BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 44: Break Up Rules. Why Is He Texting? Should You Watch His Social Media?

Episode Date: January 22, 2024

Break Up Rules. Why Is He Texting? Should You Watch His Social Media?Lets talk about moving on and why he is in your DMS, what it means. Does he want you back? Should you post your glow up?20 feminine energy principles:https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesalesPolarity MasterClass (20 secrets to long lasting attraction & love) :https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/polarity-masterclassAmazon book list:https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenkoBecome Magnetic (Free Ebook):https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/Email me: [e-mail]:OSEA: Get 10% off your first order sitewide with code BEINGHER at OSEAMalibu.comPlease note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. I wanted to talk to you today about breakups. Breakup rules and some thoughts about it. The first part of this is going to be about why is your ex texting you? Why is your ex appearing in your life? Why is he reappearing? And I know a lot of girls sit there and they talk about this till they're blue in the face, till the cows come home, they want to know, is he interested again?

Is he wanting me back? my first question to you, my love, is why do you care? You need to decide whether you are someone who wants him back, whether you are somebody who is allowing this to stroke your ego and motivate you in life in some way, or you're somebody who doesn't care at all, in which case, I doubt you'd be talking to your friends about why he's reappearing. It would just be something, you know, in the background. So I think you fit into the first two categories. you either want retribution for him dumping you, and that's probably what I'll be discussing in this,

like why is your ex reappearing and texting you and what it means? I'm going to have that chat with you, because if you truly did not want him and were over him, and let's say you dumped him, this would not even be something you're interested in. And the second part is going to be about this new phenomena that we're all going through, that we've all been through, and that is you broke up, he broke up with you,

you broke up with him, but now you have access to his social media. This adds a whole new pain point and a whole new reality that didn't used to exist. You couldn't go and check what he's doing. You couldn't find secret hidden messages or the songs that he's playing that are like heart-wrenching and all this stuff. You couldn't do that in the past and now you can. So let's start at the beginning. He's broken up with you and he is reappearing.

He's text to you something. And I don't know if you've listened to the podcast on Being Her where I discussed what to do. if he slowly starts to reappear. It's called How to Get Your X Back. I would suggest you listen to that after this one. And it goes through what to do if you do want to get him back. But this podcast is about why he is trying to text you again.

He is testing, number one, the ground and the response that you are going to have. Often men break up with you because they feel that there is the grass greener on the other side. They've still got a life to live. too young to settle down. You might have been too anxiously attached. You might have not given him in the relationship what he wants. It could be a myriad of reasons. But as he has stepped away, he has looked back and through the rose-tinted sunglasses that he is now wearing, because let's remember, when you're wearing rose-tinted sunglasses, red flags look pink, he is thinking, hmm, am I missing out on something? Did I step away from something that actually was good for me,

meant a lot to me was really great for me. Let me go and check that out, number one, to see if it's as rosy as I remember it. And number two, to see her response, are the gates open for me? And if the gates are going to be open for him, then he might step away again and not text you again, because essentially, a lot of times guys want to know

if the gateway is open. And if the gateway is open, then he might not choose to walk through those gates at that moment. He might just say, yep, got it. I, you know, can call it. come back when I want to. And he's also testing you to see what your responses are going to be like. If you were neurotic and possessive, let's just say, that's why he broke up with you. He is checking to see if you're still that neurotic and possessive girl. He is checking to see

if now you're easy, breezy cover girl cosmetics. He's checking to see if he's coming back to what he left. Number two, he could have left you because he cheated and he thought the grass was greened on the other side. Now, reality is settled in. It's been six months. It's been a year. It's been some time. And he has realized, like many men realize, that he left a lifestyle with you for an asset she has, literally asset that she has. It could have been the fact that she is, and it usually is, giving him something in his ego, in his thoughts about himself, because we always think it's about, you know, sexual. It's about, it's about that she's prettier.

Women have this myth. She's prettier. She's prettier. He went to the pretty. It's never about prettier. It's about how he feels in that surrounding. Check how men leave, what kind of women they leave. leave for. And there's nothing wrong with those women. I love women on both sides. Women are fantastic.

To me in general, we have good intentions and high hopes. And I love that about women. But the point being is that he's left you. He's seeing you in the whole lifestyle with you. Maybe you have children. Maybe you have a whole setup of how you live life. And in that comes difficulty. In that comes, why did you leave the cup there? In that comes, why did you do this? In that comes, pick up your dirty socks. So he's left you because he's seen a glossy image of what he could have with her and then reality set in. She is also a human being who wants him to pick up his socks. God dang it. What is he going to do? Where can he find this fantasy woman that doesn't exist? He can't. He's realized that the routine there has set in as well and the fantasy, the Peter Pan

fantasy that he has, and that's a lot of men's problems, the Peter Pan fantasy that he has does not exist. So now he's checking. Is the gateway open? How long can he stay with her and maybe have a way back with you and access to you? The third reason he could be coming back to you is because he does not have the active, rampant sex life that he thought he was going to have. In the monotony of a monogamous relationship, he might have started to fantasize maybe through online porn, maybe through the stories of his single friends, maybe through a girl

he met online, that he might have started to fantasize, maybe through online, that he might have started to fantasize, that he is going to go out there and reap the seeds of life. This often happens to guys if they meet a girl early on in their like university experience or college and then they want to know what's out there. And lo and behold, he's found the reality of masculine existence and dating websites prove this time and time again that the top 10% of men get access to all the women, get all the likes, get all the swipes right. They are earning a certain salary, they're over a certain height, all these things.

that truly I am against you putting those criteria because you're missing out on an amazing human beings. But they find out that they're not on the fabral side of that type of like Chad Brad guy. They're just a normal guy and they've got to put extenuated huge amounts of efforts into any relationship and that they aren't running through the fields of sexual opportunity like they thought they were going to be doing. And because they don't have this active sex life and because they don't have this active attraction from every woman that walks past him, they are are contacting you because you were that sure thing. Now my question to you is do you want to be that short thing? Do you want to be the thing that he comes back to? Because I know I don't. I don't want to

be the thing that he comes back to you after he realizes that the flowers of the sexual market aren't his to be had. Next is he may, if he was married to you and you had a stable, successful life, miss the finances and the comfort that you used to provide. Maybe you used to be a really good wife to him and often men find when they leave, there's this myth about the fact that women get divorced and take all the money. There's a statistic that says that women fall under the poverty line often for about five years after having a divorce, whilst men stay quite stable. So this huntress of a woman who's going to take him for his money and run away with it is a myth that sometimes occurs, but it's talked about because it's such a thing that happens when the rich millionaire,

billionaire, you know, divorces his wife and she gets all the stuff. Cool, but we're talking about everyday people. So he stepped away from the comfort of his financial domain and success and he's had to split his finances and maybe he's left you the house and he doesn't get to see his children often and he realizes that he is not all that that he is cracked up to be without you, that it's hard to maintain a double income when he's alone. It's hard to and if you don't work, look after the children. It's hard to do all that and there was a comfort that he gave up in order to leave and he could be missing that. Also, he could have seen that you're doing better. That's reason number five. Because women often focus just on the guy, solely on the guy in any relationship. They're focusing

on the guy. It's all about the guy. Is he comfortable? Is he happy? Is he this one? Is he that one? Enough. He leaves you. You cry about it. And then you resurrect like the phoenix that you are. And he sees you in this newfound light. He's seen you through friends on social media. Maybe when you swap a pickup of the kids and he's like, damn. She's thriving and I'm here living in the squalor of mind and my physical squalor and he could want to come back to you. You're doing better than him. He's realized that you are energetically more powerful. He's not doing as good as he thought he would be. He wants to come back to you. Lastly, he could just want to stroke his ego and have a reply. This is the biggest reason the one I find most common in most dating scenarios. Not necessarily

on marriages break up, but in dating scenarios. He has dumped you, thought he could do better, still thinks he can, or maybe you guys just didn't vibe, or maybe you were dating for a very short time and you just didn't connect, but he wants to know that you still want him. He's texting to know that you will jump on the bandwagon and that other podcast I did about how to reply to him. If you do want to get back with him, it's very, very important. It's called How to Get Your Ex Back on the Being Her podcast on any where you listen to podcasts, check that out. The essential thing he wants to know is that he's got you in his pocket. He's evaluated his reality and he wants to know if I do choose in six months or so to come back that she will be there.

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I think, you know, I know, your cat knows, your dog knows, your mom knows, everybody knows that that is not worth your time. If a man truly wants to be with you, he would not send you smoke signals in the night. He would not send you text, how you doing? He would make very strong definitive action despite your reciprocation in order to get you back. Trust me, if you've ever fought with a man about putting his socks in the bin, in the laundry bin, or you fought with a man about not going out with the boys when he wanted to, or you fought with a man about not doing what he deems right, but you deem wrong,

you will know how stubborn, dedicated and single-focused men can be. If he truly lost you and truly wants you back, my friend, believe me, he will get you back. He will come. There will be flowers. There will be undeniable reasons. So all these smoke signals that he sends about like how you're doing, how you've been, just wanted you you know that you're a really great girl.

No, I miss you. Shut up. Shut up. Go find the next one because I am, you know, I was born at night, but not last night. That's what I always say because I was actually born at night. But it was not last night. So do not succumb to these half-assed attempts. They're not with your time.

In fact, if somebody left you for the grass is greener scenario, there would be nothing in this reality that would get me to go back to that person. Because it will diminish your feminine energy. You will always know that there was a time in his mind when he thought he could do better than you. And the only time I would ever go back with an ex is if I strongly felt that it was me and my attachment style and my influence on the relationship that led the relationship astray, that it was my influence on it, that it was not that man, but me who ruined it and he was a good man. Now let's move on to you guys broke up, and now you live your life looking at his social media.

You are addicted at looking at his social media. The reality of life is a lot of us who are anxiously attached and a lot of us who are avoidant and a lot of us who are not comfortable in our own body and had some kind of turbulence in our childhood are used to that turbulence. When we break up with an ex who is not good for us, that turbulence is gone. Boom, he's gone. Now you're healthy, happy, drinking your green juice, but you're missing the turbulence and the dopamine hit of that lifestyle of almost the rejection. So you go online and you do your mental masturbation of what you're missing out on and what he's doing.

You love the turmoil. You love the pain of it. And you need to understand and realize that you need to get yourself into therapy or you need to get yourself into a place where you can. and talk through these things and understand that it's not the hymn factor that you want to see, but it's the turbulence and the dopamine hit that you're looking after. You want a spike of emotions. You want a love feeling, a hate feeling. Is there another woman?

You want that drama in your life. And a lot of you are addicted to it. A lot of you are addicted to, oh my God, I saw him. He went out on Saturday. He never used to go out on Saturdays with me. I think I saw a pair of heels in that video. What does it matter? He dumped you.

He is as useful as someone's random uncle. Like he is irrelevant to you. His existence and life is irrelevant to you at this point. It does not matter what you saw. You're using him as a dopamine hip. You're also sitting there online and you're sending him messages through your social media. You are either acting so happy, so nonchalant, so like, you know, just living my life, living my best life, the best revenge's success.

Problem with the best revenge's success theory, which is, I like that theory is fantastic, is that you're still using him to power you in life. You're not using your own motivation. You're not using your own lifeblood and life source and excitement for life. How are you going to succeed in life if you have to use Frank, Derek, and John, in order to motivate you and to power you. Yeah, I'm going to be successful. I'm going to show him. I'm going to show him.

Stop it. He is irrelevant like an uncle at that Christmas dinner. He is not relevant. So you living your glam life is fine. But you know what's worse? You living your depressed life. Girls who post quotes about, I'll never be treated like that. again because if you didn't want me at my worst and you don't deserve me at my best.

Oh my gosh, please miss me with that. Be authentic. Be true to yourself on social media. You don't need to post these depressive quotes. Who are you posting them to? If you think that you are becoming more alluring when you post them, you're not. I'm here to tell you right now, you are not. It's not sexy. It's not alluring. It's not fantastic. It's not bombastic. It's nothing. It's off-putting. It's off-putting that you're putting so much effort into how he thinks about you. You posting songs that you guys used to listen to. And you are looking at a social media and he posts a song in the background, like, I don't know of DJ somebody. And you're like, oh my God, we heard that song when we went to some random

festival and he's posting it to me because he wants to communicate with me. I need to understand, for you to understand, I need to implore to you that if that is the case, if he's posting DJ Khalid and that song that you heard together and that is. is his maximum effort, then your standards are so low that it doesn't even take a toddler much to step over them. They are so low. If that is the type of man that you're seeing glory and and your future with, that he posts a DJ Khaled song to signal to you that he still likes you, to signal to you, men used to write letters from wars and be Spartans and now he's signaling with a DJ Khalid. I cannot even begin to explain to you how.

below standard that is. I think the worst part is when women see signs of missing you in things that are not there. They don't exist. You see he he was chopping lettuce and he was making pasta and pasta was our favorite food. That's when you start to go into like this psychotic connection to what you had and you need to understand that if he wants to he will contact you, he will move mountains for you and you don't deserve anything but that. You deserve nothing less. Him chopping salad because you like lettuce is not the sign.

You're trying to find those signs. You're trying to show him a side of you that you feel will make him come back. Oh, he wanted me more relaxed and chilled. Oh my God. I'm going to go to Abitha and I'm going to film myself just chilling in Abitha because I'm so chill now. I'm just the most chillest, most funest girl. When you follow someone's social media like this and you're trying to see signs in him missing you and you're trying to send him signs in you missing him,

you're truly not moving on with your life and what your life potential could be. If you do want that person back, you're just stagnating in the energy you used to be. And the only way you'd ever get him back, and if you feel it was your fault, is truly moving on and changing your perspective and being a different human being, getting therapy, being out with your friends, totally pivoting. And it's a true fact. Nothing truer has ever happened than this fact. If you forget him and truly let go of him in your soul, that's when he will come back.

It's just the law of nature. Desper energy begets people running away from you. And you checking his posts is desperate energy. You are addicted to the feeling. You are not addicted to him. And you must treat this behavior as you would treat any addiction. First of all, there is two things you can do once you're in this loop. Number one, you need to put yourself first and focus on how it is you're going to amplify

yourself. If you do want them back, you need to understand that you need to appear as a different person when you do get him back. You need to be in love with yourself and the journey that you're on. If he comes back and he sees the same old you, it's not going to be it. Don't think about what you're posting, not posting. Just leave it. Secondly, you need to disappear off media in the way that you've been appearing. Stop trying to emphasize something. Put songs, put quotes, not quotes, glow up, this, that, the other. Be focused on yourself. Think of any cool and incredible person you know and understand that they would not be wasting their time doing this kind of malarkey.

Number three, you need to be so physically busy and active that you don't have time. You don't have time. You know those people who run three businesses and exercise and work out and maybe they're a parent. They're like, I'm so sorry, I didn't text you back. I just didn't even have time. You need to be that level of busy. Make yourself busy. People who are in third world countries and walk two hours for water don't have time to

lament over BS like we are doing at the moment. you need to make yourself so busy with something bigger. If you don't have something bigger in your life, there are so many charities that are run every day, that dogs need to be walked, there are kids need to be cared for, lend yourself and your human power and energy to something that is bigger and better than this

because you're not going to look back on your life three years from now and be like, yes, I spent a whole summer, I spent a whole six months communicating subliminally with Jake. What are you trying to achieve with it? It's not worth it. You need to be, number one, focus on yourself. number two, extremely busy. And number three, last but not least, you need to go cold turkey on looking at his media.

If you cannot do that, and I know you can't do that, so I'm going to give you a solution, you need to minimize an increments. I'm going to check on him every other day. I'm going to check on him every two days. I'm then going to check on him every three days. I'm then going to check on him every four days, five days, one week. And eventually the dopamine hit that you get from him is going to leave your body, trust and believe. There is nothing you're going to see on there that you're going to miss. He's not going to post a song that there's going to signal to you. you that he wants to be with you and that you need to reply to and then your relationship's going to flourish. The only way your relationship's going to flourish is if you're a different woman and he's knocking on your door with flowers and donuts or whatever it is, the dessert you like or even more than that, a Ferrari, I don't know what your taste is, but that's when it's going to flourish.

So you need to completely distance yourself. You need to move on with your life because it's not helping you to become her or be the woman that you want to be. Thanks for listening and I will see you on the next one. Good luck with a breakup. may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.