way, thank you for all of you who take the time to listen, to watch, and extra thank you for everyone who takes the time to comment

and extra extra best service and kisses for those of you who subscribe and who give five-star reviews on the podcast. So without further ado, I'm not going to do the annoying thing of starting with the benign one and ending with the most poignant. I'm going to go in with the most poignant. The most poignant is, do not chase what is not for you. And, well, there's two most poignant. I will start with those two. Don't chase what is not for you. This is for the gal. that I used to be, and this might be you. Do not write extenuating paragraphs about why someone hurt you. Ask them what happened. Associate with people who don't love you. Try and get people to give you value who don't see value in you. I am talking to myself. I am talking to the girl who needs to

understand that friendships need to be cut off. I am talking to the girl who needs to understand that coming as from someone's point of view, who is me, who grew up without her father, I chased the explanation of why I was not good enough for him to be in my life, my whole dang life. I literally, I think I did Miss Universe and pageants, well, because I was interested in it and because it seemed so glamorous and beautiful and because I wanted to feel like a princess, but why did I want to feel like a princess? Did I want to feel like a princess? Because I watched a lot of Disney, which I did, which I love.

or did I want to feel like a princess because I thought if he sees value in me and beauty in me, because that is what men like, right? Whether they be your father or someone else and society likes beautiful pretty girls who look like a princess, right? Then he might regret not putting effort into his relationship with me. I am going to break the suspense and let you know that, no, he did not regret it. We still don't have a relationship. and now as a 30-year-old woman, I am telling you from the bottom of my solar plexus, I am so happy about that and so comfortable about that, that I cannot even communicate it. Why? I will tell you why. Because it has given me value for what my husband's role is in my marriage, and that is an incredible father to my child. I have seen that man father that child in ways that I did not know possible. The way my son looks at his dad is like, oh my God, it's out of this earth. I have been

afforded this amazing opportunity of, you know, when you're a kid and you grow up without a pool or a big house and you grow up in an apartment and then you go to your friend's house and they have a pool and a big house and you're like, oh my God, this is insane. And they're like, yeah, I never use my pool, like, or whatever. They don't know the privilege that they have. I have been afforded the point of view of what a great father is and the appreciation therefore that I have for my husband. Secondly, I have the closest relationship to my mom, which I don't know. I simply don't know if I would have had. I have extreme appreciation for her. I have almost over-extenuating gratitude for the fact that she raised me. Maybe it's not so healthy where I'm like, well, he didn't like me, didn't want me,

but she did. Oh my God. I'm so fortunate that she did. And she, you know, being a single parent and doing all of that jazz is not easy, but she was there. So I have this extreme love for my mother. I'd have this appreciation for my husband and this strong idea of what I want to cultivate. Hence, a lot of the things I make, I guess, come from the belief in family and belief in that structure and I believe in it so much. That's my opinion as a 30-year-old. As a teenager and an early 20-year-old, I wanted that validation of why didn't he want to be there.

And this is not a podcast about fathers. This is a podcast about self-esteem, but it often comes from how we feel we are seen in the eyes of others around us, okay, emotionally, spiritually, and in all those ways, I think that when you associate with those who love you, when you lean into, let's say, my relationship with my mother, she would do anything for me. When I lean into my relationship with my husband, he would do anything for me. And my son, my point of view and self-esteem changes. If you lean into asking people who do not want to be in your life, why they do not want to be in your life, This could be an ex-boyfriend.

This could be a work colleague. This could be a friendship group of girlfriends who don't want you around, honey. This is a big one I get in my DMs. You are going to be asking your brain, why am I not worth it? And what do we know about the brain? The brain will give you a reason because it doesn't like cognitive dissonance, which is when your ideas of yourself and reality don't match. It likes to match the reality to what is happening in front of them, right?

So the brain sees, oh, she's associating all these people who don't like her. She must not be very likable. Why are we doing this? She must not have people who love her. And it's giving you proof of why you're not a lovable little chap when you, my friend, absolutely are. Do not chase those who don't want you is number one. And do not associate with those who do not love you. Especially as a woman, there is Vedic teachings about the fact that when a boy is born, he must become a man. He does not have masculine qualities.

He is not brave. He is not strong. He is not any of those things. He's not reliable. have a three-year-old son. He is not brave, strong, or reliable. Okay, actually my kid is slightly brave. I don't know what's going on there. He is a bit ruthless. But those qualities that a man must hone onto himself are qualities that he builds. However, what a feminine qualities going with the flow, being close to your nature of who you truly are, creating

light and love for people in your life, truly enjoying and being in your presence. Those are things that little girls are born with, and little boys are born with too. So if you're listening, to this and you're thinking, oh, you know, I don't associate with people who love me naturally, then it's a must, you must, because you need to go back to who you are. You need to recover, and the word recover from all the traumas you've been through or people rejecting you, the word recover actually means to find, doesn't it? Or I've recovered my keys. Or I've recovered, think about what the nature of that word is, to recover from being hurt and being less valuable. then in someone's eyes, you must recover who you truly are. Go back to that feminine nature of

being. And if they don't love you, then let the doorknob hit them where the good lord split them. I was listening to Gabba Mate, who is one of my favorite psychologist doctors of all time. And he talks about, I wasn't listening to him, I was reading his book when the body says no, which I highly recommend. I've got an Amazon book list in my description box, whether you're listening to this on podcast or whether you like to watch my little face and you're watching this on YouTube. He is talking about the fact that 85% of people who have autoimmune disease are women. Why is that? The dynamic of relationships is that a woman takes on the emotional toll of the husband,

of the partner, of the male partner. Why? Because the masculine wants to be mothered by the woman. This is not a healthy thing, by the way. You should not mother your man. Like I tell you till I'm blue in the face. when you mother him, it kills the sexual dynamic because no healthy person wants to sleep with their mother from the man's side. And no healthy person wants to sleep with their son from the woman's side.

Okay? So what women do is the man is capricious and does tantrums and does what he needs to do and puts all the weight of the emotional relationship onto her when he's sad. He just expresses it when he's this, he expresses it. And because women tread on eggshells and they are not told in the society to just voice how they feel, despite the fact that we are told women are emotional and men are so logical, my friend, most studies disprove this, not in a way that men aren't logical and women are, aren't emotional. No, not like that, but men voice their emotions. Men voice what it is they've got to do in the relationship and they often blame a woman for

things that have got nothing to do with them and she carries the mental load, which often is expressed in autoimmune diseases and things because when you don't say no, the body will say no. Highly recommend that book. So do not chase and do not try and force things that are not. natural to you, express your feelings, communicate who you are, look after yourself because you do not want to be getting all kinds of autoimmune because you were walking on eggshells. The partner for this episode is AG1. Ag1 is my superhero. I gave them a try a while ago when I had my first son three years ago and I felt very, very good about myself because I felt like nobody

knew about it and I was onto something really exciting. And now I'm even more glad because I can see that everybody and their grandma and their cat knows about it. I gave them a try because I really wanted to up my nutrition. This is a foundational nutrition supplement that supports the whole body. And do you know if you've ever been pregnant or seen pregnant people and are going on to breastfeeding that you want that nutrition to be up in your body? It also bookmarks your day. I do it in the morning. It makes me feel like I've done something for myself. And it really bookmarks the day for me that, yes, I've started the day right. I am putting nutrition in my body, even if I don't always manage to get my five a day and things like that. So if you want to take

ownership of your health, do try AG1 and get a free one year supply of vitamin D and five for free AG1 travel packs for your first purchase. So go to drinkag1.com slash being her. That's drinkag1.com slash being her. Get a free one year supply of vitamin D and five for free AG1 travel packs for your first purchase. Go to drinkag1.com slash being her. That's drinkag1.com slash being her. Check it out, guys. I have a baby due in early December and what else is in December is the holiday season with the holidays just around the corner. I realized how easy it was last year because I used Hello Fresh, which is America's number one meal kit in order to prepare the meals around December, but not only that, I also ordered the Christmas meals from Hello Fresh.

So I did the whole Christmas table using Hello Fresh. It is fresh, delicious, pre-portioned. You don't need to think about it. And my toddler loves to make the meals with me. One of the things I love most about Hello Fresh at this stage of life for me is it engages my toddler who's three years old in the cooking process. We know that toddlers are notoriously fussy about food they eat. And with Hello Fresh, he can look at the menu, he can look at the pictures, he can choose it beforehand, and he's excited about it. And I find with children, when they have a look, they can get excited about the food and actually eat it, which any mom out there who's made a whole meal for them just not to eat it will understand where I'm coming from. So if the holiday season is hectic, there are 15-minute meals, there are kid-friendly meals, and it makes the

whole experience a lot more streamlined. I highly recommend it. I've used this service for years. Go to hellofresh.com slash being her free and use the code being her free for free for life. One breakfast item per box while subscription is active. That's free breakfast for life at at hallowfresh.com slash being her free with code being her free. At hallowfresh.com slash being her free with code being her free. friendships, the function of friendships about not chasing friendships. I have, I don't like to say cut off friends because I don't cut off friends. I'm a very humanitarian person.

If this person or any person who used to be in my life came up to me, I would gladly be like, get in my car, let's go. Like, we're best friends. Like, it doesn't matter. But I have distanced myself and therefore when you slowly distance yourself, people peter off. If you're a proactive person like me, you will find that if you don't proactively chase people, people who are not meant to be in your life kind of fall away. For me, there was friendships that took a toll on my life, which I ended. By ended, I meant stop investing in. And now you will find, if you're that type of person who is like me, who does the chasing, who does the doing,

when you stop putting your efforts and energy into relationships that don't serve you, you will excel, succeed, and flow and fly in things like your work or things you're creating. I I promise you, it will be such a big pivotal moment for you. You will not know what hit you. You will be like, oh, this must be some kind of like clips in the sky of solar. Something has happened where my life has taken a new shift. No, baby, it's your energy of not chasing Tom Dick and Harry, of not chasing Rebecca because she was toxic in your life. And I don't like the word toxic. I don't like it. I know it's so used. But the reason I don't like it is it implies that you have this like water clean like purity. And this person is so toxic. And they're going to taint you like the Joker and your harlequin. No, it's not like that. People are toxic for each other and more so they don't bring out the best in each other. So when you see that, pull away from those people. You've got so much to create in this one lifetime and you are here wasting precious time. So that's number one. Part of number one is number two and there are four points. Is let go of opinions and why he did or did not want to be with you. This harks back to

is it your father, is it your mother, is it some boyfriend, is it a boss? A lot of times we give attributes to people in our lives that we share. So we think that we are this type of person. We're a good type of person. We do good things so people must be like us. Not that they're all exclusively good. That's not what I mean, but people must be like us, right? Because we have good intentions. We have good intentions for our friendships and for people and for what we do. So people must be like us and when someone dismisses us, doesn't want us, ghosts us, isn't there for us, hurts us, we try and search for meaning. We try and find the reason why I will give you a meaning. I will give you a meaning right now as you're listening to this. The meaning is you were meant for other

things and you were meant for better things. I can absolutely categorically say that my car has just switched on because it fully agrees with my verdict. Turn off, darling. Calm down. It agrees with my verdict, it completely agrees. And that is to say, I can categorically 100% tell you that you deserve better, not because you're a better person than them, but simply on the fact that they do not want you, they have rejected you, and they have moved on. I don't care why they did it. We need to stop thinking about why. I need to stop moving forward as to what we're going to do next. So those are the two pillars of self-esteem. We're going to go to three and four, which I love to, ritual. What is your daily ritual. What is the food you put in your body? What does it tell me about how you feel about yourself? Are you

worthy of McDonald's or what are you worthy of? I saw this meme. It was very interesting of like a stomach tube going into a baby as it's in the mother's uterus, right? And all of this stomach was filled with like junk food. Now, I love a McDonald's drive-thru, okay? That's me. I love that. But I also, I'm like a health nut with a McDonald's drive-thru every, you know, month or whatever. Okay, I'm lying right now. It's like every week. Stop it. Okay. So what you feel about yourself, what you're feeding yourself. And when I saw like all that junk going into the baby, it's not direct like that. That's not how feeding babies work and that's not how the placenta works. But it made me feel not about the baby. It made me feel about yourself. What are you denoting and saying to yourself and what are you saying to yourself in general when you talk about

your rituals? Do you rely on sugar? Do you work out? How do you see yourself showing up in this world? What do you about yourself and your body. Do you look after your microbiome? That's a big one because you are a big rainforest and your microbiome are little tiny people, little tiny pets who live in your gut, who deserve to be fed vegetables and fruit. If you do not feed them and you starve them, you will have mental issues. And I mean that seriously, because your microbiome is your second brain. You will not be happy. You will not thrive. Do your actions. Your actions right now. McDonald's Drive madam, align with your future goals because right now I'm in my 30s and by my 40s I have this vision of who I want to be. I did a meditation, meditation slash I struggle to meditate, but meditation

slash visualization of who I want to be in my 40s. And I swear to you that woman does not eat junk food because she has high value of herself and she's got only one body to live in this beautiful life, right? So you need to understand when your actions don't align with your future, that is not self-esteem making. Because you need to show up for yourself, baby. You need to show up for who you are and who you want to be. And every action you make, like, don't make it neurotic, but every action you make needs to be like, hmm,

is this the 40-year-old me? Is this the 20-year-old me? I mean, if you're 15 and you're listening to this, right? Is this who I want to be in the next week, in the next month? How do I want to treat myself? How do I show up for myself? Because I know damn well you treat your pets better than you treat yourself. That's a statistic. People will give the medicine to their pets before they give the right medication to themselves, like if they need medicine, right? People often forget to buy their own medicine, which is why vets do so well, God bless them. Do you rely on these uppers and downers? Like who, like, you know, sugar and caffeine, I love a bit of caffeine. I don't actually think it's bad for you. But what do you rely on? What is your ritual? How do you get up? How do you show up? I was talking to somebody and I said, they didn't have children, I do, and they said something about blah, blah, blah, blah. I said I get up at 6 a.m. in order to do.

two hours of work before my son wakes up. If I'm lucky, sometimes he wakes up at seven, sometimes at six-thirty, but I wake up in order to give that time to myself in order to work because it makes me happy. My work makes me happy. It is my soul at the moment, right? Apart from my family and my child and all that. And he goes to me, oh, no, I'm not a morning person.

I couldn't do that. What do you mean you couldn't do? How have you decided what kind of person you are? How can you derail a whole idea of like your success because I'm not a morning person? Stop that kind of nonsense. You are just a person and how you decide to show up is how you decide to show up. Moving on to the last point, act until you see the reflection of what you are acting like in other people's eyes because other people's eyes and how they look at you determines how you feel

about yourself. Let's divulge. Kind of how, you know, that DiCaprio movie where he pretends to be a pilot, catch me if you can. I'm not telling you to be a swindler and pretend to be a pilot. I'm not telling you to, you know, deceive people. What I'm saying is, when he dresses up like a pilot and he's, he walks through the airport, he sees the people looking at him with the respect in their eyes that they would have for an airline pilot back in the 50s or 70s or wherever that film was faced, right?

And it's a true story. So how you show up in this world is not necessarily true to who you exactly are. It is who you believe you are. So act until you make it. How would a beautiful woman show up? How would she walk? How would she talk? How would she present herself? How does she go about this world? does she do? Who does she show up as? You have to really understand that you are the maker and the manufacturer of yourself. I know this, Myler, from being a very average child to deciding I want to do Miss Universe and placing runner-up in the UK. I realized that it's all about that. I went to drama school and I realized that you as an actor can play a king today and then a peasant tomorrow. Those are two different identities of how those people feel about themselves. But how you act and how you enter that

stage, the audience knows straight away that even, they know the status of that character. They know how you show up in this world. It's the same for this world. Forget who you actually are and all this idea about authenticity of who you are and start acting as the person you want to show up as. Show up as that. Act for like a month. Act for a week. Act for a certain amount of time. See how people see differently. Watch their expressions change. And that is on self-esteem. Last but not least, show up for yourself. If you've set something, do something. I have said today on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, I'm going to show up and I'm going to podcast. I cannot podcast in my house today. I'm here doing it from my car. I'm showing up for you because you're important to me. I'm showing up for me.

If I don't show up for me, I'm going to give myself the exact feeling that somebody would give me if they don't show up for me. How does someone make you feel when they don't show up for you? Tell me, how do they make you feel. They make you feel less than. They make you feel not important. You start questioning everything. Let's hark back to the beginning of this podcast and talk about that. That's how they make you feel. That's exactly how you make yourself feel if you don't show up for yourself and you can't prove me different. So always be consistent and on time for you. And that's that. Let's explore that together. Let's get our self-esteem working. Guys, all my love to you. Thank you for lending me your ear or your eyes if you're watching. Thank you for everything you do. And thanks for joining me on this.

journey together. Love you, lots like jelly tots. Bye. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.