BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 41: 11 Steps To SELF WORTH. Listen To This & Change Your Life.

Episode Date: January 1, 2024

Self worth is the start of so many amazing things in life, listen to this for the 11 steps to gain self esteem.20 feminine energy principles:https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesalesPolarity MasterClass (20 secrets to long lasting attraction & love) :https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/polarity-masterclassAmazon book list:https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenkoBecome Magnetic (Free Ebook):https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/Email me: [e-mail]:Dreamland Baby: Go to dreamlandbabyco.com and enter my code BEINGHER at check out to receive 20% off sitewide + free shippingPlease note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. The first step to self-worth is, of course, fake it till you make it. It's an external portion of self-worth and self, that juiciness of like loving this experience of selfhood. It's a really strange expression, but in a world that is already so self-oriented and so selfish and so me, me, me, I don't want you to think that this episode is about how to love yourself more. It's more about that level of self-worth and we're going to go into otherness and togetherness a little bit later. But first, I want to start with the external and go inwards.

Fake it till you make it applies very much to, as I've spoken before, manufacturing your looks. I have been average. I have been deemed attractive. I have been invisible. I have been every spectrum of human looks. And you might disagree because I've never been a man. I've never been an older woman yet. I've never been a few things.

And you know what? Maybe there's other lives and maybe I'll come back as something else and maybe I'll be a cat. But I have learnt very much that looks are manufactured by the way you act, by the way you appear to others, by the way you see yourself and therefore see that refa. and other people's eyes. Growing up, I felt very average as a child.

I was told often that I'm average. I even remember being pulled aside by my mom's friends and being like, hey, you know, those girls you're playing with, they're all very pretty. You need to be a little bit more athletic. You need to look after yourself, more eat right, and then you can be as pretty as them. And I was 10 years old and I was shook off. I was like, oh my God, I'm not a pretty girl. I'm not like them.

Why is somebody telling me this? and it was my first realization of my appearance in the world. Before that, I just felt like a child. I didn't really identify as pretty or not. And then growing up, I was really awkward. As a teenager, I remember having acne and people asking me, what's wrong with your face? In the way that, you know, a 14-year-old might ask, you know,

what's wrong with your face? I as an adult haven't had acne problems, so it's not something I identify with in my current life. But as a teenager, it was wearing my hair down, wearing it over my face, and not letting people see it. And then, through a series of events, I decided to do Miss Universe in the UK.

And when I went to see a pageant coach who was a friend of my mum's and he was like, listen, the face, the hair, the body, everything, is just you're not going to be able to do Miss Universe. And this was in the, I don't remember, 2000, maybe 10, maybe 2013. I don't remember, something like this.

And it was a time when you could talk about having a certain look and only being able to pass with that look. So it was about weight loss. It was about working out. It was about this, that and the other. It wasn't like so much body acceptance as there is now. But I sat down with myself and I was like, okay, so let me see this mathematical equation. If I want to look like those girls that are doing Miss Universe, and at the time it was like Donald Trump Miss Universe, you know, like the glitzy, glamorous Vegas Miss Universe, if I want to appear like that, what does a girl like that act like? What does she eat? What does she do? And it wasn't about me, making myself into somebody else, I already decided I am that girl. It was like playing a role.

And because I think I went on to do acting training, I trained for four years, I did stage acting, then I did TV. I already had that in me where I was like, okay, let's play this role. I'm going to be this Miss Universe chick, and I fully played it. I got to a point where I realized that how you present yourself, how you speak, you walk out on stage, because a lot of the pageantry and Miss Universe at the time is about, you know, they're asking your questions as you walk out on stage and all of these things. And from acting also, I learned that when you walk out on stage, you are presenting a character.

You are playing a character. How is the audience supposed to know if you're Lady Macbeth or if you're a servant in the stage play in Shakespeare? How do they know if you're the little impish elf in Midsummer Night's Dream or what you are? It's by how you present yourself and how you walk out. So I thought, okay, I'm female. I'm 170 centimetres tall, which is on the short side for Miss Universe, but you know what, we move, we'll put on heels.

How can I present myself? And I realize you can manufacture it all. And I know what you're thinking right now, oh, but my facial features, oh, but my background, oh, but this, but that, but the other. I'm sorry. Look at Linda Evangelista. She hasn't got the most straightforward nose. She's a supermodel.

There's always an exception to the rule. It's about the belief in yourself, and I think the first thing in developing self-worth, if you're coming from zero and you've just sat down and you're like, I'm sick of this. I want a life which is self-determined and I want to love the experience of being me because there is nothing that feels as amazing as loving being the avatar that you are. It's just a pleasurable experience. Then I would say, imagine you are the person you want to be like I did with the Miss Universe portion of my life.

Forget who it is you think you are at the moment. Act as if you are that person now. eat the food that they would eat because that chick who you want to be, or that guy who you want to be, doesn't have that issue of like, oh, but I want a donor. Forget the donor. Forget the donor. You've got one life, and I know they market it towards you. It's very easy.

It's ultra-processed. It's convenient. We can talk in another episode about processed foods and how they affect your brain and everything. But if you haven't seen my life change videos about keto diet and everything like that on YouTube, check them out. It literally changes. It can change your brain and your energy. Decide, I'm not that type of person who's going to care about donuts. I'm the type of person who cares about forward movement in my life, writing a book, doing something incredible. I care about those things. I'm not going to fixate about a stupid donut. I'm done.

I'm not going to fixate on it. It's not something I care about. And your brain, due to cognitive dissonance, will close the gap. If you believe you are something, your brain will do its utmost job to close that gap. Because what the brain hates is for your reality to not coincide with your self-beliefs. So if you feel worthless and you're like this piece of shit who does nothing and is good for nothing,

your brain will be like, okay, so that's what we think we are. Let's have some habits that adhere to that message. Let's have some habits that will relate to that. If you're like, no, I am this, I've got, I don't know, something as silly is, I've got long, thick hair, I've got luscious this,

I've got like nice skin, start implementing what person who has those things would do, blindly. Number two of self-worth, after you've got the external looks, even if you don't look like that yet, because looks take a while to implement. Even if you don't look like that yet, stop asking people for their opinions constantly. Learn to develop the muscle of your own opinion. Learn to sometimes be wrong. Learn to die on your own sword, as it were.

What is your opinion? What do you want to do? Stop sending your friends. Which picture shall I post? What shall I do? Where shall I go? What shall I order? Crikey.

Christ. Stop it. Self-worth comes from knowing that you can rely on yourself. Be that friend in your own head that you want to ask the question of. Stop always putting it on other people. Train the muscle of decisiveness. Decide. You got it wrong?

No problem. Decide again. Build the muscle of being. your own best friend. Be like, yeah, do you know what? I'm going to trust me because how can you have self-worth if you don't trust you? And trust that you'll be able to get out of a situation if you do something wrong. Start small. Stop asking people which coffee order you should have. Stop asking people we should eat on the menu. Are you doing it because you want to feel close and connected to that person? I don't know why you're doing it. It's up to you to decide, but build the muscle of self-reliance.

Number three, stop negative self-talk. You can't do it. It's in your head. You already think it but you know what you can do? What you can do when you're having a negative self-thought is number one, don't voice it. Don't voice it in humor. I used to have this problem where I'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's me, I'll be the ugly one or, oh man, you know, I'll be there walking in roly-poly or something like when I felt like my body wasn't right or I didn't look right, I would, I use humor a lot, you might have seen that in my videos, you might have heard that in my podcast. I love a humorous tone to things and sometimes I say it without even meaning it. I say it to many people laugh. I say it because I'm

brought up in Britain and it's a self-deprecating sense of humour. Believe me, baby, eventually, you will start to believe what you're saying. I had this joke with myself where I was like, you know, like all my friends due to being in Miss Universe for a while and then acting and then modelling are literally supermodels. If I told you the list of them, you'd be like, how do you live around these people? This is not fair, okay? A lot of them look like that and I used to always joke about being like the normal human ugly one, ugly in terms of just like normal and human. But at the end of the day, these girls, and I've met them, I know them, they're my closest friends, are also very human. They're just people who work on their looks a lot because they're important to them and maybe they're a little bit taller than the average bear.

Maybe they're this, maybe they're that. But you know what's funny? There's been experiences in my life where those exact women who I think are just so superior to me looks wise and that's fine, turn around to me and said the same thing. They were like, oh, but you've got this feature. Oh, but you've got, I don't know, these boobs or you've got these legs. And I'm like, hey, you see me like that? That's impossible. The point being, if you've got these negative thoughts, number one, do not breathe them into existence

because the whole biblical and pagan and every kind of idea of cursing is you speak it out loud, you curse someone, curse words, that's why I swear words about it, because you curse someone out loud and you put that spell on them. Stop putting spells on yourself. Stop the negative self-talk. The second biggest reason to stop it is because how we are reflected in other people's eyes is how we see ourselves. If you're constantly telling them, oh yeah, I'm ugly, oh yeah, I'm this. Oh, look at my stupid hair.

Look at my stupid outfit. Look at my stupid face. That person eventually will believe you. You tell someone things enough, they will believe you. I've talked about my school friend who always used to tell me she's pretty. And eventually I believed her. She was a normal girl. But I thought, wow, she's the most prettiest girl I've ever seen because she told me so many times she's pretty.

which, you know, take that how you will, but we believe it. I also have a friend who always used to tell me how big her nose is, how awful it is, how she needs a rhinoplasty. Listen, if you saw this girl, you'd be like, she's got the cutest, that most amazing nose. She's the most beautiful, divine girl. Like, honestly, guys go crazy for her, right? She talks about this nose so much. Guess what I can see when I look at her.

Nose. Because she's told me so much. Because she's told me again and again and again that I've believed it. It's like a motivational speech. so stop speaking out loud because you're cursing yourself literally in the universe number two you're making the person you're talking to see that feature in you and then they are reflecting that look to you they're looking at that thing that you keep pointing out whatever it is your butt whatever and lastly the use of affirmations isn't simply to be like i'm the best

i am the greatest look at me it's in order for the fact to crowd out the negative thoughts the negative self-talk. That is the purpose. So affirmations, you're not going to stand there and be like, I am the Queen of England and I'm the prettiest girl in the world. You're not going to become that. But what it does do is allow your brain to practice positive things towards yourself. Maybe you even start saying them to people. Maybe you even start saying, yeah, you know, I'm smart. You know, I pass these degrees. Or yeah, you know, I do this for animals or people or start saying nice things. about yourself, or I'm going to have a great day, generally. Crowd it out. It's like dieting and eating well. Dieting, whatever that means, but that's the trigger word, so I'm going to use it.

Crowd out the bad food. If you're already eaten so much good food, you're not going to have much space for ultra-processed food. I had a baby two weeks ago, and she is a Velcro baby, which means she doesn't want to be off me. Most newborns don't, which is why I'm so glad that Dreamland Baby is sponsoring this podcast. Essentially, they are weighted sleep solutions for your baby. Newborns in the fourth trimester, that's what it's called, because they come out of you a little bit too soon the nature would have liked it. They still want to feel like they're constantly cuddled, constantly comforted, and constantly close to you, which is why Dreamland Baby is a perfect solution. These sleep sacks allow for deeper sleep, better sleep for the baby, have a two-way zipper, which is

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This offer is for new and existing customers. Number four, curate what you look at, what you read, who you feel, who you feel, follow. If you're a modern person and you're on social media, understand that everyone you follow is going to cultivate the mindset that you're in. You are maybe not the sum of the five people who are your closest friends these days. Maybe you are the sum of the five people that you follow. Who's that going to be? Is that going to be someone super motivational? Is that going to be Ed Mylett and Gary Vaynerchuk? Is that going to be those type of people, business people? Is it going to be really cute girls? If it's going to be cute girls who you admire, make sure they are girls who you, who you

look like, and I know this is really strange, but if you've got certain features, follow women who've got those features, ethnic features, origin features. I love to follow women, like, as much as I'd love to follow people who are like Penelope Cruz or, you know, that kind of like sexy Latina type, listen, that's not me. However much I try and do that, that's not me. I might follow them because I just like to follow them and I like to follow their career. But if I would be feeling like I need more self-worth, I would start following a lot of the girls who I can emulate. A lot of the women who are in my age group, maybe. A lot of the women who are doing something amazing.

For example, I was following Melissa Wood-Tepperberg. Melissa Wood Health is her name on Instagram. She's 40, I believe. I am in my 30s. I'm like, wow, I can be her. Look how great she looks. She gives me motivation and inspiration. And then I look through my feed,

and there is some 21-year-old girl who's genetically blessed with the body. she's not got a business that I follow. She's not got a something that I follow. I must have followed her maybe six years ago when she was 16 years old or something because I thought something was great. But she turns up on my feed and what is the purpose of me following her? What is the reason?

It is number one, not useful to me. Unless she was doing something amazing and I was following her for that reason, great. It is making me feel like, it's just such a useless thing to do. It's polluting your life for things you don't need to see. Is it changing your life? Is it doing something for you? you build self-worth by following and curating your life with people that you admire to be like or friends who you genuinely love and want to follow. Number five, I had a message from somebody who said,

how do I fall in love with life? Like, how do I be excited about life? I just feel depressed. And to be honest, I had to stop and think about that. And I think the answer is, show up for yourself, for your goals, the goals you've written daily in a small way, in order to slowly build up steps to curate the person you want to be and the lifestyle you want to have. And it's not going to happen this week. It's not going to happen next month. It's not going to happen maybe in three months. But in six months to a year, you will see everything falling together like a Tetris game, like a puzzle, like this magical ball of, you know, Christmas ball, where you suddenly see the image coming through the snow of what the life that you want is meant to be.

where every day you wake up and you do it. It's as small as brushing your teeth. It's as small as doing the thing you want to do in order to become and curate the person you want to be small, daily, daily, daily, small. I'm going to have a baby soon. When you are listening to this, I would have already maybe had it.

I'm trying to record as much content as I can so that I can focus as opposed to being with a newborn because that's eventful. But as I'm recording this, I am nine months pregnant. and I know if you have had children or you're going to have them, it's the small steps. You get pregnant and it's a fast, fast, fast, fast nine months of your body completely changing

and then you are left with this body that you don't recognize. And it's not about getting your body back. Back is not where we're going, going forward, we're going to get better, we're going to grow up, we're going to glow up. But it's about the fact that you have to take things slow. Like you might have ab separation, you've got a newborn baby, you might have hormone shift, your skin might break out. It's not about fast, but it's about daily.

And things like having a baby, I suppose, is why I'm using this example, gives you that understanding. You can't even work out for six weeks. There is no way you're bouncing back. You're going to look like a mess for a while. And to some people that might look like a beautiful mess. But I'll tell you right now, show up for yourself daily. Take that walk.

Do that thing. Write in your journal. Record that YouTube video. Start that podcast. do the daily thing that will create the life that you want to have and that will build your self-worth and that will build your excitement for the future. Number six, self-worth is about vulnerability and authenticity. Don't be afraid to be yourself. Don't be afraid to say you're nervous. Don't be afraid to say you've got human traits. Being in a place of self-worth doesn't mean

being bombastic, walking in, Andrew Tate energy. It's not adorable and it's not beautiful, you know. There's not much beauty in it. There's not much elegance in it. You have to empathize with yourself for simply being, for simply being a human being. And if you can't, then imagine who you were as a child. Imagine yourself as a seven-year-old. Listen, the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life

is the world through my son's eyes. Like, he's three years old. When he sees the world, he just thinks it's magic or it's close to magic. And when I am self-critical, and when I don't like myself or how I am or what I'm doing or how I'm behaving. I understand that I need to embrace my humanity. I'm not always going to be perfect.

I'm not always going to be on it. I'm not always going to be so, like, cool and sophisticated. We celebrate coolness so much. You've got to be cool. You've got to be tough. You've got to be stronger. You've got to be all those things, you know? It's like, God, it's okay to be embarrassing.

It's okay to be cringe. You get this one lifetime and one human experience, and you're here worried that you didn't do things perfectly, every day perfectly. I've got to be perfect. I've got to be perfect. How boring is that? Have you ever seen someone in their true authenticity? They are not perfect. They're this like truly one singular version of them. And if you want to be the best for what you do, you have to be authentic to yourself because you can be a shitty version of someone else or you can be the best version of you. That's your two choices. So at the same time as number one,

where you emulate how you want to look. Number six is embrace your authenticity. Like when a child trips, See yourself, see your humanity, see the inner child in you. All of us have these wounds of like feeling not smart enough, not cool enough, not pretty enough. Everyone's got a wound that they were told that they weren't enough something. Some of the smartest people I know were told that they're not smart enough. Some of the prettiest people I know told they were not pretty enough. Ironically, it's always the smartest people think they're stupid. The prettiest people think they're ugly.

It's almost like part of how the universe works or how your parents put you down for that trait. I don't know. but have some empathy and empathize with yourself for your humanity. And the last part of that point is, don't be afraid to be different. Your self-wealth will come from the fact that you're doing something different. I started talking about masculine energy and feminine energy because it just genuinely fascinated me.

I started talking about relationships and how to get the guys who like you. I was a whole 18 years old reading books on how to get them to marry you. I don't want to marry anybody. I didn't. I just really like human dynamics. How to win friends and influence people. I didn't want any friends. I didn't want to influence anybody.

I just really like human dynamics. And then I went on to open Instagram and act and do these things. And I started talking about fashion and beauty, which I love, by the way. I love fabulosity and beauty and all that stuff. But my true essence is this kind of conversation. And the question is, do you want to be normal and fit in? Or do you want to be amazing and extraordinary? Because people only saw me as extraordinary at what I'm doing when I started talking about

what is close to my heart. Number seven is a little bit tragic but a little bit amazing is you only have one life. People aren't thinking about you as much as you think they are. In fact, they're not thinking about you at all. In fact, if somebody's thinking about you and focusing on you, there's something strange going on here unless they're like a loved one. Understand that you have come here in this existence. And number seven is my birth date and my favorite number. So seven's got to be a good one. So I'm going to share this with you. Understand that you came into this reality as you that's the avatar that you get to play, and this being a play, this being a theatre, you can literally choose, there is nobody that can stop you from choosing the role that you're going to play.

You can try on different roles, you can try on different characters, you can be the smart one, you can be the funny one, you can be the intellectual one, you can be the well-dressed one, you can be anything you want to be. We seem to think that we're stuck in some kind of role that we have, but we're not. That's paradigms of your mind making you think you're stuck. You're not stuck. This is the play. And you can choose your character.

You can choose the role. Life's a play. Play your character. Switch it up if you don't like it. Become someone different. Number eight is to thine own self be true, I guess, off the back of plays and characters. The only way to achieve real success is to stay true to yourself.

Because you can achieve success by not being true to yourself, but then you're going to be miserable. how the question is, because you always hear it, just be true to yourself, just do you, do you, boo, do you, how do you know what you is? How to know what you is is to follow your gut? How do you follow your gut? Like, how do you know what it is? You need to expand your muscle of ideas. You need to start reading. You need to read books about ideas, philosophy, watching videos, listening to podcasts and thinking, do I agree? Do I disagree? Who am I? What would I have said if I was a in that podcast. What would I have thought? And not in this, like, divisive social media. Take this side or take this side. I'm not, I'm, I'm following you if you don't. Shut up. Unfollow me. Please. Please. And go read a book. Go read some Dostoevsky. Go read something with pivotal human ideas and understandings. Go read something that's beyond social media issues like this community versus this.

community or something where you are not versed, you've got no idea what anyone's talking about, you're jumping on it, or this makeup guru said this about this makeup, why do you, that is not building who you genuinely are. What do you think about ideas, real human ideas? Love, progression, pain, whatever it might be, read, expand, create an opinion, learn to voice that opinion. And most importantly, my friend, learn to be wrong and change that opinion because if you cannot change your opinion with ease and with retrospective thought and think, hmm, that person made me change my mind and say, thank you, thank you for changing my mind. That was a well thought, you know, sentence. Then there is not much worth to you. If you don't have power in your, in your worth of

opinion, because you are not this body. You are your soul and your spirit. Number eight, or number nine, it was, lean into your strengths opposite to your weaknesses. The school system teaches you that you've got to be a cross-board like English, math. Listen, six times seven is 14 in my mind, yeah? Because I have no idea. I've got no idea what six times seven is. I could sit here and count seven, 14. I could do that until I get to the right number. But let me tell you, if you ask me about history or English, by English I mean literature, I'm your girl. I'm your friend. Let's talk philosophy. Let's talk ideas. Let's talk self-development especially. Let's talk about men and women. Let's talk about how all of this works. But I, I refuse to

be an across-the-board worker, the school system. You get A's here, you get D's here, you've got to pull up those Ds, you've got to pull up those grades, you've got to be better. Why? Why? If your child is good at math and they're getting A's, get them a math tutor. Why are you getting them an English tutor so that they're across-the-board average? They can be the greatest mathematician of all time, and what would they need to know literature for? Number 10. I heard this thing that says, mothers who first give to themselves,

like, not in a horrible, sadistic, like, narcissistic way, but in just a genuine, she loves her children, she's got $10 and she buys a $4 lipstick, both of these numbers are not accurate. $40 and she buys a $14 lipstick, okay, guys, guys, she has $40, she buys a $14 lipstick,

and then she also, who takes her kids out and gets them, I don't know, happy meals. It's the act of buying herself a lipstick as well. The biggest, apparently, according to the psychologist, precedent of a woman's self-esteem in the future is how her own mother gave to herself. Now, you might think, no, no, no, surely. It's the selfless mother who gives everything to her children, who eats the crumbs off the floor,

who doesn't even wash herself in the shower, because, God forbid, she uses too much shower water and we can't afford shower water. that's the woman who's going to give a daughter a good self-esteem. O contraire, according to this psychologist, girls who see their mother giving a little bit to themselves have good self-worth and self-esteem. And let me tell you, I was raised by one of those women.

My mom always did for her something. Even when we had no money, she used to get bananas and mangoes mash them because she knew they had enzymes in them. Actually, I told her that because one of my primary school teachers told me that. Caribbean woman, I think. And their enzymes are really good for your skin. So my mum used to do that for herself. She always used to take time.

Even now, people say about my mom like, wow, she's always like doing her beauty routine. She's always doing this. She's always doing that. If a mother is always giving to her family and depleting herself and is not in her feminine energy and is so in her masculine energy, the daughter ends up feeling guilty. Why was my mother so depleted?

Why was my mother never giving to herself? I now shan't give to myself either. I will not do that for myself. You need to, as a human being, invest in your self. because that is how you show other people how to treat you, and that is how you inspire your children. Invest in yourself. Show up for yourself.

In little ways. Of course, you've got to do it for other people too. But people emulate how you treat yourself. People watch you. And you know what? I'll tell you the secret about human beings. Everybody wants self-worth. Everybody, every human being wants to like themselves more.

Everyone wants to feel more comfortable in their skin. everybody wants to do something for themselves but they don't know how and when we see somebody acting upon that and cherishing who they are and showing up for themselves truly we are magnetized to them it's like honey and bees if you truly value yourself and show up for yourself my friend you will be a magnet to the universe and other people number 11 self-worth is built on doing good for those around you. After you've done all this, it's all worthless unless you do good for those around you. When I was a student, I had no money. I used to go to a shelter and walk dogs. Later on, when I had a bit of money, you donate. I'm not going to go in about what I do and don't do. This is about you,

but you can find a space to make a meal for a friend when they're struggling. You can find a space to show up and listen to somebody. It doesn't have to be monetary. It doesn't have to be anything. you can donate time. Pick a cause that means something. Show up for that cause. Develop actual self-respect. When you go and lie down and bed at night and you put your head down on the pillow,

I did something worthy today. It's always the case that depression doesn't exist in countries where people are struggling to live their lives. They're struggling to survive. They're struggling, not the depression that we know in the Western world. Pick something to show up. up for. Pick something to have to show up for. What do you care about outside of your own self-realization? Do good for someone else, even if you feel you can't. That's the only way you can develop

self-respect as your life being worthy of something and self-worth. Thank you for subscribing. Thank you for lending me your ear. And honestly, leave me a comment. I read them and I really, really value what you have to say. I'll see you on the next one. Bye. note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.