BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 38: Is He The One? These Are The 5 Signs.

Episode Date: December 11, 2023

Use these 5 signs if you are not sure whether he is the one! They might not be as straight forward as you think.20 feminine energy principles:https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesalesPolarity MasterClass (20 secrets to long lasting attraction & love) :https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/polarity-masterclassAmazon book list:https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenkoBecome Magnetic (Free Ebook):https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/Email me: [e-mail] note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. You need a high value man. That is what you need in your life. He needs to be six foot, six figures, not, there's not what this piece of content is about. This is not what we're going to be talking about. I'm going to be talking about how many women fumble the bag. They fumbled a bag in terms of a relationship and a real thing that they could have in their lives. we've got so far away from what it is and what it means to have true human value and a human

connection. So this is not going to be about. We're not going to talk about how to find a guy who's six-foot, six-figure with a beard or whatever it is you guys like these days. We're not going to be talking about how to find a man who is empathic and basically I'm not going to celebrate every single feminine quality but in a man. It's almost like a man has two options. He's got to be this like stereotypical masculine man with no emotions or he's got to be basically a feminine woman in the body of a man. We're celebrating one or the other. There like isn't a space for men to actually be men, right? So I get a lot of DMs. I get a lot of DMs about women telling me, well, how do I know I found the one? How do you know you found the one, Margarita? How do you know your

husband was the one? First of all, what is the one? The one is such a satiric concept. If you really believe in the one. You've got to be telling me that you believe that it's some kind of video game where you were ordained to be with one person and if you don't find that person and if you don't recognize that person quickly, quickly, then you would have lost out on your destiny. I don't know about this universe and I don't know about this world in terms of, I don't know how it was made. I don't know if it was God. I don't know if it was the Big Bang. None of us do. Even if you believe you do, we don't know. But I know one thing. It just cannot be that you meet someone who's meant to be for you

and then that doesn't work out so now you've lost out on the person you're meant to be with. But I do know, and I will tell you this, that this five things that I'm going to talk about today is the things that I want you to focus on when you are wondering if this person is for you or you've met someone or you like someone or you are mid-breakup and you are thinking,

wait a minute, but what if he is the one? What if he's the one for me? And I'm letting go an amazing person because I don't recognize the value that he holds. And I think right now, we're really confused as women because we make as much as men, we can provide for ourselves, we can do it all. And we're like, what is he for? What is the qualities that are going to exemplify that he is the one I want to start a family with, which is essentially what I'm talking about. The one for me does not mean, ordained by a deity. I mean, the one for me to really invest in. Because when I get asked

the question regarding, oh yeah, but how do you know you want to marry him straight away and all this stuff? The answer isn't that you know. You don't know. You don't know that you want to marry him straight away. But the decision is to invest in that. The decision is to go, okay, it's me and you kid, let's try it, let's do it. And I think a lot of women are misguided about that. I think the first point, so that we don't talk and walk around the bush for 500 years, the first point of knowing that someone is your partner. And by the way, if you, if you're you want this in reverse about how to know a woman is the right partner for you? How to know that she brings enough to the table, this table.

This metaphoric table is just too much. Like what does she bring to the table? High value man, table, table, table, table conversation. The table needs to exit stage left because I cannot even talk about the table anymore. But if you want that, let me know. I'm reachable in my comments and my description, in my description books, in all of it. Just talk to me and I will deliver that content. But I think most of you are women.

So how to know he's the one. Number one is you can be yourself around him. I heard of someone's theory. I can't remember whose it was. Maybe it was Tinks or someone. It was on TikTok where she says there is the not interested in you box. There is the just interested in sleeping with you box. And there's nothing you can do, no behavior you can do to change that.

And then there is the interested in dating you box. I don't know the theory perfectly, but I think it's something like that. I don't adhere to it, but I will say this is the truth about it. If he's decided that he wants to date you and he really likes you, there's not much you can do that's going to put him off. And look, and this is a flexible theory, okay? I mean, you can reveal your personality to be some kind of, you know, abuser of small creatures or something, and he is like, wow, I'm against that.

That is horrific and never wants to see you again? Sure, I'm not talking about extremes. I'm talking about, like, things in the realm of normality, whereby when you meet this man, you're not thinking, oh no, I've got to put on this type of makeup. Oh, no, he likes this kind of music. Oh, I've got to appear this way. I've got to bend over backwards.

I've got to do this. I've got to do a performance. There is going to be a comfort in you that is almost bored. Let's weigh in on that for a minute. If you don't feel comfortable with the fact that you are almost comfortable, too comfortable with him, it could be your attachment style flaring up and you could be avoidant or maybe you're anxious and you're used to the fire. realms of anxious attachment, where you have to wonder where he is, where you have to wonder what he's

doing, where you have to wonder what he's thinking, oh my God, is he disappointed in me? Did I say that thing and disappoint him? Did I, did I look at him wrong? Did I, did I not laugh at his joke, right? If you're going to operate on choosing the one to spend the rest of your life with, which sets off your, let's say, anxious attachment style, I'm talking about that one because that's where I came from. That's how I know. I was anxiously attached. I mistook rejection and kind of lack of, lack of reaction to me and just all traits of abandonment as, you know, love. And that's just not the case. So if someone's secure and they're responsive to you in their attachment, it might even read as a little bit boring. It might even read as a little bit like, is this it? Man, I can be in my

jeans. I can be, or maybe if you like Dita Vantes every day, he likes you for that. You just don't have to be anything different. If you're a little bit of Dita Vontese, 1950, kind of gal. He's not like, oh, I just wish you'd be more casual. I wish you'd wear less makeup. I wish you wouldn't have the lipstick on. He's not talking about that. He's making you feel completely comfortable in yourself and you don't feel this need to do a performance. I think in my early 20s and a lot of women will agree with this. We have this performative need in order to make men like us in order to make ourselves out to be this stereotypical girl. I saw an interview by Emily Reddy on Hilo, her podcast with Lana Rhodes.

And she talks about how disassociated she felt in her youth because she used to watch these things like girls next door and Anna Nicole Smith. And I was exactly the same. I used to watch the same kind of content and be like, oh my God, it looks so much fun to be these women. And when you get into that kind of sphere, obviously I never worked in that kind of sphere. I did work for Playboy for a while, but I didn't work in that sphere. You feel that you've got to act like a certain person.

you've got to disassociate from what is right and wrong for you, you dispersonify from your body, and that can happen in relationships a lot where he likes fries, you likes fries, he likes the movies, you like the movies. But if the person is your life partner and they are for you, he's not going to trigger that anxiety in you and that performative stance. In fact, he's going to be wanting to get to know the real you, and through him, through the knowledge of him, my love, you are going to get to know yourself more. That's the process of growth with a part. partner. Number two, the wow effect. And this one goes hand in hand with number one. You are not going to have like the wow effect. You're not going to have this hormonal flood of like he's blowing hot and

cold. He's rejecting me. He, he, you know, maybe seeing someone else on the side. He is married and he's telling me that he's going to leave her. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't do anything. I cannot breathe. All I'm thinking about is him because my love, the true sign of a life part. is that you can still have life whilst being with him. If you're not eating, sleeping, breathing, calling your friends because you feel so unstable with him, then he is not a good life partner. He's triggering some kind of thing in you where you have to prove yourself. So if number one is you can be yourself completely with him, number two is you are the one who wows him and he is the one who is stable for you. If you want to prosper thrive and really not expel all your energy in a relationship with a

man, I say this before and I'll say it again, you've got to love him less than he loves you. He's got to be more wowed by you, your feminine energy, your goddessness, your, your everything, and you're not going to be that for every man, but for your man you will be that. And what he's got to provide for you is stability, because you have the hormonal shifts, you are going to have the children, you are going to go through ups and downs. If you're a beautiful woman, you will lose your looks and by that I don't mean you're going to be ugly. No, you're just going to be societally seen different and that's a whole other podcast about how one transcends from being a youthful woman and valued as such in society to being an old woman and what that holds, like the beauty that holds and the things that that hold. And if

that man is completely obsessed and wowed by you and in love with you, he will carry you through life as that goddess that you are in every single entity of that being. If it's you who's wowed by him and tried to provide him with the stability and he's the butterfly of the relationship that might not be for you because you will be exhausted by the end of it. You also, if you're living in this hormonal flood of wow, wow, oh my God, look at him, he's Brad Pitt, his Ronaldo, he's all these things. It might seem exciting now, but you're going to be worn out, you're going to be worn down, and you're not going to see the red flags. You're not going to see the red flags because when you're looking through the world with rose-tinted glasses, red flags look pink, baby, they look pink.

So if you're looking in him that way, you're completely wowed by everything he is and everything he does, that is not the way. Is this man giving you that feeling of stability and is he wowed by you? Number three, actions and habits. Again and again, I'm going to tell you to the blue in the face, he is for you if he is sure about you. If this first part, this should be number one, but it's number three because I like that number. If he isn't sure about you, then he is a non-starter. It's like racing a horse race with a horse that doesn't even walk. The horse is all that's sitting down and you're like,

let's race with this horse. It cannot work. How much is he investing in you, is what I mean by actions? Is he sure? How much is he investing in you? And I'm not talking about Cartier. I'm not talking about Chanel. I'm not talking about Hermes.

I'm not talking about luxury holidays. I'm talking about having the sense in your own mind to understand that if you want to build a family with this man, yes, these days most people have to both work. I hear that time and time again. I'm on the fence about how much both people have to work or whether it's a lifestyle adjustment you might want to make. I've both had money in my life. I both not had money in my life. And that's a whole different podcast and a whole different episode for you to tune into about money mindsets.

If you're interested in that, leave me a comment and we'll talk about it. Reach out to me. Will he provide for you in the future in terms of you need to assess him as somebody who's willing to do that? It is not about whether you are going to have a 50-50 relationship. It's not about whether you make more money than him. I saw something on one of the social platforms on reels or something about the fact that the girl's like, oh, I make so much money, I don't expect him to pay because how can I expect him to pay, blah, blah, blah. It's about him inviting you into his reality.

So if he's making McDonald's money, then he's inviting you. He's showing you that his ability and willingness to provide for you. He's showing you through action that he sees you as a part of himself. And it's a beautiful part of male ownership. And I don't mean he owns you and you are some kind of subservient woman unless you want to be one. But when he takes you as a part of himself and when he takes you as a part of something of his world, then that means that that man is willing to stand by you through thick and thin. and if you have not had children with him yet, or even if you do have children from a previous

relationship, you know, those of you who have had children, how much time and investment that takes from the mother's side. You know how much it takes and you know how difficult it is. So when a man is willing to step up, not with the Cartier-Channel money, but with his realistic self to guide you through life, to be able to take you on as part of himself, that is where you measure that. As his actions, does he show up for you? Is he true to his word? Does he want to look after you and take care of you? I don't care if he makes less money than you. I don't care if you believe in this world that both people have to pay. Is he constantly avoidant of that issue? Is he constantly not wanting to talk about how he could take that on? Because sometimes in life you don't have that option. We don't have the

option as the woman to not birth the children that we're all going to have. We just have to buck up and do it. And that's why all these memes online about, oh, he's sleeping. in again and I'm up? Well, because you're hormonally up. I've had a child. I'm having another one. I can hear that child as soon as he needs me. My husband can't. There's a study where it shows that a woman can hear her child even breathe at night and a man can't. It takes a man a lot longer and it's not because they're lazy or something else, but a man can hear somebody creaking outside because we just programmed different for different reasons. You will see through his actions and his habits how he's approaching you and what kind of role he sees you as. Now we're

number four is a continuation of number three. Is he making you a wee or is he still a him? Because if he's the one for you, then men are very quickly to make you guys a we. And I don't mean he goes around saying, we're doing this or we're doing that because sometimes a language, my husband has been with me 10 years and he's still, I'm going to this party and I'm like, okay, have fun. And he's like, no, as in we. And I'm like, why is it I with you all the time? It's just how he talks. It's his vocabulary, whatever. But when he's, he's, he, He says I. He means we. You need to see whether being with him, you are still going on your girls' holidays and he's going on his boys' holidays. If he is still invited somewhere he doesn't even think of you going. If it's still about him living his separate life, or if you are there and if his mom is cooking Easter lunch, you are invited. Christmas, you are invited. Has he taken you as a part of himself? Because it's all fair and good that if he shows up for sexy time and dating time, and time where you've cooked him a meal and washed his underwear?

But is he making you a part of his world? If him and his friends are doing something, are you now a part of it? Because a lot of you will ask me things like, oh, but he didn't post me on Instagram. Okay, he might have not posted you on Instagram, and it's not always about Instagram. In fact, I think some of the best people today

are ones who don't do social media and don't have Instagram. It's just in my experience. I find them a little bit more grounding and a little bit less in this space, but, but, but I find busy men don't usually have time to sit on Instagram and post you. In fact, my husband's never posted me. He doesn't post anything. That is the reason.

But I think more so, instead of looking at, oh, what's he posting on Instagram? Look at where is he inviting me? Am I a part of his life? Am I a part of his world? Have I become a we that we do stuff together? And of course, people have time apart and he's going for dinner with his friends. He's going for dinner with his friends. That is not a problem.

But are you always trying to force it? Like, oh, but when can it be us? or his brother is graduating, are you watching it? Have you become a part of his life and existence? And number five, very, very important. Do you feel sexually, psychologically, and physically safe with him? This is a huge thing for women. A lot of times, it's a two-pronged thing, okay?

A lot of times women will go with a man who they don't feel financially, sexually, physically safe with because financially maybe he isn't a provider type, and you have to work two jobs. And he doesn't pull his weight and he is a little bit lazy and they think that's okay because I really like him. I really like his heart and we're going to be together and we're going to, you know, we're going to grow together as a couple.

But subconsciously, she loses respect for him. She loses respect for his lack of masculine ownership over himself and his prioritizing his moving forward in the world. Tune into whether you feel safe in all those realms with him. And if you're dating when I say sexually safe, I mean this. I'll tell you time and time again, don't sleep with random men. By random men, I mean men you don't know. But men you don't know, I mean men you're randomly dating.

Two reasons. Number one, because it will deplete you. Because every time as a woman you sleep with a man, I would say 99% of women, we'll only sleep with a man that we really, really like, and we really, really want to have a relationship with. We don't just sleep with random Tom Dick and Harry because we just feel like it. We really have to like the guy, at least physically or somehow, and have some kind of invested, like, thoughts of like, oh, he might be the one.

We don't just sleep with randoms. And if we do, it's rare. So when you slept with him and then he's not chosen you, the next one's not chosen you, the third one's not chosen you, the fourth one's not chosen you, you feel not chosen. Whilst he's over there feeling like he's had all these conquests, because he's the one who's trying to get in their pants and he's succeeding. You don't have to succeed at getting into people's pants because you're female

and you are the holder of the sexuality as opposed to the seeker of it. So you've given it to 10 people straight away on the first date and none of them have chosen you as a long-term partner. You are going to feel devalued in yourself. Again, you might be that 1% who doesn't, but the majority of you won't feel valued in yourself. You'll be like, but I gave my all, my body, to 10 people and they haven't chosen me. What is wrong with me? And secondly, it's not safe. It's not safe to do that with everybody.

You need to look after yourself more as a prized thing. thing as a thing of beauty is something that you hold. And by beauty, I don't mean aesthetic beauty. I mean like a child or like a beautiful flower or a puppy or something. Like, why do random people get to touch you? You need to have more reverence for yourself and the humanity of yourself. And really tap into yourself. And going on to, if he's the one for you, the truth of this is, if you're dating someone and you say to them and they're trying to sleep with you on the second date and you say, no, no, it's not something I do. I don't sleep with random men. By random, I mean, like, not my long-term partner. And they take it badly, he's not the one for you. The fact that he tried

in the first place is absolutely normal. That's what men do. Like, if he didn't, maybe he's playing a game, maybe he's trying to be nice, we don't know. The fact that he's tried is no disqualification for that. But you can just communicate how it is for you, that if you were to say yes to everybody, then there would be nothing sacred left for the person that you're going to be with. And that's just not what you want to do. It's about your safety. And if he reacts like a whiny crying baby, then that's a problem. And everybody says, oh yeah, but if he's a pickup artist, what he'll do is just be like,

yeah, babe, that's fine. Trust me, if he's a pickup artist and if he's just trying to get in your pants and all this stuff, that's absolutely fine. But he's not going to go for you for three months. He's not going to invest that kind of time into you. And if he's investing six months into you, then maybe he'll become somebody who likes you for you anyway. Maybe he will grow into the person he's pretending to be because the role of a pickup artist and the guy who's inconsistent is to sleep with you quickly. So you know what? If he wants

to play that game and if he wants to try and invest, let him try. Maybe he'll become a better person. Who knows? Let him for his own conscience do that. But you need to feel that that that man has a respectful masculine quality of if you say, I want something more serious, be like, yeah, totally. I think these five things are way more important than six packs and whatever it is, six figures and all that stuff that you guys talk about. I think the willingness to be sure about you is the most important. And the biggest growth factor is to choose a man through a secure attachment style, through knowing that you're comfortable, through knowing that he's enamored by you and you have stability with him. I'll speak to you on the next one. Love you lots, like jelly thoughts. Bye.

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.