BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 39: Red Flags You Should Never Look Past & Phrases You Should Not Forgive.

Episode Date: December 18, 2023

There are certain traits and aspects as well as red flags that are not worth looking past of forgiving. This episode is here in hopes that if you are ever confused, you have an anchor to base your decision on. 20 feminine energy principles:https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesalesPolarity MasterClass (20 secrets to long lasting attraction & love) :https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/polarity-masterclassAmazon book list:https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenkoBecome Magnetic (Free Ebook):https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/Email me: [e-mail]:AG1: Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of VitaminD3K2 AND 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase. Go to drinkAG1.com/BEINGHER.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. I spoke to you about how to get an ex back in the past. We spoke about it and the premise of getting an ex back. And also the premise of some of my other content is how to get him or her, if you choose to see it in that way, to cherish you. And a lot of that content is based on the precipice and on the fact that one is mirrored but the outside world, one's attitude towards themselves is mirrored by somebody who's looking at you. So if you feel you are worthy of something just humane and maybe even special or

maybe some kind of interaction that is, you know, of value and you're cherishable, you are somehow a gift to people around you, then people will treat you accordingly. And the whole concept of getting an ex back is number one that you probably don't need to, but if you choose to do so, the only way to do it is to cherish yourself first. It's about self-work. It's about concentrating on the self and becoming the person you want to be, and then one of two things will happen. You will attract that person back because perhaps it was in some way your fault in the relationship where you weren't clearly being yourself, not communicating in the right where you're just terrible to be with in some ways.

Or you will realize that that person wasn't for you and they were terrible to be with. And a part of being cherished and a part of showing up in the world as somebody who you want to be is having strong boundaries and not putting up with terrible things from other people. When I talk about having strong boundaries, especially for a woman, it is so important if you want to be in your feminine and in your beingness centre to not put up with things that people want to subject on you. It's so important that you guard yourself like a castle, like a fortress, like the dragon with the treasure, like something that is special and sacred because you are. You cannot deplete your energies. But I think, and I know this in the past,

and I suppose I'm making this video for myself when I was 22 years old or something. I'm in my 30s now and I'm making this piece of content and talking to you right now because I want to implore to you that there are some things, some red flags, some phrases, which you shouldn't look past. And it's so hard when you're in your early 20s and maybe you're in your 30s and you haven't learned these lessons and maybe in your 40s or 50s because we all have different trajectories and we all have different timeframes and it took me 10 years to distance myself from my anxious attachment and find that my secure attachment style gets me much more

love than my anxiety ever did. And I think if you haven't seen some of my YouTube videos about anxious attachment style, watch them because I'm coming from a point of view of somebody who used to be anxiously attached. And some people say, well, you can't change your attachment style. Perhaps you can't. But I will tell you that you can train your brain because essentially the Anxious attachment is your way of having your needs met. So as a child, when you learned that people might abandon you, people might not see you, people might not meet your needs essentially. When you learnt that, you learnt that you have to cling to them.

You learnt that you have to be completely reliant on them. You learnt that you had to be all these things in order to just get your needs met. And if you're avoidant, you learnt that you have to meet your own needs essentially. But as an adult, you, if you have anxious attachment, will realise that in fact it pushes people away. secure attachment brings people closer to you. So that is my way and my method of healing from that attachment. It's months and months and maybe years and years of a bumpy ride of literally faking it till you make it, of acting secure before you and feel it in order to rewire your

brain and rewire your understanding of what people are willing to do for you when you are secure. And a part of it is letting people go who don't cherish you and don't respect you. And If you're a woman listening to this, it's of high importance because as much as men are given value in this world, according to if they're a CEO or if they're this or if there are that, women time and time again come back to me and say no matter how much success they've had in the work, chosen profession they have, no matter how much success they've had in all these other things, for a woman, it's very, very much people-based. It doesn't have to be like partner, a boyfriend based, but it's people-based. It's how we show up in our community and our world. And what you're not allowed to do to deplete your energy is allow people who are walking red flags and are going to just destroy your self-esteem. So if you're listening to this and you've heard me say, have your boundaries,

don't let people walk all over you. In fact, the only way to make people respect you is if you don't. Let me tell you about the things that if I was talking to my younger self, I would tell myself not to accept from others. or in my case, men. Betrayal. Betrayal of any kind, but you need to be very careful with this

because the terminology of betrayal is different for different people. Because at its pinnacle is the concept of honesty. So for you, when I say betrayal, you might have thought cheating. You might have thought, I don't know, money stealing.

I don't know, something like that. But it's about honesty. If you choose our partnership with somebody and they tell you quite openly and honesty that they want to be with other people also, then it's not a betrayal for them if you have agreed to do that, to do so. It's an agreement.

It's not a betrayal for somebody who is constantly late, to be late again when you are somebody who's punctual because you haven't talked about and you haven't discussed in the ways in which you guys have been brought up. Maybe it's different. A betrayal is something that you have to communicate to your partner that if this happens, it will be a non-negotiable for me and I will walk away.

For example, an extramarital affair, or if they hit you, or something like that. And if they betray that trust, if they lie to you, I think it's really hard to salvage. And there's a point made on this that women often write to me asking, you know, how do you know, do I need to check his phone? I feel like he's interested in other women. The reality is you have to take a little bit of a Zen approach when it comes to betrayal, especially in the cheating matter, because you don't need to, watch his phone. You don't need to look up what he's doing all the time. You don't need to monitor him.

You don't need to control him because if anything that's going to add to your anxiety in life and is going to add to you having just a generally bad time, you need to see the person that you're with as somebody that you chose and that you trust and know that if they choose to step out on you and betray you, that you won't be losing the person that you love. You will simply be losing somebody you don't even know that will no longer be the person you loved because that person is not for you and then the matter comes up I guess

the anxiety of like what if I don't spot it what if I don't spot it don't worry it's better for you to live in the joy of having this partnership and then suddenly notice it then always be worried that you're going to miss it trust me you will notice it

because you'll be coming from a centre of love to yourself people have traits when they start to step out on you. People start to treat you less well because they want to have an excuse for why they're acting that way. People start to spend less time with you. People are reluctant to see you in a good light. There's going to be so many signs to which you don't even need to find out that he is betraying you. All you need to do is think, hmm, I don't really like this relationship anymore. It's not serving me anymore. He's not showing up how he used to. He's not making me feel loved and happy. or she, if you're a man listening to this.

So don't worry. You won't be losing the person you love. You'll be getting rid of a relationship that wasn't real anymore. But don't forget to cherish the time you did have because nothing is permanent. Everything is transient. Things end. The second thing I would not forgive is public put downs. This is a huge one.

And one that isn't often talked about. But publicly putting each other down. and if you do this, you really need to refrain also and really reframe yourself. But public put downs and constantly talking about that person in front of other people when they're around, especially if they're around, but, you know, publicly is a no-go for me. So if you're around a man and he's constantly, oh, yeah, she's so stupid, look what she said, oh, she doesn't know how to do this, oh, she doesn't know how to do that. That's a massive red flag for me.

you are supposed to be a team. I would not play with that kind of person on my team if it was a sport. Why would you want to have a relationship with them and essentially a marriage is an enterprise? I see it as much of it as it is love. It is also a business agreement and that is not a business partner I'd want to have. So if that comes up, think twice. This episode is sponsored by AG1.

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because if you set up routines and rituals that is a part of exploring your femininity, those rituals and routines are like little anchors that you anchor throughout the day that make you feel like yourself. So instead of worrying about that guy, why isn't text you? Worry about putting the right nutrition into your body, doing the right thing for you because the more you put into yourself, the more people will put into you trust and believe when I say that. So if you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase. Go to drinkag1.com slash being her. That's AG1.com slash being her.

So if you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase. Go to drinkag1.com slash being her. that's ag1.com slash being her. Check it out because you need to be focused on yourself. Negative attitude towards your chosen career or hobbies. And this one I'm saying more to almost the women because men don't have as much of an issue with this as women do. And I want you to watch out for this in yourself.

A lot of women have issues with men's hobbies. or their job, or trying to better them, or trying to change them. And if you are watching this or listening to this and you feeling like, oh, but how can I better him? How can I improve him? How can I do this, that and the other? Let's flip the script and imagine he was doing it to you. Let's imagine that he was like, I don't want you working in the aquarium. I don't know why aquarium came to mind because it might be a job someone loves to do because they love, you know, aquatic life,

but it's not exactly a lawyer or a doctor or these professions that people deem as highly sought after. I don't even know what those are, so it's not my bias. And he was constantly on you, telling you, why aren't you this? Why aren't you that? And let's say your hobby was to meet up with your mom and have high tea, you know, once a month, and you also loved, you know, I don't know, real housewives.

And he's always like, why are you doing that? Why are wasting your time? What are you doing? What are you doing? Don't let people like that influence you, because at the end of the day, you are not molding. This is not build a bear. This is not build a man. This is not build a woman. You have to respect some kind of freedom and entity that that person possesses as themselves.

If it's not infringing on your life, now I understand if he's doing hobbies every day and he is not making any money and you're working three jobs and you don't even have time to brush your teeth. then is a time management issue. But if you see that he's collecting cards or Pokemon or whatever it is he's doing and you're constantly critical of it and you're telling him to better himself and get a better job, that is not the way to go about it. And if he's doing it to you, then it's a red flag. Blame, that's a huge one.

That's a personality trait that I do not like. And it's a relationship trait that I really feel strongly against. if you see that happening, it's something that I would be very cautious of. If he's constantly blaming you, oh, we're late because of you, oh, this happened because of you, all your this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, it's corrosive and it will deplete you. And as I said, time and time again, the feminine in the relationship needs to be adored by her partner. You need to feel like an absolute bloody queen.

And you might not be one, but in his eyes, you need to feel. like one. And if he's constantly blaming you, it needs to be nipped in the bud and said, I don't respond well to that. Or you can't be with that person. Another one is cruelty. That's hitting you, animals, children, whatever. I would not put up with that for a second. Cruelty in a human being is not something that I think needs to be reproduced on this earth. I think that's a really strong point to make. I don't know if I even should go into it, but I just don't think it should be rewarded if a man is excessively cruel to anyone that is smaller, woman also, then those traits, I think, need to be left with that person and not passed on to children or smaller animals or

anything. So that's a big one for me. And lastly, greed. It's a big one for, I think as a woman, you need to feel like your partner is investing in you and men love after they invest in you. And I don't mean financially, I mean time wise in every single way. Men, feel ownership of you, and not in an ugly way, but in a beautiful way, they feel oneness with you by how much they invest and put into the relationship. And they might say no, and they might comment, no, but it's yes, it's the truth. When they put into their house that they're building, when they put into that car that they're always servicing, when they put into their wife and kids, that's why men don't often leave marriages. Women normally file for divorce. But the point being,

is if you're with a man and you're not married yet and you're together and he's counting every penny it's more so not about the money you can get out of him because who needs to get money out of people anyway that's a ridiculous concept it's more about the fact that he is not going to be a team player with you he's not going to look after you and there might be times when you were going to need that and he might need that too if it's always a division if it's always what's yours and mine if it's always I did this, why aren't you paying for it now? That's a non-starter for a union together of two people. Phrases that will spark the red flag is if a person, if you bring up what they've done, that's hurt you.

And the answer is, I was just joking, that's an inability to shift, change and take you seriously. A true apology consists of a couple of things. Number one, acknowledgement of what you did. Number two, admitting how that might have made the person feel. And number three, how it's not going to happen again. And if it's always, I was just joking and you're sensitive, that's a non-starter for me. Phrase is like, oh, you always want something.

You always don't have enough. You're always asking for something else. That's a huge red flag because that person doesn't see joy, doesn't get joy from your joy. It's absolutely natural to express things you want. Oh, I want this bracelet or oh, I'd love to go to this holiday or I just feel like I need some time off. It's just conversation. And if you cannot express what you want, and one thing that ladies should watch out for is,

if he is coming on to you in a relationship and you always are, oh, you always want this, you always want sex for me, you always want this. You are going to eventually break down sexual connection in your relationship because sexuality is playful and it comes from the playful, useful spirit of both of you. It's not from the paternal or maternal side. It's not from being told off. So if you find yourself talking to your partner like, oh, you always put that there, or where did I say? Don't put that there. You always get that wrong. Oh, you always want something this like telling off motherly or fatherly tone, if you're a man listening to this. Then you will kill the sexual energy. There has to be a playful, youthful feel between you two to sustain sexuality in a long-term relationship. So if you're always accusing

them and say, oh, you always want something, you never satisfied, you're never happy. You need to allow people to express their desires and joys. Another phrase is, oh, you've deserved this, or you don't deserve this, this kind of judicial stance on life where you act like the jury and judge of what that person deserves and doesn't deserve, like you've worked hard enough so you deserve this, or I'll make you a meal because you've deserved this, or et cetera, et cetera. it's not really something you want a man to be saying to you or you've worked two jobs now you can now you can go out with your girlfriends

that's not it classic one is no one else but me would love you even if it's in jest even if it's a joke even if it's in the term of like lucky you've got me no one else would love you that's a very manipulative stance and it's dangerous because it gets into your psyche that person that you're with should make you feel that everyone would want you.

Not talk about it actively, like, I'm not going to God, everyone would want you, but that you're a prize. And last but not least, this one's tough, but they have to have a willingness to adjust to you or change even slightly. The phrase I really don't like is,

well, if you don't like it, then you don't have to be with me. Or could you please, you know, not throw your socks there. Well, if you don't like it, you don't have to be with me. Or could you please not do that or put me down for any friends? if you don't like it, you don't have to be with me. That shows a lack of willingness to compromise and a lack of willingness to humanly connect. It's their way or no way. So I think this is more

of a message to people who get confused because they've been in a place for so long of trying to make it work, trying to make people happy, trying to feel connected, trying to feel belonging. and they're running on a hamster wheel of like me, like me, like me, when in reality you should reframe and be like, is this good enough for me? And I think these traits that are listed here are not good enough. And sometimes walking away from people who commit these traits is the only thing to do.

And if you lose them, it's okay because they will either change or you will realize that you deserve better. Thank you for everyone who subscribes. That allows me to make better, more connected, more in tune content. I love you, lots of so, Jenny Toddson. I'll speak to you on the next one. Bye.

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.