BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 37: Avoid These 5 Mistakes If You Don’t Want To Destroy The Masculine In Your Man.

Episode Date: December 4, 2023

These 5 things have to be addressed since they come up in my questions so often. I am going to go through whether you should lend a man money, find him a job and what to look for when dating to avoid traps in destroying the masculine energy in a man. 20 feminine energy principles:https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesalesPolarity MasterClass (20 secrets to long lasting attraction & love) :https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/polarity-masterclassAmazon book list:https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenkoBecome Magnetic (Free Ebook):https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/Email me: [e-mail]:BetterHelp: Visit Betterhelp.com/beingher today to get 10% off your first month.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Things that you shouldn't block out of your mind, things you shouldn't pretend never occurred, and things you shouldn't be doing in a relationship if you don't want your man to not be in his masculine. These are mistakes, baby. These are things that you shouldn't do. I want to address those with you.

I want to talk to you about those. I want to address them because a lot of times I get DMs and I get messages about, well, you know, know, I want to help him with his finances. I want to give him advice. I want to do this thing. I want to do that thing. I basically want to be his mommy and save him. And I want to implore to you that these five things, if you ignore or if you do for him, or if you pretend are your responsibility, you will be paying the price, my love. You will pay the price because you will be messaging Margarita. Margarita then can't help you. Margarita then can't help you when you've

already pushed him into, not that it's your fault, babe, nothing's your fault. I don't want you to feel badly about it, but you've pushed him into his, listen, men are creatures that can get very comfortable without, if it's easy, if it's easy, they're comfortable. If it's comfortable, they're easy, they're comfortable, they're laying back on the couch, they're having a good life. If you have stood up and ran to do all his jobs for him, if you have become the savior of the day, there is no reason, no reason, my love, why he should be like, no, Rebecca, please, Rebecca, please let me do it. There is no prerogative. They're very, very smart creatures. I like men. They're very, very smart. So they will take you up on it. They will be like, you want to work seven jobs? No problem, baby.

I got you. First thing, when dating, do not ignore a man's lack of responsibility. And this is, when people say, oh, what's a high value man? What's a high value man? What should I be looking for? Like, how do I know if he's marriage material? How do I know if he's the one? This is the one thing that I go on and on about. How it's exemplified, I'll tell you in a minute.

But I always say, if he's not sure, then he can miss me with himself because I don't care. If he's not sure, he can be unsure elsewhere. I want a man who's sure about me. And a part of that is a man who takes responsibility. when you are in the haze and in the phase and in the euphoria of first meeting someone, it's a hormonal shift, my love. You are flying through the sky in a cloud of hormones, okay?

He is like amazing. He is the best guy ever. I am so obsessed with him. All those things are happening, okay, to you. And you cannot see the ship from the honey. The flies are flying everywhere. I don't even know where these metaphors are coming from, but they're coming, okay? And you need to sit down for a minute and you need to sit down for a minute and you need to

need to be serious with yourself about whether this man is shunning responsibility or whether he's taking it on because if you want a responsible person, it doesn't sound very sexy, right? But what is certainly very sexy is a masculine man and one of the biggest parts of masculinity is taking responsibility for others. And I don't mean he's going to be responsible for your whole life and do everything for you. What I mean is he's going to be responsible enough to take care of himself, to be honest, to look after the children that he's planning to make with you. because let's just pretend that maybe that's what you want, a family in the future, or at least a dog, I don't know, or to be able to rely on him, if you don't see those traits, if those traits aren't coming up, if they are not exemplified, then despite how many hormones are flying in the air, you need to see that as the biggest red flag. You should not take the responsibility from him because that will push you into your masculine and him into his feminine unless that is what you want, and that's what makes you feel sex.

and like a goddess and that's what makes you thrive, then go for gold, take all the responsibility. But when you first start dating him, see what he's like. Does he keep promises with people? Is he on time with things? And I don't mean on time, like, because God knows, my husband's late for, you know, a flight. Like, so it's not about that. Is it, it's about the fact that is he responsible with his word? Is he good with his word?

Or is he a kind of guy who's like, I don't know. I don't know. It's your responsibility that you didn't use contraception. I don't know. Or is he the type of guy who's going to ask you about it? Is he the type of guy that if you've made a date, he's organizing where you're going? Is he the type of guy who, yeah, he might be easy going. He might not care that you always just go to the cinema and I don't know, eat pretzels for dinner.

That's fine. But is he the type of person who, if you don't take the responsibility, if you're not the one who's always mothering him, does he step up? You need to watch for those things because it might be cute when you first meet, but it's not going to be cute when he's your husband. It's not going to be cute when you're dragging him through life. It's not going to be cute and he's not responsible for anything. And then you've got your three children that you guys have talked about, but he's not responsible. He doesn't care. He doesn't care to wake up in the morning.

He doesn't care to what school they're going to go to. He doesn't really care about any of it because it's not his responsibility because you are always the one who's picking up the shit. You're always the one who's doing it. If you want a man who's in his masculine, watch out in the beginning for how he's acting. Is he there? Does he show up? What does his word mean? because a man has only one thing in this world, and that is his word.

If he told you his word, if he was honest, how honest is he? Don't take that responsibility from him and hide it in a way that you confuse yourself and deceive yourself into thinking that he can be someone who's steadfast for you. Number two, if you are in a relationship with him, if you are with him and he has lost his job, and this one comes directly from hundreds of DMs I get, don't look for a job for him. Do not become his way out and solution to finding work, to finding employment,

and everyone says, oh, it's because he's depressed. He's depressed, he's sold me, he's depressed, he's been lying on my couch for seven years, he's depressed. That's fine. I am an advocate for mental health. I think it's so highly valuable, hence the self-development videos, but you need to watch out from the cream from the crops. You need to watch out the wolf from the sheep.

You need to watch out because he's not even lying. I'm not saying he's lying. He might even be deceiving himself. Because I've told you the story and I'll tell you again, when London was being bombed by the Nazis in World War II, people who were in a catatonic state and mental hospitals were such severe depression that they could not even get up. They were basically in a vegetable state.

They did nothing. When there was nobody to drive the fire engines, Those men, you know what they did? They got up and they drove those fire engines to put out the fires. Why? Because when a man has a calling, a responsibility, a duty, he stands up and does it. So I'm not saying that you should ignore his depression, no. But what is he doing about it?

What is the advances? What is the way forward? It is not your job, especially if he's depressed, to go and find him a job. Because if he's depressed and he is incapable of working, then that's not going to solve the solution anyway. It's your job to believe in him and say, I believe you will find yourself something. But a lot of times what men will do is they will rest in their laurels, they will go into their feminine energy of just being in life, and you'll do all the doing, and you will be unhappy because you don't want your two jobs, because you already work one job, and you already look after the child.

Why are you treating him like an adopted son and getting another job in order to support him? And trust me, you think his guilt will kick in? you think he's going to say, oh, you know, she's been working so much, like, I shouldn't do this, like I should step up, you know, I should look after the family. No, it's not. If you make it convenient that you're looking for jobs for him, I've heard this time and time again, oh, that job's below my pay grade. Oh, that job's not my dream job. Oh, I wanted to be a sound engineer, and that's not really what I'm looking for. Well, then look for it yourself, my friend. Look for it yourself. It needs to be his mission. It needs to be his responsibility, but I will say this, the role you

have in playing in this is utmost and utter belief in him. If you really want to use your feminine energy to amplify what he's doing, the way to do it is belief in him and be like, you're amazing in these things. I believe you can do it. Do not pick up another job and do not, by Christ, find him a job, which is meeting number three. Do not lend him money. This does not apply to your provider husband who's been working his whole life for 20 years, and then suddenly his company shut down or something happened, and you also work on the side because you've got this amazing cookie business. I don't know what it is.

You're basically Martha Stewart in here, and he says, hey, I'm looking for a job. Can you cover us for like a month? Can you loan me this to restart my new business? Yes, to that man, you can lend money. because for 20 years, he has been providing for you. You can step up. It's the same if you've been looking after your children for 10 years

and suddenly you get this amazing opportunity and you go, could you look after our children for a week? Well, him going, no, I can't. It's ridiculous because he can and he should because you've been doing it this whole time. It would be unfair if he was the main provider and he looked after the children and you just sat on the sofa all day, right? So in the same way, if he's proven himself to be there for you, to provide for you, to provide for your family, and suddenly he's said, you know, can I borrow this? Dada, fine.

But you should never loan money to a man and with so many women get swindled into this. So many women get confused by this is there are so many guys who want to be comfortable in life. They will date a girl. They will just find her and they will ask her for financial help. Do you know how many DMs I get? Oh, at the end of the month, he's always asking me for $500. Why is he asking you for $500 when he could work for Uber Eats? Why is he asking you for $500 when your mom raised you and your brother and your sister alone on one salary as a single woman?

Why is he asking you for that $500? Maybe one month, but why is he asking third month? Why? Why is he not open to some got a business with his friends? Why? The first month should be embarrassing and he's asked you, okay, you've loaned him, but why have you become his financial plan? do not lend him the money. He is not your husband. I don't know who he is. He is not married to you.

Oh, what should I tell him, Margarita? I can't give you the money. If you can't be that blunt, say you've loaned it to your cat. You've loaned it to your cat. Your cat needs a surgery. I don't know. You support your mum. You work and you support someone else who is in dire need like a child or an older person. You don't owe this guy anything. If you can't be honest, pretend. I don't care. But this is not solutions you should be having in life. You don't need. to be solving issues for people who need to solve it themselves and if by God he is just somebody who's in a spot of trouble at some point in his life then you solving his financial issues monthly is just going to it's not going to provide the solution you're looking for he needs to be able to be capable

of doing it himself he's not your child I know you want to be the savior I know you want him to love you and for some reason you equate that love to providing for him but do you want to be his dad his mom is brother, uncle and sister and everything? What role do you want him to play? Because right now it feels cute and it feels nice for you to save him. But it's not going to feel so nice when you're looking at him, like, as if he's your child and he's looking at you as if you're his mommy. And you're writing to me asking why there is no sexuality in your relationship anymore.

Well, there's no sexuality in your relationship anymore because we as healthy human beings don't find our children attractive. So why should you find him attractive? Because he's essentially taken the role of your child. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp, for sponsoring this episode. There has been some pivotal times in my life where I felt like therapy needs to take center stage. It's been in times when I've felt a change coming, like when I got married, when I moved countries, which I've done several times. I moved countries as a child, but I moved to Australia from England

in my 20s and I got married here and I didn't know people here and therapy really has. helped me with that. Now I'm having my second child. I had my first three years ago and I wish I'd used better help because you don't need to leave your house. You can be matched with a therapist within 48 hours. And if you don't like them, if you don't bond, which I think is really important, you can easily change to another one that you can talk to more easily because you don't know who you're going to bond with. And that is the key. It is very simple. You do it from your home. You can do it on a voice call or you can do it on video call or you can do it by a texting, which when I have a newborn is going to be quintessential.

So I really want to give that gift to myself. If you think that it's going to be helpful for you, I would encourage you to put that in your life. Therapy is really quintessential. In the season of giving, give yourself what you need with BetterHelp. So visit BetterHelp.com slash being her today to get 10% of your first month. I really recommend it, guys. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P-D-com slash being her and prioritize yourself.

Number four, do not give him advice that he's not asked for. And this one is very hard for me and very hard for you because women love to give advice that men haven't asked for. But honestly, in the male kingdom, men don't give each other advice that they haven't asked for. A man will only come and ask for advice from another guy when he is ready and he has expelled all the other solutions and resolutions in his life and he's sitting there thinking, hmm, you know, I don't know what to do. Who is the best expert in this field?

And he's going to go to the friend that he values in that field. If you need someone to talk to, that's who he'll talk to. Women constantly giving advice to men about what they should do next isn't the solution to him being more in his masculine. it's not the solution to you being more in your feminine. It's not the solution to you feeling more relaxed. It's not the solution to you feeling more just in your feminine, guys. Like, you're not going to feel adored and beautiful and wonderful as shitty as that sounds.

But if you're always, always, always giving him advice, telling him what to do, this, this, this, this, this, he's not asked you. Stop doing it. Because what's going to happen is he will get used to you always commanding things. and always being on top of them. How many couples do you know where the man is like a Will Smith and she's like a Jada? Now, I don't want to comment on those two people. I don't know them.

Everyone is on that I hate Jada train right now. I feel very, very, very hard pressed to like or dislike somebody. I don't know. Honestly, it's a very hard for me to take a stance on two people. I don't know. And I don't know how people do it. They often on social media have political stances. They have stances on celebrities or how could Jennifer for Aniston do this?

How do you know her? How do you even know she exists? Maybe she's AI. I'm joking. That's gone too far. But you don't know that. You don't know who Will Smith is. You don't know who Jada is.

You don't know any, you don't know that what assault you is a reality. So I'm not commenting on that. But what I'm saying more so is that even if it works and you're constantly giving him advice, you're going to shoot yourself in the foot because you're always going to be giving him advice and you are going to lose respect for him. If you are always the one who needs to,

advise him and do everything and decide this and decide that. One of two things is going to happen. He's either going to go into his feminine and relax and you're going to have to decide everything all the time or a masculine man's going to go, why is this woman constantly, constantly, constantly micromanaging me. And I am sorry to say, but this control lever that women have, I have it in me. It's so hard to put away, but I want to, like, make sure the situation's okay. I want to control it. It comes from an anxious attachment. I want to make sure that nothing's going to go wrong. but control isn't love. Control isn't care.

You're mistaking your control for care. But in reality, you're just not letting people breathe. And then women wonder, why? Why is you always not returning my call? Why does he even want to come home? Why does you not want to do this? I dare you to stop giving unsolicited advice to people and just sit and listen and watch how people gravitate towards you as opposed to trying to run away from you.

If you find people run away from you, try it. It is actually incredible. Number five is don't make decisions from constantly, which ties into number four, but number four is about advice and constantly talking his ear off about what he should do and why he's wrong and d-da. Number five is just always making decisions for him. It's a pace thing. I am a very fast-paced person in my thoughts.

My brain works 100 miles an hour. I don't always make the best decisions. I don't always know what the right thing to do is in every field of my life, okay? so I'm not like this knowledgeable oracle or anything. But a lot of women will take on the decision making the responsibility. I don't mean in like, look, you might care about the home interiors and he doesn't so you take the responsibility and you do it. That's fine.

But no one thing, my love, know that you will be taking on the responsibility of the home decor and everything for the rest of your life. And to be honest, I would like that in my relationship. My husband makes most of the home decor decisions. I don't know why he just really enjoys it. He thinks he's kind of architect. Fine, cool, go for gold. I'm much more relaxed.

I'm like, yeah, I like both. Who cares? Which is usually the opposite with men and women. But if you ask yourself before you intervene and make the decisions for him, every time, like what you're going to have for dinner, which flight you're going to take, which hotel you're going to stay and what you're going to do,

ask yourself, do I want to be making this decision till the dawn of time, till the end of time, till the three horsemen, do I want to do this forever? Because men's brains work in very simple algorithms. If she's doing this, she enjoys doing this. She's going to do it. And do you know how hard it is?

I have go with the flow days. I say that to myself in my mind because when I wake up in the morning, I want to be at the house with our son doing something. I know that, you know, if we go to the beach in the morning is better because it's going to get hotter, blah, blah, blah. So I'm always hustling people to do stuff. I do this with my friends as well. I'm like, let's go, let's do it.

I'm the organizer, okay? But I have to have go with the flow days. And I think a lot of women are like me, you know what, just wake up and let him do it. Let him do it. You're always fussing that he does it wrong. He dresses your children wrong. He fed the chickens wrong. He fed the fishes wrong. How can he ever make decisions if you're always gliding in there like an eagle and snatching it from him? Like you are so on it that it's impossible for anyone else to be on it. I don't know if you've ever experienced it, but have you ever been in a friend's house like a couple and the woman is so on it

that even you feel like you can't touch like a cup in her house, you can't ask for a coffee because she's so aggressively all over everything. That is a trait we have. I have to control it. You have to control it. If you're always like, I'll just give me that thing. Oh, just do it right. Oh, you didn't do it right.

If that is a trait you have, understand that you are, number one, going to push people away, which is fine. If you don't mind, then that's fine. But number two, you're going to be doing that until the end of time. you will be Monica out of friends doing it perfectly with no friends around you and I've seen this time and time again I saw it with many people I know who are elderly in my family they push people away at the price of family and togetherness because they want the bowl standing in the right place as opposed to

part of being in the feminine and part of enjoying the soft life and part of just being happy is letting go of neuroses, letting go of these imagined ideas of what you thought life was like. You've married another human being or you've decided to be with another human being. You sometimes have to be at their pace. If you imagine for a second,

if you had to go with the flow of his flow, let's just say if you were forced and he was like really fast, really fast pace, let's go, go, go, go, go. It would overwhelm you. So let him take charge. Let him decide. Let him get it wrong.

Christ, it's okay, you will survive. Let him dress the kids. I see girls go, oh my God, it's obvious. The man dressed to the child. The pants don't match the top. Who cares that the pants don't match the top? I don't even dress my own son. He dresses himself. He's three because he likes to wear his own certain stuff that he wants to wear. Do you think he looks ridiculous? Not to me, actually. He doesn't look ridiculous to me. He looks very cool to me because I don't like to impose my own style and fashion on other people like who cares to other people i may look like a joke so let it go let go the reins baby stop trying to find him a job stop learning your money stop giving him unsolicited advice stop doing everything for him and then wondering why you're the only one doing everything and most importantly in the dating stage number

one first and foremost don't date a man who's not reliable you've got to bet that shit you've got to look at it. You've got to assess it because then you'll be crying about why, why am I the only one who cares? A really, really, really, really big part about being the provider or how do you find one. I get that question all the time is thriving in responsibility. That's a really big part of masculinity. That's why I say motherhood is a masculine energy because you have to tell them what to do. You have to push in a certain direction. You have to plan things. You have to do things because masculine energy and feminine energy isn't about male and female gender and genitalia.

It's about an energy. It's like yin and yang. A lot of us are not masculine energy, and we're tired. We are tired. So if you don't want to be tired, don't do those things. Don't make these mistakes.

I love talking to you more than I love sliced bread. Can you hear the wind? I hope you can hear the wind. It is wild. It is telling me you guys need to get in your feminine, wild woman energy. Thanks for being here.

Thank you for everybody who subscribes and likes and comments because I see that. And this enables me. to keep going because imagine if I was talking to you and nobody says anything. It's like talking into a void and all of you do say something and that is just so encouraging and so beautiful and it's like a relationship. So I appreciate you. Thank you so much. Love you lots like jelly tots and I will speak to you soon. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for

products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.