BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 49: 10 Things I Wish I Knew About Men In My 20s

Episode Date: February 26, 2024

LINKS:PRE ORDER MY NEW BOOK :THE NEW RULEShttps://snipfeed.co/margaritanazarenko20 feminine energy principles:https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesalesPolarity MasterClass (20 secrets to long lasting attraction & love) :https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/polarity-masterclassAmazon book list:https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenkoBecome Magnetic (Free Ebook):https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/Email me: [e-mail]:Dreamland Baby: Go to dreamlandbabyco.com and enter my code BEINGHER at check out to receive 20% off sitewide + free shippingPlease note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Dear Media IRL is back, and we're showing up bigger, better, and louder than ever. Join us on May 4th in Austin, Texas for the ultimate live podcasting experience. Watch and learn from your favorite dear media hosts as they bring their insightful discussions from your headphones to the stage. Get ready to be inspired, entertained, and watch audio get a makeover. Tickets are on sale now at Dear Media. media.com slash IRL. See you on May 4th in Austin, Texas. If you are ready, I will impart some wisdom on you right about now. I'm going to tell you what

I wish I knew in my 20s about men that I know now, had I known then, my life would have been a lot easier. Maybe not easier. I don't know. Maybe we're meant to just experience these things as they happen. But let me tell you, these are the things that I wish I knew. I don't know how many there will be. It will be in the title. The amount of things will be in the title. But here I am in my 30s about to impart that wisdom. So let's get into it. Number one, doing more for them does not equal them valuing you more. Let's pause for a second.

Doing more for them does not equal them valuing you more. There is this juxtaposition of ideas here because normally when we do more at school, when we do more for our friends, when we do more in life, more value comes out of it. But unlike normal things, men are not the same. They are not the same. Sometimes they take from the fact that you are doing more for them, not the fact that you are more valuable, but the fact that they are more valuable.

What they see in your actions and doing more, let's say you're cooking for them, you're looking after them, you're calling them, you're making sure their mental health is mental healthing. From that, they do not take the fact that you are valuable. They don't see the,

those actions as you are amazing or you like them. They see these actions as I must deserve them. That is the male mindset that I must deserve them if she is doing them because men do not do things for people they don't see value in. So your doingness is adding to his valueness. Do you know what I'm saying? For those of you listening to this and watching this, I want to make a note. I'm two months postpartum and after I have my children, I get thyroiditis, which is like hyperthyroid. So if I'm talking a little bit faster, I get my blood test results next week. If I'm a little bit more excited about this, it's my thyroid talking, okay, but the facts are still facting. The facts are still real. The thyroid might be doing the excitement, but the facts are still

real. Number two, valuing yourself and putting yourself first and putting a high price on your time does make men value you more. So you might be thinking, so, okay, me doing things. for him does not make him value me. What does Margarita? I'm telling you. Fact number two that I wish I knew in my 20s is men value you through the paradigm of the amount of time and effort you put into yourself. Have you ever seen the amount of time and effort a man puts into his car, the old banger that he redos and reframes and does all these things and make sure it's parked in the right garage and make sure it's shine shoe, da, da, da, da, da. I know no car time. terminology, so I don't know what I'm saying. But what I am saying is, in the man's mind,

the thing that holds value is a thing that time, money, effort and energy is spent on. So when he is assessing you and you're putting a lot of time into him and nothing into yourself, do-da-do, he's done the calculation. And men in the comments are going to deny this because they don't want you to know this truth and this fact, but it is the truth and it is the facts of life. They will calculate that you are not worth valuing much, even if you are the best thing since sliced bread. even if he initially adored you and wanted you, the value of you will go down. And that is a shame, baby, because you're amazing. The way to make him see you differently is to actually put time into yourself.

And furthermore, forget the men in this conversation for a second. Don't you want to put more into yourself? Don't you want to put more time, effort and energy into yourself? Because at the end of the day, even if it doesn't work out with Gary or Brad, you would have up to the ante of who you are. You would have done growing. you would have done developing and evolving. So forget him for a second and understand this. Stop doing for him what he's not asked you to do. Stop running around like a headless chicken and then

resenting him when he doesn't value you for it. And instead understand, huh, I'm going to put something into myself and in his man brain, he's going to equate the fact that, okay, she's not doing anything for me that I haven't asked her to do. Now, you're still a kind person. If he asked you for help, you can help him. We're not talking about that. Or he asked you to cook him a meal. Fine, cook him the meal. girl go for it. Do whatever you want to do. But the point is you put into yourself, you want to go get your hair done, you want to go get your nails done. Cool, do it. Let's come out of the nail and hair category. You go and do your degree. You need to go do your studies. You go study. You don't drop that and go meet him. You want to see your aunt or your mom. You go do that. You don't drop everything to go and meet him. That's going to add value to you. Number three, men don't want a spicy, saucy fight every day, despite what rom-coms have told you. They want an interesting. woman in their life, but one who will help them see themselves in the best light. Now, that was a really long sentence, but let's check it out again. We are led to believe as women because we're the ones who watch rom-coms or we're the ones who watch 50 Shades of Grey that men want this like spicy,

saucy woman who's like, yeah, whatever. Don't tell me, no, no, nah. And then he'll chase you and then somehow make you succumb to his will. And, you know, this is all the like pride and prejudice and all that kind of notion that we get. If you find a man you really like, you need to be an interesting woman, one that he can oppose an opinions and have some kind of, you know, oppositional conversation with. That's true. He doesn't want just like this beanbag of a woman who has no opinions, but he wants to see himself as amazing through your eyes. That's the whole notion of femininity. He wants to see himself as this incredible man through your eyes. Like when you see him, when you witness him, these statements of like, you're an incredible man or you make me feel safe or all that kind of stuff is really important because he wants to

the type of woman a man would struggle to leave and I tell you this many times is a type of woman who makes him feel like the man he wants to be that is the biggest crux that you need to understand so these rom-coms will sell us the idea that women you know that we want to be like this hard to get spicy woman who makes his life hell basically and he's like no Samantha please please let's just be together And she's like, no, because you don't like the color I like. Stupid. That's not what men want. And then women are surprised when they act all saucy, spicy, and psycho that the guy they want

doesn't want them back. You've got to have a secure attachment to you. And people who are secure don't go around presenting like a psychopath. The point is about someone who's secure and confident that is so attractive. It's like a TikTok I saw where it's like a nonchalant guy. She's like, oh, I hate your car. He's like, yeah, that's all right. She's like, you don't look like you go to the gym.

And he's like, yeah, I don't go to the gym. And he, in all the comments, I've seen, like, so attractive by the women. Because people who are nonchalon and they're accepting and a bit stoic and secure are very attractive. So don't be a spicy chihuahua. Be an interesting woman with an opinion. But spicy chihuahua, no. Number four, it's not about hard to get.

It's about hard to get, but easy to be with. You know what I mean? You are not hard to get by proxy of you acting hard to get and being an asshole. are hard to get by the fact that you've got a busy life, but when you are with him, you're easy to be with. If you can master hard to get but easy to be with, all men will be yours. Let me tell you, because the experience of being with the feminine or being with a woman you want for a man is all about, you know, fun. It's playfulness. The idea of preserving femininity as you grow up. We don't age. We grow up, okay? Is about maintaining playfulness. A lot of times playfulness is like

beaten out of women in society and I get why life gets hard with children and everything and it just gets tiring. If you can maintain your playfulness, girl, you can maintain your femininity and your youth in so many ways. Being easy to be with is really hard for a lot of women because they build resentment from how a man treats them and by proxy of building that resentment, they want him to know how much he's annoyed her and hurt her when he's with her. So they do this. thing where they're always available, whenever he knocks or calls at 4 a.m. whatever, but when he does arrive, they switch on this like bitchy demeanour. And I love a bitchy demeaner. That's cool. I love it. I love a bitchy gal. But if you're going to be easy to get, basically you can contact you at any point

and see you and that's not a problem. But at the same time, you're going to be just a dickhead to be with. That's not how you get people enamored with you. And that's not how you feel good about yourself either and that's the bottom line of all these things that I wish I knew in my 20s anyway. Like what is the point of me just waiting on the phone for him to contact me and want to hang out with me? And then when I do see him, I'm like, didn't want to see me last week. Bet you were busy doing do, da, da, do. No, it's not about that. It's like this. Build your life. If he doesn't fit into it because he's always last minute, then he's going to fall away anyway. If he does make time to see you, see him when you're happy to see him. See him when you're in your flow and your good energy.

It's not going to make him change. I know what you're thinking. You're like, but Margarita, how is it going to make him know that he shouldn't contact me last minute? Well, say it like a big woman with your chest. Say, I really don't like it when you contact me last minute. So if you want to see me, let me know in advance and drop it there. You don't need to be hard to be with. Be easy to be with.

Think about it in friendships. Like, if you didn't return your girlfriend's call because you were so busy, genuinely. And people can be genuinely busy. You need to understand that men aren't like against us. It's like not an oppositional force, right? So if he was genuinely like with his family or something, and then you were just this angry raccoon at him and so annoying to be with and just weird,

is that going to make you want to be with him? Would that make you want to be with a friend of yours? Imagine you didn't reply to her. And she's like, all right, whatever. You didn't reply to me. So why would I hang out with you? But yeah, let's see each other anyway. But you're such a shit friend.

No, miss me with that. The sponsor of this episode is Dreamland Baby. The founder had her son in 2018. His name is Luke when he was six. months old and she was getting up every 1.5 hours in the night, yes, 1.5 hours and was completely exhausted and sleep deprived. She put a heavy throw blanket on him and noticed that he immediately calmed down. She had an aha moment. Lacey, she went to Shark Tank and was featured in forms. She has helped over 500,000 families with her company, Dreamland Baby. And I love personally

the weighted sleep sack. It provides a really wonderful, sleeping environment for babies. If you are a first-time mom, it's a really, really important thing to do. The whole routine, nighttime routine, it's a lifesaver. But these sleep solutions, and especially the sleep sack, are wonderful because they give the baby this feeling of being cuddled as they sleep. They get deeper sleep. They get better sleep. It has a two-way zipper, which is really easy if you're going to change nappies. It is made of quality materials. They are soft and incredible. Basically, it's something I highly recommend if you are going to have a baby or have one now and are struggling with sleep. I've got a two month old, so I'm right there with you girls. So go to dreamlandbabycoad.com

and enter your code, being her at checkout and receive 20% off sitewide plus free shipping. This offer is for new and existing customers. Guys, get your sleep. Go to Dreamland Baby. Number five is if you're confident, you will be attractive. to him. Confidence means knowing your product has value. And by that, I mean, I see a lot of DMs from you guys, from women, talking about, but how do I mention that I want to get married or how do I mention I want a long-term relationship? You're acting like you're the biggest piece of trash at the bin that all the juices from the bin and the trash and everything has gone down to and you're just like stuck to the bottom of the bin. You're acting like people would be disgusted at the notion of

being around you or being with you. And you're like, how do I let him know that I want a relationship with me, the piece of trash at the bottom of the bin, I'm so disgusting. How do I know that me, this disgusting bin trash wants to get married, babe? Understand that your product, aka you, has value. Have you ever gone into a luxury store? And people are like, I'm so sorry, this disgusting bag. I know, how do I let you know that we're trying to sell it? No, they're like, it's not even for sale for you. You have to get on the wait list. Think about every brand that is luxurious. You have to get on the wait list for that book. And you've got to get on that wait list for the Bugatti or whatever it is. I don't know cars, but you know what I'm saying. You've got to

get on the wait list. And if any of you come for me for equating women to objects, I miss me with that. I don't want it. I don't want to know it. This is not the place. I'm not pedantic in language and I love a metaphor. I live for a metaphor. So if you live for a metaphor, you're welcome on this channel and on this podcast. By the way, if you have not subscribed, I would really appreciate it genuinely. From the bottom of me art, I'd really appreciate it because it's effort to make this and it lets me know. that you want this content. So leave five stars, subscribe, follow. I'd really appreciate it. Next, fact that I wish I knew about men that when I tell you, you will not listen, but I will tell you anyway, if you're not his type or he is not ready, leave it. Leave him alone. You will not change his

mind. There's nothing you can do. There is no cool thing you can say. There is no acrobatic thing you can do in the bedroom. There is no boob job you can get. There is nothing. And if he is sure, you are his type, then there's almost nothing you can do to put him off. I know that's really strange to say, but it is the truth that if you are not his type and he is not ready, you can pay him a billion dollars and he will not be sure and not be ready. And it's a painful thing to acknowledge, like, when I was younger, I thought that perhaps I can work on someone's attraction for me. I just remembered, oh my God, memory flooding back. There was this guy that I really, really liked. And he just did not want a bar of me. Let's call him David. His name did start

with a D. So let's call him David. And he was just not interested. And the amount I thought about him, I think it was like an ego problem. Like I could not believe that somebody, no matter what I did, was not interested in me. But leave it. It's not for you. Because at the end of the day, as a woman, to develop your feminine energy and to live this life in the purposeful way you want to live it, You do not want to be with the guy who didn't want you, but you convinced him. First of all, it never happens. But second of all, if that's not convinced you, this will. The fact that he didn't want you, but you had to do something to make him want you,

what else are you going to have to do in that relationship? What are you going to have to do in that? And I know you're thinking right now if you're obsessed with a guy, yeah, I'm willing to do that. You're not because it's going to get old. Because your spirit and your soul is going to get so put down by the experience that you're not going to want it anymore. Trust me.

Next is kind of tailing off the last one is if he's not sure you shouldn't be either. I wish I knew in my 20s that if a guy isn't sure, if he's like, yeah, maybe we should just date and, you know, see how it goes or all these things. But you're putting 100% eggs in that basket. As soon as he says, I'm not sure, you should not be sure as well. You should start dating other people. And I don't mean like in this like, oh, just date other people, rotational dating. I don't know what the terminology is. but if he's not sure, you're not sure

because if he's not sure about you, you're not sure about him. And it's not a tip for tat situation, but everyone who listens to my show understands that relationship and family is deep at the core of what I am trying to talk to you about. It's not just about dating. It's about moving forward,

building the life you want and all these things. And if you are trying to build it with someone who's not sure, it's like trying to build a business with a business partner who's not sure about you. Don't try and sell something to somebody who's not willing. You've got to be 100% in, hence the case for marriage that 100% of both of you are in and you're in this together and

neither of you are leaving no matter what. So that's the case for that. The next thing I wish I knew in my 20s about men and a lot of you DM me about this, but I never reply because I don't know how to phrase it because there is a minor exception to the rule, maybe like a two percentile exception to the rule, but mostly young men are not ready for the relationship that you are looking for. He is 22 years old. He is not ready to be a provider and a father and all these things. Now, there are that 2% and some might say it's a hormonal thing. Men in their early 20s are very high testosterone and low in the hormone that makes men commit. What is that hormone? Come on thyroid. Give me my memory back. I cannot remember. But if you look it up,

there's a hormone that men oxytocin maybe that goes up later in men's. life that makes them actually bond whilst in the beginning they're very high testosterone. Like, look at young men, they're very fiery, high testosterone. They want to, you know, they don't get attached. That's the hormone that stops them from getting attached. And later in life, testosterone drops and they get more of the hormone that makes them attached. And furthermore, they're just more ready for that in life. So if you're not dating that two to five percentile of young men who are ready to wife you, maybe due to religious reasons or other reasons, I would strongly suggest that as fun as it is to date when you're young. If you are looking, oh, my baby's crying. I might have to

bring her into the shot. If you are dating to get married, either you wait into your 30s or you look for an older guy. And by older, I don't mean 50. I just mean in their 30s and ready to take that step with you. Let me get this child. Okay, I got my little handheld mammal. She's here and I'm going to continue with the points. When he needs space, closing the gap will make even a good guy run. This is really hard to understand in your 20s because all you're trying to do is trying to basically self-soothe. So when a guy is asking for space or running away or doing all these things like wanting to be with his friends or even communicating clearly to you, I would like more space.

And instead of respecting it, you are showing up at his house being like, oh, but I bought tickets to this or you might be doing it a lot more in his face. Like, why would you need space? I thought you and I were dating all these things. The reality is even a good guy will be put off by that because healthy relationships need space. But you as a younger woman might believe, unless you're securely attached, that you need to close that gap because you are panicking. Oh my God, he's running away from me. We're not going to be together.

It's going to be really bad. You are trying to put a band-aid on the fact that you feel like he doesn't want to be with you. The reality is you need to let that guy go. As soon as he says, I want space you to be like, run, baby, run. Because number one, if he's healthy, he's healthy. healthy and normal. He will have that space of five minutes and then he will come running back to you because you'll be like, wow, I miss her, I have assessed, I've been without her. It's really easy for a man to assess how much you mean to him when you are not right up close into his face and that is healthy and

you both need that. Or if he's a type of guy who just wants to avoid, if he's avoidant down to like the worst avoidant that you can be, then let him go. He will run away and let him run free like a bird that he is. Run free. Run wild, my guy. Because we don't. need you here anyway. You trying to close the gap will make even a good man run away from you because it's the law of attraction. He says I need space. He walks away a bit. You're right behind his back. He walks away a bit more. Are you trying to grab the microphone? My daughter is trying to grab this microphone. She is saying, put me on. I'm going to tell them what I wish I knew about men when I was two months old. It's going to make even a good man run away because people want

their space. Human beings want space. Human beings need to feel autonomous and like they are in their own right and they can make decisions. So a good man will see you always closing the gap. He won't have an opportunity to miss you. He won't have an opportunity to see you from a part of himself. One of the most times that someone seems the most attractive in life is when you see them doing something that they are amazing at, like doing their PowerPoint or skiing, if they're really good at skiing. And if you're always behind his back stalking him, he never gets to see that from you. Number next, maybe sometimes you are the problem. Let people be who they are and do not try to change them. If somebody's not interested in you or they are interested in you, but they're just not the type of

person for you, if they have different values to you, if they don't want the same things you want, and instead of accepting them for who they are, you try and change them because you have the audacity to believe that everybody should live like you want to live and change for you, then you are the problem. In your 20s, in my 20s, I did not understand that. And I wish I knew that. Like if someone's always late, or if someone doesn't like what I like, or if somebody doesn't want the relationship that I want, I thought I just have to explain it to them enough for them to want what I want and have my values. That is not true. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. If there's somebody who isn't interested late, only interested in sex with you, let them be who they are. Stop trying to

change people. Next, pick the man, don't let the man pick you. I wish in my 20s, I knew that the idea that I'm just out there and the man that is meant for me will find me is not right. We as women drop the handkerchief. We as women see the guy that we're interested in and have to give him a sign of our interest. We have to give that man a sign of our interest. How do you do it? Ask him to hold your coat. Drop the handkerchief, metaphorically speaking, smile at him, look at him for too long. There's all these ways. I talk about it in my feminine energy. course on Marguerite Nazarendco.com to check that out. If you haven't checked it out, I talk about these things a lot. But the point being, pick the man you want. It doesn't mean

you chase him. Never chase the man, but pick the man you want. Give him a sign because a lot of times equality men, they're not going to come up to you because they've been taught about the Me Too movement. They've been taught that talking to you at the gym is cause for concern. So if you like look at him for a bit too long, say he looks great in something. And then stop. That is the way to do it. So don't chase him, but give him the sign. Pick the man. The man should not pick you. Next. Despite thinking that looks is what will attract you to him in the long term, if he is not the type of man that you do you want to be with quality-wise and value-wise and how he sees you and how he, my daughter is laughing at me. That's so funny. This is not funny. You need to listen to this, baby. My name is Valentina.

You need to listen to these points, okay? I'm telling you these points so you can understand. and value what I'm saying. So looks is not all there is. You might be attracted to him at first, but due to the fact that you're a woman, the looks will fade real quick, fast and sharp, if he does not have the same values. Like, you will put six foot into the dating apps, don't you, right?

Start putting 5'8 or something. See what other men there are out there. I'm just using height as an example. He can look very sexy very quickly if he has the same values as you, wants to provide for you and just sees you as a goddess, as opposed to that six-foot guy who is not interested. And I know right now you're like, no, but he's sexy. Like I'm so attracted to him. He won't be. He won't be when you're paying for all your children and you're working two jobs and he's lying on the sofa because he's not interested and he never was. He's not going to be sexy. Trust and believe.

And number last, if you've met him and you want him to be attracted to you, so you sleep with him because you believe it will make him attached because it makes us women attached because hormonally, that's how we're based with sleep with them enough. At the start, we think that we've conceived their child biologically, even though you know intelligently that you haven't because you're on the pill, but your body's like, oh, this can be the father of our child. Quick, lock him down so that he provides for us and our children and we don't die in the cave. Despite the fact that it makes you attached and you know that,

it will not make him attached. There is no amount of acrobatics you can do if he's not interested in you that will make him attach to you. Quite the contrary, my friend. If you do not do that with him until you, are ready, genuinely ready, then it will make him quite interested in you. It's not going to make him lock you down because you've done some kind of gymnastics for him. And it's not going to make him more attracted to you or more interested in you. It's just not going to. All the secrets are in here,

okay? This book that I've just slammed shut for those who are not watching. Anyway, those are the things I wish that I knew in my twenties about men. Suggest another title that you would like to see next time. Go on my Instagram, go on my TikTok. Any way you want suggested, things that I might teach my son about women or things I wish I did. I'm here for you and I will deliver. Love you lots like jelly tots and I'll see you or I'll hear you on the next one and thanks for lending me your ears. Ciao. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.