BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 40: 6 Signs He Is Using You & Does NOT See A Future Together.

Episode Date: December 25, 2023

I really think the worst thing is seeing a woman being strung along by a man who sees no future with her. Here are your 6 signs. 20 feminine energy principles:https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesalesPolarity MasterClass (20 secrets to long lasting attraction & love) :https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/polarity-masterclassAmazon book list:https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenkoBecome Magnetic (Free Ebook):https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/Email me: [e-mail]:Mindbloom: For $100 off your first six-session program, sign up at Mindbloom.com/beingher and use promo code beingherPlease note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. One of the most painful and infuriating things to see is when a woman is with a man and she cannot, for the life of her, recognize the fact that he is using her. He is not in this relationship for any kind of long-term connection, long-term life building, long-term anything. He is simply with her because it's convenient for him at the time. and because we have this nature as us women do, where we like to see the best in people, not all of us.

When I make these absolutes, please understand that I'm talking about 90% of the cases, right? And for some reason, and the biggest reason that I am against this, by the way, is because we have a finite amount of time, us women. No matter how you swing that cat, you and I don't have the length that a man has to build his future and his life.

And we know that red pill thing that's come out talking about, oh, you know, we want her to be under 25 and a virgin and all this stuff. And if she's had a relationship in the past, if she's had children, she's not worth it. That's all BS. I don't care about that. Human value is not predicated and measured on being under 25 and a virgin. That's ridiculous. But every movement that comes out kind of takes things to an extreme. But the only thing that they did get right, not the only thing, but one of the things they got right is the fact that you actually, you, my love, Rebecca, Amanda.

up, whoever you are listening to this, don't have the amount of time that a man has. You don't have the time for him to sit around and take up your 20s and 30s and then decide that he doesn't want that and now you can't have a family because he can trot off at 40 years old and have a whole five children if he wants to. You can't do that. You have to understand that your time is more precious. Your time is more precious because you just don't have the infinity of time. And maybe you're sitting here right now going, oh, you know what? I don't even know if I want kids. I don't even know if I want marriage. It doesn't matter.

Your time is still finite and precious, because he might be blossoming in his 50s. I don't know. I read a study the other day that says a man's frontal lobe only fully develops into the personality he's going to finally have at 43. That's fantastic for him. That's fantastic for him being 43.

But for women is like 25. So I don't want you to mistake these things for his indecisiveness. Your train is moving faster than he. his. If he's not sure, he can be unsure not on your time. So I've compiled this list of six things, some are obvious, some are not obvious, some might not be obvious to everyone. Like, you might hear these six things and be like, oh my God, that's the guy I'm dating. Who knows? But it infuriates me when I see a woman giving the time to a guy and vice versa that isn't interested, but women don't often do this. They don't often string a man along in these type of ways that I'm about to

mention, like living together, creating a whole life together, but she's not interested. Women don't invest that kind of time. She might string along two guys because she's not sure which one she likes more in the dating phase, yes. But this whole pretending to build a life scenario, that's a man specialty right there. So thing number one, the most obvious, and you might not find it obvious, but it's the most obvious to me and it's most obvious to your auntie and your mom and your friend and everybody who's looking at you is if he lives on your expense. He doesn't play. He doesn't line to change it. He's been trying to find a job for four years. He's trying to find himself on your time. He's trying to study for a new career, but he's hardly studying. It is not

male nature to watch the woman that you adore and want as the mother of your children, aka want to look after, AKA want to provide for. It's not in the male nature to watch that happen and not do anything about it. So if he's been watching you, you work for one year and he's playing his PlayStation. He is on his World of Warcraft. He is living his life. Let me tell you right now in not so many words. He is using you for the convenience of having someone support him. I'm going to say this from a very human point of view. When I was 18 years old and I really wanted to leave my mum's house, I lived with friends and then I also dated a guy and I lived with him. It wasn't because I thought he was the one. He didn't. He didn't. He didn't.

want me to be the one either, right? So at that age, you don't really, you're not, I wasn't looking for the one, he wasn't looking for the one. We both had deficits in that relationship, but we lived together and we moved in together because we were like, cricky, Christ, I don't want to live with my parents anymore. And it's just like an arrangement of convenience, but he's also your boyfriend, so he's a little bit close to you than some random friends at university, and that can happen. But in this scenario that I'm talking about, the reason it's not fair is because you are as a woman are investing into this relationship thinking that you are investing in your future husband.

This man is not your future husband. He is watching you work yourself into the ground because it's convenient for him. This is not two uni students throwing in their money together so they can leave home and they can study. This is a grown man living on your expense and trust and believe

as the sky is blue and as the leaves are green, if he's watching you work and kill yourself at two jobs, paying everything, and he's trying to find himself, He does not love you. He is using you. And he does not see you as his woman. He's not protecting you as that. He sees you as a workhorse. If you want to know more about the workhorse vibe, go on to my website, go on to 20 feminine energy principles and learn about that there. Number two, he does not want to build a future with you. He does not talk about marriage, kids, places you're going to go to life you're going

to build together. He avoids it. He doesn't want to bring that up. He has excuses. He doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't bring it up himself. One of the best things that I love to talk about with my husband is about like what we're going to do, what we're going to build, how we're going to work this out, what are we going to do? Like, this is the year of doing this. This is the year of doing that. In couples that are committed, that's a really common conversation. And the reason it's very dangerous is because it will destroy your mental health as a woman to not be chosen by the guy you are with. Because trust and believe he's planning what car he's going to buy.

he's planning all his little things he's going to do but yet he doesn't want to plan anything with you he's avoidant of it that's because he isn't brave enough to tell you that you're a placeholder and you are not in his future again you my love don't have the time to waste and to wait that he does just because of biological reproductive stages i hate that you hate that it'll be great to have kids in our 50s etc etc but men and women are built different and we can create life and we have a superpower that they don't have. I watched an interview with Johnny Depp and he said something along the lines of the fact that women don't feel the need to prove themselves or start wars or do hideous things because they already know that they have a superpower and that is bringing life into this world.

If men had that, then they might not have such violent outbursts. Look, this is Johnny Depp. He's not some kind of philosopher. He's not some kind of, you know, person that you should be guided on about this. But there is a truth to it in terms of the fact that you have the superpower, but you also, having had that superpower as somebody who can create life and know what you can do, you have a finite time to do it. So don't just give it away to a guy who's being unsure and your time doesn't want apply the future with you. And a lot of women come back to me and they're like, oh, so how, when should I have the conversation? When should I have the conversation about like, oh, so what are we doing? What's this relationship about? You don't want to talk about the future with me. You don't want to

have the relationship future talk. And I say time and time again, you should not be the one bringing up the relationship future talk. A woman with a healthy self-esteem is not going to play the wifie role before she is his wife, before he has decided that she is that person for him. She is not going to live in his house, move her life for him, sacrifice everything in her life, sacrifice her education, sacrifice all these things, have his children, all this stuff, without him being sure about her. So you know in yourself, if you have a healthy self-esteem, you don't even have to worry about having that conversation. Because until he's had that conversation with you

and until he's building future plans with you, you are not playing wife roles. You are not living with him. You are not doing his things for him. You are amazingly nice to him. You are his girlfriend. You are going on dates. You are doing all the funs.

Do whatever you want to do. But basically the rule is don't do anything that comes at a sacrifice to you because trust and believe you sacrifice for your children and you sacrifice for your husband and I do it for my mom and my family in a heartbeat. You're not going to do it for a boyfriend.

Anything that makes you feel like now I need something in return for this, now I feel resentful. Whether that be for you sleeping with him, that could be that for you, whether that could be for you moving to another country for him, so he can pursue his job, that could be that for you. For me, I didn't do any wife things before I got married

because I didn't want to build up that resentment. I want to be a happy, playful person. I want to be attractive to the universe and to people around me. I'm not going to push myself to a place where I'm not happy. Why should I do that for somebody? So, you don't need to bring up the conversation. And the cherry on the cake

is, if he's not bringing it up either, and you're not living together, then you're dating other people. If he's not sure, you're not sure. It's very simple. When it comes to anxiety and depression, I have always been somebody who has been able to wade through the trenches of both of those feelings. For me, anxiety was something that played a big role in my first postpartum experience. That's why I've implemented ways in which I won't feel that way in my second one.

However, there are friends I have who have not been. so fortunate to be able to wade through it, especially after the global issues that we're having at the moment, and they need more help, which is where Mind Bloom comes in. Mind Bloom is a leader in ketamine therapy, having helped tens of thousands of people overcome their anxiety and depression. Mind Bloom's expert clinicians and guides can help you feel better in days, not weeks, and you can complete treatment entirely from the comfort of your home, which is a huge bonus. In a study of over 1,000 Mind Bloom clients, 89% reported improvements in their anxiety and depression after only four sessions.

Now, Mind Bloom has new programs that go beyond depression and anxiety to help you overcome challenges in everyday life. Right now, Mind Bloom is offering our listeners $100 off your first six session program when you sign up to Mindbloom.com slash being her and use promo code Being Her. break free from your anxiety and depression and feel better, faster with Mindbloom. Mindbloom.com slash being her and use promo code being her. I wish you the best of luck. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp, for sponsoring this episode.

There has been some pivotal times in my life where I felt like therapy needs to take center stage. It's been in times when I've felt a change coming, like when I go. got married when I moved countries, which I've done several times. I moved countries as a child, but I moved to Australia from England in my 20s and I got married here and I didn't know people here and therapy really helped me with that. Now I'm having my second child. I had my first three years ago and I wish I'd used better help because you don't need to leave your house. You can be matched with a therapist within 48 hours. And if you don't like them, if you don't bond, which I think is

really important. You can easily change to another one that you can talk to more easily because you don't know who you're going to bond with and that is the key. It is very simple. You do it from your home. You can do it on a voice call or you can do it on video call or you can do it by texting, which when I have a newborn is going to be quintessential. So I really want to give that gift to myself. If you think that it's going to be helpful for you, I would encourage you to put that in your Life. Therapy is really quintessential. In this season of giving, give yourself what you need with better help. So visit betterhelp.com slash being her today to get 10% of your first month. I really recommend it, guys. That's better help help.com slash being her and prioritize yourself.

Number three, he only connects with you when he's sad. That means you've fallen into the mummy roll. That means you've fallen into, he needs a comfort in his life, he's feeling sad, something's gone wrong, his friend hasn't shown up, somebody else dumped him, and those guys are the ones who love to text suddenly and get the affirmation. And girls love it. They're like, oh my God, he hasn't texted me and he's suddenly messaging me again. It means he's interested. No, it means the girl that he was interested in, isn't interested, and he wants a boost from you. If he shows up and only reaches out, like those people, you know those people who, when they DM you, you know that within three messages, they're going to ask you for a favor because they never actually message you.

And they're like, oh, hi, so how have you been? Long time no speak. What do you want? What do you want, Amanda? Because I know you're about to ask me for something. This is the same type of guy. So if he's only showing up when things aren't going right and he needs a little bit of a boost and a support, beware. If he's not inviting you to fund things and to do cool stuff and he's only a when he needs his mummy, then he's not interested. And you need to be very conscious of yourself and be very wary, because if you're the type of person who enjoys this kind of relationship, then you have a savior complex,

and you have it in yourself that you need to save these men, and that is how you're going to bring value to yourself. Number four, forgetfulness. He forgets what's important to you. He forgets anniversaries. He forgets every date you've ever had, everything you've ever set. Somehow he doesn't remember when you're tired.

somehow he doesn't remember when you need him to take over. Sometimes it's always you chasing, chase, chase and chasing him. He is just in his own world and not in a kind of oops, I've forgotten kind of way, but in a real your life doesn't matter kind of way. He forgets your birthdays, if it gets your health checks, when you've had to go to an appointment for like a health scare, he forgets to call you and ask you how you're doing. And not once or twice.

And the really good example I like to think of when I talk about this because my husband's notoriously late. If the person is late for you and you notice they're late, how do you decipher if it's rudeness or lateness and it's chronic to them? This is how. When they're flying somewhere, do they miss their flight? My husband, for example, might miss his flight. He is forgetful and his time is just ridiculous, right? So it's not personal to you. I can tell that to people he's meaning it's not personal to you. He would miss the Queen of England if she was coming, okay? It's personal to you if he's on time for everything else, but not for you. If he remembers all his friends' stuff,

but he doesn't remember your stuff. And this kind of thing can really put you in a negative mind space. You could really start to feel in your life like, oh, it's okay. I'll just buy my own presents. I'll just buy my own flowers, Miley Cyrus. I'll just do my own thing. And that's not a healthy mindset to be in because you've adjusted your boundaries and your bar of what you want set.

You as a human being have the right to expect kindness and people to remember fun things about you, your birthday or like something exciting happening, or go to. your graduation and by suppressing constantly the fact that oh i don't need that oh it's fine i'll just buy myself flowers you're actually losing your authenticity it's much more dangerous than you think it's not just something that you should put on the side and be like it's okay i'll just look after myself it's such a sad disposition to be in because you're losing your authentic self you're losing your true nature but in this you need to decipher are you somebody who expects like crazy things like for him to remember the first time you and your cat had an anniversary of him sneezing

the first time, you need to be realistic. But if he forgets all the meaningful things to you and he doesn't prioritize you and your needs, then he is using you and in an emotional way. You're just not a priority to him. Number five, off the back of number four, is he only talks about himself. He interrupts you. He talks about his wants and likes. he only talks about that time when him and his broers went fishing he changes the subject when you're

talking about your thing he acts like he was you weren't even talking oh sorry you're like oh you know and then she said he's like oh oh look at that look at that tree that tree my friend that tree I'm talking I am talking here it might seem innocent and it might seem like he's just forgetful but you can often spot this type of guy on a date like when you first start dating them he should be interested in you because he is interested in how to woo you and how to make you happy and make you seduced by him and make you, you know, fall in love with him. So if he's just using you as an earpiece and talking your ear off and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, either he is using you just for that, for that ego boost, or he has no manners and that's

somebody who you don't want to be around anyway because it's going to drain you. A man should be asking you things on a date about yourself. And sure, you should both be talking about both of you, but if he has no interest in your reality, in your hobbies, in your friends, and listening to you, then that's the type of person you don't want to be around. Last but not least, in a long-term relationship, and this is perhaps the most painful one, if all responsibility, and my favorite thing about being with a man and men in general is when they love you, they take responsibility. That is their biggest love language. If all responsibility

is on you, work, child care, birthdays, organization, home, everything. And he is busy and he is tired, or he has something else bigger going on, or he just doesn't want to contribute. You have taken on the masculine role, and that is dangerous for your happiness in the long term. unless of course you like the masculine role and you just want him as a pet hamster at home and you find him adorable and cute and you sometimes will sleep with him or I don't know what you keep him around for maybe he's funny or something then that's all fine and if it doesn't make you feel resentful then Merry Christmas happy birthday you have won the prize but what is going to do is push you into your masculine energy you are essentially doing both the role of

a man and a woman in the relationship he is doing nothing and you are going to going to lose your feminine energy. You are going to run yourself into the ground. You are not going to be happy. You are not going to be lit up. You are not going to be joyous in this life and you're going to be resentful because listen to me. What is the purpose of him? What is the purpose of him in your house? If you want a pet, that's fine, like I said, but usually that doesn't make a woman happy. That doesn't make her feel cherished. That does not make her feel loved. That doesn't make her feel held up. If you are living together, he is not working. He's not taking care of the kids.

He's not pulling his weight. He isn't doing anything. That is my sign. And the biggest sign that he is using you. He is using you as a placeholder. He is using you until he finds the one he wants to be with. And men do put themselves in this position that we as women don't understand. That's why we often are used for years and years and years and years because we would never be with a man in this capacity and have a whole life with him and just live on his expense and do nothing.

and I know men are going to say, yeah, but gold diggers do that. Well, not really. Gold diggers often want to have a long-time relationship with that guy and dig that gold for a long time, actually. You know what I mean? Like, they don't want to lose that connection. Men, on the other hand, are like, well, this is comfy, this is cozy. I'll even have kids with her. She can even raise them for me.

She can do all the work, and I'll just be here, like a stain on the sofa, doing nothing. And that makes them feel quite happy with themselves. And that is just so, so dangerous. If you're in that position, please know. that there is a man out there who would want to take responsibility for you, who would want to see you happy, who would not be forgetful, who would want to see you smile, who would want to share expenses, let alone tick on their expenses of family life for you and build a future with you.

So please don't let people use you as a placeholder. You are so much more than that. You are someone's dream. Thank you for everyone who subscribes. I really appreciate you. And it makes the effort worth it. I'll see you on the next. Bye.

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.