BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 4: 7 Steps To Inspiring Masculine Energy In Him

Episode Date: April 17, 2023

So you have worked on your feminine energy but HOW do you inspire him to step into his masculine? If you want to know the answer to this then this episode is for you! Check out ⁠www.margaritanazarenko.com⁠ for my 20 FEMININE ENERGY PRINCIPLES masterclass and more from me. 20 feminine energy principles : https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesales Amazon book list : https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenko Become Magnetic (Free Ebook): https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/ BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/being-her-with-margarita-nazarenko/id1679077626 https://open.spotify.com/show/7D9nPxiPw7gRcXuUwaVDIH How to become securely attached: https://youtu.be/TDGj1nAt_N8 How to detach: https://youtu.be/9rsLwtsBu6o Business Inquiries: https://www.mgmt.com.au/creator/margarita-nazarenko Email me: [e-mail] Talk To Me: https://snipfeed.co/margaritanazarenko/shoutouts/U2hvdXRvdXQ6NjM2NWM2MzkzYTIyZDMzYTE5MTJiMWZj?canGoBack=true --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beingherwithmargarita/messageSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome to Being Her, the ultimate guide to living your best life as her. Join me, Margarita, on an empowering journey to discover your feminine energy, build meaningful relationships, and find your purpose. Let's dive in and explore all things womanhood together. Ladies, on this episode, we are talking about how to inspire him to be in his masculine energy. Yes, a hotly asked for and do. debated topic, I think, because we can want to be in our feminine energy until the cows come home. Essentially, we feel sometimes that we are stuck in this polarity dichotomy where we already have a man in our life.

This is probably going to apply to you more so if you want to inspire him to be in his masculine energy. But this also applies when you first meet someone and you can, with your actions, push them in the polarity direction that you don't want them to go in. essentially my message has always been partly about self-acceptance and other partly about accountability. So you are never going to come on my podcast. You are never going to go on my YouTube channel and you will never find it that I am here, Molly coddling you.

I am not going to tell you that you are a queen. Yes, go queen, all this. Well, I will if you want me to, but that's not how we make our life better, okay? That's not how we move forward and progress and create any life of meaning. because we cannot just be motivated by self-love and self-acceptance. That is a huge part of femininity. But the second big part is striving to create a life of beauty and meaning and something that you want to live and be a part of.

Now, the part of accountability in having a man that is not in his masculine is that you need to see your part that you have played in it. And if you have truly not played any part in it, then my question, to you is this. Why did you choose a man in his feminine? Why did you choose a man who already behaves that way? And you are with him now. Why was that your choice? Because as far as I know, they weren't giving out men and you weren't lining up with the ice cream truck and that's just the one you ended up with. There was some kind of choice. So was it the fact that you chose him the way he was? Or was it the fact that your actions and your dynamic together now it's his whole also. Yes. I understand.

that has created him to be this way. Now, if it's the first instance that you chose a man and is feminine, then you've got to admit the fact that you maybe like that. Maybe you want that. Maybe you're here listening to this podcast and at the end of it, you're going to turn around to yourself and realize, wait a minute, just because everybody is striving to find a masculine man doesn't mean I need one. There is so much beauty and positivity and having a man in his feminine energy for some people. Now, I have enough wisdom and knowledge in myself, and I'm sure you have that too, in your feminine power, to know what you find attractive and what you want. I know that when I'm with a man in feminine energy, I will, how to put this nicely, become a worse version of myself. All my

negative traits come out. And last but not least, at the end of the day, I do not find him attractive. I don't know what that is. Well, I know psychologically. why that is and biologically why that is, but I have enough self-knowledge to know that I want a man and his masculine because it makes me the most happy in the dynamics of my relationship to have that polarity. Now, I'm very much in my masculine in other times at work when I need to get something done because remember, it's not a gender, it's an energy that we're talking about, right? So there are many times when I am in my masculine energy and that serves me perfectly. But every time I've been in my masculine energy, the pushing, the determining, the

forward moving energy. When I've had the inner relationship, I've always felt unfulfilled and unhappy. And I've felt unloved at the end of the day. When I'm the one steering the relationship and moving forward, I have felt that I do not like myself in that paradigm. Okay. So you've ended up in a situation where you are like, wait a minute, I've learned some things. I've looked into myself and I don't want to be with a man who is in his feminine energy. What am I going to do? Am I going to go to him? and write him an email. Hi, Derek, I'd like you to now be in your masculine. Well, that's not going to work because, number one, you're the one who's been learning these things. You're the one who's been reading up on it. He hasn't. That's not his journey. And you coming with another demand

and another instruction of what he should now do is what? Masculine energy. So you're further propelling the dynamic that you already have. I must warn you, though, before you listen to this podcast that if you decide to change this dynamic and step into your feminine energy, you must understand that there is a chance that you might lose this relationship. Understand that two feminine energy people don't have the polarity that creates that sexual tension and attraction most of the time. There are anomalies and maybe you guys are going to have the best time both being in your feminine energy and he never shifts. You become more feminine and he just stays in his feminine and it's all hunky dory, but usually that doesn't happen. Someone needs to move the

needle. So if he doesn't shift and he remains the way he is, then we've understood one thing, that that is just now who he is, whether he was that way when you chose him, or he's been in that so long now, or he just sees you as a masculine energy woman and he cannot now shift that. You must understand that with every evolution, you might lose the current thing you have. I remember talking to a really close friend of mine who went to a therapy session and they said after having talked to her about her relationship, they said, do you really want to move forward with this and you're healing because when you do, you might no longer find your partner attractive. And the healing had to do with all these other things, not necessarily exactly what she, her relationship issues. But at the

end of the day, when you change how you operate in this world and when you heal things that are unhealed, it's not that you end up leaving that partner. It's the fact that you just don't feel the pull towards them anymore. And that's the thing that might happen. Now, most of the time, my belief is that a man will step into his masculine if you employ and deploy the things that I'm about to tell you. But sometimes they don't, and that is just the reality. And if you go on this journey of stepping into your feminine energy, then that is the risk you take. But it's a wonderful risk and it is one that I believe is worth taking and it's a journey worth going on because you will be in this really flourishing happy and fulfilled place.

Number one, most important action that you must take is a lack of action and that is to stop controlling and instructing him. This is the hardest thing for somebody of my personality type. So when I say this to you, I don't want you to think I take it flippantly or easily. This is serious for me. I feel I need to control things because I think I didn't grow up with a lot of stability in my life. And I feel that if I control things, outcomes situations, somehow I'll have a grasp on the outcome and the reality of how things happen. It feels very dangerous for me to let things go. And I'm sure a lot of you will relate. That's why we do things like message the guy we're

dating and ask if he's definitely on for... If you've ever wanted to make a podcast, If you've got something to say, which I think all of you do, Spotify has a platform for you that you can do it really easily on. All in one place, it's free and you can even earn money. Spotify for podcasters lets you record and edit podcasts right from your phone or computer, which is what I do. So no matter what your setup is, it's not complicated to start creating today. Then you can distribute it everywhere that podcasts are listened to. Then you can even monetize it. You can do a Q&A section, you can do polls and all these amazing things.

Basically, it was really, really easy for me to do. For me, the obstacle was the tech aspect. And I know a lot of you wanted to hear from me. So Spotify made it possible for me to create this podcast. So I'm really grateful. Download the Spotify for podcasters app or go to www. Spotify.com forward slash podcasters to get started. tonight. That's why we say, oh, if you haven't picked a restaurant, let me just

give you a few suggestions, because we do not want to play within the territory of him forgetting or him not creating something that is worth going to. So we decide to control it. So we find this poor sod of a guy who we control and we instruct and we tell him what to do because that is our level of safety, because we are afraid of being hurt and we're afraid of things going wrong. and at the end of the day, we wake up with him three years later, and we have created the exact opposite of what we want. It takes some level of risk and some level of uneven groundedness in order to put your trust in someone.

But if you want a masculine man, I'm not saying you should meet him on one date and trust him from then on. What I'm saying is you should meet him on day one and let him be himself. Trust that he can be himself. He does not need you to instruct him. He does not need you to tell him what to do. Because at the end of the day, and this is the biggest takeaway from this message, is that do you not want to see who he is if he's left to his own devices?

And do you not want to fall in love with someone else, as opposed to a version of yourself? It's like he's Frankenstein and you've made him and you're the scientist. But he's always going to be a weird, discombobulated monster of a version of himself. because it's you trying to create someone out of someone else. It's not a reality that you can fall in love with. Because essentially you're projecting some kind of needs onto a person. Why not let them be themselves if they are going out all the time when you first start dating.

If they are disrespecting you, if they're doing this, that and the other, stop trying to control and instruct that person on how to be better. Let that person be themselves and see them for who they are. Ask yourself, do I need this person in my life? do I want to be with them and just go through the feeling of that shit unsafeness that you have to sometimes walk through in order to get to the other side. But it will let you see who that person truly is. And setting a boundary means saying, I don't like that. If you want to be with me, I would not appreciate if you do that. And if they do not adhere to that, then they're not

the person for you. But controlling them is going to take them out of their masculine and put you in the masculine in the driver's seat. And it's going to leave you listening to this podcast asking, why is my man not in his masculine? Well, you've been mothering him for this whole time. And secondly, which is the second point, you've been nagging him. You feel that you've met this other human being and you live together and they haven't washed their plates and they haven't done their dishes and they haven't done this one and the other one. And the way to get that done is by nagging and going on. I heard this really interesting TikTok the other day where a woman is responding to a guy who said, hey, why is it that ex-wives after a relationship always get hot?

And she's like, well, buddy, because there's three types of husbands. Husband number one is who doesn't help around the house. Husband number two is who does it begrudgingly. And husband number three is the one who does it naturally. And if you're one of the first two husbands, then your wife is so run down because she does everything and she's nagging you that she hasn't got time for herself. she's just got to look after the children. I'm sitting there, I'm listening to this, and I'm thinking,

is there something I don't understand? Because, sure, I have a level of intelligence where I can view a piece of information and deduct something from it. And I'm listening to this and I'm thinking, but how does that change what he said? As in, how does that change her situation? It's her choice to have been nagging him, to have let herself get in a psychological state where she's that run down. Now, if you don't know me, I am a mum, I have a husband, and he is on the spectrum of men who are not

intuitive, connected, and see everything that needs to be done. So I'm talking from real experience. I'm going to tell you something about life. My love, it is on you how you let yourself be treated. Yes, part of that is being able to walk away and deciding you will not have that anymore. But listen to this. How is it that she can now look after herself? What have her children disappeared after the divorce? No, she's still looking after her children. Has her housework reduced?

No, she's still doing the housework. Has she stopped working? No, she's still working. So my theory on this isn't the fact that, oh yes, men shouldn't help and she should still look hot. No, that's a completely different subject and a completely different conversation. My thing is, don't make yourself the, slave of the household, trying to, as I always say it, be good as opposed to be happy.

Let stuff go. Stop nagging. Not your responsibility. Because you might say where she's become hot after the divorce is because she doesn't have to look after him also. Well, guess what, my love, if he's not helping in the household, you don't have to look after him either. That's a privilege.

You should be putting yourself first, your health first, you're feeling good first, so that you can look after your children. So exactly how you would do if you divorced him and how you'd glow up, do that within the relationship. Instead of nagging, ask him once and hire someone else. Stop nagging. Walk away from it. Put all his shit in his office. I don't know what you have to do because I don't know your exact relationship, but the last thing you need to do is become this nagging, resentful, aggressive woman who's going to drive everyone away from you, including your children.

The amount of stories I hear from people growing up, because obviously everyone was a child once about how their mom was always grumpy, da-da-da, and I get it. The load is unreal. I find myself and I catch myself feeling that. But you are not going to push someone into their masculine and getting them to help you and getting them to cherish you by nagging. Honestly, if it's that bad, you might as well work on a solution where you see a therapist or a third party.

But nagging does not help. thirdly playfulness humor and likeness is the key to shifting how he acts with you that is literally the key and it might be hard to imagine being playful with a man who is in his feminine doesn't plan doesn't do doesn't approach doesn't this doesn't that you need to try to inject that into your life because i want your relationship to work there is an element in your part partner that is masculine and that wants to make you happy. And he needs to see that playfulness in you where you can joke things off, where things aren't taken too seriously, where there is a lightness and a humor between you. Because if everything is serious and everything is dire and

everything is final, it becomes very hard in order to do things to please you. Also, when he does things to please you, they're often wrong. That often happens. He didn't do it right. You don't like it. You don't like it. When he plans to go to the cinema because the cinema is far away, all these things. You need to lighten your energy. Number four is you need to tell him what your plans, ideas and dreams are. Not in a, why haven't you done this, Jerry? Why haven't you done this? But in a, this is what I want. I would really love a country home. I would really love this planted tree in the corner, from the big to the small things, ideas that you have in your life, that you want to embody, that you want to live and that you want to bring to fruition.

You need to tell him with an excitement and you need to give him inspiration of what he can do for you. Now, there is one part where you need to give him those ideas and inspiration. And there's another part in feminine wisdom where you ask him to do things just above his current performance or just above his current ability. So instead of saying if you both work in a job which allows you to go to Wendy's on the weekend, instead of saying you want to go to the most expensive restaurant, you could pick something just above Wendy's. Now this is a ridiculous example, but go with me. Something that he feels he can achieve. And once he achieves that,

you just raise the roof. You are so excited. You're going to give that human being a sense of achievement and a sense of striving in his masculine energy in order to get amplified and emotions back from you. If you say, oh my God, you don't have a house like, you know, John down the road, that's not it. It's going to make him feel defeated and depleted and depleted and it's going to make him just want to sit down and do nothing. If the guy's already not in his masculine energy, he's been in his feminine for so long, it's going to be difficult to amp him up by making him jealous about other men. That's not the way. You need to give him achievable things just above what he can already do or what he already does, and that is how you use your feminine wisdom.

If you don't know what those things are, you need to sit down with yourself and study and think, who is this person I'm with? How can I get our family to where we want to go, and what can I do? Next, you need to admire his actions, current and previous. Actions, not attributes, not your eyes are so blue and your shoulders are so wide, but real appreciation in his actions. His masculine can only be amplified if he sees you, the feminine, notice the masculine contribution, which is decisiveness, goal orientation, all those things. You need to admire the actions he takes current and previous. And the kicker, if you really want to amp this up, is tell people in his presence, not in a weird, corny way, but how you admire and how proud you are of him for those things.

not how he looks not oh my god guys his eyes are so blue but like oh my god he wanted to book this hotel and i was like no way is that going to happen and he did it i can't believe he did it like he found a room in front of other people if he does things wrong do not fly off the handle and notice these things i know it can be really frustrating when you are the one who's across everything and doing everything but it's going to take some time for the shift to happen of him stepping up and doing stuff wrong trust me, I live with a man, I understand, it's crazy making. But you need to step aside. And while you're trying to put him into his masculine energy, you need to be going into your feminine. What are you doing there, standing there controlling how he pulls the cereal? Go away. Go somewhere else.

Find a hobby. Do something. Create a podcast. Start a YouTube channel. Open a salon. I don't know. Do something. Play with your children. Why are you standing there, micromanaging him? and then crying that he's not in his masculine. I think there's a lot of conversation online about toxic masculinity, which consists obviously of all the things we know, the patriarchy, control, you know, oppression. They're stronger than us. But nobody talks about toxic femininity.

And for me, we do have a power of emotion and psychology over men. I believe we are stronger that way. I believe that we excel that way. And I believe that we have control over that. and to constantly berate someone and control someone and then put them down when they get it wrong is a form of toxic femininity. We've seen our friends do it. We've seen our grandmas do it. We've seen our moms do it where they beat a guy down who, you know, ironically, what I find most hilarious is that we never do it to men who are players or ghost us or aren't around. We're kind of quiet,

submissive to them and we try our best because we don't want to lose them. But when a guy is loyal to us and he's here for us, what we do is we just trample him down with this kind of like subliminal, constant, nagging and berating. And the sad thing about it is, is that which men are getting rewarded? When do men get to feel most masculine? Probably when they do the actions that I said before, the being a player, the cheating, they get most respect from women and they get to feel most masculine because that's what men want.

They want to feel masculine, right? But yet when he commits to you and you guys start living together and start a family, how you treat him is by controlling. And look, I am not sitting here from a place of it's you and not me. This is in all women. We have very, very strong emotional power and we can use it. So I want to encourage you to be careful with what you do. You need to understand that your way isn't always the best way. My love, if you are born knowing the best way for everything and how to do everything,

then you should be the president of the world by now. Except that people around you know how to do things also. Except that if you're in a union with somebody, they're going to be better at you at some things. Understand that by proving somebody constantly wrong, you are not always winning. That is not how you win. By making someone feel terrible around you, that is not how you win. You win by amplifying both of your separate and different strengths. and moving forward together.

You need to also focus on you, not him. Our hyper focus on the man that we're with and trying to chisel at him and like a monkey groom him into perfection is beyond psychotic. To be in your feminine, you need to focus on yourself, focus on what makes you happy

because you getting that happiness from the world, from nature, from yourself is something that you can give back to your family. Because when you're depleted, your family's going to be depleted. You are the energetic center of your home. which is your family.

So you need to be looking after yourself. So stop focusing on him and micromanaging him because when you take that laser light of focus off him and trying to make him into something and just let him be and make his mistakes and do what he's got to do and you're going to see him for who he truly is, you at the same time will have had your glow up,

like in that example I gave of the divorced wife. Do that within your relationship. Go start putting yourself first. You're scared they're going to call you selfish? Good. Be selfish. Be selfish. Be selfish. So sue me. Why can't you be selfish? It makes everyone else happy. We think us standing there over everyone, gilting them into some kind of life that we want is going to make them happy. It's not. Next is praise more than you deprecate. You need to praise people. Just speak light into

him and truly believe in him. You need to, if you want him to be as masculine, to truly believe in him. need to understand how you see him is pivotal to his success. There's been research and studies and books written on the fact that if you're in a relationship with a man and you look down on him, he's going to find it very hard to succeed in life and eventually that couple breaks up. But if you see the best in him, he will eventually get that. I think because women are very, we're close to creator, right? We can create life. So there's something about us that we have a power that we can create a reality. we constantly think on things too right if you think your husband's a jerk or your partner's a jerk you're thinking about it constantly you're manifesting this reality into the world you're thinking thinking thinking

and your thoughts and your words become a reality so you need to deploy belief in him even if you think you're with the biggest loser and you're on the verge of leaving but you haven't left right and you're still listening to this podcast take this chance instead of constantly thinking horrible things about him try seeing the best things in him because you haven't left right so if you haven't left let's try it let's try seeing the positives in this person and reward him instead of punishing him you can be disappointed when he does things that are disappointing but try instead praising the things he does do lastly is you need to show him you need him you don't need to show him you need to do it all on your own and prove that to him relying on him doesn't make you

you less powerful. There's this huge misconception, independent, independent, I'm going to be more powerful, independent. Why do you want to be lonely? I don't understand. I am here. I want to rely on everybody. I want to be communal with everybody. Will I crumble and die without them? No. Can I do it on my own? Yes. I think because, like I said before, I'm raised by so many independent women, it's not something I need to prove. I don't need to run around screaming. I'm an independent woman. And it's like saying being a table and shouting on the table. Like I understand I'm a table. Cool.

I've got four legs. Of course I'm independent. Every human being can be independent. We can all survive on our own. But what's the point? Tell him you need him. Ask him for things. Ask him for help.

Don't always act like you've got this. Why don't you just stop having got this all the time and try relying on people? What are you scared of? They'll let you down? What are you scared of that you're going to ask? for too much and they're going to leave you? Don't you want to know if that's going to happen before it's too late? Ironically, men often give what the women expect. I saw another piece of content which said men don't go 50-50 with their dream girl because when the dream girl expects something,

he is so excited to deliver it to her. But if you're going 50-50 with him and bartering with him of how you can possibly be with him, just to be with him, and acting independent and that you need nothing from him, just to be with him. Well, you're letting him slip into his feminine energy. Why don't you start requesting things? Ask for things. Say, no, I can't do it. I want you to do it. Because I can't. Last but not least, this is the last point I'm going to make, is you need to inspire him with your feminine gaze. You've got so much power. We know about the masculine gaze, right? But you've got so much power in your feminine gaze, he chose you, he finds you attractive, he thinks of you as a person who is gorgeous. So why don't you look at him like he is so amazing, so masculine,

so hot, so all of this. Make yourself somebody who he's addicted to because in your eyes, he feels like the most masculine person in the world. Let you be that place where he feels like superhero. And why not? Oh yeah, why should he feel that way? Why should he feel that way when I do everything? Well, stop doing everything. First of all, baby, okay, stop doing everything. Relie on him, praise him and be like, wow, you are amazing. What have you got to lose? Maybe, just maybe he'll go into his masculine and worship you. Gosh, would that be so terrible? And maybe the real fear is that if he is like that, then it's really scary that you're actually relying on him, that you actually love him, that you're not looking down on him anymore.

And he's not just a stain on your sofa who just lies there and does nothing and you've got to make all the decisions for. That you're actually with a man who you look up to. And then that is scary, isn't it? Because if you lose him, it's way more painful. But maybe that's just a risk you need to take. Guys, thank you so much for listening. I love talking to you here. Please subscribe to this podcast and give it a five-star rating if you enjoyed it.

That would mean I can create more on here and have amazing guys. and do amazing solo episodes. Also check out my feminine energy course, which will help you get into your feminine energy and not just him into his masculine. And I'll see you on the next one. Love you, Los Angeles, like Jolie Tots. See you next Tuesday.